balancing act

James: so

the couch.

Regulus: the couch?

James: I love you.

I hate the couch.

Regulus: …

you hate the couch?

James: it doesn’t fit the space

you know?

like fung shway 

Regulus: you mean fung shui?

James: probably!

Regulus: did you or did you not already buy a new couch?

James: I love you!!

Regulus: you are unbelievable.

James: I know <3

can i have it delivered to the house?

Regulus: I’m sure you already did.

so.

James: you know me so well!

———

Sirius: james told me some very interesting news today

Regulus: shut up

Sirius: reggie!

you named your dog after me !!

Regulus: i didn’t

james did.

Sirius: yeah but you let him <33

so cute <33

Regulus: literally die

Sirius: tell padfoot(!!!) that papa sirius says hello !!

Regulus: …

papa sirius?

Sirius: mhm

obviously

Regulus: i will not be doing that.

Sirius: whatever

james will anyway

Regulus: he won’t

Sirius: mhm mhm

sure he won’t

what’d you name the other one anyway?

Regulus: marley

Sirius: HA!

like after Marlene?

Regulus: what.

———

Marlene: oh my god.

oh my god.

regulus.

you named your dog after me !!!!

Regulus: i did not

Marlene: oh come on

tell me it’s a coincidence 

Regulus: it’s a coincidence

Marlene: sure it is

———

James: did you know they make sunglasses for dogs?

Regulus: don’t. 

James: what?

Regulus: you let me name our dog marley and now marlene thinks it’s after her.

James: …

well

isn’t it?

Regulus: no

why would it be?

James: just you and marlene got close

and like

she’s like a sister to us both

Regulus: says who?

James: c’mon reg

admit it

you love marlene <333

Regulus: i hate everyone right now, actually

James: brother sirius and sister marlene

aka padfoot and marley <33

awwww

wait that’s so cute

Regulus: :/

James: <333

———

James: Hey!

Regulus: is everything okay?

James: so very peachy keen!

Remus wrote a new song.

can i send it over?

Regulus: umm

yes?

i can’t promise i’ll get to it soon

James: I know !!

we have it mostly done i think

just want a more professional eye

apparently peter knows a little something about the producing process

said you taught him?

Regulus: yeah

i showed him a bit

he was curious

James: aww

Regulus: stfu.

James: mhm

how are you !?

Regulus: busy

James: I know

other than that though?

Regulus: I saw you like two weeks ago

James: a horrendously long time if you ask me

Regulus: I’m fine

the dogs are good

the couch arrived.

James: ooh ooh !! 

the couch !!!

isn’t she beautiful !!

Regulus: it’s orange

James: you hate it?

Regulus: you love it

so i love it

James: really?

Regulus: really

James:  i am swooning over here rn

Regulus: ur easy

James: and proud of it

———

Regulus: James. 

James: uh oh. 

Regulus: just… why?

James: umm

I actually do not know what you are referring to at the moment. 

Regulus: the fact that two strangers showed up on my doorstep saying they were delivering me a trampoline !???

James: oh!!! that!!!

Regulus: James. 

James: have you ever owned a trampoline, regulus?

Regulus: no. and for good reason. 

they are death traps. 

James: but they’re so so so fun!!!!!!!

Regulus: do you know how many kids break their necks on those things?

James: it’s a good thing we are two fully functioning adults then ??

Regulus: just because we are adults does not mean we are immune to the dangers of a trampoline

James: true ! but we know how to be safe !

Regulus: ... 

we can keep it

but only if you get a net. 

James: really !!!??????!(!,!,!2&491@3&29/&:

will order a net right away <3

Regulus: good. 

———

James: I miss you

Regulus: it’s midnight

James: yeah.

it is.

i still miss you

Regulus: cute

James: not in the cute way

I *miss* you

Regulus: oh

I see

James: you do?

Regulus: ur horny

James: ugh

it’s horrible without you here

do you miss me too?

Regulus I always miss you

James: yeah but in the same way I miss you right now?

Regulus: James go take a cold shower

James: won’t help

ducky <3: I’m rolling my eyes at you rn

James: that’s so hot

Regulus: oh my god

you’re so ridiculous 

James: you still haven’t answered my question, you know?

Regulus: I always miss you

In every sense of the word

In every way

James: come over

Regulus: we are in different countries

James: okay but I need you here

with me

like right now

please

Regulus: tempting offer

but I’m going to bed 

James: ):

okay

for what it is worth I do also miss you in the traditional sense as well

I always do 

Regulus: I know

me too

Goodnight, James

James: <333333

———

James: can dogs swim?

