Something changed inside me, I’m feeling it
Chat with Patri, October 2025
“Patri G.
¡You! Denies what Caro just told me.
Mapi L.
I don't know what that could be, Patricia.
Patri G.
Do you have chickens? Damn chickens?
Mapi L.
I don't know what the weirdness is.
People here have them
and like them fresh eggs.
Patri G.
You've been there for six months
and you've already done it, a farmer,
what's next, Mapi?
Mapi L.
Drug dealer, what do you think?
Patri G.
Very funny!
They're going to freeze in the winter.
They say they are tough.
Mapi L.
That's what they say. If I survive my first
Norwegian winter, and my chickens
they do it too, I'll send you a shipment
of half a dozen regardless of the cost.
Patri G.
You're a weird tía, Mapi, but still I love you.
I will wait here for your golden ones
eggs.
How's everything going there?
Mapi L.
Pretty good, I like living here.
Ask me the same thing in March.
Patri G.
Your Spanish ass won't take it
the cold, I know what I'm telling you.
We miss you anywayI, t's not the same
around here. Before It was all so good
with you here.
Mapi L.
… ”
Mapi spent a quiet weekend, like every weekend for over a year, and she is only grateful for it. It is not that spending a few hours in company is unpleasant, after all, she likes Gudrun, but she felt the urgent need to take refuge at home as soon as she left there, as if she were being pursued by something impossible to understand.
Neither going out for a run to burn off energy nor having an improvised picnic by the river on Sunday could take away the feeling; and the worst was when she returned in the afternoon, when she was overcome by the typical Sunday excitement that she had not yet completely escaped, nostalgia and sadness mixed together playing around her.
The rest of the days go by more quickly, but there is something about Sundays that makes her undeniably melancholic and full of memories against her will. They usually played matches on Sundays, and she can't help but think about what her former teammates would be doing, what she would be doing if she were still in Barcelona, their rituals before each match.
And apart from that, although her solitude is carefully chosen, she rarely thinks about whether it will be like this forever or whether she will ever return to the simple and loving core of her parents, friends, the girls she considers sisters; whether there will ever be anyone again.
That last thought is what makes her shudder more than she should because she doesn't want to go through it all again. Ever.
It's Monday and very early, she slept relatively well, she has breakfast outside admiring her surroundings and wondering how long she'll have it; she gets angry with Geri for breaking another cushion by scratching it and her anger passes instantly as she covers her with kisses.
She thinks about spending part of the afternoon looking for a new house, there must be some adverts floating around waiting for her to find it, and if something comes up she can always go for a tour. But she is undecided as to what to do with the chickens and the attempt at a nursery if a flat in Trondheim comes up, she doesn't think she'll be lucky enough to find a place like her current one. She scolds herself for getting so attached and devoting herself so much to a place that is not hers and never will be.
Mapi drives calmly to the training ground, prepares the materials to be used, changes into the appropriate equipment and plays with a ball for a while. That is the only constant that has never changed in her life: a ball at the feet.
When the little football players start arriving, the morning improves considerably. She informs the parents about the soccer tournament, requests signed authorizations and the uniforms for each team. Since no one can decide on anything in particular, she puts it to a vote for a couple of days.
-Bayern München.
-Real Madrid.
-Barcelona.
All of these teams are cheered on with fervor.
-Manchester City-adds Oscar.
She shouldn't, she knows she shouldn't, but she feels a slight inclination towards Oscar and Frida, because of the sense of protection they inspire in her, so she keeps a closer eye on them because she senses that something is wrong with the children. Asking Gudrun is not an option, she would be crossing boundaries and trust, and she senses that the older woman also has her problems. Mapi is good at reading people.
Karl greets her kindly when he drops them off and the children follow him with their eyes the whole time. And when it's time to pick them up, the same thing happens as last week: they stay with her for a while, she entertains them and talks to them about Spain and how different everything is there.
Their eyes light up when the tall black-haired girl appears, almost out of breath, to take them away and they run towards her. Mapi is not left breathless, perhaps her breathing becomes a little short at the sight, and her cheeks color. Oh, she should have already gotten over that stage of being attracted to unattainable women. That happened to her in her teens and she left it behind a long time ago.
Ingrid looks like she came straight from work or the office with black tailored trousers and a soft pink shirt that hugs every curve, and it's worth saying that there are many. Her black hair is barely tousled and exquisitely long and silky, ideal for sinking your fingers into for long hours just for pleasure.
