Romantic Homocide

Sirius took a large step backwards with his head turned, searching the crowd. Remus didn’t know what he was looking for until their eyes locked. Oh. 

Feeling his feet begin to walk before his mind caught up, Remus already standing in front of him. They had met in the middle. “Cool meeting.” 

Cool meeting? God did you completely miss the part where his possible murderous brother is taking over the building?

“Thanks.” A wide and bright smile took over Sirius’ face. “Thought I did a good job.” 

“You did.” Remus assured. He wanted to say more, but found he was at a loss. 

Amazing meeting. He held back.

Sirius’ smile shrank for a moment then wiped away all together. “I just got told… it was ruled a suicide.”

“What?” He wasn’t following until recognized the police officer from that night behind him. The cars still parked up front. “Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Sirius gave a forced laugh. 

It was a harsh thing to admit, but Remus was almost saddened by the news. “I guess we jumped to conclusions.” 

His gray eyes sank before muttering. “Yeah… I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” Was the last that was said between them, as Sirius then found his friends, and Remus made way for the elevators. 

11:39 P.M. 

Sirius stared at his drink intently. Studying the glass, the light, the hue of dark orange. He watched it wishing for whatever scotch he’d chosen to take its effects already. Waiting in the dark bar.

“You know to drink, you actually have to put it in your mouth right?” The bartender leaned against the counter from the other side, poking fun at him.

Looking up to frown at him, Sirius responded. “Since when did you get so chatty?”

“Since staying quiet doesn’t tip well.” He amused himself. 

“You’re not getting a tip out of me.” 

He rolled his eyes and began to pour a drink for someone at the end of the bar. “Shame.”

Sirius sighed as he downed the rest of his drink. He didn’t really care to be drunk, he just wanted to be okay.

“Another?” The bartender asked. 

Pursing his lips, he felt the sting of alcohol on his tongue, threatening to burn his scabs. “Yeah.” 

“Can I ask what’s got you so blue on a Monday?” 

He drank the new shot and grimmanced, not feeling okay “My parents I think?”

“Okay. What’d they do?”

“Kill themselves… possibly. It’s the ‘possibly’ part that’s tripping me up.” Sirius tapped the glass for more. 

“Right.” He registered it slowly. “Not the dead part?”

“No! They were old bastards who had it coming.” Sirius tapped the glass. 

The bartender poured. “Right.” 

“It’s just… they were so stupid! How is me… putting on eyeliner gonna hurt anyone?” His words began to slur. 

He shrugged. “Do you want to put on eyeliner?”

“No.” Sirius said definitively. “Maybe.” 

“How I love a man who knows what he wants.” The bartender laughed to himself. Chuckling under his breath.

“I just want them to know they were wrong!” He tapped the glass faster. “What about you? Haven’t you ever wanted someone to not just be wrong, but know it too?”

Pouring the scotch, he raised his eyebrows in thought. “Sure. Yeah, I guess.”

“What’s your name?” Sirius swallowed another shot, feeling his head start to swirl.

The bartender poured again. “Peter. And yours?”

“Sirius.” 

“Yes, I’m serious. Peter like Peter Pan.”

Taking down another, Sirius waved his hands in explanation. “No, my name is Sirius. Like the star.” 

“What a shitty name.” His eyebrows raised even higher

Sirius narrowed his eyes. “Negative tip now.”

Peter poured again. “Do you always use money to leverage people?”

“No. Are you always such an ass?” 

“When I try.”

“Lovely. Pour some more.” 

And he did. Peter poured the scotch till he’d smelled like his father. With the man from the end of the bar now hovering near him lulling him with sweet words. 

It wasn't long until Sirius was on his lap, holding the other’s head in place as his mouth was being completely devoured.

“What’s with the lips?” He asked lowly into their space. 

Sirius crouched down and nipped his neck instead of answering. 

Soon they were rushing through the lobby of Grimmauld. Like a trophy he’d won. Because Sirius could now drag any boy he wanted through those grand gold doors. No fear. No hesitance. Clinging to each other in the elevator, watching the cameras. Knowing they could never hurt him again. 

The other kissed him behind his ear, murmuring. “What floor?”

“Twenty-six.” 

Sirius watched as he accidently pressed twenty-seven. Biting his lip hard, as the man sucked from his neck collar bone. Desperately trying not to think of Remus. Almost immediately getting flashbacks to that Saturday. When he couldn’t help but watch Remus. Shamefully wishing he would stay. 

It was best not to dwell. The memory was mudded anyway. 