Regulus: depends on the dog

James: can our* dogs swim?

Regulus: no idea

James: hmm

———

Regulus: I can’t help but notice all of the boxes in my living room 

James: oh?

Regulus: mhm 

and it got me thinking 

all of james’ stuff is here, so where is James?

James: aww

you miss me <3

Regulus: i miss having floor space, actually. 

James: it’s a mansion. there is plenty of space. 

Regulus: it’s a villa. 

James: I swear I’ll be there within the week. but I want to help Sirius and Remus first 

Regulus: okay

also I looked at that song

Afraid? Is that the name?

James: ooh!! really ????

also yes that’s the name !!

Regulus: yeah

I like it

Who wrote it again?

James: Remus :(

poor guy

Regulus: yeah

anyway

I can polish it up if you guys want

James: we want we want we want ! ! !

please <3

Regulus: I can do it later tonight, I think

James: muah ur the best !!

Regulus: do you have an album title yet?

James: yeah

‘Love Songs for Regulus Black’

Regulus: so many of those songs are not love songs. 

also no.

just generally. 

James: it would be fitting though

Regulus: only for half of the album

James: ):

Sirius already vetoed it anyway. 

So. 

Still unnamed little baby

Regulus: hmm

well get on that

James: ugh

you sound like mary 

Regulus: oh well 

———

James: sirius is tired of me hovering :(

Regulus: crazy. I wonder why. 

James: oh you’re all so mean to me

Regulus: James. they probably want to shag. 

christen the house or something 

James: …

well they can wait. 

their cottage is so so cute too

I want to live here

we should all move in together !!

Regulus: you’re funny

James: I’m not joking

Regulus: are you okay?

James: yeah

just sentimental 

Regulus: okay

James: okay?

Regulus: okay in the sense that I don’t really believe you but you’re going to be here soon so no use talking about it over text

James: mhm

you know me too well

***

Sirius and Remus’ new house really was beautiful. James has no idea how they were able to find it. It was located in the French countryside, surrounded by trees and nature for miles and miles. It was genuinely the coziest place that James has ever been. It was two stories and painted white with a purple door. The front yard had flowerbeds and the house had ivy growing on it.

James had audibly gasped at the sight of it.

Now though, Sirius and Remus were basically all moved in, and there was no reason for James to be there anymore.

“My life is ending,” James said.

“Prongs, your life isn’t ending.”

“I’m sorry,” James said immediately.

Sirius sighed. “Don’t apologize.”

“You’re upset with me,” James said, because he was aware of that much. Very few times has Sirius been properly upset with James, and while this probably doesn’t count, it’s close enough to make James feel bad.

“Never.”

“Sirius.”

“Just… I mean you’re moving in with Regulus.”

James nodded. “I know.”

“And I am moving in with Remus. Right now. Like permanently.”

“I know.”

“These are good things.”

James sighed, leaning against the counter. He did know that. He was happy for all four of them, and he knew that this was the next step for all of them.

“I’m going to miss you,” James said. They were about to be living in different countries, they were about to be starting their real, adult lives. Remus and Sirius were probably going to have a couple of kids, and James and Regulus were… well they were still figuring out what they really want for the future. James thinks he would like kids, and he knows that Regulus would be a great dad, but obviously only if Regulus wants that too.

“Not more than I’m going to miss you.”

James shook his head. “Impossible.”

“I’ll call you everyday,” Sirius promised.

James snorted. “Yeah, you’d better.”

“Be honest with me, are you just floating around here because you’re going to miss me, or because you’re scared?”

James looked up, not expecting that question. “Because I’m going to miss you,” James said without missing a beat. He hadn’t really thought about it though, and from the looks Sirius was giving him, maybe it was about time he did so.

James hasn’t really let him think about it. He has kept himself plenty busy the past three weeks. Regulus had gone back to Spain after they had finished recording thirteen different songs for the album. There were still a couple other unfinished songs that Regulus was working on for them. Still, there was a lot to be done. They had photo shoots for the album cover, and they were still constantly writing new stuff. They were also trying to come up with an album title, which was proving to be the most difficult part of the process. There wasn’t one word that really encapsulated the feeling of the album, it varied too much, there were just too many feelings. 