-I'm sorry-says Ingrid-I wasn't paying attention to the time.
-Don't worry, your husband told me it would probably take you a while.
-My…husband?
-Yes-Mapi answers casually without noticing Ingrid's confusion-don't worry, I can always wait a little and Oscar and Frida behave very well.
-Do they don't give you much work?
-Nothing out of the ordinary, and usually at this age they are restless, so…
-I'm glad to hear it-Ingrid murmurs, staring at her too intently, admiring every muscle she doesn't really care about.
-They really like it when you train them.
Mapi nods and remains silent.
-Was mom's cake good?
-Yes, a lot-Mapi murmurs without a smile or anything, in a polite tone.
-Well, I think I'm getting jealous quickly because of the clear affection towards you-the black-haired laughs without knowing where all this comes from, as if she just wanted to chat with this impassive woman-I thought I was her favorite daughter.
-Mmm, I think they say that no good parents has favorites.
-I'll remind her-Ingrid winks at her and turns around ready to leave.
Mapi says goodbye to the three of them and high-fives Oscar. Frida waves and watches them go. And only when they are out of sight does she allow herself to let out a long, contained sigh.
And so every day of that week goes by, with the Norwegian girl going to pick them up, with Mapi gulping every time she sees her in office clothes and relegating the sensations to oblivion.
Mapi is in the uncertainty of not knowing when she has to vacate the cabin and she saw an option for a house in Melhus that is not even close to what she wants but she cannot afford to choose carefully either, and Trondheim is bigger, which implies more hustle and bustle and people.
On Saturday morning, she is packing some things, having already made a small deposit on the house in Melhus, when an unknown luxury car pulls up in the driveway and an equally unknown blonde gets out.
-God morgen-the blonde comes forward to shake her hand-det er en glede å møte deg. Er Fridolina Rolfö.
-Hallo. Er Maria.
Her accent, lack of practice and hesitation surely give her away because the blonde immediately asks:
-Spanish?
-Yes, I am.
-I'm bad at speaking Spanish, sorry, is English okay?
Mapi nods and puts her hands in her pockets without inviting her in, distrustful; and she doesn't want to sound rude but she doesn't want to beat around the bush either.
-Who are you and what do you want?
- Yes, I was getting to that. Surely Mr. Hansen told you about the sale of the land on which this cabin is located.
Mapi immediately stiffens and nods again. She was right to be suspicious.
-My business partner and I have a real estate group that we recently acquired. The papers were signed this week and I only had time to talk to you today. Mr. Hansen put a lot of work into it for me.
-How considerate-Mapi mutters without a trace of irony-but you don't have to worry, I'm packing my things and, if you give me a week, everything will be in order.
-Oh, so you already have a new place to stay?
-Something like that-says Mapi without going into details.
-Well, I was just coming to talk to you about that-Fridolina looks around but since they haven't offered her a seat and apparently they aren't going to, she leans against the porch railing- as Mr. Hansen asked us, in consideration of our friendship with his daughter, if we could give you a period of time to vacate, we...
-It's really not necessary…-Mapi interrupts.
-Are you sure? -Fridolina squints her eyes taking a few seconds-if I'm not mistaken, I'm looking at something like a nursery, what are you going to do with it? And... those chickens that are running around?
-I'll take care of it.
-Okay-the blonde's tone doesn't seem convincing-but we can give you a convenient deadline, I don't know, three weeks?
Mapi shakes her head negatively.
-Are you Caro's friend?
-No, no, my partner un bussisnes and friend, she…
-Okay, well, if that's all-Mapi clears her throat, letting her know that she can leave now.
The Swede is frankly amused and exasperated by the rude woman in front of her. She didn't expect such reticence but it doesn't surprise her either. She says goodbye politely and gets into the car ready to send a message to Ingrid about how well off she got out of having to go talk to her.
Mapi makes a habitual grimace of displeasure that she has already adopted as her own when she sees her walk away and enters the house to continue putting things away in boxes, books mostly, the occasional nice painting she has bought at the market stalls.
She half regrets the way she treated the woman, but then thinks that kindness is a bit overrated, and if she has to show displeasure towards someone she dislikes, then does it. It's worse to put on a kind face and have it be fake.
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
Sometimes she deliberately avoids the village market and sometimes she likes to wander around for a while, looking and browsing, buying fresh fruit and vegetables or stopping to admire intricate and beautiful flower arrangements.
And from experience she knows that the weekends are when it is most crowded.
