Remus Lupin
When you are the heir to a well known family, you learn very quickly that your friends aren’t genuine friends. You learn that they will talk shit about you, and they will lie to you and about you. You learn that no one cares enough to stay around you. You learn that all anyone wants is to be able to say they have a connection into the Black family.
Regulus knows all of this. He has known all of this. It doesn’t help the fact that no one cares. It doesn’t help the fact that Regulus practically begs, as much as a Black heir could, for people to stay, but it never changes anything. They always leave. They never care enough to stay, and that truly breaks Regulus. Every time it happens, it cracks Regulus just a little more.
It’s not surprising that it took years before Regulus finally opened up to Barty and Evan. It’s not surprising that they had to prove over and over again that Regulus could trust them. When Regulus finally did, he waited tensely for them to leave, but they didn’t. That surprised Regulus the most. It’s that no matter how much Regulus pushed those two idiots away they were always there.
It’s also not surprising that when Remus Lupin randomly sits next to him in the library, Regulus completely ignores him. Regulus has slowly gotten the title of a loner or an introvert. Sometimes people called him a weirdo, but that title was often pointed out more extroverted people.
It was going on the second month of this happening when Remus finally talked to him. He had talked quietly at Regulus about some of his favorite books. Regulus didn’t say anything back. Remus was close friends with Sirius, Regulus’s practically disowned brother.
It took two more months, and a lot of convincing from Barty and Evan before Regulus finally spoke to Remus. He merely added a small comment as Remus talked about one of the books he was reading at the moment. Remus had acted like Regulus hadn’t said anything, but Regulus noticed the small smile Remus had as they began reading to themselves again.
Barty and Evan had freaked out when Regulus told him that. They were insistent that Remus Lupin, who was friends with Regulus’s older brother, had a crush on him. “Why else would he be smiling to himself like that?” Regulus couldn’t deny any of their claims, but it just seemed unlikely.
Over the next month, Regulus had slowly began having conversations with Remus. They got to know each other. Sirius was a topic firmly avoided by both parties involved. Regulus was thankful for that. If it wasn’t for Barty and Evan miraculously staying in his life, he never would have said anything to Remus. They were the only proof he had that people are capable of staying for him.
One late night in the library, Remus had off handedly mentioned James. It really seemed like he wasn’t thinking about it, but Regulus instantly got pissed. He hates James with a passion. James Potter, the stupid only child that stole his brother away from him. The boy who walks around like he is the shit. The stupid boy that started Regulus’s sexuality crisis. Regulus had quickly ended that conversation. Regulus didn’t reply to Remus for a couple days after that. Barty and Evan had to convince him that he can’t hold that small comment over Remus’s head.
A week after that was the first time anyone has ever interrupted Remus and Regulus as they were talking. How it never happened sooner was a miracle. “There you are Remus! James has been looking for you; he needs your approval for his next stunt for Lily!” It was Peter Pettigrew. Regulus never really paid much attention to the boy. He knew Remus was friends with him though.
Regulus firmly stared at his book, and he let his hair fall into his face. He wanted to go unnoticed. His blood was boiling at the mention of James and another elaborate stunt for Lily Evans, which never works anyway. It’s truly sad to watch.
“Oh, uhm, I’ll be back to the dorm in a bit, okay?” Remus replied. Peter said something that Regulus didn’t really pay any attention to. Regulus just focused on if Remus was packing up yet.
He heard Peter leave, and he was surprised when he didn’t hear Remus leaving afterwards. He sneaked a peak at Remus, and he was already looking at Regulus. “Are you ashamed to be seen with me?” Remus joked lightly.
Remus promised to be back there tomorrow, and he insulted James a few times before eventually leaving. The way that Remus didn’t immediately leave made Regulus wonder if maybe Remus was actually planning to stay around.
Barty and Evan had fun slandering James the rest of that night. The next morning, they told him that at this point they should just talk to Remus themselves. Regulus instantly shot that idea down. Barty and Evan are terrible alone; together they’re literally spawns from the underworld.
