i will try to fix you
10.
December 31st.
Albus felt good for the first time in forever. He felt eerily calm. Losing Scorpius was something entirely out of his control. He was incapable of fighting it. He couldn’t do anything but watch his best friend and the love of his life slowly wither away.
But this- this was different. He had power over this. It felt good.
He smiled.
9.
Scorpius had found him in a similar state a few years ago. It was their fourth year at Hogwarts, and it was, unsurprisingly, one of the worst years of Albus’ time at the school. The bullying had gotten bad since the year before. When kids would simply taunt Albus previously, his fourth year led to insults and more physical bullying. Ever since the whole… time travel incident, Albus had become an even easier target. Albus, being absolutely horrid with a wand, had no way to defend himself, and kids realized this quickly.
He thought he could handle it. He thought he could deal with it. He’d dealt with a whole three years of bullying, so another one shouldn’t be so bad. If anything, he thought he’d be more prepared to deal with it in his fourth year after everything that occurred with Delphi.
He thought wrong.
Albus broke down in sobs when he reached his dorm. He had been having a terrible week already, having been plagued with thoughts of Delphi and constantly stressing about classwork and bad grades. Exhausted from a lack of sleep induced by anxiety and insomnia, Albus tried to look on the bright side, walking out of class when he was approached by a group of sixth years.
His positive outlook was quickly shattered.
He slammed the dorm room shut, gasping for air as he cried. His tears stung the open cuts in his face, and he wiped them away with his bloody sleeve. He felt so helpless. Everything hurt in a way it had never hurt before. The physical wounds were the least of it.
Once his bag was thrown on the floor, he fell to his knees, leaning forward and hugging himself. He sobbed violently, his chest aching as he struggled to take in breaths. He felt like he was going to die.
He wanted to die.
Albus pulled his wand out of his pocket, his sobs reducing to silent tears as he stared blankly at it. He exhaled shakily, gripping it tightly.
He had an idea.
It was stupid. He knew it was stupid. But, at that moment, he couldn’t think of a single thing that would be better.
He held his wand out, sitting up straight and taking in a strained and somewhat painful breath of air. He pointed the wand towards himself, exhaling deeply.
He said the words in his head a few times. Saying them out loud was foreign to him. Saying them out loud would make this idea real. Maybe it would work.
Once he said it, he couldn’t take it back.
It was okay. It would be fine.
No one would miss him.
He smiled at that thought. It wasn’t a happy thought, but it made him realize that this was real. He was going to do this. He wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. He wouldn’t feel any more pain. He wouldn’t be a bother to his family and to Scorpius anymore. He would just be gone.
He swallowed, shutting his eyes.
“Avada Kedavra.”
It was quiet.
He shut his eyes tighter, expecting to feel something. Anything.
Instead, he felt nothing.
He opened one eye, peeking at his wand and seeing that nothing had changed. He furrowed his eyebrows, opening his other eye and looking around. He was definitely still in his dorm room, and definitely wasn't dead. He cursed under his breath, holding his arm out further, as if the pose was the issue.
“Avada Kedavra,” He said again, slightly more exasperated this time. Nothing. He clicked his tongue, repeating it again and again, louder and louder. Tears had begun to form in his eyes once again and his face burned as he repeated it.
“Fucking- why won’t you work?” He pleaded, his throat stinging as he tried to refrain from sobbing. His next attempt caused him to let out an angry sob, throwing his wand across the room as hard as he could. He whined, putting his head in his hands and tugging at his hair. He dug his fingers into his skull, his eyes shut tightly as his body shook with sobs.
He was so bad at magic that he couldn’t even kill himself properly.
He cried harder.
He had never felt more worthless in his life.
8.
“Albus…?” A gentle voice asked. He froze, his body tensing up while his head stayed down. Albus hadn’t even heard the door open.
He tried to stop crying, leading to him breaking out into a fit of hiccups. He started crying more.
