Carnival
Regulus was already blushing and all James did was show up at his door. James was probably blushing too, he could already feel his face heating up from the sight of Regulus alone.
He had gone shopping too, or at least James assumed so because he had never seen the clothes that Regulus was wearing before.
He was wearing a brown vest with a white t-shirt underneath it, and then some regular dark blue denim jeans. He looked gorgeous, as always. James was having a hard time getting any actual words out though, and he just kept opening and closing his mouth like a fish.
“What?” Regulus asked, his tone a bit clipped. It made James smile even wider because it just further proved that he was nervous too.
“You’re beautiful,” James said, unable to stop himself. He looked at Regulus like there were stars in his eyes, and it reminded James that Regulus was a star of his own right. How lucky he was to get to bask in him.
Regulus became visibly flustered, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “Oh, I- Oh.”
James tilted his head to the side a little. “Oh?”
Regulus looked all around for a moment before settling back on James. Regulus let out a small breath. “Nothing, James. You’re just ridiculous.”
“And you’re beautiful,” James told him happily. He truly could not believe he’s never told Regulus that before. He has thought it for a very long time, so he really doesn’t get how he has never said it.
Regulus clapped his hands together and stepped further out of the doorway. He let the door shut slowly before he said anything. James noted that in those couple of seconds all Regulus was doing was looking at him.
James was truly excited for this. He had those stomach butterflies from nerves, and he couldn’t seem to stop smiling. They’ve hung out one on one before, but never with the added intention of a date. James would like for the coffee shop to count, but he thinks that this will be a better first date story anyway.
The door shut with a soft click and Regulus let out a small breath. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“I like your outfit,” Regulus said, and James got the implication that this was Regulus trying to start over by greeting him and complimenting him first.
James smoothed down his shirt. He was wearing brown cargo pants, a white beatles shirt that fit him a bit tightly, and his favorite denim jacket.
“Thank you, Regulus,” Jame said with a nod, a part of him absolutely ecstatic that Regulus liked his outfit. “That’s how you properly accept a compliment, by the way.”
Regulus smiled. “Thank you for the lesson, Potter. Truly riveting, as always.”
James laughed and then held his hand out for Regulus to take. “Ready?”
Regulus stared at the hand, and James would have given a whole lot to know what he was thinking. “You’re James Potter,” Regulus said, almost sounding a bit sad about it.
James dropped his hand. “Have been my whole life,” he said, trying to mask his confusion and failing.
Regulus snapped his gaze back up. “Oh, no. No, umm. Sorry. I just meant…well, you’re you.”
James tilted his head to the side. “That clears absolutely nothing up.”
“I know.”
“Okay?”
“We can’t hold hands because you’re James Potter,” Regulus said quickly. And now James understood.
Sometimes it was easy for him to forget who he was to the public. He was a musician. He was photographed almost anywhere he went. And, for the moment, he was not allowed to be photographed in any sort of relationship. It was heartbreaking because all James wanted to do was show Regulus off, but he wasn’t able to do that and Regulus probably did not want all of that attention anyway.
“I’m sorry,” Regulus said after James didn’t say anything.
James snapped back into himself at that, his expression softening. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
He shrugged. “I mean… I do. This is a date. We should be able to do date things without-”
“We can,” James said quickly. He knew he was overcompensating now, but he was set on them having a good date. “I- I mean it might be less traditional. But, well I am still taking you on a date to the carnival. And I will win you all of the stuffed toys you want and kiss you at the top of the ferris wheel and make you try fried foods that simply should not be fried. We can do all of that, yeah?”
James saw Regulus try to hide a smile and end up completely failing. “Kiss me at the top of the ferris wheel?” he asked, biting the inside of his cheek to try to supress the grin.
James smiled with him, blowing out a deep breath and just being happy that he hadn’t ruined everything yet. “What can I say? I love a good cliche.”
“I know.”
And even if they couldn’t hold hands at the carnival, Regulus reached over and grabbed it for the duration of the elevator ride, sharing a small smile that was just for James. It was his, just his.
———
The carnival was sort of the best spot James could have picked. Nobody really paid them any attention, they were all too caught up in their own things and everything going on around them. James took a couple pictures with some fans that had seen them, but other than that they were left alone.
It was sort of like one big group date, which James found amusing. Everyone had a pair, even if they weren’t technically dating.
There was obviously Remus and Sirius, Marlene and Dorcas, Peter and Benjy, Pandora and Lily, James and Regulus, Barty and Evan, etc. Even Emmeline and Alice were acting closer than normal, although James didn’t actually know if they were together or not.
James could not wipe the smile on their face as they walked in. James paid for all of their tickets, intervening before anyone else could beat him to it. Regulus pretended not to be charmed by it, but James didn’t miss the small smile on his face.
James also knew that this was not generally Regulus’ scene. But James wanted them all to have a good time, and maybe James could persuade him to go on a couple of rides at the very least.
