Repercussions
James knew he was not the best at reading social cues and he could tend to be slightly oblivious to the most obvious things. He knew all of this about himself. But still, he thought that after knowing somebody for thirteen years, there wasn’t much they could do that would completely surprise him. James has known Sirius for that much time, and he can safely say that this is the first time James has not understood something he’s done. And Sirius has done a lot of questionable things, sometimes bordering on unforgivable, especially when they were in school. But even then, James knew Sirius.
When he came back after being on the phone with Regulus he was grinning. A true and proper grin that spread all across his face and showed his teeth. That wasn’t the unusual part. Whatever conversation they were having Sirius had found to be hilarious, so when he came back smiling, James wasn’t caught off guard.
No, what surprised him was that Sirius came up to him with the smile still on his face. “Hey, Prongs.”
James- who had been trying to tune his guitar for the past ten minutes but couldn’t because he was distracted- tried not to look confused. “Hi…Padfoot.”
“How are you?”
“I’m fine,” he said slowly, trying to figure out what this was. He was pretty sure Regulus hadn’t put him in that good of a mood. “And yourself?”
“Oh, absolutely splendid. Thank you.” Sirius nodded at him after that and kept walking over to Moony, whispering something in his ear that made Remus blush a bright red. James decided he did not need to know, although Sirius would probably tell him anyway. They had a lot to catch up on.
James wasn’t naive enough to immediately think that everything was fixed between them, but maybe this was Sirius’ way of taking the first step towards mending their friendship. James should have been the one to take the first step, he knew that. But he could also use this to get the momentum he needed to come clean. Things were looking up, in this area at least.
This fact actually made James feel ten times better about the show. He knew he needed to find a time to speak to Sirius and to tell him the truth, but they were just so consistently busy that it was impossible. He didn’t want to ambush him with the conversation either. He could react in a large number of ways and James had to be ready for any of them. He was blindly playing defense.
“James!” Peter said loudly from the drums after they played through a couple of their songs for the soundcheck.
He turned around a bit unsure what he should expect. “Pete?”
“You didn’t sound like shit!” Peter told him with a thumbs up. And really, that was the biggest compliment he could have received right then. James was not used to not being good at his job, and the past week had been horrible for many reasons but this was one thing that had finally gone his way.
“Feeling better?” Sirius asked him, taking his guitar off and setting it to the side. James moved to do the same thing, they were done until the show was supposed to start.
James was still so confused by the attitude shift, but he nodded and smiled anyway. “Yeah, cheers.” Sirius started to walk away after that and James knew this might be his only opportunity to properly talk to him. James’ parents were coming to the show tomorrow, so they would both be too busy then, and he couldn’t see any other time in their schedule where they would both have the time.
“Sirius?”
Sirius stopped and turned, looking at James with a waiting expression, it was scarily patient. James got the feeling that Sirius was only pretending for his sake. But effort was effort.
“Yeah?”
James paused, struggling to think how to word this. “We need to talk,” he said eventually. It sounded dreary and bleak, but it was the only way he could think of formatting it that made any sense.
Sirius smiled at him and now James was officially scared. Obviously they needed to talk, there were clearly issues between them that they needed to work through; no amount of pretending would change that fact.
“No, I don’t think so,” Sirius said.
“You don’t think so?”
Sirius shook his head. “Nope.”
James frowned. They did need to talk, James was telling Sirius that he needed to talk to him. And James was…what? Telling him no? It wasn’t that James couldn’t take no for an answer, it was that he wasn’t used to Sirius being the one to turn him down. Sirius was always trying to get James to talk.
As a last resort he looked at Remus for any clue as to what was going on. There’s no way it was too late. James hadn’t even waited that long. And they’ve been friends for years.
“I disagree,” James said after he got absolutely no information from Remus. He didn’t mean to put him in the middle of all of this.
Sirius finally angled his body towards James, giving him his full attention. The expression on his face was deeply unsettling. He was the picture of calm and was truly trying to act like nothing had happened; as if this past week they have been nothing but perfectly cordial towards each other.
He shook his head. “I don’t think I want to talk yet.”
For a long time when James first met Sirius he would almost never talk about his feelings. He talked all of the time, yes, but never about anything that he was actually going through. Even still he had a hard time. So hearing him put it so bluntly and so simply was also concerning to James, even when he normally would have seen it as progress. Sirius hated leaving things unresolved just as much as James did, it was part of the reason why they were never mad at each other for more than a couple hours max, they both were dying to work it out.
“Oh. Okay. But… Well, are you okay?” James asked, his voice a bit quieter. Remus and Peter had both distanced themselves from the conversation and were chatting with Lily at the front of the stage, sitting with their legs dangling off.
“I’m perfect.”
James didn’t believe him but Sirius walked away too quickly and didn’t turn back when James called his name. That was essentially the first conversation they’ve had in ages and it went horribly, in James’ opinion. Sirius was trying to avoid talking to James, probably more upset than he had originally thought, and James couldn’t blame him.
So he had to let Sirius take the time he needed, and if he didn’t want to talk to James yet, then he needed to accept that. It wasn’t too late and he could still find a way to calmly tell him about Regulus.
