Preparations
James tried not to bounce while he walked back with Regulus, but he couldn’t help it. He had agreed! And he could say that it had nothing to do with James- which was probably mostly true- but it did at least have a little to do with James. Regulus hadn’t agreed until he showed up.
“Why are you walking like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like a five year old who ate too much sugar.”
James grinned. “I’m just happy. Are you not happy?”
Regulus shrugged. “Happiness is subjective.”
“Okay, yes. But I’m asking you a subjective question, so you can answer subjectively,” James said, not even sure if the words coming out of his mouth made any sense.
Regulus stopped just outside the door, one hand on the handle while he turned around to face James. James had no idea what was going on inside his head, but he didn’t miss the way Regulus was looking at him. Needless to say, he liked it.
“For my standards, yes.”
———
Marlene was the only one who got to stay behind. The only one.
James was pretty sure the only reason Regulus allowed her to was because it was her song, and they needed to make sure it sounded good together.
If James could have he would have stayed and waited in the lobby or something, he just wanted to be there in general. But he couldn’t because he was already getting messages from everyone because he was late for soundcheck.
He wasn’t the only one who wanted to stay but couldn’t. Dorcas seemed unsure about leaving, but Regulus had specifically told her that he didn’t want her to stay. Maybe he was still angry at her for sending Marlene the video in the first place- he needed to remember to ask her to see that video, actually- , or maybe he just really didn’t want anybody in the room that didn’t need to be.
Still, James thought this was the perfect opportunity to bond with Dorcas more. James wanted to be friends with Regulus’ friends, and if she was going to be dating Marlene then she would be around a lot more often.
Dorcas did not seem as interested in getting to know James though. James considered himself to be a charismatic person, but nothing was working on Dorcas. She was just wholly unimpressed with him, and even Peter started laughing at James’ sad attempts. But if he could win over Barty and Evan, then James could do anything.
“So, do you still have that video?” James asked in the van that Lionhead rented. Benjy was driving, Peter was in the passenger seat, Barty and Evan were in the middle row, and Dorcas and James were all the way in the back. Alice and Emmeline had left before them, sometime between when James whisked Regulus off to an emptier room and when they came back.
Dorcas had been typing away on her phone, and while James had tried not to be nosy, he couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of the screen. It looked like she was just working though.
She looked up, still looking wholly unimpressed with him. James has no idea what Regulus has told her about him, but so far it does not seem to be positive reviews. Which is fine. James can fix his reputation by simply being himself.
“What video?”
James grinned. “The one of Regulus singing.”
Barty snorted from the seats in front of them, turning around in his seat so he could watch the whole thing play out. It did not make James feel any better.
“Oh, right. I’m not showing you that.”
“I will!” Barty volunteered.
Evan hit him in the arm. “You won’t.”
“Reg will be so mad, it’ll be hilarious,” Barty said.
“James is not allowed to see the video,” Dorcas said, nodding her head like her decision was final. Barty eventually turned around and sighed, mumbling something under his breath that James couldn’t quite make out.
“Not allowed?” James asked.
“Not allowed,” Dorcas told him with a small nod.
Still, James was not completely deterred. He couldn’t see the video, and that was fine. He just needed to win over Dorcas. “So, you’re dating one of my best mates?” he asked. He knew he had struck gold by going with Marlene as their topic of conversation rather than Regulus. James understood perfectly, and he was only further proved right by the shy smile that Dorcas had on her face.
“I- I mean… We haven’t really talked about it yet.”
“About what? Whether or not you’re dating?”
Dorcas nodded. “Yeah, that.” James felt himself practically start vibrating. He was not going to tell Dorcas about Marlene’s plan of asking her to be her girlfriend, but he was internally very excited about it. “What? Why do you look like that?”
“Like what?” James asked innocently.
Dorcas leveled her eyes at him. Perhaps she was trying to read James’ mind, but he was a sealed vault and nobody had the key at that moment. The only other person in the car who knew was Peter, but he was lost in his own world, and by that James means he was lost in Benjy.
“Insane. You look insane,” Dorcas corrected.
James shrugged. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He could not wait to welcome Dorcas into their little family.
***
Regulus and Marlene simply stared at each other. He had no idea how to start this, and he’s never wanted to crawl out of his skin more than he did at that moment. He still doesn’t quite understand his own intentions for agreeing. Maybe it had a little to James, or maybe it had nothing to do with him. In the depths of his subconscious, Regulus knows why he’s doing this. It’s another act of rebellion.
He never got his rebellious phase like Sirius did. He was the straight edge, rule following brother. And he was tired of doing that now. What was the point? His father was dead, his mother hated him, and nothing was going the way Regulus had planned for it to. So if Regulus wanted to mess around and sing a song, then he very well could. He was doing it to prove to himself that he could.
And he wanted to. Sort of. It was all very conflicting in his head. He hated the idea of being vulnerable like this, because singing was a vulnerable activity. But he had always loved music, and he was glad to be getting back into it again. He doubted he would ever sing again, not after this, but he did really like the song.
Still, he had no idea where to begin. So he was just staring at Marlene and waiting for her to say something first.
“You know the words?” she asked.
Regulus nodded.
“Cool, cool. Do you know the key?”
“Yes.”
Marlene sighed. “Okay, right. Well, what are we waiting for then?”
“I don’t know.”