And then just as quickly as they arrived, everyone sort of spread out a little bit. It was comical to see. Dorcas and Marlene practically ran toward the tallest ride they had, and James smiled at them a little bit. It was nice to see his friends act like kids. Evan was apparently obsessed with the gambling games, so he and Barty had gone in that direction. Lily claimed to be starving, so she and Pandora split off for the different food vendors.
Eventually it was just James, Regulus, Remus, Sirius, Peter, and Benjy. A triple date with all of his best friends. What could be better?
“We are going on the swings,” Peter announced, deciding for the group of them. There was a small consensus that they would all stay together. It would just make things easier in the end if they did, as much as James hated to say it.
“The swings?” Regulus asked, thinking more literally. James grinned, guiding his shoulders to turn him around and point to the swings. It was a very tame ride all things considered, it didn’t even go very fast, or very high. “Oh. Okay,” he said, agreeing a bit apprehensive. Thankfully, the swings were two to a seat, and James would take whatever closeness with Regulus he could get.
They waited in line, chatting about nothing. Regulus was quiet, but he seemed to like staying close to James, always barely touching him. A brush of their arms, or his hands would suddenly reach out and grab his shirt like he was making sure James was still there. James enjoyed every second of it. His mind was more focused on Regulus and so he kept trailing off in his conversation with Sirius.
“Prongs, are you even listening to me?” Sirius asked at some point.
James wasn’t. Regulus had just entertained their hands for the second time that night. They were packed in close enough that nobody could have even seen or noticed, and James felt his smile grow even wider. Regulus was just smiling slightly, pretending like he hadn’t done anything,
“Hmm?” James said, lifting his eyes back to his friend.
“I asked if you were listening,” Sirius said with a small pout. His gaze shifted to Regulus. “You’re the worst.”
Regulus laughed. “Me?”
“You’re distracting him,” he said, the two of them acting like James wasn’t there.
Regulus shrugged. “Shouldn’t you be paying attention to your boyfriend?” he asked.
All three of them looked at Remus who was just learning against the gate, completely content with just watching.
“He’s fine,” Sirius said, and Remus nodded in agreement.
“Remus isn’t as attention hungry as Sirius,” James said, whispering it quietly to Regulus and relishing in the way it made him smile.
Sirius narrowed his eyes at them, clearly not liking that they were sharing secrets. “I lied. I don’t like this. I rescind my blessing.”
Regulus rolled his eyes. “I don’t need your blessing.”
James squeezed his hand a bit, unable to help himself. He was giddy, literally giddy, and he wasn’t the slightest bit embarrassed about it either.
“I’m your brother,” Sirius said, placing a hand over his chest.
“So?”
Sirius looked to James for help, but he had absolutely nothing to add. “I love you?” he said, hoping that it would win him some points.
Sirius smiled, patting James on the shoulder. “Today, the feeling is not mutual.”
James laughed as Sirius turned around, focusing on Remus even if he didn’t really need to be focused on.
***
Worst idea. Literally the worst idea. Who cares if it made James happy? Well. Okay, Regulus cared and that was why he was getting strapped into a literal death trap. But he was also literally shaking.
James was grinning and kicking his feet a little since they were sitting too high to reach the ground. The ride hadn’t even started yet and they couldn’t reach the ground. Oh. Regulus did not like this.
At that moment, Regulus did not care who could see, he grabbed onto James’ hand and literally clung for dear life, already dreading the moment that the ride was going to start. He watched it go around once before they got on, and it didn’t seem too bad in comparison to where Dorcas had ended up.
Still.
“You alright?” James asked. He kept looking at Regulus. Since they arrived, everytime Regulus would look at him, James was already looking. It was sort of frustrating. It was also sort of… lovely. Sort of. Not that Regulus would say that out loud.
The ride had turned on before Regulus could answer, and he shut his eyes tightly, probably holding onto James’ hand too hard.
James laughed, just letting Regulus do literally whatever he wanted. James wrapped one of his legs around Regulus’, and it helped to ground him a little.
They started going around in a circle, Regulus could literally feel it happening. He could feel them rising too, which made him less inclined to open his eyes.
“C’mon love, the view is so pretty,” James said, nudging him a little.
Regulus opened one eye, just a little bit. Oh they were high. Regulus could see over the entire park and on some. Everyone looked so tiny, so crushable.
“Oh my God,” Regulus groaned, hiding his head in James’ shoulder.
James probably loved this, but Regulus was hardly thinking about that.
“Deep breaths,” James said, clearly trying to mask a laugh.
Regulus finally felt okay enough to open his eyes, although he was still literally clinging to James. This was easily the tamest ride here, and Regulus was not sure how long he could do this for. Regulus saw just how happy and content James was though, and he figured he could stick it out for a little while if it meant he would stay just like that.
“I’m fine,” Regulus said, even though they both knew he was very much not fine.
“Isn’t it fun?”
Regulus didn’t answer for a moment. He supposed he loved the fact that he got to cling to James without feeling embarrassed about it. Really he wanted them to be attached at all times, but that was clingy and also unrealistic, especially considering Regulus’ issues with touch.
