Cries of deserted birds.

Mary, 1st September 1975

Mary liked a lot of things. She was like that by nature, it was hard to dislike and easy to love. When most people judged, Nary liked to try. Sometimes she earned from it, but other times she regretted it.

All things aside, mary never regretted her decision to love.

Her dark curls fell past her shoulders, while she sat in their little room. It was hers, Marlene´s and Lily's. They had another roommate in the beginning of first year, Edith. She had demanded to be switched to another dorm when she had realised that Mary and Lily happened to be muggle-borns. Lily had been very hurt, she recalled, but mary hadn't. She had never cared for people who deemed her unfit for whatever a witch was supposed to be. She had been a bit angry, but not sad, angry only because Editch had hurt Lily. Being born Black, had at least prepared her for the prejudice in the wizarding world.

A year later, Edith had been transferred to Durmstrang, a school that banned muggle-borns in attendance.

It was only the three of them, and Mary was quite content with that. It gave them more space anyway. The empty space of a bed had been replaced with a big space at the end of the room, lily had named it the cushy corner. Mary had laughed back then when Lily named it, but she liked the name now, it had grown on her. They had even put some furniture there; Marlene had bought a big dark burgundy sofa from Hogsmeade, Lily a small bookcase out of wood and Mary had nicked a Persian carpet from the dungeons, but if anyone asked her it was a gift from her sister.

Lily was in a prefect meeting, she and Remus had made prefects. To no one's surprise, Lily was a star student. Best in their year in fact, though Remus made a good competitor. Remus was smart, but he also didn't have the best track record if one looked at the number of detentions he´d had. All because of silly stunts and gags, not completely silly though, Mary could appreciate a good prank, as long as she wasn't the victim. Mary liked Remus, they were friends, not as close as he and Lily. While the two of them were very similar, Remus and Mary were not as alike, but she always appreciated talking with him and their differences made it interesting.

So Marlene and Mary sat on the burgundy sofa, talking about everything. She hadn't seen Marlene at all summer. And she had missed her best friend terribly. It was quite awful to live so far away from her. Marlene lived in Scotland, she had so her entire life. And well Mary lived in Luton, she had lived there for two years, but she was a London girl by heart. She was born there and had lived in a small apartment in hackney till her family was forced to move out of the city when the cost of living was higher than what they could afford. She didnt dislike Luton, but it didnt feel like home to her. The distance between Luton and Aberdeen was too far for either of them to see the other during summer.

Mary had to admit, she had been a bit surprised seeing Marlene's new style. But also not at all, the style was just her personality in clothes, which mary was always a supporter of. Marlene was a special person, and her style reflected that.

Mary loved her friends, she loved them as much as her family to her mothers' disappointment. Whenever Mary was home, her mother would complain about her being away too much, or spending too much time with her friends. To be fair, her mother was sort of right, but she couldn't help it. It was just the way she was.

She had one older sibling and two younger ones. Her older sister, Kalisa, was a proper Christian girl, she was married to a religious teacher. He was honestly a bit of a creep and her sister could do much better. Mary and Kalisa's relationship had been strained ever since she had found out Mary was a witch, she thought it went against gods words. Bullocks that is. Sean and Trinika were twins, and two years younger than Mary. She had a better bond with them, though she only saw them during summer, it had never been weird returning to them. They had always thought Mary's magic was the coolest anyway.

“Do you think Lily was a bit weird today?” she asked her friend, after filling each other in about their summers.

“Dunno, maybe a tad to be honest wiv´ya, ” Marlene answered her. “D´ya have a row ´gain?”

“Mm, not really,” that was a lie. Or not a complete truth at least. Something had happened. Not a fight to be exact, but worse in marys opinion. She didnt want to tell her friend about it, no, she'd rather forget.

