solfège

Nobel House of Black always had extraordinary people in their blood. From the beginning, they were taught they were special, far above others. They had money, fame, beauty, and talent. It was no secret that Blacks were descendants of the most beautiful artists, poets, and dancers. They practically made up the whole history of art. So who would have been surprised when Regulus Black discovered a truly unmatchable gift? He was no less of a pianist than Ludwig van Beethoven, Glenn Gould, Martha Argerich, Frédéric Chopin, and even Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Only thirteen and already played on stage could bring the whole audience to tears. There was something about him, he felt everything so hard, and the only way for him to express it was through his music.

There was stuff that you were never allowed to experience in the Household of Blacks. Like sadness, happiness, and excitement. Talking about your emotions, crying, and smiling too wide would get you two weeks without food and a human type of communication. Regulus only managed to stay sane because of his piano, because he could express himself through it. Sirius ran away, Andromeda ran away, Alphard got kicked out, and his great, great grandpas' siblings were disowned. They weren’t like the rest of the family, they couldn’t be cold like them, and they didn’t have that invisible thirst for blood. Regulus liked to think that he was a middle ground. Not like any of them, he would do anything to achieve his goal but he couldn’t be cruel, he had no problems with manipulating people into getting what he wants but he would not go far. He felt guilt, he had morals and wouldn’t put them aside for anything. He hasn't lost touch with reality, he didn't live in delusion and thought he was better than everyone. One thing that made him stand out most was his loyalty. He was loyal to…something. Regulus himself hasn’t figured that out yet.

Tom Marvolo Riddle noticed him at a very young age. Riddle was known worldwide for his smell of talent. He had trained many famous artists, he had made them great and that’s exactly what he was planning to do with Regulus. ‘Your son has an exceptional gift, it would be…a true tragedy to waste it’ he said to Walburga and Orion, he managed to charm them with his sweet mouth because after a month Regulus was trained to fit every standard Tom Marvelo Riddle had. Sometimes, Riddle, himself would sit in the same room as Regulus and make him play over and over again until Regulus reached the perfect sound. Regulus always thought he didn’t need it, he would listen to a composition maybe five times and could copy it perfectly or so he thought. Riddle disagreed and well he knew better, who Regulus was to go against him.

He knew that Tom would eventually become his manager anyways, that he had no real competition but Regulus wanted to be perfect. He would sit in his room for hours playing the same melody over and over again. In the end, his hands would have been bloody and would start shaking so hard that he couldn’t even hold a water bottle. In Regulus' opinion, he couldn’t even play his composition right. Once Bellatrix told him that without Tom his potential would have been wasted and Regulus trusted her words, in the end, Bellatrix was a ballet dancer in France, one of the bests. As she claimed that was all thanks to Riddle. While Regulus and Bellatrix weren’t as close and even though she crept him out, he still respected her. A lot.

After all, being a Ballet dancer in France from all places wasn’t as fun as it might have seen. It was rough, especially because Bellatrix refused to get any financial help from her family but she still succeeded. She was perfect for the eyes of the public, she was perfect for everyone. She was beautiful and cruel.

Even Narcissa recommended Riddle. She said he helped Lucius in the past, who knows maybe he would be able to help her little cousin too.

Working with Riddle was hard. He drove Regulus mad. Regulus was always a little obsessed with music but never like that. He wouldn’t just go around and sit in his room, for weeks, playing fucking Nocturne OP 19 no 1, without a break. It was 19 for fucks sake. He thought he could do it in his sleep. Sure, sometimes Regulus would write notes behind his journals or books but after Riddle, his wall was just Do, Re, Mi. Do, Re, Mi. Do, Re, Mi. And he was perfectly fine in his room, until his seventeenth birthday.

This house has become so small. The room, the piano, it felt like Regulus could no longer fit inside. Sometimes he needed to go outside, maybe at four a.m even, just because it felt like non-existent water was filling his lungs and it drove him mental.

He searched for a small apartment, called Tom, and told him about it, he said he would take care of neighbors (warn them about noises) and as a gift, new piano. How kind of him. All Regulus had to do now was talk to his parents.

That’s why Regulus was sitting on their expensive coach while Kreacher, their butler for thirty years, stood behind him blankly. He started playing with his rings, anxiously tapping his leg on the floor while trying to decide how to kill himself. Maybe drowning himself wouldn’t be too bad.

