“Harry, we don’t date terrorists.”
Thursday, October 18
“You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
Tony rubbed his eyes hard and looked again at the photo plastered across the front page of every online news report in the country.
There was New Yorks newest vigilante swinging through the skies in broad daylight with Harry clinging to him while the kid was obviously having the time of his life.
Stark’s Son Swings with Spiderman!
It wasn’t even an original title.
Public relations had been up Tony’s ass since the moment he sent Harry off to school that morning wanting to know how he wanted to play it.
Teenage rebellion, Avengers recruitment, or what?
Clearly they couldn’t say that Harry was the victim of a horrible kidnapping since the kid was smiling like a lunatic in the photo.
Tony spun his desk chair around and considered it for a moment…
“JARVIS?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Ask Pepper to come here if she’s free and send me everything on this Spider-Guy. It’s New York, he can’t really stay anonymous for long.”
“Yes, sir. I should have the information in your email momentarily.”
“Thanks.”
Tony scrubbed his face and looked at the photo again, only grinning a little to see the way Harry looked absolutely ecstatic in the photo. He told the kid that Spiderman was a domestic terrorist with the way he went around tying up people with rap sheets a mile long and no current proof of crimes.
Maybe he was catching criminals, but he was also making the criminals look like victims.
Spiderman was likely the one who saved Harry the night he got mugged, so it wasn’t like Tony hated the guy, but he’d rather not have his kid (literally) tangled up in the guy’s web.
While Tony waited for Pepper, he began sifting through the photos and videos on Spiderman that JARVIS sent him.
Whoever he was, he wasn’t camera shy, that was for sure.
There were hundreds of published photos and articles, thousands of videos from the street cameras. ‘#SuperSpider’ was trending on Twitter, YouTube, and Instagram with photos and videos praising him for his ‘good deeds’.
Tony clicked on one video and quickly fixed the resolution so he could clearly see as Spiderman came up on what looked like a car jacking and began toying with the guy.
“Get the fuck out of here!” The guy pulled a knife and pointed it at Spiderman. “Forget you saw this or it ain’t gonna be pretty.”
“Oh my God, is that a small knife? Please, no! I have such a weakness for small knives!”
Tony rubbed his chin and replayed that part again.
“I have such a weakness for small knives!”
Tony kept replaying that on a loop, frowning at the screen. It wasn’t Spiderman’s snark that felt familiar, it was his voice.
The next video he listened to wasn’t much better in terms of jogging his memory. If he had to guess, Spiderman couldn’t be older than early twenties, but that was about as much as he knew for sure.
Tony found a security camera video of Harry and Spiderman up on a roof the day they must have gone flying around together and clicked on it.
“I- I like you though, Spider-Bloke.”
Oh, kid. C’mon… no…
“I like you, Harry. If I could tell you who I am, I would.”
“Maybe I don’t care who you are. I know you’re a nice guy, you’re funny, and I like being around you.”
Tony knew exactly what was coming just before his son raised his chin and Spiderman tilted his down.
“Et tu, Junior?” Tony groaned, pausing the video.
Tony thought Harry’s antidepressant was just doing great work when Harry had been all shiny eyed and smiling during dinner last night.
Was this Tony’s karma for screwing Howard’s assistant after he fired him for theft?
It felt like some sort of karma.
Tony checked the time and was fairly certain Harry would be at lunch, so he sent a quick text to Harry’s recently replaced cell phone.
New rule: when we start making out with terrorists, maybe tell me before the news does?
Dad, you’ve got to come get me. People are being mad and there’s bloody news vans outside. I CANT EVEN EAT!
“Shit.” Tony hadn’t even thought about Harry being bothered at school over it all. Which was pretty damn inexcusable since he knew Harry made front page news that morning.
Sending Happy now, go wait in the office.
Hap, kid, quick.
On it, boss.
“Tony?”
Tony groaned and rolled his neck, working some of the tension out of it when Pepper stuck her head in his office.
“Rough day?” she asked sympathetically as she clicked her way in the room in her heels and skirt suit.
Tony pulled up the holographic screen and pulled his computers mirror screen up on it. “And just keeps getting worse.”
Pepper raised her brows at the very enthusiastic kiss Harry shared with the damn vigilante. “Oh, Harry, we don’t date terrorists.”
