“C'mon Sirius baby, wake up.” Remus whispered softly, Sirius stirred, but just buried himself deeper to Remus' side. He knew Sirius didn't want to get up, probably didn't have the energy to do anything today, but they had a couple of tests today they needed to go to.
“I don't want to.” Sirius mumbled, sniffling a bit. Remus started to card his fingers through Sirius' tangled curls, hoping he wouldn't start to cry because it was almost impossible to say no to.
“I know, I know. But I promise as soon as we're done with our classes, we'll come up here and cuddle, yeah?” He felt Sirius nod against him, and he kissed the boy's hair. “Let's get up then.” He said, getting himself up and pulling Sirius with himself.
“How are we feeling today?” He asked, leading him to the bathroom.
“I don't know, sleepy?” He said, taking his toothbrush and looking down to the floor, already feeling like it's not going to be a great day.
"'kay, something else?” Sirius shrugged, glancing up at Remus, before looking back down to the floor. “It's alright, want me to do your hair? Maybe braids or a ponytail or a bun?”
Sirius nodded shyly, he liked when Remus did his hair. “Ponytail?” He asked, knowing he wouldn't get a straight answer from Sirius. Sirius shook his head.
“Braids?” He asked, probably knowing that it was what Sirius wanted. And he was right, after a moment Sirius modded, glancing up at him and finishing brushing his teeth.
“Sit down for me.” He said, and Sirius did as told. “Thank you baby.” Remus smiled, gently starting to brush through Sirius' tangled hair from the night.
He talked to Sirius as he started to make the braids. About nothing important really, he just talked because it made Sirius calm down and not to think about the stuff that was constantly in his mind.
“All done.” He whispered, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and kissing his cheek. He started to brush his teeth as Sirius got up, running his hand down the braids, giving a small smile to Remus.
“Thank you, moons.” He said, before walking out of the room, going to find his uniform. He was trying to tie his tie when Remus walked out of the bathroom. He finally got it tied as Remus dressed up, he left it loose like he did every morning, just because.
“Let's head to breakfast then, right?” He asked, swinging his bag over his shoulder. Sirius glanced at James, who had just got out of bed and was about to throw a pillow at Peter.
“Shouldn't we-.”
“I think they'll be fine on their own, for this once.” Remus grinned, handing Sirius his bag and taking his hand. Knowing it'll take longer to eat with Sirius, that's why he always woke him up earlier, so he'd have time to get ready at his own pace and didn't have to get stressed and anxious over it.
When they sat down in the great hall, Sirius let go of remus' hand and started to play with his fingers. “What do you want, angel?” He whispered softly, but Sirius just shook his head, already holding back tears. “Oh, baby, I know. Just something small, please.” He said, placing his hand on Sirius' thigh and rubbing small circles on it.
Sirius looked up at Remus then around him, making sure no one sees him like this. He rested his head down to the remus' shoulder and took a couple of deep breaths. Looking down at the table.
“Some toast?” Remus asked, and Sirius nodded, lifting his head up. Remus took one slice of toast and spread some butter on it, then handing it to Sirius.
“Thank you.” He whispered.
Some people who had seen how much Remus did for Sirius thought it was weird or something like that. But it made Sirius feel safe, especially when he was struggling more. He needed the reassurance and some guidance in his life, and Remus didn't mind giving that to him. Sirius still hated when other people saw him like this, except for James and Peter, he didn't mind if they saw.
Sirius was halfway through eating his piece of toast as Peter and James sat down across from them. Both looking incredibly tired, and Peter looked annoyed, probably because he was woken up by James throwing a pillow at him.
“What do we have today?” James asked, pouring himself some coffee.
“Double transfiguration and potions, where we have exams on both, after lunch we have herbology and I have ancient runes, but you three have, history of magic.” Remus explained, Sirius tensed up, remembering he and Remus didn't have the same classes today.
He didn't say anything, but felt Remus squeeze his hand a little tighter for a moment, and he relaxed, looking up at him with a small smile, even though he didn't feel like smiling, all he wanted to do was go back to bed and sleep the day away.
When they were all done, they started walking to the transfiguration classroom. Sirius started getting anxious about the exam because he hadn't studied to it at all. He had done the bare minimum for his studies, so he wouldn't get detentions from missing out and not returning works. He really didn't have the energy to do anything, but he managed with Remus' help, which he really appreciated and hoped Remus knew that.
He never wanted to ask for anything because he didn't want Remus to feel like he was constantly asking for something. Or like that, he was annoying and needy. Remus was always there when he just couldn't do anything and just cried, and he was there when he was actually smiling and having a better day. Remus was there when he couldn't, didn't want to eat anything, or was scared. Remus just was always there.
