Skidding on the curves of your heart

Barcelona, August 2023

“-Do you need anything else?” Aitana asks helpfully, and how Mapi hates depending on other people!

-Being alone.

-But your parents…

-Yes, I know they are outside. I want you all to leave, Aitana.

-Ale and Patri are also there.

Mapi lets out a snort of discontent and a string of words that Aitana doesn't quite understand.

-Tell Patri to come for a moment.

There is no kindness in her tone, no politeness. And to hell with all that. Mapi throws away one of the pillows that hurt her back and makes herself more comfortable in bed. Her great friend, the bed in which she will continue to spend long hours of recovery.

-Hey, buddy-Patri greets, and she doesn't do it from a distance, she approaches without any care or anything like the rest of the people around and bumps her fist against Mapi's shoulder affectionately-you look like shit.

-I feel that way too-Mapi half smiles- can you make sure Alexia leaves?

-I do, but she is very worried.

-I doubt it.

Patri has warmth and concern in her huge brown eyes. Mapi adores her. She is the only one who has never judged her, well, neither has Aitana, but the little midfielder is different with her endless energy, not someone Mapi can sit and chat with like she does with Patri or just sit and exist without words.

-I don't know if I'll play again, Patri-says Mapi carefully after a few minutes.

-It's okay not to know, Mapi. Now focus on recovery, okay?

-I can't make it; you know I can't-a giant lump forms in her throat and tears flow non-stop-I... I don't know if I'm as strong as they make me out to be. I'm not really.

-You are, but it's okay to feel like you can't-is Patri's calm response-those of us who love you will be there to help you.

-I'm a piece of shit person, everyone blames me, you know that?

-Nobody blames you, what happened already happened.

Mapi cries silently and looks at her knee. A new fresh wound. Another scar as a war trophy. Another battle that she is not sure she can face.

-Don't leave us out like you did with the other thing, please?

-I can't make promises, Patri, I'm sorry”

Ingrid has spent most of her life between casual relationships and no serious relationships at all. She is almost 30 years old and doesn't feel like she has to settle down or look for love, or any of that nonsense that Gudrun comes up with. Age is just a number. If something is meant to be, it will be, but she doesn't spend her time actively looking for it; and in the meantime, she has fun, she looks for ways to let off steam when work stresses her out, she picks up girls in bars, clubs or some of those trendy apps, which is the usual thing since she started feeling attracted to women in her teens.

And she knows very well, she has only too clear the type of women that attract her. It's like a specific pattern, a defined type, and she's not ashamed to admit it to anyone: she dates sophisticated, elegant, feminine, curvy, soft-skinned women, those who whisper and wait for a flirtatious glance, who delicately sip a glass of Cosmopolitan and flutter their eyelashes. Women from her world or something similar, who spend long hours at the office and need some kind of distraction at the end of the day.

On the contrary, she has never been attracted by muscles, toughness or an air of self-importance in a small body. And all of that is represented by Maria, the trainer, the mysterious hermit who lives in the middle of the forest in a cabin that is soon to be demolished. The thought worries her.

But Ingrid is also worried about not being able to take her eyes off the petite Spanish girl who is laughing with the children and giving them a few instructions before the meeting resumes. It is disconcerting.

Frida, her little shy niece, whispers something in her ear and a smile wrinkles the corners of the woman's eyes. Eyes used to smiling and laughing if she was guided by the lines that surrounded them, but Ingrid had only seen her do it with the children during training, at no other time or place. Sometimes the corners of her lips may show something similar, but not even close to the open and free smile she has at that moment.

Ingrid thinks that she hasn't even seen her in anything other than sportswear, always in those long pants as if she were too cold even in June, and that even so, she is incredibly attractive, emitting a bustling energy of vitality.

She didn't ask Caro anything about her but she might. What's wrong with that? A person can change their mind in a few days and it turns out that there's a hint of intrigue in it.

Did she work at Barça? Judging by her reaction to the shirt Frida was wearing. Not that Ingrid was paying attention, she just… looked at the exact moment when the Spaniard turned pale. Now she seems like a little mystery to her, and she is pretty, she is attractive, she is…she can't even put it into words in her own thoughts for fear of the many adjectives he finds to describe her.

She shifts in her spot on the bleachers and Gudrun puts a hand on the knee.

-I've already made many videos to teach Ada.

-She's going to go crazy when she sees how much fun Oscar and Frid are having.

-They are others, right? I don't want to sound terrible, but they both need to get away from home for a while-says Gudrun-we are adults, we understand it and we deal with it as best we can, but not them.

-I'm very worried about them, Mom- admits Ingrid.