But James was very nice to hold onto. He had strong arms, and he always smelled good, so at the very least there was that. He would suffer so many other rides if it meant he just got to hold onto James.
“Yes,” he said eventually. “We are absolutely ditching Sirius though,” Regulus added. He could not deal with his brother just lingering around them with his judgment. Not on their first date.
James laughed. “Yes, absolutely.”
While the carnival would not normally be something that Regulus would pick out for himself, he could at least appreciate it. There were lots of vibrant colors and loud music or sound effects. And there were lots of people, which made it fun to people watch, at least. And while he didn’t know how long he would be able to stomach all of it, he did try to let himself enjoy it.
Regulus’ legs actually felt weak after they got off the ride, and he needed at least a couple more minutes before he went on another one. James, because he was perfect, seemed to pick up on this.
“We’re playing a game,” he announced, ditching Sirius and Remus and Peter and Benjy. Regulus was glad. He liked it better when it was just James and him.
Regulus let himself be led to a water gun game. He’s never really played carnival games before, but he turned out to be an absolute natural, hitting the bullseye first try.
James gaped at him, eyes not leaving him for a very long moment. Regulus could already feel himself blushing under his gaze, and he didn't care to do anything to stop it.
“What?”
“That was the hottest thing I have ever seen,” James said, completely unashamed to be admitting something like that.
Regulus rolled his eyes. “You are embarrassingly easy to impress.”
James shrugged, all too happy with himself. “I am a simple, simple man, Regulus.”
Regulus didn’t mention that James was so far from ‘simple’. It wasn’t really what James had meant anyway, and Regulus knew that.
Regulus let James pick out the prize, seeing as they were on a date and that they might as well be nauseatingly cliche about it. Regulus has never once really cared for romance, but this feels different somehow. Maybe it’s because it’s James, or maybe Regulus is just coming around to it.
No, actually it is just because it’s James. Regulus wouldn’t have even considered this with anyone else.
He tried not to sigh just thinking about it. He really was just a lovesick fool. Or. Well. No, not love. Right? Yeah. No. Too soon for that to even be in Regulus, mind. It’s literally their first date.
“You don’t even realize how much I am going to treasure this,” James said. He had picked out a stuffed turtle, and Regulus could have bet all his money on that being his choice.
Regulus smiled. “Good.”
James just stared at Regulus again, all of his features softening. He saw James look at his lips. He himself looked at James’ lils. But they were in public. They couldn’t really do anything here, and they both seemed to realize that at the same time.
James cleared his throat, and they both looked away a bit awkwardly.
“Where to next?” James asked, not so subtly goading Regulus to go on another ride.
Regulus sighed, both of them knowing he was pretending to be annoyed. “Wherever you like, James.”
James practically lit up. “Can we go on the ferris wheel?” Regulus’ eyes found the ferris wheel very quickly, seeing as it was taller than most everything else and also the center of everything. “Please?”
Only the cruelest man could have denied James right then. Plus, Regulus figured it could not have been worse than the glorified swings.
“Yeah. We can.”
James grabbed his hand to start leading the way, seemingly out of instinct, and Regulus wished that he didn’t check their surroundings, but he couldn’t help it. He was raised to be cautious, and to hide who he was. James wasn’t like that, he didn’t have that initial response to affection. Grabbing Regulus’ hand wasn’t something he really thought about at first. He was pure and honest like that, and he did things simply because he wanted to do them.
“Oh, sorry,” James said, dropping his hand when Regulus was slow to follow. “I didn’t really think.”
Regulus managed a smile, trying to forget about the way his gut twisted. It wasn’t fair to either of them. “It’s okay. Let’s just go to the ferris wheel.”
The line for the ferris wheel was long, but it was also the perfect cover to just be able to stand close to James again.
“Thank you,” James said. He looked really pretty, especially with the way all of the light bounced off of him.
Regulus frowned. “For what?”
James smiled. “For coming. For being here. For being you.”
Oh.
James really was romancing Regulus, and he was powerless against it, just letting it happen.
Okay. So maybe Regulus is lovesick. And maybe the realization of that is scary. Love? He wishes he could say it snuck up on him, but really he knows better. How could he not love James? It’s probably been happening since the first time they met, when they were strangers. When Regulus was a ballet dancer and James was playing his music too loud. Yeah, that was definitely the beginning of everything.
So Regulus smiled with him, and rather than admit what he was truly thinking, he settled for the closest thing he could say. “You’re lovely.”
“Yeah?” James asked, the word punching out of him with all of his breath, like he couldn’t believe it. Regulus would need to tell him more often.
“Yeah,” Regulus confirmed.
***
“We’re next,” James said, bouncing on his heels a little bit out of excitement. It’s been a long time since James has been able to do anything like this. The last time he was on a ferris wheel was literally years ago. In James’ opinion, there should be more of them in the world. James just wants to walk down the street and be able to get in line for the ferris wheel.
