I'm sure that you'll understand it when you grow up, The youth we were allowed to be.
It was just like every other day, Kanade just finished composed the new demo for new song when suddenly a notification could be heard from her phone, she reach for her phone and open it up and looked up at the notification, it was a text from her grandmother
Grandma
⟨Kanade are you free right now? Can I call you?⟩
Kanade look at the text, and reply it with sticker that says "ok", this has become Kanade's habit when answering chat with her phone, because she isn't good with typing in her phone.
Not so long after that she got a phone call from her grandmother, she picked up the call and listen to what her grandmother about to say
"Hello Kanade? It's been a while, how have you been? Still composing music?", Ask her grandmother from the call.
"Hello Grandma, its been a while, I've been fine, i met some friends and been close with them and making music together with them, how have you been grandma", replied her.
"Its nice to hear that, me? I've been how I always been Kanade. anyway, there's something I want talk about with you"
"Hmm?", Kanade muttered.
"What do you think about going back to school?"
"Eh?...What do you mean grandma? I've been doing online school all this time", Kanade confusedly ask.
"I mean back to normal school Kanade, you've been inside your house for too long, I think you need to socialize more Kanade, Im worried about your situation, I don't want you to be a shut in Kanade.", Said her grandmother sound concerned from the other end of the call.
"I don't think its necessary grandma... I mean, I think my online school do as great as it is, also I've been going out with my friend more often than before lately, so I think grandma needed yo worry about that either... Also it will reduce my time on composing if I need to go to normal school again", Kanade reply.
Her grandmother kindly reply, "Im just worried for your well being and future In the long term Kanade, don't you think went back to School would somehow help you get inspiration for music? It also could help you got accepted in music school, if you interested? What do you think", still trying to persuade Kanade to agree
"Grandma I don't think it's a bad idea... but, then what about my promise with fath—", Kanade spoke before Interrupted by her grandmother
"Kanade" Said her grandmother boldly, which sent Kanade a shiver a bit before she continue to talk, "Please don't blame yourself for what happened to your father, it's not your fault ok. Also don't you think your father would probably sad if when he wake up then found out how his daughter living her life by the time he is hospitalized and blaming herself"
Hearing that Kanade feel a bit guilty but still told herself that its wrong, she is the cause of her father suffering, she doesnt deserve to mourn it.
Kanade haven't reply to her grandmother yet, don't know what to say, left her grandmother in silent.
After a while her grandmother again, now with softer tone, "Kanade, Im sorry, I dont want to force you ok? Just give it a consideration ok? Your father—my son—will probably be happy if you going back to school too, if you have a change of heart about it just let me know ok."
Will her father actually be happy knowing she went back to school? Feeling guilty Kanade replied to her grandmother,"Ok Grandma... im sorry too... I will told you if I change my mind."
"Ok then, well see you Kanade"
"See you too Grandma"
And then the call got hang up.
What they just talk lingered in Kanade's mind Is that really a good idea? Will her father be happy if she went back to school? Isn't it better if she just keep her promise to keep composing Kanade thought to herself
The thought of getting back to school wasn't bad by anything, in fact there's still part of her that wanted to, but it just that Her mind was still clouded with guilt that made her feels like she doesn't deserve it.
She spent her day thinking about it, while still compose for a new song—which she feel distracted.
Later that night at 25:00 is her usual meeting time with her music group Nightcord at 25:00—Niigo—where she join the meeting as usual, she saw that the others already joined the call. She joins the call.
"Oh K, you finally join!", She was greeted by Amia's loud voice.
"You're so noisy Amia, could you keep it down", as usual Enanan annoyed by Amia's loud voice.
Yuki as always, doesn't say much about it
"K. How's your new demo?", Ask Yuki
"Hmm... Other than the one I sent last morning, Im still haven't finished the new one yet...", Reply Kanade with her voice sound lower than the usual
"K. is everything alright?", Ask Enanan feeling concerned
"Yeah, if anything wrong you can always talk to us you know.", Add by Amia
"Its... nothing, it just there's something that's on my mind for a while", Reply K.