Tony snorted and finished off the coffee he had, knowing there wasn’t enough caffeine in the world to counter the headache he had building.
“Clearly he missed the memo,” Tony sighed. “He said he’s being mobbed at school by reporters, I just sent Happy to go get him.”
“I was worried about that,” Pepper said. She sat down across from Tony and pulled her phone out, tapping away quickly. “It looks like it’s News Seven and New York Daily.”
“Hacks,” Tony scoffed. News Seven were the ambulance chasers and NYD only covered celebrity gossip like rehab stints and affairs. They once took a photo of Nat with her torso turned just enough to make her look a bit pudgy and started reporting about ‘Possible Avengers Love Child!’
Tony didn’t know what Nat did in retaliation, but he knew that photo only ran a day before it was never seen again.
“Hey, Tony…” Pepper frowned at her phone and turned the screen so Tony could see some greasy bastard in a cheap suit reporting in front of Harry’s school. “Who’s that?”
“Isn’t his name like Chip or something ungodly stupid like that?”
Pepper rolled her eyes and handed Tony her phone. “Not him. Rewind a few seconds and look in the back, behind the silver Toyota.”
Tony obediently did it, watching the truck in the back until he saw a side profile of someone lurking behind the truck. The guy had a ball cap pulled down low and a dark jacket on while he watched Harry’s school. The dark hair hanging out below the cap was familiar, but it wasn’t until Tony saw a flash of a metal hand that it clicked in his head.
“Why the fuck is Sirius’ fuck buddy at Midtown?” Tony murmured, rewinding and watching it over and over. He was sure that was James… the same James that had gone back and forth with Harry at dinner and then ran out on Sirius…
Sure, he did Tony a favor because Sirius wound up in his bed that night, but why the fuck would he be outside Midtown High?
“JARVIS, where’s Sirius at?”
“Mister Black is in Mister Roger’s living room, sir.”
“Hey, don’t take off yet,” Pepper said, standing up when Tony did. “How are we playing the Spiderman angle? We need to release something before they keep making speculations.”
Tony poured himself a refill of coffee in his silver mug and hummed after taking a long drink.
“Avenger’s recruit?” Tony mused aloud.
“And affiliate him with the team?” Pepper asked skeptically. “He’s getting close to having a warrant out for his arrest, Tony.”
“Okay, yeah…” Tony ran a hand through his hair, feeling more frustrated than he had in a while. “Odds on Harry agreeing not to see him again?”
“He’s your son.”
“Good point,” Tony conceded. “Can this wait maybe an hour? Harry’ll be home soon and I can ask him about it. If we can get ‘Spider-bloke’s’ identity, we can assess it better.”
Tony was sure he’d met him before, his voice was damn familiar. He’d talked to him on the phone when Harry got mugged, but he didn’t think that was the memory niggling at him.
“One hour then text me,” Pepper said briskly. “We need a statement before they start with wild speculations and before that,” she pointed at the screen still showing Harry and the vigilante lip-locked on a rooftop, “gets out.”
“One hour,” Tony agreed. He snatched his phone off his desk and held his coffee like a lifeline. “You know, I sort of thought retiring the suit meant that my life would get easier.”
“You’ve got a teenager, nothing is going to be easy again,” Pepper said. She smiled at Tony and flicked her smooth ponytail over her shoulder. “You’re doing great though, Tony, really. Harry seems to be doing so much better lately.”
Harry had been doing better lately. His grades went up, even from just the straight failing grades he had to something a little higher than 60%. Strange said he was making quicker progress with his tutoring now that he could sit still for more than five seconds straight, and he’d been going to see his therapist every week without a fight. They adjusted the dose of his medicine and honestly Tony thought everything had been going smoothly lately.
Which should have been a red flag, apparently.
“Thanks,” Tony said, accepting the acclaim he didn’t deserve. It was Harry doing all the hard work, Tony was just sitting back and dealing with vigilantes and apparent stalkers. “I’ll text you as soon as I talk to Harry, maybe get some answers.”
“Good luuuuck,” Pepper sang.
Tony would need it, he was sure.
“Wow, I call it quits and suddenly I’m not invited to meetings anymore, rude.”
Tony waltzed in Steve’s place, looking around the table they had set up and covered in a bunch of classified documents that stank like SHIELD.
