Drunk Confessions
Does the body rule the mind
Or does the mind rule the body?
I don't know.
Under the iron bridge we kissed
And although I ended up with sore lips
It just wasn't like the old days anymore
No, it wasn't like those days.
A few minutes of driving later James parked the car in front of Lily’s home, a nice tiny space that she bought just after she finished highschool. He could hear everyone before he even opened the gate to go in. He looked at Sirius who rang the doorbell and realised it had started snowing.
“The snowflakes are so nice! I hope we’ll have snow for a while.” Sirius smiled, looking up at the sky and sticking his tongue out to try to catch some snow.
“That's not going to work, it should be some time of law I think. It's impossible to catch snow with your tongue!” James said while Mary opened the door to let them in.
“Bonjour! Come on everyone is getting ready” she had tinsel in her hair and a ton of body glitter on her chest, so did Lily and Marlene, who were helping Dorcas put some on.
“James!” Remus said, running to give him a hug. “I'm engaged now aren't you happy?” Remus batted his eyelashes at him.
“Mate I love you but I'd love the change of clothes Sirius promised much more.” James said, grinning.
“Oh it's over here” Remus said while walking towards the couch to grab a bag. “I wanted to grab that cool jacket of yours but it just disappeared! Did you throw it away? I searched for it for like an hour” he handed James his clothes “I even called Euphemia to see if they were in the wash but she said no! Where did it go dude?”
Just then James remembered he had given his jacket to Regulus and forgot to ask if he had brought it back.
“It's got to be somewhere, maybe you just didn't look close enough? I don't know Moony, leave me alone, I'm tired.” James said while heading towards the bathroom to get changed.
The clothes Remus brought were actually cute together, he had always been the best-dressed one out of the group. James wet his hands and ran them through his hair to look a little better after all those ballet hours and went back to the living room where Sirius was letting the girls put glitter on him.
“Prongs look I'm all sparkly!!” He smiled, pointing to his clothes.
“We offered to do his makeup too but he said we will be late” Lily smiled, walking towards James. “Here let me glitter you up too” she said before spraying some sort of perfume on Prongs.
“Incredible. I look fabulous. Okay everyone lets go!!” he rolled his eyes.
“How are we going to get there?” Dorcas asked while slipping her red mirror back in her purse.
“We walk! It's snowing really nicely” Peter said.
And they did walk, quite a bit. James was already worried for the way back, being absolutely sure that they would not manage to fully walk back. The bar was on a nice and quiet alley, it wasn't their first time going to it. It was a gay bar, but both James and Peter, who had never done anything remotely romantic with anyone of the same gender, were okay with it.
“Ah, I missed this place!” Marlene spun around as if to show how happy she was “I'll go get us drinks!” She smiled, taking Dorcas’ hand to drag her along.
“I nearly failed that exam I studied for, I'm drinking until I puke my guts out tonight.” Peter whinged.
“James, will you be drinking?” Lily asked kindly.
“Only a bit, don't want to get too drunk or else all of you aren't making it home afterwards.”
It was true after all. James Potter was the most balanced person in the group, he didn't smoke like Remus and Sirius and he barely allowed himself any alcohol because well…safety first!
They all sat down on a round couch, Remus laying on Sirius’ lap to talk about some author he’s studying and Marlene and Dorcas would snog every so often. Peter would sometimes make conversations with Lily and Mary about how difficult he found medicine, and everytime either James or Sirius told him they didn't find the questions difficult he would take another shot, playfully threatening to fight them.
After everyone got drunk, some more than others, they decided to discuss how their dares were coming along.
“Well I bloody love these gloves of mine!” Sirius said while arranging them a bit better on his hand “But I hate how my ring isnt visible and I have to take one off to show it. Anyway Mary, Marlene, how's learning French? Any progress?”
“Très bien ! Je peux parler facilement.” Mary grinned, lifting up her cup to toast with Sirius, who turned to Marlene.
"Je déteste la français." She groaned, giving Padfoot a serious look.
“Uh actually its: Je déteste le français.” Sirius mocked her slightly.
“I hate my dare! I only read like what…five books out of two hundred? Remus love, you're evil.” Lily said. “What about you James, how's ballet class?”
“I saw him when I picked him up, he looked sooo happy!” Sirius giggled.
“Yeah, it's very fun but a bit too difficult. Too many things to pay attention to, also I'm pretty sure I'm too fat for it.” James tried to not seem too excited to tell them about class and everything that was happening because that would mean talking about Regulus, just then he remembered to text him.
James went quiet for a bit, opening his phone to send Regulus a message.
Bring me my jacket next time will you? Sirius noticed it was gone and I can't come up with an excuse for too long..! Sorry! he hesitated but figured the text was alright for now.
Remind me on Monday too or else I'll forget! Regulus was quick to respond.
