Love hurts
-Lucius View-
I had still been sitting over the accounts half the night, so I was more than happy to finally be able to go home at noon. If I was lucky, Senara would sleep for another two hours, during which I could get some sleep myself. As soon as I had unlocked the front door Andromeda fell around my neck. What the hell was she doing here at this hour.
"I have news."
"Dromeda, I'm dead tired," I mumbled softly and pushed past her into the kitchen. I could forget about the planned nap, Andromeda wasn't going to be shaken off that easily.
"Well, the problem with the babysitter for Senara may have been solved. All you have to do is agree and I'll bring her here tomorrow so she can get to know your little princess," she informed me and gave me a worried look.
"Senara recognised Sev immediately. It was beautiful and yet it was depressing on one side knowing he doesn't recognise us all anymore. She hugged him," I replied with a pained smile.
"What did you tell him?" asked Andromeda immediately, curious.
"He asked where my wife was. So I told him Senara is not my only child. I told him how it happened and also how both wives died, I left out the magic part, though he will probably wonder what the whomping willow is. As you know, I'm swamped with work at the moment, which is why I've told Severus I can't come back until the weekend, but he can call me anytime. I may have told you to drop in on him, even if you only know some of it from my stories, I don't like him being alone like that," I answered her dejectedly and dropped into the armchair.
"I can take Senara with me if you want?" she suggested.
"No that's okay. I want..."
"She's with you, the four hours in the office are already torture for you because you're afraid something might happen to her," Andromeda interrupted me knowingly.
"I know you mean well. But now about the babysitter. How does it come about?"
"I had a visitor yesterday and she asked me for a part-time job that would also fit in with her studies. All the jobs she's been offered at the ministry don't fit in with her lectures. Which is why I suggested she talk to you and take her with me if you agreed."
"Sounds like a sensible girl. Bring her tomorrow, I'll be home, I've worked most of it off tonight and Alice has to go to Mungos at ten," I replied, yawning heartily. At least that problem was off the table for now. Senara just had to accept it, but in that respect my daughter was more complicated than Draco. With Alice, it was a challenge some days to leave her here, even though she was actually quite all right.
"You work too much," Andromeda observed worriedly, pressing a cup of coffee into my hand.
"Work and Senara keep me away from my nightmares and thoughts," I murmured softly and put my head back.
-Andromeda's Sight-
Lucius was asleep within seconds. Before the coffee cup fell to the floor, I took it from him and placed it on the kitchen table. Quietly, I crept upstairs to check on Edward and Senara. They were also sleeping peacefully. Great, now what? Hopefully Lucius had some book here that wasn't about numbers or astronomy. Which was hard with this man, but I had to keep myself busy while everyone was asleep. I didn't really know this house, most of the time we were in the kitchen or the living room, so I guess curiosity drove me to take a closer look. I arrived at Lucius' study and was amazed at how neatly he had left it in the middle of the night. The pictures on the wall made me swallow hard. They were exclusively pictures of Saorise and him or Severus. Even though there was a picture of the two of them together with Senara in the living room above the fireplace, these pictures were something else again.
"I tried," Lucius' voice broke the silence. Startled, I turned around and could see the pain in his eyes.
"Before you told me yesterday that you had found Severus, I was trying to come to terms with the idea that Saorise couldn't save him. I've given up hope of finding Severus, especially alive. Even though this is my study, I avoid this room. I work in the living room, Andromeda," he added quietly, looking at me appraisingly.
"That means you banished most of the pictures here?"
"That's one way of looking at it. I can't bear to look at the pictures for any length of time. Saorise didn't have to die. She might still be alive if I hadn't taken her. Just as Severus wouldn't have become a Death Eater if I hadn't persuaded him to," he replied.
"As for Severus, I wouldn't be so sure. Of course you've done your bit, but a lot happened in his childhood and in his youth. You're not that convincing when you care about someone. The only person you could think of who could save Severus was Saorise, no one could have known Narcissa would blow a fuse and kill an innocent, especially considering my sister wasn't one for loyalty herself. You made a fool of yourself Lucius for her, don't forget that," I replied with a sour expression. That Draco could not entirely forgive Lucius for this adultery, I could still see somewhere, even if your mother had not been any better. Narcissa had only one advantage, her affairs did not produce a child who could have proved her infidelity.
"It doesn't change the fact of what I did."
