Due to the big family Marlene had, there was a routine she has been following ever since she remembers being alive.
She’d wake up by 7:30am, wake her two younger siblings up, shower, have her breakfast and brush her teeth while her siblings are showering. It’s always a mess, but she was used to it by now — her family’s routine was something that she wasn’t ready to let go the day she moved out of the city as she desires to do one day.
Marlene was the 3rd child of the Mckinnon family and even though she doesn't have the same burden that the 1st daughter has on her back, it's still a lot for her. She's not overlooked like people think she is because she's the middle child, but that’s because at school, she is the captain of the football team, which is an incredible achievement since the team is co-ed.
Captaining a team in a sport which is men dominated can be as terrifying as being trapped in a box in the middle of the ocean, but she was strong enough not to give up on her dreams. She loved football and she worked hard to be the captain so she wouldn’t jump off now just because some boys were upset.
“Marlene!” she heard her older brother scream from the outside of the bathroom door for the fourth time in five minutes.
“I said fucking wait! ” she yelled back while drying her hair in front of the mirror.
Marlene was a natural blonde. And, look, it wasn't that she didn't like her hair, it was just that Marlene loved change. She was considered the ‘rebel’ one of the 5 kids and, to be fair, she didn’t totally hate that label.
Melissa was the golden child. The first daughter, the one who does not even live in the house anymore; with a great job, pregnant with her 2nd child and a beautiful husband. She is perfect as Helen and Marcus love to remind Marlene who isn’t that great with grades.
Maverick was the jock kid type — more like Marlene than she likes to admit — the difference is that his passion is more for rugby than football. All the girls drool over his blonde hair, big blue seductive eyes and strong, typical rugby arms. Almost every single girl friend Marlene had only went to her house to see her 2 years older brother who failed his last school year. Exhausting.
Marlene was the rebel kid. Always dying her hair, using strong eyeliner and black eyeshadows. Her clothes were not as girly as her parents expected it to be. That mainly happens because Helen has raised her to be exactly like Melissa — but she wasn’t and would never be Melissa. Marlene was into all the stuff Melissa wasn’t and liking football was quite a disappointment to Marcus, which is funny to Marlene.
Miles is the overlooked one. He’s only 15 and unlike the teenagers around his age, he already knows damn well what he wants to do with his life. Miles aspires to be an archaeologist; his first mention of that dream was when he was only 7 years old and everyone, even Marlene, thought it’d be an obsession that would quickly fade away, but it didn’t.
Marjorie is the princess one. She’s only 11 and acts like a 11yo like she is supposed to. Her mother raised her to be different from Marlene — and she is. Marjorie spends most of the days wearing pink dresses with flowers on it, her long blonde hair tied on a ponytail and her grades at school are always up. Marlene wonders if she’ll be like that when adolescence kicks in.
After sharing more screams with Maverick, Marlene finally got out of the bathroom, holding her makeup bag angrily — her hair still kind of wet.
“Couldn’t you fucking wait?” she rudely asked.
“Couldn’t you wake up when you’re supposed to? Maybe then you wouldn’t be interfering in my routine. I have school.”
“Maybe don’t fail the year to be shagging girls,” Marlene gave him a sarcastic smile.
“Asshole,” he murmured, hitting his shoulder on Marlene’s to get his way into the bathroom.
After that, the girl entered the room that once belonged to her older sister and sat on her vanity, staring at the mirror as she tried to make her eyeliner — that always consumed half of the time she had to get ready, sometimes she’d give up and only use eyelash and other times she’d chose to get late just to finish the eyeliner.
This time the eyeliner took her 15 minutes from the 40 she had left, so to choose the clothes was really just a baggy dark t-shirt with sport shorts since it was training day and she didn’t like to change at the changing room full of other girls.
“Are you gonna take long?” Miles came in while Marlene was tying her red all stars.
She lifted her head with raised eyebrows, the pink hair that was falling on her eyes now flying back as she hummed in the younger boy’s direction.
“I asked; are you gonna take long?”
“Nope,” she got up after getting done with the shoe, “I’m actually ready to go now.”
She was 17 and since she could already legally drive, her younger siblings always took advantage of that on the days they had the same arriving hour as her. Maverick didn’t have his driving license.
"Where is Mar?” Mar was the nickname Marjorie had, given by Marlene herself.
“Having breakfast,” Miles shrugged.
For a 15 year old, Miles was almost Marlene’s height, which was 5’11. Her height was also a subject in people’s mouths. They’d tell her she was being dumb for following football because she was tall enough to focus on basketball or say that no man would ever want to date her because of how tall she was — they didn’t know she was glad about that .