There has also been all of the packing. James had not realized how much stuff he and Sirius owned. James has slowly been shipping his stuff to Regulus’ house, along with some new stuff he bought that he thought was wholly necessary. Still, it was a lot of work trying to move households.

All that to say, James has been too busy to think.

James had wished for so long that he could have something like this. A life and a future with somebody he loved, and with somebody who loved him. It was a dream, one that he couldn’t believe that he was living. There is nothing he wants more than to move in with Regulus and start their future together.

And, yet.

Here he is. At Sirius’ house rather than his own. 

He is the one who has been putting it off, he’s the reason why he’s not already in Spain with his boyfriend and his dogs.

So maybe Sirius has a point. Maybe James is scared. When he was younger, James never had a clear vision of what his life would look like. The only constant was Sirius, he knew that Sirius would always be in his life. Everything else always seemed a little bit blurry. Would he get married? Would he have kids? What would his partner look like? Where would he live? Etc etc. None of these questions ever had an answer, until recently.

And that’s… new. It’s so new and James is so excited because he is in love and he loves Spain and he loves his life. 

There is no doubt in his mind that he’s going to be with Regulus for the rest of his life. He has no reason to spend time wondering about whether or not they’re going to break up. That isn’t what he’s worried about.

But it’s a big step.

“It’s the start of forever, Sirius. Of course I’m scared,” James said after a long pause. “I- This is literally the rest of my life, you know?”

“I know,” Sirius said, because he did know. He was going through the same thing. 

“What if he gets bored of me?” James blurts out.

“He won’t.”

“Or annoyed? Or he hates living with me? Or-”

“James,” Sirius interrupted, hands on his shoulders. “This is Regulus we are talking about.”

“I know. It’s your brother and I shouldn’t talk about him like that-”

“That is not what I meant. Just… I’ve seen the way he looks at you, especially when you’re not looking. There is zero chance that he gets bored of you.”

“How does he look at me?” James asked, eyes lighting up a little bit even at the hint of Regulus looking at him.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Like a lovesick fool. Nauseates me.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Okay, well my point still stands.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Sirius shook him a little, causing James to smile. “Let yourself relax. Go move in with Regulus and be all domestic so that I can shag my soon to be fiancée.”

James started laughing only to stop. “What?”

Sirius smiled. “You think I don’t know that Lupin’s planning to propose? He isn’t exactly subtle about it.”

“I- No, I imagine he’s not,” James said with a shrug. “What are you gonna say when he does it?”

“If he does it,” Sirius mumbled. “At this rate I’m going to have to propose to myself.”

“You would.”

“I would,” Sirius agreed. 

James left Sirius’ new house with a smile on his face and a newfound sense of peace.

He was moving in with his boyfriend. The literal love of his life. 

He had to get to Spain.

***

At least five times a day, Regulus would wander into his living room and stare at all of James’ things. He didn’t want to unpack everything without James’ permission, so it has all been collecting dust for the past couple of weeks.

Regulus will walk in, linger in the doorway, and just look. He wonders what is in the boxes, he wonders where it’s all going to go. He wonders when the fuck James is going to be here. Seriously. Where is he? Remus texted Regulus a while ago, close to begging him to drag James out of their house. Before, Regulus didn’t think that it was too soon, but the longer that James waits to move in, the more Regulus believes it. Maybe James isn’t ready, or he’s changed his mind. 

It’s just… Regulus knows that James wants to be more than what they are. He knows that James wants to be more than just long distance boyfriends who sometimes have to go months without seeing each other. Regulus wants more than that too. He wants… Well he isn’t entirely sure what he wants, or at the very least he’s afraid to even admit it to himself. 

There is a trampoline in his backyard, a brand new bright orange couch, at least twenty boxes worth of things, and two dogs here. It has everything except for the one thing that Regulus wants.

Where is James?

Regulus needed a glass of wine.

———

Regulus: where are you?

James: wdym?

Regulus: I mean you’re not here

and you should be here.

James: I am on my way

Regulus: you’ve been ‘on your way’ for almost a month.

James: I know

but like for real this time.

Regulus: do you not want to do this?

James: what are you talking about?

of course I want to

Regulus: are you sure?

you just keep putting it off

and you have excuses as to why you’re not here yet.

why aren’t you here?

James: I’m on my way

Regulus: do you want to be?

James: more than anything

Regulus: i miss you

i hate missing you.

