Losing Arrangements

Regulus Black was the perfect candidate, really.

He was distant and shy and he wouldn’t be too mad when he found out it was all a bet. Plus, he loved to annoy the living daylights out of James, so really it was a little bit of revenge.

The morning after his and Peter’s little conversation had happened, James woke up feeling fresh as a daisy and certainly not hungover. No, James had a reputation to uphold and he wouldn’t let four bottles keep him from his ‘party animal’ stance in the ever-growing Hogwarts society.

Everyone knew James. Even those that didn’t want to. Some hated him and others loved him. Well, most loved him. But there were always exceptions.

It was a little after lunch when James approached one of those exceptions.

Regulus was sitting underneath one of the many trees surrounding the school, writing frivolously in a black notebook. Probably homework, James thought to himself. As soon as James plopped down next to Regulus on the still dewy grass, Regulus was up on his feet and moving away from him.

“Oi! Hello to you too!” James yelled after him and stood up, quickly brushing away a leaf that had successfully tangled itself in his already messy hair. He suddenly felt unexpectedly self-conscious about the forgotten hairbrush laying next to his bed. Dammit Potter. He cursed at himself.

Regulus was surprisingly fast for a bloke that James had never seen run before. He tried jogging up to the Slytherin, but just as he was about to finally catch up with the boy, Regulus sharply turned the corner of the Herbology classroom and continued walking, throwing over his shoulder “What do you want Potter?”

After not so graciously recovering from the whiplash of the sudden movement, James felt his eyes autonomously roll. Why did Regulus have to be such a little shit? James was already reconsidering his choices. “Can’t I just talk to my best friend’s brother without wanting something?” James himself wouldn’t even believe that.

Regulus suddenly turned around and stopped on the spot. James almost crashed into his small frame face first. When he looked up into the Slytherin’s icy grey eyes, James felt a huge wave of regret wash over him. “Do you really believe I’m that daft Potter?” His words came out harsh, icy.

James took a step back, only now realizing how close they were standing. A weird tingle crept up his spine, but it was gone before it could even be acknowledged. “Okay, okay. You’re right, I-“

“Of course I’m right. I’m always right.” Regulus interrupted adjusting the strap of the bag that was hanging over his left shoulder. James rolled his eyes once more. This was getting annoying now.

“Yes. How could I forget? As I was saying.” He gave Regulus a warning glance, daring him to interrupt him again. Regulus didn’t. So he tentatively continued “I wanted to ask you to hang out sometimes. If you wanted, of course. I know it’s a bit weird -I won’t lie -I get that - but still if you - I”

“No. Thank you.” Was the only answer he got and then Regulus was back to walking away from him and leaving him to continue stuttering to no one in particular. Why was he nervous and why did that rejection kind of hurt?

James shook it off and reminded himself that this is why he chose Regulus. It wouldn’t be easy. It would be a chase. He bolted after the boy that was now almost about to enter the castle and harshly grabbed his elbow, turning him a full 90 degrees. “Wait – but I – you didn’t give me a chance to explain,” James said, feeling his mind race to find an explanation for the weird question.

“I know that this is some sort of joke, you and your little group of goons believe to be funny. But sure. Entertain me.” Regulus mocked with that unforgiving gaze of his. His hands crossed in front of his chest and James noticed the uneven knit on the green tie that was hanging around his neck.

He had to think of something. And fast. His eyes frantically passed over their surroundings trying and failing to land on any sort of inspiration. Regulus was still standing there and a mocking smirk was slowly creeping up on his lovely lips. “You didn’t even make a proper plan, did you, James?” Regulus sighed and now the smirk was a full-on grin. The boy tilted his head and with the most sarcastic voice, James had ever heard before laughed “Shame. You used to be decent with pranks.” And with that James was left standing near the entrance of his school with a sour look of distaste etched on his face. Shit.

*****

James spent the rest of the day pleading with his brain to come up with something to convince Regulus to go out with him. The only thing he did manage to do was start asking questions that made him progressively more and more uncomfortable.