Just as James was about to text again he heard his friends toasting something, and he had to join in.
“To our friendship!” Peter said, lifting his glass.
“Yeah!” they all chanted, clanking their cups.
James smiled, taking his time to look around. As he was about to drink he noticed someone, who also noticed him. Evan– his client. He didn't know what to do so he just smiled and nodded, before Sirius grabbed him just in time to whisper something in his ear.
“I think Wormtail saw someone that caught his eye, look at how he's looking around!” Padfoot smiled, pointing to Peter in a way that only he and James would notice.
Prongs looked at him, and well- Sirius was right. His eyes were all wide, with a sort of admiration in them. James laid in to whisper something back to Sirius.
“He doesn't stand a chance, I'm pretty sure everyone in here besides me and him is queer.” He missed these fun conversations between him and Sirius, their gossiping sessions.
“Bold of you to assume it's a girl, lets see how this plays out I have a feeling it's a guy” Sirius winked.
“Holy shit you guys I love this song!” Marlene yelled as Do I Wanna Know? by Arctic Monkeys began playing, it had always been a group favourite.
“Let's go dance!” Remus took another shot before standing up, dragging Dorcas and Mary with him
“I'm good!” Peter said
“Your loss Pete, at least take care of our drinks while we’re gone okay?” Sirius laughed a bit while James helped him stand up. “He's definitely watching someone” Sirius leaned in to whisper again.
The whole club seemed to enjoy this song, everyone gathering around to sing.
“Do I wanna knowww!!!” Remus leaned on Sirius, to grab him by the arm.
They all had a fun time throughout the whole song, singing and jumping around together:
Do I wanna know? If this feeling flows both ways!
This lyric always hurt James a bit, back when he and Lily dated he kissed her for the first time during this part of the song. Ever since then Lily always comes to give him a kiss on the cheek, for the sake of the tradition
“Love you lots James!” she said while going back to dance with Mary, twirling her around.
The song ended and before James could realise what happened Sirius was already dragging him around by his hand, looking panicked. He sat him down on the couch, while Moony was trying to catch up, always being a bit slower because of his chronic hip pain.
“I think…not sure though, but I think I was Regulus.” Padfoot said, looking as if he was going to cry.
“Do you want us to leave? The girls will stay for longer than us anyway, I can walk you guys home” James said, standing up to put a hand on Sirius’ shoulder.
“I don't want to ruin the fun for everybody, it's just…” he was crying. Sirius Black was crying.
“C’mon let's go. Remus, can you tell Peter we’re leaving?” James said while opening his wallet to give him a fifty to hand to Marlene for the drinks.
“Sure…wait for me outside okay?” Moony said, kissing Sirius before going to find Marlene and Peter.
Sirius held James’ hand on their way out. He was always clingy whenever something happened, as if he was scared of being alone. James held the door open for him, and he tied his hair back with a hair tie he had in his pocket. Ever since James met Sirius he would always keep hair ties in every jacket he had, for moments like these. They waited a bit before Remus joined them. As soon as Padfoot saw him, he took off his glove and he grabbed Moony’s hand, holding him tightly.
“It's okay Padfoot, c’mon lets get you home.” he whispered, placing one hand on Sirius’ cheek to wipe his tears.
James had no idea when they got home, the only part he remembered was Sirius asking to sit in the living room because he wanted to be close to both Remus and James.
“Il me manque, en quelque sorte. Je ne peux plus vraiment en vouloir à Regulus. Parfois, j’ai l’impression d’être en tort, que tout ce qui est arrivé est de ma faute. Il m’arrive encore de faire des cauchemars.” Sirius said. He would always talk in french when he was either drunk or upset for whatever reason. James and Remus combined knew enough to roughly understand he missed Regulus and Prongs was pretty sure Padfoot also said he missed him.
“It’ll pass Padfoot, you are just shaken, that's all.” James laid down next to him so they could be on the same level, he always found this very helpful.
“Thing is,” he said, trying not to hiccup from crying so much “I wanted to invite him to our wedding, Moony. I want to apologise but I'm scared, especially since he’s back in London.” Sirius began to tremble slightly “How do you do it James? How can you still see him now?” he wept.
“So that’s what this is about, babe you should’ve told me if something was wrong!” Remus got closer to Sirius, he held him a bit tighter.
James decided it was time to leave them alone for a bit. Sirius and Remus always had this sort of like, magical bond between each other. Something he and Padfoot never had. James got up, and once Sirius began to beg him not to leave, James said he’s just going to make some tea, then Remus asked for coffee so he ended up making both. He brought everything arranged all nicely on a white stained tray, with a few biscuits and some chocolate.
“J’aimerais une cigarette.” Sirius hiccuped, trying to reach for a pack of cigarettes.
“Um, no. I'm not letting you smoke your feelings away, Padfoot. Lets talk.” James said, taking the cigarettes and shoving them in his pocket.
