It’s over.
It’s over, Regulus thinks.
It’s over and yet, there’s a gnawing feeling in Regulus’ chest that just won’t stop, like something trying to claw its way out.
Regulus shudders. He still remembers the feeling of hands trying to claw their way in.
But the feeling just won’t stop. Because it’s over. All the pain, all the suffering, all the death. Over. And yet, the feeling is not.
Because why?
What was the reason for all the pain, all the suffering, all the death? Was it all purely just for entertainment and a desperate attempt to keep power? It couldn’t be. There just had to be more. There had to be.
Regulus walks towards the greenhouse. He has to speak with Riddle. He has to ask him why. There surely must be a good reason. Although, he wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn’t. It is the Hallow, after all.
Regulus reaches the entrance but is stopped by the two guards guarding it. “I’m afraid we can’t let you through, sir.”
Regulus eyes the hand touching his chest. He’s gotten better with tolerating touch but still, he’d prefer it not being a daily occurrence. Except for James. James can touch him.
He could take down the guards. Both of them. He still goes around with a dagger strapped to his leg, just in case. He could smack the guard’s hand down, pull out his dagger and slash his throat. Then he would use the dead guard’s body as a body shield when the second guard inevitably strikes. He would turn the dead body to the second guard, letting its blood streak onto the guard, confusing him and then he’d promptly throw the body away and slash the second guard’s throat.
“Let him through,” a voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He shakes his head, trying to shake his thoughts away. He wonders if the instinct to kill anyone who’s in his way will ever go away. He hopes it does. Although he wouldn’t be surprised if it didn’t.
Regulus turns around, eyes landing on the owner of the voice. Dumbledore. He smiles at him and nods and Regulus nods back and tries to muster up a smile, hoping he succeeded and didn’t pull a grimace instead. There’s something revolting about Dumbledore. Regulus doesn’t trust him. It’s something about how he always smiles even in the most grave of situations, but his smile never reaching his cold calculating eyes.
Still, Regulus is grateful for the pass. He warily eyes the guards one last time before entering the greenhouse.
Regulus is instantly hit with the smell of roses. He looks around and instantly feels sick. There are red roses everywhere. Red like blood. Crimson. He could swear that the ones in his peripheral vision are dripping blood.
He takes a deep breath, trying to push the lump in his throat down. He tries to focus on something else, and what comes first of course, is anger. Anger directed at Riddle, and the Hallow and Dumbledore and all that he lost and had to endure and the fact that Riddle is locked in a fucking greenhouse with roses instead of a dirty dingy cell.
Yup, anger will do.
Regulus keeps walking until he is met with the sight of Riddle sitting on a small stool. Even now, despite being defeated and in chains, he looks elegant, radiating power from him, his gaze cold and calculating like he’s not the one who lost. His eyes remind him of Dumbledore’s.
But there’s something else in them too. Is it… regret? Perhaps he feels regret for all the horrible things he’s done after all? No. No, there’s no way. Perhaps he regrets his power being taken away from him, but there’s no way he feels even an ounce of sympathy for the people he’s hurt. Regulus is quite sure that he is incapable of such feeling.
“Ah, Mr Black. I was hoping you’d come visit me in my… chambers.”
Regulus scowls. His chambers. He wonders if he feels the same as Regulus felt when he showed up at his house. Probably not. After all, Riddle seemed to hope for his visit. The same cannot be said about Regulus.
“I understand you must have questions. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Lucky for you, there are things I’d like to say to you before my inevitable… execution.”
The gnawing feeling inside his chest intensifies. He has the urge to slit Riddle’s throat right then and there not caring about the fact that he’ll be dead by tomorrow. But, he has to know. He has to know, “why?”
“Why?”
Regulus stifles his murderous rage once more. “Why did you do all this? Was it all just for power? For entertainment?”
Riddle smiles at him and Regulus has to resist the urge to visibly shudder. “Yes, power. Most of it was for power and entertainment too, I suppose, although that was secondary. But it wasn’t just for power, no dear Regulus,” he laughs and Regulus grimaces at the sound of his first name coming out of his mouth. “Maybe for the first few years, yes, but then you came along.”
What?
“What do you mean?” Regulus asks, confused.
Riddle laughs again, but it sounds dry, like sandpaper against metal. Riddle locks eyes with Regulus and his first instinct is to look away, but he can’t. Something is keeping him locked in place, staring into Riddle’s eyes, seeing the cold calculating gaze shifting into something strange. Something that’s full of regret and… love?
“What I mean, Regulus, is that themoment I first saw you with my own two eyes, looking like the night sky itself, shining like the star in the darkness that you are, I knew you’d stay in my heart forever. And I tried to deny it at first, to kill it, to kill you, but it prevailed as did you. Indestructible, as are you. And then when you put the dagger against James’ throat, I knew it was over for me.”
What the actual fuck? He can’t be serious, right? I mean this has to be some kind of fucked up joke.