It had happened during summer. They had begged their parents, and thankfully in the end they were allowed to travel to London alone for a week. Lily and her. They had wanted Marlene to come with, but she hadn't been allowed to, apparently, Marlene had been wanted at home all summer. As much as a bummer that was. They went without her. Lily had never been to London so Mary wanted to make the most of it. And show her all the best of the city she adored.

She was from Leeds, a small town in Leeds. The poor girl was a Neighbour of Snape, she deserved a week away from the bastard.

Since Remus lived in London he was glad to join and followed them everywhere. Even when they went to women's clothing shops he went with and glimpsed at everything with novelty. Mary wanted to shop, but Lily wanted to go to museums and historical sites. In the end, they had compromised.

Which was why they found themselves in an odd little museum Remus had bought them to. It was in an old building in a back alley. No one would have expected a museum to be here out of all places.

“Where did you find out ´bout this place?” Mary had asked sceptically when they entered the tall door.

Remus had smiled cheekily, “Jus´ heard bout it round, ya know, people talk,” he vaguely said. And Mary didn´t ask more, 'cause she knew she wouldn't get more out of the secretive lad.

They had to walk down many stairs until they finally arrived at a small clerk. A man with gentle eyes smiled at them. “Three tickets? what section would ye like access to?” he asked all three, but looked up at the boy.

“Yeah three, we´d like full access to all,” Remus answered for them, scrambling in his pockets for some quids. Lily took up her wallet but Remus refused to let her pay. “´s on me,” he mumbled still searching his pockets.

“It's alright rem—” Mary tried, 'cause she recognised the look he had on his face.

“Found it, ´ere,” Remus told as he put a tenner on the desk. The man smiled and handed them three tickets, “enjoy you dear folks” the man said and winked at them. It would have been weird if it wasn't for the fact that they were in a bizarre underground museum.

“You didn´t have to love,” Mary spoke while walking in front of him with Lily.

“Wanted to, am I not allowed to treat my favourite girls every once in a while,” he said as he walked in between the girls grabbing each one of their arms. Remus was so tall he had to slightly bend to do so.

“Such a gentleman,” mary purred leaning on his arm.

Remus smiled, “only for you dear,” he was such a sweetheart. She truly wished it could have been him.

“You two would actually make quite the couple ye know?” Lily said with a mischievous smile lurking. Why did she have to look so right while saying something so wrong? Cause she couldn't have been more wrong.

“Hmm, what you say Remrem want us to be the power couple of Gryffindor tower?” she batted her lashes, playing along.

“Sure love, maybe it would make my mam stop nagging bout findin´ me a girl?” he joked as well, and the two girls laughed wholeheartedly on his behalf. They had met Hope Lupin earlier that same week, she was a small and thin woman with a lovable personality. When she found out Lily and Mary were there for her son, she almost had a stroke. Out of delight of course. She had called Mary daughter multiple times, but she was also welsh and had a strong accent, so Mary might have misunderstood. They had stayed over for dinner and ate lamb chops with Remus and his mam, his father hadn't been there.

Lily hummed, “I mean it tho, it would be lovely, my two best friends, together,”

Mary looked at her now, “Sure you don't want all this for yourself?” she meant Remus of course.

The redhead didn't respond, instead, she blinked her emerald eyes at Mary. She had never believed such eyes could exist, even the colour made her doubt. How could she be human?

“Enough with the flirtin´, let´s eye some historical art.” Remus dragged them along into the exhibit.

And so they did, or Remus and Lily did at least. They walked up to different exhibitions and discussed them. It was a bit impressive to watch the two biggest swots she knew in action. Mary wasn't completely bored, some of the things there were sort of cool. Lily had taken her camera with her, a muggle camera, and took some pictures of Mary posing in odd poses in front of odder sculptures. Remus, the camera-shy, had even joined some of the pictures.

Mary had lost her friends in the maze of the museum, and she was walking alone. She was in an aisle, a very special aisle. She quickly realised what it was she was watching. Historical queers. Was it real? Or even allowed? On display like this for all to see?