When they walked into the classroom, Sirius let go of remus' hand and sat down at the back of the classroom with Remus next to him. Peter and James sat next to them on the other side of the classroom, like they always did.
“You alright love?” Remus whispered quietly, as McGonagall started to hand out their exams.
“Mhm.” Sirius nodded, glancing at him, taking out his quill.
Soon McGonagall placed the papers In Front of him and Remus and walked back to the front of the classroom.
He stared down at the paper, not understanding anything or having an answer to any questions. He pulled one of his legs up to the bench and rested his chin on his knee, trying to think.
He got the answer to most of the questions, they weren't the best and probably weren't right, but he tried, and he was one of the last ones to finish the exam and return it to McGonagall. He went to sit back down next to remus before they were dismissed.
They exited the class and Remus took Sirius' hand back to his, as they started to make their way down to the dungeons.
“How are you feeling?” Remus asked, from Sirius who was walking alongside him, looking down to the floor.
Sirius shrugged, mumbling. “Stupid.” He glanced at Remus who had a confused look on his face. “I didn't know any of the answers, and I feel stupid.” He muttered, looking back down to the floor.
Remus stopped which made Sirius stop as well, he saw Peter and James continue to walk down, knowing they'd catch them sooner or later. “Look at me, baby.” Remus whispered, cupping Sirius cheek, making Sirius look up at him. Remus glanced around, making sure the corridor wasn't too filled with people. It was mostly empty, which was good.
“You're not stupid.” He said. “And it's okay if you didn't know the answers, but you tried and that's good, you did really well, angel.” His words made Sirius blush slightly, so he hugged Remus and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head on remus' chest. Remus wrapped his arms around the boy.
“Let's go now, so we're not late, yeah?" Remus whispered and Sirius recuntacly pulled away from him and Remus took his hand back to his own. Sirius looked a bit down as they continued their walk down to the dungeons.
“It's alright Siri, we have some spare time after lunch, and we can do something you want.” Sirius nodded, not really looking forward to lunch, not wanting to go there and eat. He was anxious about the exam they had next because, again, he hadn't been studying.
The exam was in two parts, first writing and answering questions, then they had to brew a potion in pairs. He had been paired up with James, Remus with Lily and Peter with Doracas. He didn't mind being with James, he was his best friend after all. But neither of them were that good at potions, so it probably wouldn't go well, and him most likely failing the first part just made him stressed and anxious.
When they finally sat down in the potions classroom, they had to sit in the pairs they were doing the second part. He again hugged one of his knees to his chest as Slughorn started handing out the papers. He was fiddling with his quill, looking down at the table.
He glanced at Remus as he got the paper in front of him, he looked anxious, and Remus hated that he couldn't do anything to help him. So, he just smiled softly at Sirius, trying to tell him it's okay.
He looked at James when he returned his paper, and felt bad because he was barely halfway done, and now he was the reason they couldn't start brewing the potion.
He quickly looked at James: he didn't look frustrated. He looked across the table at Remus and Lily, who had started making theirs, making him feel even more bad. So even though he hadn't answered all the questions, he got up and returned his paper. He walked back over to James, who had started to get out the stuff they needed.
“So, what are we brewing?” Sirius asked, they had talked about this in their last potions' lesson, but he didn't remember any more.
“Draught of peace.” James said, showing him the page from his textbook. “So let's get started. We need to add powdered moonstone until it turns green.” James read from the book and glanced at Sirius. “Can you go get it? We also need syrup of hellerbore, stewed Mandrake, powdered unicorn horn and porcupine quills.”
“How am I supposed to remember all that?” Sirius muttered, grabbing his textbook, trying to find the right page and going to search for what they needed. He found powdered moonstone and the syrup of hellerbore, whatever that was. He brought them back to the table. “Can't you go find the rest if I get this started? We both know I'm better at potions than you.” Sirius said, and James went to find the rest of the ingredients, knowing Sirius was right.
Either of them weren't the best on potions, but Sirius was better at brewing them, although right now, he didn't trust his skills. His thoughts were all slurred together, and he just tried to make something out of it and read the instructions.
He read through the instructions, and they seemed endless, add this until it turns this colour and stir until it turns this colour and add this and add that. He started doing like it said, and James returned just when the potion turned green.
//Stir until the potion turns blue
//Add powdered moonstone until the potion turns purple
He started stirring it and when it was blue, he asked James to add the powdered moonstone. “Why isn't it turning purple?” James asked, looking at Sirius.
