Rain storms and love
Sirius frantically followed the path around the gardens looking for Remus; he had been to two of the three fountains and found nothing. It had started to rain and Sirius was about to give up, but Minnie was right, because as he came upon the third fountain, there, pacing up and down, was Remus Lupin.
Sirius took a deep breath and just took in the view for a moment.
The rain only fell lightly as the light of the fountain danced over Remus’ face, highlighting his features one by one in a breathtaking nature.
Almost as if he was drawn to him, slowly Sirius took a step forward, “Hi Moony,” he said breathlessly.
Remus looked up from the water in front of him to find Sirius standing there, Remus was mad at Sirius for putting themselves in harms way, and confused about why he felt like that, and hurt from Snape’s words, and he didn’t know how to say any of it.
So instead he did the stupidest thing he could to, he began to yell at the very person who had protected him.
“Sirius, why the hell would you do that? "Remus shouted.
“I just wanted to protect you”, Sirius said quietly, there was a hint of anguish in their voice, but Remus for the life of him couldn’t figure out why.
“But WHY!? Why do you need to protect me Sirius, you could’ve gotten hurt. Badly. What? For me?” Up until that moment Remus had been shouting, but now his voice broke with pining and confusion, as the rain began to fall heavier.
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
Remus took a breath to say something more, but Sirius flinched. Years of shouting followed by pain had conditioned this response.
Remus, horrified with himself, took a step back.
Sirius looked up at him regretfully but they both knew it was just instinct….. that didn’t make it less painful for both of them.
Remus let out a long breath and said softly, “I'm so sorry I shouted.” Sirius shook his head, “It’s not your fault, it’s just fight or flight, you know.”
Remus took a step closer to Sirius, “Have I ever told you how much I hate your birth parents.” Sirius chuckled weakly, “I’m still so sorry though, I hate that I get like this when people are mad at me-“
Remus interrupted him abruptly “I’m not mad at you, how could I be?”
Sirius looked bewildered.
“You were defending me, I’m definitely not mad, I’m just confused. why would you put yourself in harm's way?”
Sirius stayed silent and Remus was at a loss, he didn’t know what to do.
The rain began to pour and beat off the pathway and the fountain, but it still didn’t fill the cavernous silence between them.
“For God’s sake Padfoot please just say something, anything, I don't care what!”
Remus’ voice broke as he tried to finish his sentence.
“Just talk to me.”
“I- I can’t,” Sirius barely even whispered, the confident walls all broken down.
Remus didn’t understand, they always talked about things, how could this be any different ?
“Ugh God I can’t talk to you about this Remus!” Sirius exclaimed, not attempting to hide the anguish in their voice.
Remus’ voice began to rise again as he asked “Why?”
Sirius looked right up at Remus, Remus who had so much concern in his eyes, Remus who was worried about him, Remus who wanted him to be safe….. and they couldn’t deny it any more.
“Why?” Sirius exclaimed, arms thrown wildly into the air, “God, because I’m fucking in love with you Remus Lupin!” they said chest heaving.
“Ok! I’m in love with you…. So no, I can’t talk to you about this, because it’s about you!”
Sirius took a step closer to Remus and said it as if it were a secret they only wanted the two of them to know, “It’s about you. It’s you, it’s always been you, I am completely undone by you.”
Sirius was too scared to see Remus’ reaction so instead they turned away.
“It’s you, I love you!” They said, trying to explain themselves, “I’m in love with you, I want to spend every moment with you and it’s amazing and terrifying and I don’t know anything except that this is the biggest secret I have ever kept and it has been eating me alive,” Sirius spurted in a rush.
Remus felt as if he was frozen to the spot, this had to be a joke, Sirius didn’t actually love him, that was impossible…. but as Sirius continued on their spiel it finally began to register.
‘Oh,’ Remus thought.
Oh.
Remus took a step closer to Sirius, he tried to say something but Sirius started first.
“I love your handwriting, and the way the sunlight shines on you as you read and it makes your eyes look impossibly green and you look like a Greek God.”
Remus opened his mouth but once again Sirius beat him to it, “I love you Moony, all of you, everything about you I love it.”
“Sirius.” He tried to interrupt, taking another step towards Sirius.
“But you might not love me back, and that’s ok !” Sirius groaned into his hand, ‘How have I managed to screw this up so much,’ they thought.
“Remus, you are one of my best friends, but you’re also the love of my life!”
“Sirius” Remus tried interrupting but they just continued.
“And I don't want to ruin this friendship with feelings but you’re just…. you. And I can’t not tell you how I feel.”
“Sirius” Remus said, exasperated, taking a final step so he was close enough to reach out and grab Sirius’ hands.
Sirius had such a startled look on his face that Remus couldn’t help but laugh. Of all the ways he had imagined telling Sirius how he felt, going back and forth over the many scenarios in his mind, this definitely wasn’t one of them.
“Sirius, just stop, ok,” he said, letting out a long, quiet breath to prepare himself.
“Sirius Orion Black, I am completely and irrevocably in love with you”
Sirius just gaped at him. Their brain couldn’t form any words to describe how they were feeling right now.
