Pining and anticipation
The limo had just arrived as Remus and Sirius stepped out of the building.
Accompanied by mutters of excitement and anticipation of the forthcoming evening everyone began to pile into the limo.
Remus was the last to get in, and ended up squeezed between Sirius and the door, although he couldn’t lie, there were many worse places to be.
“I’ve never felt so rich before,” Marlene stated as she popped open the bottle of complimentary champagne and started pouring into glasses for everyone, she nudged Sirius and gave him a wry grin, “Is this what you feel like all the time?”
Sirius grinned, “Only if you add people constantly trying to get you to pay off their student loans,” he said while nudging Remus.
Remus removed himself from the conversation he had been having with Regulus about chess strategies (which Sirius actually found really hot) to join the conversation.
He shrugged and said, “I’m not going to miss out on a good opportunity to have my bills paid for me, I might as well ask!!”
Sirius laughed and said, “I’ve been claimed as a sugar daddy and I'm not sure how to feel about it. Remus rolled his eyes and laughed, before turning back to Regulus, but Marlene could see the blush that crept into his face…
Soon they arrived at the university hall, which was one of the oldest buildings on campus, having once been a part of the manor house the university originated from.
They all clambered out of the car, slightly less sober than they entered it, and thanked the driver before heading to the entrance.
They all waited outside for Emmeline and Alex to meet them before going inside. As Regulus bounced on his heels in excitement entwined with nervousness Sirius leaned over to Remus to whisper in his ear.
“I really think this boy is good for Reggie, I’m happy to see him happy, and I’m proud of him.” Remus swayed slightly and nudged against Sirius, “He is happy, he tells me every time we talk how grateful he is to have you in his life again.”
Sirius ducked his head to hide the embarrassed grin on his face and nudged Remus back, “Thank you for telling me Remus.”
Remus just shrugged, “Of course Sirius.”
At that point of the conversation Emmeline and Alex arrived, postponing further, not so well disguised, flirting.
Everyone began to head inside but Regulus hung back, telling Alex to go ahead. He made his way to Remus and gestured for them to stay back, Sirius gave them an inquisitive look but went on inside when Regulus waved a hand, telling them they would be in in a minute.
Regulus turned around and looked Remus dead in the eye, “You have my permission to date my big brother, just don’t break his heart or anything because they will never stop talking about it.”
He paused for a second before continuing, “Besides I quite like you, I wouldn’t want to have to beat you up or anything, I’m not really sure how this threatening thing is supposed to happen.”
Remus looked completely flabbergasted, he was at a loss for words, if his crush on Sirius was so obvious Regulus noticed, had Sirius?!!?!
Regulus gave Remus a knowing look before walking in through the main doors, he had set the evening into motion and the wry grin that spread across his face proved that he knew it.
A minute later Remus followed Regulus up the steps and into the building, hoping to find some form of alcohol quickly to distract him from the battle of thoughts beginning to take place in his mind.
The large entrance opened up an even larger staircase that swept down the left hand side of the ballroom, creating a dramatic entrance for everyone who made their way into the ballroom.
Remus hurried down the stairs and grabbed the first glass of champagne on a tray one of the waiters were bringing around, he downed it in one, grimacing at the bubbles catching in his throat, and placed the glass down on a table.
He made his way over to his table and smiled distractedly before sitting down beside Lily. Lily leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Are you ok?”
Remus just nodded and whispered back, “I’ll tell you later.”
The chatter at the table could only do so much to dampen Sirius’ thoughts. He had ended up across the table from Remus, but he thought if he had to sit beside Remus while he looked that good Sirius might get down on one knee here and now.
They tried their best to join in with Mary and Marlene’s discussion about….. makeup….. murder? Something with an ‘m’ anyway.
Evidently he has stopped trying some time ago and was instead throwing quick glances across the table to where Remus was talking enthusiastically about something with James.
The food had come and gone and Remus still hadn’t looked at Sirius since Regulus had talked to him, he was so embarrassed that Sirius could know he liked him and had just never said anything about it, if he was quite honest it was crushing.
As the music began to get louder the group made its way in dribs and drabs onto the dance floor. Remus hated dancing in public so instead he watched from the side, everyone tried to get him to come and dance but he just laughed and shrugged them off.
But as embarrassed as he was Remus had this affliction where he couldn’t say no to Sirius, so when Sirius’ favourite song came on, and he practically begged Remus to come and dance…. how could Remus say no.
