Star poetry
James was standing in the corridor, looking at the boy wearing his coat disappearing down the hall, and felt the skin where Regulus’ lips had pressed against burning and feeling oddly tingly. He had given his coat to Regulus, while walking back to the castle, seeing as the Slytherin boy was shaking despite having at least, what James presumed, to be 4 layers of clothing. He apparently hadn’t remembered to ask for it back. He found he didn’t quite mind.
Involuntarily, a sly grin made its way up to the corners of his mouth, and without questioning anything at all, James turned on his heels and sped up towards the common room to pester the shit out of Peter. One step closer to winning the bet.
*****
James and his friends went to dinner, as per usual. And nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Except that James noticed that none of Regulus’ friends, nor Regulus himself were chatting on the Slytherin tables like they usually would.
“Hey!” James yelled at his loud friend, bickering about who should get the honors of opening yet another Howler meant for Sirius by God knows who. “Have you seen Reg tonight?”
Peter and Remus barely looked up from where they were now offering different sweets in exchange for opening the magical letter, lying on the table, only to mutter rushed “No”. Sirius’ attention, however, seemed to have been acquired by the sudden and strange question coming out of his friend’s mouth.
“Regulus?” James reprimanded himself for using the nickname “Why are you asking about my brother?”
Sirius and Regulus’ relationship hadn’t always been good. At first, when word got out that Regulus had been kicked out of home, Sirius had just snickered and muttered “Well, it was about damn time.” But everyone knew he was concerned about the only family he could even remotely stand to be around. A few months after the news had broken out, Sirius made his first visit to his cousin’s house. He and Andromeda had always gotten well enough and had kept in contact, as the family outcasts. The first night Sirius had returned to their dorm, he had refused to speak about what happened. His face had been tear-stricken and he had isolated himself in their room for at least five days.
It had taken him a lot of time to go back. But he eventually did. And the visits got longer and more frequent. And as November came to a close, Sirius started talking about Regulus. About how happy he seemed with Andy and how great things were going. And no one really knew what they had talked about, or what happened between them during those two months, not even James.
But their relationship now was just like brothers were supposed to be. They bickered constantly and picked on each other when passing in the corridors, but Sirius had become a lot more protective over him, ever since Regulus had left home. James guessed Sirius saw a part of himself in his little brother. That same clueless kid, who had been treated worse than anyone on the outside could imagine by the people that were supposed to love him, to be his safe space.
“Nothing in particular. I just noticed he wasn’t here tonight. That’s all.” James answered and held his breath as a very discerning look passed over Sirius’ features and his best friend leaned forward, looking him deeply in the eyes as if he was trying to decipher whether his words were true or not.
After a long few tense moments, Sirius pulled back and leaned against the back of the bench, waving his arm “No idea. Don’t really care.”
Peter and Remus had apparently already settled their debate and hearing his boyfriend’s words, Remus rolled his eyes, giving James a confused look. “Of course, he cares. But I haven’t seen him either.”
“Any particular reason why you want to know Prongs?” Peter chipped in, trying to hide his evident smirk. James had burst through the doors and bombarded Peter with various statements all raging from “He’s so cold all the time, Wormtail.” To “And then he just left. Without another word!”
“Just curious.” James said and dipped his fork back into the delicious rice that was served in the Great hall.
He never quite paid attention to the rest of the conversation.
*****
Regulus Black.
The little bubble with the Slytherin’s name hadn’t moved in what seemed like forever to James. He was still checking, using his wand as a light source, and bumping into multiple walls while walking towards the astronomy tower.
He didn’t know why he had the urge to follow everywhere Regulus went, but tonight he just couldn’t sleep and apparently, the boy leaning against the rail couldn’t either.
James tucked the map in his back pocket and pulled off his cloak, silently moving towards the light-skinned boy, who could easily be mistaken for a marble statue at that particular moment. Regulus’ face was being illuminated by the moonlight that was pouring in through not only the open sky but also the tiny cracks in some of the walls of the tower. It looked like a light show was playing all over his clothes, hair, and hands. It made him look even paler than normal, somehow ethereal.
Regulus had apparently heard steps approaching him because his wand was in his hand and pointed at James’ face before he could even comprehend what was happening “Whoa! Whoa there…” James reached his hand forward and grabbed the tip of Regulus’ wand willing it to go down, preferably away from his precious face. Surprisingly enough, Regulus complied and his hand was back in its pocket in a matter of seconds.
