chapter 1
"Rena can you hurry up, i have other things to do. have you packed everything?" her mum shouted to her from the bottom of the stairs. She didnt have things to do, she always said she did but it was a lie. She would say she had other stuff to do, then disappear for a few hours and come back completely pissed and pass out on the sofa. Not that Rena minded too much because it meant she could get the last bits of alcohol left on the side that her mum would forget about by morning. She wasnt always so bad but since Renas dad left it got worse
"yes, mum yes i've packed everything its fine lets just get there." Rena replied, lugging a massive black suitcase behind her. they both wondered out to the car and drove off. occasionally Rena would try and make conversations with her mum in the car but it only resulted in a dry reply or her mum pretending not to hear. it ended up being a silent drive most the way there until about 15 minutes left.
Whilst her mum stopped at a petrol station to go get coffee and a couple packs of fags for the drive back, Rena sat in the car building up the courage to tell her mum what she had been thinking about all summer. It was a difficult thing to say but it was a good opportunity, she thought. Whilst her mum payed for her things, Rena snuck a few of the fags from the open pack her mum left in the car, in to her bag. She saw her mum walking back towards the door and she panicked. Rena pulled a neatly folded piece of paper out of her pocket and scanned through it, in hope it would make her less frightened. it didnt. she scrunched it back up and stuffed it in her pocket just before her mum opened the car door.
"hey mum can i tell you something?"
Renas mum looked at her, worried. "yeah, anything". Rena took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes. She couldnt do it.
"um.. i dont feel well can i just go stand over by the bin for a bit, you know in case im sick" she got out the car and walked over to the bin that was covered by a bush and sat down. Her one chance to tell her mum how she felt and she messed it up. a few minutes later she stood up and walked back to the car, kicking stones on the way there.
"remus?"
"you are not fucking serious Rena. what the fuck. do you want to explain?" her heart dropped and she felt even more sick. she tried to discreetly pat her pockets only to realise the paper was gone. Her mum new and was about to react the exact way she hoped would never happen. 'shit' she thought. that was it. 'shit. shit. shit. shit' she had absolutely nothing to say.
"nothing to say? ill just tell you then. you are a girl. you can only ever be a girl because thats how science works. what did you expect me to let you be like one of them. Dont think that being a boy will make your life better, because it wont" Her face was read and she had ripped the paper up right in Renas face. All rena could think is that her mum was right. it didnt matter how she felt, she was always a girl and everyone would see her as a girl and thats all that mattered. tears started to flood her eyes.
"your taking the piss Rena. dont cry about it? what are you fucking crying for. you wanted to be a fucking boy, didnt you? boys dont cry. Rena stop crying. Stop trying to be something your not Rena." she new that she could never win with her mum, so she just sort of stood there and let it happen she had so much to say but nothing she could say.
Renas mum threw the ripped paper on the seat and got in the car to drive her the rest of the way. now it was silent the whole time. not like earlier though, the type where you could sit there, completely blind, and still be able to feel the tension.
When they arrived Renas mum signed her into the boarding school and filled out the same form she did every year but instead of leaving like she normally did, she pulled Rena aside.
"listen to me right now. do not go telling people that your a boy or doing stupid shit like cutting your hair or trying to get you name changed. this is a phase that is over now your a girl and that is it. if i hear you do anything to mess around, you can move in somewhere else because i dont fucking want you back, its embarrassing." she took a step back and kissed Rena on the cheek and walked back to the car.