“Merlin’s beard, Albus,” Scorpius exhaled, and Albus could feel him sit down beside him. “What’s happened?”
Albus shook his head. He couldn’t tell Scorpius what had happened. It was embarrassing enough. He picked his head up slightly, wiping his tears and sniffling.
“You don’t want to talk about it?” Scorpius asked, and Albus shook his head again. “Oh, that’s okay.”
Scorpius was silent for a moment before wrapping his arms around Albus. Albus tensed up, letting out a trembling exhale.
“I don’t know why you’re crying, but I’m sorry,” Scorpius began to talk. “It’s been terrible for me these past few months, and I know it has been for you too– it’s probably been even worse for you. I can’t say I know what you're going through- obviously, since you didn't tell me, but I can say that I know you, Albus. I know that you're strong and you're incredible and you’re the most amazing person ever and, whatever’s hurting you, I know you can get through it.”
Albus let out a wet laugh. If only Scorpius knew what he had just tried to do. He snuggled up in Scorpius' embrace, sniffling and resting his head.
“I love you the most out of anyone,” Scorpius continued. “You're the best person ever and I hate it when you cry and- if I can do anything to make you stop crying, I will, okay? Literally anything, just tell me-”
“Scorpius, it's okay,” Albus laughed again, wiping his tears. “You just being here is enough.”
Scorpius held Albus tighter, kissing the top of his head. “I really do love you the most, you know that?”
Albus giggled. He knew, but it still felt nice to be told. “I know.”
“Okay. I was just making sure.”
Scorpius played with Albus’ hair, and Albus felt guilty that he ever even thought about leaving Scorpius. Albus could feel a braid taking shape in his hair. He wondered how Scorpius even managed to do that with how short his hair was.
“Scorpius?” Albus muttered, his stomach twisting. He stared into the distance as he tried to come up with a way that he could say what he needed to say without it being too painful.
“Yes?” Scorpius replied.
“Um-” Albus started, pulling away from Scorpius’ embrace but still staying close enough so that Scorpius could continue to mess with his hair. “Is the bullying still- is it still bad for you?”
“Um,” Scorpius stopped playing with Albus’ hair for a moment, quickly starting up again. “Yes, but I've gotten used to it.”
“Oh,” Albus mumbled.. “Um- it's been bad for me, too.”
Scorpius was silent for a second. “Is that why you were crying?”
“Yes,” Albus said. “Sort of.”
“Is there another reason?”
“Uhm-” Albus paused, staring at his wand which still sat on the floor from when he'd thrown it. He swallowed. “There- um- I- fuck.”
“Take your time,” Scorpius said softly. Albus almost laughed.
“If- If I tell you, will you promise not to be mad?” Albus asked quietly. Asking that felt quite pathetic. He cringed at himself, wiping at his eyes.
“I promise.” Scorpius stated, unbraiding the piece of hair in Albus’ head and now just running his fingers through it.
“Okay,” Albus exhaled. “Okay. Okay. I- um- I did something bad. I mean- it didn't work, so luckily it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but- it was still pretty bad.”
“What was it?”
“I, um, I tried to-” Albus stammered, his voice getting caught in his throat.
Merlin, this is harder than coming out.
“I tried to kill myself.” The words left a sour taste in his mouth, and the silence from Scorpius made him immediately regret saying it. “It- it's kind of funny, honestly. I don't know how I expected it to work. I can’t even do a simple summoning charm, I don't know how I expected to suddenly be able to Avada Kedavra myself.” He laughed bitterly, feeling tears sting his eyes. Scorpius’ hands weren't carefully moving through his hair anymore.
“You… You tried to Avada Kedavra yourself?” Scorpius asked, his voice quiet and broken. Albus felt a pang in his chest. This was a mistake.
“Well- yes, but, I'm still here, aren't I?” Albus desperately tried to lighten the mood. It didn't work.