“God, Potter! I could’ve killed you! Why would you do that?” Regulus said and his voice was steady, lower than James remembered it.
James just laughed, and then laughed harder at the incredulous expression the boy in front of him had claimed “What? You wouldn’t have actually killed me!”
A shiver ran down James’ spine when Regulus tilted his head to one side and just looked him up and down, a sly smirk playing on his lips “I’m sure I could.” And it was true. He probably could, James concluded.
“What are you doing up here anyway?” Regulus asked as he turned his back to him and moved back to his spot against the railing, looking up to the stars, his jawline sharpened by the shadows of the night. James thought he looked like a Greek god.
“I couldn’t sleep.” James said and for the first time, his words were true to what he felt “What about you?”
“Same thing. I come up here pretty much every night.” Regulus answered, not looking back at him. “I love looking at the sky when everything is quiet.”
James willed his legs to move forward, and he found himself right next to the Slytherin boy, their arms almost touching.
“It’s beautiful.” James admitted and his brain almost didn’t catch that he hadn’t even looked up yet. So he did. Because certainly, that was what he was meant to do. Right?
“Yeah.” Regulus looked over at the same time James’ eyes slid towards him and the Gryffindor swore he saw stars glinting at him. Regulus’ eyes looked almost translucent. The moonlight made them even grayer than they were originally. It looked as if Regulus belonged here. In the night, between all of these precious, fragile, menacing things. “You know, I just lost a bet. Because of you.”
What? “What?”
James felt his brain rush to try and find the exact conversation where Regulus had spoken about a bet. It came up empty-handed.
“It was a bet I made with Barty. You know him?” Regulus asked
“Yeah, the nosy one. Near the toilets, right?” James did remember him. He remembered how annoyed he also was at the uninvited interruption he had assisted in.
Regulus’ head fell forward and a genuine small laugh escaped his gorgeous lips “Yeah. Exactly him.”
This time Regulus didn’t look at him, he looked up, a pained expression etched on his face. James’ heart twisted. He didn’t like seeing Regulus like this.
“It was a stupid bet really. And now I owe him three spleefs.” A tiny smile made its way onto his face and James’ breath hitched in his throat because he really wished he had one of those little things muggles used to capture moments. Regulus, beautiful Regulus, with his head tilted up at the sky, white shirt from earlier slightly unbuttoned at the top, a smile dancing on his features, and a breeze tousling his hair in the most perfect way. It’s a painting, James thought to himself.
“Oh. What was the bet about?” James asked and his voice felt unfamiliar. Softer, breathier, an echo in a church. Marveling at the divine.
Regulus’ head turned towards him and his eyes widened slightly and James quickly checked if he wasn’t drooling. He wasn’t. “It was about us snogging before the end of the week.”
That really did the job. James wasn’t breathing. His face had probably gone completely red at this point and despite himself, a warmth rose in his belly. “Oh.”
Regulus looked absolutely mortified and James tried to find any words that could help both of them, but his mouth had always moved before his brain. “Why did you lose? The week isn’t over.” He really wished he could slap himself in the face. Really, James? That?
If Regulus had looked as pale as a ghost, now quite a bit of pink was covering his cheeks and nose and James found that still, he looked absolutely dazzling. It wasn’t fair, honestly.
“I – Uhm – I guess – well – It was stupid. So I ended it. Yeah.” Regulus was stumbling over his words and James wanted nothing more than to shut him up.
“Well…Uhm, okay. But you would have won, you know. You technically snogged my cheek.” His brain seemed to be finally working because his words seemed to do the trick, and Regulus’ eyes rolled and a laugh escaped his mouth, genuine and unfiltered. James marveled at the sight and tried to memorize every note in it.
“I don’t- I don’t think that’s - how - it works, James.” Regulus said through laughs.
Regulus’ laughter subsided and a strange silence fell over the pair. The wind had picked up speed and somehow their arms had shifted and now James was very aware of the coldness of Regulus’ skin pressing onto his own. It wasn’t an uncomfortable coldness, just a reminder that he wasn’t alone. Regulus seemed to also notice it, and as if hearing James’ prayers he didn’t move away.
“Weird question.” Regulus began and a shiver ran through James at the sound of the boy’s voice so close to him “Do you believe in fate?”