Being pushed onto his mattress, Sirius’ mind was finally able to venture elsewhere. The man held him firmly in place. Kissing him everywhere. Removing all their clothes. Dark eyes and red cheeks. 

He was deep inside of Sirius, pounding with all of his body. Skin slapping and loud moans. “C’mon daddy.” He gushed in a high-pitched voice. Almost baby-like. 

The image had cracked and Sirius’ body stilled as he struggled not to gag. Covering his mouth, he yelped. “Get off of me.”

The other man didn’t stop his movements. The bedframe still creaking. “What?” 

“Get off. Get off me.” Sirius pushed him off from under him. Immediately curling into a ball as he body cringed. Head spinning.

“The fuck?” The other reached out to graze his shoulder. 

Burning like a fire, Sirius violently flinched at the touch. “Oh my god. Don’t do that.” 

“Are you okay?” His tone was confused. 

Sirius nodded against his sheets, feeling it wrinkle beneath him. “I’m fine… I just- I think you should go.” 

“Are you serious?” 

“Don’t make that joke right now.” 

“What joke?”

“Right.” Sirius squeezed his eyes shut, grasping at his bedding. “Please just leave.”

After long moments of pulling on his pants, and hushed curses, the man left. When Sirius heard the door shut, he blindly reached for a bag of any kind, but it was too late. He threw up all over the floor. 

10:14 A.M. 

Remus tossed in his bed, mentally scolding himself for not closing his curtains the night before. He went to hide under his pillow only to find a severely crumpled paper-back copy of the book he was reading, The Cold People. 

“Shit.” He muttered observing the damage. 

It wasn’t as if this was unusual. All of his books ended up tormented sooner or later. Especially his favorites. 

Placing the book on his nightstand, Remus slowly stood to close his curtains. Returning the room to a normal amount of light for the morning. Which was none. 

Hours later and cups of coffee fizzing his pulse, he leaned his head from side to side. Contemplating what to do. With the investigation over, Remus was so overwhelmingly empty.

Nothing to do. 

Remus has tried to fill his day with meaningful tasks, like writing, or reading, but they never stick. 

Waiting for Lily to text him back, Remus sits on a bench in central park. With a thick jumper and black headphones. If his height and resting bitter frown didn’t make him unapproachable, he wished for the headphones to do the rest. 

Fortunably, someone did. “Remus?”

He pretended not to hear, lifting a side off his ear. Looking up to find… him. “Hi.”

“Hey, what are you up to?” Sirius smiled easily. But Remus didn’t miss the sunglasses and overall weakness to his stance. 

Remus bent the page that he was on, before closing it and raising it between him and Sirius.

“Obviously the author reads.” He went to sit next him on the bench. Reaching to put his hair into a ponytail.

Trying not to stare at his bare neck, Remus eyed the leaves falling down. “Do you read?”

Sirius leaned back and brought his arm to rest behind Remus. “Yeah, I read.” His voice light, almost breaking into a laugh. “I read your book.” 

“Which is still very strange.”

“How is it strange?” He mocked his accent.

Turning to face, Remus was going to chastise him only to freeze when he noticed the purple and blue spotting on his neck. “I don’t know. It’s so personal… it’s like you know everything about me and we’re not even friends yet.”

“Yet?” Sirius lowered his sunglasses. 

“Do you wanna be my friend?” He asked with a smirk. Knowing damn well he wanted to be more. More. 

Sirius removed the glasses altogether and bit his lip. “If that’s what you’ll give me.” He stated simply.

“If that’s what you’ll give me? What are we sinking in the Titanic? What type of posh shit is that?” Remus laughed, poking his tongue at him. 

His smile relaxed. “Shut up.”

Remus smiled back as he nodded to the other’s neck. “So you had fun last night?” 

“Oh that?” Sirius subconsciously grazed the bruising. “That was nothing.” 

“Prewett?” 

“No it- How do you know about Prewett?” He blinked. 

Remus pushed his lips into a thin line. “James.” 

“Of course.” Sirius dramatically sighed. “There is nothing that man won’t say… but no it wasn't him.”

“Well you did your eyeliner nice.” 

“Don’t make me regret this whole ‘friends’ thing.” 

“I’m already regretting it.” 

The two of them continued talking. Eventually getting up, standing and walking aimlessly through the park. Sirius now zipping up his jacket and stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

“Do you have anything after this?” He asked, watching closely. 

Remus shook his head. “No, no I don't.”

“Good. I have an idea.” 

His eyebrows sank in confusion. “What? What is it?”