Regulus nodded. “Mhm,” he said, frankly looking a little bit sick.
James has learned that Regulus does not like heights very much, and that is exactly why this is the last ride he will be making them go on. He does greatly appreciate Regulus’ offer, but he does not want to force him to do things he doesn’t want to do. After all, they are both on a date, not just James. He wants both of them to have fun.
Plus, now he has to find a game he can actually win. He promised Regulus a stuffed animal and he was going to make good on it. That way they would both have a little memento from the day. James actually wanted to remember this night for the rest of his life. Until they’re old and gray. Oh how James wishes to grow old and gray with Regulus.
“First time?” James asked.
Regulus brought his gaze back down. He had been fixated on the very top of the ferris wheel for a couple of minutes now, similarly to how he had watched the swings just before they got on. James thinks it’s because Regulus just wants to understand how it all works, and James finds it to be very charming.
“And last,” he said with a nod.
Look, call James a cliche, or a stereotype, but he loves romanticizing ferris wheels. They’re in their own little world, separate from the rest of the world, and also so high up that they’ll be able to see everything from the Chicago River to the skyline. He felt like he was going to jump out of his skin from excitement.
“I’ll make it memorable for you, don’t worry,” James said.
Regulus raised an eyebrow. “That did not come off as reassuring as you thought it did.”
“Didn’t it?”
“No. It sounds like you’re planning to murder me.”
James laughed. “Oh, well that sure would be memorable, wouldn’t it?”
Regulus took a deep breath, looking up at the top of the ferris wheel again. “I swear to God, if I die by ferris wheel I will come back alive just to murder you.”
“Noted. Absolutely noted.”
Still, despite his worries that James was going to kill him, Regulus followed James into their little car. The roadie came by to make sure they were all safe and buckled in, and James gave him a small thank you.
James and Regulus were sitting across from each other, and James could see the way Regulus was already starting to feel anxious. His leg had started bouncing and his fingers had been doing the same tapping pattern as usual.
James started to move so he was sitting next to Regulus when he was stopped.
“No. What are you doing?” Regulus asked.
James smiled. “I was going to sit next to you.”
“Won’t that change the weight distribution?” Regulus asked, and then they started moving. Ferris wheels move slowly, but Regulus very quickly seemed to change his mind about caring about weight distribution when he moved to sit next to James.
It made James grin. He made Regulus feel safe, and that was absolutely fantastic.
James placed a hand on Regulus’ thigh, trying to calm him down a little bit and also let him know that he was right there, but Regulus seemed to tense up more.
James moved to remove his hand before Regulus stopped him. “I like it,” he said, barely getting the words out. He kept going from looking out the window to looking down at his hands. James started rubbing Regulus’ thigh a little bit, too excited to keep still.
The ferris wheel kept stopping and starting. Every time it would stop it was for about a minute, and James could not wait until they were the ones at the top.
“Can you like… say something?” Regulus asked. His eyes had finally found James, and while it was lovely, he didn’t want Regulus to miss the entire thing.
“What?”
“Just… talk.”
“Talk?”
“It’s easier for me when you talk.”
James tilted his head, unable to help but be confused. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“It gives me something to focus on.”
“Oh, that’s very cute.”
Regulus groaned. He kept doing that, actually, and James loved the sound too much to ask him to stop. “Right, yes, cute. Whatever. Just literally tell me a story or something.”
“Okay, okay. Umm, I think Dorcas likes me now,” he said, thinking that it was as good of a topic as any.
Apparently not, because Regulus practically glared at him. “I don’t want to talk about Dorcas.”
“Why not?”
“Because I like you. I want to hear about you.”
“You like Dorcas too though,” James pointed out.
Regulus sighed. “Not in the same way, idiot.”
This made James grin. Maybe he had been fishing for it just a little bit, but he still could not believe that Regulus liked him. And it was nice to hear.
“Oh, right,” he said.
Regulus shook his hand. “Are you going to kiss me at the top?” Regulus asked, looking out the window in a slightly more confident way than before.
“Do you want me to?”
“I always want you to.”
“Well, then yes.”
“But won’t that ruin the view?”
“I don’t see how,” James said.
“If you’re kissing me you won’t be able to look at the view.”
Oh. Well James hadn’t really thought about that, not that he really cared very much. He would much rather kiss Regulus than do literally anything else.
Regulus turned. “Kiss me now.”
James apparently needed to be told twice, because all he could get out was, “What?”
Regulus sighed and decided to just take matters into his own hands. He held onto the sides of James’ face very lightly, as if he were cradling something special. James sat and waited patiently, letting Regulus’ eyes scan his entire face before leaning in and pressing their lips together so softly.
James wanted to whimper, but didn’t in hopes of keeping a tiny shred of dignity. There was nothing like kissing Regulus. His hands were a bit cold, but they felt like they were burning through James’ cheek. Or maybe James’ face was just so hot that that’s what it felt like.