Remus couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of Sirius standing in the rain, mouth agape and a look of shock on their face.
He clasped Sirius’ hand a bit tighter and took another step closer to him….. now they were less than a couple of inches from each other.
He took a deep breath before saying the words that had been running around in his mind since the day Sirius had come to take care of him when he was sick.
“Sirius Black, I am so in love with you it’s quite frankly terrifying, I thought I would never be deserving of love but then you came into my life and completely changed everything”.
Sirius’ mind was finally beginning to regain the ability to form words.
“You love me too?”
Sirius had imagined this moment but never had he truly believed in the possibility that Remus could love back, it was terrifying and exhilarating all at once, the feeling of Remus’ hand clasped in his sent sparks flying through him, he was aware of his entire body and felt like he was on fire, if being on fire was a good thing.
Remus tried to laugh, but the nervousness he was feeling managed to seep through, resulting in more of a weak, shakey chuckle.
“I’m actually pretty in love with you, and it turns out I am entirely undone by you too.” Remus whispered.
The corners of Sirius’ lips twitched upwards into a tender smile, they squeezed Remus’ hand as they moved closer to him.
The closer they got to each other the more the world around them crumbled away, in the entire universe it felt as if the only things in existence were Remus and Sirius.
They were now only inches away from each others’ face, they were so close Remus could feel Sirius’ breath on his face, and smell that scent that was so uniquely Sirius it made his heart race.
Sirius was looking up at Remus with ‘that’ look in his eyes, the look that made Remus feel weak and strong at the same time, it gave him butterflies and made him forget everything but Sirius.
If Remus was honest it felt like Sirius was the very essence of the sun, of happiness, of everything good in Remus’ life. But even the sun would be envious of the way Sirius Black shone, his smile didn’t just light up a room, it lit up the entire universe.
All Remus could focus on was Sirius, Sirius’ hair, Sirius’ smile, the eyeliner outlining his grey eyes….. Eyes that were looking at Remus like he was the only thing in the world that mattered, which Remus knew he was mirroring in his own expression.
At this very moment in time Sirius was the only thing that mattered to mattered to Remus, and Remus was everything to Sirius.
“Sirius,” Remus tried to say confidently, but it came out as more of a shaky whisper.
“Yes,” they said back, smirking, with all the confidence that Remus had attempted coming completely naturally.
“I would really like to kiss you now,”
Sirius’ eyes widened, at first he looked surprised but then a knowing smile spread across their face, “I think that could be arranged,” they said, impossibly quiet, as they moved even closer to Remus.
Sirius let go of Remus’ hand and placed his hand on either side of Remus’ face, they both smiled softly as Sirius stood up on their tiptoes to reach Remus’ lips.
Sirius was now so close Remus could feel the brush of their eyelashes on his skin. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” Sirius whispered, lips only a moment away from Remus’.
Remus just shook his head, not trusting himself to say anything.
Sirius grinned, “I mean where to start, your hair, your eyes, your freckles your-“
Remus interrupted him with a kiss.
“Yep, ok, no more talking.” Sirius laughed breathily, and leaned into Remus once more.
Remus’ heart rate increased, and he tightened his grasp around Sirius’ waist, Sirius responded by deepening the kiss and tangling his fingers in Remus’ curls.
Time in their world stopped, the rain froze in position, the fountain stopped flowing, the breeze that had been rustling the leaves ceased.
The entire world was silent, as if all of nature was laying witness to the moment where two broken souls became one, a moment that was rare and beautiful, just like the souls before them.
Sirius took a step back to get some air, and to take in every detail of this moment, to commit it to memory so it could never be forgotten.
Without saying a word Remus knew what they were thinking and beamed at the person standing before him.
‘God, they are so beautiful’, was what they were both thinking.
Things were starting to make sense to Remus, he had never felt so comfortable or protected as he did right now, just existing with Sirius. Maybe Sirius was right, maybe soulmates did exist?
Remus, ready to go to his philosophical mind palace, was quickly interrupted by Sirius Black’s arms winding around him, and their fingers began to make small circles around the hair at the nape of his neck.
Remus’ hands once again tightened around Sirius’ waist and Sirius began to think that, just maybe, he was going to be ok, they were both going to be ok.
Remus made him not so scared to love, because they knew they could love each other in the big passionate moments, and the small quiet moments when all they were doing was sitting in each other’s company, blissfully happy.
Sirius leaned forward to press his forehead against Remus’, “I’ve been thinking about this moment for a very long time, but I didn’t actually believe it could happen until now,” they whispered into the gap between their lips.
Remus smiled, “I’ve been feeling the exact same way, I didn’t really realise it until that time when you came to take care of me when I had a migraine -“
But Remus was cut off by Sirius pulling back, “Are you telling me you have liked me since then and you didn’t say anything!!”
A guilty look spread across Remus’ face, “I didn’t think you felt the same way, and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, so I just kept quiet about it.”
Sirius laughed and shook his head, “A whole lot of mutual pining could have been avoided if we both just wised up.”
“Yeah but then there’s no angst, so it wouldn’t even be a good story,” Remus replied.
Sirius hummed in agreement,” You’re right.”