“Albus,” Scorpius’ voice was unsteady as he spoke. “You- Merlin’s beard, I don't-” He let out a breath, and Albus grabbed his hand, feeling Scorpius hold Albus’ ten times tighter.
“I'm sorry,” Albus whispered, his throat barely able to make a sound. “I'm sorry, I didn't- I wasn't thinking, I just-” The more he rambled, the more he realized he was an absolute imbecile. “I don't know why I tried, I- it was so stupid, and I-”
Albus’ words were interrupted by Scorpius grabbing his face and kissing him. The kiss was quick and Albus didn't have time to react, but his face was left burning hot for a reason other than him being embarrassed from crying.
“That was silly of me, I don't-” Scorpius started, tears in his eyes. Albus hadn’t looked at him for a while, and he hadn't realized how broken he looked. “I'm sorry. I don't know what that was for- but I- I love you so much. I am so in love with you, Albus Potter, and I- I don't want to lose you.” Scorpius’ voice cracked as tears started spilling down his blotchy pink cheeks. “I can’t lose you.” Scorpius was still holding Albus’ face, squishing his cheeks slightly. Albus would've tried to move away if it was anyone else. “I'm so sorry, Albus, I- I should've noticed you were in pain. I'm such an idiot, I just- I didn't know. I'm sorry.”
“It's okay,” Albus smiled painfully, his voice an octave higher than usual as he tried to fight his tears from coming out. “It's okay. It's not your fault.”
“I just- I should've realized. I should've been there for you, I-”
“I like you better when you're kissing me,” Albus joked. Scorpius’ frown deepened.
“Albus…” Scorpius whined.
“I'm okay now, I promise,” Albus said. He wasn't a good liar.
“Albus, please,” Scorpius looked sadly into Albus’ eyes. “Please just- just talk to me if you ever feel like that again. I don't want you to– I can't stand the thought of losing you.”
Albus kissed away a tear on Scorpius’ cheek, forcing himself to smile. “You're so amazing.”
“Albus,” Scorpius mumbled. “I'm being serious. Don't deflect from the-”
“I'm not deflecting, I'm just saying-”
“Albus!”
“Okay! I'm sorry,” Albus laughed dryly. Scorpius wiped Albus’ tears away with his thumbs, finally pulling his hands away. “I don't need to talk. I'm fine, I just- I was just being dumb.”
“Albus, trying to kill yourself isn't ‘just being dumb’,” Scorpius rebuked, and Albus winced at the harshness of the words. He looked away, exhaling and resting his head on Scorpius’ shoulder.
“You don't need to worry about me, Scorpius,” Albus said as he felt Scorpius grab his hand and start to play with his fingers.
“I'm obviously going to worry about you,” Scorpius responded. “How could I not?”
“Fair,” Albus laughed weakly. “I just- I hate feeling like this. So… you know. Helpless.”
Scorpius rested his head atop Albus’. “You don't have to go through that alone.”
“I know, I know. It just seems so trivial, you know? Like, other people have worse problems than me, so why can't I just suck it up?”
“Just because other people have it worse doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel things.”
Albus nodded, letting out a pathetic laugh and wiping his nose with his sleeve. He smiled as Scorpius tugged at his fingers.
“I love you so much,” Scorpius whispered, now holding Albus’ hand in both of his hands and grasping it tightly. “So much it’s stressful.”
Albus laughed softly at this, “Well, I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. It’s my choice to love you, no matter how... difficult you may be.”
“Wow, you think I’m difficult?”
“Well- no- I didn’t mean it like- you know.”
Albus smiled, wrapping his arms around Scorpius and shutting his eyes. “I know.”
7.
Scorpius was overly worried from then on. Although somewhat endearing, it was mostly annoying. Albus knew it was from the good of Scorpius’ heart. But, sometimes Scorpius’ heart was too good.
