Skidding on the curves of your heart

Barcelona, 2022

“-Until when, Mapi? Until when will I have to wait for the awards ceremonies that you don’t take me to, the outings and meetings with your teammates that you don’t even ask me to accompany you to?” -the woman in front of her wasn’t hurt, Mapi knew her well, she was angry- going to see your games and you completely ignoring me.

-We've talked about it so many times that it's exhausting, Sara-murmurs Mapi tiredly, letting herself fall into the chair. The training was brutal.

-But are you aware that we're still in a relationship? Or did we break up and I missed it?

-I'm sorry, okay-the defender exhales, not sounding sincere and drinking a big drink of black coffee -but you know how people are, they look for anything to get gossip, and I take great care of my private life.

-I thought it was part of your private life. We've been together for a year and a half.

-And so far it has worked, right? It's better to keep going like this-Mapi murmurs, thinking about the hard training, the next rivals, the competitions and the titles they are fighting for. Her mind works tirelessly when it comes to football.

The woman, Sara, her girlfriend, evidently realizes that she has lost her again because she lets out an exaggerated snort, turns around and leaves with a deafening slam of the door.

And Mapi just hopes that she stays in her own house for the rest of the day. She stands up half-heartedly and turns on the coffee machine. One is never enough, and she sleeps very badly.

Mapi would like to be better, a better girlfriend, as Sara deserves and can't. Football takes up her whole life and Sara knew that from the beginning. Did she think Mapi would divide her life equally? If sport took everything, the goal of being the best, of winning every title and prize, is all she visualized.

She doesn't regret being in the relationship because there have been good times, there is love, but is there something more or is that all? The fights have been taking over lately, the complaints and her own inability to see the mistakes she makes by putting aside the relationship in favor of her career.

She knows that Sara will return tomorrow, she knows that they will apologize and everything will be fine for a few days, and then a new complaint and so on like an endless loop.

June passed as quickly as it came. Mapi had extra work for a few days without really caring. She was always absolutely grateful to keep busy and fall asleep in bed at night. Less time to remember. Less time to think. But more time for green eyes to keep sneaking into dreams.

She set up her chicken coop again, which took her to the village to buy the materials, and in the process, she paid a visit to Gudrun. The kind Gudrun who was going through so many difficulties. Maybe she would stop being so elusive and visit her more often. She promises herself to do so.

She also planned what to do with Frida and Oscar and discussed it with Karl who agreed throughout and was very effusive in his thanks. The poor man looked tired and relieved.

She didn't forget to speak to Caro, it was quite brief, to thank her if she had any kind of influence on Ingrid's decision and, at the same time, to find out how life was in Barcelona.

They won the Champions League. Caro dropped it gently but it still hit Mapi like a rock on her chest, cutting off her oxygen, leaving her shaking.

That's why she doesn't use social media, watch TV or anything that would let her know what's going on around what she voluntarily gave up.

She knew they could do it, after all, she was the dead weight they carried year after year. Was she at the top of her game, still at the top when she announced her retirement? No. That time had already passed.

As soon as she receives the news and Caro apologizes, she erases the information, resetting her own mind.

She was occasionally texting Patri and didn't say anything. Something she doesn't appreciate, because withholding information is worse than lying to her. And Patri wanted to visit her after going to Mallorca. Mapi didn't respond to that. She never responds to anyone who suggests going to see her. Many other people wanted to do it, like her own parents, and the idea seemed strange to her.

And then…then there's Ingrid.

The black-haired girl usually goes to pick up the children after each training session. There are brief conversations, long silences, the occasional appreciative glance if she is not completely mistaken, a lot of humor in her eyes. And humor abandoned her some time ago.

She met her once at Gudrun's house and they said hello very quickly, she saw her in the distance on the street, she passed her on the way home one evening but apparently she was going somewhere else. It's not that Mapi was disappointed when the red car didn't park in front of her cabin because she likes to be alone, she appreciates being alone.

These chance encounters were becoming more and more frequent, and they were already worrying Mapi. She was calm and controlled her emotions, but there seemed to be something about Ingrid that completely destabilized her, that made her drift.

-God dag-Mapi greets her two little soccer players who excitedly get out of the car in their clothes ready to train.

