koalas are so fucked up
[Number Neighbours!!!]
[Monday 23 September 1:43 pm]
ronald : hey guys whos up for a party
remy : its a monday?
ronald : not today idiot i meant saturday
ronald : my girl emmeline is throwing a party and told me to spread the word
ronald : my first and second choices couldnt make it so im inviting you guys ://
remy : oh ok sure!
remy : nvm fuck you.
ronald : JK LOVE YOU GUYS
mf starboy : im down!
cotton eye jim : ME TOO!!!!!
ronald : also you can invite people but let me know so i can tell em how many people to expect
[marlene to remus]
[Monday 23 September 1:57pm]
marlene : heyyy remus!
remus : Yes I can invite Dorcas.
marlene : what???
marlene : i wasnt gonna ask that???
remus : Oh ok sorry what’s up?
marlene : um
marlene : heyy
remus : … hello?
marlene : can you invite dorcas to marys friends party
remus : I’m doing great Marls thanks for asking!
marlene : ok very funny ur hilarious
remus : I’ll message her now
marlene : YAY THANK YOU I LOVE YOU
remus : Please don’t embarrass yourself in front of her
marlene : i wont!!!!
[sirius to regulus]
[Monday 23 September 1:58 pm]
sirius : heyyy
sirius : regulussss
sirius : reggie
sirius : oh darling brother of mine
sirius : light of my life
sirius : pain in my arse
sirius : regulus.
sirius : REGULUS
regulus : Jesus what do you want.
sirius : hiii
regulus : Sirius I’m in the library what is it.
sirius : just wondering if you would like to come to a party with me on saturday???
regulus : Why?
sirius : um because i miss spending time with my baby brother??
regulus : I left your house an hour ago.
sirius : PLEASEEEEE I NEED YOUUU
regulus : Fine.
[Number Neighbours!!!]
[Monday 23 September 2:03 pm]
mf starboy : i have a plus one!!!!
remy : omg whoooo🤭
mf starboy : my brother.
remy : oh
remy : boring.
team jacob : I invited Dorcas if that's ok Mary
ronald : ofc!!!
[sirius to james and marlene]
[Monday 23 September 2:07pm]
sirius : who..
sirius : is dorcas
sirius : i cant do this
[sirius named the chat WHYYY]
james : dont jump to conclusions
sirius : IVE FUCKING LANDED JAMES
sirius : HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND
sirius : WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO SEXY PEOPLE
james : ITS OK!!!
james : THERES PLENTLY OF FISH IN THE SEA
marlene : …
marlene : what is happening
sirius : im mourning cant you tell
marlene : what
marlene : OH
marlene : WJJEHEJWJEJEH
marlene : NO
marlene : SHES NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND
sirius : YOU DONT KNOW THAT!!!
marlene : YES I DO
marlene : REMUS INVITED HER FOR ME
marlene : SHES HIS HOT COWORKER
sirius : what
sirius : really?
marlene : yes.
sirius : HAYAYYAAYAY
james : AKJAJAJWJWHHAYYA
james : YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE!!!
sirius : id like to thank my brother and james and my fans for this opportunity
marlene : umm what about me????
sirius : u win some u lose some marls
[Number Neighbours!!!]
[Monday 23 September 2:17 pm]
mf starboy : yay!
marley and me : PFFFTTT
mf starboy : quiet down
remy : yo koalas are so fucked up
ronald : what.
cotton eye jim : noooo theyre so cute
remy : they like all have chlamydia.
marley and me : ok?
marley and me : so does sirius and we still hang out with him
mf starboy : I DONT HAVE CHLAMYDIA???
marley and me : a likely story
mf starboy : count your days mckinnon.
remy : koalas brains are literally flat like they are so dumb
mf starboy : marlene dont say a word
marley and me : …
marley and me : i feel threatened
merida : koalas also arent born with the right gut bacteria to digest the only food they eat
remy : case in point
remy : koalas are fucked up
cotton eye jim : what has brought on this sudden hatred for koalas
remy : i love koalas!!
remy : i just think the world need to open its eyes and see how insane they are
ronald : dolphins are worse
cotton eye jim : WHAT
ronald : sorry they are.
cotton eye jim : THEYRE LIKE SO INTELLIGENT
remy : im with mary on this dolphins are evil
cotton eye jim : fine whats your favourite animal then.
remy : not too sure
ronald : OTTERS FTW
marley and me : platypus.
cotton eye jim : i literally just asked peter
cotton eye jim : but fine lets have circle time.
ronald : wtf crawled up ur arse?
cotton eye jim : uni course work
ronald : understandable
merida : i like red pandas!
team jacob : Is it because you’re ginger
merida : whats ur favourite animal then wolf boy
team jacob : Well now I don’t want to say.
merida : yeah leave me and my ginger pandas alone
remy : im still stuck on marlene’s FAVOURITE animal beinf a platypus
marley and me : why?
remy : out of all the animals on earth…
marley and me : whats not to love about platypuses.
marley and me : they are the most ridiculous animal even there name is fucking stupid
marley and me : how is platypuses weirder than otters
ronald : OTTERS CUDDLE EACH OTHER
cotton eye jim : she has a point they do
mf starboy : they also hold hands when they sleep
team jacob : Oh hey you’re back
mf starboy : yeah was j talking to my brother
mf starboy : why did u miss me🤭
team jacob : No.
mf starboy : oh
marley and me : that was fucking brutal
[sirius’ bf to remus’ bf]
[Monday 23 September 2:42 pm]
sirius’ bf : Maybe
[sirius to WHYYY]
[Monday 23 September 2:43 pm]
sirius : [screenshot.jpeg]
sirius : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
james : MATEEEEEE
james : HE LIKES YOUUUU
marlene : shit hes bold today
sirius : WHAT DO I DOOOOO
james : ANSWER HIM!!!!????!?
marlene : DONT LEAVE HIM ON READ FUCKWIT???
sirius : FUCK SHIT OK
[remus’ bf to sirius’ bf]
[Monday 23 September 2:44 pm]
remus’ bf : i knew it
remus’ bf : you love me
sirius’ bf : All I said was maybe
remus’ bf : basically a declaration of love
sirius’ bf : Sure.
sirius’ bf : So will I meet this mysterious Regulus on Saturday?
remus’ bf : if he behaves himself
remus’ bf : what about you who’s your plus one?
sirius’ bf : Dorcas my coworker
sirius’ bf : Marlene begged me to invite her bc she’s too pussy to ask herself
sirius’ bf : She’s technically Marlene’s plus one I’m just the messenger pigeon
remus’ bf : ig i’ll have to keep you company while marls attempts to seduce your date
sirius’ bf : If it’s such a chore I’m sure your brother can do it for you
remus’ bf : yk what he might not be able to make it anymore ://
[sirius to regulus]
[Monday 23 September 2:51 pm]
sirius : youre no longer invited
regulus : Excuse me?
sirius : yeah sorry :/
regulus : It’s Emmeline Vance’s party isn’t it?
sirius : umm yeah i think so
regulus : I’m Pandora’s plus one to that anyway.
sirius : FUCK