doubts
‘How are you?’
‘What do you think? I'm going to be a mother in a few weeks and I have no plan on how to do that - no plan on how to be a mother,’ she replied bitterly, continuing to look off into the distance.
‘Harry told me what happened yesterday,’ Bill said quietly after a while. ‘Only me,’ he added.
~
It was a day like any other. It was early September, which meant that the birth of Harry and Ginny's baby was now getting closer with each passing day. Actually, that should have brought joy to Ginny. Actually.
‘Hey Gin,’ Harry greeted his wife as he came home from work on Friday. He had found her in the nursery, which they had finished a few weeks ago with the help of the whole family. She was sitting on the floor among the onesies, nappies, little caps and socks, staring around the room without saying anything.
‘Gin?’ asked Harry cautiously. ‘Ginny?’
She finally looked up at him. ‘I can't do this Harry!’ she said blankly as her eyes gleamed.
He furrowed his eyebrows. ‘What, Gin? What can't you do?’ he huffed, sitting down carefully beside her on a vacant spot he had found among all the baby things.
‘All of this! I don't know how to be a mother! I-I don't know how to change a nappy or how to breastfeed. I can't tell the difference between a baby's cries and how best to hold a baby. How do I know if I have enough things for them? How do I know when they are hungry and don’t just want to be changed? How-’
‘Hey Gin, look at me,’ Harry interrupted her, taking her face between his hands. Tears ran from her eyes down over his hands.
‘Harry, it all feels like a huge mistake! We should never have been so irresponsible. We made a baby, a- a little innocent creature. And- and they’re not even born yet and I already feel like I'm failing. We should never have been so irresponsible!’ Her whole body shook as more and more tears ran down her cheeks and over Harry's hands.
‘Ginny-,’ Harry began, trying to sound as calm as possible.
But she shook her head. ‘No Harry, there are no words you could say to make me feel better! I-I've heard enough of that already. That I'll be great as a mother because Molly Weasley is my mother and she's such a great mother. I was literally born to be a mother!’ she sobbed and Harry recognised the sarcasm in her voice. ‘Yet everyone forgets that I've only turned twenty-two! I'm fucking twenty-two! And yes, my mum had kids even earlier, but she chose to. She wanted to be a mum so early!’ Another sob ran through her whole body, mingling with trembling. Her whole body shook as Harry took her in his arms and stroked her head.
It was no use saying that everything would be all right. That maybe it was just the hormones talking. Nor was it any use being hurt that she was regretting the decision to have the child at the moment. He often felt the same way, he had to admit to himself. Even if he didn't regret the decision to keep the baby, he wondered if they had really made the right one.
‘I can't do this, Harry! I can't do it!’ said Ginny again between sobs.
Without further ado, he wrapped one arm under the back of her knees and the other around her torso and lifted her up. Even pregnant, he could still carry Ginny easily, as she was quite small and she hadn't gained much pregnancy weight from the workouts she had been doing until a week ago.
Slowly, he walked into their bedroom and gently placed her on the bed before reaching for his wand. He conjured a Patronus and then lay down beside Ginny, hugging her to him.
‘I can't do this,’ she replied, sobbing again.
‘Shhh,’ Harry said softly, stroking her hair. He hoped she couldn't sense his distress, but he doubted she was even aware of anything around her at that moment.
‘Ginny? Harry?’ he heard his silent mother-in-law's voice a few minutes later before she entered the bedroom a short time later. ‘Ginny sweetheart, what's wrong?’ she asked shocked to find her daughter sobbing and clinging to Harry.
Ginny looked up at her mother briefly with puffy eyes. ‘I can't do this, Mum! I can't be a mother!’
‘Oh sweetheart,’ Molly said sympathetically and walked around the bed to sit on Ginny's side of the bed.
When she felt her mother's hand on her back, more tears came up and her body began to shake uncontrollably again.
‘Breathe, Gin,’ Harry said softly. ‘You need to breathe.’
Molly got up from the bed again and disappeared into the Potters' bathroom for a short time. Then, she returned with a potion and put it to Ginny's lips. ‘Drink this, sweetheart.’
Ginny did as she was told and a short time later her body relaxed and she slipped into a dreamless sleep.
~
She scoffed. ‘Why did he tell you of all people? Why not Ron? Or Hermione?’
‘Because I'm the only one of your brothers who has children of their own,’ Bill replied.
‘And how are you supposed to help me in any way?’ asked Ginny, finally possessing the good grace to look at her eldest brother. ‘For all I know, you're a man. And Fleur didn't get pregnant unplanned at twenty-one.’
‘That doesn't mean I didn't have doubts about the whole baby thing,’ he returned. ‘But you're right. No one knows how you feel. And no one has the right to say they know how you feel. No one in our family will probably be able to know. But we all want to help you.’
Ginny snorted again and let her hand wander over her stomach. ‘No one can help me.’
Bill ignored her comment. ‘It's perfectly fine for you to feel that way, but it shouldn't steal all your attention. I'm firmly convinced you'll make a good mother, even if you now think you have no plan at all. A lot comes intuitively when the baby is born. And you can't do much wrong if you just give the baby what it needs most: Love.’ He smiled. ‘And it'll probably get plenty of that from you and Harry.’
He paused for a moment. ‘We're a family, Ginny. We're here for you no matter what, you don't have to do this all by yourself. You've got Harry who would do anything to make sure you're happy and that you're okay. You've got Mum who would move in with you to help you out. And you've got the rest of us who, apart from Dad, Fleur and I, might not know much about babies, but we're all here for you anyway.’
Ginny looked at her brother again. A small smile played around her lips. ‘Promise?’
‘Promise!’
~
‘How are you, Harry?’ asked Arthur, stepping up beside Harry who was watching the conversation between Bill and Ginny from the kitchen window. ‘Molly told me about yesterday.’
Harry shrugged. ‘Better than Ginny. But I don't think it's going to be one hundred percent great until the baby's here and Ginny doesn't have those doubts anymore.’
Arthur put a hand on his shoulder. ‘If you need someone to talk to, son, I'm always here to listen.’
Harry looked at his father-in-law and smiled. ‘Thank you, Arthur!’
~
‘Is that normal?’, Harry asked his mother-in-law with tears in his eyes as they both left the bedroom.
Sympathetically, Molly looked at him. ‘I've had my doubts too, and it's perfectly normal, but I've never experienced it as badly as I did with Ginny.’
‘I feel so helpless,’ Harry admitted in a choked voice, whereupon Molly gave her son-in-law a hug. He felt safe in that embrace, even though Molly, like Ginny, was a head shorter than him.
‘She had a panic attack. No one could have really helped her there,’ she said, breaking away from him. ‘It will get better, Harry. And you'll get through this. Together.’