There was no sign that read the exact words because that surely had to be illegal. But Mary could tell what she was seeing, she recognised it as what had tormented her for the last months, it was her feelings in form of something physical.

She was alone there, and she observed the exhibitions now. Without cracking a joke or just eyeing its cover, no she was actually watching it. It was small, a small display in a small room but nothing had felt bigger before.

What drew her attention was a very small sculpture, which was put in a glass. It was in colours, bright colours. It was of a girl and another girl. A dark one, black, whatever you'd call it, she looked like Mary and she was uncovered kissing another girl. The other girl was beautiful as well, she was brown, but with flaming hair, and she was nude as well. And though mary had surpassed a lot of nude bodies earlier with her two friends, this felt different. More right in a way. Their lips not only touching but feeling each other. Mary adored it.

She knew why she liked it so, she was not that disconnected from her emotions. The dark-haired girl knew she fancied her friend. But it could never be said out loud. Least of all to her. She didnt believe Lily shared the sentiment anyway. And feelings went away. They weren't meant to last forever. There was nothing wrong with loving, but god it could be so distressing.

There was a small text beside the sculpture, like with most of the other exhibitions here. Entwined lovers of 1923, it read. And the title really was true to its words, they didnt look like two, but merely one. And that had to be the most beautiful thing about it. The sculpture had been made by a sapphic from India. It had apparently been a gift, from the artist to her lover. The lover had been her muse. Until they broke apart, forced apart. The muse married a man, an English man. And the lovers were no longer entwined. They had been doomed from the start, being women who loved in the 1920s. Must have been even harder back then.

Mary had considered stealing the small figure, it seemed easy enough. She had nicked a dress once before, but only since the owner was a known bigot, and the dress did look rather stunning on her. Stealing wasn't something she did often, especially not something like this. This was so personal and precious, and Mary knew she couldn't. She lifted the glass and carefully took up the sculpture, it was so small she could hold it in one hand. She wasn't going to steal it, she just wanted to observe it, closer. The colours were even more vibrant in her hand.

She was stuck up in her own head, she didnt realise how long she´d stood there till her thoughts were suddenly interrupted.

“Mary— finally, I found you, god me and Remus searched everywhere for you— oh, I don´t think we have seen this part?” she interrupted like a flash, and Lily stood there. Mary faced her, forgetting completely what she had in her hand. “What's that Mars?”

Mary did not answer, instead, she looked at her friend, and her deep brown eyes met her green ones.

Lily's eyebrow quirked up in confusion and her gaze fell down to the sculpture, her eyes went slightly wide when she realised what it was she was seeing. But her eyes didn't move away. They stayed on it. The thing in Mary´s hands. The silence was intense and anything but quiet. She could feel the unspoken words in the air.

Eventually, the freckled girl looked around her at her surroundings. And if she was surprised she was very good at hiding it, her face remained neutral. “Glad you found somethin´ you liked in this museum,” was all she said.

Really, that's all? Mary had prepared herself for a dramatic confession of feelings, or at least a confession of identity. Maybe it was for the better. If they ignored it just a little longer.

“Mmm, this arts more interesting than the corpses you two were watchin,” mary joked, humour often helped.

Lily forced a laugh, she could tell. It was the sort she heard when she was chatting with a teacher or just anyone who wasn't her friend. “It's called mummies, you know that Mary,”

“Tell that to them,” she shrugged, putting back the small statuette into the glass box. Carefully of course.

She walked towards the door, and Lily followed quickly after. “You do know you´re not supposed to touch the exhibits?” she asked

But she was not planning on telling Marlene this, not yet anyway. She still had time. Lily had not told the blonde anything, which was a good sign. Right?

“Yeah marls, it was alrite, me and her, Remus was with us too, not all the time but still.” mary told her.

“Hm, Lupin, he lives in London, real city boy eh,” Marlene nodded, questioning.