The school year is over, as are the training sessions until August. And this is the first practice they will do on their own in the first week of July.

-God morgen-they all say at the same time.

Ingrid laughs and waits for her nephews to high-five her as they always do.

-Good morning, Maria.

-Good morning, Ingrid.

- All good?

-Yeah.

-Hey, Mom's coming for them, if you don't mind the invasion.

-You know you don't, don't worry.

A slow, silent invasion of her sacred, solitary space. It seems less and less solitary to her, but that doesn't worry her like thought it would, not like it might have been last year.

Mapi introduces the children to her two kittens, who always hide somewhere when they see new people and wait for the right moment to come out and explore.

-Little by little they will gain confidence in you and will even let you pet them and spoil them more than necessary.

-Tante Ingrid, can I have a kitten too? -Oscar asks hopefully.

-Mmm, that question is for your parents-Ingrid ruffles the hair-but you have to know that having a cat is a big responsibility.

-And a puppy?

-Also-they both exclaim in chorus. Mapi snorts and lowers her eyes.

Ingrid watches them walk away ready for their morning of training, with barely a handshake for her. And she wonders what it is about Maria, what hypnotic power she has within her that makes her own nephews fall in love with her. That Karl and Ada-who doesn't even know her-speak wonders; that Gudrun and Ørjan want to invite her to Sunday lunches and debate whether the Spanish woman is going to refuse or not.

Could it be that she is also captivated? No, that is not it. But when she stops and thinks, and searches for a word, she comes up with attracted, seduced, yes, also captivated. The incessant intrigue that is María León, who, even knowing what she already knows about her, presents herself as a puzzle that provides all the pieces but that even then she would not be able to put it together as if something were missing.

'Ingrid spoke to Caro before making the decision to leave the cabin to Mapi. She asked her a few questions casually as if it were nothing. And Caro was always extremely reserved but she remained cautious and did not even give her any clues about the Spanish woman. Her exact words were 'she has been through a lot.'

Well, we all go through things at some point in life, that's what Ingrid thought.

But she stops to consider it and there is something about Maria, perhaps her expression or something in those amber eyes, that makes her think of pain or suffering well masked from people, hiding it from the world, but not at home. At home she was almost defenseless and Ingrid could notice things even though she is so bad at doing so.

And just a few days later she visited Ada, spent the whole day helping around the house, and in the afternoon she played with the children and they ran around everywhere, until Frida remembered that she wanted to ask her a favor because she didn't want to bother her own parents. She wanted to look up information about the player that Caro mentioned.

-I don't know any female players, was she as good?

-I think they show all the Barça games on TV so you can watch Caro. And there are many other women's teams. Would you mind if I looked into them so you can watch them?

Frida nods and the two of them sit back in the soft chair with the laptop ready to look for the defender María León.

Both look at each other quickly when Coach María's face appears on the screen and fills it completely dressed in Barcelona clothing. Dozens of different photos showing her on the field, in training, at events.

-Did Coach Maria play soccer?

-It seems-Ingrid stammers-she was a professional player.

-Why didn't she say so?

Frida seems puzzled but very interested and excited.

-You must have your reasons, little one.

They continue looking at the photos, and Ingrid reads some information for Frida.

- “Maria Pilar Leon Cebrian was born in Zaragoza, Spain, on June 13, 1995”

-Where is that?

Ingrid opens a Maps app and they look for it. They both agree that it is far away.

-Her birthday passed a few days ago, tante Ingrid, and we didn't congratulate her.

-We didn't, but you didn't know-says Ingrid swallowing-how about you take her some chocolates tomorrow?

Frida nods enthusiastically and asks her to continue reading. Ingrid focuses on the most important information to share with the girl.

- “She is one of the best defenders in the history of women's football, winner of multiple individual awards, trophies and titles. She played a large part of her career at FC Barcelona and the Spanish national team until she announced her sudden retirement in 2025 at the age of 30. This took the football community by surprise, who did not expect such a hasty decision when the defender was returning to her best level after the shocking injury that kept her out for a long time, in addition to various personal problems.”

Maybe I should have left out the last part because Frida has endless questions in those pretty green eyes.

-Was she badly hurt?