“Moony! He wont let me smoke! C’mon please James!” he begged.
“Only if you finish your tea, you’re dehydrated.” Remus interfered, finding a way for both of them to be happy, as he always had done.
They drank in silence, both Remus and James staying close to Sirius while he would cry a bit more every once in a while. Once Sirius finished his drink, James handed him one cigarette, just enough to satisfy his craving. Sirius lit it and took one long inhale, before stopping to ask:
“How is he?” he turned to James, who coughed from the smoke.
“Happy, I think. Depends on what you want to know.” James sat up a bit straighter, choosing his words carefully.
“Is he uh…seeing someone?” Sirius asked the first thing that came to mind.
“I don't know, I never asked. If you want to talk to him maybe I can ask, I'm sure he’ll like to see you.” James didn't want to tell Sirius how he had already spoken a lot to Regulus, how he knows he wants to see Padfoot. Prongs felt guilty.
“Yeah I guess I sort of want us to reconnect? I'm scared though, it's like I can feel Walburgas voice from that night everytime I think about it. I want to try, but it makes me feel nauseous.” James nodded, listening to everything Sirius had to say “Speaking of that, I’m going to puke” Sirius said getting up and running to the bathroom, Remus following him closely to help hold his hair up.
James was left alone, pondering his next move. He figured Sirius would regret what he said the next morning, he always did that. Prongs had an idea, a sort of ringing in the back of his mind.
Sirius misses you. He texted Regulus. He wasn’t sure why he thought it was a good idea, or what exactly he was going to do with the response he would get, but if it was going to help Sirius and Regulus communicate better, he would try. Regulus was quick to respond despite it being four in the morning, just then James actually considered the possibility of him really being at the club, and Sirius actually seeing him.
I miss him too. He looked happy when he came to pick you up today. I hope he’s okay. Regulus wrote. James concluded that since he was alone and Sirius would be puking for the next 10 minutes or so, continuing to text Regulus wasn't a bad idea.
How come you up at this hour? He asked, trying to find out if Sirius really saw Regulus or not.
Was hanging out with friends, I'm pretty bored now though and I look like shit. I have to be at the theatre at 6:30. James smiled a bit.
Gee why do they make you wake up this early? Are you sure you didn't join the army by accident? James asked, feeling the alcohol in his bloodstream sort of act up.
Teehee you're funny :) Regulus responded.
Well what can I say? I’m perfect aren't I? James had no idea why he was still texting.
Yeah, rly pretty too.
No one ever referred to me as pretty before..! By now Prongs was fully convinced his hands had a mind of their own.
Well you r, at least thats wht I thimk. Regulus was responding so quickly James wasn't even surprised by the unholy amount of typos.
You’re pretty too, I enjoy looking at you. James sent the text before realising what he wrote, then he threw his phone at the other end on the couch in embarrassment and went to check on Sirius and Remus, who still hadn’t come back. On his way there he found Remus already heading towards the bedroom, carrying Sirius in his arms, having to make sure to not hit his head whenever he left a room.
“He fell asleep.” he whispered from across the room.
“Should I go home?” James asked, not knowing what would be appropriate in that situation.
“Whatever you’d like” Remus said, smiling before going into the bedroom to tuck Sirius in.
“Think i'll let you guys alone, let me know what he says when he wakes up okay? I'm sure he’ll regret basically everything he said today” James said before giving Remus a hug.
“Alright, text me when you get home, it’s still dark outside.”
James grabbed his things, phone (which he swore he wouldn't open until he got home) , wallet and a puffer jacket of Sirius’ since his was too thin for how cold it had gotten outside.
“Bye Moony!” he smiled, feeling so tired he could practically crumble to the floor.
“Bye Prongs, see ya” Remus said before lighting up a cigarette.
James took the elevator down, he had this insane love for elevators since his flat didn't have one. He walked outside and the wind absolutely smashed him in the face, the tiny snowflakes that were falling felt like a ton of bees were stinging his face all at the same time, though the cold felt a bit familiar. That same day, well, technically the day before, Regulus had touched him with hands as cold as the air outside, the connections his mind was making were creeping him out. Prongs could feel his phone buzzing in his pocket, not knowing if it’s Regulus, Marlene and the girls or Remus. He walked slowly back home, feeling himself sober up slightly from the cold. After climbing up the stairs to his apartment he had to use every last bit of his willpower to text Remus.
Got home safe. He wrote, his hands stiff from the weather.
He saw that Regulus had texted him, James decided he would sleep on the couch since he didn't want to get changed so just before laying down he opened the messages.
Can't wait to see you on Monday, let Sirius know I said hi.
James smiled at that, he responded with a quick : Same here, will do. Before plugging in his phone to charge and almost instantly falling asleep on his couch, feeling absolutely exhausted.