“How can we help you, Tony?” Steve asked, his voice a couple degrees cooler than Tony thought he deserved. Sure, Steve had been on a high horse about Tony quitting the team, but it wasn’t like Steve had kids and could commiserate with the choice Tony had to make.
The others were all friendly looking enough, except for Pietro who looked half-dead in his chair beside Sirius. Tony was surprised Pietro stuck around after Wanda died, honestly.
Tony paid for her body to be sent back to Europe and had all the cremation and funeral costs billed to him. He sort of assumed that Pietro was going to stay in Europe after the funeral; it had been Wanda’s idea to join the team, not his.
Not that Tony minded one way or another, Quick-Kid wasn’t as much of a threat in Tony’s world as Wanda had been, but still.
“I came to chat with Sirius,” Tony said lightly. He took the empty seat across from Sirius and pulled up a screen to play the video for them all. “Watch the silver Toyota in the back,” he said before having it play.
Everyone, aside from Pietro who was either stoned or drunk off his ass, leaned in to see the video being projected. The audio was muted and Tony zoomed in on the only area of interest.
Tony was so busy watching Sirius for any minute reaction that he almost missed the sharp look Nat sent at Steve the moment Sirius’ boy toy made his appearance.
“What am I missing here?” Tony asked, pausing it and looking from Nat to Steve to Sirius. “What? Did we recruit James and nobody told me?”
“How do you know his name?” Steve asked, calm aside from a itty bitty flicker of unease in those ‘baby blue and can’t lie for shit’ eyes of his.
The temperature in the room dropped and Tony felt like he was somehow way in the outfield while everyone else had been running the bases.
“How do you know his name?” Sirius asked Steve, at least reassuring Tony that they weren’t all working against him.
“What the hell is he doing outside the kid’s school?” Nat said, thankfully focusing on the important issue.
“HEY!” Tony raised his voice and the others all looked at him. “WHO THE HELL IS HE?”
“Aside from a disappointment of a shag,” Sirius added brightly.
“You had sex with Bucky?” Steve gaped.
Nat laughed meanly. “You fucked the Winter Soldier?”
Clint gasped, “That’s the fucking Winter Soldier?”
“Who is the Winter Soldier?” Tony and Pietro both asked, Tony furiously and Pietro dully.
Tony hadn’t resigned more than two and a half weeks ago and they all lived in his tower- where did they get off keeping secrets from him? Especially when those secrets were hanging around his son’s school?
“Tony, listen, this is a delicate situation…” Steve started slowly, his body tense and his voice tight. “Fury sent us on a mission back in March, a political assassin that needed caught.”
“And then we show up and it’s the God damned Winter Soldier,” Nat jumped in. “The Winter Soldier first popped up on SHIELD’s radar back in the 80’s. He’s one of the most prolific assassins out there.”
“You sound jealous, Nat,” Bruce said drily.
“They called him the Ghost because he was impossible to catch,” Nat spat bitterly. “He was never caught on camera, nothing.”
“Until we found him,” Steve said. He cleared his throat and looked as uncomfortable as Tony had ever seen him. “And the Winter Soldier was Bucky… my… my best friend, Bucky.”
Everyone looked at Steve- even Pietro lifted his head to blink blearily at him.
Tony’s head was spinning, actually, and he thought he might throw all his coffee back up… preferably on Steve.
Not only was Harry making out with masked vigilantes on rooftops, but he was being stalked by an assassin so accomplished that the Black Widow was jealous.
Tony quickly sent Happy a message, holding his breath until Happy confirmed he had Harry in the car and would bring him straight to Tony.
“You’ve got other friends?” Sirius asked Steve with a mocking lilt to his tone. “Fit ones that hang out in pubs?”
“Oh, you’ll like this,” Nat said, leaning across the table to smile cruelly at Sirius. “Bucky and Steve are the same age.”
“Really?” Sirius didn’t seem put out by Bucky’s age, he just looked appraisingly at Steve. “Bloody hell, well he’s fit for a hundred year old bloke.”
“I don’t give a damn about that!” Tony thundered, smacking the table hard and regaining the spotlight. “What I want to know is why is some superhuman assassin STALKING MY SON?!”
Nobody had an answer, but Steve looked guilty as hell.
“Bucky isn’t in his right mind,” he said firmly. “He was hijacked by HYDRA and programmed to kill.”