It took a lot more awkward shuffling around before Regulus was in the booth and Marlene was in the chair. This would be the last vocals they needed, if everything went according to plan. Regulus could record a couple of verses before their time was up and then he could finish putting it all together later that night. Everybody would be busy, so he would be able to actually have some alone time. Dorcas would be with Marlene, Pandora would likely be with Lily, Remus and Sirius were always together, and there wouldn’t really be anybody around to distract him. Except maybe James. Regulus hoped that James would come and distract him.
For a solid minute, Regulus stood there unable to do anything. Marlene seemed impatient, but she wasn’t rushing him. She was mostly restless. She wanted this song done just as much as Regulus did.
So, he took another moment to feel the music and then he started singing.
So many feelings struggling to leave my mouth
And it’s not that rare for me to let myself down
in a big way
But I had enough time and I found enough reason to accept that
He stopped there, looking at Marlene’s reaction. He had taught her very basically how to layer the vocals he was recording with the rough cut of the song, and he could tell she was listening to it. It really was only the barest of demos at the moment, and Regulus’ first take was not his best. So, he did that verse again, and again, and again, each time leaving the booth to go listen to it or change something.
Marlene kept saying that she thought it was perfect, but Regulus thought she was just being nice.
“Black, there are other verses,” she said after maybe the fifth take. He really did need to speed this along, and now he was finally warmed up. His stomach was still tangled in knots, and he was picking at his nails so much that it actually was starting to hurt, but all in all it could have been worse.
So he recorded the other verses and he listened to them and then he re-recorded them until Marlene was tired of him.
“I have to be on stage in a couple of hours,” she said as a way of letting Regulus know that she had to go. Regulus nodded, he knew he would have to finish the last of it up alone and he was more than fine with that.
“Yeah, okay. You’re good.”
“Thank you, by the way. The song sounds fucking fantastic now,” she said, blowing a kiss at him before she walked out of the room.
She was right, too, even if Regulus had not wanted to admit it. His voice added a new depth and dimension to the song that it had admittedly been lacking. Before it was just good, a song that people could easily forget about after hearing. But after… It had this quality to it that Regulus would be an idiot to deny. It made the song more catching to the ear, and it made it mean more. Having two voices made the song into more of a duet, even if they were telling the same story.
It was something that Regulus found himself being proud of.
***
Despite the fact that literally everybody got there late, the show was fantastic. There was something about Chicago, at least for James. He loved the city. It was just magical for him, and so was playing music. Sometimes it was a bit daunting for James to think about the future. Money wasn’t going to be a worry. He had what he inherited when he turned eighteen, and he’s made more than a small fortune since starting the band. But fame and glory could only last for so long. James could only perform to crowds for so long. He wanted to do it forever, but he just didn’t know if he would be able to.
Perhaps the best part of the Chicago show was when it ended, which was not usually James’ view point. He loved the active part of being on stage more than anything else. Normally.
Remus and Sirius ran off rather quickly. James was sure he would hear all about it in the morning anyway, and he was happy they were able to have some semblance of a relationship, even if they were forced to keep it a secret.
The rest of them found their way back to the hotel, for the most part anyway. Marlene and Dorcas were who knows where.
In the elevator it was James, Lily, Pandora, Barty, Evan, Benjy, Peter, and Regulus.
Of course, the only one that James was really able to pay any attention to was Regulus. He was able to slightly pick up on the fact that Pandora and Lily were holding hands and he was interested in whatever was going on there, but Regulus was just looking at him. Staring, really. Completely unabashed and open.
There are different intensities to the looks Regulus gives. James, through careful observation, has been able to pick through the ones that seem to be solely reserved for him. This was one of those occasions where it was a look just for James.
His eyes were sort of bright, maybe a little bit glazed over from a couple of drinks. His lips were just slightly turned up in a small smile, and James could not wait for the rest of these people to get out of the elevator just so he could pick at Regulus’ brain. James was stuck in a constant state of wanting to know what Regulus was thinking. Sometimes, he was lucky enough to get answers.
Without a single word they communicated that they would be staying in the elevator. Or maybe James was just hopeful and Regulus decided to stay behind with him. All of their friends filed out, and only Pandora turned around to notice they were still in there. James waved while Regulus pressed a button, taking them to a different floor.
It wasn’t until the doors closed that James realized they were going to the roof.
Regulus leaned against the wall with a sigh, watching the numbers go up and up. James watched him. He watched the tension in his shoulders relax and the way he let out a small sigh.
Regulus looked gorgeous tonight. James had never been blind to it, and he certainly wasn’t going to start now. His cheeks were red from the venue being hot, and then the elevator also being crowded. His eyeliner was a little bit smudged, but still mostly intact. His curls were a bit of a mess, and James thought that was because he didn’t have time to try and tame them. If anybody could relate to that, it was James.
“You look good,” James said, finding any and all descriptive words failing him. Even more so when Regulus lazily looked over at him, an eyebrow raised in question.
“Do not even start,” Regulus said.
James frowned. “Hmm?”
Regulus groaned, pushing off the wall a little bit and walking closer to James. Instinctively he took a step back, not really thinking about how there was nowhere to go.
Lightly, Regulus shoved at his chest a little bit. “You are not allowed to say that to me after shows.”
James felt himself smiling. “No?”
“No.”
“Why’s that?” James asked, even though he had a small feeling he knew exactly why.