-I'm worried because in a couple of weeks school ends, they have a vacation break, and training stops too-says the older woman-I haven't spoken to Karl but I'm sure he doesn't even think about taking them on vacation. He has too many things on his mind.

-I thought they would continue with… Maria-Ingrid inevitably looks at her again.

-They won't. Training starts again in August, and I don't know how healthy it is for them to stay home so much, just look at Frida!

-I know, she's very uninhibited now, isn't she? I haven't seen her like that in a long time- Ingrid mutters-it should always be like that.

Ingrid scolds herself for neglecting them and not returning from Oslo right away when her sister's illness started. She preferred to travel two or three times a week, which she did for a few months, until she settled in Trondheim. But it should have been much sooner.

-They've taken it so well so far, Ada's chemotherapy and everything else-Gudrun shakes her head, wiping away a tear-we'll think about what to do, but those two children can't spend the whole summer watching their mother become increasingly affected by cancer.

-We will find a solution, mamma, don't worry-assures Ingrid, resting her temple against her mother's.

They give Oscar a thumbs up when he comes on, and a few minutes later he scores a goal that is loudly applauded and cheered. Maria encourages and motivates them, and Ingrid believes that, after all, she must be very good at her job regardless of the ages of the players she coaches.

Ingrid swallows hard and licks her lips unconsciously when a muscular arm is flexed to drink some water.

A few hours later, between breaks, chats and support from the family, the small tournament ends without a winner being declared. Everyone takes their medals and prizes and is happy. They are children who are not older than ten and will have time to be more competitive.

Mapi notices the effusiveness on the part of Karl and Ingrid, and the tears that have run down Gudrun's face, but she doesn't ask, it's not her business.

She says hello, says goodbye, takes some photos, high-fives as she always does and doesn't wait for everyone to leave before leaving. She is tired and feels like a long shower and maybe a beer. She allows herself a beer from time to time since she is no longer following the strict diet she always kept to stay on top for years and years.

She relaxes during the car ride. She's been following the games and all her players, but as she drives back to the cabin she can't help but think about Maria Leon's shirt. Her name. Frida looked so happy to have the name of a girl who was a soccer player, so excited that she said she would ask her parents to look up information about her. About herself. It was so easy to tell her that she was in front of Maria Leon and yet, she didn't do it.

And then, the other thing. She assumes that Ingrid is the other owner or partner of the real estate project, it's a matter of adding two and two, and it doesn't matter at this point. She will get out of the way of the brunette.

She speeds up a little, almost visualizing the shower and the beer, sitting quietly on the porch.

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

A big advantage of living in Norway is that the heat doesn't feel oppressive. She discovered this last year in her first summer in the country. It's hot, but not like in Spain, so she can work comfortably and does all the daily activities without any problems.

That doesn't mean she doesn't sweat a lot and swear at whatever comes to mind, but Mapi likes working in the Norwegian heat.

Another great advantage that she will soon no longer have is that she lives far away from everything; there are no visitors, no neighbours, no one to see every day and say hello to out of obligation. But Mapi has been noticing more and more noise and movement. She curses about this too and thinks that leaving the cabin is probably for the best.

The sun is still high in the sky and Mapi is out back working on the makeshift wooden chicken coop she put together herself-thanks to an extensive tutorial-and is now taking apart herself. Patri got so teased about it. She misses her, and she just wishes she could send that message telling her she can visit. But words don't write themselves.

She already know that she is going to give the chickens to an organic farm that will keep them outdoors, so there is no point in leaving that pile of wood lying around. The same thing will happen to the nursery.

A familiar red Lotus appears around the bend before reaching the cabin. She sees it from her spot, and doesn't give it much thought. It probably passes by, or it could be Ingrid, who has an identical one, and she could also continue on her way. She doesn't have pleasant thoughts towards the Norwegian, despite knowing that she did nothing wrong against her.

But of course, the car stops at the entrance. Mapi looks out, sees Ingrid get out with all the style she possesses, and hides again while still sawing the wood that will serve for a good fire. Maybe she'll even make a barbecue, she deserves it and it's been a long time since she did. She used to think that a barbecue for herself was no fun but all those thoughts have changed. Now everything is for one person and she likes it.

She's being rude, just like he was with Fridolina or whatever that woman's name is. Only now it's Ingrid, the beautiful black-haired girl who never leaves her head, not even in her dreams, and she's different, she doesn't know how, but she is.

-Maria? -Ingrid calls her.

Mapi sighs suspiciously and peeks out again until Ingrid sees her. She adopts a stony expression, not showing any kind of emotion. It's not because of her sudden attraction, she wants to believe it, it's because she doesn't know what the other woman is looking for.