James: i’m pretending you meant that in a cute way

Regulus: i did.

i hate missing you

it’s the worst.

like you could just be here

and i wouldn’t have to miss you anymore

James: baby i swear i am on my way

Regulus: pads and marley miss you too

and all of your stuff is here

all of it.

you have a lot of stuff

James: we can put most of it in storage

probably

not the salt + pepper shakers though

the little chefs

they’re too cute

Regulus: i don’t care about the stuff

other than the fact that it is literally collecting dust.

dust, james.

literal dust.

i hate dusting.

James: i am on the train right now

i will do all the dusting when i get there

Regulus: wait 

you’re coming now?

James: I have been saying.

Regulus: you can’t.

James: i can’t?

Regulus: well.

no.

James: why not?

Regulus: how far away are you?

James: like an hour or so away

Regulus: i am like belligerently intoxicated at the moment.

James: i don’t mind

Regulus: i’m sorry

James: no need to be

Regulus: i just thought you were never coming

James: yeah

i had a bit of a moment actually

Regulus: a moment?

James: i will tell you all about it when i get home

———

James, true to his word, showed up a little over an hour after he sent that message. Regulus had been waiting in the kitchen, drinking water and eating plain bread. 

He hadn’t expected to be nervous about this though. James was here to live here. Permanently. 

He didn’t knock, he just walked right in. Which was what James always did, but it felt different this time. 

“Reg?” James called. 

Regulus stood up, not even having time to say anything before James found him and the dogs.

He smiled, not missing a beat as he pulled Regulus in for a much needed hug. Regulus hadn’t even realized just how much he needed one until he was melting in James’ arms. Regulus never thought he would be one of those people in a relationship that craved touch, but it truthfully felt like Regulus couldn’t breathe until James was touching him.

“You smell good,” James said, all but refusing to let Regulus go.

Regulus snorted. “I smell like wine and cigarettes.”

James hummed. “Divine.”

Regulus pulled back a little bit. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Mhm, and starved.”

“Starved?”

“I forgot to eat. What have you got?”

Regulus sort of hated grocery shopping, is the thing. It’s nice when James is here, because he loves it, and he loves cooking meals, and Regulus no longer has any issue with him doing so. It’s just that when James isn’t here, Regulus tends to forget about the whole ‘three square meals’ a day thing. He has mostly been surviving on granola bars, having bought the big box a couple of months ago.

James frowned at the look on Regulus’ face. “You’ve got nothing, don’t you?”

“Well… I don’t. But-”

James held a finger up. “Get your shoes on,” he said, bending down to officially greet Padfoot and Marley. 

It had taken a lot of convincing on James’ part. Regulus refused to name his dog after his brother, or he at least tried to. But James was very good at guilt tripping when he wanted to be, making a big fuss about how much he was going to miss Sirius and bla bla bla. Anyway, now they had Padfoot and Regulus was already used to calling him Pads, and it was all a bit ridiculous. Regulus had named Marley though, after Marley & Me (and not after Marlene, despite incredibly popular opinion). It was the first movie to make him cry, and it was also the movie responsible for making him even like dogs in the first place.

“Where are we going?”

James looked up at him, still on the ground and letting Marley lick his face. “To the grocery store.”

Regulus opened his mouth to say something, protest or disagree, but James cut him off.

“No arguments, please. We need food.”

It wasn’t as if Regulus could deny him that, so he laced up his shoes while James went to find leashes for Padfoot and Marley.

Regulus sat and watched James walk around the house for a moment. Their house. It didn’t feel real. It didn’t feel like James was here to stay, that he was going to be living here. Normally, when James would come to visit, Regulus would push the date of his departure out of his mind, deciding to enjoy his company for the time that he had it. But there is no departure date this time. 

Regulus had the time to just sit and watch and appreciate the fact that James was here. He was here. He was in casual clothes, just sweatpants and a hoodie from his last tour. Sometimes Regulus had to sit with the fact that James was real. He existed and he decided to spend part of his existence with Regulus, and sometimes that hit him so hard that he couldn’t even think properly. 

“Can we watch Marley and Me tonight?” James asked, sitting on the floor again and putting the leashes on.

Regulus snapped out of his daze. “What?”

“The movie. I’ve never seen it.”

“You let me name our dog after a dog from a movie you have never seen?”

“Of course.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

James smiled. “So we can watch it?”

“It’s necessary that we do.”

***

Spain has a special place in James’ heart for many reasons, but one of them has to be how naturally beautiful it is. 

Regulus’ house- Their house is within walking distance to a tiny convenience store, and since Regulus is too intoxicated to drive, and James simply does not want to, they walk.