“Tell her we’re leaving, I’m gonna get late for the millionth time this week,” she ordered, grabbing her black backpack.
It had names of rock bands written on it with realtor and some pins about movements she supported, country flags and even bands again. She placed it on one of her shoulders and touched Miles' shoulder, getting him to get moving to the outside of the room.
Amazingly, for a large family like theirs, their house didn't have an upstairs. They had a big one floor house plan with a garden full of flowers Helen took well of. The kitchen was right at the end of the big corridor they had. Marlene’s room was at the back of the left side of the house — the room’s side — and for her to reach the kitchen, she had to face Maverick’s door — that had a danger warning sticked on — and looking to the side, she’d see the clean door of Miles and Marjorie’s room. Their rooms being side to side was peaceful, at least with an antisocial teenager and a kid at the end of her official childhood.
In front of Miles and Marjorie’s room there was the bathroom, the well known bathroom, the cause of the biggest fights between the elder children. Into that same bathroom, there was a door to Marcus and Helen’s room — something Marlene always found disrespectful because what if one of them walked in while i’m peeing?
After passing by every room and two storage closets, you’ll see a big living room with the front door shining with its brown wood. The living and dining room had a small separation from the laundry room wall whose door faced the garden glass door.
Their two cars stood in a small garage on the right side of the living room. The door is full of stickers of the places they’ve traveled to that Marlene personally adores.
That house was the proof that Marlene gave to people who say that it’s impossible to fit one big family in a one floor house. She always loved to see their reactions to how her house didn’t have a second floor and they still had everything they needed. Marlene loves her house.
“Not having breakfast?” Marjorie asked with a slice of bread in her mouth.
“I’ll buy something at school, it’s fine. Mum already left?” her voice was breathy as she was speeding up not to get her siblings or herself.
“Yup,” the younger one shook her hands after putting the rest of the bread into her mouth, chewing as fast as she could, showing that there was something else she wanted to say. Marlene waited, “When is dad coming?”
Their dad worked during the night and came home around 7am, the time where everyone is basically almost leaving. Today, he was late to get home and Marjorie was worried since she is closer to Marcus than his other children.
“He’s almost coming, don’t worry babes,” Marlene forced a smile, touching her sister’s long bright blonde hair.
“Can we wait for him?”
“No, love. We’re getting late,” she carefully denied her sister’s request, “I can ask him to pick you up today, huh?”
“What about me?” Marcus asks, “You’ll pick me up?”
“It’s training day,” the elder warned, starting to walk towards the garage door. Her siblings followed.
“I know. I’ll have to take the bus alone?”
“No, Mi,” she started once they reached the black car, “If dad agrees, he’s taking you both home.”
“And what if he doesn’t?”
“You both take the bus, as usual.”
Miles protested under his breath in a tone Marlene couldn't understand what it was said — but she didn't know if she wanted to though. Of course they didn’t like to take the bus, no person does, but it was needed on Marlene's practice days. Miles and Marjorie had very similar timetables and on the days Marlene couldn’t pick them up, they both left at 4:30pm… Marlene’s classes ended at 5:45pm and her practice started at 6:25pm, ending at 7:50pm every Tuesdays and Fridays. She also had practice on Sundays, but earlier — from 1:30pm to 3:45pm with a 20 pause in between and thankfully, she didn’t have anyone to pick up or to leave to take a bus full of smelly old men.
As Marlene is very lucky in life, the traffic was horrible and only after at least 5 stops of seconds that felt like minutes did they arrive at the school. Marjorie ran towards one of her friends that seemed to be late just like her while Miles walked alongside Marlene, who was giving fast steps to her class. They both shared the same side of the big building, Miles on the 1st floor, Marlene on the 2nd. When they reached the stairs, the girl kissed her brother’s forehead and ran upstairs.
Of course she was the centre of attention when she knocked — it’s always like that. The whole class, almost 50 pairs of eyes staring at you like you’re some celebrity that showed up to give autographs; ergh, Marlene hated it.
“Sorry I’m late,” she managed to breath out, holding the bag strongly.
“For the 3rd time this week, miss Mckinnon.”
“I know. I’m really sorry.”
At this point, Marlene couldn’t even give any excuse to why she got late, so she hoped a ‘sorry’ would be enough. The old lady rolled her eyes and sighed — Marlene almost did the same.
“Go to your seat,” she said and Marlene didn’t think twice before running to the second table of the middle row, next to James.
“Hey,” he whispered.