-Good afternoon-she greets dryly and continues with his business.

-It seems we are destined to meet, Maria.

-Well, it seems to me that you're looking for me because there aren't many neighbors in the area, so it's not about destiny or anything like that.

Well, the last time they saw each other was on the best of terms and now Mapi greets her like this. It's unexpected for Ingrid, who blinks in amazement and puts on one of those sideways smiles she usually puts on. Disturbingly shameless, that's the Spanish girl. And hot. She also has eyes and doesn't hesitate to use them up and down.

-So this is where you live-Ingrid turns around to look at the forest and then at the path that leads to the river-it's very beautiful.

Mapi grunts a response and makes a thud as she throws some wood against another.

-Well, I guess you've already realized that I'm one of the partners in the real estate firm that acquired all of this.

-Yes, I was able to come to that conclusion on my own-she hums without flinching.

When Mapi turns completely towards her, Ingrid's throat goes dry. If she noticed a lot of golden skin and tattoos while she was standing with her back turned almost ignoring her, now, facing her, it's simply too much. But, despite all the skin and muscles, Ingrid is drawn to something else than the sweaty and shiny body, because what takes her absolute interest are the large white scar marks that surround her left knee, it's almost impossible not to notice it if you give her an appreciative look. Could that have to do with the fact that she always wears long pants and now she wears simple cotton shorts?

Mapi notices where Ingrid's gaze is going and doesn't want any questions or anything like that. Also, for the sake of decorum, she takes the shirt she took off an hour before and pulls it over her head to cover her torso in one quick movement.

-Excuse me, I'm not usually so... well, undiplomatic-says Mapi-more or less.

-I think I understand-answers Ingrid, biting her lower lip thoughtfully-I invaded your place, I snatched it from you and on top of that, I showed up uninvited when you clearly weren't expecting anyone.

Ingrid assumed that away from all the places where they had interacted before, Maria could act however she wanted. Apathetic, sullen, suspicious. She might have her beat.

-Yes, I like being alone, actually.

She should bite the tongue, but she's not interested in pretending either, so she turns to stack the rest of the wood, feeling the black-haired gaze on the back of the neck.

-What were you doing? -is the curious question.

-Are you going to tell me what you want, or do I have to buy you a drink for it? I don't know if there's any beer left and I'm a bad hostess.

It's one thing to interact with Ingrid in Gudrun's presence or at the training center with the children hanging around, but having her at home just a few meters away makes her nervous. She doesn't quite say what sense, but it does.

-Talk to you.

-We are talking.

-Mmm, talk about the cabin.

-I'm leaving at the end of this week, I've already packed most of my things, it's very nice of you to worry.

-I'm serious, can we talk?

Mapi stops what she is doing again and turns around again at the impatience in the Norwegian girl  tone. And her eyes go from the piercing green orbs to Ingrid's shoulder where a butterfly is slowly landing.

It's not strange. Butterflies abound at that time and beauty always seeks beauty.

-Wait, you're not moving-says Mapi, approaching very slowly until they are only a few centimeters apart.

-What is it?

-A pretty butterfly wishing you luck, may I?

-Yes-Ingrid hisses, and gulps noticeably when Mapi touches her shoulder, lightly placing her palms on it and bringing their hands together, enveloping the butterfly and then letting it out.

Neither of them misses the shudder that shakes the Norwegian.

-I... I'm sorry, I forget to wear gloves and my hands are always rough-she explains embarrassedly, hiding them behind her body-supposedly if a butterfly lands on any part of your body it means good luck, or a favorable change in your life.

-That's what they say? -Ingrid half-stammers. Maria misinterpreted her reaction, thank goodness.

-Mmm, they say so-Mapi confirms-although I can't tell you if it's true because every time one comes near me, Geri and Freki are there to scare them away so I can't know if it's true.

-Geri and Freki?

-They are my cats, and they love to play with the butterflies when we sit on the porch in the afternoon. There are loads of them.

Ingrid had seen one of the cats sleeping peacefully without any great concern a few minutes earlier. She had already known this from her mother.

-And do you think Odin is happy that two cats bear the names of his powerful wolves?

-Oh, you still don't know my two beasts, they have well-earned their names.

And there it is, a half-joke and that smile that tugs at the corners of the Spanish woman's mouth. Ingrid does smile and finds herself more and more intrigued by her.

Mapi leads the way, they skirt the house, climb the steps and the cat that was lying lazily runs inside, and another one that was inside appears in front of them, quite distrustful, passing between Ingrid's legs without stopping. Oh yes, some beasts to be feared without a doubt.