James has Regulus walk Padfoot, thinking that they need more bonding time. Really, it didn’t take as much convincing as James thought it would. Regulus only fought against it for a total of twenty four hours before giving in, and James thinks it’s secretly because he likes the idea of having something related to his brother be so close to him. 

“You said you were having a moment,” Regulus said, addressing the elephant that was in the room. James was supposed to be here over a week ago. 

James let out a breath. “Yeah.”

“Tell me about it,” Regulus said, actually wanting to know. 

For some reason, James thought that maybe Regulus would be upset with him. James had sort of kept him waiting with little to no explanation and a house full of junk. But of course Regulus wouldn’t be mad. Sometimes James thinks that Regulus lets him get away with too much. 

Still, James tells him about it the whole walk there. He has slowly learned that Regulus doesn’t care if James is okay. Or… he does care, but he won’t love James any less if he has a bad day. In hindsight that feels obvious, but it wasn’t always. 

“Oh,” Regulus said after James finished his long speech about all of his insecurities. “I- why didn’t you just talk to me?” 

James shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. “I just… felt stupid, I guess. Or silly.”

Regulus paused. They weren’t far from the shop now, and they would probably be closing soon. 

“Well that’s stupid,” Regulus said, causing James to smile. “Shut up. I just meant that I was thinking the same things, dumbass.”

James started laughing, he couldn’t help it. Regulus was blushing now, although that could have been from how hot it was outside, even after the sun had already set. 

“You’re the worst.”

“I love you, too.”

Regulus huffed a breath and rolled his eyes, something that he always did whenever he was trying to downplay what he was about to say. “I mean we ever really spoke about it.”

“It?” James asked. 

“Moving in together.”

“Yeah we did,” James said, because he vividly remembers the moment Regulus asked him. 

“No. I mean yes, but no. We never talked about… well what it means.”

“What it means,” James echoed, unsure what else to say. 

“Like our future,” Regulus said, not really meeting James’ eyes. 

“Our future,” James said, letting hope into his voice. Regulus is right, they haven’t spoken about it, which is part of the reason why James has felt so unsure about everything. He doesn’t entirely know where Regulus stands, although he does have some idea. 

“Okay, I cannot do this one sided conversation. I mean you have to say something.”

“You think we have a future,” James said, eyes scanning Regulus like he can’t believe he’s actually in front of him. Marley was trying to pull James along, keep walking, but James didn’t move, just frozen staring at Regulus. 

“Obviously. You don’t?”

“Of course I do.”

Regulus nodded. “Okay. Good.”

“Good?”

“Do you want to get married?”

James’ gut reaction was to say yes, but he didn’t entirely understand what was being asked. “Are you proposing?” he asked with a tiny grin. 

“I know about the ring.”

The ring? 

Oh. 

The ring. 

James has held onto it. He didn’t send it with the rest of his things just in case Regulus decided to unpack his boxes for him. He didn’t keep it in his pocket in case Regulus was doing the laundry and would find it, or see the outline of it through his jeans. He kept it safe in a little pouch that he carried with him in his wallet at all times. 

Did he find it?

That wouldn’t make sense though. Regulus has no reason to go through James’ wallet, and he knows that Regulus values his own privacy enough to not invade James’ in that way. 

“You know about the ring.”

“Yes.”

“I- how?”

“I overheard you talking to Sirius. On Christmas.”

Oh. 

Oh. 

He’s known since Christmas? That’s almost seven whole months he has kept that to himself. Has he been waiting for James to propose? Does he even want him to?

“Mum gave it to me,” James blurted out. He felt a bit like he was in crisis mode. “It’s an heirloom and a tradition and she thought I was old enough to have it and take care of it, you know? And she like winked at me and did a whole thing about gesturing to- to you. And like it’s your ring. I mean it’s my ring, but it’s for you. And it doesn’t really even need to be an engagement ring or anything, because I am not trying to pressure you into a marriage that I know you don’t want and-”

“Who says I don’t want it?” Regulus interrupted, leaving James standing there with his mouth open. 

“I- I thought you did,” James said. In Chicago, he remembers them having the conversation before they were even together. 

“I mean I did.”

“Right. Okay,” James said, not really following along.

“But do you want to get married?”

“Not if you don’t want to,” James replied. 

“Okay, but pretend I’m not in the equation.”

“But you are in the equation. I mean there’s no marriage without you.”

“So you do want marriage?”

James frowned. “Only if you want it.”