Regulus folded in just a little bit, his head going to rest on James’ shoulder, leading to his words being muffled by James’ t-shirt. It was just a simple black Ramones t-shirt, but James liked it ten times more now that Regulus has pressed his face into it.
“What was that cariño?”
Regulus lifted his head up just as the elevator stopped at the top floor. They were going to have to walk up the last flight to get to the roof, and Regulus stepped off first, waiting for James to follow him.
James did after a moment, unsure why Regulus’ eyes were suddenly so large.
“What?”
“What?” Regulus repeated.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” James asked with a small laugh.
“What did you say?”
“Hmm?”
“A moment ago. In the elevator.”
James thought back. “I asked you what you said,” James reminded him, unsure what was so groundbreaking about that.
Regulus shook his head, seeming to grow more frustrated. “You called me something.”
And, oh. Now James understood. He smiled even wider.
“What? You mean cariño?” James teased. Regulus’ cheeks were pink all over again for a completely different reason. “God, I cannot believe I haven’t branched into the Spanish pet names!”
“No. No,” Regulus said, shaking his head and realizing what he’s started.
“Yes. Very much yes.”
Regulus groaned, making his way toward the staircase and only double checking once to see if James was following him. He was, of course. James would always follow him.
***
Regulus does not know why he let James come up to the roof with him. He was truthfully just going for a cigarette away from paparazzi and some fresh air. But his plan was completely ruined now because there was no way that Regulus could breathe around James. Not properly.
“Is that my lighter?” James asked, watching as Regulus lit a cigarette. He had completely forgotten that he kept it, and he had been very careful to not remind James of it. He had wanted to keep it. He was still planning on keeping it, actually.
“Yes.” He stuffed it back in his front pocket and silently let James know that he would not be getting it back.
The building they were on was over twenty stories high, but it still wasn’t the tallest building around them by any means. They had a good view of the Chicago River though, and Regulus leaned against the ledge. It was high enough that there was no risk of falling over, but not so high that he couldn’t rest his arms on it.
“I thought you didn’t like heights,” James said, joining him.
Regulus glanced at him before looking back out over the water. “When did I say that?”
“Well, you said you don’t like roller coasters.”
“Not because of the height.”
Regulus actually didn’t mind heights that much. It reminded him just how small he really was. Being up high was sort of freeing in that way. He really did not matter in the grand scheme of things, and that was more comforting than anything else.
“That’s so backwards.”
“No, it isn’t,” Regulus defended.
James smiled at him. “So, how’d it go?” he asked, changing the subject. Regulus didn’t need to ask for clarification, but he did anyway to avoid talking about it for as long as possible.
“Hmm?”
“The song.”
“Oh, right.”
“Reg,” James said, nudging him slightly.
He sighed. “I don’t know. It went fine.”
“Fine?”
“Yeah, fine,” Regulus said, not knowing any other way to explain it.
James smiled. “Sounds truly riveting,” he said, causing Regulus to smile around his cigarette. “Did you like the show?”
Regulus resisted the urge to just groan again. He did enjoy the show. Really and truly. It was different watching it in the crowd. It was different when James kept making eye contact with him, and Regulus knew it was for him. There was no questioning or wondering. Regulus knew.
It was safe to say that it had all made Regulus very frustrated. He really had just wanted to drag James off stage and into the nearest room. It had been very difficult for him to not do that. Regulus was proud of himself actually.
“It was fine,” Regulus said, feeling a bit amused with himself.
James sighed all dramatically, leaning against the ledge and looking up at the sky. “Nothing can satisfy you.”
Regulus refrained from making a dirty joke. Still, the implication of James satisfying him made his cheeks blush pink. And he noticed because of course he did, so Regulus might as well have just made the joke anyway.
“Oh?” James said, eyebrow raising.
“Shut up.”
“Mm, I’d rather not. Tell me, what do you think could satisfy you? Is it a person, perhaps?”
“Potter, I will throw you off the roof.”
James laughed at this, because of course he did. Regulus felt himself smiling too and decided to blame it on the couple of drinks he had hours ago.
———
The thing about James was that he made it almost impossible to get any work done. It wasn’t completely his fault. Regulus would get distracted by the way James was sitting quietly, or by the way he would smile at something on his phone, or by the way he would fidget with the closest thing to him. Regulus just about jumped out of his skin when he happened to be the closest thing and James was tapping fingers along his leg.
There were also the things he was doing intentionally. He spoke every thought that came to his brain, and Regulus would listen to whatever long tangent he was about to go on. The most recent one was James’ hatred for cream cheese. Regulus had not known what to say to that.
He had kept one of his ear buds out specifically so he could listen to James. He was a little bit tipsy, both of them were. There was a bottle of vodka that they had both had a little bit of, and it was actually making Regulus work faster than he thought was possible. His cheeks were flushed from both the liquor and the prolonged proximity to James, and he kept giggling. He would like to say it was out of character, but it was actually very common whenever he drank. Or just whenever he was around James. Regulus, for once, found that he didn’t even mind.
“So, I’ve been thinking,” James said, starting yet another sentence in a way that meant Regulus really needed to tune in.
“Oh, how’s that going?” Regulus asked, already putting a pause on what he was doing.
James hummed. “Oh, fantastically,” he said, sitting up. He had been laying on the bed, opposite Regulus, and playing with the bottom hem of Regulus’ sweatpants. It was terribly distracting, but he didn’t have the heart to ask James to stop. “I’ve got some very good ideas, you see?”