So on Thursdays when she doesn't have practice with the kids, she stops by to pick up a few things.
She approaches a flower seller and, even though she has already ordered the same thing before, she turns to the translator on her phone to practice. She may never be able to make herself understood properly.
-Unnskyld meg, jeg vil ha…vil ha bukett… bukett? -Mapi frowns at the look of the saleswoman who surely doesn't understand her stupid pronunciation and she decides not to take the easy way out of pointing at the arrangement and having her hand it to her, she really wants to learn to speak Norwegian.
-Ja, hvilken vil du ha? (Yes, which one do you want?)
-Mmm, roser?
Damn, Norwegian and the complicated words.
Mapi feels a warm presence at her side and a silky, deep voice speaking close to her ear.
-Do you need help?
She jumps at Ingrid's sudden appearance and her offer to act as translator. Is Melhus small enough to pass her in the market on any given day of the week?
-Well, it's hard for me to ask for a simple bouquet of flowers-confesses Mapi.
-What do you want to order?
-Tulips, roses and daisies.
-Do you want me to say it slowly and then you can tell the saleswoman? - asks Ingrid kindly.
-No, no, it's okay. I'd appreciate it if you asked me.
The only thing she's missing is more embarrassment than she already has in front of this woman.
Ingrid turns around and addresses the woman.
-Unnskyld meg, jeg vil ha en bukett med tulipaner, roser og tusenfryd. (Excuse me, I want a bouquet of tulips, roses and daisies)
Something in the posture or the voice or the words coming out in a rush that she doesn't fully understand make a singular heat spread throughout Mapi's body. She ignores the sensation, dismisses it, downplays it. She knows she feels attracted and that's all, there's nothing more to it than that. A natural reaction to a beautiful woman. A beautiful woman married, with two children. That thought alone is enough to cool down even the hottest volcano.
Mapi pays for the bouquet and thanks the saleswoman as best she can.
Ingrid is drinking coffee and Mapi is coming to the quick conclusion that she must be addicted to caffeine. And the black-haired girl certainly notices where her eyes went, because she says:
-Would you like a coffee?
-No, I appreciate it-Mapi swallows and avoids all eye contact, wondering if it would be best to say goodbye and leave already, and buy vegetables another day.
-Frida and Oscar are very excited about Saturday's tournament, I think they talk about nothing else.
-I have no merit in that, it is all a matter of the organization of the municipality.
-Well, but I mean, you're the one who trains them.
-Yes, of course. You know, there was a big discussion about which clubs to represent-Mapi always speaks calmly with everyone but he doesn't seem to be able to do so in Ingrid's presence-Oscar was happy with Manchester City's choice to wear Haaland's shirt.
-He's a big fan-admits Ingrid-but Frida and I like Barcelona better.
-Really? -Mapi's eyes light up at that.
-Sure, it's probably been a few years, but I went to a match at the Camp Nou against Real Madrid. It was a great show. The big stars like Messi and Neymar were playing.
Of course it was a men's team game. For a split second, Mapi wishes she would talk about the women's team, that she would tell her that she once saw her play or watched one of her games. Mapi doesn't quite understand it, the sudden desire, when being anonymous is all she wants to remain.
-Are you always here? -Ingrid thinks that it came out like one of those silly pick-up lines that she usually makes fun of, and regrets it. The woman will think that she is flirting with her, nothing could be further from the truth, so she corrects herself -I mean, I thought you lived in Trondheim.
She quickly realizes that Maria thinks she has a husband so there's no way she can believe she's flirting with her.
-No, I actually live here, and I'm moving to the village...
-Maria! -Gudrun exclaims, making her usual sudden appearances. Gudrun always exclaims with obvious pleasure when she sees her and Mapi touches her heart.
-Gudrun-greets her with a kiss and a hint of a smile.
-I'll help you with the bags, mamma- Ingrid takes them from her despite protests-she always says she can do anything and then I hear complaints about sore arms all day long.
Mapi snorts and looks around at the nearby stalls, ready to flee.
-I heard you're moving, what happened to your cabin?
-Oh, how quickly everything is known around here-the Spanish woman mumbles.
-It's a small town-Gudrun defends herself, taking her arm to walk a little-and since we don't see each other much and you don't visit me, I have to know through gossip that you're moving.
-I've been busy with that matter- Mapi sees Ingrid out of the corner of her eye walking a step behind her-a friend was renting me her father's cabin, but they sold it recently, so I just... I have to get out of there. Apparently, there's a big real estate project underway.