“But by saying that you are proving that you do want to be married.”

“No. I’m saying that I will marry you, if you want me to. But if you don’t-”

“I am asking you what you want, James,” Regulus interrupted. James could see him growing more and more frustrated as the conversation went on. 

“I want you,” James said simply. It was that simple for him. He meant it when he said that he would take Regulus in any capacity. 

“Do you want to marry me?”

James took a deep breath. “I don’t think you’re understanding me.”

Regulus shook his head. “No. You’re not understanding me.”

“I understand you perfectly. You think that what I want and what you want are mutually exclusive.”

“I shouldn’t be affecting your decision.”

“I want what you want. I want whatever is going to make you happy.”

“What would make you happy, though?”

“You already make me happy.”

“Would getting married make you happier?”

“Only if it made you happier.”

***

Regulus actually thought that he was going to go insane. James was honestly such a people pleaser, and obviously Regulus already knew this about him. But he didn’t live just to please Regulus. Sometimes Regulus thought he just needed to shake James to reorient him and get him to understand that. 

He sighed. “Whatever. Let’s just go get food,” Regulus said, continuing their walk to the store. It was a locally owned place close to the house, and Regulus knew that they allowed pets inside. He had seen plenty of dogs and even cats just the few times he had visited.

James took a couple of seconds to even start to follow, probably a bit surprised by Regulus’ sudden switch up.

He just didn’t understand. How was Regulus supposed to figure out what he wanted if James wasn’t giving him anything to go off of? James would get married at the drop of a hat, if Regulus wanted. But did James want? Or would he only do it because Regulus wanted him to? But if Regulus didn’t want to get married, would James feel like he’s settling?

Just… Can’t he just give Regulus a straight answer?

Maybe he shouldn’t have brought up the ring. It’s just… he’s been sitting with it for ages. He knows about it, he knows that James has it. What he doesn’t know is what James planned to do with it. He can’t not know anymore. 

It’s all Pandora’s fault, actually. She was the one who told Regulus to ask him about it straight up. That isn’t Regulus’ style. He had planned to take the knowledge of the ring to his grave, but then James… Well then he showed up. He showed up, and he was honest with Regulus about how it was hard for him, and Regulus remembered the stupid ring.

Regulus was already in his favorite aisle, the one with the popcorn, when he heard James walk in.

The store owner, Elsa, loved James, which Regulus found to be incredibly annoying at this moment.

“Jaime! Visitando otra vez?” she asked him, a grin on her face

James turned his head to meet Regulus’ gaze for a moment, eyes soft. “No estoy visitando. Yo vivo aquí.”

Elsa gasped. “Por fin!”

They continued gossiping, and Elsa gushed over Marley and Padfoot for the duration of their trip. Regulus picked up some things he knew that James especially liked, not even thinking about the things he was tossing into the basket. 

Regulus liked Elsa. She was one of the first people here that Regulus met and didn’t immediately dislike. Her husband passed away a couple of years ago, and while she didn’t need to keep the store open, she did it for him and hired a bunch of local teenagers to work. Regulus even liked some of them a little bit, although most of them just lived for trouble. Every time Regulus would come in alone, they would ask him about James and try to get Regulus to give them any details about their relationship. He pretended to be annoyed, but secretly he liked being asked about James.

Regulus paid for the groceries, even though he saw James trying to do the same thing. Regulus was ignoring him though, which James had to have realized by now.

Regulus already knows that James will just do whatever Regulus wants when it comes to this. But Regulus doesn’t know what he wants. For the longest time he was so sure that he didn’t want to get married. He had seen far too many marriages that lacked any sort of substance; his parents, for example. Even Narcissa didn’t marry for love, she married for money and status and she hated her husband. It used to be simple to say that he didn’t want to get married, because that was before he knew James, and the Potter’s. It was before he found out that his own brother was going to get married to a man he loves. 

If it’s possible for Sirius then that has to mean it’s possible for Regulus.

They started walking back home in silence, and Regulus hated it. He hated it because he knew that James wanted to say something, and instead he was trying to make Regulus comfortable. 

“I think this is probably our most stupid argument to date,” Regulus said, needing to break the silence. James wouldn’t do it himself, and clearly neither of them were done with the conversation. 

“That’s a bold statement to make. We’ve had a lot of dumb arguments.”

“This one is really dumb though.”

“I don’t even understand what we’re arguing about,” James said.

“That’s the problem,” Regulus mumbled.