"What's is it in your mind K?", oddly Yuki ask about it.
"Umm..Well..last morning my grandmother calls me and offer me to go back to school—" before she could continue telling what happened that morning, suddenly...
"EEEEE!!! K, THE YOISAKI KANADE WENT BACK TO SCHOOL!!! NO WAY!! IS THIS A DREAM!!", Shouts Amia with voice so high that make the other step back from their chair a little
"AMIA SHUT UP! But yeah, K are you really going to back to school? Whats wrong with the correspondence system school?", Asks Ena curious.
"Wait guys...let me finish what Im about to say...so umm...my grandma actually offered me to went back to school because she worried about my well being...but umm..", Kanade mumbled.
"Did she forced you?", Yuki ask with a tone of seriousness in her voice
"No its not like that...she actually say that she weren't going to forced me and left the decision for me to make, she only told me to give it a thought... And that's what actually have been bugging me the whole day... Im just... Not sure how to react to...", Said Kanade with a little bit of sadness in her voice.
"K, do you actually want to go back to school?", Ask Yuki
"I...To be honest don't know...It could probably help me get some inspiration for song but...it would also decrease my time on composing... whenever thinking about it I feel like betraying my promise to my father...but grandma said that my father would probably be happy if I went back to school..I don't know what to do, I really don't...I think I need you guys thought on this matter, what do you guys think?", Kanade ask the rest of Niigo, as they thought about it before giving what on their mind to Kanade.
It start with Enanan, "Well K. I couldn't say for sure about whether your father would be happy about it or not, but in my opinion you should think what you really wanted to do, if you think it's a good Idea then why dont you go with it? Personally I don't think it was a bad idea, maybe a change of pace would help you get inspiration or even improvising your songs, but well if you think that online school is enough then so be it."
Followed by Amia, "Im agree with Ena, I think it would be good for change of pace, also, DON'T YOU THINK IT WOULD BE COOL SEEING KANADE IN SCHOOL UNIFORM, CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW CUTE IT IS, AND THEN THE OTHER STUDENT WILL WOR—" before Amia could continue mumbling about it Ena stopped her.
"ITS ENOUGH AMIA!"
"Sorry-sorry, Im just kidding, im just excited thinking about it, but I also think its good idea for Kanade to went back to school, atleast she could socialize a little bit more"
"Well then how about next time you stop skipping school"
"Eeee~ what did you say Enanan??" Mizuki says playfully.
The last person who have yet to talk about what they thought is Yuki, "How about Yuki?...what do you think?"
"I dont know.", Said Yuki, Monotone.
"Hey atleast say something else Yuki", Enanan Angered
Yuki went silent for a bit and then start to talk, "If it could help K to improve her song, then i won't be against it.", and then went silent like usual.
After a while then Kanade start to talk again, "umm, thanks everyone... I will give it a thought... Would you guys mind if I went offline early today?" Ask Kanade for permission
"Its ok K you can, let us know if you already make up your decision" Replies Amia,"Yeah, take your time to give it a thought K" Replies Enanan, lastly, "I don't mind" Replies Yuki
"Thank you guys...umm then I will take my leave, see you guys tomorrow as always" Said Kanade before then disconnected from the voice call and went offline.
She then step back from the table a little, looking down, giving the thought more thinking, she still has vague answer to the thought, some part of her thought it was a good thing, but some part of her thought she doesn't deserve it.
She also search about it through the internet, her mind still filled with clashes about what to do. In the end she conclude that she better keep doing correspondence school as it gives her more time to focus in composing and fullfil her promise. Even though she said that to herself, a tint of sadness grown inside of her heart, but she keep telling herself she didn't deserve feeling that way...until suddenly she accidentally found something she never expected to saw
As she put her hand on her table, Kanade accidentally found out the desk she usually use—her father's old desk—has a secret cabinet in it, inside there's...
...A picture.
...Of a girl.