The next day is when everything sort of changed. Remus asked if Regulus wanted to roam the castle instead, and Regulus agreed. They ended up on the astronomy tower as the sun was setting. Regulus was mumbling about all the different constellations. He talked about different stories of each ones, and he ended up spewing facts about Greek mythology before Remus ever spoke up.
“You look really pretty when you talk about one of your passions,” Remus had mumbled. Regulus stuttered to a stop, and he promptly turned beat red. He quickly looked away from Remus. He felt like he had been lit on fire. “Sorry, sorry!” Remus laughed, “That was impulsive.” Regulus let out a forced chuckle. His mind had begun to race.
After a little while of Remus talking about some Greek myths, Regulus calmed down. They ended up side by side looking up at the dark sky.
“Shouldn’t you be getting back soon?” Regulus asked as they lulled into a silence. Remus looked sideways at him.
“I probably should be, but that doesn’t mean I have to be. If you should get going, we can go,” Remus stated. Regulus had shrugged, but he didn’t look away. Neither did Remus. Regulus wasn’t sure who leaned in, but Regulus almost flinched when Remus’s lips were on his.
It was a short kiss, but Regulus stared wide eyed as they broke away. Remus looked surprised as well. “Uhm-“ Remus cleared his throat. Regulus felt his blood run cold. He fucked it up. He’s fucked it.
“Sorry,” Regulus mumbled, looking away. He didn’t let Remus continue his thought. He quickly sat up.
“No, no, don’t say that.” Remus’s hand was on his shoulder. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t even know what we did if I’m honest,” Remus let out a nervous chuckle. Regulus looked over to see Remus handling it about as well as Regulus was.
“I think Barty will start to get worried,” Regulus mumbled after they fell into an awkward silence.
“Right, uhm- I’ll see you tomorrow, Regulus,” Remus stated firmly. Regulus didn’t reply before rushing out of the room.
Barty and Evan had practically screamed at the news. In a good way then a bad way then a comforting way. They also planned to kill him a few times, but Regulus talked them out of that one, multiple times.
Regulus’s hands were shaking as he sat in his normal chair. Remus said nothing as he slipped in next to Regulus. They read in silence before Remus eventually broke it.
“I didn’t mean to make anything weird between us. I just want to tell you that I don’t think of you differently or anything like that,” Remus whispered. Regulus nodded, but he didn’t say anything back.
“I have to go a bit early today. They’re making me plan this party with them. I’d invite you once we finish, but I have a hunch that’s not exactly your setting,” Remus chatted. Regulus let himself smile slightly as they fell into old patterns.
“How do you know my setting?” Regulus asked stubbornly. Remus let’s a small laugh.
“Like I said, a small hunch,” Remus joked. Regulus looked over at Remus.
“I think that hunch is wrong,” Regulus smirked. His eased his eyebrow at Remus.
“Merlin! What did I do? I hate parties!” Regulus yelled. Barty and Evan were currently laughing their asses off because they just learned about Regulus’s awful decision. “You guys have to come with me! I refuse to go to a Gryffindor party without you guys!”
That’s how Regulus ended up tipsy in the Gryffindor common room. Barty and Evan stayed firmly by his side though they were slowly feeding him alcohol. They made sure no one got too close, and they made Regulus’s time enjoyable. The only time the even stepped away is when Remus showed up.
Remus was clearly a little tipsy, but he kept up easy small conversations as they leaned against the common room wall. Regulus had offhandedly introduced Remus to Barty and Evan. Regulus and Remus both slurred their words slightly, and Regulus absently took another cup from Barty as they talked. Remus pointed out out of the newly formed couples of his friend ground, one of them being a lesbian couple. Regulus had commented on how cute they were.
They had talked into the night. Barty and Evan stayed near Regulus, and they kept feeding Regulus drinks. Remus kept sipping on his own. Eventually, Regulus felt steadily drunk, and he stopped wanting to be there. He grumbled something before kind of just walking away. He heard two sets of footsteps behind him, and after he stepped out of the portrait, he turned expecting to find Barty and Evan. He was meet with Remus and Evan instead. Evan stayed back slightly, and he allowed Remus to come up next to Regulus.