Why did he choose Regulus out of all people? Wormtail was right when he said most people would jump at the opportunity to date James Potter. So why had he done the worst thing ever and chosen the stubbornest person ever to ask out? He came to the conclusion that it was purely because it would be harder to convince Regulus. He loved a challenge, after all.

He did eventually get back on track and when he approached Regulus, who was standing next to the boys’ toilets, apparently waiting for someone, James was sure he was going to succeed. 

“Watcha’ writing Reggie?” James asked, peeking over Regulus’ shoulder and immediately receiving an elbow to the side as a response “Ouch. Okay, that was deserved.” Totally wasn’t.

Regulus barely turned his head to glance up at James who as per usual was towering over him before promptly shutting his notebook shut. “You again?”

“Hey now. I’m not that bad to look at.” James tried to defend himself and threw one of his charming side smiles at the boy that was now rolling his eyes at him. Huh, this usually worked.

“Tell yourself what you have to Potter. Now leave me alone.” Regulus tried swatting James away with the back of his hand but James just caught it in his own and tugged it down. His hand was very small compared to his own, James noted. Regulus looked at him utterly horrified and shook his head lightly “Are you really going to keep pestering me with your stupid jokes?”

James found himself feeling quite offended at that comment. His jokes were better than that.

“It’s not a joke Regulus. I feel like I barely talk to you and I am actually very in need of a snarky, sarcastic friend at the moment. I just thought you’d be perfect for the role.” James felt like he was finally getting back to his charming self. It usually worked the first time around, but something about the Slytherin boy had stumped him.

“Oh piss off Potter. Go find a friend somewhere far away from me. Don’t you have enough of them already?”  Well, it wasn’t a friendly conversation, but at least they were exchanging words now. That was a step in the right direction, James thought.

“Well, yeah. But you can never have too many friends. Now can you?” James was really trying and he felt himself get more annoyed at the stubborn boy standing in front of him and honestly fed up he couldn’t get closer to him, because of his stupid bag.

Regulus was about to say something when another Slytherin boy stepped out of the toilets, and Reggie’s attention was immediately caught by him. He looked around their age and something in James stirred with an unreasonable amount of annoyance at the interruption. The boy had ashy blond hair and eyes that sparked with a mischievous spark. He seemed confused for a second before his eyes found Regulus and then was immediately more confused by seeing James standing a few feet away from him. The Slytherin tentatively stepped toward the two boys “Am I interrupting something here?” And a playful smirk was already on his lips. Stupid Slytherins, James thought.

“Yes” He responded with a bit of annoyance in his tone at the same time Regulus muttered “No” and sent an appreciative look towards his friend. Now thinking back to it, James can place a name to this mysterious boy that was stealing his bet away. Barty. James is not a fan of Barty.

Crouch, however, couldn’t look more amused as he shared a knowing look with his friend and goes to leave when Regulus reaches for him and almost slips trying to keep a hold of him. “No, we have that homework remember? The one you wanted to copy?”

James knows when a conversation is over and it stings a little, but he knows he’ll just have to get Regulus alone tomorrow. “It’s okay. I have to go help Remus with something anyway, so. I’ll see you tomorrow Reg?”

“In your dreams, Potter” Regulus throws over his shoulder and is already linking his arm through one of Barty’s.

James turns to leave and if he hadn’t slowed down a bit he probably wouldn’t have heard Barty’s feverish voice whispering “Reg, huh?” and James turned his head a little to catch Regulus slamming his body into Barty’s side and earning a silent ouch from his friend.

Then something happened and James felt a chill rush through his whole body as Reg turned around and their eyes locked. Regulus’ usually merciless gaze had been softened to an almost honey-kissed cloudy sky and James couldn’t help the shudder that slipped past his lips. The Slytherin boy held his gaze for a few seconds then turned around and continued down the hall, quickening his pace and dragging his friend behind. And James managed to suppress his foolish smile long enough to look at his feet as he continued walking to the Gryffindor common room.

