Group Chat
Day One:
Hermione Granger created Group Chat.
Hermione Granger changed chat name to Friends.
Harry Stark changed chat name to Can We Not?
Peter Parker changed chat name to Oh This Seems Fun.
01642 245432 changed chat name to No Spiders Allowed.
Harry: Did Ron get a phone?
01642 245432: Your dad sent it to me.
Hermione Granger changed 01642 245432 to Ron Weasley.
Peter Parker changed Ron Weasley to Ginger.
Ginger: Watch it spider.
Peter: Or what? You’ll hex me?
Hermione changed Ginger to Ron Weasley.
Hermione: Boys, shut up. Harry, how are you?
Hermione: Harry
Ron: Slytherin won the last match against Gryffindor.
Harry: Fuck.
Ron: Not really. How ru?
Harry: Pissed now.
Peter: He’s in London, living it up in some fancy hotel.
Hermione: Oh! That sounds fun!
Ron: Everyone shut up. Harry, guess what Dad said?
Harry: ?
Ron: U-Know-Who is dead.
Harry: Yeah I know.
Hermione: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘YOU KNOW’?!
Peter: Who the fuck is U-Know-Who?
Ron: U know.
Harry: Siri & Dumbledore came before we left this morning and talked to Tony. V’s dead. B’s in St Mungo’s.
Ron: It’s going to be hard for people to take sides. On one hand, B killed V. On the other hand, B almost killed the Boy Who Lived.
Hermione: RONALD WEASLEY!
Peter: Who’s the Boy Who Lived?
Ron: It’s a boy who lived
Harry: I gotta go. T wants to ‘sight see’.
Hermione: Go see the Tower of London! It’s amazing the history behind it!
Harry: Is it wheelchair accessible?
Hermione: I…
Hermione: I have no idea.
Harry: Bye.
Hermione Granger to Peter Parker: How is he? Really?
Peter: Hermione, you’d ask me to betray Harry’s confidence?
Peter: Tell me who Cedric is and I will
Hermione: A classmate that got killed in front of Harry.
Hermione: Harry blames himself, of course.
Peter: Harry’s blaming himself for everything.
Peter: Seems to be a thing of his, I guess.
Harry Stark to No Spiders Allowed: I got in a fight.
Ron: Bet you didn’t win.
Hermione: Ronald, I swear to God.
Harry: Lol this woman had one arm
Harry: I said I was jealous
Harry: We got in a fight over which was worse.
Hermione: Harry…
Peter: LMAO
Peter: Losing a leg is way worse than an arm. Is she serious?
Harry: That’s what I said.
Harry: She’s walking around acting like having one arm is a problem?
Ron: I dunno mate… you can fly with one leg.
Harry: I could still catch a snitch with one arm.
Hermione: You all are terrible.
Peter: What’s a snitch?
Ron: Like a tattletale.
Peter Parker to Sirius Black: What’s a snitch?
Sirius: It’s a ball with wings, tiny. Seeker has to catch it to end a match.
Sirius: Hang on. I’ll send you a video.
Sirius: videoattachment.vid
Peter: Thanks
Peter Parker to No Spiders Allowed: How could you catch a snitch with one hand?
Ron: Harry could catch it blind.
Hermione: Harry caught it with a shattered arm once.
Ron: Harry nearly caught it with a dozen dementors swarming the field.
Harry: I caught it with my mouth once.
Peter: Are we at the part of the post-breakup where I can make wildly inappropriate jokes?
Hermione: No.
Ron: Yes.
Harry: My Dad and I talk shit about you.
Peter: Rude.
Ron: Hilarious.
Hermione: I have to study. I love you, Harry! Have fun!
Ron: Good she’s gone
Hermione: You also have to study, Ron.
Peter: Oh good now we’re alone.
Harry: Goodnight.
Peter: Oh good now I’m alone.
Day Two:
Hermione changed group chat to Three Idiots and a Genius.
Ron: Harry! Look!
Ron: imageattachment.jpg
Harry: Is that an apple?
Hermione: Honestly.
Hermione: imageattachment.jpg
Peter: You-Know-Who Killed by Muggle
Peter: Is that a real newspaper?