Regulus glanced over his laptop to look at James. “Really?”
“Really,” James affirmed. “Are you busy? Am I interrupting?”
Regulus half shut his laptop, not sure what possessed his body but knowing he didn’t care in the slightest. “No, you’re not interrupting anything,” Regulus lied. He found that listening to James was far more entertaining than having to hear his own voice over and over.
James grinned and it was worth it. “Perfect. So, tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Mhm. You said you’re helping Barty and Evan?”
“Yeah. They can’t plan a wedding to save their lives.”
James nodded. “Okay, right. Right.” He kept looking around the room, a bit nervous about whatever it was he was going to say.
“James?”
“I would like to request that you do not make any decisions until I am done talking,” he said.
Regulus tried to fight a smile. He failed. “The floor is yours.”
James shifted positions again so that he was sitting criss-cross on the bed, knees nudging Regulus’ leg. Neither of them made any sort of move so that they weren’t touching. It was nice.
“We are in Chicago, and there’s this carnival. And I know how you feel about things like carnivals and loud, large public spaces, which is why I made the decision to tell you about it rather than surprise you. But I really, really want to go. With you. I want to go with you,” James said, making sure Regulus was very aware of that part. “I think it would be fun, and I wouldn’t make you do anything you didn’t want to do. I mean, I would encourage some things, but of course it is all up to you. And yeah. Tomorrow. What do you think?”
Regulus blinked at him for a moment, trying to process everything that he said. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard James talk so fast before.
“A carnival?” Regulus asked.
“Yes.”
“You were going to surprise me with a carnival?”
“Okay. Well. Yes, I was. But I realized that was a bad idea and told you about it beforehand,” James said.
And there was something about that small fact that Regulus was just obsessed with. James knew him well enough to know that surprising him with something like that would not go over well.
“Oh,” Regulus said, not sure what else there even was to say. Just oh.
“We don’t have to go, but tomorrow is our last full day in Chicago. And I wanted to spend it with you, I guess. If you want.”
“I want,” Regulus found himself saying before he could stop it. He did want. More than he could put into words. James understood though, probably more than anybody else. After all, James wanted too.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
James leapt forward and practically tackled Regulus into a hug, laughing the entire time. Regulus was laughing with him, letting himself fall backwards while James buried his face into Regulus’ shoulder.
“Just so you know,” James said, his voice slightly muffled, “this is going to be a date.”
Regulus smiled. “Yeah, I know.”
James lifted his head up, practically hovering over Regulus now. “Okay, good.”
“Okay,” Regulus agreed, unable to think of anything else when James was so close.
“I have to go gossip to your brother now,” James said, his voice quiet. Regulus could tell that he was thinking the exact same thing that he was. But they’ve been here before. They’ve shared a kiss in a hotel room, almost in this exact same position. And that was probably the only reason that Regulus didn’t lean forward just a little bit.
“Okay,” Regulus said again.
James started leaning in slightly, and Regulus closed his eyes, expecting a kiss on the lips. He doesn’t know whether he was delighted or disappointed when he felt the smallest feather dusting of a kiss on his cheek.
“Goodnight, Reg.”
Regulus knew he was blushing, so he didn’t open his eyes for a very long minute. “Goodnight, James,” he said just before hearing the door shut.
He put his hand up to his cheek, trying to keep in his giddy laugh and being completely unable to do so.
Regulus was now very excited for the carnival.
***
Sirius was wholly unimpressed with James when he started knocking on his door.
“Potter,” he said.
James had a huge grin on his face that not even a cranky Sirius could wipe away.
“Good evening, Padfoot!”
“Do you even know what time it is?”
“Nope!” James replied.
“Everything alright?”
“Mhm. I have a date tomorrow!”
Sirius sighed. “Of course this is about my brother.”
James could only smile, because yes, it was about Regulus. Sirius let him inside, and James first noticed Remus on the bed, half naked and wide awake.
“How was your guys’ date?” James asked, knowing full well he might have interrupted something. Although he isn’t so sure that he did. Sirius looked like he had genuinely been sleeping.
Remus and Sirius shared a look, deciding between the two of them in those couple of seconds what information they wanted to share with James. Not that it mattered much. The moment it was just Sirius and James, Sirius would tell him absolutely everything, including the things he did not want to know.
“It was good,” Remus said, deciding on a response that lacked any sort of detail.
James smiled at them. “Yeah? Good,” he said, getting in the bed next to Remus and leaving enough space for Sirius on the other side of him. “Sit down, Pads.”
Sirius sighed. He relocked the door and got in under the blanket. “Alright, I guess I’ll listen,” Sirius said.
And he did. James probably talked about Regulus for almost twenty five minutes straight, his mind jumping from story to story. A lot had happened that he just hadn’t had the time to tell Sirius about. Or Remus for that matter, although he kept dozing off while James spoke. It was late, he couldn’t blame either of them for just wanting to sleep.
“What is it with you two and cheek kisses?” Sirius asked, apparently finding the whole thing to be very amusing.
“It’s sweet,” James defended. He liked that they were taking things slowly and not rushing into anything. It made the whole thing feel a little bit less daunting. There weren’t any expectations or outside influences, and that made it all ten times better.
“Yeah, Pads,” Remus said, his voice barely audible. “It’s sweet.”