———
“Oh, hey guys!” James said, running into Barty and Evan when he was on his way to the bathroom. They were probably on their way to the floor soon since it was almost time to start letting people in for the show. He had hardly seen them recently though, which felt a bit weird after how much time they spent together when Regulus was around. He thought they were friends too, but their absence was proof that they only started hanging around because of Regulus.
They were sitting on the floor of a hallway with a magazine, talking quietly but clearly arguing about something. James tried to get a closer peek at the magazine but was unsuccessful when Barty shut it quickly and hid the cover.
Both of them looked up at James and that was when he realized his mistake.
These were Regulus’ friends, his best friends actually. And James was very likely not in their good books anymore after what happened. Especially if they knew about the phone call that he had earlier, that had gone horribly.
Barty stood up, and while he was shorter than James by a couple of inches, James felt incredibly small.
“Potter.”
He couldn’t handle their stares and he couldn’t handle having all of these people hating him.
“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, unable to stop it. He felt the urge to apologize to everybody, he was sorry for so many things. “But it isn’t what you think and Regulus won’t talk to me and Sirius is acting weird and Remus and Peter are stuck in the middle of everything and Marlene is too in love to help me-”
“Stop talking,” Evan said, standing up next.
James did. He shut his mouth in an attempt to stop the rambling because it really was all about to come out.
“You know we’re on Regulus’ side, right?” Barty asked, speaking to James as if he were stupid. That was fair, he doesn’t know why he just started talking when he knew these were probably the most biased people he could have tried to explain himself to. But he needed a way to get to Regulus, and they were his only option at this point.
“Yes, but-”
“No, that’s all there is to it,” Evan interrupted. “We don’t care about your side.”
James understood where they were coming from, he really did. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t incredibly frustrated about everything.
“Can you ask him to call me, at least?”
Barty raised an eyebrow, letting the magazine drop slightly and giving James a view of what it was. It was a wedding magazine.
“No.”
“Are you guys getting married?” James asked. If he could keep them here and keep them talking, maybe they would start to feel for him and help him out a little bit. James knew that the Black’s were stubborn, but he was still wholly unprepared for how difficult this was.
Barty sighed. “We’re not doing this.”
“Why not?”
“We’re not friends.”
James frowned. “Yes, we are.” He was pretty sure they were friends, and he actually liked Barty and Evan. They were a bit unconventional at times, but they were hilarious.
“We can’t help you,” Evan told him, taking the magazine back from Barty.
“Please? All I need is like five minutes to explain-”
“Rosier? Crouch?” All three of them turned to see Gideon at the other end of the hallway, swiveling his head back and forth until he found them. “Idiots, it’s time to actually do your job,” he said with a snort before disappearing again.
Evan left first, not sparing James another glance. Barty was about to do the same but he looked back at James. “Fix this, Potter.” He didn’t explicitly say it, but there was a threat there. James nodded. He had every intention of fixing things, actually. If Regulus wouldn’t talk to him on the phone, then he would just have to wait until he visited.
Things were always easier in person anyway.
***
Pandora came over the day after their dinner, finding Regulus still asleep on the couch and rather abruptly waking him up. She was angry; Regulus could tell that much the moment he opened his eyes.
He just had the worst sleep of his life and now his neck was sore from sleeping on the couch and his eyes were watery from the lack of sleep he got. His flat was a disaster still too, and Regulus still hadn’t showered.
And Pandora was angry at him. Which meant she knew. Regulus was hoping he would at least be the one to tell her. He couldn’t even be mad at Edgar. What Regulus did was rude and mean and it was everything he knew how to be.
“Hey,” he said weakly, his voice a bit rough. That wasn’t from lack of sleep, that was from when Regulus let Edgar fuck his mouth and pretended it was James. Yeah, he deserved every bad thing that was about to come his way for this. Whether it was real or not, Pandora was here to deliver a lot of bad karma.
“Hey? Regulus, what the fuck?” Pandora asked, moving his legs and sitting down next to him on the couch. Regulus moved to sit up, not liking the way his legs were dangling off the couch.
He rubbed his eyes. “I know.”
“You know? Reg, I told you he liked you. Explicitly.”
“I know.”
“And then you shag him and kick him out?”
“I know,” Regulus repeated. Because he did know. He knew what it was like to feel used and he knew it was not a good feeling. Everyone had been using him in one way or another for years, and he had done it back sometimes to get what he wanted. Regulus was not a good person, but sometimes he wished he was.
Pandora took a shaky, deep breath, trying not to explode, most likely. She had every right to be mad. “You look terrible.”
“I know.”
She rolled her eyes and started pushing him off the couch. “Go shower. Then I’ll yell at you. I mean, you look pitiful.”
He shrugged, slowly making his way towards his bathroom. He hadn’t even bothered to put his clothes back on last night and was only in his underwear. He looked in the mirror. His hair was a mess and his eyes were literally drooping. He looked like he spent the whole night crying and he wasn’t even sure if he did or not.
Guessing simply based on how much light had been in his living room, Regulus guessed it was somewhere close to noon. Still, he felt like he got no sleep whatsoever and had to fight to stay awake while he showered. He was going to have to call Edgar and apologize, at the very least Pandora was going to make him, and he should do that sooner rather than later. Still, he was dreading it.