Walburga calmly appeared in the room, she sat down and graciously crossed her legs. Orion also sat next to his wife “Mother, Father-”
Walburga stopped him “Regulus, nous ne voulons pas oublier d'où nous venons, pas besoin de parler anglais fils.” She said (Regulus, we don't want to forget where we came from, no need to speak English son.)
Regulus just nodded “mère, père, je voulais- Je voulais parler de quelque chose d'important” Orion hummed, as a sign to go on “J'y ai pensé pendant un moment et je pense que ce serait mieux si je déménageais” (mother, father, I wanted to- I wanted to talk about something important, I thought about it for a while and I think it would be better if I moved out)

Suddenly Walburgas facial expression became the same as Regulus's beloved grandmother and Regulus started wondering if he made a mistake “J'assisterai toujours à chaque événement familial, c'est juste-” he started but was interrupted by Orion
“peut-être que nous ne vous laisserons pas?” He said casually, Regulus gulped (I will still attend every family event It’s just-, maybe we won’t let you?)

“ce serait triste, mais tu n'as pas d'autdre père héritier” Regulus looked at him boldly. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Walburga humming in satisfaction. She looked at Orion, whose eyes were twitching from annoyance. Silence took the hold of the whole house, Kreacher was silently playing with Regulus' hair, and Walburga and Orion were staring at each other, none of them breaking eye contact for a while

“Je suppose que vous avez déjà un plan?” She asked, Regulus nodded, he tightly gripped into his jacket “Dommage, Je vais manquer le son de ton piano qui me réveille tous les jours” (I’m guessing you already have a plan, Too bad I will miss the sound of your piano waking me up every day)
Regulus looks at his mother with his eyes wide open. What did that mean? He looked back at his father, whose lips were pursed, he looked even more annoyed than before “Vous pouvez commencer à emballer” (You can start packing)

Regulus, slowly, carefully got up and as he was already walking upstairs, celebrating the victory, Walburga called out “Rappelez-Vous juste Reg, Toujours pur” (Jus remember Reg, always pure)

His mother using Regulus’s childhood nickname made his blood boil but also sent chills down his spine. It felt like she just ripped his heart out. She was threatening him, telling him not to embarrass them. ‘Toujours pur’ he repeated in his mind. ‘Toujours pur’. It was like an instinct. When he was five, not repeating it got him ‘Toujours pur’ being written all over his back. With his own blood.

Regulus took very little clothing he had, took six to seven books, and packed them all in one backpack. Money, that was hidden on the floor, was now in his pocket and he was about to leave, he looked around one more time. A picture, in a shiny golden frame called for him. Regulus looked at it for a while. He threw it on the floor. The frame broke into pieces but the picture was untouched. It was like yesterday that he and his brother begged for their cousin Andromeda to take it. Regulus took a deep breath, grabbed a picture, and roughly squeezed it into his pocket.

Walburga didn’t care enough to even look up from her book. Orion also didn't say anything, he just silently gave him a wrapped box just as that happened Regulus left.

He got in his car. Driving with a radion on, he listened to some Katy’s dating experience. Made at least four stops to have a breakdown and turned off the road three times. To jump off the cliff. A picture, A black and white picture of Sirius Black having his arm around Regulus and grinning wide while his brother silently pleaded for him to get off. The small butterfly that accidentally got in the way was covering half of the picture. Regulus smiled softly at the memory. That day was one of the best, All Narcissa, Bellatrix, Andromeda, Sirius, and Regulus got to spend it together. They were running around the garden, chasing butterflies and birds, making flower crowns, and sharing scary stories. Bellatrix was way older than them but she still hang around and even bought sweets with Druella’s money. Regulus remembers she got punished pretty brutally after.

Then, Andromeda fell in love, Narcissa was even more miserable, Bellatrix went to Frace, Sirius met his sorry excuse of friends, and Regulus’s free time was just playing on the piano.

Sirius Black. His idiot brother, stupid enough to believe his even more of an idiot of friends. That was him in the picture, he was older than Regulus and a much better person as he was constantly reminded. It always amazed Regulus, what did Sirius do to deserve freedom? He was loud, way too passionate, overdramatic, and made everyone around him miserable. A cordon copy of Walburga.

Deep down Regulus knew it was a lie. Sirius could never be cruel like her. He was cruel but not that way. Sirius talked and talked and talked and fuck Regulus missed him so much.

Regulus quickly shook that thought off and continued listening to Katy, who had just found out that her ex was sleeping with her best friend. Well, that was unexpected. He got there in three hours. It was pretty far away from his parent's house, which was just the cherry on top.