A step in the right direction for sure.

*****

The next two weeks went by very quickly. James kept trying his luck every single time he saw his friend’s brother pass by him in the hall or sit under his favorite tree. James started to notice a lot of little things about Regulus in those few days he watched him. Like how he always had to wear mismatched socks. James wondered how he never noticed that before. How no one really had. They were striking against his otherwise perfect uniform. He also noticed how the Slytherin boy always had two hair ties around his left wrist – not one or three, but exactly two. How whenever he was nervous, Reg would tap his fingers unintentionally somewhere on his clothes, as if to feel the cloth and know he was real. James’ favorite one was when Regulus would frown in concentration when reading or writing something very important. That little crease in between his brows became engraved into James’ brain and refused to leave its occupancy.

After a few awkward encounters, Regulus started loosening up, seeing as he wasn’t able to get rid of James and the latter decided he really liked Regulus in a relaxed state. He wasn’t frowning or rolling his eyes all the time as if James was the most disgusting thing to ever walk this earth. Of course, the sarcastic comments never ended and James found himself not really caring for them to cease. He was beginning to enjoy Reg’s company and he genuinely felt closer to him than ever before.

It was Thursday and James had managed to finish some of his work, but afterward decided it was too boring to keep his mind occupied. It always floated towards a certain tree and a certain boy. So, naturally, James decided to follow his instincts and grabbed his bag on the way out of the library, carefully trudging towards the open field and Regulus’ favorite tree.

And sure enough, the boy he had come to understand was dutifully sitting in the shade the large oak tree threw on the afternoon grass, legs crossed in front of him, head tilted back, resting on the tree bark. He was scribbling away in his black notebook but looked up as he heard someone approach his invisible bubble of privacy. The corners of Regulus’ mouth turned upwards before he dropped his head back down, looking at the words written down on the paper as if they were the most interesting thing. Maybe James just imagined the smile?

“Hey.” James greeted as he plopped down next to Reg and their shoulders gently brushed against each other. “Why are you out here? Don’t you have Potions now?”

Regulus barely lifted his head up to look at James when he answered “We were supposed to, but Slughorn decided he wasn’t feeling well enough to teach, so now I’m here. What are you doing here?” There was a suspicious glint in his eye and James’ heart skipped a beat or two.

“I wanted to get some fresh air.” Lie. I’m here because I thought you might be.

“Oh. Okay.” was all Regulus said before taking out a book of poetry from his bag and burying his nose in it. Another thing James had noticed these past few weeks. Regulus loved his poetry.

What followed was some of the comfortable silence James had learned to appreciate recently. He marveled at how peaceful Regulus looked in this light and how after days of failed conversation, he was finally able to simply enjoy the company of the boy by his side.

After a few minutes, James became very curious about the poetry that Regulus seemed to be stuck on, rereading it again and again.

“What are you reading right now?” He asked tentatively, hoping not to break the spell of the comfortable silence they had created.

Regulus peeked up at James with an incredulous look on his face “Poetry?”

“No – yeah I – I gathered that bit. I meant what has you looking so confused.” James added, a bit of annoyance starting to fester in the back of his mind. Why did he feel like a child being ridiculed?

“Oh yeah sorry.” Regulus started an apology glistening in his eyes, but never leaving his mouth “It’s this one from Emily Dickinson and I just – I don’t really think I’m doing it justice by interpreting it correctly.” He sighs and James thinks for a second he might burst into tears right then and there.

“Well, read it to me then, Reg. Maybe I can give some insight.”

Regulus glances at him sideways with a skeptical expression, but despite his best efforts a small smile starts forming on his mouth. He quickly clears his throat and as he begins his poem, his voice trembles a little “I’ll read you just a few passages: Because I could not stop for Death, He kindly stopped for me; The carriage held but just ourselves, And Immortality. And then it goes on with: Since then 'tis centuries; but each, Feels shorter than the day, I first surmised the horses' heads, Were toward eternity.” He finally took a breath and then immediately added “The rest is just observations made along the way.”