“Moony, is this your way of telling me you want more cheek kisses?” Sirius asked, sitting up a little bit so he could see Remus over James. Remus’ eyes were closed, but there was a small smile toying on his lips.
“Maybe.”
Without any sort of warning, Sirius leaned all the way over James and peppered a million tiny kisses to Remus’ face, basically all over it except for his lips. Both of them were giggling and James was looking at them fondly.
“Happy?”
Remus hummed. “Mm, I am quite pleased, thank you.”
Sirius sat back. His face was bright red, but Remus couldn’t see that with his eyes closed. “Anytime, Moons.”
Sirius pressed his face into James’ shoulder, and James could tell he was trying not to scream or do something equally as embarrassing. They spoke quietly between the two of them, trying to let Remus sleep. Plus, it gave James more time to gush about Regulus.
“Is he asleep?” Sirius asked eventually, trying to lean over to see.
Both of them were silent for a moment, waiting to see if Remus himself would answer it.
“Looks like it,” James said, settling in a little bit more.
Sirius deflated, letting out a long sigh of contentedness and resting his head on James. “Prongs, I’ve got it so bad for him,” he said.
James laughed as quietly as he could, brushing through a little section of Sirius’ hair with his fingers. “Yeah, I noticed.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“I mean it is to me, at least.”
“James… He- he took me on a date tonight. Like a real one. Cliche and everything,” Sirius said.
“That’s a good thing,” James reminded him, already able to hear the tone in Sirius’ voice. Sirius had a hard time accepting that good things actually could happen to him, and James was always there to remind him that he deserved every last thing that he got.
“It was a drive-in movie! And he paid, and he got us popcorn and pepsi and… I- I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Date my best friend!” Sirius said, a bit louder than he meant to. They both froze, waiting to see if Remus was going to wake up from that. He didn’t. “What if I mess it all up?”
James pulled Sirius closer. “You won’t,” James assured him. “And even if you do, there’s nothing you guys can’t come back from. Right? I mean it’s Moony.”
Sirius sighed. “That’s my point. It’s Moony. Our Moony.”
“I know.”
“I never thought- I didn’t think he wanted me too, you know? And so I was fine harboring a one sided crush for years. But it isn’t one sided anymore.”
“I’m not sure it ever was.” In his mind, Remus and Sirius have been in love with each other since the day they met. It was never one-sided.
“But it at least felt like it was.”
“But it wasn’t.”
“Prongs-”
“No, I mean, I’m sure Remus is going through the same feelings right now.”
“Has he talked to you?” Sirius asked, sitting up all of the sudden and hoping for any sort of insight that James could give.
James shook his head. “No, not about this. And even if he had, that isn’t my place to tell you.” Sirius sighed again at that and laid back down. He knew James was right, and that’s probably the only reason he didn’t argue.
“Are you telling me I should talk to my boyfriend about my insecurities?” Sirius asked. He sounded like he already knew the answer and just didn’t want to hear it.
“That is exactly what I’m telling you, yes.”
“Is that what you’re doing with Regulus?”
James paused. “What do you mean?”
“You said you’re working through things. You didn’t really tell me what that means.”
“Oh.”
“Is he treating you right? Is he pressuring you into anything?”
“No, no. Nothing like that,” James said quickly. “If anything it would be the other way around.”
Sirius sat back up again, not amused at all. “Are you pressuring my brother?”
James’ eyes widened. “No. That’s not what I meant at all.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “I’m not opposed to murder, you know?”
James tried a smile. “I swear, I’m not. I just meant that… Well, I don’t know what I meant.”
“This is starting to sound like something I need to worry about.”
“It’s not. I would never do anything he didn’t want me to.”
Sirius seemed to relax a little bit. “He is my brother, you know that?”
James nodded. He understood where Sirius was coming from. He wanted to protect both of them, and it was a sort of complicated position for him to be in. “I do.”
“Okay, good. So, working through things? What does that mean?”
“It means… It means I’m working on accepting my sexuality. And he’s working on…” James trailed off. Regulus would probably be upset with James if he just went and told Sirius everything about Regulus’ own struggles. It was the kind of conversation that brothers needed to have on their own. “His own things.”
“His own things?”
“He can tell you, if he wants.”
“Yeah, okay. That’s fair.”
“Mhm.”
“Prongs?”
“Pads?”
“What do you mean by accepting your sexuality?”
“Oh.”
James is never sure how to accurately voice what he is thinking, not when it comes to this. It’s taken hundreds of conversations with Regulus, and James still has no idea what’s going on. And it should be easy- or at least easier- to tell Sirius, but it just isn’t. Sirius has never shied away from sex or sharing very intimate details about it with James, and so he just feels lesser for some reason, because James has never been able to do that.
“I have a hard time with desire, I guess. Like the wanting. I’ve never really wanted sex before, and now it’s practically all I can think about, and sorry if that’s weird for you to hear but-”
“Why would that be weird for me to hear?” Sirius interrupted.
James stopped. He really was about to go on a very long rant, so it was a good thing Sirius cut him off where he did.
“Oh. Because it’s Regulus. That I want to have sex with. It’s about him.”
Sirius shrugged. “No, not really. It’s about you wanting to have sex. Nothing to do with him.”
“Well, there’s a little to do with him,” James mumbled.
“Nope. All about you right now. So don’t worry about being embarrassed or worry about me being weirded out. It’s a non-issue.”