“Hi. What did I miss?”
“Nothing important, the class just started.”
James was Marlene's only best friend, or at least he is now, after Dorcas Meadowes. Dorcas was Marlene’s first friend, they did everything together. Used to make plans to live together in the future, to travel the world. It was just Marlene and Dorcas… that was until they kissed and Dorcas simply disappeared from Marlene’s life. No text of goodbye, only a block. No call, number blocked. Everything and everywhere, Marlene was blocked.
There wasn’t even a chance for an apology. Marlene came to the painful conclusion that Dorcas thinks she’s disgusting, so Marlene never got to tell James about it, all because she was scared of losing him too.
The thing is, Marlene spent years of her life trying to accept the fact she liked girls. She even identified as bisexual for a while — in secret. Then, she cried for months after trying to date a boy and hated any kind of proximity he desired to have with her. Then Dorcas happened and the pain she felt when she lost Dorcas was nothing compared to what she felt after her breakup with her boyfriend, which led to the conclusion she doesn’t like men at all and that was fucking her head up.
Marlene can’t say the word lesbian out loud yet and somehow, she hated being one. She wished she could like men and present her boyfriends to her family, have family plans and get married — wished she could make her family proud of her love life. Instead, all she got was attraction to women and an ex-best friend that ran away after a kiss of how disgusted she probably was. Marlene never took Dorcas as a homophobe, but people can surprise you any day.
The class was boring — as expected; but James made it a little easier with his awful jokes and random comments about their classmates like he always does in every single class. After it ended, they both walked silently to the classroom B-201 that was on the other side of the school. On their way there, they passed by Dorcas’ old locker and Marlene felt her heart squeeze inside her chest. Dorcas hated Marlene liking girls so hard she changed schools — how much of a bitch can you be?!
Fuck her ; was her first thought.
Fuck me ; was her last one.
“–can you believe it?!” James woke her up.
“Excuse me?” she tried to be polite, “I’m sorry, I seriously didn’t hear.”
“I was talking about the fact Peter got a girlfriend. What planet are you on today?”
“Peter has a girlfriend?!” she asked, completely ignoring the call-out.
“Yes! Emmeline Vance. I always thought she was gay.”
“Isn’t she?”
“Apparently not. Her phase is probably over,” Marlene looked at James with her heart onto her hands, bleeding.
“Yeah,” she decided to say, ignoring how her heart hurted with what he said.
“Peter said he wants to talk to us after school by the way,” James warned, “said it was an important subject.”
“He just wants to brag about how he got a girlfriend faster than us, for you I mean, boyfriend for me, girlfriend for you… you get it,” she was rushing her words, trying to justify herself as fast as she could.
James chuckled.
“I know, Mars.”
“Great,” she nervously laughed in the middle of a sigh.
“But y’know, maybe it is really important.”
“I have practice. Can’t he choose another time?”
“And can’t you skip one practice?”
“You’re talking like you aren’t on the team and like I’m not the captain,” she said, turning her head in the boy’s direction.
They were almost the same height, so Marlene didn’t have to look up or down to catch her friend’s eyes.
“ Okaaayyy ,” he rolled his eyes, “I can ask Pete to watch the practice and talk to us in the end, what do you think?”
“I think that’d be great. We can talk on the way home.”
“Oh my god, you’re right!”
Marlene had to laugh at the way James had forgotten they were neighbours.
The next classes were all boring like the first one. Marlene drew some random furniture and eyes on her notebook instead of what was needed for the exams — she didn’t care really much. Yes, she knew she had to have great grades to have a future in football, but she wasn’t terrible in the exams, only at paying attention in classes.
Looking at the teacher’s blonde hair she realised she had to think about the next colour for her hair since pink was getting old — maybe she’d dye it black. Mckinnon had always been curious to see how she’d look as a brunette.
In biology class, James sat far away from Marlene, so their way of communication were eyes and eyebrows that moved in a way that only them two — and Peter — would understand. Most of the talks during that class were complaints about how boring it was.
******
The training was more demanding than usual, Marlene teamed up with the teacher to choose and divide two teams of 11 people, including herself in one of them.
There were pink and green shirts, Marlene chose the green team — the team that won both games they practised today.
Marlene was getting more anxious every single day about the competitions at the end of the month. Hogwarts had to win at least 4 from the 6 categories that were up to competition.
- football
- rugby
- basketball
- singing
- acting
- dancing
Most of those were athletic categories and Marlene was trying to be hopeful and trust the people on the athletic teams — she was friends with some of them and they were very good. She also knew the people in the dancing category would totally win.
