balancing act

Regulus stayed with them for three weeks. James knew it wasn’t solely for his benefit, but it felt like it was. Of course, he would have stayed longer had they not canceled the rest of the tour. They finished up their leg in North America and that was that. It didn’t really feel official though. This wasn’t the end for them, in fact it was the beginning. 

They got out of their contract, and the very first thing they did was get Remus out of his PR relationship. Ava was all for it, and she even decided that she would use the ‘break-up’ to announce that she was a lesbian. People were going to be confused because she had just dated a man, but they didn’t know it was fake and they weren’t allowed to confirm or deny whether it was or not.

James tweeted that he wasn’t labeling his sexuality and that he was open to all kinds of love, and he left it at that. People would always want to know, they would always want it confirmed whether James Potter liked men or women, but it wasn’t their business and he didn’t feel the need to tell anybody that he didn’t want to.

After their last show under their management, the one in Canada, they all got black out drunk in a hotel room on the top floor. It was the most fun James has had on the tour, if he’s honest. Nobody had their phones on them, except for Remus because he was playing music and was the most trusted to not seek out anything negative about himself online.

Even Dorcas and Pandora flew back out, much to the joy of Marlene and Lily. 

Sirius made his way over to James, struggling to walk properly and throwing an arm around James when he got close enough. 

“Prongs, I fucking love you,” he said, properly drunk. 

James smiled, leaning further into Sirius. “I love you,” he said loudly. He was blissfully happy. This was the first time he’s had anything to drink since that night Regulus showed up. Which, in all honesty, Regulus has been a very welcome distraction to everything. He lets James get away with far too much. He lets James’ hands wander when they’re making out, lets them slide under his shirt, lets James apply pressure to where they both want it. And that’s it. They haven’t gone any further. Regulus thinks it’s because James doesn’t want them to, and James hasn’t figured out how to tell Regulus that he has dreams of being on his knees for him.

Yeah, it’s all a big tension filled disaster.

“I’m so glad I know you.”

James gave him a big smooch on his cheek. “You’re sappy.”

Sirius shrugged. “I told Remus I love him.”

James’ eyes widened. “You did?” Sirius has been trying to work up to that for weeks, and thank God he finally got there. James wasn’t sure how many times he could hear Sirius freak out about it.

“He loves me,” Sirius said, looking all doe eyed in the direction of Remus. He was with Lily, dancing to a Taylor Swift song that Lily forced him to put on. Remus was a secret fan though, so it all worked out.  

James was still smiling, but he felt like it grew. Of course they loved each other, anybody with eyes could see that, but James was glad they both had that confirmation. 

“Yeah.”

“Do you love him?”

“Moony? Course I do. Although I think it’s different from how you love him.”

Sirius shook his head and began searching for someone. A couple moments later he pointed at Regulus. He was sitting with Marlene sprawled across his lap, talking to Dorcas, Ava, and Mary very animatedly. He looked beautiful, with messy hair and hazy eyes and clearly excited about something. James was also happy to see that Marlene and Mary could be in the same two feet space without glaring at each other. 

“James,” Sirius said, snapping him out of his trance.

“Hmm? What?”

“I asked if you love him.”

Oh. He meant Regulus.

James started laughing, unable to help it. How could he not love Regulus? How could anybody even need to ask when it was so obvious?

“I do.”

Sirius seemed pleased with this answer and mumbled something about going to find Remus.

James stayed there by himself for a while, more than content to watch all of his friends interact. Benjy and Peter were in a dark corner, probably making out; Pandora and Lily were chatting with Alice and Ava, finding a new friendship there; Marlene was fighting to stay awake, and Dorcas was trying to convince her to go to bed; Remus and Sirius had just left, promising that they would be back; Mary and Emmeline were talking quietly amongst themselves, leaning on each other like they were the only people in the world; and Regulus…

James couldn’t find Regulus at first, which is honestly an achievement. James has essentially been watching him the whole night, never wanting to look away. Regulus isn’t a big fan of PDA, so James has been significantly less touchy than he would have wanted to be, but there were plenty of other things going on to distract both of them.

Of course, until now. James’ mind was stuck on finding Regulus, and he probably shouldn’t have been surprised to find him on the balcony, but it was honestly the last place James looked.

Regulus turned around at the sound of the door, and he seemed to get less tense when he saw that it was James.

“Hi ducky,” James said, coming to stand next to him. They were probably twenty-five stories in the air, and looking down made James feel a little bit nauseous.

Regulus rolled his eyes, turning completely and leaning with his back against the railing. “When are you going to retire that nickname?”

James grinned. “Never.”

“Of course not,” Regulus said mostly to himself. “I don’t know why I expected any differently.”

James shifted so he was standing right in front of Regulus, hands on either side of him against the railing. “It suits you,” he said, not really paying attention to the words he was saying. He was too distracted by Regulus. By his mouth most particularly.

“It doesn’t,” Regulus argues, although his eyes were on James’ lips now too. Neither of them really knew what was going on at the moment.