“I- Are you sure?”
“Very sure,” Sirius affirmed.
So James told him everything he’s been feeling and thinking lately, and it was actually much more therapeutic than he could have imagined. Of course Sirius would never judge him or think he was immature, and James did know that. Still, it was nice to have it confirmed, and there was no better fix to anything than talking to Sirius.
***
Barty and Evan were going to actually make Regulus go insane. They woke him up far too early, for starters. Regulus hadn’t gone to bed until almost three in the morning because he was working on the song. It was mostly finished, he just needed to play it for Marlene and Benjy to get their opinions. He was also up late because every ten minutes he would be reminded of the kiss and just start blushing so hard that he was unable to do anything. It was just a slow process of working and thinking about James.
But of course his friends needed to get an early start. It wasn’t actually early at all seeing as it was almost noon, but Regulus was tired.
He made them all go down to get the complimentary breakfast and he nursed about three cups of coffee while Barty spoke way too quickly about all of his ideas. Apparently Regulus was the wedding planner now, or something to that effect anyway. He did his best not to complain.
“You guys need to pick a date,” Regulus said, interrupting Barty while he was talking about possible venues. His dream destination was Buckingham Palace, and Regulus actually could not tell if he was joking.
“We want it soon,” Barty said.
“We do?” Evan asked.
Regulus groaned. This was going to be much more taxing than he thought it would be. “Have you two discussed any of the practical aspects of this thing?”
Barty grinned. “Why would we do that?”
“Okay. How about a time of year? Any ideas on that?”
“Summer,” Barty said.
“Winter,” Evan said at the same time.
Barty whipped his head around to look at him. “Winter?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Who wants a winter wedding?”
Evan gaped. “The snow will make everything look so pretty!”
Barty seemed to evaluate something in his head. “Okay. Winter then.”
Regulus could only stare at them for a moment, trying to figure out how the hell Barty compromised that quickly. He supposed Barty would do absolutely anything that Evan wanted, but it was very off putting to experience in person.
“Okay,” Regulus said slowly. He had a notebook in front of him and wrote down winter. That was all they had so far. “And a month?”
“December?”
“No,” Barty said quickly. “December is already too busy.”
Evan nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. Maybe January?”
Barty gasped. “What about Valentine’s day?” he asked excitedly.
“Absolutely not,” Regulus said for the both of them. He was not going to let the two least romantic people he knew get married on Valentine’s day. It was way too cliche for them, and they would end up regretting it.
“I agree with Reg,” Evan said. “No fucking way.
“Okay, it was just a suggestion.”
“January 12th,” Evan said, randomly throwing out a day.
“No,” Barty said with absolutely no explanation.
“No?”
“Sounds ugly. And we deserve a pretty anniversary.”
“It sounds ugly,” Regulus repeated quietly. This whole thing was already giving him a headache.
“What’s up with you?” Barty asked, changing the conversation. Now both of them were focused on him.
“Hmm?”
Barty narrowed his eyes, and Regulus knew that Barty was one of the only people who could see right through him. “You’re irritable. And seem to be in a rush.”
“I’m not in a rush. And I’m not irritable.”
“Your leg is bouncing under the table and you keep tapping that pen.”
Regulus stopped everything he was doing. He hadn’t even realized how obvious he was making his anxieties. He’s had a pit in his stomach since he woke up, and nothing would make it go away. “No I’m not,” he lied. “Now pick a date.”
Barty and Evan exchanged one small glance. “January 17th,” Barty said. “Now that that’s out of the way-”
“No,” Regulus said. He could not voice it out loud, it would just make him more nervous.
Evan smiled. “You’re all fidgety again,” he pointed out.
“Can you guys stop analyzing my body language? Please.”
“You’re nervous,” Evan said.
“But not about our wedding. So, tell me Reggie, what is making you all nervous?” Barty asked, resting his head on one of his hands.
“Nothing.”
“I bet it has to do with James.” For some reason, Regulus has a full body reaction to his name, and he just jerks. He’s been avoiding thinking about him all morning, and it has not been working. “Knew it,” Barty said, leaning back in his chair.
Regulus sighed. “We’re going on a date. Tonight.”
“A date?”
“Yes. And I would appreciate it if we did not talk about it until the very last minute.”
“But we have to find you an outfit. And we know you did not bring anything suitable.”
“I have clothes.”
“Date clothes?” Evan asked, an eyebrow raised.
Regulus has not even thought about what he was going to wear. It doesn’t seem real that they’re actually going on a date. And the coffee shop did not count, despite what James thinks. So this is their first date. Regulus cannot remember the last time he went on an actual date.
“Oh my God. What am I supposed to wear?” he asked. He was surely thinking about it now. He hates his friends for making him think before he had to, because now he was going to be worrying about this all day.
They all stopped at the sound of someone coming up to their table. And it was Sirius, because of course it was.
“Glad I found you,” he said with a grin, taking the last chair and making himself comfortable. “What are you guys up to?”
“Wedding planning,” Regulus said.
“Talking about Regulus’ date,” Barty said at the same time.
Regulus wanted to crawl into the ground and never resurface. He was not going to talk about his date with his brother. Especially not when he would relay absolutely everything to James.
“His date?” Sirius asked with a grin.
“Do not start,” Regulus threatened.
“You know I have to.”
“Literally go away.”