James didn’t think it was a weird question at all. He himself had pondered on it for a long time. “You mean the belief that everything is written out for us?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“No. I can’t allow myself to believe that we have no choice, but to follow what was meant to be. I believe that you can make your own choices. And they will lead you onto different paths.” James tried to decipher what Regulus was feeling, but the boy next to him was unreadable. So he just continued.
“I think that whatever is meant for you though. What is truly meant for you, will always find you. No matter where you are or how you got there. So I guess I do believe in fate. But I also know that I can create my own destiny.” James finished, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. No one had ever asked him such things. And maybe it was the darkness that surrounded them or just Regulus’ presence, but he felt comfortable enough to share it with him.
Regulus seemed lost in thought, probably trying to go through everything that was said. To look for the meaning behind each word. That is something James loved about him. He always digs deeper than most. “I think that sounds delusional.” Regulus said and James felt his heart skip a beat “Not that it’s bad, but believing you have a choice and that no matter what, you’ll end up okay.”
James’ heart sunk, because he could only imagine why Regulus felt this way. “Maybe.”
“I think it’s about needing control. Wanting to believe that you have some sort of say in anything.” Regulus had become quieter and when he turned to look at James there was an unbelievable softness in his eyes. They weren’t harsh or angry, just sad.
James wanted to take his face and make him feel better. Anything. Just to not have to see the sadness in the boy’s eyes, to imagine what horrible things he must’ve gone through to feel this way at such a young age. “I think it’s about having faith. Believing.” James’ voice was almost a whisper now.
Regulus’ head slightly nodded and suddenly James felt like everything around them shifted. The winds quieted down, the stars shone brighter, and the owls that had been quietly howling in the distant forest stopped moving. Time stood still. Waiting for something. Anything.
And James decided then and there that Regulus was closing the space between them. Or was it him? It might’ve been both. It didn’t matter, because he was moving tentatively towards the Slytherin boy, whose eyes softly closed and mouth lightly parted. And it was a beautiful sight to behold. A painting or a passage straight from one of his poetry books. A pale boy waiting, silently begging for love below the night sky, surrounded by darkness and stillness. A nervous, yet excited tingle in James’ hands moved them over to rest on both sides of Regulus’ face. Feeling the warmth of the rosy cheeks contrasting against the cold hands that were grabbing onto the railing a few moments ago.
And then his eyes closed as well. And in the darkness, the feeling of his lips cautiously pressing against another pair of lips was multiplied and a exhale of his heart could be heard, whispering ‘finally’. And Regulus didn’t pull back and neither did James. If he did, he was pretty sure his heart would jump out of his chest and go back to kissing the pale boy. It wasn’t fireworks or little pricks in his skin. It was the absence of pressure. It was like a breath of fresh air. Like the feeling of Regulus’ lips pressed against his was all James needed to be okay. He felt Regulus’ arms wrap around the back of his neck and they were both running out of air, so as much as it pained him to do so, James pulled away slightly and his eyes fluttered open to catch sight of Regulus’ still slightly parted lips and a look of surprise and fear running through his widened eyes. And James understood his sentiments perfectly. What in the fuck was that?
He meant to apologize, to push himself away and leave. He really did. But instead, he pressed himself forward and the intoxicating sensation of their lips crashing together was all James could think about. This time the kiss wasn’t soft, or hesitant. It was a flurry of lips and hands tugging on hair and his hands on Regulus’ face, in his hair, on his waist. It was passion, chaos and so right. James didn’t know why, but it felt like this kiss was trying to speak. Trying to pass invisible words from one soul to another. And it worked, it really fucking worked.
Because when they pulled away, they were breathless, they were both smiling and something between them had changed. They’d made a choice. Chosen a path. There was no turning back. And they both knew it. James rested their foreheads together and felt elation seep in as the realization of what he had just done settled in. He just kissed Regulus Black.
“That was….” He tries but can’t find the words
“Poetic?” Regulus laughs. A breathless, dream-like laugh. One that doesn’t feel real. Then again, nothing felt real to James right now.
“Yeah.” He joins in and pulls Regulus towards his chest, wrapping two strong arms around his body, protecting him from the cold that had swept cleverly in. And Regulus let him. He even felt the Slytherin boy relax and push into him burying his head in the crook of his arm.
That’s when James finally let himself properly breathe for the first time.
This was real. He was real. Regulus was real. And they were actively testing fate...