James tried to say something to keep the conversation going, but his drunk brain was stuck on Regulus and Regulus alone, and neither of them protested when James leaned in to close the distance, his hands moving from the rail to hold Regulus’ face.

He was so precious. His cheeks were flushed from the wind, and it was probably too cold for either of them to justify being out there, but James’ mind was just on a loop of Regulus, Regulus, Regulus.

Until Regulus pulled away when James tried to take things a little bit further. His hands had just started sliding under Regulus’ shirt when he stopped him.

“You’re drunk,” Regulus said.

“So are you.”

“Not as drunk as you.”

“You don’t know that.” Regulus gave him a look, but it honestly just made James smile. “Okay, fine. Maybe I’m just a little tiny bit drunk.”

Regulus leaned further back somehow, crossing his arms while James was still crowding him further into the railing. “Mhm, just a little bit,” Regulus said, fully just humoring him.

“You’re cute,” James said because he was just very suddenly filled with the urge to say it.

Regulus rolled his eyes, like he always did whenever James said something like that. But even that was cute to James, so it never really had the desired effect.

“Hush.”

“I want to have sex with you,” James said next, and if he had been sober he probably would have brought it up more subtly, but he was not sober. “I mean… Only if you want that too.”

Regulus didn’t say anything, perhaps too caught off guard. He was just staring at James, eyes wider than they normally would have been.

James knows that not everything is about sex, especially not between them. Regulus has made it very clear that he is not going to pressure James into anything, and James appreciates that. But… Well all of these feelings of wanting are new to James, and he wants to explore them. With Regulus. He wants to explore them with Regulus.

“James-”

“Okay, I know we’re drunk. I know that. But this is all I have been able to think about, sober and not.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?” James asked, needing a little bit more to go on.

Regulus shifts, which causes James to shift and he accidentally ends up with one of his legs in between Regulus’, which causes both of them to freeze. Regulus doesn’t move, so James doesn’t move. He really, really wants to though.

“Reg?”

Regulus is pointedly not looking at James, and his hands are balled into fists against his legs at the moment. He’s restraining himself, and James doesn’t want him to.

“There are some things I need to tell you,” Regulus said eventually, his voice lighter than a breath of air, like he’s really struggling.

“I’m listening,” James said. He was always listening to whatever Regulus had to say.

He shook his head. “It won’t come out right. Not while I’m drunk.”

James, slowly and carefully, moved back a little bit, taking away that pressure from both of them. Regulus whined a little- a sound James will never get sick of- and tried to draw James back in. But there is clearly something that Regulus thinks he needs to talk about before they do this, and even if James has had a couple too many drinks, his mind still works enough to understand that.

“What- What are you doing?”

James grinned. “We’re going to go get some water. And food.”

“I’m not hungry,” Regulus said quickly.

James only had to wait a couple of seconds before Regulus sighed and was following him back inside.

Most everyone had left, except for Dorcas and Marlene because this was technically Dorcas’ suite. They looked surprised when they saw James and Regulsu emerge from the balcony.

“Hey,” Dorcas said, looking between the two of them and then sharing a look with Marlene. The two of them seemed to have a secret language, and James once tried to understand it, and failed.

Regulus cleared his throat. “We’re just… going to bed,” he said, starting to drag James to the door.

James was slow to follow, too busy trying to decipher what Dorcas meant when she raised her eyebrow at Regulus.

“Goodnight!” James said happily, waving at them and not at all in the same hurry that Regulus was.

“James,” Regulus said, tugging at his arm harder until James let Regulus guide him wherever he wanted.

“I love them,” James said, waiting while Regulus tried to find the key in his pockets. Eventually he had to start searching James’ pockets, which he surely wasn’t going to complain about.

“Mhm,” Regulus said, half-heartedly agreeing.

“I think Dorcas likes me now,” James told Regulus.

“That’s lovely.”

“You’re lovely.”

Regulus sort of froze again, locating the key in James’ front pocket and looking up to see James staring down at him. Regulus really was so lovely. James is so lucky he gets to exist around him. Honestly, James would be happy if his only mission in life was to look and appreciate Regulus.

“We are not having sex tonight,” Regulus said, straightening up and putting the key card against the lock, waiting for it to turn green.

James nodded. “Okay.”

“I- You are so unfair,” Regulus said, opening the door and stumbling in a little bit, having forgotten he was leaning against it.

“Am I?”

James let the door close, but he didn’t finish walking all the way into the room.

“You are. What do you want to eat?”

“How am I unfair?”

Regulus sighed, picking up the menu and handing it to James. “Find something to eat.”

James raised an eyebrow, looking Regulus up and down.

“Oh my God. Shut up.”

James laughed. “I didn’t even say anything.”

Regulus shook his head, mumbling something under his breath before walking into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door. James was still laughing to himself as he flipped open the menu, trying to find something for both of them.