“James is my best friend in the whole entire world,” Sirius said, ignoring Regulus completely.
Regulus cringed. “No. Don’t do the thing.”
“The thing?”
“Yeah. The protective best friend threat kind of thing.”
Sirius pouted. “But I have to. I already did it to James.”
Regulus had barely any time to process that. A part of him was surprised that Sirius felt protective over Regulus in that way, even though he knew that was stupid. Sirius has always been protective, it didn’t matter to him that his best friend was involved. Well, it did, actually, because now Regulus was getting ‘a talk’.
“So, hurt him and I send Remus to hurt you.”
“Remus?”
“Well it would be a conflict of interest if I did it.”
“I volunteer,” Barty said, raising his hand. Regulus kicked him under the table, and then Barty kicked him back and they probably would have kept going if it wasn’t for Evan stopping both of them.
“Terrific. So were we talking about outfits when I walked up?” Sirius asked, settling in and stealing some of the food off of Regulus’ plate. He had hardly touched it while Barty and Evan had managed to finish their plates. Sirius frowned at it and then frowned at Regulus. He nibbled on a piece of bacon to appease him.
“Reggie doesn’t know what to wear,” Barty teased.
“Fuck off.”
Sirius grinned. “Would it help to know what James is wearing?”
And now… Well Regulus never thought about Sirius playing double agent. But yes it would be completely helpful. He just couldn’t quite say that.
“It wouldn’t hurt,” Regulus mumbled.
”Hmm, too bad.”
“Too bad?”
“Yeah, I’m not telling.”
“You are literally the worst brother.”
“I think that title belongs to you, actually.”
“How about we go shopping?” Evan asked, stopping their argument before it could truly begin.
Regulus sighed, resigning himself to thinking that he had no choice. He truly had nothing he could wear, and it was stressing him out more than planning the wedding was. “Yeah, fine.”
***
James was a bundle of nerves in the best possible way. He went to sleep with a smile on his face and he woke up the same way. It was just such a good day.
He ended up sleeping in his own room. Sirius fell asleep sometime around two in the morning and James just slipped out and walked down the hall. He thought about seeing if Regulus was still awake, but he didn’t want to wake him in case he was sleeping.
He woke up at a respectable 11am, and from there he was pacing about his room trying to pick an outfit. Peter and Benjy came to visit him eventually, and James got to gossip about Regulus all over again. He was sure that he was the happiest man in the world at that moment.
“There’s just so many options,” James said, looking at all of the possible combinations of outfits he had laid out on the floor. James’ tour wardrobe translated very well to everyday life, so he really could pick anything. He wondered what Regulus was going to wear, and he thought about texting him and asking before thinking that it might be weird. Regulus was probably not spending this much time stressing about what he was going to wear. In fact, he was probably very busy helping Barty and Evan plan their wedding.
“The carnival?” Peter asked. “Regulus agreed to that?”
James grinned. He himself couldn’t believe it, and he hadn’t even tried to pretend it wasn’t a date. “I know. But he did!”
“I want to go to the carnival,” Peter said, almost pouting at Benjy.
They raised an eyebrow. “Then go.”
James tried to fight a smile as he watched Peter’s expression change to one of shock. “That’s so unromantic.”
Benjy put their arm around Peter, pulling him in and giving him a small kiss on the side of his head. “Would you like to go to the carnival tonight?” they asked.
Peter blushed- which James found ridiculously amusing- and nodded his head. “That’s better. Yes, I would love to.”
“Cannot believe you guys are stealing my date idea,” James said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
“It’s the city carnival. Do you have any idea how many people are going to be on dates there?” Benjy said.
James shrugged. They did have a point. Plus, as much as he hated that he had to think about it, if more of them were there then the less it would look like they were on dates. Sirius and Remus already made plans to go too, and James is pretty sure that Dorcas is dying to go, which means Marlene will go.
The two of them have been shut away in a hotel room basically since Dorcas got off the plane. Really, it was never one without the other now. He hopes Marlene finally asked her to be her girlfriend, but he hasn’t found a moment alone with her to ask.
“Okay. So what do I wear?”
Benjy and Peter were no help. Normally James can count on Peter at least a little bit. He has a simple style but it always looks good. He can’t ask Sirius or Remus because they are all so different with how they prefer to dress. Sirius likes darker clothes with a lot more leather than James has ever been comfortable wearing, and Remus is always in pants and a sweater. Unless they’re on stage, then he wears tank tops and jeans.
He walked down the hall to find the room number Marlene gave him and knocked. The first time he knocked he got absolutely no answer, and he debated turning around altogether and just suffering through Sirius’ fashion advice.
He tried one more time for good measure, and it ended up paying off because Dorcas opened the door in one of the hotel’s robes.
“Potter. Can I help you?” she asked, looking him up and down.
“Marlene is expecting me,” he said in a business-like voice. He felt the need to impress Dorcas, but nothing he did ever seemed to work.
“Is she?”
Marlene appeared next, wrapping an arm around Dorcas’ stomach. “Yeah, Cas. I told you he needed fashion help.”
Dorcas snorted. “Clearly.”
Marlene smiled at him. “Hello James.”
“Hello Marlene.”
“What’s the occasion?”
“Date. First date.” He met Dorcas’ questioning stare and added, “With Regulus. A first date with Regulus.”
“You’re taking Regulus on a date?”
“Yes.”