James let Regulus set the pace, he let him be the first swipe of tongue, he let Regulus be the one to deepen the kiss. James was just happy to be there.
It didn’t feel anything like the last kiss they shared. That one had felt rushed, like they were both trying to accomplish something just for the sake of saying they did. This one was different. There wasn’t anything hidden between them. This was kissing just to kiss. James never knew that something so simple could feel so perfect.
Regulus pulled away eventually, although not completely. He rested their foreheads together, and James could feel Regulus’ smile even if he couldn’t exactly see it. He imagined he looked just as happy though.
“Oh,” Regulus said softly, and really what else was there to say.
James hummed in agreement, unable to stop himself from laughing a little bit. He pressed a small kiss to Regulus’ nose before they pulled apart completely. “I think we’re at the top.”
***
Regulus did not know how he was supposed to stop himself from kissing James now. It felt like that was really all he was meant to do in life. Not dance, or music, or art, or business. He was put here for one reason, and that was to kiss James Potter on ferris wheels.
It was sickeningly cliche, so of course James was delighted about it. Regulus didn’t have it in him to pretend he wasn’t equally as delighted.
Regulus also managed to actually look out at the view, and James was right. It was beautiful. The sun had just barely set, leaving the sky a bit dark and also a bit warm. James was beautiful too, and Regulus much preferred looking at him than at anything else.
Despite the worrying and despite the anxiety, Regulus is trying to let himself feel happy. At least for right now, he feels like the universe owes him this.
And maybe that’s why he kisses James again. Or maybe it’s because he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to get enough. Or maybe it’s because they're at the top of a ferris wheel and Regulus is mildly scared out of his mind, but James makes it easier. He makes a lot of things easier. And kissing him is somehow the easiest thing in the world.
James smiled against it, making it very hard to kiss him.
“I like you very much, Regulus Black.”
“Ditto, James Potter.”
———
James seemed to be done with going on tall rides for the time being, because almost as soon as they stepped off the ferris wheel they went to go find food. Regulus sat at a table with Barty, Evan, Marlene, and Dorcas, finding them in the crowd. James went to get both of them something to eat.
Barty grinned almost the moment Regulus sat down. “You look happy,” he said, quickly noticing Regulus’ pink cheeks and the way he was trying very hard not to smile.
“Fuck off.”
“You look really happy,” Dorcas said. She was eating out of Marlene’s dish of ice cream, and Marlene was just sort of watching her fondly.
“I’m hungry,” Regulus said.
“Mm, we know. We saw your boyfriend leave to get you food,” Evan said. Regulus picked up a fry and threw it at his head.
“Not my boyfriend.”
“No?” Marlene asked, and Regulus had to remember she was something of a double agent. Anything he said would very quickly get back to James. Actually, let it get back to him. Regulus was far too content to even care.
“Not yet, anyway.”
When James came back almost fifteen minutes later, food was literally about to start falling out of his hands. “I didn’t know what you wanted, so I just got everything that looked good,” James explained, trying to carefully set it all on the picnic table. Regulus moved to help him, making sure nothing spilled.
Barty and Evan seemed to gape. “Why don’t you ever buy me food?” Barty asked, looking at Evan.
“I do. All of the time.”
Barty shrugged. “Well it’s cuter when James does it.”
“Fine, just date James then,” Evan suggested.
James grinned, because of course he did. “Sorry mate, I am unfortunately spoken for.”
“Oh, really? Who’s the lucky person?” Barty asked, batting his eyelashes playfully.
James shrugged. “Just this guy I met,” he said, waving it off like no big deal. He winked at Regulus not even a second later. Regulus could feel himself blush, because imagine being James’. It was just… insane. It was insane.
The six of them ate and laughed. Regulus didn’t contribute much to conversation, he sort of just needed a minute to return to himself and forget about everything going on. Sometimes it was a bit much, and being around people tended to drain his energy. It was different for people like James. Other people’s company energized him.
Still, he was very attune to Regulus’ needs, because he rested a hand on his thigh and let him eat quietly. He answered all the questions about what they had been doing, although he left out the part where they made out on the ferris wheel. Regulus was glad. He kind of liked that they had something that was just for them, although there was no doubt in his mind that he would be giving Barty the full rundown tonight. He was a gossip by nature.
Eventually it was just James and Regulus left at the table, and Regulus was able to have his full attention again.
Maybe he was a little bit attention hungry, but he was fine admitting that. There wasn’t a lot that could compare to when James was paying attention to him and only him.
“Okay, I have a plan,” James said, almost turning completely on the bench to face Regulus.
“A plan?”
“Yes. For the rest of our night. If you don’t mind.”
Regulus considered this and decided to hear him out. “Depends. Let’s hear it.”
James smiled. “Okay, so I can tell you are itching to leave-”
“No, I’m-”
“Shh. It’s fine,” James interrupted.
“It’s fine?”
James nodded. “Well, yeah. Of course it is.”
Regulus sighed. James was the worst. “Okay, okay. Umm, your plan then. What’s your plan?”