“Albus?” Scorpius whispered, tapping Albus’ shoulder to wake him up. Albus groaned, turning over and feeling a harsher tap from Scorpius.
“Tired,” Albus mumbled, pulling the blanket up to his neck. He felt his bed shift, and then felt Scorpius’ arm wrap around him from behind, resting atop his waist from underneath the blanket. Albus shivered as a kiss was planted on his neck.
“Are you feeling okay?” Scorpius asked.
“Yes…?” Albus furrowed his eyebrows, opening his eyes.
“Okay,” Scorpius exhaled, his breath causing the hairs on Albus’ neck to stand up. “I was just- you know.”
“I told you not to worry about me,” Albus chuckled, shutting his eyes again.
“And I told you that I can’t do that,” Scorpius responded simply. “Really, are you sure you're okay?”
“Yes, Scorpius, I’m fine,” Albus grinned. “I'm just tired.”
“I know, but we have to get to class,” Scorpius said in a slightly louder, more formal and Scorpius-y voice.
“Noooo,” Albus whined. “Tired.”
“Albus,” Scorpius sat up slightly, shoving Albus lightly with his arm.
“Sleep,” Albus mumbled, smirking slightly upon hearing Scorpius yawn.
“I don't want to miss class,” Scorpius exhaled, laying back down and snaking an arm under Albus’ shirt to hug him close to him. Albus curled his legs up, his cheeks hot as he felt Scorpius shift in bed to get more comfortable.
“We can just say we got sick,” Albus smiled. “I think we both need a break.”
Scorpius fell silent, and Albus could hardly refrain from laughing. Of course he fell asleep first. Albus knew Scorpius never slept well. This was good. For both of them.
Albus yawned, melting further into Scorpius’ embrace and starting to fall asleep.
6.
Scorpius never liked skipping class. Albus knew that day was an exception. That was, until Albus woke up late during their sixth year, seeing Scorpius still fast asleep beside him.
His eyebrows furrowed as he looked over to Scorpius, looking around and realizing it was late. The sun was high in the sky and the rest of the dorm was completely empty.
Fuck.
They'd skipped.
Albus shot up in bed, grabbing Scorpius by the shoulders and gently shaking him. Scorpius immediately woke up, letting out a pained whine and pushing Albus off of him. He wiped his shoulders off, turning around in bed and pulling the blanket over his head.
“Scorpius,” Albus whispered. “It's late. We missed, like, half of our classes.”
Scorpius whined in response, curling up under the blanket. Albus clicked his tongue, pulling the blanket off of Scorpius. His expression immediately softened upon seeing Scorpius grimacing with his eyes shut tightly as he hugged his stomach.
“Scorpius?” Albus asked. “What's wrong?”
Scorpius whimpered, shaking his head and reaching for the blanket before realizing it wasn't on him anymore. He whined louder, bringing his hands up to his face to hide himself.
“Scorpius,” Albus frowned, pulling the blanket up over Scorpius so that it reached his shoulders. Scorpius sniffled, immediately grabbing it again and pulling it up to his chin. He let out a shaky breath, sniffling every now and then as Albus watched him worriedly.
“Scorpius, what happened?” Albus asked, getting no response. “Are you in pain?”
Scorpius could only shake his head, his grip tightening on the blanket. “N-no-” He squeaked out before letting out a cry of pain and curling in on himself.
“Fuck,” Albus muttered, getting out of bed. “Come on, we need to get you to the hospital wing.”
Scorpius stayed unmoving, only letting out a quiet whimper.
“Scorpius,” Albus pleaded.
“No,” Scorpius said through strained whines. “I-I’m fine.”
“You're not fine, Scorpius, come on,” Albus walked to the other side of the bed and tried to pry the blanket off of Scorpius, causing him to cry out and open his teary eyes. Albus’ heart broke. He knelt down beside Scorpius, kissing his forehead.