Ingrid coughs and clears her throat, and Mapi wonders if she chokes on coffee so often, because if so, it's strange that she's made it to adulthood without complications, considering she must drink two or three a day. It's the kind of sour thought she'll never say out loud.
-So, a project? -Gudrun hisses, very interested.
-I don't know the woman who showed up on Saturday, but I'm sure she's not from here. I just hope they do something good with the land.
-You like living there, don't you?
-A lot, but it was never mine-Mapi answers calmly-now I'm going to stay in the town.
-And why not Trondheim? -asks Ingrid curiously-I mean, you work there…
-It has never been an option-being a woman of few words, Mapi feels that she talks too much and she can't help it-when I accepted the job, the sports department offered me a flat in the city. At the same time my friend Caro told me about her parents' unused cabin and they rented it to me. It was more suitable for me.
Ingrid's cheeks are rosier than usual and she avoids looking at Gudrun or Mapi, as if she has too many things going through her head.
Mapi thinks it's a great time to say goodbye, but Gudrun doesn't let her go that easily.
-Now that you'll be more within my reach, you're not going to escape, do you realize? Afternoons of chats and sweet cakes, lunches and dinners.
-Well…
-Seriously, Maria, you lived so alone and far from everything.
-Mamma! You're going to scare her-Ingrid refrains from adding that that's probably what Maria wanted, to be far away, as if she knew or her intuition didn't fail her.
-And we can organize meetings so you can meet someone-Gudrun continues, wrapped up in her wishes for everyone to achieve happiness- we have many friends and acquaintances, and it's always nice to have a partner, don't you think?
Mapi doesn't bother to say no, because she's sure it would lead to more questions. She hangs her head and longs to escape. She likes Gudrun but sometimes she makes her feel overwhelmed by not knowing what to say so as not to cause offence.
-Don't pay attention to her-Ingrid intervenes, downplaying her mother's point-she likes to control everything and match everyone up, but you don't have to play along with her.
Mapi nods and shifts nervously from one foot to the other.
-We'll see-she finally stammers, just to say something.
She doesn't delay her farewell any longer nor does she look too long at someone she shouldn't look at, and after a short greeting and the promise to meet on Saturday, she leaves in a hurry, forgetting about the rest of the shopping he had to do.
-Yes, yes, come on, say it-Ingrid sighs when the Spanish woman is already out of sight.
-You left Maria without her home. Ingrid, couldn't it have been done any other way?
-It's business, Mamma, and I swear I didn't know it was about her until she mentioned it ten minutes ago.
-I guess Frido was the one who talked to her.
-Yes, and now that I think about it, Frido mentioned a distrustful and unapproachable woman. The description matches, don't you think? -Ingrid omits the other part of the sentence in which Frido also said that because of her attitude she seemed to have a stick up her butt.
-Maria is very sweet-Gudrun replies, as they both leave the market-reserved, silent, but very sweet.
-How do you know that if you barely see her?
-I know, I've gotten to know her a little. Plus, she adopted two kittens I offered her without hesitation, that counts-the older woman pointed out- but I'm worried about her leaving the cabin, I know she has chickens, plants and that she loves living there. She talks about the place with such affection.
-That's a shame.
-She may seem tough on the outside, but I think she really feels very lonely.
-Maybe she likes it. Feeling alone is not the same as wanting to be alone.
-I think that someone who escapes from her country and comes to bury herself in the middle of the Norwegian forest, almost in the middle of nowhere, is hiding something very deep.
-Mmm, maybe she was attracted to a good job with a good salary, who tells you?
-You leave the speculations and the financial side to your job-Gudrun mutters-my concern is real and I am going to help María. She's going to get help sooner or later.
-Oh, mamma, you and your charitable works-Ingrid denies softly-leave the woman alone.
-Ingrid, can't you really do anything?
-I repeat, it's business. We need the land for the bungalows, and I can't make exceptions or find a way to help her. Right now, I don't have the plans in my head, but the cabin would be irremediably surrounded.
Gudrun says nothing more and she and Ingrid continue their walk to the house. Ingrid is divided between the office in Trondheim on the days when her nephews have practice to pick them up and stay in Melhus on the days when they don't, to take care of the construction work.
Thoughts swirl one after another during the short journey.
It turns out that Maria is Caro's friend. What kind of connection could there be? Caro is a footballer, but Maria? She looks young and doesn't look like a football player, so maybe one thing has nothing to do with the other. Although she is a coach...