-No, no, it says here that she recovered quickly and that injuries are part of playing soccer-Ingrid hides the laptop so Frida doesn't read on her own.

-Tante Ingrid, I have a great player training me? And one who was very good?

-It seems so, but how about you and I keep it a secret?

-Why?

-I think she doesn't like people to recognize her. Only you and I will know the truth and maybe one day, she'll tell you, okay?

-Okay.

Later that night, Ingrid couldn't stop thinking about this information. She felt it was an invasion of Mapi's privacy, even though it wasn't on purpose. She thinks about what she read and saw, about the simple Coach who is a recognized legend and who is only the children's trainer, who only smiles for them and seems happy with her role.

She turns around in bed a few times until she picks up her phone and inevitably types the full name into the search engine. One photo after another assaults her senses, it's like receiving an overstimulation from Mapi León. Apparently everyone knows her as Mapi. Hot photos, very hot, and the Barça uniform was definitely made for her. It's unfair that someone looks so good wearing a sports uniform, it shouldn't be legal, and the photos of her stuffed into suits and dresses, receiving awards? Simply mind-blowing.

And there is also a lot of information floating around, of all kinds, from the professional to the personal, but Ingrid stops. She doesn't want to read more than what she has already read, she doesn't know why, but she feels it's not right. If Maria doesn't share anything about her life, if she doesn't want anyone to recognize her, that's her right, and Ingrid isn't going to read anything else. Like an agreement she makes with her own mind.

And then she thinks back to the encounter the day before when she came back to the cabin with a rental agreement ready for the Spanish girl to read and sign. She was sweaty, hammering and working with wood, almost like she found her the first time, and Ingrid was instantly drooling. She's not ashamed to admit it, after all, it goes straight to the dirty corner of her head where no one but her sees it and thinks about it.

And she wished that those rough, calloused hands would touch her again like that day when she removed the butterfly, and the mere memory made her shudder and ran through her with a pleasure that she should not feel from a simple touch.

The only thing she could do after that was take the next weekend off, run away to Oslo to find some women she really likes, her specific type, and put out the fire inside her.

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

-Mor, I don't think she's going to eat all this alone-Ingrid snorts, seeing the quantities of food that Gudrun is giving her to take to Maria.

-It's not that much, and if that worries you, stay and eat with her.

-Oh, here we go again-Ingrid rolls her eyes and takes all the tuppers and piles them in her arms.

-I'm not implying anything-Gudrun replies indifferently-You're the one who thinks badly. I'm just saying that you can eat with her, talk, I don't know, she's being so generous with us.

-Yeah, sure.

Maria was being very generous, truth be told, because neither Oscar nor Frida could have had a better time than with the Spanish girl. They were both happy to go with her three times a week, and if it were up to them, they would go every day. And that was nothing out of this world and very close to home, but for the two little ones it was everything. And on top of that, Maria let them feed the chickens, play with the cats, they went for a walk around the area and even went to the river one morning. She seemed to understand that they needed that and she didn't focus on the sole task of playing with a ball and sending them home. The times that Ingrid went to pick them up during that month of July, they always stayed a little longer because neither of them wanted to leave. And for someone who loved being alone and away from everything, the Spanish girl didn't seem to mind.

-Gudrun really shouldn't have bothered-Mapi says when she sees her arrive with the bag full of food for her.

-It wasn't a bother. She even sent you that cake you like so much, my favorite cake! -Ingrid ends up exclaiming with an annoyed but amused tone.

-Are you never going to forget such an offense?

-It depends-she shrugs and smiles-I may have already forgotten, actually.

It's not that Ingrid is expecting an invitation to stay-it's almost noon and she should already be in the office in Trondheim-but she doesn't want to leave so quickly either. However, when Mapi gives no hint of eloquence and just takes the bag without even inviting her in, she calls the children who were still running around outside, exhausted and red from the heat and the effort, and they say goodbye.

Ingrid couldn't help but notice that she was wearing long pants in front of the children, even though she was in her own home, which led her to think that perhaps those huge scars were still painful but not physically painful.

She doesn't dare to ask her.