When he came back out after putting on fresh clothes, Pandora had cleaned his entire flat and was drying the last of the dishes. She tended to clean when she was stressed, and he imagined this situation wasn’t great for her. She was closer to Edgar than Regulus originally thought, and now she was sort of stuck in the middle.
She turned around when she heard him come in. She had rolled the sleeves up on her shirt but some water was splashed on the front of it.
“You didn’t have to do that,” he told her. He was an adult fully capable of cleaning up after himself.
“You’re an asshole,” Pandora said, stepping away from the dishes.
Oh, they were doing this now then.
“Pandora-”
“No, I really don’t want to hear it. I mean, you used him. Do you know what he told me?”
Regulus really did not want to know. He was pretty sure his brain had blocked out everything that happened because he could barely remember. “What?” he asked, going to brew a pot of coffee.
Pandora groaned, frustrated. Regulus wasn’t trying to act nonchalant, he was just so tired and he had a headache and really needed coffee. “You moaned someone else’s name.”
Regulus froze. He didn’t. There’s no way that…
He genuinely could not remember many of the details, but he was almost certain that he would never…
“No,” Regulus said, refusing to believe it. It was enough to imagine Edgar was James, it was another to completely call him the wrong name. He shook his head. “I didn’t. I wouldn’t.”
“You did.”
“I-”
“He doesn’t even look like James! You used him. I mean, he’s my friend, Regulus. What were you thinking?”
Regulus didn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what he was thinking; he just acted. He always thought before he did something, and the one time he doesn’t it turns out like this.
“I’m sorry.”
“I am not the one you need to be apologizing to.”
Regulus took a deep breath. He has no idea what has gotten into him recently, he keeps wanting to cry and he keeps actually feeling things and he doesn’t know what to do with any of it. Crying right now would not be a good idea, Pandora would think he was trying to manipulate her even though he knows better than to try and get one up on her.
“I know.”
Her eyes seemed to soften a little bit, like she had said everything she came to say. He would apologize to Edgar, even if he didn’t want to ever speak to him again.
She opened her arms; very obviously signaling that she wanted him to give her a hug. He did, a very brief one, but still. Physical affection was more important for her than it was for Regulus, but even he could admit he was a bit relieved to know that he hadn’t lost Pandora over this.
“I’m sorry,” he told her again. “I didn’t mean to, you know?”
“What even happened?”
Regulus did not want to tell her about the phone call. She would be mad at him for even taking it and then even more mad that he hadn’t told her about it. But she was going to find out eventually.
So, he busied himself with the coffee machine while he told her. It was easier when he didn’t have to look at her eyes. “James called.”
Pandora was silent for a moment and when Regulus finally gathered the courage to face her, she was shooting daggers at him with her eyes. “And you answered?”
He deflated. “Pandora-”
“No, I’m actually asking. Evan texted me. James is still trying to get in contact with you.”
Regulus knew that, actually. James had called him two more times since their phone call. Regulus was very close to blocking him. Couldn’t he just leave well enough alone? But Regulus didn’t know that he was now asking his friends for help. He knew they would never, those two have insane and unwavering loyalty that bordered on concerning.
“I answered. He apologized, says he regretted it. And that was it.”
“Well he clearly has more to say.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
Pandora nodded and Regulus appreciated more than he ever thought was possible. She was one of the only people who would tell him how it was. She was always honest with him and she offered her opinion whether he wanted it or not. But she was also very understanding. Dorcas joked about her being an empath; Regulus would not be surprised if it turned out to be true.
“Okay. Here’s the plan then. You’re going to call Edgar and apologize. I mean it, be so fucking sincere.”
“I know, I will be.”
She smiled. “I’ll start setting up a movie.”
———
Regulus was not used to apologizing so much, but apparently he was just a completely different person that day. He called Edgar and was not surprised when he was being rude and short with Regulus, it was the least he deserved, especially if he really did call him James. He wanted to believe it wasn’t true, but Regulus couldn’t even confidently say it didn’t happen.
Edgar did eventually sort of forgive him and then quite bluntly told Regulus he was not a very good person for doing that to him. Regulus explained the whole thing and it did not turn out in his favor, but he already knew that and frankly did not care about his opinion of him.
Then he sat on the couch, bundled in his favorite blanket and eating popcorn with Pandora. Well, he ate most of the popcorn. She was being pressured to lose weight for the ballet and it was clearly starting to get to her. Regulus didn’t know what to do in situations like these. He’s gone through the whole thing and the only option that ballet dancers have is to either lose weight or be okay with getting fired. Ballet was all about aesthetics, nobody cared about the actual dancers.
She chose The Labyrinth as their movie, which she knew was one of Regulus’ favorites. He was pretty sure the only reason he liked it so much was because it was the movie Sirius played whenever he got the chance, and he only played it because of David Bowie. Still, it was a comfort thing for him, just like the blanket and the popcorn and the hot chocolate.
“You really liked him, huh?”
Regulus snorted, bringing the mug to his mouth and taking a sip. It finally cooled to the point where it didn’t burn him everytime he drank it.
She was talking about James, he didn’t need any sort of clarification. Regulus had just sort of hid the way he felt for as long as he could. He wasn’t even honest with himself about it. And then it sort of hit him all at once, not giving him any chance to get used to the fact that he really was quite into James. It was the worst; Regulus could hardly remember the last time he felt this was about someone.