***

Regulus thought he deserved an award for turning down James. Really and truly it was one of the most difficult things he’s ever had to do. But it wouldn’t be fair, because Regulus hasn’t been very honest with James. He hasn’t been lying or anything, he just… Well James has been in a rough spot for the past couple of weeks. He seems to be able to manage being outed though, and he’s taking the tour ending really well. So there isn’t much of a reason for Regulus to not talk to James about the things that have been on his mind.

Of course, they had to sober up a little though, because Regulus could barely think straight, and James wasn’t helping that very much. He was actually just distracting Regulus more, and he wasn’t even meaning to do it.

“Coffee?” James asked, messing with the coffee machine that the room came with.

Regulus shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

They were both relatively sober by now. Neither of them should operate a car or anything, but they could have a coherent conversation at the very least.

James sat down next to him, the two of them silently sipping their coffees for a couple of minutes before James apparently got tired of the silence.

“So, did you have something you wanted to tell me?” 

Regulus shrugged. “Yeah, sorta.”

Regulus knew he had James’ undivided attention, and maybe that was what made it hard for Regulus to even think about what he needed to say. He’s hidden a lot of things from James recently, and he wanted to start from the beginning. 

He took a deep breath, keeping his hands occupied with the flimsy cardboard coffee cup. “I had Sirius accept the house and we kicked Walburga out,” Regulus said, deciding it was probably easiest to just drop it all like that.

Odds were, Sirius already told him. But James would always act like it was the first time he heard the news.

“Why?” James asked.

Regulus turned his head. “What do you mean why?”

“Why did you kick her out?”

Regulus lasted another couple of seconds with eye contact before he turned his head away again. “I want to be able to hate her, like Sirius does I guess.”

“You aren’t Sirius.”

Most of the time, when people were saying that to Regulus it was a good thing. Sirius was the disappointment, the disowned, rebellious son. Not being like Sirius was something that he was supposed to be proud of. Now though? He wants to be like Sirius.

“I should hate them for what they did to him alone.”

“That isn’t how it works.”

Regulus sighed. “I do hate them for what they did to him though. I do.”

“You don’t have to prove anything to me,” James said. “I- What is it you’re always saying to me? You’re allowed to feel how you feel?”

Regulus felt himself smile. “So you do listen to me,” he teased.

James shrugged, shoving his shoulder a little. “Occasionally.”

“Mm, well, do it more often.”

James, because he was good at talking, brought them back on track. “So, you forced Walburga out of the house because…”

“I don’t know. To show that I could, I guess. I don’t want her to be controlling my life anymore.”

“And this feels like the first step?”

Regulus shrugged. “Just that she didn’t have any control over it I don’t know. It feels right.”

“I’m proud of you.”

Regulus didn’t respond, mostly because he couldn’t. He didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t even done anything really, nothing that should make James feel proud of him anyway. So, he changed the subject.

“Also, I moved to Spain.”

James tilted his head to the side, giving Regulus a funny look. His lips were upturned in a half smile, and he kept opening his mouth like he wanted to say something.

“Spain?”

“We have a villa there. Or… Well I do. I got it in the will.”

James grinned. “I’ve always wanted to go to Spain.”

“You have?”

“Yeah. It’s where my dad’s family is from. I visited a couple times when I was younger, but after his parents died there wasn’t much reason to keep going, I guess.”

Regulus looked at James like he was a new person, and honestly that’s what it felt like sometimes. With each new thing he learned about James, the further he got to understanding who he was. “I didn’t know that,” Regulus said eventually.

James seemed to be a bit embarrassed about this, or maybe it was just from the way Regulus was looking at him. Regulus could almost feel the weight of his own gaze. He was looking at James like a man in love, and that’s because he was. 

Regulus always thought that falling in love was supposed to be scary. He thought it was going to be this gut wrenching feeling where you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop. He saw it as something to dread happening to him, not something like this. 

It happened so naturally. Since the moment they met, Regulus could just feel that this was the path they were going down. Even when he ‘hated’ James, it wasn’t real. It was fear, maybe, for what his heart seemed to anticipate. James was inevitable, and now Regulus was more than happy to fall. He was ready for it, even if he didn’t know what was supposed to come next.

“What’s this gonna be like?” James asked. He was absentmindedly drawing circles up and down Regulus’ arm, clearly not aware of just how distracting it was.

“Hmm?”

“When we go back home. What are…”

Regulus felt himself smile. “You were gonna ask ‘what are we’,” Regulus teased.

“I was not.”

“You definitely were.”

“I wasn’t.”

“You were and it’s cute.”

“Oh, well in that case,” James said, giving up his argument completely. “No, but really.”

“Really?” Regulus asked. He was stalling, he knew exactly what James was asking and he just didn’t know how he was supposed to respond.

“What are we?”

“What do you want us to be?”

“Reg- I… You can’t turn this one around on me. Okay? We both know what I want. I want to know what you want.”

Regulus isn’t entirely used to getting what he wants, not in this respect anyway. He hasn’t really thought about it. Part of him has been waiting for James to get bored and move on, but it’s been over a month of this. Over a month of them stuck in this limbo where they both know what they’re doing but won’t say it out loud. They’re exclusive and they never even spoke about it.