After parking his car and taking his backpack, Regulus started calling Tom “Keys?”
“New neighbor will give it to you,” he said simply and hang on. Regulus took a deep breath, he patiently waited in the hall, until a blonde guy approached him. He was tall, way too tall and he was even paler than Regulus, he had weird-looking eyes and huge eyebags underneath
“Hey,” He said “Uh here are your keys, I’m Xenophilius by the way, your new neighbor,” he said hesitantly “I’m sorry, are you, Regulus Black?”

“Yes?”

“I’m such a big fan, I love the way you play so much, it has such a gentle tone to it, my roommate always listens to you when he’s high”

Sue Regulus but he had no clue if that was supposed to be a compliment or not. He smiled, trying to balance confusion, gratefulness, and pettiness and with his voice being slightly shaky he said a simple ‘thank you. Regulus, hoped, practically begged, for this little interaction to be over as soon as possible but no, of course not. He didn’t want to seem rude, Xenophilius's mouth was also sealed and just after a few seconds of this unbelievably awkward moment, another guy appeared next to them. He was smiling cheekily and mischief was dancing in his eyes. He didn’t even a bet an eye at Regulus
“Xeno, my love, I need keys,” He said as he threw his arm around Xenophilius “I lost mine…again”

“Reg, can I call you Reg?” “No” “Alright, you can call me Xeno. Anyways, Regulus, this git is Bnejy, my roommate”

“One that listens to me when he’s high?”

“Not only when he’s high” Benjy butted in, he eyed Regulus for a moment. He was checking him out, Regulus bit his lip. Benjy was far above average looking. He was tall, had brown eyes and tanned skin, his nose was little red at the moment and he had brown curly hair. He was also really fucking fit. “Pleasure to meet you” he offered a hand to shake <

Regulus turned it down, after all, Benjy did ignore him for the first three minutes “Pleasure is all mine” he said casually and went away “I will see you around, I guess”

“I sure hope so” Benjy called out with a visible smirk on his voice, Regulus also heard how Xenophilius kicked Benjy and called him a wanker but decided to ignore that. With a small smile, he found his new apartment.

After entering it, the first thing he did was to take off his shoes and threw them around, he always wanted to do that. Regulus went straight to the piano, which he must admit, was in the great place. In the dark corner, the window being two inches away. He dropped his backpack on the couch and tried out a new piano. After his hands played around with the piano’s keys, tried out different tunes, and verified that it felt right, he finally made a connection. This piano was amazing, Regulus liked it at least.

He sat on the dark blue couch, his eyes looking up, looking at the ceiling. Million different thoughts at once came to him. Regulus took a deep breath, this felt good. Having his flat, flirting with complete strangers, playing with the piano, and not being afraid that he was bothering someone, throwing around his stuff. Was it how freedom looked like? Tasted like? Smelt like? And what made this even better, no matter how pathetic that sounded, he wasn’t on a bad note with his family. He was still their son. It was a disgusting need that Regulus always had, he needed his parents to see use in him. He needed to prove that he was none less of a Black. It felt like this would have been the only way to get love. The only way for them to notice him. Regulus knew that was pathetic.

His brother always used to say how they were way more gentle with Regulus's punishments, always said that Regulus was their favorite. In the bottom of his mind, Regulus found that comforting, he had a tiny hope, that maybe, if what Sirius was saying is true, then perhaps they had a love for him. That was of course not the case at all. A polar opposite. They had Sirius, the firstborn, the heir with a charismatic persona. They simply didn’t care about Regulus. As the youngest in the whole family, it was always like that. No one cared nor paid any mind to him.

Until Riddle. He noticed him. Because of him, people started paying attention to Regulus. He had no idea if this was a good or bad thing but he knew that Riddle was there. He understood and he cared about Regulus’s talent.

Regulus got bored enough, he stood up and took out some paper sheets and a pill box that had PCP written, with messy handwriting, all over it. He only needs two pills to get inspired enough. As he started playing, his mind went plain white, his hands started moving on their own and that hallucination drug made that horse lose his head.

Time and place didn’t matter at the moment. He was playing a random composition, his eyes were burning a little and Regulus was sure that he is smiling foolishly. He didn’t stop. Do. Continues playing even though tiredness was overfilling him. Mi. His hands were shaking, his wrists were getting redder and redder. Fa. He stopped, he messed up. So. Regulus messed up. Unacceptable. La. He started playing again. Si. It didn’t sound too good, it didn’t sound perfect. Do. he started from the beginning again. Again. Again. Again. Again until it sounded perfect. He was throwing his head dramatically, it felt like he was playing with his whole body. Regulus didn’t stop when the sunlight was no longer visible, he didn’t stop when his stomach started aching for food and he didn’t stop when his head started spinning and he felt like throwing up.