But Regulus had never stood a chance with James. He was a bit of an idiot, but he wasn’t and Regulus knew that too. James was smarter than most people gave him credit for and when he spoke to Regulus it was like they were the only two people in the room. He had a way of making people feel special and Regulus fell for it because how could he not. James was everything bright and warm; Regulus had been cold for so long that he let himself get closer.
Regulus having feelings for James was inevitable. Ultimately though, they were not inevitable.
“Yes,” he said, compressing everything into one tiny word.
Pandora rested her head on his shoulder and Regulus let her. He didn’t deserve to be comforted, but he couldn’t help himself.
“I hate him.”
“It’ll get better,” she told him.
Regulus wanted to believe her; he wasn’t so sure he could.
***
James was convinced he was going insane. Nothing was making any sense.
“You don’t want to come with me?” James asked again, trying to figure out if Sirius was being serious, essentially.
His parents were flying in and Sirius was saying he didn’t want to go to the airport to pick them up. James was going to, obviously. Never mind the amount of things he had to do, like trying to find a loophole out of their contract and also sit down and talk to his best friend. His parents were the priority while they were here.
He had been hoping to fix whatever this was with Sirius before they got here. There was not a doubt in his mind that his mum was going to be able to tell they weren’t the same as normal, and she would get involved.
Sirius barely even looked at him. He kept flipping between hot and cold the past couple of James. Smiling at James one minute and being civil to ignoring him the next. Apparently this was a ‘let’s ignore James’ kind of day.
But still. Effie and Monty were Sirius’ parents as much as they were James’. He had to go to pick them up, it wouldn’t be right if they weren’t both there.
“No, I don’t.”
Peter was sitting opposite Sirius and clearly trying to not pay attention to their conversation. It was impossible though, they were all in the same room and they weren’t exactly trying to keep quiet. In fact, James was quite done with this whole thing. He could apologize to Peter for doing this while he was in the room, but he was at his wits end.
“What the fuck is your problem?” James asked, finally exploding. It’s been days of this, and while James knew he had started it, he was also actively trying to fix things. It was proving to be impossible because Sirius was the most stubborn person he had ever met, but he was trying.
Sirius clenched his jaw, a smile coming on his face before vanishing. He set down his phone and gave James a very strong look. “My problem?” he asked, his voice raising just like James’ did.
“Yes! I’ve been trying to talk to you for days-”
“I don’t want to talk to you, James! Ever think of that?” Sirius said, standing up so they were level.
“Crossed my mind, yeah,” James mumbled. He wasn’t backing down though, they needed to get to the bottom of this and James needed to figure out what it was that made him switch like this.
Sirius gave him an obviously fake smile. “Glad to see your brain is still in tact.”
James took a deep breath. “Sirius, what the fuck are you doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean.”
Sirius loved to play dumb, especially in an argument and especially when he thought he was right. James was here to tell him he was wrong.
He shrugged. “Pretend I don’t. Tell me what I’ve been doing.”
James was just about to when the door to the bus opened and in walked Remus. He was out with Ava, acting like a couple for the cameras and letting everyone know she was going to be supporting him at the show tonight. James knew he hated doing it, and he was always exhausted when he came back after having to play pretend for so long. He liked Ava, but he was still putting on a show.
But he seemed to freeze when he saw James and Sirius. And Peter, who had been trying to fold himself into the wall and cease to exist.
“What’s going on?” he asked casually.
Sirius beamed at him, anger still behind his eyes though. “Moony! Here for the show? James here was just about to tell me what it is that I’ve been doing to upset him so much.”
Remus looked at James and there was a warning behind his eyes. It was far too late for James to hear it though, he was angry and he was in this. If he and Sirius needed to yell at each other a little bit then so be it. Really, somebody needed to put Sirius in his place every once in a while, and he has simply been ridiculous lately.
“Prongs-”
“No,” Sirius said, interrupting Remus. “I want to hear it.” He gestured to James as a way to tell him he could keep going.
“Okay, fine. For starters, you’ve been an asshole recently,” James said, listing it off on his finger. Sirius was still just smiling as if he thought he had the upper hand. He didn’t.
“Have I?”
“Yes! And you keep flipping between being scarily sweet to completely ignoring me!”
Sirius frowned and pretended he had no idea what James was talking about. “Me? Have I been doing that?”
“Yes!” James said loudly, throwing his hands up, really quite frustrated with all of this.
“Hmm, I hadn’t noticed.”
“Stop that,” James said, pointing at him. He had never hit Sirius before, excluding the play fights they had in secondary school, but he was dangerously close to thinking Sirius deserved a punch to the face. James probably deserved one too for all of the secrets he was still keeping, but he kept trying to tell him and Sirius wasn’t letting him.
“Stop what?”
He clenched his fists. “That! Stop pretending to be stupid.”
“Aww, you think I’m smart?” He looked past James to look at Remus. “Hear that Moony? James thinks I’m smart.”
“Prongs, I really don’t think now is the best time-”
“Moony, shh. Let the man speak.”