“This just gets worse and worse!” Tony yelled, throwing his hands in the air. “‘Don’t worry, Tony, Bucky’s a good guy, he was just programmed by HYDRA’!”
“He was harmless,” Sirius said, trying to assure Tony probably.
“YOU SAID HE NEARLY BROKE YOUR ARM!”
“I can talk to him, find out why he’s hanging around Harry’s school,” Steve said quickly, too quickly. “But Tony, you can’t breathe a word of this. If SHIELD or HYDRA find him—”
“Get out.”
“What?” Steve raised his brows at Tony.
Tony took a deep breath and ensured that he was making a rational decision.
Yeah, he was.
Tony leaned toward Steve and repeated himself.
“I said get out,” Tony said calmly. “When your first concern is about keeping the assassin from being caught instead of Harry’s safety, I don’t want you here.”
“Tony, wait, this isn’t—”
“Shut up,” Tony told Bruce, not taking his eyes off Steve. “It’s my tower, it’s my money paying for the jet and all your other cozy comforts. And more than that- this is Harry’s home. So get out.”
“Fine.” Steve stood up and nodded. “I understand, Tony. Harry is your family, but Bucky is mine.”
“If you find your friend before I do, I’d tell him to stay far the fuck away from my kid,” Tony said harshly. “Russia sounds nearly far enough away from him.”
“And they don’t have extradition treaties,” Sirius said, thankfully siding with Tony.
The rest of the team looked from Tony to Steve, torn as they weighed the heavy tension between the two of them. Tony didn’t look away from Steve, he couldn’t believe that was someone he considered his friend.
Steve’s real ‘best friend’ was an enhanced assassin and Steve knew he was running free and didn’t think to warn anyone. More than that, he sat high up on his pedestal, judging Tony, when Tony didn’t tell anyone about trying to pursue Project Ultron.
Steve stood by while everyone turned their backs on Tony for ‘keeping secrets’ while he had his secret hidden from SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers both.
“I’ll reach out to the rest of you about this trip to Brasília,” Steve said. He collected a handful of the folders and documents on the table and then looked to Tony again. “Tony, Bucky is my family, but so are you.”
“You’re wrong, Cap, Harry is my family,” Tony said with a sneer. “I guess I wasn’t the only one keeping things from the team, huh?”
“I guess since I knew about it, I should go too,” Nat said, rising in a single fluid motion.
Bruce lifted his hand to Nat while his brown eyes went all sad and puppy-like. “Natasha…”
“Tony, come on,” Clint said, “you can’t rip the team apart… you’re not even leading it anymore.”
“I didn’t rip anything in half,” Tony said. He nodded his head where Steve stood still looking righteous and just the perfect shade of apologetic. “If you want to play the blame game, I’d look to Mister Red, White, and Blue.”
Clint scrubbed his face and growled quietly before getting up and snatching the documents that sat before him in his hands. “Steve should have told us,” he shot Steve and Nat a hard look, “but if they go then I guess I’m going too.”
“Fine by me,” Tony said blithely. “Sure, everyone was ‘fuck Tony’ when I kept a secret, but Steve keeps one and nobody cares.”
“Your secret had the potential to destroy the world!” Steve snapped.
Tony got to his feet and slapped his hands on the table. “AND YOURS IS STALKING MY WORLD!”
“Tony is correct,” Pietro drawled tiredly. “The moral high ground is not quite so high now, is it, Steve?”
“If I knew Bucky was an assassin, I wouldn’t have brought him around my bloody godson,” Sirius added, genuinely looking disgusted when he looked dismissively at Steve. “Way to keep everyone ‘appraised on the situation’, mate.”
When Bruce didn’t add anything, but didn’t stand up, Steve nodded again.
“If you need me, you know how to contact me,” he said to Tony. “I’m sorry, Tony. I’ll find Bucky and tell him to stand down, I swear.”
“You do that,” Tony scoffed. He waited until the three of them marched out, Clint patted Tony’s shoulder as he went, before turning to Sirius.
“You’re in charge of finding Bucky,” Tony told him. “I want him caught and I want him locked up.”
Sirius brought two fingers to his forehead then swung them out in a salute. “I’m on it, mate. How’s Harry?”
Tony checked his phone and let out a relieved sigh. “He’s home,” he told Sirius. He looked at Pietro and Bruce and gave them a half-assed smile of gratitude. “If you’re staying here, it means not filling the others in on capturing this guy, got it?”