“I don’t know. I just want you.”

“You can want more. I will give you anything.”

Regulus doesn’t know if it’s better or worse to know that James really does mean that.

“Do I really have to say it?” Regulus asked. He isn’t so sure he can get the words out.

“I would like you to.”

And well… That’s really not fair because Regulus would do anything that James asked of him.

“You’re my boyfriend,” Regulus said, deciding then and there. Telling James was easier than asking him, so he just made the decision for both of them.

James didn’t seem to care that Regulus was essentially not giving him a choice, because he was practically glowing. “I am?”

“Obviously, idiot.”

James sat up a bit, grabbed Regulus by the face, and attempted to kiss him. It was hard to manage with the way James was smiling, and the way Regulus eventually found himself smiling too. James made him soft, and Regulus found that he didn’t even care one bit. 

“This is the best day of my life,” James said, because he was corny and cliche like that. 

“You’re so dramatic,” Regulus said. He was smiling too much for it to have any real sting though, and even James laughed.

This time, when they kissed, they were able to accomplish a lot more, and neither of them called for it to stop when things heated up like they tended to with them.

———

“What do you mean now?” Barty asked when Regulus told him about James being his boyfriend. He looked up from his nails that he was painting a bunch of different colors.

“I mean he’s my boyfriend now.”

“Hasn’t he been your boyfriend for like a month now?”

Regulus looked at him, mirroring his expression of confusion. “Umm no?”

Barty blinked at him, not saying anything for a long moment. “What?”

“What?”

“Reg, everyone already thought you guys were together.”

“Why?” Neither of them ever told anybody they were together, and Regulus knows that people like to assume things, but this feels different.

“I don’t think I’ve met a couple that’s more nauseating in love.”

“We’re not…” Regulus didn’t finish that thought, because it would have been a lie. At least on his end. He was hopelessly in love with James.

Barty raised an eyebrow, waiting for Regulus to finish his thought.

“I hate you,” Regulus told him.

Barty blew air onto his nails, trying to get them to dry quicker. “No you don’t.”

“I do.”

“Right. Still want me to paint your nails?”

Regulus looked between him and the tube of nail polish. “Yeah.”

Barty, because he was a menace, always brought up things at the worst time. “Did you sleep with him yet?” he asked, painting the first coat of dark blue.

Regulus coughed, feeling himself blush a little bit when he remembered last night. He has been trying not to think about it, it feels like not the best thing to be thinking about while he’s with friends. But…

Barty practically bolted up, eyebrows high. “Oh you’re joking. And you didn’t lead with that?”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “You’re a perv.”

“Mm, no. No. I’ve just been stuck witnessing all of this sexual tension for the past couple of months, and you can’t even be bothered to update me.”

Barty always gets a bit like this when he finds out that he didn’t have all the information. He just loves gossip, and maybe Regulus has been a bit…. insane about James. Just a little bit.

“It happened twelve hours ago, I would have updated you eventually.”

Barty grinned, completely forgetting about the task- painting Regulus’ nails- and deciding that gossiping was a much better use of their time. “Was it good?”

Regulus tried to fight it, the urge to talk about it, but he couldn’t help it. James was…. just…

“Ooh, it was. I can tell. You have that post-sex glow.”

“Barty,” Regulus said, fully prepared to gush about James for the next couple of hours if necessary. Plus, Barty never shied away from details about his sex life, so why should Regulus?

Barty hummed, motioning for Regulus to keep talking. And he did. Regulus probably said the words ‘his mouth’ about thirsty times. There wasn’t enough prayer that Regulus could do to even properly do it justice. Because James Potter’s mouth? Sinful. 

Barty continued painting Regulus’ nails through all of this, finally remembering that was what he intended to do all along.

And they gossiped, all the way up until Sirius loudly barged into the room. That caused both of them to freeze. The last thing Regulus wanted was for his brother to know all about his sex life.

“What did you do?” Sirius asked.

Regulus waited, unsure which thing he was referring to. He didn’t want to tell on himself if he didn’t have to. Barty stayed silent too, which was wise on his part.

“Hmm?”

“Why is my best friend acting like a freak?”

“I don’t see how that would have anything to do with me.”

Sirius sighed, sitting down next to Regulus and holding his hand out for Barty. Without even a word, Barty started painting his nails too. “Yeah, he essentially already told me what he refuses to tell me.”

“What?” Regulus said, not following along at all.

“He’s giddy and won’t tell me why, which means he got laid.”

Barty snorted, looked up and saw the glare Regulus gave him, and promptly looked back down, smiling to himself. 

“But that’s not why I’m here.”

“Why are you here then?”

Sirius smiled. “To talk to my old pal, Bartemius Crouch Jr.”

Barty looked up again and shot Regulus a smug look. “To little old me?”

“To him?” Regulus asked at the same time.

Sirius waved Regulus off. “This is a matter of men who are in love.”

“I’m in-”

Regulus cut himself off but it was too late. Sirius turned his head to look at Regulus, a grin already on his face.

“What?”