“Add until it turns purple, so I guess add more?”
//Allow to simmer until the potion turns pink
//Add syrup of hellerbore until the potion turns turquoise
//Allow to simmer until the potion turns purple
They did everything their textbook said, but when they had to add the stewed mandrake, it had to be shaken before adding it to the potion. The potion was supposed to turn red, but it turned to an ugly green colour and started to bubble.
“Jamey, I don't think this is right.” Sirius mumbled, stepping a little away from the cauldron as it started to bubble more. “We can't fail this one.” He whispered quietly, not that anyone heard.
“It's supposed to be red.” Sirius said as James looked inside the cauldron. “Did you shake the mandrake?”
“Yes, yes, I did. I don't know what went-” James said, but was cut off by a loud bang, which made Sirius flinch and take a sharp breath in. Now they were in trouble. And he just hoped they wouldn't end up in detention for ruining the exam and messing up the classroom. But most likely they would.
He had closed his eyes, on instinct, and he opened them looking around seeing, both he and James had their failed potion all over them, as well as the floor and the table. There wasn't any on Lily and Remus, which was good, but it looked like their potion was ruined as well, he felt terrible for that. Everyone was quiet around them and everyone had stopped working, they were all looking at him and James. Sirius just wanted to shrink down and curl up into a ball.
Slughorn walked over to them. “Everyone back to work.” He said, before turning his gaze to Sirius and James. "What happened?” He asked, he didn't sound too mad, but he never really sounded mad, but didn't mean that they couldn't get detention.
They both shrugged and Sirius kept looking down at the floor, trying not to let his breathing get heavy, he felt his hands start to shake and people watching them, even though they were supposed to continue their work.
“Well it happens just clean this mess up, and I'll see you tomorrow evening after dinner for an hour, Mr Lupin, miss Evans you both pass as your potion got ruined, and you don't have time to do it again.” Slughorn explained before walking back to the front desk.
Sirius nodded, but he didn't move to start cleaning up, until he felt a hand on his shoulder which made him flinch again, but he relaxed, noticing it was just Remus.
“What happened?” He asked, caressing Sirius' cheek, who looked up at him with fear in his eyes. He shrugged, he wasn't sure what happened, he knew there was a loud noise, and he got scared, and now they were in trouble. “You okay?” Remus asked, pulling out his wand, so he could clean Sirius' robes as well as James'.
“Yeah, m'fine.” Sirius mumbled, Remus waved his wand and Sirius' robes and hair cleaned up. He smiled up at Remus and pulled out his wand, starting to help James to clean it up.
Remus did the same to James, who thanked him. He walked to their side of the table, packing his stuff and helping Lily out who had started to clean their side of the table to help the boys out, even though she was a little frustrated about what happened.
When they had cleaned everything up, they all sat down at the table, waiting until the first ones started to be ready, and they were allowed to leave. As soon as they were in the corridor, he searched for remus' hand, his hands still felt shaky and clammy. Remus looked at Sirius, as they were walking and decided to lead him to a smaller corridor that was more empty, luckily James and Peter understood and went before them.
He sat Sirius down on a bench, and he crouched In front of him on the floor. Sirius had a confused expression playing on his face. Remus noticed that the boy was taking deeper breaths and avoiding eye contact.
“Talk to me, angel.”
“I-i don't know.” Sirius whispered, starting to play with the hem of his jumper.
“What you don't know?”
“Anything?” He glanced at Remus, before focusing his eyes back to his lap. “I didn't even finish the exam, but I didn't want to disappoint or make James fail because we couldn't start the potion and.”
“And?” Remus prompted as Sirius didn't continue.
“I don't know what happened, but it was probably my fault, and then I got scared because of the noise.” He whispered.
“It's okay, and you're okay, nothing bad happened, baby.” Remus said, caressing his cheek, Sirius leaned into his touch and relaxed a little. “And I'm certain you didn't do anything wrong.” Sirius nodded a little hesitantly, looking at him.
“Now how about we go and have some lunch and go to the common room and have a cuddle?” Asked, standing up and pulling Sirius with him into a hug. Sirius rested his head on remus' chest, shaking it.
“Don't want to go to eat?” Sirius shook his head again, sniffling. “Don't cry, it's alright.”
“You promised to at least try on every meal, didn't you?” Remus asked softly, and felt him nod slightly against him. “Can you do that, baby? Just try a little bit and if you can't, then we'll leave, okay?”
“Okay.” Sirius whispered, pulling away from him and taking his hand, wiping his eyes before they walked out of the corridor, starting to make their way up to the great hall.