Regulus stumbled over his feet carelessly, and Remus ranted next to him. They found themselves once again in the astronomy tower, and Regulus looked back to find Evan slowly closing the door behind him. Regulus looked back, and Remus was already pointing up at the stars.
They drunkenly talked and talked. Regulus looked at Remus, and Remus had a relaxed smile on his face as he stared at the sky. Without thinking, Regulus pressed a firm kiss to Remus’s lips. Remus looked at him in surprise before rushing forward, and they connected their lips once more. Regulus wasn’t sure if he actually desired Remus, but Remus seemed to want him. He hasn’t left yet.
That’s the night Regulus lost his card, and Remus drunkenly revealed that he lost his then as well. They had taken it slow, and they were drunk. Everything was funny to them. Regulus had to say, there were worse ways that it could’ve happened.
Evan stood behind Regulus as he threw his stomach up into the toilet. His hand had a firm grip on Regulus’s hair, and he was also basically holding up Regulus’s head. Barty was humming as he sat on the sink. Regulus sobbed and threw up into the bowl. He complained about everything. He repeatedly hit Evan for letting him go somewhere alone with Remus while drunk. He squealed as he told them about what happen, but he immediately stared crying afterwards because what if their friendship is ruined?
Regulus had gotten better by the afternoon, and he curled up in his chair at their spot. Remus slipped into his own a few minutes after. Regulus could tell Remus was equally freaked and nervous, so that calmed him down.
He ended up reading Remus a short line from his book to start up their conversation. Before they left, they agreed that they were drunk, and that it hadn’t changed anything.
It was the two days after that when everything fell to shit. Remus didn’t show up. He didn’t show up, and he hadn’t given Regulus an excuse the day before. Regulus had waited the whole afternoon, but he never came.
Over the next week he noticed that his brother could be seen discarded from his friends. He noticed that Remus was curling around himself, trying to hide himself. He noticed that James, whom he hated, couldn’t even keep a smile on his own face.
Regulus kept being disappointed when Remus didn’t show up to the library. He cried and expressed his concern to Barty and Evan. They both planned out drawn out murders for the boy. Regulus told them they couldn’t do it even though he felt completely betrayed.
Regulus was absently flipped through a school textbook in his normal seat when someone suddenly filled Remus’s seat. Regulus jerked his head up only to find Lily Evans there instead.
“Did you have something to do with this?” Regulus stared wide eyed at the angry red head. “You heard me! I’ve been hearing about both you and Sirius for months and months, but now he’s suddenly stopped mentioning both of you. I don’t know what’s happened because no one is telling me anything, but I would really like some fucking answers,” Lily demanded. Regulus’s eyes widened even more. He quickly looked around. He didn’t see anyone he could call for help. Barty and Evan would not even be caught dead in the library.
“I don’t know what you’re on about,” Regulus whispered. He didn’t look at the girl. She just reminded him of James. James who can’t keep up a smile now if it would save his life. James who looked as bad as Regulus felt.
“You sure because James has practically disowned your brother from his own fucking dormitory. I don’t know what he could’ve done, but you must have had something to do with it!” Lily snapped. In seconds, Regulus was on his feet, and he was walking out of the library. He ignored whatever Lily began shouting, and when she got too close, he began running. He barged into his dorm, and he had to calm his breathing. His blood was boiling, and he wanted to sob.
“Merlin, what happened, Reg?” Barty questioned. Regulus took one look at his friend, and tears rolled down his face.
“Remus still isn’t coming to the library anymore, and now Lily showed up. She told me that Sirius fucked something up, and it has to be my fault. Of course it would be my fault. Oh something has gone wrong; it has to be my fault!” Regulus sobbed. Evan pulled Regulus into his chest, and Regulus sobbed loudly. He let everything out. He felt betrayed and worried and ashamed, and he felt like this just proves that everyone leaves. Even when they convince you they won’t, they will.
Regulus broke in Evan’s arms. Maybe it was his fault in some roundabout way. Barty wrapped his arms around them, and they whispered into Regulus’s ears as he cried. It was the first time Regulus has cried like this since he was a kid. He kept grabbing at Barty and Evan. “We’re still here, Reg,” Barty whispered. Regulus held them both tighter. They are still here.