“And he already agreed to this?”
James nodded. “He did indeed.”
Dorcas didn’t say or do anything for a long moment before walking back in the room and yelling something about her phone.
“Wait here,” Marlene said, shutting the door on him.
James did. He waited maybe about five minutes, scrolling through twitter on his phone and leaning against the wall before the door opened and Dorcas came back out. This time she was dressed and had all of the necessities in her hand; phone, wallet, and ibuprofen.
“I will not hesitate to stab you if I hear bad things about tonight,” she told him.
“You won’t,” James assured her.
“Good.”
Marlene let him in the room finally, and he wished he could say he was surprised about the mess. But Marlene was a messy person, so this was exactly what he expected. There were clothes everywhere, some takeaway containers on the desk, and a bunch of towels on the floor in the bathroom.
As soon as the door shut behind James, Marlene started shaking him and speaking very quickly.
“James! James! Oh my God! Where the hell have you been? I- I have so much to say, and Dorcas is literally the… She’s just fucking fantastic. I am convinced she is the love of my life, but you can’t tell her I said that because she just agreed to be my girlfriend. And we had a very, very long talk about how it would work because we’re long distance and everything. But it isn’t like we’re long distance all year long, and that’s what I told her! And she smiled and got all nervous when I asked! It was so cute. And we have had so much sex. Do you have any idea how much you can get done with twelve hours completely uninterrupted? A lot, James. You can get a lot done.”
James found himself smiling with her, her energy transferring to him. “I bet,” he said. James was just happy that his friend was happy, it was nice to see after such a long time. Really, Marlene was a shell of herself for months after the breakup with Mary, and she’s been slowly coming back to herself even better than before, even before Dorcas.
She let out a happy sigh and bounced onto the bed. “I think I’m in love. Like real, actual love.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Like, all I’ve been able to do is write horribly sappy love songs. I feel like you.”
James smiled. “It’s fun.”
Marlene smiled to herself. “Yeah. Anyway! Outfit trouble?”
He nodded. “I have nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Absolutely nothing. No clothes. Nothing works. It’s maddening.”
“Perfect!”
“Perfect,” James repeated.
Marlene stood up. “Yes, because this means we get to go shopping.” James stood up with her. He misses shopping with Marlene, even if it always takes ages and she drags him into every store they see. “Go find Lily. And Pandora, unless she’s with Regulus now too.”
“Wait, is that where Dorcas went?” James asked.
“Yes.”
“So now Regulus is going to know?”
“Know what?”
“That I’m freaking out,” James said, trying not to think about it too much. He was nervous, but in a good way. This was going to be great.
Marlene laughed. “Oh, yeah for sure. But it’s fine. He is too.”
“He is what? Freaking out?”
She nodded, “Yeah. You should have seen the amount of messages Dorcas had from him.”
And that did make James feel a little bit better actually. They were both nervous, which took off some of the pressure in James’ mind. Plus it meant that Regulus wanted it to go as well as James wanted it to go, and that was a very good sign. There were some stakes in this too. This was their first time actually giving it a try. It was a first date, and there was a lot resting on it.
James went to find Lily. She was indeed with Pandora. Since the both of them had literally just woken up, Pandora had missed wherever Dorcas and Regulus were going and so she tagged along with them instead.
James has not spent a lot of time around Pandora and Lily as a pair, so the first thing he notices is how aesthetically pleasing they are together. Pandora has blonde dreadlocks and a septum piercing, two things that automatically make her the coolest person in any room, and Lily has short bright red hair and piercing green eyes. They just stand out in the best way.
“You’re buying a brand new outfit for a date?” Pandora asked. They were at the mall and Marlene was guiding them to a shop that had caught her eye.
“Yes. I am.”
Pandora looked him up and down. “That’s…cute, I guess.”
James smiled. “Thank you.”
***
“This is the worst thing you guys have made me try on,” Regulus said, stepping out of the dressing room. Somehow, Barty, Evan, Sirius, and Dorcas all ended up tagging along for what was supposed to be a short shopping trip. It has now been almost an hour and he has not been able to find anything.
The outfit they put him in was a pair of the most disgusting yellow pants in the world and a white tank top. It was bad. Horrible, even. Regulus does not look good in yellow.
Sirius was laughing with Barty, and Dorcas was struggling to hide her own smile.
“You guys are the worst,” Regulus said, turning right back around and walking back into the dressing room. This whole thing was pointless and Regulus was never going to find an outfit and they might as well just cancel the whole thing.
Regulus did not want to cancel though, which was also not helping. He actually wanted to spend time with James and walk around a carnival for hours. Everything sounded fun when he added in the fact that James would be there.
Be surrounded by screaming children with James.
Eat nauseating carnival food with James.
Maybe go on a carnival ride and risk death with James.
He sickened himself thinking about how much sway James actually had over him.
There was a knock on the dressing room door.
“Yeah?”
“I found you something,” Dorcas said. Regulus looked up and saw her passing clothes through the top of the door. “Trust me.”
Regulus sighed, but he had no other real option, so he grabbed the clothes. At first glance they weren’t hideous, and that was more than he could say for the yellow pants.
After putting on the clothes Dorcas gave him he spent a lot of time looking in the mirror.
“How’s it look?”
“It’ll do,” Regulus said, deciding that he was now tired of shopping. Plus, the outfit was good. Hopefully it was good enough.