‘No. Nothing.”

Sirius would go blabbing to James, most likely, and that just couldn’t happen. If Regulus was going to tell James that he loved him, he was going to do it on his own. And that wouldn’t be for a very long time. They just started dating, really. It was far too soon for those kinds of talks anyway.

“Oh my God. You’re in love.”

“Sirius, shut up.”

“You’re in love with my best friend.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You did, essentially. Unless you’re in love with someone else.”

Regulus could feel his face heating up. “Drop it, please.”

“This is fantastic!”

“It isn’t.”

“It is. But I do still need Barty’s help.”

Barty, who had been watching their conversation with a lot of amusement, looked excited. “How can I help?”

“What happened after you told Evan you loved him?”

“Oh, I won’t be much help.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because, it wasn’t a thing. We already knew we loved each other, so there wasn’t a grand confession or anything.”

“You told Remus?” Regulus asked, normally able to curb his questions about Sirius’ love life. But he just really never thought that he would do it. Even when they were younger and still living in that house,  Sirius talked about Remus like a man in love. It was nauseating, and still is, but he’s just glad it’s finally done.

“Yeah. Last night, while we were both super fucking drunk, and now I don’t even know if he remembers, because he’s acting normal. But that’s weird, right?”

“Mm, depends. This morning did he roll over in bed and kiss your nose and tell you he loves you?” Regulus and Sirius looked at each other, both entirely confused at how specific Barty’s question was.”Or something like that, anyway?”

Sirius shook his head. “No, nothing like that.”

“Did he say it back last night?”

“Yes! And that’s why I’m so confused. Like maybe he regrets saying it? Or he doesn’t feel the same.”

“It’s Remus,” Regulus said, because really that was enough explanation.

“I know.”

“So obviously he meant it.”

“I’m telling you. He’s acting weird.”

Barty shrugged. “Maybe he’s planning on proposing.”

Sirius’ eyebrows shot up, clearly very alarmed at that possibility. “Oh absolutely fucking not,” Sirius mumbled, getting up and starting to storm off.

“Sirius,” Regulus said, getting him to turn around.

“Hmm?”

“Don‘t tell James.”

“Tell James wh- Oh. Oh. That? No, I wouldn’t. Happy for you guys though. Have to go yell at Remus.”

***

Remus was just trying to find something to eat for a late lunch, starving and hungover from the night before, when Sirius, after struggling with the key for over a minute, walked into the room, clearly worked up about something.

He had disappeared into the bathroom for thirty minutes after they woke up, and then had just disappeared from the room completely after that. Remus was with Peter for a little while, helping tend to his even worse hangover while Benjy had gone to get food with Alice. Everyone was mostly in recovery from their night, so everytime Remus saw anyone he just waved and tried not to laugh at how dead they all looked.

Remus himself wasn’t much better, but he could at least stand to be awake and walk around. Peter could hardly get out of bed, so Remus doesn’t blame Benjy for getting out of there as quickly as they could.

But now Peter was fine and Benjy was back and Remus was hungry. And now Sirius was back but he didn’t look like he wanted to enjoy a nice meal with him.

“Hey,” Remus said, looking up from the room service menu and regarding Sirius carefully.

“We are not getting engaged,” he said, his tone final.

Remus didn’t know what to do or say. He didn’t even know getting engaged was on the table. “Okay,” he said, blindly agreeing.

“And you’re not allowed to propose to me when we do.”

Remus smiled. “When?” he teased. Of course he thought about his future with Sirius, and of course he thought about getting married. Just, well not right now. Not yet.

“Or… No well. I mean if you don’t want to then-”

“Sirius,” Remus interrupted, knowing he would talk himself in circles. He held his hand out and Sirius stepped closer, standing in between Remus’ legs and looking down at him. He was so pretty. Sirius was a lot of things, good and bad, but nobody could deny just how beautiful he was. Remus tended to lose his train of thought when Sirius looked him in the eye, too distracted by him and simply his existence. Remus knows he’s lucky. He’s lucky that his boyfriend is pretty, and intelligent, and so good at reading social situations, and has a beautiful voice, and plays a billion instruments. He’s lucky that Sirius chose him. He’s lucky that they chose each other, and finally made their way to this point.

“What’s going on?” Remus said, finally getting his train of thought back.

Sirius sighed. “You’re acting normal.”

Remus frowned for a moment. “As opposed to…”

“Do you remember last night?”

And now Remus froze. Because he does remember last night, he just didn’t think that Sirius did. He didn’t say anything this morning, and so Remus just followed his lead.

“You do and you take it back,” Sirius said, stepping back.

Remus didn’t let him get very far, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back in. He was standing now though, towering over Sirius and tilting his chin up. 

“I’m offended,” Remus said softly. 

“I- what? Why?”

“Offended that you would ever think there was a universe where I am not madly in love with you,” Remus told him honestly. Loving Sirius felt like breathing, or no. No it wasn’t quite that easy, but love isn’t supposed to be easy. They’re supposed to argue, and fight, and laugh, and love. All they need is love, and that’s they have that and more.