Peter: It’s a touch evasive.
Harry: It’s not. So am I still a crazy liar?
Ron: Nope! It says you were telling the truth all along.
Hermione: I can’t believe he’s really dead.
Hermione: It feels sort of anticlimactic, doesn’t it?
Harry: Suppose that’s because you weren’t tortured by him or kidnapped by the man who killed him.
Harry: You didn’t see him kill someone or have your blood used to bring him back.
Harry: You didn’t get crucio’d by him.
Harry: You didn’t lose a fucking leg.
Harry: But sure, it’s anticlimactic.
Hermione: Harry I’m so sorry.
Hermione: Harry, please, that’s not what I meant.
Hermione: Harry.
Ron Weasley to Harry Stark: Mate, she’s crying.
Harry: Good.
Ron: …
Harry: Fuck you.
Harry Stark to Three Idiots and a Genius: I know that’s not what you meant Hermione.
Peter: I for one have never been more confused.
Ron: Who even invited you?
Hermione: I did. He’s Harry’s friend too.
Hermione: Harry, I’m so sorry. That was such a careless thing to say.
Harry: It’s fine. Tony told me that if I join a gang it should be the blue gang.
Peter: …lmao
Hermione: Oh, my.
Ron: Why??
Harry: They’re the crips.
Harry: Get it?
Harry: You guys suck.
Ron Weasley to Peter Parker: Wanna snog in the library?
Peter: Not really, no.
Ron: Wrong number.
Peter: Who were you texting?
Peter: WHO WERE YOU TEXTING?
Ron Weasley to Hermione Granger: Wanna snog in the library?
Hermione: Not really, no.
Ron: :(
Hermione: :)
Peter Parker changed chat name to Three Brits & a Spider.
Peter: How’s the UK, everyone?
Harry: Cold.
Ron: Boring.
Hermione Granger left the chat.
Peter: Was it something I said?
Ron: We’re in class.
Harry: What class?
Ron: Hagrid’s.
Harry: I saw Buckingham Palace today.
Peter: I saw Sirius do magic.
Harry: Are you at my house??
Peter: Sirius invited me.
Harry: Brilliant.
Harry: He only likes blokes for a night.
Harry: So don’t get attached.
Ron: Wow. Look at that.
Ron Weasley left the chat.
Peter: I’m not fucking Sirius!
Harry: You could.
Peter: Yeah if I had way more daddy issues than I do.
Peter: And if I wasn’t in love with you.
Harry: You’re not in love with me.
Harry: You’re just an idiot.
Peter: I’m your idiot.
Peter: :)
Harry: You’re not cute.
Peter: My aunt says I am.
Harry: She lied.
Peter: :(
Harry Stark left the chat.
Peter: I’m killing it.
Hermione created group chat.
Hermione changed chat name to Friends.
Harry changed chat name to Interrogations.
Ron: HARRY!
Ron: MALFOY!!
Ron: WHAT?!?!
Peter: That wasn’t even a real sentence.
Hermione: Shouldn’t you be asleep?
Peter: I have insomnia.
Peter: Only true love’s kiss can make me sleep.
Ron: Shut it.
Ron: HARRYYYYY!!
Harry: FFS. What?!
Ron: B killed Malfoy’s dad!!
Ron: AND PETTIGREW!
Ron: What’s FFS?
Peter: For fuck sake.
Hermione: Sirius is free!
Harry: I know.
Hermione: And you didn’t tell us?!?!
Ron: MALFOY’S DAD IS DEAD.
Ron: DEAD.
Harry: You know that’s kind of sad for Draco, right?
Harry: Even if he’s scum and deserved it.
Hermione: You’re right. We’re sorry.
Ron: I’m not.
Ron: He called Hermione the m-word.
Peter: ???
Ron: Mermaid. It’s an insult here.
Harry: Only if they tried to spear you.
Hermione: How’s your vacation, Harry?
Harry: Fine.
Harry: I’m just rolling around London.
Peter: Lol
Hermione: You are impossible.
Ron: Malfoy’s dad is dead.
Harry Stark left the group chat.
Hermione: Excellent job, Ronald.
Hermione Granger added Harry Stark to the group chat.