Sirius took this as an invitation to grab Remus’ hand and pull him over to their group on the dance floor.
However when they got to the group Remus didn’t let go…. he waited for Sirius to let go of his hand, but he didn’t, he just began dancing and singing, swaying to the music, all while Remus’ hand was clasped in his.
All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation, my hands are shaking from holding back from you.
The lyrics of the song they were all dancing to began to resonate with Remus a little bit too much, he truly felt his hands shaking as Sirius held them.
I don't want you like a best friend.
‘Well shit’, Remus thought, this really was too relatable.
Remus tried to ignore everything and just dance and sing with his friends…. until the bridge of the song.
Say my name and everything stops…..
In that beat of silence in the song Remus could swear he heard his name, he didn’t know if it came from his imagination or Sirius’ mouth, but it was all terrifying so he pretended to need the bathroom and let go of Sirius’ hand.
Everytime Sirius has listened to this song since meeting Remus he had said his name, it started as an inside joke between him and James, making fun of himself for his crush…… but it had become reflex.
Including when he was literally holding Remus’ hand.
The second they said it they panicked and looked over at Remus, who looked so anxious he could be sick, and Remus quickly dropped Sirius’ hand and started to walk away.
Sirius could feel tears stinging his eyes at the rejection, he knew there was such a high chance Remus didn’t love him back, but this subtle form of confirmation was gut wrenching.
As Remus stood in front of the sink anxiety was coursing through his veins.
He hadn’t let anyone touch him like that in a long time, not romantically, hand holding was a right reserved for not many people in Remus’ life.
The feeling of his scars so rough and raised against a palm as smooth and perfect as Sirius’ was maddening and perfection all in one confusing ball of wanting.
He felt alive at a tiny point of contact and yet he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all a lie, Sirius could never like him, not in that way.
He splashed some water in his face, still unsure of how he felt about everything, but he decided it would seem less obvious how he felt if he went back out to everyone.
He walked out of the bathroom and saw Lily sitting at the table while everyone else was still on the dance floor…… and she looked like she had seen a ghost.
He quickly hurried over to her, “Lils are you ok? What happened?”
She tried to form a sentence but her words came out in a jumble, “Saw him…. he’s here….. don’t know how…”
Lily’s breaths began to get faster and more irregular, the first signs she was having a panic attack. The anxiety was gripping her chest and trying to pull her under the ice cold water she had just been plunged into.
Remus began to fade out of Lily’s view and hearing, she could only hear muffled sounds over the sound of her own rapidly beating heart roaring in her ears.
But enough years of therapy had taught her some things, she held onto Remus’ arm to stabilise herself, and she tried to slow her breathing, which really is easier said than done.
Some visualisation techniques had stuck with her, as she tried to take a deep breath in she imagined the breath with an aura of green and blue, a calming breath that filled her body, and then she shakily exhaled the breath with a red and black aura, representing the anxiety attempting to consume her body.
Two minutes later she felt able to form a sentence.
She took a gulp and looked wide eyed at Remus, tears still stinging her eyes as she confronted the situation.
“Snape is here,” she said in one breath.
The look of pure rage that overtook Remus’ face made her happy to have such a protective friend.
“It was a shock when I first saw him, it was just as you came over to me, but I’m ok, I’m not going to let that prick ruin my night.” Lily said sternly.
Remus replied with an air of concern in his tone, “Lils you know you don’t have to stay if it’s too much, no one would blame you.”
“I know,” Lily said in a comforting tone, “But I want to enjoy my night with my boyfriend and my friends and not let some evil guy from my past ruin that.”
Remus nodded in understanding, “Are you sure I can’t punch him if I see him?” he asked, only half joking.
Lily chuckled, “Probably best not to, don’t want you getting punishment from the uni in any way.”
Remus couldn’t argue with her logic….. but he really wanted to punch Snape.
“Well to take your mind off things do you want to hear about Sirius held my hand for about a minute and I had a full freak out?”
Lily laughed, “Oh please Remus we all saw you guys holding hands, it was extraordinarily cute.”
Lily interrupted her own laughter with a gasp, “Wait, does this mean I have to go all protective sister mode and threaten Sirius.”
It was Remus’ turn to laugh, “Lils if Sirius and I were together don’t you think you would know about it!!”
“True,” she replied with a shrug.