“You’re being passive aggressive.”

“Would you rather I just be aggressive?”

James stopped, and Regulus wondered how many more half conversations they were going to have stopped on the side of the road. “Yes, actually. I would.”

Regulus narrowed his eyes a little bit. Sometimes it was hard to tell whether James was challenging him because he was in the heat of the moment, or because he actually wanted an argument.

“You need to be more selfish,” Regulus told him, because he wholly believed it. James spent so much of his time thinking about other people, about what they needed, about what he could do to make them happy.

James blinked at Regulus for a moment, apparently not expecting that. “What?”

“Be selfish.”

“Marriage isn’t something I want to be selfish about.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t need it,” James said, trying very hard to stress his point. “Okay? I promise that I will be happy with whatever you decide.”

“But why? Why is it all about me?”

“What?”

“Why is the topic of our possible marriage something that I alone decide?”

“Because I know that marriage and weddings are more complex topics for you than they are for me,” James said. He seemed confused that Regulus didn’t already know this, but he didn’t. He didn’t think that James thought about it that way.

“You- I- What?”

James smiled easily, and Regulus felt a bit like he was trying to catch up now. “Well I have only had positive examples of marriage, you know? Like my parents and my aunts and uncles. So it isn’t something I ever had to question, I guess. But it’s different for you, isn’t it?”

“I… yeah. It is.”

“Regulus, I would marry you in a heartbeat, if that’s what you decided that you wanted. But you do need to make that decision. And if you decide you don’t want it, I will still be committed to you forever.”

Regulus thinks that maybe that’s what he’s been afraid of. Losing James without a contract to keep him there. It’s much easier to leave a boyfriend than it is to leave a husband. Regulus doesn’t want to trap James, and yet he does. He wants to keep him here forever, with Regulus forever. 

“I don’t know what I want,” Regulus said eventually. Marriage sounds terrifying. But marriage with James? That sounded immediately better. 

“You don’t need to know right now. I’m not going anywhere.”

James sounded so sincere that Regulus didn’t have it in him to doubt it anymore. 

***

Sirius turned the shower on to hopefully drown out the noise of him talking. Remus was supposedly in the kitchen cooking, so he probably wouldn’t hear Sirius either way, but he didn’t want to take any chances. 

James was on FaceTime, and he seemed to be very amused by Sirius’ setup.

“Wipe that look off your face, Prongs,” Sirius said, settling onto the floor and leaning against the cabinets. 

“You are literally hiding in the bathroom.”

“I am aware. There’s no need to point it out.”

James smiled. “Just talk to him.”

Sirius snorted. He has been anxiously awaiting the moment that Remus is going to propose to him. The thing is though, there have been so many opportune moments. So many perfectly romantic moments that Sirius was so convinced that it was going to happen then. And then it didn’t. It hasn’t. 

“What exactly am I supposed to say?”

“Hey Lupin I am madly in love with you please just ask me to marry you already?” James suggested. 

“Yeah but then I sound desperate.”

“You are desperate.”

Sirius sighed; James was right. Sirius was a little desperate. He had never learned the art of patience, and he wants to start this part of his life already. He wants to be able to call Remus his husband and have a whole dramatic wedding, he does not want to wait. 

Sirius and Remus moved into their house a little over a month ago, and still nothing. That isn’t to say that Sirius hasn’t loved sharing a home with him, because he does. Sirius has lived with Remus for practically his whole life, and the whole thing fit together very well. They’ve been putting off having any friends over to show them the house because they’ve really just been in domestic bliss. 

“Of course I’m desperate. I- I mean he’s making me dinner right now. He’s cooking. And he won’t tell me what it is, he just said to stay out of the kitchen for an hour.”

“That sounds nice.”

Sirius groaned. “I need to marry him.”

“Need?”

“Desperately.”

“Why don’t you just propose to him?”

Sirius shook his head. He couldn’t do that, not when he has seen the way Remus has fretted about it. While Remus has always been good at keeping things to himself, Sirius has always been able to clock exactly what he’s thinking. 

And Remus has been thinking. Sirius can’t just hijack that because of his own impatience. 

“No, I can’t.”

“Maybe drop some hints?” James suggested. 

Sirius has been doing that though. Everytime he calls James he says that he is going to ‘ring him’. Sirius has just been betting on subliminal messaging for weeks now. “I’ve tried.”

James laughed. “Well maybe then you really do just need to be patient.”