“For fucks sake” he screamed out and fell to the floor. looked down at his hands, blood was dripping on his knees. Regulus took a deep breath, got up, and went to the washroom. Why did he end up like that every fucking time? Cold water was wetting his shirt and face. Regulus looked in the mirror and smiled. Smiling at a boy in the mirror, smiled cruelly because everybody knew that this boy in the mirror was a soft, sorry excuse of a person, he couldn’t handle pressure, he was weak. Regulus Black was laughing at him like he had any right.

Regulus came back to his senses, he laid down not even wanting to look at the piano. Interesting what happened, Regulus used to love playing, it always calmed him down.

There was a loud bang on the door, Regulus groaned but got up regardless “Yes?”

“Hey, you’re alive” It was Xeno, he was smiling “Benjy and I are going to this bar, we thought maybe you want to come?”

In other situations, Regulus would never accept such an offer. Not only because it was the middle of the night but because he just met these people. He had no idea if he could trust them or not but right now he was way too tensed and his head was hurting way too much “Sure, I’ll be ready in a few”

“Cool, we will meet you in the hall then”

Regulus took a cold shower. He put on an eye pencil and mascara. The outfit was the real problem. He was hanging out with Xeno and Benjy for the first time, he was visiting this club for the first time too so he needed something casual but not too casual. In the end low waist, baggy jeans, and a dark green crop top were his final choices.

As he quickly picked out silver rings to match his outfit, Regulus grabbed his phone and went to the exit. They made him wait for at least three minutes. Who does that? Unbelievable “Enfin tu es la” he muttered “Can you give me the exact address?” (finally you’re here)

Benjy was looking at him with wide eyes “You speak French?”

“My family is originally from France”

“Oh,” his voice was almost not hearable. Regulus laughed silently, did this fluster him? He would defiantly have fun tonight “You look good by the way”

“I know” Regulus bit his cheek from inside

Benjy smirked and as he opened his mouth again but Xenophilius grabbed his wrist “Get a room, some of us here don’t want to be a third reel”
“Let’s go you wanker” Benjy laughed and they finally left. Turns out Benjy would drive them there, it wasn't too far away, Regulus tried to remember every little detail on the way. The city lights made this place so much better, almost no one was out at the night. Regulus saw how the old man closed the shop, he saw how a black cat jumped out of the tree, he saw a guy, who was sitting under the street light, playing the guitar, and two other girls that were sitting next to him laughing at something. That type of atmosphere made him happy and relaxed. It was nice at least to say.

None of them said anything in the car. Just some poor attempts to start a conversation. The bar was called ‘CellerDoor’. Regulus could already feel that too many people were going to be there. He, of course, was right. They sat down, and loud music was blowing up Regulus’s ears, Xenophilius brought drinks and when they were already three drinks in Xeno started talking about his sad love life

“I just don’t know what I want,” he said “It was always like that, my exes, they were all so perfect, we had the same interests, we had nice conversations but it didn’t feel right” He stopped to take another sip from his drink “And I mostly got rejected too, Did you know I didn’t have a stable relationship for two years?” he cried out

“Xeno, let’s tell Regulus That story,” Benjy said excitingly “That happened when he was sixteen-”

“Benjamin Fenwick, close your pretty mouth right now”
“You have been talking about my mouth a lot recently”

“Is what he was about to tell me that bad?” Regulus laughed as he took a drag from his cig “It can’t be, I’m intrigued now” he lied. Regulus didn’t actually care but he needed something to distract his mind, only thing he could think about was how perfect Für Elise by Ladwig van Beethoven would have been for Xenophilius and how much he wanted to play this beautiful masterpiece at the moment.