“Why are you acting like this?” James asked, searching for any explanation. He hated not knowing Sirius, but this really was so confusing for him. Never, in all of the years, has Sirius acted like this towards James.
“Specifically?”
“Why are you treating me like I’m not your best friend? I mean, I’m your brother, Sirius. What the fuck is going on? And why won’t you just talk to me? I’ve been trying to get you to have a conversation with me for weeks!”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “I told you I didn’t want to talk to you.”
“Why not?”
“Because I have nothing to say.”
“I do!”
“I don’t care, quite honestly.”
James bit his tongue in an effort to think before he spoke. Sirius was being very calculated, and he wasn't exploding in anger like he normally did when he was mad. Which meant everything he was doing was intentional.
“Literally what did I do? I mean yeah, I know I wasn’t myself and I was acting weird and that is what I am trying to talk to you about! But I didn’t think it was so unforgivable that I yelled at you.”
Sirius blinked, eyes widening in shock a little bit. James pleaded that he would just tell him what was going on. “You told me you didn’t want to talk about it first,” Sirius reminded him. Which was true, yes. And that was what he said when he accidentally yelled at Sirius, but that was almost two weeks ago.
“Then! I didn’t want to talk about it then,” James said.
“Well I don’t want to talk about it now.”
“Why?”
“Because we have nothing to talk about. There is nothing I have to say to you.”
“I have things I need to say though.”
Sirius didn’t respond for a moment, and he looked James over. “Alright, let’s hear it then.”
This was the moment where James was supposed to tell him everything that happened, he knew that. And still, he froze. He spent so long trying to get Sirius to talk to him that he didn’t know what to say now that he actually had the opportunity.
So, he figured he could ease into it. “I kissed someone.” Sirius didn’t show any expression and James isn’t sure whether he expected him to or not. “Do you remember that guy I was telling you about?”
“Yes.”
James nodded, feeling suddenly quite nervous. “Right, well it was him.”
“Right.” James pressed his lips together. “And then what happened?” Sirius asked. James was too nervous to even think about why Sirius was asking him questions.
“Well, then I sort of ran out of the room,” he said, still quite ashamed about it.
Sirius hummed, but he was not looking any more sympathetic towards James. “And when was this?”
James had to think back a little. “Umm, the award show. Like two weeks ago.”
Sirius nodded. “Right, okay. And then after you made out with my brother did you tell Peter or Remus first?”
James shrugged. “Peter. But…”
Oh.
Oh fuck.
Sirius knows.
Sirius knew.
As in, Sirius knew previously to this conversation.
James felt his stomach literally drop as Sirius remained stoic. Oh. That was why he thought he had the stronger hand, because he did.
Sirius knows. James didn’t tell him and Sirius knows.
Fuck.
“Sirius-”
“No, I think that’s quite enough from you.”
James did not know what to do. Everything started to piece together. Sirius’ behavior, his reluctance to have this conversation, literally everything. James felt horrible.
His brain was scrambling, but it was too late. Sirius had already left the bus. Remus looked like he wanted to say something and James prayed that he would. Was Remus the one that told him? Was it Peter?
“Moony?” James asked, feeling his heart break. Sirius was furious with James and he didn’t know how to fix it.
Remus sighed. “Regulus told him.”
“Regulus?”
“Yes. But you need to fix this, okay? He’s been miserable.”
James nodded. “Yeah, no, I know.”
Remus followed Sirius out of the bus after that and James sat down across from Peter. Peter reached over and put his hand over James’.
“Everything’s gonna be fine, Prongs,” Peter said, trying to assure him. At this point he really wasn’t sure if that was true, everything seemed to be doing the opposite of working out.
And why did Regulus tell him? He hadn’t even considered that to be a variable, which might have been his own naivety. Sirius and Regulus were closer these days, so maybe he should have expected it. Still, it was almost worse that Regulus was the one to tell him when he doesn’t even know the whole story. Regulus thinks he regrets it, and the only thing he regrets is leaving. There isn’t a bone in his body that regrets kissing Regulus.
***
The first time Regulus called Marlene, she simply did not pick up. The second time she answered right away and quite bluntly declared that she was on James’ side and would not be getting involved, and then she hung up the phone.
He didn’t even want to call her a third time but Dorcas kept glaring at him.
“It’s not my fault your girlfriend is impossible,” Regulus mumbled.
Dorcas frowned. “She’s lovely. And she’s not my girlfriend.”
“She’s not?” Regulus thought that they were official already and was surprised to find they were not. Dorcas had technically never confirmed anything, but she talks around things all the time and Regulus was used to making assumptions.
“We’re taking it slow. Now call her again.”
“Cas,” Regulus said, ready to say no.
“She asked explicitly a couple of weeks ago. Just tell her you’ll do it.”
Regulus didn’t have anything against Marlene, not generally. But sometimes she was impossible to talk to, her mind was always elsewhere and he really didn’t understand how Dorcas did it.
“She hung up on me.”
Dorcas smiled fondly. “Yeah, she does that. Call her back, she’s expecting it.”
Regulus sighed and dialed her number again. He didn’t much like trying to phone people who hang up on him, it was usually a pretty clear sign that they didn’t want to talk to you, and Regulus didn’t like to be where he wasn’t answered.