Sirius stared at him as they walked, or rather the thin line his forehead must’ve created, between his eyebrows. “Just a place I think you’d like.” His face rang with mischief. 

Leaving the park and treading through alleyways and sidewalks, they bickered through the journey. 

“Stop walking so fast, I’m the one leading you.” Sirius exasperatedly sighed trying to keep up.

Remus shrugged his shoulders. “S’not my fault you got short legs.”

“No, you simply have monstrous legs.”

“Say’s the one with stubby chihuahua legs.”

Sirius scoffed. “I do not have chihuahua legs. They’re obviously one of those wiener dogs’ legs.”

“Obviously.” 

Eventually, they did find the place. He would’ve missed it if it wasn’t for Sirius. The entrance was so small, the door barely fit.

Inside it was dark and dingy with flickering yellow fluorescent lights. Maybe he should have been worried, but behind him Sirius was watching with his close eyes and soft smile. 

The hallway led to a large room with rugs, guitars, and soft couches. People were laughing and singing, writing and conversing. 

“What is this place?” Remus asked. 

Sirius went in front of him directing him to a secluded corner. “I call it inspiration.” 

“That’s cheesy.” 

“Well we could also leave.” He pointed to the hallway they had just come through.

Remus huffed. “Alright, fine. What do we do?”

“We sit and we discuss. Anything and everything. Ideas, concepts, you name it.” Sirius pushed him lightly into the couch before grabbing a keyboard off the floor. Drabbling with a few keys. “It’s a creative’s dream.” 

“You look like the type of person to play piano.” 

Sirius said nothing to that. Only keeping his eyes locked on him while continuing to play. Letting his fingers wander. 

“What?” He questioned. 

His shoulders refrained and his expression soft. A knowing behind his eyes. “Didn’t always like playing the piano.”

“No?” 

He shook his head, eyes trained. “No, I hated it. But as I hate to admit it, it is my instrument.”

Remus let his back lay along the couch next to the other. “What do you mean?”

“Well, everyone has one instrument that’s theirs. One that suits them.”

“Mmhh.” He mused. “What’s mine?”

“I think… the guitar.” Sirius exclaimed, pressing dramatically on low keys. 

Remus batted his hand away from the keyboard. “How did you do that?”

“Well for that I just slammed the keyboard-”

“Not that!” He laughed whole-heartedly. “I do play guitar. How did you know that?”

“Let me guess?” Sirius pretended to contemplate. “Any guitar but prefer the bass?”

“You witch!”

“Wizard.” He corrected. 

Remus stood to grab a stray acoustic laying around. “Wizard.”

“Right now, play us something.” Sirius patted the area next to him. 

“Err… I don’t know, what do I play?” 

“Well um- I kinda thought… ” Remus could just tell he was biting his lip again, even if he was busy adjusting the guitar as he sat. “Since you’re an author, a writer, that you would also be a good lyricist as well.”

“Nah, I don’t think that’s how that works.” 

“Not for most people, no. But your book was… so real.” Sirius gestured shly to the guitar. “I think you’d get lyrics.”

“I’m not touchy-feely like that.”

“There’s no way a man of stone wrote that book. C’mon.”

Remus stared defingly, but ultimately began to strum. Not with any purpose, but a strum. “Err…”

“Um… sing about your day.” He offered.

“Alright.” Fiddling with an A-chord he started. “The coffee was bitter and the pigeons were loud.”

“No! Something more profound.” 

“I’m getting to it.” He rebuked. 

Sirius sat patiently. Occasionally matched the strings with his keys. 

“But it was the same as the others. Waiting for it to pass. Waiting for it to begin.” Remus sung in a hushed tone, a tad raspy. When he was at a loss for the words, Sirius nudged him to continue. 

I led me here

Trapped by me

What do you fear?

Sirius grinned helplessly, and Remus couldn’t fight his own lips from quirking up. It was a silly song, he knows, but it was his words and it didn’t have to be drawn out by long adventures on paper. 

I waited for the days

To turn me into you

I don’t think it pays

‘Cus I’m very few

“That’s incredible! I knew you’d be good at that.” Sirius squealed. 

“That was nothing…” Remus allowed. “But it was kinda cool.”

Leaning back, he fidgeted with the keys. “What do you do throughout the day?”

“I’m still figuring it out.” 

Sirius smiled curiously at him, and Remus let his hair fall into his eyes and he bent over this guitar. Hiding from his gaze. Feeling red creep at his cheeks. 

As they had decided to leave, Sirius went to neatly place the guitar on its stand and the keyboard on its rack. While he was doing so, a woman appeared next to Remus. 