“He lives in Newham yes, east London,” mary clarified to her.

“Dunno where it is, ´s it muggle or wizard?”

“Muggle, Me and Lils visited, we met his mum”

She laughed, “oh really? What was she like, was she as tall as the wanker?” she asked

“You won't believe me when I say– she is the shortest woman I've ever met,”

“No feckin´ way, you takin the piss?”

“Seriously marls, I mean it. They looked alike as well, must get the height from his dad,” she concluded though she had never seen Lyall Lupin.

“Very sweet lady though,” she hummed.

“Sirius lives in London,” Marlene mumbled.

She did know that. The house of Black was located in London, Islington to be exact. She knew London like the back of her hand. Even though Sirius rarely talked about his home, he had told her. When she had gotten a letter from her mum one time in her second year, she informed her that they had to move out of the city. Mary had been shattered, to be honest, she was sad, and she was leaving her childhood home without being able to do anything. All because of money, even as a witch she couldn't help. She had felt hopeless then, what was the point of magic if she couldn't fix her problems with it? Sirius had comforted her, he had hugged her and she remember how he had sat with her on the stone floor in the abounded girls' lavatory on the second floor.

She had cried her eyes out, she recalled. She might have been a tad dramatic, but she was just a little girl, who missed her mother, her home and her sister. Sirius had told her about his London, about how he only knew his home and had never seen the outside of Islington. It had been a turning point in their friendship because prior to this mary hadn't seen any emotional depth from Sirius. She had the same view of him as Lily did, a conceited loud prick, but that changed when she really saw Sirius black for what he was, and she cherished it.

“He does yeah, but couldn't meet up, you know his family innit,” mary stretched her legs, how long had they sat here?

“Bloody nightmare, the lot of 'em,” Marlene would never say it in front of him, but she was right. His family were like that, supremacists. Haters to the core. Their hatred for muggles and muggle-borns alike was dreadful, and mary had never wanted to curse someone more when she watched them with their inflated egos.

“It's gettin' late, wheres lily?”

“Prefect meeting running late prolly,” Mary assumed and Marlene nodded, seeming to accept that explanation.

“Meadowes didnt make prefect, ya´ hear?” Marlene instead asked. She could hear from the way she talked that the girl was smiling while saying so.

Not this again.

Mary gave a faint sight, “mhm, you glad for that?” Truth is that mary never understood the relationship between them. They were apparently rivals, but both eyed each other when the other wasn't looking. It had been something mary discovered over the years. All the hate was a barrier between them and mary couldn't wait to see how that would play out.

“Not glad, no, more like– pleased, yeah pleased, I think she´d make a shite prefect,” the corner of her lips was slightly curved.

Mary almost laughed, but she knew better and held back. God how could someone be this oblivious, but she didnt want to judge. “And you´d make a good one?” she said instead.

“Im a punk, and id make a better one, that's got to speak volumes,” she mumbled, “im the superior one on the pitch anyway,”

“Cause that's all that matters, sports and all,” she joked but she also sort of meant it. Ever since her friends got into the sport it was no way out of it. Especially the weeks around matches. She never understood it, but luckily she still had Remus and Lily by her side, also Rez. They were still friends, sort of.

“Don't judge before ye try Maryan.”

“You'll never catch me tryin´ Magdalena.”

Marlene groaned, she did that every time mary called her that. “That's not even my name your cow, how do you even get Magdalena out of Marlene? ”

The dark-haired girl ignored her friend's protest, “but it's cute, Maryan and Magdalena, like the apostle from the bible.” When she found out she was a witch it was hard to believe in god, but she sometimes couldn't help it, raised catholic and all.

“Who?” Marlene looked like a question mark.

“An icon who I, unfortunately, will never meet,” she sighed hopelessly.

“I assume this is the woman you were named after?”

“Nah I was named after the other Mary,” she explained. “Virgin Mary,” she added with a small smirk on display.