Marlene did answer though. “Hello, Regulus. How are you?” she asked as if she hadn’t just hung up on him.
“Fine.”
Dorcas gave him a look. She was essentially there to mediate. Regulus was sort of explosive recently, and he kept making very bad decisions. This was Dorcas’ condition if he wanted Marlene’s phone number. He was quickly regretting this decision as well.
With a grimace, “How are you?”
This, unsurprisingly, sent Marlene into a long speech about how the past couple of days have been for her and how Barty and Evan kept glaring at her as if this was any of her fault. “I mean, I understand them ignoring James, but it’s just mean to ignore me. I didn’t even do anything!”
Regulus found himself smiling a little bit. He was mad at both Barty and Evan for giving James shit and had repeatedly asked them not to. He wasn’t surprised to find out they hadn’t listened to him at all. “Guilty by association,” Regulus told her. He almost hadn’t called her because he knew she was friends with James.
Marlene sighed deeply. “Yeah, I know. But… well if me and Dorcas can stay out of it-”
“Dorcas hasn’t stayed out of it,” Regulus said. That had apparently been the wrong thing to say because Dorcas started making a bunch of frantic movements.
“She what?”
Regulus, because he liked to cause trouble and was dying for somebody other than him to have drama, kept it going a little bit. “She’s here every day cursing his name, essentially.”
“What!?”
“Yeah, and-” Dorcas came and practically ripped his phone out of his hand. “Hey!”
“Just because you ruined your relationship does not mean you can ruin mine,” she said, putting the phone to her ear and trying to cover up what Regulus said. It was true though, Dorcas was a big fan of hating on James, she and Pandora did it all the time, especially when one of his posts came up on Instagram. He tried to tell them that James wasn’t the one actually posting the pictures, but they didn’t seem to care.
“It wasn’t even a relationship,” Regulus mumbled, slinking back into the couch a little bit.
Dorcas snorted. “My point.”
They had gotten to the point where they felt fine teasing Regulus about it. He was at least acting like it didn’t hurt anymore, especially since he would actually have to see James again in just a couple of days. It was easier if he acted like he was unaffected so that he was well prepared for when he actually had to see him.
Regulus flipped her off and waited impatiently while Dorcas tried to smooth things over. He literally only had a quick and simple question to ask her and then they could have phone sex literally all they wanted.
“Dorcas?”
She sighed and handed the phone back, not before making multiple threats that Regulus only half listened to. He really just needed to get straight to the point or he was going to have to be on the phone literally forever.
“Remember the song?”
“What song?”
“The one I helped with,” Regulus said. What other song would he be referring to?
“Oh, yeah. What about it?”
“Have you recorded it yet?”
Marlene laughed. “Where would I find the time? Or anybody who could play?” Her band only seemed to be able to play the more modern instruments, which was fine, but Regulus wrote the score to have a more classical feel to it.
“I want to produce it,” Regulus told her simply. “And I can play.”
Marlene didn’t answer for a moment, which Regulus understood. He had hardly spoken to Marlene since he wrote the score, and he was sort of just calling her out of the blue and all but demanding that he get to be the one to produce it. Regulus would have wanted to anyway, he wasn’t sure anyone else could do it in the right way, or at least not in the way he thought it should be done. And he had- at some point- found a connection with the song.
He was afraid that if it was in anyone else’s hands then they would mess it up.
Maybe it was his control issues or maybe Regulus just really liked the song, but he was the only one who knew how it was supposed to sound.
“Really?” Marlene asked.
Dorcas had taken to biting her nail anxiously at the lack of communication at the moment.
“Yes.”
And just like that Marlene erupted into giggles and excited screams on the other end of the line. He hadn’t realized how much she actually wanted his help. “Oh my God! Regulus please tell me this isn’t a joke, I'm literally going to orgasm!”
“Not a joke.”
She yelped again. “Okay, okay. When? I mean… You’re coming to Chicago, right?”
“Yes. But that’s hardly enough time to book a space and rent the instruments…”
“No, it’s more than enough time,” Marlene promised him. “Can you come a day early? We’re staying in Chicago for a night before.”
“That’s in two days,” Regulus told her.
“Exactly! More than enough time, right?”
Dorcas was silently begging him for an update, dying to know what was going on.
Regulus thought about it, and if he started now then he could probably get everything sorted out. And he was sort of dying to get his hands on some music. Ever since he got the idea it was all he could think about. He used to love mixing music in secondary school, back when he actually had time. He had never really told anyone about it, Sirius would have asked for his help with his music and, at the time, Regulus was simply not willing to help him with that.
“Yeah, I can make it work,” he said after just a couple of seconds thinking about it.
Marlene started making kissing noises into the phone. “Regulus Black you are a vision and the most perfect person in the world. We are having a passionate make out as soon as you land, Potter be damned.”
“I’ll be sure to tell Dorcas about it,” Regulus mused with a smile.
Marlene laughed. “Think she’ll get jealous?”
Regulus looked at her, actually amused when she was clearly trying to figure out what was going on. He was actually starting to think he could form a friendship with Marlene, he found he liked her a lot more than he originally thought.
“Oh, absolutely.”
“That’s so hot.”
“I’m hanging up now,” Regulus said.