James tilted his head to the side and tried to dip his mind into the words that just fell out of Regulus’ mouth. He loved poetry as well. Even if he didn’t seem the type to enjoy it, his mother had read him enough when he was a child that he could really delve into analyzing each word. He instead went the opposite way “Tell me how you interpret it.” He really wanted to know.

And as he watched Regulus’ eyebrows furrow in concentration, he could see the boy’s mind racing to find the right words to explain what he wanted. “Well, for me it’s pretty obvious that the poem is about the passage between life and death. Death in itself is personified and is the one pulling the carriage forward. As they’re leaving the world of the living behind the person is either remembering things and people, or I guess, they’re just noticing what’s around them as they pass by. The last glimpses of life.” Regulus explained with a fervor to his voice that was steadily becoming more confident as he felt he was getting his point across “But I can’t help but think there’s more to it. Dickinson’s poetry always has some secret meaning behind them and I’m usually good at catching them but this one…..It just doesn’t make sense.” He finished and looked at James with a questioning look. The same one a toddler would give their parents when they needed something explained to them.

James mentally chuckled at the sight and tried not to get distracted by the stormy eyes burning holes in the side of his head as he calmly tried to add to what Regulus had just said “Very true. What you said I mean. But I also think the poem is looking at death through the life of someone immortal. If you notice, Death is not depicted in its usual light. There’s no fear, anxiety, or even doubt. Neither is it joyful, happy, or peaceful. It just simply is. I think Dickinson tried to give this horrible thing that happens to everyone a new perspective.” Regulus was looking at him with round eyes “It’s just a passage, another thing we move through. Another wave in the water. And it’s just that. It doesn’t have to be more. Of course, that’s just my interpretation though.” He finished finally and something about the way Regulus was gazing at him took his breath away. His eyes had gone wide, lips lightly parted in surprise, and hair slightly messy from where he had been sitting.

“How – where have you been hiding that?” Regulus asked and James saw what looked like respect pass over the boy’s features. His cheeks suddenly felt very hot and he knew he must’ve been blushing. No one had ever been that impressed simply by his thoughts. There was something so intimate about the moment they just shared and he tried to telepathically praise the shit out of Emily Dickinson for allowing him to experience this moment.

Reg must have noticed him getting all red in the face, because a moment later that mischievous smirk was once again plastered on his face when he spoke “I guess we finally found something you’re good at Potter.”

“You know what else I’m good at?” James was going to try. The moment seemed perfect for a little casual flirting. Right?

“Mm.” Regulus was already turning to the next page, but James noticed the tiny dog year tag that was folded on the page with Dickinson’s poem.

“Spoiling my date at Hogsmeade next weekend.” James added and wiggled his brows playfully at Regulus, who looked up from his book at the word Hogsmeade and simply huffed in his direction.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” That was all Reg said and James’ eyes lit up as soon as the Slytherin’s words left his mouth

“Does that mean you accept?” James hated how hopeful his voice sounded, but he couldn’t help it. And he certainly didn’t want to right now. His plan was finally working.

“Ask me again tomorrow James. Maybe then you’ll get the answer you want.” And as the boy stood up with his bag slung over his shoulder and the book full of beautiful poetry held firmly by his side, his striking eyes softened and he gave James a kind smile. “Thank you for your thoughts.”

And just like that Regulus turned away and started walking towards the castle, a little bounce in his step. And James?

James felt like he was about to explode because of the grin he was trying so hard to contain. In the end, his emotion won. His smile lit up as the unsaid promise hung in the air, tension pulling him towards the dark-haired boy that was already too far away from him. Regulus had smiled at him. Not a smirk, not a shake of his head, not a roll of his beautiful eyes. A smile. A smile reserved for only James.

Tomorrow then. Tomorrow would be the day he asked out Regulus Arcturus Black.