Remus shrugged, “Aren’t I always.”
Sirius laughed and pulled Remus back in to kiss him once again.
Sirius’ hands began to wander along Remus’ back, as he licked across Remus’ lower lip and Remus, caught unawares, giggled.
Sirius pulled back, and in mocking indignation said, “Are my kissing skills so very bad that you consider them laughable?!”
Remus, still laughing, pulled Sirius back into his chest by their waist. Sirius was caught by surprise and inhaled sharply….
It was Remus’ turn to smirk.
“I would never bruise your ego like that Sirius,”
For his constant denial of the fact, Sirius couldn’t help but think Remus was much more flirtatious than he gave himself credit for.
Remus arched a suggestive eyebrow as he added, “There’s things you can do with your mouth that I’m sure are far from laughable.”
Sirius had never felt so flustered in his life, he knew he was blushing like an idiot but Remus Lupin was flirting with him, how could he not blush.
“Mhmm ok just shut up and kiss me again,” Sirius said quickly and pulled Remus’ face back to his own.
Remus responded enthusiastically, as one does, soon they were a mix of emotions, heavy breaths and grasping hands, well more accurately slipping hands as they had been outside in the rain for a while now and they were both very much drenched in rain water.
Neither seemed to notice or mind, both were entirely focused on the other.
Once again Remus, much to his own dismay, had to pull away to catch his breath. Sirius looked up at him, and cupped Remus’ face in his hands, “You really are the most beautiful person I have ever met Remus,” they said breathlessly, still in disbelief that this was happening.
Unsure how to respond, Remus was starting to realize that he now had the ability to shut Sirius up whenever he wanted just by kissing them.
This seemed like a good idea until Sirius started to move to Remus’ neck, placing delicate kisses along his collar bone.
Remus didn’t want to be arrested for public indecency and so instead he distracted Sirius by once again capturing their lips with his own.
Sirius slowly released himself from Remus’ lips, he was wearing a shit eating grin that Remus knew was going to be followed by either a dirty joke or horrible pun, or both.
Sirius smirked as he said, “Well that was pretty gay wasn’t it ?” Remus narrowed his eyes, but was trying to suppress a giggle.
“We have a bloody dramatic love confession in the rain, your literal dream, and all you can think to say is ‘That was pretty gay’,” he exclaimed.
“What have I gotten myself into,” Remus said, pretending to roll his eyes. Sirius just laughed, “Oh please, you love me.”
Remus’ gaze softened, “I do, I really do.”
Just then the rain began to pour even heavier, beating against their skin.
“We should probably go inside,” Remus said. “Not yet!” Sirius whined, “Remus Lupin in wet clothes is one of my many dreams,” they said with a lewd wink.
Remus rolled his eyes as he grabbed Sirius’ hand, “Well from now on you can see that whenever you want, but I’m freezing my ass off right now!”
Sirius started walking back towards the building but continued to face Remus, “Ok we can go inside, but only because I love your ass and I don’t want it to freeze off.”
Once again Remus rolled his eyes, but he suppressed a laugh as he said, “You’re lucky you're cute, because your pickup lines are still lacking.”
Sirius grinned, “And yet they eventually worked on you.”
Remus couldn’t deny that, he has fallen for Sirius, despite the worst pick up lines and jokes he had ever witnessed.
They continued walking, until Sirius stopped in the middle of the path, “Just so I get my wording right, when I call Effie later do I tell her I have a boyfriend?”
Remus laughed, “Is that you’re ‘not so’ subtle way of asking if this means we’re dating.”
Sorius narrowed their eyes, “You know me too well, I’ve never dated someone who knows my eccentric ways, I’m not sure how to feel.”
Remus decided to take a moment, and mess with Sirius, “So you’ve gone from asking if we’re dating to telling me that we’re dating?”
Sirius shrugged, “I’m very demanding, you better get used to it.”
Remus took a step closer, “What kind of demands would that involve Sirius,” he said, insinuating a myriad of things.
Sirius tried to laugh but it came out as more of a nervous giggle, “See you can’t say things like that without warning, otherwise I may very well faint, and I hate the A and E waiting room.”
They continued to walk back to the building, and the last couple of metres they began to run as the heavens completely opened.
Soaked from the rain and slightly dishevelled from their…. activities Remus couldn’t help but think they both looked like an absolute state.
Remus turned to Sirius as they stood in the doorway, about to go back into the ballroom, “Do you want to tell people, our friends I mean…. We don’t have to, I’m just wondering because you know you might not want to or maybe you-“
Sirius cut him off by taking Remus’ hand in his own, “Remus, if you think I wouldn’t want to tell everyone in every room we ever enter that the love of my life is the incredible man by my side then you are insane.”
Remus squeezed Sirius’ hand, “Thank you,” he whispered.
Sirius stepped forward to go through the door when Remus pulled him back, crushing their lips together.
Remus grinned as they seperated and said, “I just wanted to do that one more time, for luck and whatever.”
Sirius groaned, “Remus Lupin you are going to be the absolute death of me.”
“But you love me,” Remus said.
“I really do love you,” Sirius assured him.