“Okay, so. First, we have to go find a game that I am good at.”
Regulus let out a laugh. “Your ego needs you to win that much?”
“Ha ha. No. I need to win you a memento, obviously.”
“Right, obviously.”
“Hmm. And then we can leave and go do whatever we want.”
Regulus had to admit, that sounded like a pretty good plan to him. And the idea of doing absolutely anything with James? Well he probably liked that the most.
“Okay.”
Regulus won in almost all of the games they played, and honestly they both thought that James wasn’t going to be able to win Regulus anything at all until they got to the basketball throwing game. Regulus’ athletic ability did not expand much past football, and even then he hadn’t played it in years.
Plus, he was also throwing the game a little bit. He could take one loss if it meant that James would win and they would finally be able to get out of there.
James literally jumped up and down when he scored higher than Regulus. “This is perfect. Stay here,” James said, running over to the booth and talking to the guy working.
Regulus watched him chat excitedly and he felt incredibly lucky to be able to witness it. His first date with James and he’s already ready to lay his life down for this man.
When James walked back over to Regulus he was hiding something behind his back.
“Okay, listen,” he said, stopping right in front of Regulus with the biggest smile on his face. “I know that you let me pick out my own prize, but I just had to pick out yours.”
Regulus raised an eyebrow. “Did you?”
“Yes. It was wholly necessary.”
“Let’s see it then.”
James pulled it out in front of him, and it took Regulus a couple of seconds to really grasp what he was looking at.
This man… Regulus does not know what to do with him.
“A duck.”
James laughed. “A duck. For my ducky.”
Regulus stared for a moment before erupting in laughter, quite literally unable to help himself. A duck. It was just… It was so hilarious in that moment, and maybe it was only because Regulus was so happy, but he actually could not stop.
“I knew you would love it,” James said, holding it out for him.
Regulus took it. It was just a regular duck, not anything like Donald Duck or the characters of that universe, and that somehow made it funnier. Trust James to be able to find an average duck.
“I do,” Regulus said, pointedly not thinking about how he loved the man in front of him more.
Okay. Maybe he was thinking about it.
“Good, good. Are you ready?”
Regulus let out a breath. He very much was ready, and he felt a little like he was going to crawl out of his skin if they didn’t get out of there soon. “Yes please.”
***
They could have called for a car, but James wanted to walk around the city for a little bit, and Regulus seemed to be fine with whatever James wanted to do. He even suggested they hold hands while they walk, although it didn’t last for very long before Regulus got uncomfortable. James didn’t mind. He didn’t need to be touching Regulus to know he was there, and honestly just being in his company was enough.
He was supposed to leave tomorrow, and James didn’t really know where that left them. A part of him didn’t want to ask, just in case the answer wasn’t what he wanted. But there was a small lull in conversation and that made it the perfect opportunity to bring it up.
“Reg?”
“Hmm?” He seemed a bit distracted, or at least very focused on the ground. James noticed he was taking care not to step on any cracks, almost following a pattern with the sidewalk.
“You’re leaving tomorrow,” James said, not sure of any other way to start the conversation. The best thing to do was keep it simple and to not put any pressure on it. They’ve been on a total of one date, it isn’t like they need to be putting a label on anything yet.
James himself doesn’t really like labels. He finds them to be constricting and that they make it harder to accept change. But another part of him really wants to be able to call Regulus his boyfriend, for them to both have that clarity so they can know exactly what they’re doing. Plus, he knows that Regulus, in general, prefers things to be labeled and placed neatly in a box. It makes it easier for him to sort through what he’s thinking, and James can understand that.
Regulus stopped and looked up at James, his attention coming to rest on him now, exactly where James liked it. “I am.”
James took a breath. “Right. Well…”
Words suddenly failed him as Regulus took a step closer, his arms coming to rest around James’ shoulders. He smiled and tilted his head, fully aware of what he was doing to James.
“What was that?” Regulus asked.
James let out a small laugh, but it didn’t really take off. His mind was too busy thinking about Regulus, about being close to him.
“Can I- Can I…” James lifted his hands slightly to ghost at Regulus’ hips, not sure how else to properly ask.
Regulus nodded. “You can.”
James didn’t really need much more before he was grabbing Regulus’ waist and pulling him closer. Regulus followed, not stopping James and instead making it easier for James to move him as he saw fit.
Really, they should have been talking. James had things he wanted answers to, but honestly all of his questions left his mind when Regulus was the one to eventually close the distance between them.
It wasn’t anything like the kisses on the ferris wheel. This one was strong and it was desperate. Somehow James walked them back to the closest wall, pushing Regulus against it and crowding closer. It was all over when Regulus pulled at James’ hair, and he let out a small whine into Regulus’ mouth. James couldn’t get enough, and Regulus seemed fine to give James whatever he wanted.
James’ hands had just barely slipped under Regulus’ shirt, just under the hem, when Regulus pulled away, making James drop his hands almost immediately. They were both breathing heavily.