Sirius blushed, it was always so easy to make him blush. “Oh. Right. Well I just thought-”

“I know what you thought. I thought the same thing.”

Sirius looked up. “What?”

“Well you didn't say anything-”

“Neither did you!”

Remus smiled. “Sure, sure. But I recognized my mistake and have said my part now,” Remus said, so obviously baiting him. Sue him for wanting to hear Sirius say the words sober.

Sirius didn’t get it at first, looking at Remus in confusion. And then it clicked, and Sirius took a big step back, looking at Remus with wide eyes. “What? Oh, of course I do idiot.”

“You what?” Remus teased.

“Remus, I am so in love with you I can’t even see straight. I have been since we were eleven and you called me posh on the train to school.”

Remus smiled. “Since then?”

“What can I say? I love when you’re mean to me.”

“I wasn’t being mean. I was being honest,” Remus defended.

Sirius wasn’t listening though, he was just looking at Remus like he was the only person in the world. “I love you.”

Remus didn’t think he could ever get tired of hearing that. “Say it again.”

And again, and again, and again. Never stop saying it, never stop meaning it.

I love you.

I love you and I’ll never stop saying it and I’ll never stop meaning it.

***

“Can I hear it?” Peter asked, trying to get Benjy’s attention. It took a couple of tries because they had their headphones in and were working on music, but they did eventually see Peter waving his hands.

They took their headphones off immediately and smiled. “Sorry, what?”

“I asked if I could hear it,” Peter said from the bed. He was essentially on bed rest, but he was finally starting to feel better. He could finally sit up without all the blood rushing to his head.

Benjy, who was normally very closed off about their music making process, sat up and brought the laptop over to the bed, settling in next to Peter and sitting criss-cross applesauce.

“Wait, really?” Peter asked, sitting up completely now.

Benjy was blushing, which was kind of rare for them. Normally, as big of a game as Peter talked, he was always the one left blushing. He kind of liked this change in dynamic though. There was something slightly satisfying about seeing Benjy flustered.

“I… umm. Yeah. This one’s sort of for you anyway.”

Peter is pretty sure he glitched in real life, because he genuinely did not know what to do or say. He looked from the computer to Benjy multiple times, just blinking and trying to figure out whether or not he heard them correctly.

“For me?”

“Are you gonna freak about this?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

Benjy rolled their eyes and set the headphones over Peter’s ears. Peter has secretly been waiting for Benjy to write him a song for… well for months, honestly. Peter has written his fair share about them, although he hasn’t exactly shared that bit of information.

“Okay, so this is a very rough version-”

Peter shut them up with a kiss, not wanting to hear the excuses on how they thought the song wasn’t good enough. It could literally end up being dead air, and Peter would love it. “Just press play,” Peter whispered when he pulled away.

Benjy was blushing even more now, and he tried to hide it with his hand, pressing play.

Peter heard the beginning sounds of a soft guitar, and he realized that this was a ballad, essentially. Oh Peter was absolutely not going to survive this.

Sun in my eyes, navy-blue skies

You are the reason I can survive

We’ll turn off the phones to just be alone

We’ll draw the curtains and never leave home

I had a nightmare

But now that I’m not scared

This is how you fall in love

Let go and I’ll hold you up

So pull me tight and close your eyes

Oh, my love, side to side

“What’s easy is right,” my mother’s advice

You are the reason I never think twice

Wherever we go, what glitters is gold

You’ll be my best friend until we grow old

I had a nightmare

But now that I’m not scared

This is how you fall in love

Peter did not move, he was scared to. Because… Okay. So the thing is that they haven’t exactly told each other they love each other yet. But… Well is that what this song was? Was Benjy telling him…

“Peter?”

He looked over to see Benjy just waiting. Waiting so pretty. God, they were so… Peter loved them, obviously. That wasn’t the question. The question was whether Benjy meant for this to be a confession. Peter hoped it was a confession, but he was scared.

“I-” Peter couldn’t say anything.

“Did you like the song?” they asked, looking defeated. Peter couldn’t have that, he couldn’t have them thinking that they weren’t loved

“I love you,” he blurted out, eyes wide even as he said it. It was scary, but it was also just so so obvious. Everything Peter does for Benjy is out of love, it always has been.

“I know,” Benjy said, and then put a hand over his face and groaned, trying to bury himself into the bed, because that was clearly not what they meant to say.

Peter smiled though and pulled Benjy’s hands away. “You know?”

“That’s not what I meant to say. I just… well I hoped, and assumed, maybe.”

They were both grinning now, neither of them could really help it. “Mm, good intuition, Fenwick.”

“I love you too, by the way,” Benjy said.

“I gathered.”

“Did you?”

“Mhm. I love the song too, if you were wondering.”

“It’s yours.”

“I’m yours.”

Benjy punched out a breath, just staring at Peter. “You’re mine,” they whispered, pulling Peter in for a kiss. Peter went willingly and easily.