Ron: You’re the boy who lived again, by the way.
Peter: Why??
Ron: Because he’s alive, idiot.
Harry: But the Boy Who Lied had such a ring to it.
Harry: Hermione…
Harry: Do you still have Rita in a jar??
Hermione Granger left the chat.
Peter: What the fuck…?
Day Three:
Hermione Granger to Interrogations: Harry, don’t freak out.
Harry: Oh good.
Harry: My nonexistent leg is on fire.
Harry: And it seems like my day is just going to go up from here.
Ron: They’re calling B a hero.
Hermione: Someone at the Daily Prophet has a squib sibling that leaked the ‘Winter Soldier’ bit and now that he’s killed You-Know-Who, he’s… well, they’re saying he’s a hero.
Ron: ‘Soldier Slaughtered You-Know-Who’ was the headline.
Harry Stark left the group chat.
Hermione: Perhaps we shouldn’t have told him.
Ron: You wanna hear him bitch later if we keep stuff from him?
Peter: What did I miss?
Peter Parker to Harry Stark: Hey
Peter: I love you.
Harry: Have you ever looked up harassment?
Harry: Because that’s what this is.
Peter: YA Novels make it sound romantic.
Harry: It’s not.
Peter: So we’re over then? Over over?
Peter: ‘It’s not you it’s me’ over?
Peter: ‘We can still be friends’ over?
Harry: I’m actually not much interested in a pity relationship.
Peter: Pity??
Peter: Who is pitying who?
Harry: Stop, okay?
Harry: Stop acting like you want to date someone—
Harry: Look, I don’t blame you, okay? It wasn’t your fault. You don’t have to date me because you feel guilty.
Harry: I gotta go.
Peter Parker to Hermione Granger: Hi
Peter: You speak Harry, right?
Hermione: I’m fluent, yes.
Peter: screenshot.jpg
Peter: Care to interpret?
Hermione: For the love of…
Hermione: I’ll be back.
Hermione Granger to Harry Stark: I love you.
Harry: Cool.
Hermione: I’ve been in love with you for years.
Harry: …
Harry: What?
Harry: I
Harry: What??
Hermione: Why do you believe that I could be in love with you and not Peter?
Harry: What?
Harry: Hermione, was that a joke?
Hermione: I am not in love with you.
Hermione: You’re quite fanciable
Hermione: It’s the gay for me though.
Harry: Bisexual.
Hermione: Gay, but irrelevant.
Hermione: You’re smart and funny and kind and handsome.
Hermione: Frankly, Peter would be an idiot to not be in love with you.
Harry: Frankly, Peter would be blind to not see that I’m in a wheelchair, Hermione.
Harry: He likes to skateboard, I can’t really do that, can I?
Hermione: I didn’t think you really could in the first place.
Harry: I’d laugh so hard at that but unfortunately my imaginary leg is burning.
Hermione: It’s called phantom pain. I looked it up. It’s unfortunately common
Harry: It’s called an invisible crucio.
Harry: And it hurts.
Hermione: Did you tell your dad?
Harry: No point.
Harry: I used all the pain potions we had and this is supposed to be a ‘relaxing trip’ and I can’t keep whining.
Harry: I just have to get used to it.
Hermione: For the love of…
Hermione Granger to Tony Stark: Hello
Hermione: Diagon Alley
Hermione: Sirius’ house.
Hermione: Ron’s home.
Hermione: Hogsmeade.
Tony: Yeah, this is a list that makes sense to me.
Hermione: They’re places that you can get pain relieving potions at.
Tony: Harry’s been fine.
Tony: Right?
Tony: Son of a…
Tony: How do I get to literally any of those places?
Hermione: Stand by, please.
Hermione Granger to Ron Weasley: What’s the address for your house?
Ron: The Burrow.
Hermione: The muggle address.
Ron: Uh
Ron: Let me ask Gin.
Ron: She said it’s the Burrow
Hermione: Charming. I’ll ask Luna.
Hermione Granger to Tony Stark: 2 South Farm Road, Ottery St Catchpole, England.
Hermione: Molly Weasley is a hugger and Arthur is fascinated by technology.
Tony: And they have potions?