“It is that bad,” he said, burying his face in Benjy’s shoulder “Please”

“When our Xeno was sixteen” Benjy started “He was experimenting with guys too” Xeno looked at Regulus as if searching for any type of reaction “And the first time he gave a blowjob, he threw up, on that guy’s-”

“No way” Regulus’s cig fell on the ground “What?” he started laughing “Honestly, even fourteen-year-old me did a better job”

“First, that’s concerning,” Xenophilius said “and second, It was just one time. One fucking time” he whined

After all three of them had a good laugh and after another five drinks, Benjy started talking about his failed carrier. “I was always passionate about football, had some talented teammates too,” he said with sadness in his voice, “I thought I was good, sometimes I would overwork myself so much that I couldn’t walk for a week, my teammates were crazy, I wanted to catch up, I didn’t want to be the ‘weakest’ player” he laughed passively “and in the end, I did so much that my legs could no longer take physical pressure” Xeno looked at him concerned, even he didn’t make a joke out of this “In the end what I loved the most turned into something that put me in the most pain, ironic truly”

“Oh wow” Regulus started at his drink with thoughtful eyes “That sounds awful”

“Ye, I still mourn my carrier, it was like a dream since I was seven or something” Xenophilius ruffled Benjy’s hair “At least I got to meet this absolute wanker”

“That is the first nice thing I have heard you say about Xeno”
“We have a complicated relationship” Xenophilius joined in “How about you Reg?”

“Don’t call me that and what do you mean?”

“Tell us something tragic from your life”

“I have nothing, truly, I have never faced those types of troubles”

“Then mind explaining why you’re hands are so red? Why were you playing for six hours straight? Not that I mind by the way and the thing you said about giving blow jobs at fourteen?” Benjy said knowingly, Regulus didn’t like that, he felt exposed

“Plus it’s only fair if you share something too” Xeno added

‘It’s not like I asked you to Regulus wanted to say but he just met these people, already giving a bad impression would be awkward in the future “d'accord, let’s see” he stopped himself, trying to decide which aspect of his life he could share “I got it, uh when I was three I completely stopped talking, I felt like it would be easier to keep my distance from the outside world, it scared me plus I wouldn’t annoy them and it was overall just easier, I didn’t talk to anyone, not to my cousins or older brother or parents, no matter what. They tried many things to make me talk and when nothing worked they learned to deal with it” Regulus frowned at the memory “Everyone expect my brother, he would try to get me to talk, tried everything, sometimes would even throw away my favorite books or even would beg me, it was weird. It's just I didn’t want to talk to them you know? And it was easier because with that I locked away my feeling and desire to not feel lonely” Regulus downed another shot “At age of fourteen I started talking again,”

Benjy and Xeno shared a look “What kind of household did you grow up in?”

“In very loving one,” Regulus said with a sarcastic smile and shrug
“We have a winner” Benjy announced “Winner buys the drinks”

Regulus sighed, in the bottom of his heart he was kind of happy that they didn’t ask more questions or didn’t pity him. In the end, this was one of the few things that he didn’t care if people found out or not. He remembers how Sirius was the one who talked for him, sometimes he would exaggerate or add some unwanted details to Regulus’s sentences. With his cousins and Sirius, who now that he thinks about it also counted as a cousin, he never had to talk. They understood what he wanted or needed with just one look. It felt nice.

He was waiting for a Barista when someone appeared right next to him. Regulus looked at this stranger from the corner of his eye and holy shit he was hot. With messy hair and round glasses, brown skin, and a weird shirt that he somehow made look good. He looked like he was kissed by the sun. The stranger looked at him and flushed a wide grin at Regulus. Correction, he was the fucking sun. “Hello” Oh merlins’ tits even his voice sounded so smooth “I’m James”

“Uh hi?”

He laughed “I’m here with my friends, thought you looked lonely”

“I’m here with my neighbors,” he said “no need to worry” Regulus teased. The crowd was getting bigger and bigger, someone pushed Regulus further and such a little space was left between him and James. He could almost feel James’s heart

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“Why would you want to buy me a drink” Regulus hummed

“Hard question, perhaps because you’re pretty and that crop top suits you?”

“Go ahead then” Regulus smirked

“I like you”
“I’m sure you do”

For a while, they kept talking, James was talkative, he found many things about him with just a few minutes in “What is your last name?”

“Potter, James Potter”

Oh

Oh fuck

“Nice to meet you, Potter, I’m your best mate's younger brother,” He said and without giving Potter any room to talk he walked away. This was so embarrassing. Why was he even here? If James was here then so was Sirius. Did they live here? Somewhere close? Was it close to Regulus’s apartment? What the fuck? Since when did Potter get so hot? No. Not. Holy shit, James Bloody Potter just flirted with him. Merlin, what time was it?

Can someone please explain to Regulus why the only thing that he seems to think about non-stop is how James fucking Potter sounded like Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven? And why the fuck did he have such a huge urge to play it in that exact spot?