chapter 2
He stood there for a minute, trying to collect himself and make sure his face wasnt red before grabbing his dorm keys. Remus walked quickly to his room, making sure nobody saw him, though there werent many people there since they are meant to come tomorrow, but mum insisted that she had lots of work to do. by the time he had finished unpacking his bags, his face was no longer red and his eyes were barely puffy. he stood in front of the mirror. he oddly felt relieved, even though his mum was completely unsupportive, it felt a bit better to know that she at least knew what he wanted. Remus sat there for a while staring at his reflection. His long, sandy hair and freckled face. when he looked in the mirror, he didnt see him, it was someone else. he desperately wanted to change but, if his mum didnt want him back then he had no where to go. Remus sat by the window, smoking a cig, watching cars pull in and drop off their kids. both hugging each other tight not wanting to leave each other. He could admit that sometimes he wished he had such relationship with his parents but they had both fucked it beyond the point of repair, as he saw it. Finally, after watching about ten cars, he saw one he recognised, sirius blacks crazy expensive looking car. i guess you would expect sirius to be a bit stuck up but he never was really, in fact he didnt really like showing off. although if you were from an inbred family i suppose you wouldnt show off. not that any of that made a difference to Rena at all because sirius was different from the rest of his family.
She rushed down the stairs to meet sirius, she had been so bored and couldnt wait to have actual company, not just her mums guy friends coming in her room every once in a while saying how grown up she looks and her girl friends telling her that they knew her since she was a little baby. she got into the reception area awaited round the corner for his mum to leave before running up to him.
"RENA?!" he sounded surprised that he had been here but gave him a big hug anyways. he looked at remus and gave a look of confusion.
"why are your eyes so puffy, you havent been smoking without me beca-" Remus was scared to tell him but figured he would have to eventually.
"no sirius how could i possibly do that. ill tell you later and anyways why are you talking about my face, what happened to yours" sirius looked confused and pulled out a little mirror from in his pocket. "What about my face theres nothing wrong with it" he said. Remus tried to hold back a laugh
" no i just wanted to see you take out that mirror hahahaha do you always carry that around? makes you look a lot gayer than usual" sirius looked at remus, trying to stay serious but still laughed anyways.
They went up to Remus' room, sirius' bags were being brought up for him, his mum insisted he get the best room and best treatment which he said he didnt need. Remus figured he would tell sirius now, so that is was just them two and if anything went wrong sirius could just leave and it didnt have to be awkward with a bunch of people around. He sat on the window ledge, patting the side next to him.
"not a dog you know Rena" sirius replied
"do you want a smoke or not" surely enough sirius went and sat next to him and smiled. Remus turned to Sirius and looked at his eyes. he was scared to say how he felt and lose him but if he didnt, it felt like lying to him.
" can i tell you something first.. an like if its weird or makes you uncomfortable or anything leave and we never have to talk again." remus looked back out the window waiting for a reply. " sure but i mean dont tell me you love me because you know im not into girls and-" Remus threw the empty cigarette box at his head
"jesus christ you really do have a big ego dont you. not everyone wants to shag u sirius. this is serious." he looked back at sirius who was now listening properly. he turned back to the window and took a deep breath, everything that happened earlier flooded his mind. tears started to escape and roll down his face. sirius held remus' face and moved so they were looking at eachother, it was a weird feeling but Remus knew that it still felt right.
"im trans. like i want to be a boy. but i tried to tell my mum and she got mad and she doesnt want me back and now im scared that you will all react the same and i dont want to loose you, and you know i wish i could be okay with being a girl but im not everything feels wrong and i dont want to loose everyone because of how i feel, especially not you." Remus blurted out between sniffles and small cries.
sirius looked at him and didnt know what to do, he just sat for a second, trying to process what he was told.
he pulled remus into his chest and held him tight. Remus shut his eyes tight, everything felt insanely loud and bright and it was too much. he focussed in sirius' breathing, hoping this meant he was okay with it. Sirius lifted him off his chest and smiled at him.
"so no more rena? " remus smiled at him and nodded
"i thought remus" he said,shyly
"good name, honestly too responsible if i changed my name i would change it to like, i dont know an avenger or something like that" sirius shot a fake gun out the window and looked back to Remus for approval " thats because your a child sirius."
"well how about we actually have a fag then?" sirius asked, picking up the one remus put in between them. he lit it and stood up, picking up the empty fag box and ripping it apart. he started opening remus' drawers, looking for a pen. Remus shot up.
"what are you doing? stop looking through my stuff " sirius laughed at him and turned back to the drawers.
"just wanted a pen, why what do you have to hide in here." sirius picked up the pen and turned back to the drawers. remus ran over, shutting them and standing in front of it
" none of you business first of all and you've got your pen so do whatever you wanted to do" sirius turned around, back facing remus and scribbled on the ripped card. he turned back and threw the pen at remus, hitting him in the face " you dick what was that for"
" for throwing that empty pack at me earlier, now, i have something to gift you. my dearest friend." sirius stepped forward and took remus' hand. his stomach fluttered which was weird but he figured it was just because he was nervous.
"since you are a boy now, i can give you this. i hope you use it well." he said throught drags of his fag and handed remus the card and smiled. remus burst out laughing and stared at it. the card read 'free shag from THE sirius black'
" sorry black still dont want to fuck you but ill keep it anyways." he shoved it in his drawer and kissed sirius' hand, making sirius go bright red.