“He’s so pretty Lilyyyy,” Remus whined. Lily patted him on the shoulder as he planted his face on the table.
“Still whining about boys Lupin,” came a spiteful voice from behind them.
Lily and Remus both whipped around to see Severus Snape, hair as greasy as ever and a slimy smug grin to match it.
“Lily, you really need better friends,” he said, casting Remus a dirty look.
All the pent up rage within Lily began to bubble up in the presence of this monster, “Severus I thought I told your homophobic ass to stay the fuck away from me and my friends.”
Sirius and James had both noticed some commotion coming from the table where Lily and Remus were sitting and had started to make their way over.
“Please Evans you don’t really want ‘these’ people as friends,” he said, spitting out the words as if it pained him to even acknowledge Remus’ existence.
Lily had gotten out of her seat and was now facing Snape, “You don’t ever get to talk about my friends like that, you have absolutely no right, do you hear me?”
And still he just wore a smug expression on his face, “Lily we both know you dating Alice was just the influence of your chosen company, you’re not really like ‘that’.”
The fury was radiating from Lily but she spoke with such a level of direct authority it was mesmerising, “Severus, I have gotten over the fear of the hell that you condemned me and anyone like me to for all those years, I’m not scared of you or anything you have to say.”
It looked as if Snape was about to lunge for Lily and Remus stood up quickly, standing directly in front of her.
Remus had always thought his height had made him stand out too much, but in this moment as he was able to tower over Snape he was grateful for it.
“You homophobic piece of shit, stay out of Lily’s life and stay out of mine.” he shouted.
At this stage James and Sirius were at the table, James was holding Lily’s hand and Sirius placed a hand on Remus’ arm for support.
Snape's eyes practically burned through the Sirius’ hand resting on Remus’ arm, “Still a fucking queer Remus, it’s so disgusting, no one wants to see that.”
Remus was about to retort when he heard a sickening crunch as Sirius landed a punch right to Snape’s nose.
“Don’t you fucking talk to him like that,” Sirius growled.
By now the commotion had attracted the attention of many people around them.
Snape stood up and glared at Sirius, “Still can’t throw a punch can we Black? Still the weak gay boy from school everyone hates.”
Before Sirius could retaliate this time James had thrown a punch and knocked Snape flat on his ass.
The fight had caught the attention of some of the teachers who were now running over to break up the fight.
Having seen everything, and knowing the students from her previous job, Minerva McGonagall was aware of the situation.
She made her way swiftly over to the table, “One more punch from any of you and I will make sure you won’t be able to graduate for the next five years.”
Sirius tried to protest but Remus placed a hand on their shoulder, “Don’t worry,” he whispered, “She knows what she’s doing.”
“Mr Snape, your obvious targeted attack of queer students will not stand, pending approval from the rest of the faculty, you will be removed from this university without a degree or credentials to your name. Which I can assure you the rest of the faculty will all agree to swiftly.”
Snape tried to protest but Minerva held up a silencing hand, “There is no arguing Snape, it is decided, hate crimes do not go unnoticed. And seeing as this is a crime the police have been called and will be here to detain you in a short time.”
The look of horror on Snape’s face combined with the smug grins on Sirius, James, Remus and Lily’s faces was comical.
Minerva turned to the group, “Retaliation is never the best way to solve conflict, however I understand in this case it was merely self defence.”
And Remus couldn’t swore she winked at them.
Just then the police entered the ballroom, making their way over to Snape, in a last ditch attempt to cause more chaos Snape lunged for Remus, but Sirius’ quick reflexes stood him in between Snape and Remus at the time of the attack.
The result was a hard punch to Sirius’ stomach, knocking all the wind out of him.
Minerva insisted he go to the campus doctor but Sirius just shook his head, “I’m fine, really it’s nothing.”
Minerva groaned and shook her head, she had forgotten how stubborn Sirius Black could be.
“Will you at least go outside for some fresh air,” she insisted.
Sirius agreed and turned around to ask Remus if he would come with him…. but Remus was gone.
Before going to deal with the police Minerva quietly whispered to Sirius, “He’s already gone outside, he likes running water, it calms him, I would check the fountains.”
Sirius was so desperate to find Remus he didn’t even process how Minerva knew all of this……
She sighed quietly as the student she considered her child went to seek out her godchild, she knew they were in love, maybe now they wouldn’t be as blind to the fact.