Hermione: If they don’t, Molly will know how to order them. I’m in class and honestly you boys can’t expect me to do everything.
Tony: You’re like a tiny Pepper
Tony: Thanks
Harry Stark created the group chat Fuck Me.
Peter: I’m already interested.
Harry: WHOSE DAFT IDEA WAS IT TO SEND ME TO MOLLY’S?!
Harry: I know it was you, Hermione.
Ron: Mate, did you apparate there??
Harry: Yeah, Ron. I STOOD UP ON MY TWO LEGS AND TURNED ON THE SPOT TO APPARATE.
Ron: Right.
Ron: Wait, mate, did u fly a jet plane to my mum’s house?!
Harry: Yeah. And you know what happened?
Harry: Your dad fainted.
Harry: And your mum cried the whole time.
Harry: I am soaked in tears.
Hermione: Did you get the potions though?
Harry Stark removed Hermione Granger from the chat.
Peter: Why was Ron’s mom crying?
Ron: Probably tears of joy.
Ron: Harry’s her favorite child.
Harry: I am.
Harry: That’s beside the point.
Harry: I saw Bill.
Ron: Think you missed your chance, mate. He’s been talking about a girlfriend lately.
Peter: Wait! Who is Bill?
Ron: My brother.
Ron: Harry fancies him.
Harry: I DO NOT
Ron: You talk in your sleep.
Harry Stark left the group chat.
Peter: Tell me that Bill is old and ugly.
Ron: Nope.
Ron: He’s 23.
Ron: He’s a curse breaker.
Ron: He’s got an earring, ponytail, and leather jacket.
Ron: Everyone fancies Bill.
Peter: Cool. Cool. He’s super straight though, right?
Ron: I think straight and gay are muggle terms.
Ron: Bill’s tall though, if that’s what you’re asking.
Ron: And not straight at all.
Peter: I love to hear that.
Harry Stark to Hermione Granger: Thank you.
Hermione: Anytime.
Day Four:
Harry Stark created group chat Bullshit.
Hermione changed chat name to Ron Needs to Study.
Ron changed chat name to Snau52bsJ.
Peter: Wtf?
Ron: videoattachment.mov
Ron: “Hi, Harrikins! It’s your favorite twin! I don’t know how to use the keyboard and Ron’s a bit tied up right now! Convince your shiny robot dad to let us and Gin—”
“AND LUNA!”
“And Luna to come over Christmas too! We’ve got new stuff to show you! Everyone misses you! We can play one-legged quidditch if you do!”
Harry: My dad said the more the merrier.
Hermione: Oh how he’ll regret that.
Peter: Who the hell was that?
Harry: Fred.
Hermione: How do you know it isn’t George?
Harry: Fred’s got a freckle under his eye that George doesn’t have.
Harry: Anyone want to hear how I drowned this morning?
Peter: Yes.
Hermione: Yes.
Ron: YDBWK
Harry: I’m taking that as a yes.
Harry: The hotel we’re at has a pool.
Harry: And it’s indoor and heated and we thought we’d give it a go.
Harry: You don’t need two legs to swim, right?
Harry: Wrong.
Harry: Who needs Voldemort when there’s a pool to do me in?
Hermione: Oh, Harry, that sounds horrible.
Peter: What’s Voldemort?
Ron: UR MYM
Harry: I think Fred meant ‘your mum’.
Harry: That’s only funny if Peter’s mum isn’t dead.
Harry: But she is, soo…
Ron: SRY
Peter: It’s cool.
Hermione: It really isn’t.
Hermione: Are you okay though, Harry?
Harry: My pride?
Harry: Gone.
Harry: My ego?
Harry: Gone.
Harry: My lungs?
Harry: Burning.
Peter: Your leg?
Peter: Gone.
Hermione: PETER PARKER!
Harry: Lol
Harry: Gotta go.
Harry: We’re going shopping.
Harry: Think I’ll get half-off on jeans?
Peter: Nah.
Peter: Shoes though? Maybe.
Hermione: I’m surrounded by idiots.
Ron: HI HARRY
Peter Parker to Harry Stark: Your stepmom invited me to Thanksgiving dinner.
Harry: I don’t have a stepmom.