“You’re the worst. Why would you say that?” Sirius pouted. Like, yes he knew that, but no he did not want to wait.

“Because it’s what you need to hear.”

“Yeah, whatever. What’s new with you?”

James’ expression changed, and now Sirius was very curious. He had a whole hour to waste anyway, might as well spend it gossiping. 

“Uh oh.”

“No. No. Everything’s fine,” James insisted, making Sirius grin more.

“You are an awful liar,” Sirius reminded him.

James sighed. “I rearranged the silverware drawer.”

“What?”

“I rearranged the silverware drawer. Okay? It’s supposed to go in order; knives, forks, spoons. Left to right.”

Sirius had no idea what James was talking about, but he just nodded along in support. Sirius had never put a lot of thought into how their silverware was arranged, but apparently James had.

“Everytime I change it though, Regulus changes it back. He switches the forks and spoons. And it’s wrong.”

“You two are fighting about silverware?” Sirius asked. Regulus texted Sirius earlier in the day saying something about being upset with James. But really?

“It’s not even fighting though. Neither of us has even brought it up.”

“So bring it up?”

“Yeah, but why can’t he just leave it how I put it?”

“Because it’s Regulus.”

James hummed in thought. “Speaking of, we need an album title.”

“How is that speaking of?”

“Well it’s not, I guess. It’s just been on my mind.”

“Mary?” Sirius asked with a small sigh. Mary had been texting him too, and he loves her to death, he truly does, but they’re all sort of enjoying their summer hideaways at the moment. They finished recording the album, Regulus was still doing a couple of last minute things to some of the songs, but really all of the hard work was done.

“Has she been on you about it too?” James asked.

“Mhm, and Peter especially. I suppose it’s because he’s the closest to her, but Wormy just wants us to call it The Marauders. Which is boring.”

“Well we don’t have any better ideas.”

“Self-titled is so over-played though. We have to be different.” Sirius really did believe that too. This would be their first album released completely on their own, and it had to be done right. 

“We could name it after one of the tracks, maybe?” James said.

Sirius shook his head. “I don’t think any one of them really encapsulates the album though.”

James said something, but Sirius didn’t quite catch it because Remus was knocking on the door. 

“Sorry Prongs. I have to go,” Sirius whispered, hanging up the phone quickly.

He stood up off the floor and opened the door quickly, not thinking about how odd this was going to look. Sirius, fully dressed and fully dry, with the shower running for at least forty minutes now. He turned it off, but it wasn’t like Remus wouldn’t have heard it.

“Hi,” Sirius said, his head tilting to the side in hopes of distracting Remus.

Remus didn’t say anything for a moment, eyes raking all up and down Sirius, all across his face. He was looking for something, clearly.

“Were you on the phone?”

Sirius smiled. “With James, yeah.”

“In the bathroom?”

“Well where else?” 

Remus raised an eyebrow, clearly looking very amused by the whole thing. “Right.”

“So is dinner ready? It smells delicious.”

It was another long minute of Remus just looking at him. Looking and looking and not telling Sirius what it was that he was looking for.

“You know.”

He said it quietly, a punched out breath. A realization.

Sirius shook his head quickly. “I know nothing. I know nothing about everything.”

Remus smiled. “I should’ve known you would figure it out.”

“Figure what out? I have figured nothing out,” Sirius insisted. There was no point though, Remus had pinned him immediately. 

“We both know you’re too smart to play dumb.”

Sirius sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. This just means I get to surprise you with it.”

“I- what?”

“It’s more fun this way, no?”

“Moony, literally what the hell are you talking about?”

“I get to surprise you with it now.”

Sirius frowned. “I- wasn’t it already a surprise?”

“No. It was a secret. Now it’s a surprise.”

Now Sirius was smiling. He adored surprises, especially when he knew about them in advance. “You can’t make me wait too much longer, Remus. This finger is practically begging for a pretty ring.”

Remus started laughing. 

“No, come on. I’m serious.”

“Aren’t you always Sirius?”

Sirius’ jaw dropped, unable to keep his laughter in. “You did not just make that joke.”

One of Remus’ hands went to cover his face, groaning. “I fucking hate that joke.”

“I know,” Sirius said. Everytime he made that joke, Remus would sigh in anguish. Sirius loved it though, and he especially loved how it could annoy Remus. “You’re becoming me.”

“Kill me now.”

They ate the delicious dinner that Remus made, and for what felt simultaneously like both the billionth night and the first night, they fell asleep in the same bed in their very own house.