After grabbing her bag and leaving the changing room, Marlene waited for James — since he preferred taking a shower there than waiting until getting home — with Peter. Both discussing the competitions.
“So, your girlfriend…” Marlene had to mention it.
“What about her?”
“Nothing,” she laughed, kicking a small rock, “It’s just that I thought she was gay.”
It took a while for Peter to answer.
“Wait until James gets here and I’ll explain everything, alright?
“Wait. Are you two fake dating?”
“I said wait.”
Curiosity was gnawing at Marlene. She wanted to understand what was happening. If Emmeline was gay, why was she dating Peter?
Was she actually bisexual? Was it all a lie?
When James walked out of the door with his hair wet, Marlene almost moaned of excitement.
They started walking in silence, waiting for Peter to start.
“So,” Marlene and James stared at Peter, “my girlfriend is a lesbian.”
“So I was right? You’re faking dating!” Peter raised his hands.
“Let me finish,” he asked, “thank you. So, yeah, Emmeline is a lesbian. We’re not a straight couple because I’m not a man, I’m non-binary.”
Mckinnon frowned. Not a man? Non-binary? What the hell did those words mean?
“What in heaven is a non-binary?” Potter asked, just as confused as Marlene.
“It means I’m not a man, but I’m also not a woman. I’m outside the binary boxes.”
“You’re a trans woman?”
“No, Mars. I’m non-binary. non-binary.”
“So you’re not a man and you’re not a woman?” Peter nodded, “How does that even work?”
“Gender is a social construction that I do not fit in. I still go by Peter, but I use he/they pronouns.”
Marlene could only stare, confused. How would she use they pronouns for one singular person? How would she describe Peter now?
“How does that work?” she decided to ask.
“Instead of saying ‘he forgot his book’ you can say ‘they forgot their book’, for example,” they explained.
“Oh. Alright. So you’re not a man?” Peter nodded, “You’re not a woman?” Peter nodded again, “Okay,” James sighed.
“My gender expression can go between what society considers feminine and masculine, though. If you ever see me more masculine than other days, that doesn’t erase my gender identity.”
Peter was great at explaining things and even if at first everything was a blur inside Marlene’s mind, they managed to make it make sense and the little pieces of it were all getting together. However, maybe a drawing would make things clear — or maybe google was also an option.
“Okay but Emmeline,” she decided to bring the subject up.
“Lesbianism means non-men loving other non-men. Non-binary people aren’t men, regardless if they have a penis or not. Emmeline was the first person I came out to and we ended up falling in love.”
“Don’t lesbians dislike penises?” Mckinnon questioned.
“Genitals do not define your gender.”
“What do you mean?” James questioned, “If you have a penis, you’re male. Vagina, female.”
“That’s sex, not gender,” Pettigrew said.
“How?”
Peter sighed, clearly a bit tired of explaining the same thing over and over again, but Marlene couldn’t blame James as she was just as confused as he was.
“Sex is what you have between your legs. Gender is what society created.”
“Hm.”
“Google is free, maybe go do your own research,” Pettigrew politely tried to say, however, it sounded a bit rude, “Sorry, I’m nervous with this. I’m also bisexual, by the way. Done. I’ve finally come out to you guys, finally.”
“Look, we clearly don’t get much of the gender part, but we’ll try our best to understand. About being bisexual, I’m proud both of us is proud of you, Pete,” James said, holding Peter’s shoulders when they three stopped walking.
“Yeah, James is right,” Marlene smiled at the person.
At home, Marlene spent at least 1 entire hour doing her research about gender. However, half of it she spent thinking about how supportive James was with Peter’s come out — she wonders if he’d be just as supportive with her.
******
The whole week was a mess, Marlene was still trying to figure out the dynamic between Peter's gender and Emmeline's sexuality, but things were much clearer — she would just need time. It was a Sunday, or in a better wordering, the Sunday. It was time for her to see the football team of the Beauxbatons school. The teams were going to be released at 4:30pm, meaning that she had a whole day in front of her eyes — a day that she’d definitely spend nervous and anxious.
Marlene was sitting next to Lily, with one arm over her shoulders, while James was on the other side, with his legs draped over Marlene's lap. Peter was sitting on Emmeline's lap and Mary was sitting on the floor between Kingsley's legs — her boyfriend. School was the main subject; Mary was complaining about her grades in math and James was bragging about his. By now, Peter was already out for the whole friend group — even Sirius and Remus; who weren’t present at the time because of studying. Everyone showed to be super supportive; Lily started a speech about lgbtqia+ rights which made Marlene feel slower and more comfortable in starting to not hide her lesbianism.