“Okay! Bye Regulus! Love you!”
“Bye.”
“Say it back.”
“Goodbye, Marlene,” he said. He couldn’t remember the last time he told anyone he loved them, and Marlene wasn’t going to be the first.
She sighed dramatically. “Goodbye babes.”
Regulus hung up the phone and got off the couch. Dorcas followed him, shamelessly asking for updates and why they were saying her name, etc. Regulus did not answer her at first, pretending he simply couldn’t hear her.
“Regulus Black I will call James and force you to talk to him,” she threatened.
He gave her a very unimpressed look. She couldn’t force him to speak and she also could not force him to listen. “No, you won’t,” Regulus said because he knew Dorcas wouldn’t do that to him.
“Okay, I won’t. But you should tell me anyway because I’m such a good friend to you.”
“I’m going a day early to record the song. Also me and Marlene are going to make out.”
Dorcas frowned, not sure which piece of information to process first. “You are a gay man and she is a lesbian woman.”
Regulus smiled. “Perfect match, don’t you think?”
“You’re insane.”
He shrugged and grabbed a bottle of water out of his fridge. He was trying to find the nicest way to kick Dorcas out of his flat without arousing suspicion. He had something to do though that he had kept a secret on purpose. His friends would just try and talk him out of it and he could tell them about it later. No harm no foul.
“So, any plans today?” he asked, trying to be as casual as possible. The issue was, Regulus never asked this and the words sounded very unnatural coming out of his mouth. Dorcas noticed this too, unfortunately.
“What?”
Regulus shrugged in an attempt to play it off. “I can’t inquire about your day?”
Dorcas crossed her arms over her chest. “May I inquire about yours?”
“No.”
“Well then.”
“We’re at an impasse it seems.”
“Regulus.”
He fought the urge to roll his eyes. “I am meeting somebody in a couple of hours.”
“Who?”
“I’ll tell you after.”
Dorcas didn’t seem convinced, but she also seemed to understand that Regulus didn’t want to talk about it yet. “Okay, I’ll leave. Probably call Marlene and tell her she’s pretty.”
“You disgust me.”
“You’re jealous.”
“I’m not.”
Dorcas started walking out of his flat, waving goodbye and laughing, still saying that she was right.
Regulus was a little bit jealous, not that he would ever admit it. They were open with each other and they were open about being absolutely besotted with each other. Regulus knew he could never do that; he has never been confident in his feelings or expressing them.
And… Well he thought that James might have been able to teach him, but that had been simple naïveté on his part.
Regulus got ready for his late lunch after Dorcas left. It wasn’t for a couple more hours, but honestly Regulus’ stomach was churning with anxiety and couldn’t do anything except sit on his couch and stare mindlessly at the tv. He had no idea what he was watching or what was even happening, his gaze shifting to the clock every couple of seconds to see if it had moved. It was moving agonizingly slow and also agonizingly fast.
He wanted this over with and he wanted it to never happen.
If it were simple, Regulus would have chosen to never see Walburga again. Alas, things were not simple and she hadn’t given him much choice.
Regulus kept watching the clock until it was time to go.
***
To his credit, James did not cry the entire way to the airport. He didn’t want to make the driver feel awkward, which was his main motivation for keeping it together.
The moment he saw his parents though it was all over. They stepped out with big smiles on their faces, excited to see their son, and James broke before they even reached him, tears streaming down his face.
Effie noticed first and crossed the distance sooner, pulling James in for a hug without a second thought. His dad joined in the hug too but James was too busy sniffling to really notice or pay attention.
He hadn’t realized how much he missed his parents. He knew he missed them, he was used to them being just a couple of kilometers away from his flat and while he was touring they were on the other side of the world. But he forgot how much simple comfort they bring him just by being there.
“Hi, honey,” Effie said, rubbing circles on his back. She used to do it a lot when James was younger but it still had the same effect. “Is everything okay?”
James couldn’t even muster the effort to tell her that everything indeed was not okay, so he just cried a bit harder, staying there for what seemed like hours trying to stop. He didn’t mean to do this right away, he wanted to take his parents to a nice lunch and tell them about how the tour has been so far, carefully avoiding any topics that had to do with Regulus and Sirius.
That was no longer an option.
Once James stopped crying and the three of them did go to a local restaurant. There were maybe ten minutes of idle, mindless conversation before Effie all but demanded to know what was going on. It was obvious to her that James’ breakdown wasn’t just because he missed them dearly, although that was a part of it.
So he told them everything, all of the things he had meant to tell Sirius and everything that was going on with Regulus, even the parts that made James sound bad. The story he told was all over the place, he kept forgetting parts and having to go back and retell it. His parents listened without interruption, they were always good at letting James get out exactly what he needed to say. It was a technique he learned and used on Sirius when he first moved in. Sirius never spoke about what he was feeling, but once James started giving him the space to simply say whatever he wanted, everything came flooding out.
After he got everything out, he waited.
Monty cleared his throat. “I liked Regulus,” he commented, and James forgot they met him a couple of weeks ago.
“You did?” James asked a bit eagerly. Despite everything he still wanted his parents to like Regulus.
“Yes. He’s…charming,” Monty said, choosing his words carefully.