“I’m sorry,” James said, thinking he had done something wrong. He should have asked, or maybe he just shouldn’t have done it at all.
Regulus looked up. “No. No,” he said, shaking his head.
James paused. “No?”
“No. You’re not sorry. I do not want you to be sorry. Sorry is what got us in that mess the last time.”
James felt himself smile a little bit. “Okay.”
Regulus sighed. “You still feel sorry.”
“Can’t help it, ducky.”
This got Regulus to smile, and James could tell he had at least tried to fight it a little bit. “You’re ridiculous.”
James shrugged. “You find it endearing.”
“No. I find it ridiculous.”
“Endearing.”
“Ridiculous.”
“Lying to yourself isn’t healthy, Regulus.”
“Well it’s a good thing I’m an honest man, James.”
“Are you saying I’m not an honest man?”
Regulus nodded. “Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying.”
James grinned, unable to stop himself. “I am so very fond of you,” James said, able to easily speak his mind when this was all he was able to think about. It was true. He is ridiculously fond of Regulus.
And really it was so easy for James to let Regulus pull him back in. They’d never really separated in the first place, and so it was so simple to just reconnect their lips. James kept his hands to himself this time, much more conscious of where he was touching Regulus and not wanting to do anything that would make him uncomfortable.
This one wasn’t messy. It was a slow build, the kind of waning and waxing that comes with sharing a kiss with someone special to you. There was no rush, or need to prove anything. They were just two boys who wanted to kiss, and they didn’t have anything to worry about other than that.
James pulled back a little bit, wanting to see Regulus and really take the moment in. “I never want to stop kissing you,” he said, realizing the reality of his words as he said them. It was true, and that didn’t scare him as much anymore. It was still new, but he was more comfortable with all of it. There was no shame in enjoying a kiss, or even wanting to do more.
Regulus smiled, one of those smiles that he didn’t even try to suppress. “Then never stop.”
This time, James did not need to be told twice.
———
It was at the ice cream shoppe that Regulus brought it up again.
“I’m leaving tomorrow,” he said after a long moment of just looking at James. He said it in such a way that made James think he really was just coming to the realization.
“You are.”
“I don’t really know how to do this part,” he admitted.
James let out a breath of relief. He didn’t know what they were supposed to do either. James wished it could be simple, but they were still working on their own things, and there was the complication of being in the spotlight. Regulus seemed mostly done with that now. He had branched into a field where people would know his name- people were always going to know his name regardless- but he no longer needed to put himself in the public eye. James was at the peak of his career, and maybe Regulus didn’t want to deal with that.
“That’s okay. I don’t either.”
Regulus pushed his dish of ice cream away. He had eaten most of it, but there was probably a quarter of it left. “I just don’t want to rush into something.”
“What do you mean?” James asked, reaching for the rest of Regulus’ ice cream since he already finished his. In James’ mind they had already been taking things incredibly slowly. They’ve basically been in this non-committal, confusing stage for almost three months. Or James has at least, he doesn’t really know when it all started for Regulus.
“I don’t want us to like… I don’t know. I don’t think we should try and make any decisions just because I’m going back to London tomorrow.”
“Oh.”
“You’re disappointed.”
“No, I’m not,” James said quickly, because he wasn’t. He just didn’t want to leave things up in the air between them, not when they didn’t know when or if they would see each other for the next couple of months.
“You sound a bit like you are.”
“Well… I just- I want to know what we’re doing here, Reg.”
Regulus raised an eyebrow. “We’re dating.”
James felt himself physically stutter, like his whole body just rebooted. “We are?” he asked, visibly shocked. Nobody told him. He knew that they were on a date, obviously. But he didn't really stop to think about what that meant.
“We are on a date,” Regulus told him, leaning back in his chair a little bit like he was now surprised that James didn’t know this.
“Well, no I know. But…”
“James, what did you think we were doing?”
He shrugged. “Well you kept saying we were friends, so.”
“We were never friends.”
“No?”
Regulus rolled his eyes. “I thought you were good at reading people.”
James grinned. “You’ve always been a bit of a mystery to me, love.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?”
Regulus shook his head, pulling at his ear for not even a second before he brought his hand down quickly. “Just- We were never just friends. Okay?”
“Okay,” James said. He thought he was doing a very good job at keeping his excitement in check considering the amount of butterflies in his stomach. James never thought of Regulus as just a friend, but it was different having that reassurance that it was the same way for Regulus. They were just kidding themselves with all of that friend talk, and they both knew it.
***
I love you.
Oh. Those words were dangerously close to just falling out of Regulus’ mouth at any given moment.
Did you like the ice cream?
I loved it. I love you.
We’re close to the hotel. Wanna just walk back?
Sure. I love you.
Can I hold your hand?
Whatever you want. I love you.
When did he become such a mess?