Peter: Pepper.
Harry: Name doesn’t ring a bell.
Peter: So you don’t want me to come?
Harry: …
Harry: Why are you doing this?
Harry: Be honest please.
Peter: Okay
Peter: I’m so fucking in love with you that I can’t sleep.
Peter: I was a selfish dick when my uncle died.
Harry: That’s not—
Peter: I was. All I knew was that I was in pain and I wanted everyone else to hurt as much as I did.
Peter: But I didn’t mean you.
Peter: And by the time I realized I didn’t want you to hate me, it was too late.
Peter: All I want now is a second chance.
Harry: I threw a beanbag at your head.
Peter: I threw one at yours.
Harry: I have one leg.
Peter: I’ve got spider dna.
Harry: My therapist charges double rates because I’m so fucked up.
Peter: Yeah and I’m the image of good mental health, really.
Harry: If you want to come to dinner, I don’t care.
Peter: Can I come early? So we can talk?
Harry: …
Harry: Sure.
Peter: Should I bring anything?
Harry: Mate I don’t even know what Thanksgiving is.
Harry: So no.
Peter: God you’re so British.
Peter: It’s hot.
Harry: I’m shopping. Bye.
Ron Weasley to Snau52bsJ: HARRYYYY, why did you tell Fred that they can come to your place?
Ron: It’s not Christmas BREAK with them there!
Harry: They asked and I said yeah.
Hermione: You’ll need extra players for your annual quidditch match anyway.
Harry: Hysterical.
Hermione: You can fly even if you can’t walk.
Harry: I’m ‘summer after first year’ levels of strong.
Harry: Dennis Creevey could kick my arse.
Peter: He could try.
Hermione: You just need physical therapy and regular meals to get your strength back.
Harry: What do I need to get my leg back?
Ron: A time turner.
Peter: What’s that?
Ron: A turner for time.
Peter: Have I mentioned recently that I hate you?
Ron: Have I mentioned recently that Harry’s my best mate?
Harry: I have no best mate.
Harry: I have antidepressants and people staring at me on sidewalks.
Harry: This is my life now.
Ron: To be fair, people have always stared at you.
Hermione: And you’ve always needed antidepressants.
Harry: Or a really tall building to jump off—
Harry: Holy shit.
Harry: I can’t even jump off a roof.
Harry: I could fling myself from a roof?
Harry: Except rooftops aren’t even wheelchair accessible.
Harry: Someone should fix that.
Missed call from Hermione Granger
Missed call from Ron Weasley
Missed call from Peter Parker
Harry: Just so you lot know, my dad thought it was funny.
Hermione: Well he was wrong.
Harry Stark added Tony Stark to group chat.
Harry: You were saying?
Hermione Granger removed Tony Stark from group chat.
Tony Stark added Tony Stark to group chat.
Hermione: How did he do that?!
Tony: Easily.
Tony: What’s up?
Harry: Hermione says you’re wrong and I’m not funny.
Tony: That’s because she goes to a medieval school.
Tony: Talk to me when you get your PhD.
Hermione: I will, thanks.
Ron: Now you’ve done it.
Harry Stark removed Tony Stark from group chat.
Peter: Iconic.
Harry: I know.
Harry: I got a letter from the President of MACUSA and Minister Fudge this morning.
Ron: Hermione is screeching.
Ron: Let me try and interpret…
Ron: ‘Why would he tell us he drowned and not about this?!’
Harry: The drowning seemed more interesting.
Peter: What’s MACUSA?
Ron: An acronym.
Harry: Lol
Harry: President Quahog wants to meet after thanksgiving about the whole enhanced human thing.
Harry: Minister Fudge wants a chance to apologize he says.
Harry: So probably an interview.
Hermione: Or a chance to kiss your arse now that everyone knows you aren’t a liar.
Ron: Can’t talk.
Ron: Hermione just swore.
Ron: Someone write it down.
Peter: Noted.
Hermione: Are you going to meet with Fudge before you go home tomorrow?
Harry: And give some reporter a chance to get a photo?
Harry: Yeah. I’m dying to do that.
Harry: It’s right up there with snogging Umbridge.
Peter: Who’s Umbridge?