Marlene snorted, “Only if ur mam had known.”

She threw a cushion at her friend.“Oi– im an angel, ill have ya know;” it wasn't true but she wanted it to be.

Marlene caught the cushion and threw it back harder than she had received it, probably because she had a beaters strength and mary didnt. “Let's ask half the guys in Hufflepuff aye?”

“SHUT UP MARLENe— You are not supposed to talk about it, fucking hell, you know it was a mistake and im very much over their sort,” mary blurted.

Marlene was now laying on her back on the sofa howling with laughter. “And everyone believes that,” she said in between the laughs.

“I know, let's ask your brother hm?” mary said smugly, which made Marlene shut up immediately and stand up.

She stared at her black-haired friend with her eyes all wide. “You bitch Mary! That's feckin gross, I will not listen to ye talk bout me fool of a brother,” Marlene protested.

Before Marlene had the chance to tackle her with pillows, she said “Jokin! I was joking marls, calm down you maniac.”

“Good,” she said with a toothy smile, one of her teeth in the bottom corner had fallen out during the summer. So her smile looked even quirkier. It was charming, in a way. “Don't ye even share any details of yer time as a couple, im still traumatised bout that period of life.” She fake gagged, her charm all gone.

“Course,” Mary only said.

“The boys I've dated don't define me right marls?” she found the words spilling out of her mouth.

“Nae, you define you. What's a couple of blokes compared to Mary Macdonald,” Marlene reassured her.

She smiled at the flattery, despite not fully believing her. “Yeah I know, but I don't want people to see me, and only see someone's ex.”

Marlene paused for a second. Looking into the air as if she was thinking hard. “I get it, but people will see ya how they want to see ya.” It was terrible reassurance, but maybe it wasn't supposed to be comforting.

“Unless you give ´em somethin´ else to look for?” Marlene had requested when she saw the despair on her friend's face.

“I don´t think I want to date more of them,” she admitted boldly.

Marlene only chuckled, “why? Rez scarred ye that badly?” she joked, and they both knew it wasn't true. Because he had treated her well, he had been a great boyfriend. The best she´d had in fact. And it had made her realise that the problems hadn't been the guys she had dated. It had been the lack of feelings towards them. Because she truly enjoyed being around him, but it was never love. Mary had however fallen in love while in the relationship, only it wasn't with her boyfriend.

Mary had had boyfriends since she was nine, they had come and gone. She was never without one. It was a part of her, sort of. She was Mary, Mary with all the boyfriends. And she was never fully satisfied if she didn't has one. Because well it had always been that way, who was she without one?

Her sense of self had always been strong, but it had always been better with someone on her side. Someone who worshipped her, and though it had mostly felt vain, Mary appreciated it nonetheless.

And though it had never felt quite like it should´ve, she had just ignored it and thought that was how it was supposed to be, it was how she was supposed to feel. But when she realised who she had fallen for, she knew why it never felt right.

And she could never be with a bloke, no matter how attractive, or nice. She liked the attention, the game and all that came with it, but Mary was a lover, and what was a lover without their love?

“Not rez, just don't think it's for me, you know?”

Marlene nodded, “I know, the blokes you've dated have been shite anyway, you'll find someone. A lass as lovely as ye, most of the lads around would die for the chance to be with ye.” She stated, how could someone that bright be that thick, mary had thought.

“Thanks, marls, I think I'll jump in my jammies, im knackered and it is late,” she said, not bothering to go further into this. When the time was right, she supposed.

“Aye, me too, im just go´ne down and fetch some water,” she said jumping on the floor,
Stretching out her legs, cause they had sat on the red sofa for a long time.

Mary took out a pair of her favourite pyjamas and changed out of her clothes, she had been wearing a skirt all day and it had been very tiring.