When Regulus dated Barty it was never like this. He loved Barty, loves him actually, but not in this way. This was that gross, cliche love that people write stories about. It didn’t scare Regulus as much as he thought it would, and maybe that was just because it was James. But really it all seemed inevitable. It didn’t sneak up on him, it didn’t come as a shock or a surprise. He couldn’t just get close to James without falling in love.
Still, he didn’t say it. He hasn’t really ever said those words to anyone. He can’t even remember the last time he told his brother that he loved him, let alone anybody else. So even though feeling it wasn’t scary, saying it outloud would probably kill him.
“Did you finish the song?” James asked. They were walking very slowly, like neither of them really wanted to go back and pop the bubble they had created for themselves.
“Almost. I’ll probably do the finishing touches on the plane,” he said. It would give him something to keep him busy, otherwise he would spend the entire time thinking about James. It was mildly embarrassing to admit, actually, but it was true.
James squeezed his hand, probably not even meaning to. He kept doing it, like he was making sure Regulus was still there, as if he would be anywhere else.
“Did Barty and Evan pick a date?”
Regulus felt himself smile a little bit. He couldn’t help it. Everytime he thought about his two best friends getting married he felt happy. There wasn’t a couple out there that made more sense to him than Barty and Evan.
“January 17th,” Regulus told him.
“That’s soon.”
Regulus shrugged. Maybe with anybody else he would think they were rushing into things, they have only been engaged for a couple of weeks, but Regulus was there all of secondary school. They’ve basically been building up to this moment for seven years.
“They don’t wanna waste time.”
“I’m happy for them,” James said with a nod.
Regulus felt his stomach drop, and at the same time he dropped James’ hand. Regulus really has been working on letting himself accept good things, but he didn’t want to be the one to ruin James’ future. His very wonderful and cliche future that he no doubt had in the back of his mind.
“What’s wrong?” James asked, already concerned.
“James,” Regulus said, closing himself off and backing away.
“What?”
“I don’t want to get married.”
James frowned, obviously confused when he tilted his head to look at Regulus. “Did I propose?”
“No.”
“I don’t get it.”
“I don’t want to get married ever,” Regulus corrected.
“Oh, okay,” James said with a shrug.
“Okay?”
“Yeah, ducky. That’s fine.”
Now Regulus was confused. “What?”
“It’s just a piece of paper anyway, right? So, we don’t get married.”
“But…”
“What?”
“I thought… Well, I just thought that you wanted marriage.”
James shrugged. “I mean, I guess I always thought of myself as being married one day, like my parents are. But it isn’t something I need, or even necessarily want. So long as we grow old and gray together, who cares?”
I would get married. For you, only. To you, only.
I love you.
“Oh,” Regulus said, his heart beating quickly as he realized so many things at once. One, that he wanted to grow old and gray with James. He had never really thought about it before, what their possible future could look like. And two, he realized just how much power James had over him. If he would have said that not getting married was a dealbreaker, Regulus probably would have proposed right there.
“So we’re good?” James checked.
Regulus let out a breath and grabbed for James’ hand. “We’re good.”
———
“Wait,” Regulus said before he could change his mind.
He bought James a gift, and really he hated everything about gift exchanges, so he wasn’t going to give it to him. But then what would have been the point of buying it?
James turned on his heel, already grinning. “No, Regulus, you can not take me home,” James teased, re-crossing the small distance.
Regulus rolled his eyes. “Wait here.”
He slipped inside his hotel room, ignoring Barty and Evan’s questions and finding the wrapped gift at the bottom of his suitcase. He had hidden it, just in case.
James was waiting in the exact same spot when Regulus came back out.
“Don’t open it in front of me, please,” Regulus said, all but shoving the gift into his hands. It was a new journal, and he only bought it because James had complained about running out of pages in his old one. It wasn’t even a very cute journal at all, and Regulus had only bought it because of the pun on the front. He was embarrassed about it, but he knew that James would love it.
It had a red cover and a large cartoon duck in the middle. The front cover read ‘What’s a duck’s favorite ballet? The nutquacker.’
It was horrible, but Regulus had to buy it for James before James bought it for him.
“Okay,” James said, turning the journal over in his hands and clearly itching to open it. He would probably wait all of thirty seconds after Regulus left to open it, but that was fine. As long as Regulus didn’t see his reaction.
“Goodnight,” Regulus said quickly, ready to back into the room.
James smiled. “No goodnight kiss?”
Regulus didn’t even want to try to deny him, and he practically leapt forward into James’ arms. He never felt safer than he did when James was there.
He didn’t want to break it, not ever, but they had to eventually.
“Goodnight, Reg,” James said, backing away slowly.
“Goodnight.”
James turned and Regulus went back into his room. Barty and Evan were just waiting, ready to squeeze him like a sopping towel to get any information out of him.
Regulus gave it freely.
“I love him,” he said a bit sadly.
Barty and Evan came to his side immediately and held him while he finally let out all of the emotions he was feeling. It had been a lovely day, and Regulus would not have changed a thing, but it was also a very long day, and now Regulus just wanted to go home.