-I find it hard to understand how these strange animals see life. Either they pay you all their attention or they just ignore you, there is no middle ground-says Mapi opening the door-sorry for the mess.

Mapi dodges a few boxes and out-of-place furniture until she reaches the fridge. She is not very impressed with the contents inside and turns to the Norwegian with a somewhat feigned apology. Maybe that way she will leave faster.

-I don't have any beer, sorry.

-That's what I imagined.

-Oh yeah?

-With the body you have, I doubt very much that you would allow yourself any alcohol.

-Oh, look you.

-I mean, you're a trainer-Ingrid quickly retracts-I assume you follow a strict diet and stuff.

-More or less-Mapi doesn't even pretend that it sounded like flirting so she dismisses it- so, since beer is not possible, water?

-How about a coffee? -says Ingrid, leaning comfortably against the door frame. After all, she wasn't invited in.

-I don't know why that doesn't surprise me. You're addicted to caffeine, right?

-Not at all, I just enjoy the drink.

-About four or five times a day, I could swear. That's addiction.

-It helps me work better.

-One day you'll see that no-Mapi mumbles very confidently-and, um, I'm sorry, I don't have a coffee maker or anything like that. I don't drink coffee.

-But you accepted a coffee from me weeks ago at Mom's house?

-Well, you were being nice… -Mapi scratches the back of her head and looks down.

-Okay, don't worry, I'm going to tell anyone who asks me that you are the best hostess in the world even with the undesirable people who suddenly appear at your door, okay? -Ingrid hums-now can we talk about what I want to talk about?

-Will it be fast? I still have a lot of things to do.

-As I said, the most attentive-Ingrid clicks her tongue in amusement- what were you doing out there?

-I was taking apart a structure-Mapi comes out of the house and now she makes a sign with her hand for her to sit down and she remains standing because it is very obvious that there is only one chair-for my chickens. I put it together last year when I bought them, and I didn't want to leave that pile of things out of place. I'm also going to take care of the plant nursery.

-Do you have a plant nursery? -the Norwegian woman is surprised.

-Well, it's not a great plant nursery, you know, but it looks like one and I have some plants-Mapi gestures suddenly shyly-I was thinking of asking your mother if she's interested in anything.

-That's very kind indeed but listen-Ingrid carefully chooses what she's going to say so that it sounds real-this project I have with Frido doesn't include this cabin. She didn't know until I told her, so there's no need for you to leave the house.

-In that way?

-The cabin and a small part of the surrounding land are my property. I was thinking of, uh... making it a kind of private weekend house-she lies shamelessly and hopes she's convincing-but right now it's not a priority, so are you interested in reaching an arrangement so you can continue living there?

Mapi narrows her eyes with unconcealed distrust.

-What's the catch in all this? Are you serious?

-I do-Ingrid stands up and leans on the porch railing looking out at the horizon.

It was a conversation with Frido that same morning that decided what to do with the cabin. A heated conversation.

Ingrid acted in favor of someone she barely knows when she has always put business first, but something about Mapi, about her way of life, about how her mother adores her and wants to see her well, makes her want to leave her where she is. And that's not even counting the number of questions she asked Caro that remained unanswered.

Frido refused, arguing the need to demolish and have another bungalow there, from the adjacent land that they would lose. Ingrid looked at the plans and studied the project thoroughly, and in the end, they made a very legal transaction in which Ingrid bought a few hectares and would try to finalize the purchase of more land to the north for the bungalow that would be missing. At no point did Frido say anything accusatory until at the end she only asked her to admit that she was dealing with the hot Spanish woman who lives there.

Not in a thousand years, that was not it. She emphatically denied it to her friend.

It's not for Mapi per se. Ingrid does it at Gudrun's request and also because of what she wants to ask her next.

-I can rent it for you, if that's okay with you? Same deal you had with Mr. Hansen-Ingrid turns to Mapi-we can make a contract for a few months and see.

-But why?

Mapi shakes her head in disbelief.

-You're Caro's friend. I'm Caro's friend. And I already told you, I'm not going to prioritize this part of the land for a long time. But, there's something I want to ask you, and I don't want to ask you in exchange for this, but I hope it has an influence.

-I knew it-Mapi says with a smug grin.

-Before saying anything, I want to know, are you going on vacation or will you return to Spain during the summer?

Yes, of course, of course. The days of Ibiza are over for her.

-Eh…not really. I think I'll stay here.

-Look, I guess you feel like resting, but…

-Just say it, Ingrid.

-Okay, well, the cabin will remain yours for as long as you want, but I would like you to continue training Oscar and Frida during the holidays, please?