The pair she had chosen had been a gift from her little brother, and she loved it. It was hot pink and in silk, at first, she had refused the gift, cause it looked so expensive. Their family were far from rich, they had been always been struggling. But he had explained how he worked in a clothing store, so he´d gotten them basically for free. She was thrilled about the gift and wore it as often as she could. Lily had even sewed in an M on the patch pocket.

“Night Marlene,” mary whispered while tucking herself into the bed.

“G´night Mary,” she answered while turning off the light with a simple flick of her wand.

Mary heard the door close behind and it was all quiet after.

The curly-haired girl twisted around in bed, it was always hard to sleep the first night. Especially when a certain redhead whom you share a room with is filling your head.

Mary thought of Lily, she often found herself doing so, thinking of her. It was hard not to, even harder now that they were back here. She had hoped the crush would be gone by the time they were back here but it hadn't. And they were back to sharing a room, in each other's space all the time.

One problem was also Potter, James Potter that is. He had fallen too, earlier than Mary, and Lily never acknowledged him. At least Mary was her friend, and that had to count for something. Which also meant she didnt want to lose her. She´d rather be friends than strangers.

Why couldn't it have been someone else? Anyone? It had been a lot easier if it had been a guy, that's for sure. Someone like Peter had been alright, mary liked peter, he was hard to dislike. He was kind, sort of funny, and also normal there was nothing difficult about him, and being with him would have been easy.

But fuck easy, easy had always been for people with no strength. And easy was not worth fighting for, mary wanted to fight for Lily.

She was so lost in thoughts she didnt even hear the door open and her two friends enter.

“´s she asleep?” a whisper said, it was lily who was whispering.

“Aye, she— did— tired, — day,” the other voice answered, marlene was whispering so barely Mary didnt even hear all the words.

“Good, don't want her to hear this,” her friend mumbled.

What was that about? Were they keeping secrets from her? Mary felt bad. The impossibly couldn't. Imagine if they were talking shit about her. She´d lose it.

“What´chu thinkin?”

“Mary´s— get— me—-, —- disgusted,” she first heard. “ ´Such—ways — terror,” she continued. And Mary couldn't listen more. There was no need for a genius to fill in the missing words. She muttered a silencing charm and grabbed the pillow burying her face into it.

She fell to the conclusion, and it might have been dumb seeing as they had been friends for years and this was very out of character, that her dear friend Lily thought she was disgusting because of the day in the museum. Lily had seen it with her own eyes, and Mary had heard those words with her own ears. And if the heart can't be trusted, the senses can.

It hurt so much, she had thought it was alright. That they had been alright, but it hadn't been. Apparently, it hadn't. Nothing had.

If anything Lily despised her now, the words she had used; disgusted, terror. She hated what she was because she wasn't like them.

Mary didn't want to believe it was a misunderstanding, because if she believed it, the hope she´d bear, would cause her to hurt too hard, and too quickly.

How could she have been this naive, naive to think that she could be whatever? And Lily was a cruel, wicked witch. And she was not worth fighting for.

She felt dumb and idiotic, biting into the pillow with her teeth to keep her from sulking out loud. It was something she had done as a kid and something she had hoped to never do again. But old habits die hard, as they say. She was crying, and tears streamed down her cheeks. She had always been emotional, never pretending not to be, not the way Marlene did. Marlene pretended to be tough, to be unstoppable and in no need of emotions as if she was over them. But she was human, just a girl, and no human could escape it, even if she was a witch.

Mary was always overflowing with emotions, some disliked her because of it, but she couldn't care less, and she lived her truth. But right at that moment, she wished she was Marlene. Stoic Marlene who repressed her emotions, and even that would have been easier than acknowledging everything that hurt about this. Marlene would have brushed it off, or she would have jumped out of bed and confronted Lily. But Mary did not dare to, not right now, not like this, and for once in her life, she wasnt the bold creature everyone loved.

And she felt weak.

But if anything, Mary was not weak.

She would never be weak again.