Veritaserum
After what had happened, or rather what almost happened the previous night, Remus decided it was best to not meet up with Regulus again. Not even if that meant going without cigarettes
However, they still appeared in his bag a few days later, the words: “I’m Sorry”, written on the only cigarette turned upside down. Remus didn’t know what to think and smoked it first. He got better at it through the week and eventually, when his case was empty, he just left the package at the Owlery.
On the next day, there was a new one in his pocket. This time with the words “Miss you.”
Usually Remus got up after curfew to smoke and when he was being completely honest with himself, he hoped he would bump into Regulus. To talk, maybe. Or to do something else.
But the scavenger hunt kept him too busy to think of it much, and with Halloween approaching, Remus saw it as the perfect excuse to get properly drunk for the first time in his life. Maybe that way, he could stop thinking about Regulus entirely
Who was more evidently on his mind than ever though, was Mary. Not because Remus fancied her or anything. Not at all. But Sirisu did.
Currently he was in a rather dark corner, sipping something rather strong with Marlene, but his eyes were on Sirius and Mary dancing together.
“Oi.”
How he held her…
“Remus-”
And the way Mary tangled her fingers in his dark curls.
Markene then nudged him, and finally Remus found himself conscious again.
“Merlin, I’m sorry. What was that?”, he asked, scratching the back of his neck nervously.
Marlene laughed. “I asked if you wanted to play beer pong. They're hosting a new round.” She gestured towards Peter and Sibyll arranging some cups on a wooden table. A girl stood beside them—Dorcas, Remus realized. A Slytherin.
He barely knew her, but he was too drunk to question why she was at a Gryffindor party. Sibyll was there too, after all.
Remus considered it. Drinking more meant thinking less. And thinking less sounded like a bloody brilliant idea. “Alright. Let’s play.”
Remus was far from an expert at beer pong, just like Marlene. They lost, which at least meant more drinks. Somewhere between the second and the third round, the alcohol really started to hit. Remus head was light, his grin wide, and when Marlene pushed him towards the balcony, he followed without question.
“I think someone put something in my drink”, she mumbled.
“Really?”, Remus asked as they went outside. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah… I think it’s veritaserum. Wouldn’t want to spill my secrets in there.” The night was cold and the wind made Remus shiver. They leaned against the railing, watching their breath form little clouds in the air while the music still played in the background.
“Why do you think it’s veritaserum?”, he wondered, slurring his words.
Marlene looked around as if to check if they were alone, then blushed. “Dorcas asked me whether I fancy Sirius or James.”
“And?”
“And I said that I don’t fancy boys.”
Remus looked at her with a confused expression, and as soon as Markene looked like she panicked, Remus understood.
“Merlin, Remus, please, don’t tell anyone! Why did I say this…?!” She buried her head in her hands, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. “Now I know for sure it’s veritaserum…”
“Marls, don’t worry!”, Remus said, maybe a bit too loud and too fast, while patting her back. “That’s fine- she probably thought you were joking."
Marlene looked up, her eyes swollen. “You don’t think that’s disgusting? That I’m not into… boys?”
“No.” Not at all.
She wiped away her tears, leaving trails of mascara behind, and then fumbled with something in her pocket. Silence stretched between them as Marlene pulled out a cigarette. She lit it with a flick of her wand before taking a long drag. “Wanna share?”
Remus hesitated. Smoking was something he only ever did alone. In secret. With Regulus’ cigarettes. But tonight wasn’t a night for rules, so he nodded, taking the cigarette in his hand. Marlene watched him closely as he inhaled.
“You’re good at that,” she noted. “I didn’t know you smoke.”
“Didn’t know you did either.” He exhaled, his thoughts drifting back to the Owlery, to Regulus, to the way his heart had pounded that night. “Who is it?”
“Well, Dorcas”, Marlene said, then, sighed loudly before snatching the cigarette from Remus. “Remus, please don’t ask any more questions- I didn’t drag you here to get exposed”
“Right, I forgot, sorry.”
They stood in comfortable silence for a moment, passing the cigarette back and forth. Marlene liked girls. Not just that, she liked a Slytherin girl.
“Don’t tell anyone, alright?” she muttered. “I mean, it’s stupid anyway. Nothing would ever happen.”
“Why not?”
She shot him a look. “Because it’s weird, Remus.”
His smile faded. “It’s not weird.”
“Right. You think people wouldn’t look at me like I’m some freak if they knew?”