Her hair untidy in the best way and her nails were black and chipped, sort of matching her smokey eyes. “I’ve never seen you here before.” She peered with a smirk. 

“Haven't been here before.” He said losing the ‘h’ in his speech. 

The woman leaned against the wall casually. “Do you like it?”

“Sure.” 

“Sure?” 

Remus shrugged dismissively. “It’s nice.” 

“Alright, well me and my friends over are going to this rave later tonight if you wanna come?” 

“On a Tuesday?” He frowned. 

She frowned back. “I thought you were an artist. Don’t you understand that it’s just a day?”

“Not if you have work.”

“Do you?” The woman asked. “Do you have work tomorrow.”

Remus met her gaze temptingly. “No.” 

She smiled leisurely. “Good. Give me your phone number and text you the details.” 

When the contacts were exchanged and Remus read her name ‘Alice’ on his phone, she had already retreated back to her friends. He wanted to question the encounter, but Sirius was walking back towards him and thoughts were lost. 

Mid afternoon, eating cheap pizza on the streets of the upper west side, Sirius and Remus strolled side by side. Not even aiming for Grimmauld anymore. 

“So what did that girl want?” Sirius faintly asked in passing. 

“Oh erm…” Remus tilted his head in thought. “Nothing really. Something about this rave underneath 57th street.”

He was trying to seem relaxed, but was clearly biting his lip. “Underneath?”

“Yeah, sounds weird.”

“No.” Sirius’ voice an octave higher than it was before. “Sounds nice. You should go.”

Remus so desperately wanted to ask him to come. But what would that look like? It would be the most embarrassing feat asking a person you barely know to accompany you to a rave because you’re a tad nervous. “Maybe I will.” 

Recognizing the gold doorway, Sirius giggled like a school girl pushing him and Remus into the same slot of the revolving door. Trying not to fall down, Remus was forced to hold onto the other’s shirt. From this, Sirius stumbled forward on top of him. All while trying to keep the pace of the door. 

The doorman sat behind his desk, giving them a crude look, but this only made the two of them feel more light in the head. Fully leaning on each other as they laughed. 

Snapping out of their bubble, Remus noticed the cop cars gone. Replaced by a uhaul. Marlene from the twenty-first floor and the cop from the night of the murder carrying boxes through the lobby. 

Sirius politely called the elevator for them, smiling at them with his back straight. Remus almost didn’t recognize him. “So, how long have the two of you been together?”

The police officer readjusted her box from slipping. “Never ask a uhaul lesbian that.” 

“It makes a whole day this morning.” Marlene bumped her box into the other’s. 

Sirius, funnily enough, didn’t seem to get the joke. Only nodding along. “Well when you know, you know.”

Marlene laughed loudly at that, then got into the open elevator, with presumably her girlfriend. 

The doors shut and Sirius’ shoulders instantly relaxed. It was a strange sight to see. And perhaps Remus was the only one to see it. “Here, have the rest of my pizza.” Sirius handed it to him.

10:38 P.M. 

Remus had spent the rest of the afternoon with Lily. Obviously going over each detail of each of their days. He knew it was stupid to nitpick moments with Sirius, but it was so damn easy. 

Unfortunately, Lily was more concerned about the potential rave party. Said that he should go. Even offered to accompany him if she didn’t have an early morning shift the next day. 

That’s how he found himself standing on 57th street waiting for Alice to appear. 

He was wearing a basic pair of baggy cargos and beaten up Bowie T-shirt with the sleeves cut off. It wasn’t exactly the peak of fashion.

At the end of the street he spotted Alice in an elaborate, bejeweled set with her hair gelled into a million pieces. In hand, she held a man that Remus remembered from earlier. Behind, a couple others followed. 

“Remus!” She yelled happily. Throwing an arm up in excitement. “This is Frank, my boyfriend.”

Could have guessed that one.

“And over here we got Evan and Pandora. Our other friends had to cancel on us, something about moving stress.”

“Evan?” Remus choked. 

His eager smile faded, and he ran a hand through his moussed hair. “Hey… small city I guess. ” 

“Right.” He nodded.

Evan faced the group and said evenly. “We’re neighbors.”

Pandora remained silent, but Alice lit up. “Oh my god! That’s amazing.”

They set foot for the place with Alice leading the way. The group avoiding stares as they weaved their way through the back doors of the subway. Hidden hallways and cobwebs. Remus felt as if he was being led to his death. 

Once they had reached an empty railroad with an abandoned train, Alice turned back to them. “It’s just behind that.”