Oh, but wait, he isn’t done. “For a second there, I wished I was him. But then I remembered what a stupid thing was that to wish. Love truly makes us fools, doesn’t it? After all, I could just have him killed. And I tried, I really tried. The bear trap? That was brilliant. His suffering brought me an all-together different kind of joy, I must say. But like the cockroach he is, he just refused to die.” Riddle scowls in disgust and Regulus wants to kill him right then and there, slowly, painfully, but he can’t move, because what the actual fuck? He genuinely cannot comprehend what’s happening right now and just wants to run, but he finds himself paralyzed with shock and pure disbelief instead.
Riddle shrugs. “Alright, I suppose he wasn’t really refusing to die in the end. That would have been the perfect ending, if I’m being honest. You should have just killed him like he asked you too, but no, you had to confess your love for him and jump into the sodding river, because oh you just couldn’t live without him, even though you spent so much time hating him.”
Regulus’ ears are ringing, he feels sick. This can’t be true, it just can’t.
“Still, I thought, alright, if you kill yourself then maybe I’ll get over whatever this whole nonsense was that possessed me. But then that stupid cockroach threatens to kill himself if they don’t give you back to him and then Slughorn, the weak stupid man he is, complies. I would have just let both of you die. Would be a pretty story. Like Romeo and Juliet. Except it’s Regulus and James,” he says James’ name with such venom that Regulus is surprised he doesn’t poison himself with it. But then again, every snake is immune to its own venom.
“Anyway, I was wholeheartedly convinced that you two decided to rebel against me. After all, you didn’t really love him, did you? And I was right. When I visited you, oh I had been so excited, you weren’t even living together. You tried to act like you were, and that you were in love, but I’m not just any Hallow, you couldn’t fool me. But as much as I was delighted by this discovery, I had to convince you to well, convince everyone else. Otherwise it would have meant rebellion. And as much as it pained me to watch you two be all lovey dovey, I knew it wasn’t real, and it had to be done,” Riddle sighs, “but it wasn’t enough, was it? So, I started preparing for war, hoping that if the situation would come, I’d be prepared and win. But I must confess, I didn’t count on Dumbledore and his Order of Phoenix being a player. Instead of focusing on Dumbledore, my mind was too preoccupied thinking about you. How I could get your attention. Tell me, Regulus, did you like my little gift to you?”
Regulus scowls. No, of course he didn’t like his ‘little gift’. In fact, when he first saw what Riddle had done his knees buckled and he threw up. Oh how he wants to make Riddle suffer. And is so angry that he’ll never be able to cause him the same pain that Riddle did to him.
Riddle sighs in disappointment. “I take that as a no. Oh well, I tried at least. Did you know that I actually wanted to get you that time I got James?”
Regulus freezes. He remembers how the Hallow took James, how they tortured him, messed with his brain and made him hate Regulus. He felt awful and powerless and not once did he wish it was him instead of James.
Riddle clicks his tongue. “Sadly, they got you out of there before the Hallow could get there. It is in fact, very sad. I could have made you love me and hate him. You could have joined me and I’m sure together we would defeat the rebels. But oh well, the odds were not in my favour that day it seems. I got the next best thing though. I got James. I could make him hate you and then perhaps you’d realize you don’t actually love him. That you deserve someone better than him.”
Regulus scoffs. He can’t believe this. “What? Someone like you?”
But there’s no sign of humor in Riddle’s answer. “Exactly.”
“So what? You did all the sick twisted things to me, to James and to everyone, because what? You love me?”
“Well not all of them. But most of them yes. I did sick twisted terrible things because I love you, Regulus Black.”
And he seems genuine. Like he means it. But to Regulus it doesn’t make any sense. If Riddle truly loved him (ugh, just the mere thought makes him sick) why would he put him through hell?
Because he’s a sadist, a voice in his head says.
Regulus shakes his head. “I don’t believe you.”
A sick twisted smile blooms on Riddle’s face. “Oh but my dear Regulus, I think we agreed not to lie to each other.”
Regulus shakes his head. He has to get out. He can’t listen to any more of whatever this is. He turns to leave but Riddle’s voice stops him.
“Wait!” The voice sounds panicked and desperate and so unlike Riddle that it makes Regulus stop and turn back just so he could look at him.
The sight of Riddle matched the tone of his voice, his features panicked and desperate and pleading. “From the moment I can remember, all I wanted was power. Power was the most important thing one could have, because with power one could have everything. And I had everything. I had everything except you. And you, Regulus Black, made me realize that power is not everything. That there is more to life. That there is more to want. That there is love. You changed me Regulus Black. You changed me as a man in a way only love could. I- I truly do love you. And I need you to believe it.”
Regulus looks at him incredulously. “I did love James. I still love James. I’ve always loved James and always will. It was never a lie. Perhaps I convinced myself that it was, but it was always the truth. I’ve always loved James and always will but even if I didn’t, even if I was all alone and there wouldn’t be a single person out there besides me and you, I would never ever love you,” Regulus spits, “and you are delusional if you ever thought I could ever love somebody like you. If it was up to me you would die slowly and painfully and perhaps then, as you’d lay there, dying and in pain, you’d realize that you are unlovable.”
Riddle looks stricken as if the worlds actually were painful to hear.
Good, Regulus thinks. He could make him suffer after all, even if it was just a friction of what he deserved.
Regulus spares him one last disgusted glare and then promptly leaves. Perhaps he didn’t need to know why, after all.