Frida talks a lot about how great it is to play ball with Maria and how much her friends envy her for being able to do it all summer. Oscar asks if they can camp by the river before going back to school and Ingrid doesn't give him an answer that satisfies him. She knows that it is now hwe property but she doesn't feel it is her, it is Maria's, it is invading her privacy, but how do you explain that to a child?

-We invite her to camp with us, tante Ingrid-he says as if it were that easy.

Ingrid drops them off at home and stops by the office. She video calls Frido and catches up. In the afternoon she goes for a tour of the works that are about to begin after clearing each plot of land. It is a great project, one that the municipality is promoting and appreciating, and even though it is private, it will provide many benefits to the people of the entire area.

Good. Work is great, at least that aspect doesn't worry her. So Ingrid can't figure out where all the incessant restlessness that makes her lose focus comes from.

So, assuming that he misses part of his days in the capital, he heads off to Oslo for a day once again.

Her older sister Ada was responding well to chemotherapy and doctors spoke favorably. The cancer was detected in time.

Ingrid accompanies her to the clinic a few times and each time it breaks her heart a little more, but everyone is confident that she will soon recover.

Her nephews used to get upset at first when she started losing her hair and she had to sit them down and explain to them in simple, non-hurtful words what was happening to their mom.

Now, it's not that they've forgotten that she's sick, but they're more cheerful, they come running, kiss her and tell her everything they did that morning. Ingrid's heart warms.

-With such good references, now I'm dying to meet the coach-she murmurs tiredly.

-We can invite her to eat! -exclaims Frida.

-We can invite her to play soccer with us here and then watch a movie and eat popcorn! -Oscar seconds his sister.

-Well, I was thinking more about inviting her to a quiet dinner-Ada smiles.

-If you want, I can take care of it. I'm sure she won't say no-Ingrid offers.

- Why? Do you feel sorry for me? -There is no real venom behind those words and Ingrid laughs.

-Shut up, she doesn't even know you.

-Mor does nothing but praise her and suffer for her loneliness, and I think she has hinted on several occasions that she hopes you marry her-Ada whispers very quietly-with a girlfriend and without telling your older sister?

-Seriously, shut up-despite herself, Ingrid feels herself blush.

-What? Is she that hot?

Ingrid lets out a very suppressed nasal laugh as she nods emphatically for her sister. The only one she can be honest with without asking stupid questions.

-But don't tell Mom, please, Ada.

-Can you imagine? Start planning the wedding now.

-And to think of names for our children.

Ada has that suspicious look of hers and says:

-So that's why you wanted the kids to go train with her during the holidays?

-No, of course not. Don't go down that road.

-Well, it was just a question.

Maybe, quite possibly, he liked the idea of having an excuse to see her every now and then but he wouldn't tell anyone about it.

The hot days of July pass one by one and Ingrid doesn't understand why they have gone so quickly. She divided her time between the office, the construction site, Ada's house, Gudrun's house and Mapi's cottage. And without understanding it, that is where she wanted to spend the most time and where she did the least.

She was thinking of taking a couple of weeks off in August but the idea was no longer appealing. Most of her friends were already or had been in Ibiza and Greece while she kept putting it off.

Perhaps, for the first time, there would be no vacation far from home.

-Tante Ingrid, look! -Oscar holds an egg in each hand that Mapi apparently gave him.

And the Spaniard immediately appears dressed in Barça training clothes, ones that he has seen her in before but which he has never mentioned to her.

-Mmm, we can make an omelette with those eggs, what do you say?

-Or a delicious tortilla española- Mapi winks mischievously. Ingrid knows it's for Oscar but she can't help but want it for herself.

-Maybe a Spanish girl can teach us-she replies, and what does it matter if it comes out with a hint of flirtation or insinuation, maybe that's her intention.

But Mapi barely raises the corner of her lips very restrainedly and, in a very common gesture for her, puts her hands in her pockets.

And she waits a few slow seconds before saying something.

-About your sister's invitation-she changes the subject not at all subtly.

-Yeah?

-Let me know when and I'll be there.

-Don't sound so obligated.

- I don't. I'll be happy to go to dinner. Besides, I want to talk to her and Karl about something.

- So what? I can't know?

-No, I have to talk to them first.

-OK.