Ingrid is barely intrigued but not too much, so finding out is not in her plans or interests.
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
Mapi is very nervous. Oh, damn nerves that seize her senses. It's because of the number of parents waiting and some authorities, of course.
It's not like I didn't do the same thing last year. But last year there wasn't a beautiful black-haired girl watching from the stands of the small football field.
It's nonsense to feel the attraction she feels. She curses in Spanish many times as if it helps ands she concentrates.
Each family arrives and settles down wherever they like, and the place starts to fill up with Manchester City and Barcelona shirts. In addition, there are two more mixed teams from neighboring cities wearing Arsenal and Rosemborg shirts.
It is a small quadrangular game that will last a few hours and Mapi and the children are excited about it.
-Coach Maria, I’m Haaland! -Oscar arrives running and jumping and imitates the Norwegian's goal celebration.
-Oh, Erling, you're going to celebrate a lot of goals today-says Mapi, ruffling his hair.
She greets Karl, Gudrun and Ørjan and inevitably looks back to find Ingrid, but to no avail.
Frida is quiet and wearing a Barcelona shirt that is just a size too big and looks beautiful on her.
-Are you okay? -Mapi crouches down to her level as he always does.
-I'm nervous-the child whispers.
-Me too, but it's okay to be nervous, you know?
-But you're already grown up.
-We adults also get nervous all the time and it's okay. Once you get out on the field, take a deep breath and little by little things will go away.
Karl gives Mapi a grateful look and sketches a thank you while leaving a kiss on the top of Frida's head.
-Her mother can't be there today and that has a lot of influence-he murmurs, sadly, when the children walk away with their grandparents- Oscar takes it better, but Frida doesn't fully understand it.
Mapi is about to reply that she is very sorry when Ingrid walks in-it would be impossible not to notice her entrance-and she searches in all directions until she finds them, and smiles with relief.
-For a moment I thought it had already started.
-Always on time-laughs Karl-Maria, you already know my sister-in-law, right? She has helped Ada and me a lot by picking up the children in the past few days.
Of course, the mere mention of it makes Mapi furrow her eyebrows in concentration. She remembers that the papers of the two children have the names of their parents. Karl and Ada. Not Ingrid. And didn't Gudrun mention a couple of times that she has two daughters and a son?
-Yes, of course, we know each other- she confirms and a single look at Ingrid lets her know that the woman is aware of his confusion.
-I'm sorry, I guess I never found the time to clarify it-the black-haired whispers.
-Don't worry-Mapi swallows and avoids the green eyes.
The children approach their-now they know-aunt and she hugs them and showers them with loud kisses.
And Mapi suddenly runs out of breath. Frida's Barcelona shirt. The name on her back.
-There's someone here who's going to score a lot of goals-Ingrid points to Oscar with a big smile-and you, Frid?
-I'm going to stop them-she answers, more encouraged by the arrival of the brunette.
-Oh, a forward and a defender, it seems we have a rivalry brewing, huh-Ingrid notices the name behind Frida-will you be María León today?
If anyone is watching her, they will probably notice Mapi's sudden pallor, although the next second, she feels her face burning. María León. Her own name sounds strange.
-Who is she?
-A player. Tante Ingrid's friend sent me two t-shirts as a gift-explains Frida to her grandfather-she told me that she was a great defender, right, Tante Ingrid?
-That's right, she played for Barcelona-says Ingrid-Caro still plays there and we were recently in contact, so she only sent them to Frid when I mentioned that she started playing.
'Caroline Graham Hansen joker, who would have thought?' thinks Mapi.
-And her name is like you, Coach! - exclaims Frida with her face lit up.
It would be so easy for any of them to read the log or papers signed at the beginning of training and see her full name, but luckily for her, none of them have done so.
-Well, Maria is a fairly common name in Spain, little one-she answers evasively.
Mapi apologizes for finalizing the details and be able to begin the meetings without further delay.
It turns out that there is now a little girl wearing her shirt from when she played for Barça. And it also turns out that the beautiful black-haired woman is not her mother nor is she married to Karl, which leaves open the possibility…
Possibility of what, for God's sake? Mapi scolds herself over and over and over again as she leaves balls lined up on the side of the field. She's good at suppressing emotions, she can suppress attraction and desire that won't lead anywhere. Forget about Ingrid, not think about Ingrid, ignore Ingrid, set limits with Ingrid.