“Feeling alright?” Peter asked, looking at Sirius. Sirius was comfortable with talking about how he was feeling or if something wasn't right, not always, but most of the time he was. Not like he spoke with Remus and how he trusted him, but he didn't mind the other two asking as long as they didn't tell anyone else.
“Yeah, m'good.” Sirius said, smiling at them, even though he didn't feel like smiling, but he smiled anyway. Because he knew very well that James couldn't tell whether it was a real one or not, and Peter wouldn't dare to ask even if he noticed it was faked.
Sirius looked down at the table, one of his hands still in Remus' underneath it. Nothing there looked like he wanted it, It all just made him feel sick, and he definitely didn't want to eat anything. He quickly glanced around him, seeing everyone around them had piled food on their plates and started to eat.
He kept his gaze down at the table, the sight only making him feel more sick and anxious and uncomfortable. He wanted to leave, but he had promised to try. But he didn't feel like he actually could. Remus noticed how Sirius started to shake, and he didn't start to eat.
“What's wrong bub?” He whispered, softly, brushing his thumb over Sirius' knuckles.
“I-i can't.” Sirius mumbled, looking up at him. “I just can't, moony, c-can we go?”
“Yes of course.” Remus sighed, not annoyingly, but he was worried about Sirius, he hadn't been eating much in the past two weeks, it had really started to worry him. “Let's go then, love.” Remus smiled, standing up and pulling Sirius with him, starting to lead him towards their common room.
“I'm sorry, rem.” Sirius mumbled. “You don't have to come with me, sorry.”
“No, no, don't be sorry, everything's alright, and of course I'll come with ya, why'd you think I don't want to spend time with you.”
“I dunno.” Sirius whispered. “I don't want to be too clingy and all this, besides, you already do so much for me for nothing.” Sirius mumbled as they got to their common room. Remus wasn't surprised that Sirius thought that because they had had this conversation before. Remus sat down on one of the couches, pulling Sirius to sit on his lap.
“You're not clingy or needy or a bother, okay?” Remus said, caressing Sirius' cheek and looking at him, even though he refused to meet Remus' eyes. “I don't mind doing stuff for you or with you, you're having a hard time and I want to be here and help you.”
Sirius nodded slightly, leaning down and resting his head remus' shoulder. Remus wrapped his arms around him, drawing mindless patterns to his back. Sirius pressed his nose close to Remus' neck, just listening to his breathing.
“Wanna tell me why you wanted to leave?” Remus asked, not wanting to push on it, Sirius shook his head a little. “That's okay.” Remus said, kissing the top of Sirius' head.
The common room started eventually fill with students on their lunch break and soon James and Peter came over sitting with them. Sirius didn't move from Remus' lap, he didn't really listen to the conversation around him, he was lost in thought.
Thinking about what happened today, and how he'd probably fail the transfiguration exam and the first part of his potion exam. He was thinking about tomorrow's detention where he definitely didn't want to go, he also didn't want to go to his classes for the rest of the day. He'd much rather go back to bed and just sleep, or something.
“You okay to go to classes?” Remus asked as people started to leave the common room.
“I don't know.” Sirius mumbled, finally lifting his head from Remus' shoulder. He didn't want to go, but knew he kind of had to because he had already missed a lot of classes.
“I can't decide for you, baby. I can tell sprout you aren't feeling well, and Mr Bins won't notice you missing.” Remus said, rubbing Sirius' back and looking at him.
“I don't know Remus, can I skip just today? I promise I'll come to all classes tomorrow.” Sirius said.
“You can do whatever feels right, okay.” Remus smiled. “But wanna know what I think, you should go to speak to poppy or someone, won't do any bad.” Remus said. Sirius shook his head, slowly getting up, so Remus wouldn't be late to class.
“You don't have to think about it right now, or decide anything, just know that they'll help you, I will and James and Peter.” Remus smiled, Getting up. He cupped Sirius' cheek, caressing his thumb over it. He placed a soft and brief kiss on his lips.
“See you later.” Sirius smiled, looking up at Remus and starting to walk up to their dorm. Remus smiled at his direction, before walking out of the common room and catching up with Peter and James.
He went up to the dorm, changing his clothes to something more comfortable, meaning remus' soft and oversized jumper and some joggers. He pulled the jumper over his head, inhaling the comforting scent of coffee, chocolate and occasional cigarettes. He crawled into bed, just wanting to sleep and not think what happened or about anything. He'd just sleep until Remus would wake him up and drag him to eat something, he appreciated it, but wasn't sure if he could eat something.