-What?

-They love playing soccer with you, and honestly, I haven't seen them this happy in a long time. Saturday was magical for both of them, every time they leave your practices they chatter non-stop about all the great things they did and how great Coach Maria is, so I was wondering, could you please continue with them?

-Well, I don't know, you've taken me by surprise. Aren't they going on vacation?

-No.

-And their parents agree?

Mapi notices the tension and sadness mixing in Ingrid's expression, and the hesitation before speaking.

-My sister, she's sick, very sick. And Mom and I thought you'd be a great help. We're all going to try to distract them and get them out of the house for a bit. I suggested to Ada and Karl that we take them camping, but my sister doesn't want them far away. My parents were even thinking of going on a motorhome trip, but they didn't agree either.

-I'm so sorry, Ingrid-Mapi says sincerely, placing one of her rough hands on the Norwegian's arm for a moment and then removing it-you know, I assumed something was wrong but I didn't know what.

-Frida is more introverted than Oscar and all this has been a lot for her. It has been a lot for everyone, clearly, but she is nine years old and does not understand what is going on around her. And Oscar tries to be the protective older brother but he is ten years old…

-Yeah, sure, I understand.

-Why is everything so unfair? How is it that if there is something supreme, how is it that two children are allowed to suffer like this? That a young mother goes through all that.

Mapi doesn't have the answers, she doesn't answer them, but she stays silently next to Ingrid until she finishes wiping away all her tears.

-I'm sorry about that.

-Please don't apologize-Mapi begs- I... God, I don't even have to think about it, okay? I'll gladly help your family. For your sister's family, for Gudrun.

For you. Even without understanding what it means. But words die before they are spoken, even before they are thought through deeply.

-I really appreciate it- Ingrid imitates her by briefly placing her hand on Mapi's arm- I'm going to prepare a lease and your fees. Can I come over one of these days or would you prefer to go into the city?

-You can come in-Mapi confirms-and you don't have to talk about fees with me, seriously.

-No, Maria, I insist.

-Me too, Ingrid, it's not necessary-Mapi says-just let me plan it properly and I'll show you, or their parents, but basically it would be what we already do at the training center. And it can be here, if you agree, I can even take care of looking for them if you can't bring them.

She's being very generous all of a sudden, and Mapi isn't surprised herself, but is she doing it for Gudrun? There's no more logical explanation than that.

-Here?

-It's a quiet place, I don't know, I'm just saying.

-But do you have what you need here?

Mapi snorts and rolls her eyes comically.

-Come with me.

They go down the steps and go around the house again but on the opposite side to discover a small field with goals and cones lined up.

-You are ready for anything.

-Sometimes I like to play against myself, that way no one loses.

Ingrid is captivated by the half-smile and the acidic humor that she gradually perceives in the Spanish woman. And how disinterested she seems when she accepts without hesitation.

-But you don't have to bring Oscar and Frida. God! We would never take advantage of your generosity like that. Maybe I can take care of it or Karl, we'll see.

-Okay, just let me know later.

They walk side by side until they return to the porch. Geri comes out from behind the door and looks curiously and cautiously but does not approach. Mapi bends down to pet her under the chin.

-I don't know how many times I'm going to say it, but thank you very much, Maria.

-I have to give them to you and I haven't even processed the fact that I can stay.

-And you have to build a house for your chickens again-Ingrid snorts.

-That too-Mapi extends her right hand and waits for Ingrid to shake it-thank you very much for letting me stay. I really…really like this place.

-I know. Caro told me.

-Did you talk to her about me?

-Not enough, anything I should know? Do you come out of the woods at night scaring people?

-Not yet but you gave me the idea.

-She didn't tell me much about you, Maria, don't worry. I guess everyone can be as private as they want, right?

-True-Mapi agrees, staring at her longer than she allows herself until she starts to look creepy.

-Well, now I'll leave you alone-Ingrid takes her own long seconds looking at her and takes a few steps closer to the car- Mom will love to hear the good news, she really adores you.

-I'll stop by to visit her soon-Mapi promises, putting her hands in her pockets and swaying slightly as Ingrid opens the door of the Lotus.

-See you tomorrow, Maria.

-See you tomorrow, Ingrid.

If someone, anyone besides Frido, asked her why she made that decision, she would say without hesitation that it was to pay for María's help, as if she had known in advance that the Spanish woman would say yes. But deep down she knows that this is not the whole truth, and the worst thing is that she herself is not sure why she should make that risky maneuver in her business when she always has a cool head to make decisions. It must be something bigger that she still can't understand.

And she hates that which she cannot understand.