Hermione: The foul woman who cut Harry’s hand.
Harry Stark left the group chat.
Ron: Saw that coming.
Peter: Someone cut Harry’s hand??
Peter: Is that the scar calling him a liar he mentioned?
Hermione: Oh. Did he tell you that?
Peter: Screamed it in my face.
Hermione: He does trust you!
Hermione: I knew it.
Hermione: And yes. She’s a foul woman.
Ron: Azkaban is truly worse for having her.
Hermione: I’m quite surprised that they didn’t send B to Azkaban.
Ron: Dad said there’s no wizarding law against muggle guns.
Ron: And now that he’s almost as famous as Harry…
Peter: Harry’s famous?
Ron: His dad is, yeah. Haven’t you heard of Tony Stark?
Peter: I’ll just ask Sirius, thanks.
Ron Weasley removed Peter Parker from the group.
Ron: Wanna go snog in the library?
Hermione: No.
Ron: Behind the greenhouse?
Hermione: No.
Ron: Slytherins Chamber?
Hermione: If you can get in that chamber, then sure, I’ll snog you.
Ron Weasley to Harry Stark: I need a favor and it’s an emergency.
Harry: What?
Ron: Can you send me a video thing of you talking in Parsletongue? Just say ‘open’ over and over?
Harry: This is an emergency?
Ron: Yes.
Harry: Sure.
Harry: videoattachment.mov
Ron: I love you.
Harry: People say that a lot lately.
Harry: I think it went up after they cut off my leg.
Ron Weasley to Hermione Granger: Meet me at the second floor girls bathroom.
Hermione: Why?
Ron: You’ll see.
Hermione Granger created group chat Help.
Hermione: Harry…
Hermione: How exactly would someone get out of the Chamber of Secrets?
Harry: A Phoenix.
Harry Stark added Peter Parker to group chat.
Harry: Why?
Ron: No reason.
Peter: What’s going on?
Harry: No idea but I bet it’s hilarious.
Harry: Oh. Wait.
Harry: Ron! Is the basilisk still down there?
Ron: Yeah. Still looks alive too.
Ron: Scared the hell out of me.
Harry Stark added Tony Stark to group chat.
Harry Stark added Sirius Black to group chat.
Harry Stark added Pepper Potts to group chat.
Harry: Ron, send a picture.
Ron: image.jpg
Pepper: WHAT IS THAT?
Sirius: Where the hell did you find a basilisk?!
Tony: Are all of Harry’s friends idiots?
Hermione: No.
Harry: That’s the basilisk I killed.
Harry: Back when I had 2 legs.
Harry: I probably would have lost if I had to do it in a wheelchair.
Harry Stark removed Sirius Black from group chat.
Harry Stark removed Pepper Potts from group chat.
Harry Stark removed Tony Stark from group chat.
Harry: What are you guys doing down there anyway?
Harry: Research?
Hermione: Yes.
Ron: No.
Hermione: How do we get out??
Harry: No idea.
Harry: Have fun dying down there.
Peter: I’ll remember you fondly.
Hermione: HARRY!
Harry: You could see if Dobby listens to your call.
Ron: Brilliant!
Ron: He doesn’t.
Harry: Hold on.
Harry: He does mine.
Harry: He’s crying but he said if you call for him he can get you.
Hermione: Harry, Dobby is not your slave.
Hermione: You can’t just order him around.
Harry: Fine. Die in the chamber.
Peter: I’m so confused.
Peter: RIP though.
Ron: We’re free.
Ron: Had to listen to Dobby calling you the greatest warrior known to man though.
Ron: I reckon he’ll be popping the question any time.
Peter: Wait. Who’s Dobby?
Harry: Lol listen
Harry: I can never propose to anyone.
Harry: I can’t get down on one knee.
Harry: Because I only have one knee.
Hermione Granger left the group chat.
Ron: She’s crying again.
Harry: What were you doing down there?
Ron: She said she’d snog me if I could open the chamber.
Harry: Beautiful.
Peter: Is it hard to open?
Harry: Impossible if you don’t talk to snakes.
Peter: People can talk to snakes?
Ron: Just Harry.