“Please,” Albus spoke softly, watching Scorpius slowly open his eyes and allow a few tears to pour down his cheeks. “You're in pain. I don't want it to get worse.”
Scorpius’ face crumpled as he started to cry harder. “It hurts,” He struggled to get the words out.
“I know,” Albus moved closer to Scorpius, pushing the boy’s hair out of his face and wiping his tears away. “Staying here isn't gonna make it any better, though. Please?”
Scorpius tried to move. He pushed the blanket off of himself, but soon realized that it was too hard. He curled back into a ball, crying and taking gasping breaths. Albus grabbed his hand, desperately wishing he knew any spell that could help even in the slightest. He ran his thumb across Scorpius’ knuckles, watching Scorpius take deep breaths to try and calm himself down.
“How about you stay here, and I go get someone to-”
“No,” Scorpius quickly cut in, his voice quiet and strained. He held Albus’ hand tightly in his grasp, and Albus knew he'd have to stay.
“Okay,” Albus gave in, sighing. He knew it would be smarter to get a healer for Scorpius. But Scorpius needed him. “Do you need anything? Water, food, uhh-”
“No,” Scorpius whispered. “Please.”
“Okay. Just- take deep breaths, okay?”
Scorpius listened, the tears in his eyes fading with each breath.
Albus stayed, holding his hand.
5.
He had gotten worse from there. Scorpius had migraines daily, and would sometimes pass out. He just constantly seemed… out of it. Albus didn't know what it meant.
He knew it meant something bad at age nineteen when Albus spotted Scorpius outside, tending to their garden. Albus let out a small laugh as he watched Scorpius try to figure out how to use a muggle tool to water plants.
He opened the door, stepping outside and smirking at Scorpius. Instead of smiling, Scorpius’ cheeks turned red, and he frowned at Albus, prompting Albus to run over to him.
“You know, there's this awesome thing called ‘magic’,” Albus mocked. “Might make this a bit easier.”
“Ugh, I know,” Scorpius muttered. “I don't get how muggles do this. I've been watering this plant for thirty minutes and it still hasn't grown.”
Albus stifled a laugh, knowing that Scorpius truly was trying his best. “Scorpius, they don't grow immediately. It takes a while.”
“I know that, Albus, but, really? Thirty whole minutes seems excessive.”
“I mean, like, weeks, dummy.”
Scorpius paused, staring at the soaked patch of dirt and the now empty watering can in his hand. “I have to stay like this for weeks?”
Albus couldn't help but snort at this, covering his mouth.
“It's not funny! I don't wanna wait out here for weeks.” Scorpius complained.
“Scorpius, you don't need to be watering it the whole time,” Albus said through laughs.
“Then what am I supposed to be doing?” Scorpius looked at Albus, his eyes wide with confusion and a slight bit of fear.
“You just water it a little bit every day and then wait.”
“..Oh.”
Oh boy. Albus was so in love with this absolute buffoon of a man.
“I thought I was the dumb one,” Albus joked, grabbing the watering can from Scorpius. “Let's go inside, it's disgusting out here.”
Scorpius moved to follow Albus, stumbling over his feet as he did. Albus turned back to him, seeing him be just as confused as Albus was.
“You alright?” Albus asked.
“Um- yes,” Scorpius wiped sweat from his forehead. “Just a bit dizzy. I think I'm okay now-” He took another step, tripping and falling into Albus’ arms. Albus held him tightly, helping him stand back up and grasping his hand tightly.
“Merlin,” Albus frowned. “You've been out here far too long. Hold my hand.”
“No, really, I-” Scorpius paused, catching his breath. “I'm okay, I just- I need to–” He suddenly fell forward, Albus catching him before he could fall to the ground.
“Holy shit–” Albus’ eyes widened as he held Scorpius tightly, carefully lowering him to the ground. He put the back of his hand to Scorpius’ forehead, noticing that he was warm. Really warm. He needed to get him to St. Mungo's, fast.
4.
