Chapter 1
Mary was going to throw up. This was far from the way most people reacted to their best friends getting into relationships. Then again not everyone is in love with their best friend. And not everyone learned of their best mate slash crush's relationship by the two barging into the common room hand in hand beaming while the bloke shouts "I did it, Lads"
Mary was terrible at hiding her emotions. She’d often been called rude or insensitive growing up when in reality she just didn’t know how to hide how she truly felt. So she opted to simply smile and hug Lily. She hoped her sadness would go unnoticed, drowned out by everyone's celebration. But clearly, nothing would ever go her way because Sirius quickly noticed something was wrong and raised his eyebrows at her.
‘What’s with you?’ His eyebrows asked.
Mary pursed her lips slightly ‘Don’t worry about it.’
‘I'm already worried.’ Sirius knitted his eyebrows together.
Mary rolled her eyes. Sirius cocked his head slightly and lifted his eyebrows to say ‘Library in five minutes’
Mary and Sirius had been best friends since Mary had not quite whispered a comment about Sirius’s father's ‘weird face’ to her parents at platform 9 3/4 before their first year. At 11 — and honestly at 16, too — disliking his parents was Sirius’s only requirement for friends. He and Mary became friends quickly. In the time since their first year, the two had fought, made up, beat up rude kids, and created nonverbal language. The two had even dated. Granted it'd only been for a week until they had their first kiss and then concluded that they were far from heterosexual. If anyone —other than lily who was preoccupied— was going to notice Mary was upset it was Sirius.
Mary arrived at the corner of the library where the two went when they didn’t want to be disturbed. Sirius awaited Mary in a rolling chair which he spun around upon Mary's arrival, stroking an invisible cat like a villain in the muggle movies Mary made him watch. Once again, Mary regretted ever having watched a movie with him—he really never got sick of doing that.
“Step into my office, Ms Macdonald,” he greeted
“Sirius you can’t pretend to be a supervillain and a therapist,” Mary rolled her eyes. “It's a mixed metaphor”
“You’re a mixed metaphor,” Sirius pouted
Mary slapped the back of his head and sunk into a beanbag chair. Sirius, having decided he was done with his villainous therapist act, threw himself into Mary’s beanbag chair, wrapping an arm around her. “So, what seems to be troubling you?”
“Well,” Mary forced a smile “I seem to have fallen in love with my best friend. Who is also straight and in a relationship.”
“Well, that’s a heteronormative assumption.” Mary shoved Sirius onto the floor. She was not in the mood for jokes. “Okay, sorry,” He grumbled lifting his arms defensively as he climbed back onto the beanbag.
“Look, Mary, I know you. And I know you feel a lot. But you need to do good by Lily.” Sirius instructed “She’s your friend. You need to be there for her. I'm going to ask you to do the impossible and put your feelings aside. Can you do that? For lily.”
A tear rolled down Mary’s cheek. Sirius was right. She needed to be a friend no matter how much it hurt her. Mary nodded wiping the tears from her face. Lily and James were dating and she needed to be okay with it— for Lily.
Upon arriving at the dorms Mary squeezed Lily tightly. “Congrats, loser. I can’t believe you finally gave in,” she smiled. She couldn’t read lily’s expression as she responded.
“Yeah, I can’t believe it either.”
———————
The next morning Mary woke up to Lily sitting in her bed reading. Lily’s brows furrowed as she wrote into the margins of her booked. Mary loved seeing Lily like this: focused and at peace. Mary admired the Lily’s intelligence—the way she digested books analysing them and annotating them until the pages barely had a blank space. Mary could sit all day watching Lily unconsciously chewing her pen as she pondered her reading.
She took a deep breath. How the fuck was she going to get over her? “You’re awake,” Lily smiled, “Finally. Let’s go grab breakfast.”
“You waited for me,” Mary’s heart fluttered. “What about James?” She reminded herself that it didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t, not when Lily had a boyfriend.
“He’s got quidditch practice. Marlene’s there too.”
‘Right,’ Mary thought, ‘Lily wouldn’t have waited for her unless her boyfriend was busy’
At breakfast, a howler arrived for Lily. Mary watched as she lit up at the sound of James singing the only muggle song he knew— Barney’s ‘I love you’ theme.’ Lily giggled as he messed up the lyrics and sang completely out off beat. She turned a deep red smiling. “He’s mental,” She laughed, "I should go cheer him on at practice.”
Once Lily had left and he’d finished laughing with the lads, Sirius turned to Mary remembering the situation was not quite funny to her . He titled his head forwards, ‘You okay?’
Mary lifted her eyebrows ‘fucking peachy’.
“What's happening,” Peter asked confused
The corner of Mary’s mouth lifted as she looked at Peter and then back to Sirius, ‘Who let this boy speak?’
“Am I going crazy? You’re also not hearing anything are you, Remus”
Sirius’s eyes widened, ‘Stop being pissy and leave Pete alone.’
“Guys” Peter moaned
‘Okay whatever’, Mary rolled her eyes
“Let them be, Pete,” Remus said patting a pouting Peter on his shoulder
“It’s just poor table etiquette,” he grumbled folding his arms
“I’m deeply sorry Peter,” Mary said forcing a chipper voice “I was sick of talking to this prick anyways” Mary got up grabbing a piece of toast as she left the Great Hall.
“Mary,” Sirius groaned. “I actually needed to speak to you.”
“Talk after school,” Mary shouted over her shoulder
———————
Mary and Sirius met on their usual beanbag chair in the library. “What do you want?”
“Don't sound so happy to see me.”
“Hello Annoying bastard who I’ve seen almost every day for the past five years, I'm so excited to see you,” Mary said with a wide smile “Now what the fuck do you want?"