Remus didn’t answer right away. He thought back to the Owlery again. To Regulus, standing too close. To the quiet tension, the unspoken things between them. To the way Regulus’ eyes had lingered on his lips before he’d left. The words “I miss you” written on the cigarette, in Regulus handwriting.
“You’re not a freak, Marlene.”
“You’d say that no matter what.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” he insisted. “But I get it, I think.”
She furrowed her brows slightly. Then, understanding filled up her eyes.“Oh,” she murmured.
Remus nodded, staring down at the stone floor. His heart pounded.
Marlene let out a laugh. “Well, shit.”
Remus chuckled. “Yeah.”
“Is it Sirius?”
“What?”, Remus stuttered. “No- I don’t, I mean I could never-”
“It’s fine, Remus. You’ll figure it out.” For a moment, they just stood there, leaning against the railing, sharing the cigarette, and understanding each other in a way they never had before.
Eventually, Marlene nudged him with her shoulder. “We should probably go back inside. Safe me from dangerous questions, alright?”
“Of course.” Remus stubbed out the cigarette on the railing. “Let’s go, Marls.”
As they got back into the heat of the party, his head spinning just a little, Remus felt something shift inside him. Like he was close to accepting something he had refused to acknowledge the past few weeks.
So, back inside, they joined their friends who all played truth or dare in a corner of the room. Marlene said she’d just pick dare all the time, so the veritaserum wouldn’t become a problem again and they sat down in between Lily and Mary, who practically sat on Sirius lap.
“Moony, truth or dare?”, James asked, grinning heavily, when he saw the two approaching. Some of the following questions and tasks were more risky than others, but when he found Sirius and Mary sneaking off just to snog at the other end of the room, Remus whole night was screwed anyway.
The next day, even though Remus' hangover was terrible, he decided to sneak out like he usually did to smoke, but this time, he was heading for the Owlery.
To his own surprise, Regulus was there, smoking on the same bench they had sat on together not so long ago.
"What are you doing here?" Remus asked, looking at the night sky.
"I still owe you," Remus replied, silently asking whether he could sit down. Regulus nodded.
"I don’t want your money, y’know?" the Black brother sighed, handing over the cigarette before Remus could even offer the Galleons he had brought along.
"But what about the cigarettes you gave me?"
"It’s whatever," Regulus sighed, and it felt like there was something else he wanted to say, something he was supposed to say.
"Did you mean that?" Remus asked nervously.
"What?"
"The 'miss you'?"
Silence stretched between them while Remus inhaled, feeling the smoke settle in his lungs.
"I did, yeah." Regulus then looked up at him, those familiar blue eyes shining brightly in the moonlight. "Still do."
That was all Remus needed to know. He hesitated, then placed his free hand on Regulus’ jaw, pulling him closer, feeling the way his breath hitched and how his chest rose and fell against Remus' own body. No goddamn owl would interrupt now.
Regulus, too, leaned in, slinging his arms around Remus’ neck as they pressed their lips together.
Remus had never kissed anyone, not like this, not this eagerly. They kissed like they were both starving. Remus was, and if this was what it felt like to kiss someone you truly adored, he could only imagine how it’d be to snog his older brother.
At least Regulus wanted him, too.
Regulus' fingers tangled in the fabric of Remus' clothes, gripping him like he was afraid Remus might disappear. The taste of smoke lingered between them, mixing with something else, something uniquely Regulus-like.
Remus let his hands move, one still cupping Regulus' jaw, the other throwing away his cigarette and then settling at his waist. He felt his warmth through his robes. He was real. He was there.
The kiss deepened, slow at first, then more desperate. Remus felt dizzy, though he wasn’t sure whether it was because of the nicotine or the way Regulus' lips moved against his own.
Regulus pulled back slightly, just enough to rest his forehead against Remus'. His breathing was rushed and his fingers still kept hold of Remus.
"We shouldn't want this," Regulus murmured, but he didn’t pull away.
"I don’t think I care what I should or shouldn’t want”, he replied, his mind wandering to his conversation with Marlene.
"This is dangerous. If anyone finds out-"
"I know."
"And yet—"
"And yet," Remus repeated, brushing his thumb along Regulus' cheek. "I still want this." It was better than nothing, after all. Better than spending the rest of his precious teenage years lonely and miserable.
Regulus made a quiet noise, maybe happiness, maybe something else entirely, before kissing him again. This time, it was slower, softer, as if they had all the time in the world.
But they didn’t.