The Break-Up
“y-you don't mean that” whimpered James, voice so small that nobody would believe that it was coming from the infamous James Potter Golden Boy of Gryffindor.
“i do” sneered back Regulus
“but what about us lo- Regulus” Regulus ignored the pang of pain in his heart as James corrected himself, “what about all that we have, o- or had”
“we had nothing Potter, just your dumb hope” after two years of calling James, James or love or baby, Potter felt weird.
A broken sound escaped James' lips, which made Regulus want to attach his lips to James' but that is all reserved for daydreams now.
James got up and moved towards Regulus, holding his hand out “Regulus, love, you're scared”
Involuntarily Regulus flinched backwards, James had always been able to see through Regulus' mask, not the way his mother was, not with magic but with love, and it scared Regulus more than anything.
So he did the only thing he knew to do.
What he always did.
Run from his problems.
“you know nothing Potter” and with that he exited the classroom, leaving a broken James behind.
.
It hurt.
It all hurts.
And it's so funny that James could laugh, he would laugh if it didn't hurt so much.
He knew that Regulus would leave.
He knew that people left him.
He knew that Regulus was too good for him.
But then why had he expected Regulus to stay?
Why had he expected Regulus to not leave?
Perhaps because he always had hope.
It hurt because he knew that Regulus would eventually leave, of course he would for James knew that now Regulus knew him inside and out, of course he wouldn't want to spend more time with James.
No one knew of their relationship.
No one would know of their break up.
James would suffer in silence
He didn't need more people leaving him.
Plastering a smile on his face he left the classroom.
He was fine.
No he wasn't.
But he had to be fine.
So he was fine.
.
TW/CW: mentions of suicide and suicidal thoughts!
Things were happening and James was living, only just though.
Living ‘happily’ in the daylight and crying at night in his bed, or sometimes going to the astronomy tower after making sure that Regulus wasn't there.
Everything felt so sad and everything sucked, majorly.
James' life was just barely going by.
Before he knew it the newts came and went.
He doesn't know how he did, doesn't know what was in the exams.
Everything was just passing by as a blur.
It doesn't matter to James that Regulus broke his heart, that he broke James as a whole, still every night before sleeping James will make sure to check the map to see if Regulus made it to his bed safe.
It doesn't matter to James that he’s hurting, he’ll still sit down and listen to Mary rant, he’ll still listen to Peter talk about his girlfriend, he’ll still take care of Remus on a daily basis.
And no matter how much it hurts, he’ll still listen to Sirius talk about how scared they were for their brother, and James would just nod along for how is he to explain to his best friend that he too is scared? Scared for the man he loves the most in the world, scared for a man for whom he’d bleed himself dry, scared for someone who knows James inside and out and doesn’t desire him.
To outer eyes James is happy, James should be happy.
Who gave him the right to be sad.
How pathetic is he after all to want himself to die after just a heartbreak when there are people who have it so much worse and are happy?
But it wasn’t just after the breakup that James wanted to die, it’s been the same for years. But having Regulus by his side for the previous two years has helped.
Knowing someone loved him ,willingly, helped.
But maybe Regulus didn’t?
He doesn’t know.
Doesn't know anything, just knows how undesirable he is.
Looking out of the window of the astronomy tower he wonders what would happen if he were to jump out.
Surely everyone will be happy, glad to have finally rid themselves of the constant nuisance known as James Potter.