“This is a serious matter,” Sirius huffed.
“I know your name, whore,” Mary giggled
“Okay, that was a good one,” Sirius admitted as he offered Mary a fist bump "Now, can we focus on the issue?”
“We could if you would tell me what was going on”
“I hate Remus lupin,” Sirius announced.
Mary let an exasperated sigh as she questioned why she ever befriended the idiot next to her. “Remus Lupin the guy you’re constantly eye-fucking?”
“We don’t just use our eyes,” Sirius smirked as Mary punched his arm “Ow”
“Gross”
“Anyways, yes, that Remus.”
Mary wondered whether or not she even wanted to hear whatever ridiculous story Sirius had but she knew she wouldn’t hear the end of it until she listened to what he had to say.
“So, yesterday, Marlene suggested that she, Dorcas, Remus, and I go on a double date.” Mary couldn’t possibly fathom how this would be an issue but knowing Sirius the story was about to get unnecessarily dramatic. “So, Remus responded by saying he wouldn’t go on a double date until the two of us went on a real date”
“You guys have never been on a date?”
“No interrupting,” Sirus shushed, “So I said I wouldn’t go on a date until we were officially dating” Mary rolled her eyes. Trust Remus and Sirius to be consciously in love with each other, actively spending every waking moment together, without having established that they were in fact dating
“So, Remus said and I quote ‘Well then one of us better ask the other to be their boyfriend soon’ He was challenging me and No way was I going to back down”
‘Oh boy,’ Mary thought
“So I told him ‘Someone’ really should ask the other to be their boyfriend. And you know what he did?”
“Asked you out?”
“No,” Sirius shouted, “the bastard scoffed”
“What? No,” Mary deadpanned
“This isn’t funny. Do you know what this means?”
“I really don’t”
“He’s made it a competition. Whoever asks the other out loses and I am not a loser.”
“You two are crazy. Absolutely mental. Shouldn't Remus finally being your boyfriend make you the real winner or some shit?”
Sirius pondered this for a moment and ultimately couldn’t come up with a response.
“You’re hopeless git”
“You wouldn’t get it”
“That you’re right about,” Mary frowned “I am terribly unsuccessful in that department”
“I’m sorry, That was uncalled for— terrible timing,” Sirius apologised
“It’s okay,” Mary smiled weakly “Unrequited love is good for character development”
“I’m sorry,” Sirius repeated holding Mary’s face in his hands
“It’s okay. I’ll be okay”
———————
Mary wished she could hate James. Even though she was at peace with James and Lily’s relationship she hated the thought of someone else being a good match for lily, but he really was. James was a good boyfriend. He sent Lily embarrassingly cheesy love letters when he was swamped living on quidditch practices and made her coffee when she was in a bad mood. James was the perfect boyfriend and Mary wished she could hate him. But she couldn’t, not when he was so good to lily.
The two had been dating for nearly a month and a half. A month and a half filled with sappy romantic gestures and the two basically being inseparable. Mary couldn’t be anything but happy for them. She and Lily hadn’t spoken much about her relationship even though usually they spoke to each other about everything. Mary couldn’t bare to ask about them and lily never brought it up so Mary didn’t know much outside of what she had observed. And Lily seemed happy. Sometimes, when Mary really paid attention she swore there was something off about Lily’s happiness— something almost superficial. But she chalked it down to wishful thinking.
One night, Lily and Mary found themselves alone in the common room for the first time since James and Lily had been dating. Mary knew she could only avoid the topic for so long. She missed late night gossip sessions with lily, the two of them sharing secrets and jokes in hushed whispers. If she wanted that back she was going to have to address the elephant in the room. “How are things with James? I hardly see you two apart these days.”
“Things are good,” Lily said unconvincingly “I mean, he’s James. He’s perfect—a proper gentleman”
“I don’t wanna hear about how perfect he is. Tell me something juicy,” Mary teased, though it broke her heart. She needed to put on a brave face. It was the right thing to do.
“Well, he’s Jame’s bloody Potter: he’s beautiful and he’s fit as fuck I mean if you saw his abs,” Lily turned red as she continued “And he’s so kind. Merlin, he’s probably the loveliest guy there is.” Lily seemed as though she was talking around the point she was getting to and Mary couldn’t help but feel impatient.
“Let me guess,’ Mary interrupted, “He can’t snog.”
“No that’s the thing. He’s an incredible snogger and he’s bloody hot.”
“I feel like you’re building up to a ‘but',” Mary said, praying she was right
“But, something feels wrong and I, fuck,” Mary’s heart broke as she watchedLily tear up. Even then, she couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Lily was. It’d been a while since they sat just the two of them. Mary felt a wave of guilt rush over her. Her best friend was crying and she was thinking about how in love she was.
“And I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Lily continued “I mean if I can be happy with the perfect guy then will I ever be happy” Mary reached out, wiping a tear off lily’s cheek and leaving her hand cupping it. She kept it there, stroking Lily’s cheek with her thumb. “I know it seems dumb. I mean he’s bloody perfect so many girls would kill to be with him but I can’t help but feel like something like I-“
Mary felt a Burning feeling bubbling in her stomach. How could Lily, in all her beauty, think there was anything wrong with her. Without thinking, or perhaps with a bit of illogical thinking, Lily crashed their lips together. She was kissing Lily and for a second Lily was kissing her back and everything was perfect. Then, she pulled away. Mary and Lily stared at each other for a second. Neither of them speaking
“I-,” Mary didn’t know what to say. She was way out of line. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.” Mary stood up and rushed to the dorm going straight to her bed. She had fucked up. Everything was ruined. How had she ever thought that would be okay? She’d already fallen asleep on her tear-soaked pillow waiting for Lily to come back to the dorms.