Ron: G’night, gents. I’m going to go assure Hermione that of course Harry isn’t destined to be alone just because he can’t propose.
Ron Weasley left the group chat.
Peter: …
Peter: I’m going to go clear my head.
Peter Parker left the group chat.
Harry: Wow I’m so good at having friends.
Harry Stark to Sirius Black: What are you doing?
Sirius: Playing cards.
Sirius: What’s up?
Harry: I can’t sleep.
Sirius: Take a dreamless sleep, kiddo.
Harry: I can’t. Molly told Tony that they’re addictive. Now I can only take two a week.
Sirius: Bullshit.
Sirius: I take them almost every day.
Harry: I miss you.
Sirius: How bad is it?
Harry: It’s so bad, Pads.
Harry: It’s the worst it’s ever been.
Sirius: Can I call you?
Harry: No. Tony’s asleep.
Harry: I just…
Harry: What’s the point?
Harry: Everything just goes from bad to worse and the only thing everything has in common is me.
Harry: I’m so sick of it.
Sirius: I know.
Sirius: But good things are coming for you, Harry.
Sirius: I swear.
Harry: How long do I have to wait, Siri?
Harry: Because I don’t know if I can wait that long.
Sirius: I thought that for almost twelve years straight. Find one reason to keep going, just one.
Sirius: You were my reason and now I’m so glad I stuck around.
Harry: Siri…
Harry: Pepper told Tony that the ‘renovation’ is done. That means Tony probably spent a fortune doing something because I’m stuck in a chair.
Harry: Strangers stare at me and kids ask where my leg is.
Sirius: Merlin I hate kids.
Harry: I’m a freak, Siri. An actual circus show now.
Sirius: You’ve never been to a circus.
Harry: Sirius.
Sirius: You’re not a freak. You could get a fake leg if you wanted or you could learn to hop around on one leg.
Sirius: Everything will get better.
Harry: When?
Sirius: I wish I had an exact date for you.
Harry: Will you stay awake so I have someone to talk to?
Sirius: Of course.
Day Five:
Peter Parker created group chat Harry’s Coming Home.
Harry Stark changed chat name to Am I?
Ron Weasley changed chat name to Ferret Face.
Hermione: Ooh! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, right? I wish I could come!
Ron: Me too.
Hermione: I want to go for the cultural experience.
Ron: I want to go for the food.
Peter: I have to go to Stamford for lunch with my relatives then back to the city for dinner with Harry’s family.
Ron: I hate you more and more every day.
Harry: I hope you’re not hungry when you get there.
Harry: Nobody knows how to cook.
Hermione: What do you eat every day??
Harry: Cereal and takeout.
Hermione: That’s not healthy at all.
Harry: What’s going to happen?
Harry: I’ll lose my leg?
Hermione: You’re so morbid!
Harry: I’m practicing my stand up routine.
Peter: God damn it, lmao
Ron: What’s stand up?
Harry: That thing I can’t do.
Ron: Hermione’s crying again.
Peter: She cries a lot.
Harry: She doesn’t get my sense of humor.
Ron: She’s sad, mate. She’s worried about you and she can’t sleep and it’s making her stressed.
Ron: She’s worried you’ll… you know.
Harry: Jump off a roof?
Harry: I could hop off one.
Ron: Mate, don’t joke.
Ron Weasley to Harry Stark: Are you doing okay?
Harry: Honestly? No.
Harry: Everything hurts, every day. I can’t sleep. Food tastes like cardboard. It just feels pointless, you know?
Ron: No, I don’t. But I believe you.
Ron: And I believe in you.
Ron: You’re the best person I know.
Ron: I wish you were here.
Harry: I don’t.
Harry: Too many stairs.
Hermione Granger to Ferret Face: Harry, I’m so sorry.
Hermione: If you want to process your trauma through jokes, then you should.
Hermione: I just worry about you.
Ron: We both do.
Harry: I wish you wouldn’t.
Harry: I’ll be fine.
Harry: I always am.
Harry Stark to Sirius Black: We’re flying home now.
Harry: Will you be there?
Sirius: Yep.
Harry: Okay.
Sirius: Bad day?
Harry: Bad life.
Sirius: I love you.
Harry: People keep saying that.