***

“Are you sure about this?” Alice asked. She didn’t want for them to go through with it unless they were both positive that this was a good idea. Or… Well they knew it wasn’t a good idea, but still. 

Ava was smiling easy about it, not even looking the slightest bit nervous. Alice was still in awe of her, of how okay she seemed with everything. Ava has been through a lot, especially just these past couple of years. She’s had to suppress who she really is just so she could get roles in movies, she hasn’t had any sort of support system, and she’s been doing it all on her own.

Not this. Alice won’t let her do this alone. 

Technically, Remus was supposed to be here with Ava. But he didn’t argue when Ava told hol all about her plan, and now Alice was here supporting her girlfriend, about to step on a red carpet as a publicly lesbian couple. She was nervous, but she was also so excited. It was about time they got to do this.

“I’m sure. Are you?” Ava asked. They were still sitting in the car, waiting for their cue. Nobody could see inside, but eyes would be drawn to Ava the moment they stepped out of the vehicle. SHe was the lead of this movie, which meant there was going to be lots of people watching them.

They were both wearing a suit. Ava was wearing a red suit jacket as a dress and a lacy top underneath. Her heels made her taller than Alice, and her hair was in a sleek straight hairstyle going down her back. There wasn’t a single hair out of place, and she looked… She looked empowering.

Alice was also wearing a suit, but she had gone a different route. She was wearing all black, letting Ava have the spotlight and being more than okay with just being eye candy. She was wearing slacks and a black suit jacket that she left unbuttoned, not wearing anything underneath and trusting that the stylist was right when she said everything would stay in place.

Alice avoided the spotlight, generally. And red carpets especially. She hated having every angle of her photographed, and everybody would dissect every inch of it. Especially being trans, somebody was always looking for more ‘proof’ even though she is publicly out about it. it’s frustrating, always having to prove that she’s a woman. That’s why wearing this suit is such a big thing for her, because it’s considered masculine, but Alice thinks she’s never looked more like a woman. 

“I am,” Alice said eventually. People were going to have questions, and they were going to answer them. They both agreed to let Ava take point in most of the interviews because there were some things that she just couldn’t say yet, and Alice didn’t quite understand all of the conditions.

And so, just like that, they stepped out of the car hand in hand, and walked inside, cameras already on them.

While Ava was confident, and while she always appeared like she knew what she was doing, she was also squeezing Alice’s hand so hard that she worried it would cut off blood flow. She didn’t say anything about it though, just letting it happen.

“I’m so fucking scared,” Ava whispered before walking up to their first interview.

“I’ve got you, baby,” Alice told her, squeezing her hand back

The first interview didn’t even ask about Alice until the end. “And is this one of your friends?” she asked, clearly not meaning anything by it. It was just so annoying though, and Alice could see how it got under Ava’s skin. Two women holding hands was automatically seen as a friendship, and it was because nobody seemed to want to take lesbian relationships seriously.

But Ava kept her composure because that’s what she was trained to do. “This is my girlfriend, Alice,” she said.

The interviewer didn’t seem to understand at first, and Alice doesn’t know how Ava was able to stay so sane, because Alice just wanted to grab her and kiss her and prove to everyone that they were dating, for fucks sake.

“As in…”

“My partner, my significant other, etc. She’s my girlfriend,” Ava supplied.

Alice grinned, loving to hear those words come out of Ava’s mouth.

“Oh, I see. Sorry, umm we just thought you were dating Remus Lupin?”

Ava gave the interviewer a sympathetic look. “Well, I’m not. Clearly.”

“Right, uhh. Right. Sorry. Well, congratulations to you both,” she said with a nod, essentially letting them know that they were free to go.

Ava led Alice away. LIke far away, skipping past all of the interviewers and dragging her into the single bathroom.

Alice locked the door behind them while Ava paced a little bit back and forth.

“Are you okay?” Alice asked, barely getting the words out before Ava was pushing her against the door and kissing her like her lips were fruit and she was starved.

God, it felt good.

Alice pulled her closer, closer, and closer until there wasn’t a part of their bodies that wasn’t touching. Until Ava’s hand was fisted in Alice’s hair and Alice was trying to take care not to ruin Ava. Ruin her, her makeup, her hair. Her.

They were hurtling somewhere with no destination, but they were in it together now. They had each other.

***

Every couple argues. Dorcas knows this. But there is nobody who quite pushes her buttons in the way Marlene McKinnon does. She’s so stubborn, genuinely nobody is quite as obstinate as she is. And it’s so fucking frustrating, and Dorcas loves her for it regardless of it making her want to rip her hair out.

“What are you talking about?” Dorcas asked for the millionth time. 

“I need to go to Spain. Alice is out there making literal lesbian history right now. And Benjy wrote Peter this fucking song about how much they love him. And Emmeline is doing something with Mary. And what am I doing?” she said, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. “It’s like I’m stuck. I’m stuck and I can’t get unstuck.”

Dorcas did not understand. She was trying to understand, but she didn’t see how any of this related to anything.

“What does this have to do with Spain?”

Marlene groaned. “I have to go to Spain.”