James smiled a little bit. Regulus wasn’t charming because he had no interest in being so. But he did have a way of making you like him. He could say he was mean all he wanted, James had never believed it was true.
“Isn’t he?” James said, his spirits lifted just slightly. He still wished Sirius was here, even though James understood why he wasn’t. He wished Regulus were here too, especially after finding out his parents approved. Or, well they liked him at least, and that was more than enough for James.
Effie coughed as an attempt to get their attention, and James could tell from the look on her face that she was done playing games. She always told James when he was in the wrong, and he anticipated this conversation from kilometers away.
“I think you need to have a conversation with Sirius.”
James sighed. “Mum, he won’t talk to me.”
“He will.”
“He won’t,” he said. James was sure of it. Sirius wanted nothing to do with him and James couldn’t even be mad about it.
Effie shook her head. “I will make sure of it.”
Sirius could never say so no to Effie, he would never even think about it actually. James was counting on it now, somehow even more grateful that his parents were here. He almost wanted to ask them to come to Chicago as well and make Regulus talk to him. He wasn’t sure he could do it by himself, but perhaps Regulus felt a similar connection to James’ parents that Sirius did.
James could hardly stomach his lunch, even with his mother’s promise. It was hard for him to focus knowing that his brother hated him, and he could practically see the disappointment on his mum’s face. She wouldn’t come out and say it, but James knew she didn’t agree with his actions. Even he didn’t agree with his actions. He hated letting down the people he loved most, it certainly was not a good feeling.
“Do you love him?” Effie asked as they started their walk to the venue. James had to be there for soundcheck and the other guys were already there.
“Yeah, he’s Sirius,” James said, thinking that’s who she was talking about. It didn’t matter how mad they were at each other, it didn’t change the fact that they were brothers. There was nobody that James knew better than he knew Sirius, and James simply couldn’t imagine a life without him. It seems so miserable, these past two weeks James has actually been miserable, slightly dependent on Sirius for things like happiness and stability.
People could joke about how co-dependent they were all they wanted, James was certain that Sirius was his soulmate in all of the ways that mattered.
“I was talking about Regulus, actually.”
Oh.
“Oh.”
James has grown up surrounded by love. He has seen his parents be grossly in love since he was born, and they have always loved him unconditionally. And James does love people, his friends and his parents. And James finds that he falls a bit in love with every person who has ever affected him. But romantic love was a different thing in his mind, they were separate and James did not know what romantic love felt like.
“I don’t know. I think I could be, I think… I think I will be, if he lets me,” James said. It scared him how easy he said it, how simple the idea of loving Regulus seemed when in reality it wouldn’t be. Regulus wouldn’t let him either, although James tended to do the opposite of what he was supposed to.
“I think that’s lovely,” Monty said as they approached the tour bus. They wanted to see inside of it and James promised to show them. They still had a little while before soundcheck, so now was the best time he could think of.
As soon as they stepped on the bus though, James realized they were not alone.
Sirius was sitting with his legs on the table, his jaw clenched as he spoke on the phone. They all stopped in their tracks, taking in how tense he was. This was something different than his anger with James, something entirely separate that was angering Sirius more than anything James has ever done.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” he asked, not paying attention to his company but knowing they were there.
“Pads?” James asked.
Sirius looked up, his eyes were red and it seemed like he had been rubbing at them. He kept running his fingers through his hair. “Regulus is being a fucking idiot.”
***
His mother was already seated when Regulus arrived. Unsurprisingly she chose the most expensive tea house in London, as if they were only meeting for tea. He regretted making this meeting, but he knew it was necessary. He wouldn’t let his mother fuck him over any more than she already had.
He almost didn’t walk inside, seeing his mother through the window. She had the audacity to be dressed as a widow, as if she ever cared about Orion, as if she was even mourning. She got everything she wanted out of his death and hadn’t bothered to tell her sons that their father had died.
It was that thought that propelled him forward and through the doors. The receptionist gave him a smile, ready to greet him. He wasn’t in the mood to be kind, so he said nothing and resolved to tip her well before he left.
Walburga set down her teacup when she saw Regulus arriving, standing up to greet him.
He was not going to follow all of the proper rules about high society, and he sat down when she tried to shake his hand or kiss him on the cheek. She could pretend all she wanted, but she was nothing but a regular citizen these days. If she were smart then she would have saved the small fortune that Regulus had sent her over time, but he knew his mother too well, and the clothes she was wearing were brand new and expensive. He had no doubt that funds were running out soon.
“Do you have it?” he asked, waiting until she sat back down.
Sirius was going to kill him for this, Regulus realized a bit belatedly. He preferred that they had nothing to do with Walburga, and for good reason. But he had the right to go after what belonged to him, and he knew Orion would have written him into the will before he wrote Walburga. They never much liked each other, and Regulus was always his favorite.
Walburga offered him a fake smile, and Regulus could tell what she was doing. She was trying to pretend like they were fine, like she loved Regulus and always had. She wanted him to pity her, and he did, just not in the way she was hoping for.
“Wouldn’t you like some tea first?” she asked, already calling over a waitress. She looked absolutely frightened of Regulus’ mother.
He hoped this meeting would teach her a lesson, he just needed to go through with his plan. So long as he sticks to the plan, everything will be fine.