...Of Kanade in her middle school uniform surrounded by sakura tree in the first year of middle school.
...When she saw it, she feels like as if the time around her just froze. The picture take her back to the memory of her past, the memory when the first day after she entered middle school, the memory of her happy self smile in front of the middle school building while while her father take a picture of her. They look happy, her father looks happy, the memory remind her of another happiest moment in her life.
The memory as if clicking something in her heart, Without realizing tears fell from her eyes. She tried to wipe it, but it keep coming down. Ah I see now... I really miss it... I really miss him... Is it ok... For me to be selfish again just this once? She thought. Realizing that her father that picture of her in his desk, she thought did he really happy back then... When taking the picture... Did he keep it here because he's happy... But im the one who took it from him... I shouldn't even—she stop thinking for a second...her mind is still fuzzy, its to much for her, she doesn't know what to do, the tears already stopped flowing, but some still dwell on her eyes.
She look at the picture again, she saw her own happy face...she missed it, she know that, she really missed it, she want to go back to that time again. She wipe her tears that are left in her eyes made her decision...
For the first time since a long time, she chooses to act selfish—after a lot of consideration. She will attend to normal school again, maybe it will help her getting new idea for song? But who knows, what's certain is that atleast she could have a different topic when talking with her father in hospital...and maybe he will remember her more a little bit—she hoped.
When she's about to call her grandmother and told her about her decision, she realized that it still 2am in the morning, she would wait until later to call her. Tired from crying she then choose to sleep that night. She went to her bed, and close her eyes. Although she doesn't realize it, her face formed a smile—relieved smile—while she sleeping
She wakes up at 7am and straight away call her grandmother. She search her grandmother number through her contact and click the call button. The ring could be heard, before the call got accepted
"Hello Kanade, is everything alright?", Asked her grandmother through the phone
"Grandma...I have made my decision...I think I will go with the idea of back attending a normal school...if you still offering it"
"That's...nice Kanade, im surprised you actually agreed to the idea, I thought you wouldn't even give it a thought.", Replied her grandmother surprised before then continue,"Then, did you have any particular school in mind that you wanted to attend to?", her grandmother asked her
"Eh...I haven't thought that far...umm I thought grandma has already had thought of it", Replied Kanade surprised
"I see, well, I've actually been searching through some school online, there's one that has a good reputation and I think would suit Kanade.", she stop a while before continue asking,"What you think about Miyamasuzaka Girl's Academy, hmm what do the youngs call it again, Miyajou I think, what do you think about that school Kanade? They say it has a good reputation and good facility's and some bright student, and isn't Mochizuki-san also went there", her grandmother continue excitingly.
"Eh—", Kanade Muttered
Eh, Miyajou, isn't that Mafuyu's—she thought. For her it wasn't a bad idea, a good one actually, she could probably understand and help mafuyu more, she also already has some acquaintance such as Hoshino-san and Hanasato-san, even Mochizuki-san, it really wasn't a bad Idea
"Umm I think its a ok, I've had some friends and acquaintance who also went there, as long as its not burdening Grandma with its payments then I don't mind", Kanade answered, try to make sure it won't burden her grandmother
"Nice then Kanade, also it's good then atleast you already had friend there, I will try contact the school, I will let you know the details later", Her grandmother stop before continue,"well then Kanade, see you later.", her grandmother bid a farewell
"See you later too Grandma, thanks for everything" replied by Kanade
"Don't mention it, everything for my beloved granddaughter" said her grandmother before hang up the calls
Kanade then went back lay herself on her bed, looking at the ceiling, thinking what she just signed herself up to, went back to school? Also same school as Mafuyu? She sure it's going to be exciting, she just hope that she wouldn't regret it... And just hurt another people of her father even more...well she won't regret it, will she?
Well she probably need to tell this to Niigo, she just text a simple message
⟨So uhh...my grandmother enroll me to Miyajou⟩
And sent a sticker, and suddenly she heard a lot of pings from her phone. Not being bothered by it, she close her eyes and sleep for a little bit more