“Aye, aye, captain,” Pietro drawled before plopping his chin on his hand and closing his eyes.
Bruce looked uncomfortable, but he nodded slowly when Tony turned to him for agreement.
“We work better together,” Bruce said.
Tony scoffed loudly and as disdainfully as he could. “Tell that to the ones keeping a pet assassin, Brucie Bear. Good talk though, glad you kiddies all chose Daddy over Mommy, but now I’ve got my actual son to deal with.”
“Bye, Daddy!” Sirius called cheekily when Tony left. “I’ll bring you a present soon!”
Despite the fact that Harry was in a blood-feud with Sirius, Tony was relieved that Sirius put Harry’s safety above a guy he wanted to sleep with.
Not that Tony ever doubted him of course…
“Aside from a beetle, at least I can say that Hogwarts never had reporters camping out trying to catch me at lunch,” Harry said when Tony joined him in the living room. Harry had his backpack and jacket tossed on the floor and a bowl of marshmallow cereal on his lap that he was practically inhaling.
Tony took a moment to admire the image before him. Harry looked like any other teenager in the world just then- his shit tossed everywhere, eating a huge bowl of cereal he didn’t ask permission for, and complaining in the self-centered way that teens were so good at.
It was a damn good image.
And Tony was about to ruin it.
“I mean maybe you wouldn’t be harassed right now if you didn’t go around befriending terrorists,” Tony said lightly as he plopped on the couch beside Harry. “Or, you know, sharing your saliva on roofs.”
Harry froze for a moment with his spoon full of marshmallows halfway to his mouth. He glanced at Tony and his eyes were absolutely screaming guilt, but not fear.
So it was still progress.
“Er… listen…” Harry put the spoon back in the bowl and sat the bowl on the coffee table. “I think you’ve got him all wrong, really. Spider-bloke’s not a terrorist, or whatever, he’s brilliant.”
“Yeah?” Tony put a bent arm behind his head, leaning back and getting comfortable. “Why don’t you tell me all about ‘Spider-Bloke’, and I’ll tell you why you’re going to have a body guard for a while.”
“What?” Harry pulled his legs up under himself and turned to face Tony. “Why do I need a bloody bodyguard?”
“You’re being stalked,” Tony said bluntly.
“Oh, Bucky?”
“Kid, what the hell?!” Tony turned so he was resting against the armrest and threw his hands up again. “You knew you were being stalked by some brainwashed assassin with a go-go gadget arm?!”
“Bucky’s an assassin?” Harry asked, looking more puzzled than actually scared.
Sure, Tony yelling had the kid quivering in his Converse, but a brainwashed enhanced assassin trained by HYDRA? Nope, then the kid was just ‘a little confused’.
The worst part was, Tony couldn’t tell if it was a genetic trait he gave him or Lily Potter did.
“Yes,” Tony said slowly, hoping to make an impression. “So when I say, ‘hey, stay away from him’, I mean it.”
“But you said that about Spiderman?”
“And I meant it then too, kid.”
Harry rolled his eyes then glared at Tony through his bangs. “Spider-Man’s not dangerous and neither is Bucky. Bucky’s sick, or something. He needs help.”
“Great, then we’ll find the best prison psychiatrist we can, maybe a Malcolm Crowe but less ghost, okay?”
“Oi!” Harry yelped. “You can’t arrest him! He needs help, not punishment!”
“He’s called the Winter Soldier, Harry,” Tony said, hoping to appeal to that tiny little area of Harry’s brain that processed logic. “He’s enhanced and Nat calls him the ghost. I haven’t had a chance to dig yet, but if he’s been around as long as Steve, who knows who all he’s targeted?”
Harry didn’t look convinced at all, he just looked sympathetic as if the assassin stalking him was a little kicked puppy who needed treats and head pats.
“No bodyguard,” Harry said. “Spiderman, er… he already scared him off anyway, so it’s fine.”
Tony took an incredibly deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment.
Don’t scream… don’t scream… don’t scream…
“Harry, could you please tell me what you mean?” Tony asked slowly and patiently.
“Sure, I’m going to finish my cereal first though.”
And Tony was going to get more coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.