Dipping into a small hole in the wall and finding a long staircase. Remus could already hear the people. At the end, there was a large tarp with muffled music coming from the other side, but as he stepped in the music turned into blaring sounds. The floor rattling with the bass.

There were people everywhere. The neon lights moving from group to group in the dark space. 

He caught Alice’s eyes and threw a look that asked what to do. She simply handed him a small silver bag and disappeared into the crowds, boyfriend in hand. 

Pulling out the contents of the bag, he saw two tablets. Whether he trusted her or not wasn’t relevant anymore as he was already swallowing them. Allowing the place to take him. 

Although it did take a good twenty minutes for him to feel any sort of effect, he was dancing. Dancing to the best of his abilities that is. 

There was a gorgeous woman with her arms wrapped around his waist swaying with every beat. His head fell back resting on the side of her’s when the world started to spin. The colors became brighter, and the music not just there but inside of him. It was glorious. He turned to the woman and brought her close with his arms around her neck. Giggling as he went to kiss her collarbone. 

She gripped on his hair and whispered. “What color is this, is it ginger?” Her New York accent thick. Just like Sirius’ without the elegance. 

“It’s whatever color you want it to be.” He held her closely, breathing the air intoxicatingly. Placing a palm on her right breast. “This alright?” 

The woman nodded frantically. “God I love the British.”

“Welsh.” His fingers now circling over the thin fabric covering her nipples. His heartbeat ready to go, pumping out his chest. His eyes lit with a brightness he couldn’t place. 

There was an exciting buzz in the air as they loosened their grip on each other to bounce around. Bodies and heads. Arms getting caught in other’s limbs. 

He was smiling so widely, Remus swore it could have fallen off. 

Nothing was slow.

The hair on his head waving with every movement. Leaning on a man, laughing into music. Not hearing the sound come back, but knowing it was there. 

In the crowd, a few feet or miles back, he spotted Alice and her boyfriend. They seemed happy, encompassed in a lasting togetherness. A pang of sadness shot through Remus and out of the corner of his eye for a split of a second, he saw Sirius. Or at least he thought. 

Unrealistic. No. He’s not here.

Mindlessly bobbing his head, Remus tried to focus on the… on the rave, the music, the people. The rave, the music, the people. The rave, the music, the people. 

God, I don’t want to be here. 

The rave, the music, the people. The rave, the music, the people.  

Remus whipped around, observing the place he was once lost in but now felt trapped. The walls were closing. His clothes felt wrong. His skin was burning where his fingertips once glided. The spinning lights now tormenting him with every swing. 

Just as he had decided to leave, as his life depended on it, he was consumed by an excruciating pain by his stomach. Bending over, falling to the ground, he gripped his side. The pain delayed from his brain to his body. 

Choking in absolute agony, his fingers finally hit the source. A delicately carved wood sticking from inside of him. 

That can’t be right.

As he was frowning down it, his body began to drag away. His arms over his head. 

Remus kicked and screamed, but no one seemed to hear. It had been swallowed by the music. Not coming back, but knowing it was there. He knew, he knew, he knew. 

“Come back!”

Now sobbing heavily, muffling the screeches as he was being pried away. It was useless. He was useless. There was nothing he could do. 

The scene grew distant and the vivid colors began to fade. The tarp ran through his body, catching at the stick with now red leaking from it. Spilling on the floor. 

“Let go! Let go of me!” Remus finally heard his voice but only as an echo. Floating around his head. 

Back in the hallway someone crouched over him. Invading his space. Prodding at the stick. Remus squeezed his eyes shut overcome by the ache. Spinning in darkness. Feeling the space of nothingness all around. 

He blinked awake to hushed voices and honking cars. Then sirens and people. Then white lights and bumpy roads. 

Coughing out a lung, Remus slowly reaccustomed to new settings. Remembering that stingy hospital smell all too well. Although he wasn’t convinced this wasn’t some form of torment in the afterlife. 

It wasn’t until someone grazed their fingertips on his jaw, that he felt so alive. 

Through heavy eyelids, he forced his eyes to work. Eventually registering the long dark hair. The sharp and elegant bone structure that could kill. Those gray eyes. “Sirius?”

“Yes, it’s me. Shhh go back to sleep. The doctors say you need to rest.” His voice so painfully soft, he wanted to hold it. 

Groaning in discomfort, Remus continued to whisper. “What happened?”

The fingertips now tracing small patterns. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it. We can talk about it when you’re okay.” 

“Okay.” He nodded, drifting back to sleep already.