"By Merlin's beard Lucius! You were acquitted because Harry noticed back at the Manor that Draco and you weren't really convinced of what you were doing! You had no choice! You were up to your neck in it! And yet you risked coming here to be with Saorise! Yes you are not an innocent angel, but you got your act together just in time! Now stop sinking into feelings of guilt, because they won't get you anywhere! Just look at Senara, if you were as bad a person as you claim to be, your little princess wouldn't be such a little angel! You regret your actions, which is good! But come back down to earth! Senara needs you and not a psychic coat tails!" I talked myself into a rage, even though I was already terribly sorry for this outburst not two seconds later. Lucius just stared at me and didn't really seem to react to anything. Hesitantly, I hugged him, which was probably the right decision.
"You are a fool," I murmured softly.
"I'm just scared.", he whispered in a broken voice and clawed painfully at my upper arm.
"Of what?"
"Of Severus hating me when he finds out everything that happened in his past," he replied barely audible and straightened up again.
"You will have to give him time. Firstly to remember and secondly to process all this. I did some more thinking yesterday, before Remus and Dora made me a slug about Teddy. Of course we can't stay silent forever, but maybe it would be better to slowly introduce Severus to his past. He can't do anything with it anyway, if you tell him that he was one of the most feared Death Eaters and a murderer. Just as he can't relate to the fact that he was with me almost every day for almost half a year and.... do you understand?"
"And what?" Merlin damned. What did that blond snoot have to be so observant about.
"Um well.", I mumbled sheepishly and turned away from Lucius.
"Andromeda, spit now," Lucius growled softly.
"Slept together a time or two," I replied meekly.
"Jesus Christ! You're just coming up with that now?!"
"No need to become a believer all of a sudden," I smirked, slightly embarrassed.
"I can't help falling in love with a half-breed. Saorise said that line like five times a day," he replied, smiling slightly.
"Ted had that habit too, which is why I always had the right answer ready for it."
"Well you and Sev? What was going on?" asked Lucius curiously, pushing me out of his study towards the stairs.
"What's supposed to have been going on? We slept together," I said, shaking my head at his curiosity.
"Yeah especially because Sev is the type who would end up in bed with Narcissa's sister as well."
"Nobody ends up in bed with Bella by choice," I laughed softly, which earned me a scathing look.
"That was disgusting. Now tell me. I'm not letting you out of here until you tell me every last detail of what went on between you two. Sev came to tell you about Ted's death, I know that, but I didn't know he came to see you often. So speak, my beloved sister-in-law," Lucius said promptly. From one moment to the next, his tiredness was gone. His stormy grey eyes shone with curiosity.
"Very well, if you say so. A week passed after that news. It was horrible. Dora and Remus were constantly away with the other Order members and I was alone, with my grief. You know the feeling Lucius." Lucius nodded curtly and gestured for me to continue.
"I finally brought myself to contact Severus. Just to be able to talk to someone. He was at my front door not two hours later. Severus just listened and held me in his arms. I felt safe again for a long time, and understood somewhere. And then it just happened. We kissed and ended up in bed. Just before the battle, Severus was with me." I took a few deep breaths before looking at Lucius again.
"He knew. Severus knew he was going to die. Why was he with you?" he asked quietly, clenching his jaw.
"To tell me that I was worth much more than just a fling. All these years he thought Lily was the only person he would love, but over time he had developed feelings for me. Only he was already in too deep with all that mess. He was only there to tell me he loved me, but the world had better things in store for me. Six hours later, the entire Order was alerted that Voldemort was on his way to Hogwarts. I went with Remus instead of Dora to look for Severus, until I finally found him in the Shrieking Shack. 'Before you came, he said one word,' I whispered softly, fighting back tears. The memory was painful and full of despair. Lucius came up to me and pulled me into his arms.
"Dromeda, why didn't you ever say anything?" whispered Lucius softly, stroking my back soothingly.
"I was afraid of looking like a whore. You have to understand Lucius. Ted hadn't been dead long and I had something going on with Severus and had developed feelings for him. The first few weeks after the war, I understood you so well. It was good to be here and to know that you were not alone in the pain of losing someone. When I saw Severus yesterday, I would have liked to hug him, that he didn't recognise me was a slap in the face," I replied, sobbing quietly, and snuggled closer into the embrace that had just given me support.
"You're not a whore just because your heart has fallen in love all over again. What did Severus say to you?"
"His eyes were radiating so much love in that moment, even if the glow was diminishing by the second. It was just a breath. Forget-me-nots." Lucius suddenly pulled his arms tighter around me and buried his face in my hair.
"Severus knew who could help him. Saorise's pet name was Forget-Me-Not," he breathed softly.