Albus sobbed after getting home from St. Mungo's. It was stupid of him to be crying when Scorpius was the one who was dying, but he cried nonetheless.
He'd made it a goal at that moment to try not to cry in front of Scorpius. He couldn't show him how much he was hurting. He knew Scorpius would blame himself.
Albus really didn't know what to do. He knew he should have been with Scorpius, comforting him and talking to him. All Albus could do instead was sob pathetically on the floor of the bathroom.
He wanted to talk to Scorpius so bad. He wanted to hug him and comfort him.
But, even the sheer thought of Scorpius made him feel sick. He knew he wouldn't be able to do so much as look at him without breaking down.
He wished it were him. He wished he could've gotten sick instead of Scorpius. That wouldn't be so bad. Scorpius was so full of life. There were so many things he wanted to do and wouldn't have the time for.
Albus started to sob harder, pressing his hands against his face.
Why did this have to happen to Scorpius?
It's not fucking fair.
Scorpius had never done anything wrong. Scorpius was the most incredible person in the world, and he was still being punished.
Albus felt like he was going to throw up.
He wiped his eyes with his sleeves, gasping in a shaky breath. He needed to be there for Scorpius.
3.
Albus knew it would be soon.
It was hard to admit it, but he knew.
He could tell Scorpius knew, too.
Albus couldn't leave his side. He couldn't even get out of bed. He didn't want to risk leaving Scorpius and coming back to him--
He felt sick at the thought. He squeezed his eyes tight, covering his mouth with his hands. He couldn't cry. He wasn't going to cry.
He uncovered his mouth and took a deep breath, opening his eyes and wiping his tears away. He looked to Scorpius, seeing him sleeping with his face up to the ceiling. A rattling noise accompanied Scorpius’ labored breaths. Albus winced.
Scorpius choked on a breath, suddenly waking up and letting out a painful sounding cough. Albus sat up quickly, grabbing a bottle of water from the nightstand.
“Hey,” Albus whispered. “You okay? Do you need water?”
Scorpius continued coughing, letting out a strained groan once it stopped. He shook his head, turning in bed so that he was on his side and laying away from Albus.
“Scorpius,” Albus frowned, his stomach twisting painfully. “You should drink water.”
Scorpius didn't reply. Instead, he tried to pick his head up, struggling and dropping it back on the pillow with a soft whimper.
Albus’ throat stung. He bit his lip, setting the water down on the nightstand before laying down and wrapping an arm around Scorpius’ waist.
He wanted to cry.
He buried his face in the crook of Scorpius’ neck, holding him close to him. Scorpius was freezing, even when under a pile of blankets.
Scorpius coughed a few more times, forcing in a rattly breath. His breathing started to grow erratic, and Albus loosened his grip on him slightly, his eyebrows furrowed.
“Scorpius?” Albus tried to speak, though his voice came out as a squeaky whisper. He pulled away, sitting up. “Scorpius, sit up, you’ll feel better.”
Scorpius ignored Albus, gripping the blanket as he weakly attempted to take deep breaths.
“Sit up,” Albus repeated, moving Scorpius’s pillows so that they were propped against the headboard. Scorpius whined loudly as his head fell to the mattress, and he coughed again, struggling to lift himself up. Albus wrapped an arm around his back, supporting him as he sat up. Once he was upright, he managed to take a deep breath, though it was soon followed by a dry cough.
“Just- try to breathe, okay?” Albus managed to speak despite the tightness in his throat. “Do you want anything to eat?”
Scorpius shook his head, leaning his head against the headboard and exhaling. He glanced to Albus, his eyes glazed over and somewhat vacant.
Fuck. This is so hard.
Albus forced a smile on his face as he looked at ‘Scorpius’, or, a vague resemblance of the Scorpius he fell in love with. He leaned forward, kissing the bridge of Scorpius’ noise. Scorpius squeezed his eyes shut at the kiss and scrunched his nose, though he didn’t pull away. Albus pulled away, seeing a soft smile gracing Scorpius’ lips.