Dorcas blinked. “What do you mean you have to go to Spain?” she asked, suddenly very worried about the direction this conversation was going to go.

“I- I need to do something, Dorcas. I can’t go back home, I don’t have anything waiting for me there.”

“I’m going to be there,” Dorcas said, thinking that they were stronger than this. 

“Lionshead is going on a hiatus, Dorcas. I… Do you get it?”

“No. I don’t get it. I mean haven’t we spent enough time apart.”

“Yes! Okay? We have, and I know that we have. And I love you and I don’t want to be away from you, but I need to go to Spain.”

Dorcas froze, and then Marlene froze. Oh, shit. Shit. Okay. Dorcas was supposed to say something back, right? That’s what she was supposed to do? She just…. what was she supposed to say?

I love you.

Except she couldn’t say that. She couldn’t say that even though it was true because she’s never said those words to anybody before, not with them meaning something like this, something so real.

Marlene deflated, lowering to her knees in front of where Dorcas was sitting on the bed, holding her hands, her expression already softer. “I love you,” she said, intentionally this time. Somehow it was scarier, knowing that she meant it, that this time she said it because she wanted Dorcas to know.

And she was here, on her knees in front of Dorcas and offering this up for her to take, to do whatever she wanted with.

“I love you, and I know you don’t want me to. But I do, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Dorcas’ mouth felt dry, and Marlene was holding her hands and not even asking for Dorcas to say it back. She wasn’t expecting anything because she just knew. She knew and being known by someone like Marlene was so scary, so lovely.

Dorcas couldn’t say it back yet, but they both knew it was true. It was evident in the way Dorcas would drop everything to come see a show, in the way she would answer the phone no matter what time of day she was calling, in the way she supported her no matter what.

“You’re going to Spain,” Dorcas said, because if Marlene said it was what she needed, then Dorcas trusted her. They would be fine, and they could visit each other. Dorcas had to stay in London for work, but she had flexibility to travel. They could make it work.

Marlene smiled like Dorcas had told her she loved her, and in a way, she had. This was how Dorcas showed her love, in her understanding. She loved Marlene, and she didn’t know how to say it yet, but she didn’t really need to.

“I’m gonna be making music with Regulus,” she explained, having kept that part to herself earlier. She probably hadn’t meant to, or maybe she thought that Dorcas already knew.

“In Spain?”

“Yeah, he moved to Spain.”

“He moved to Spain?” 

Marlene seemed to realize that this was not exactly public information. “Let’s move on,” she said, knowing that Dorcas would probably get stuck on this.

“Yes, let’s,” she said, pulling Marlene in for a kiss.

***

Mary knew that she had a tendency to be a little bit insane at times. Her mind would just get so stuck on one thing, and she wouldn’t know what to do with herself until she did whatever her brain wanted her to. The issue currently was that her brain didn’t even know what it wanted.

She quit Snape records, she was working independently as a manager for the Marauders, and she was just itching to do something.

The only person who could bring her back to Earth when she was like this was Emmeline. Emmeline with her beautiful long, dark hair, and her makeup always done to perfection, and her eyebrows always plucked. And she wa just perfect, and Mary was so fucking lucky. She was so lucky and Emmeline was walking over to her.

“Mary?” she said, tilting her head to the side in confusion.

Mary was confused too though, because she completely forgot what it was her mind was stuck on. Emmeline had that effect, making Mary forget whatever it was that she was thinking. 

“I love you,” Mary told her easily, because they’ve been telling each other for months now. It was easy to love Emmeline.

She smiled, scanning Mary’s face like she was still trying to figure out what was wrong. Mary didn’t even know anymore, nothing could ever be wrong when Emmeline was here.

“Are you okay?”

Mary shrugged. “I… I’m scared,” she said, remembering now that Emmeline wasn’t going to humor her at this moment. “I don’t know what I’m doing. And Sirius and James are looking at me to be in charge of this whole thing, and that’s literally my job. I don’t know how to do my job, and I’ve never not known how to do my job.”

Emmeline brought her in for a hug without another word, letting Mary exist in this space that they’ve created together. This space where they can be themselves and not have to worry about anything. 

“Baby, I don’t know anybody who’s better at their job than you are,” Emmeline told her.

Mary let out a small laugh. “You have to say that.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Still.”

Emmeline pulled back, holding Mary by her shoulders like she was scared that she was going to run away. “Still, you’re brilliant. This is new for everyone, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Things like this always have some trial and error, and that’s okay. It’s okay to not get it right the first time.”

Mary always had trouble with that, with letting herself fail. She’s so used to beating herself up for getting things wrong, something that stems from her childhood, always needing to be top of her class, always needing to be the best player on the sports team, etc. 

Emmeline has been helping her learn that it’s okay to be wrong. 

“And I love you too,” she added, never having responded before when Mary said it.

They stood there in the middle of the sidewalk, staring at each other like they were two teenagers in love. It was more than that though. Mary could tell that this was forever, not just for now. Emmeline was her happily ever after, and she couldn’t have asked for a better one.