As soon as she gets into the car, Ingrid promises herself to stop fantasizing about Mapi. Because that's what they are, crazy fantasies and desires to experience something different. She's never been with a woman like María León before and she's just curious. A curiosity that, apparently, is going to go unsatisfied.

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

Ada and Karl have a nice house in a beautiful part of Trondheim. The yard is huge and they are going to spend the afternoon there until dinner is ready.

Ingrid and her sister are so physically similar it's unbelievable, but Ada doesn't do what Ingrid does to her. The thought of it is disastrous. She was attracted to Ingrid even when she thought she was Karl's wife. Pathetic of her. But that can easily go away if she doesn't feed her, if she avoids Ingrid a little more, if she doesn't respond to her attempts at... whatever.

She's not even sure Ingrid is a lesbian or interested in women, as if her radar is too off to figure that out. Well, with those appreciative glances she's noticed sometimes, she assumes she is, though it could also just be curiosity as if she's some kind of fairground attraction.

At the beginning of the evening she is uncomfortable because she is not used to leaving the house, especially with strangers. But the couple is simple and charming, and the children are simply adorable. Mapi has taken a liking to them, they are very sweet and always curious and restless, making her stay alert, learn new things, and want to smile more often.

-Well, I wanted to ask you something that may not sound right to you-Mapi begins once the children have left-but I know that you were walking with Gudrun and Ørjan through the fjords last weekend and that Oscar loves the outdoors, well, so does Frida. And they both want to camp by the river.

-Oh, believe me, we know-Karl laughs-they won't stop talking about it. It's just not something we'd want to ask you to do when you're already training them.

-Yes, Ingrid wanted to take care of it, to look for some options so that they could have the summer camp experience that we gave them last year, but we didn't want to burden her.

-Well, I wouldn't have a problem-Mapi shrugs her shoulders-I don't know, I have a tent and I can get another one, we can make a bonfire, the usual thing so that they have a nice experience.

- Really? -Ada asks with a bright look. Mapi really liked the woman.

-Yes, I mean, there would be three of us because I don't know if Gudrun is up to the task...

-No Mamma, but I'm sure Ingrid does-says Ada quickly-she loves camping.

- Really? -Karl doubts.

-Yes, as girls we always did it.

-Let's just say it's not your sister's element.

-As I said, he's fascinated by it-Ada repeats again and her husband falls silent with an intrigued smile adorning his expression.

-So I'll tell her? -Mapi shifts in her seat. Obviously there was the possibility that Ingrid would join but she can't imagine her sleeping in the same tent with her all night or telling stories in front of the fire. She thought it would be all three of them or Gudrun would join.

Mapi says goodbye as soon as they finish the final details. She had a good time but she needs to be in her own space, in her house with her cats. That's all.

Karl is the one who drops off the children on Monday morning and Ingrid arrives early to pick them up; and Mapi can see that she is watching the training from the corner of the house with her arms crossed. Mapi knows that she doesn't make a great effort but she still shows off with games and tricks that make the brunette smile.

Sometimes she can't help it, wanting to impress her with anything. And other times she can't help but want to have her far away, where she won't cause that disturbing tingling all over her body.

-So, camp next weekend?

-Well, they told me you're quite the nature woman, so I think you're going to guide us, make the big bonfire, all that-Mapi hisses in a more playful tone than she intended, so she quickly returns to her usual sobriety-if you want, of course, but if not, no problem.

-I know how to make fire, Maria, believe it or not.

-Well, we'll see.

The Norwegian's cell phone rings and she excuses herself to answer it without delay. Mapi listens but doesn't hear while Frida and Oscar are busy with the goalposts, and all she understands is that the person on the other end, Jill, needs her urgently.

- What do you need for camping? I can bring some things.

-Well, nothing really, I have everything.

-Ah, okay- Ingrid shrugs and puts away her phone- mmm, when you have some time, I'd like to talk about the construction work in the area.

Mapi is undecided and thinks about what to say to him.

-Well, this afternoon it could be.

- Are you sure? Maybe you don't want company.

- Did I just give you that impression?

-You always give me that impression-answers Ingrid honestly.

-Yes, that's me-Mapi isn't sure if she'll regret it but the words come out anyway-I'll be waiting for you with that beer we owe each other, remember?

-It's a plan-says Ingrid, more excited than she should be.