God, he’s beautiful.
Albus kissed the corner of Scorpius’ lips, causing Scorpius to let out a happy exhale which somewhat resembled a laugh.
“I love you so much,” Albus whispered, his lips trembling as he tried to force back his tears and just smile.
Scorpius tried to speak, but nothing would come out. He frowned, coughing as he tried again.
“It’s okay,” Albus said quickly. “You don’t need to say anything. I know.”
Scorpius pouted, looking away from Albus and resting his head on his shoulder. Albus’ breath hitched, and he sniffled.
Scorpius could hardly breathe. He was fighting through it, but Albus could tell he was struggling. Each breath he took was accompanied by a strained squeak, and he gripped at his chest, trying desperately to successfully get a breath in.
“Scorpius,” Albus looked to his lover, panic setting in. He didn’t know what to do. What was he supposed to do? “Do- do you need something? I- um- do you need your potion? Fuck, you haven’t taken your-”
Scorpius shook his head frantically, picking his head up off of Albus and gripping his hand. Albus held his hand back, holding it as tight as he could.
“Deep breaths,” Albus said softly, though his voice shook with fear. “You got this.”
Scorpius managed to take a trembling deep breath, letting out a loud exhale followed up with a cough. He gasped, starting to catch his breath.
“That’s it,” Albus said through tears, bringing Scorpius’ hand up and kissing the back of it. “I- I’m so proud of you.”
Tears fell down Scorpius’ cheeks, and he set his head back down on Albus’ shoulder, clearing his throat and sniffling.
Albus swallowed, feeling himself start to cry as well.
He took a deep breath.
Scorpius’ grip on his hand loosened.
2.
Albus had blacked out. He could vaguely remember screaming, sobbing, holding Scorpius’ hand tightly and shaking him as if that would wake him up. He remembered having to break the news to Draco. He remembered that the funeral was today.
He was horrible.
He was the worst person ever.
The funeral was at ten in the morning.
He was still in bed. It was twelve.
He knew he was a disgusting person. He knew he should've been there for Scorpius’ funeral.
He didn't know why he didn't go.
He couldn't bring himself to even get out of bed.
Just thinking about Scorpius made him feel like he was going to throw up.
He knew he wouldn't be able to be strong at the funeral. He wouldn't be able to face his parents, and he especially wouldn't be able to face Draco and see how badly he was hurting.
Draco probably hated him for not coming. Albus wouldn't blame him.
He wanted to die.
He didn't know what to do.
Scorpius was the most important person in his life.
He was Albus’ reason for living.
And he was just… gone.
Albus looked to the right. All that was left of Scorpius was a slight indent in the mattress and three blankets that Albus didn't have the heart to wash.
His bed felt so empty.
Fuck.
He covered his face with his hands, sobbing loudly. He was gone.
It didn't feel real. He still expected to wake up beside Scorpius. He’d still find himself waking up early on instinct to take care of Scorpius. He would tear up everytime he realized Scorpius wasn't there. He was alone.
It wasn't fair that life just went on. It didn't matter that Scorpius was dead. Days continued to pass. People kept on living their lives. It wasn't fair. Nothing was the same. He couldn't just pretend like it was.
There were letters piled up on the floor. Condolences from friends and family. Tons of letters from Albus’ parents. They were especially worried about him, their worries probably worsened now that Albus hadn't shown up to the funeral.
Albus felt awful. He didn't want them to worry. He didn't want to make anyone feel his pain.
He had an idea.
1.
Happy new year!
Fireworks popped loudly outside, the bright colors illuminating Albus’ bedroom in brief flashes of light.
The start of a new year. The first year Albus would spend without Scorpius since before he met him.
It would be the last.
He stared at the knife in his hands, his hands trembling as he took a deep breath and shut his eyes.