Once Harry was finished with his thrilling tale about hanging out with terrorists and assassins, Tony had to call it quits on coffee and go straight for a neat glass of scotch to ease his headache.
“Awesome… awesome…” Tony sighed, throwing the drink back in one motion. “What’s your dashing darling’s name?”
Harry blinked at him. “No idea.”
“Harry! We don’t kiss strangers!” Tony said, like a filthy hypocrite. A hypocrite whose son wasn’t buying it.
“You remember every person you kissed?” Harry scoffed.
“What if he’s got herpes?”
“Herpes??” Harry laughed and relaxed on his side of the couch. “He doesn’t have herpes.”
“How old is he?” Tony asked instead.
“Nineteen.”
“Harry!” Tony groaned and snatched the bottle off the coffee table, clearly there wasn’t enough scotch in the world either. “You’re fifteen!”
Harry shrugged with all of Tony’s own careless arrogance. “He’s fit and we’re friends.”
“Can you get him here to talk?” Tony asked, changing tactics quickly. “You know, meet your father, it’s an important step in any disturbing relationship with a domestic terrorist.”
Harry laughed and grabbed his empty bowl while he gave Tony a condescending smirk.
“I know my grades are bullshit, but I’m not an idiot. I bring him here and you try and lock him up with Bucky, right?” Harry shook his head down at Tony. “You wanna arrest Gwen too? Take all my friends in a single go?”
Tony twisted around on the couch to continue the conversation while Harry went to wash his bowl. “Did Gwen start her own vigilante system? Maybe kill a few people?”
“Maybe,” Harry called back to him. “I’m not a narcotic though.”
Tony fought the urge to laugh at his kid. “Narc, Harry, you’re not a narc.”
Harry put his dishes in the strainer and walked back with a frown on his lips. “Isn’t narc short for narcotic?”
Tony laughed and closed his eyes while he tried to sort through the mess that never seemed to get any cleaner.
“No, it’s not,” he told Harry. He pulled his phone out and waved his thumbs over the screen, thinking it through quickly before he messaged Pepper.
As far as anyone knows, the arachnid is part of the Avengers. And I want the face of the guy behind the truck on every news channel in every country with a 500k reward for capture.
“No more hanging out with terrorists and killers,” Tony told Harry firmly. “Got it?”
Harry hummed and smiled sweetly, a face full of lies. “Of course.”
Tony sighed and went ahead and poured himself a third drink.
“Your grandmother once told me she hoped I had a kid half as defiant as I was one day,” Tony told Harry. “You are my karma for every time I told my father to go fuck himself.”
“I’m only half as bad as you were?” Harry asked. He clicked his tongue. “I can try harder.”
Tony eyed his son with almost as much amusement as he did exhaustion. Harry had a little mischievous sparkle in his eyes and a cocky smirk on his lips.
“I didn’t date a terrorist until I was seventeen, and even then I didn’t know about it,” Tony said, grinning himself then.
“So I’m an overachiever?” Harry asked. “Hermione will be proud of me.”
Tony laughed and then relaxed back, propping his feet on the coffee table and trying to enjoy the moment with his son before he was sure all hell broke loose eventually.
“Excellent.” Tony grabbed the remote and turned on News Seven so he could watch the hacks drag out ‘Stark’s Son Swings with Spiderman’ for as many ratings as they could.
Harry tilted his head at the TV and twisted his lips to the side thoughtfully. “They’re not very original, are they?”
Tony raised his glass in the air. “That’s what I said.” He pulled up the photo of Harry and the pain in his ass vigilante on his phone and flashed it at Harry. “I think this photo could be captioned with ‘Swapping Spit with Spiders: a Stark Son Story’.”
Harry laughed while he looked at the incriminating photo. “How much do you think a reporter would pay for that photo? Peter used to sell celebrity shots to magazines and Spider-Bloke’s a bit famous now, isn’t he?”
Tony snorted at his kid finally picking up the Stark entrepreneurial spirit. “I’ll pay you double to not give it out,” he offered.
“Ten dollars and you send me the picture,” Harry said swiftly with a charming smile. “Then I won’t sell our love story to the magazines.”
Tony looked and saw that Harry was perfectly serious, which sent him in a hysterical fit of laughter because clearly his son - defender of assassins, lover of terrorists - had driven him completely insane.
“Okay, kid, you’ve got yourself a deal.”