However, she didn’t feel ready to come out yet. She was still trying to accept herself, she was still scared and seeking male validation without noticing; still trying to be attracted to men even if deep down she knew that’d never happen because she wasn’t and never would be into men.
“Let’s play truth or dare?” Mary suggested, with her arm resting up on her boyfriend’s thigh.
“I’m in,” James immediately answered.
“Whatever,” Emmeline shrugged.
“I’m also in,” Peter stated.
“Yeah,” Lily said.
“I’m okay with it,” Kingsley held Mary’s hand.
Everyone turned their heads to Marlene, who shrugged. She didn’t want to play, but she wanted to be with her friends.
“Alright, who's gonna start?”
“Me!” Emmeline exclaimed, “Kingsley, truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
“ Hmmmmmm… Is it true that you’ve dated Hestia Jones?”
“Yes.
“What?!” Mary turned half of her body back, lifting her head to look at her boyfriend, “You never told me that!”
“You never asked me that.”
Mary made a pout and Shacklebolt rolled his eyes with a grin before bending over so he could kiss his girlfriend's lips. She smiled with satisfaction right away. Marlene sighed to herself, wishing she could be like them.
“Is it true that she dumped you, though?” James questioned.
“She didn’t dumped me, she came out to me as aromantic and asexual.”
“What’s that?” Marlene asked.
Oh, she was definitely far behind the whole LGBT community subject.
“It’s when someone doesn’t feel any or just a little of sexual or romantic attraction, under those umbrellas there are demiromantic and demisexual people who can feel sexual and romantic attraction, they just need to feel connected to the person first. Like, they wouldn’t think and want anything romantic or sexual with that person before getting to know her very well,” Lily started explaining and Mckinnon blinked at her, admired.
How could she be so smart?
“So why did Hestia date him?” James asked once again.
“She told me she was trying to like someone. Basically, she was pretending to like me because she thought that if she pretended she would start liking me,” the black boy tried to explain, squinting and tilting his head at some parts.
“Ouch,” Peter commented.
“Nah, it’s fine really. It lasted like two months, even less,” he said, “nothing serious.”
“Alright, next one. King, it’s your turn choosing,” Emmeline ended the Hestia conversation.
“Lily, truth or dare?”
“Dare,” she said with a proud grin.
“Damn, alright, let me think… call your ex-partner and put it on speaker mode.”
Lily’s smile disappeared for a few moments and Marlene even thought she’d deny that, but Lily never turned off a dare so she grabbed her phone and searched for her contact list. It didn’t take long for her to put on speaker mode and wait until a voice was heard.
“Hey,” it was a female voice. Alice Fortescue’s voice.
Lily likes women? Lily dated a girl? Fuck. For how long? Why did they break up? When did it start? Why didn’t she tell Marlene? Did she notice Marlene was into women too? Did she notice Marlene was into her?
“Hey, I’m playing truth or dare. Say hi to our friends.”
There was silence on the other side of the line for a while.
“… Hello?”
“Hi,” the group said at the same time.
Lily took off the speaker mode.
“I’m sorry– I know, but I’m still sorry,” she giggled, “Yes, I had to call my ex, yes. Mhm, yes, finally. Alright, bye, kisses!” she hung up and smiled at her friends.
“Is this a prank?” Mary questioned, “You’re queer?”
“Bi and demisexual,” she explained.
“I’m bi too,” Mary laughed like she couldn’t believe it.
“How many bisexuals are in here?” Emmeline asked in a giggle and Kingsley, Mary, Lily and Peter put their hands up, “Amazing.”
“It’s my turn. James, truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
“Is it true you’ve had a crush on me?”
The room was automatically filled with laughter and James threw his head back, grunting in shame.
“Yes, yes it is true,” he confirmed it, “Everyone knows it, you’re so annoying.”
Lily chuckles.
“I love making fun of you, Jamie ,” she says the name in a mocking tone. James flips her off and they laugh again.
Marlene was ready for her turn, she wanted to say dare, but she was scared after Lily’s turn of dare. She was still shocked her friend group wasn’t as straight as she thought it was and even if people were coming out; she didn’t want to.
“Pete, your turn.”
“Truth is my choice,” they inform.
“Who’s the weirdest person you have ever kissed?”
“I don’t know, erghmmm maybe Caradoc. He’s cool but it was really random.”
“Caradoc Dearborn?” Mckinnon questions.
Caradoc Dearborn was one of the few outed queer people at school. He was dating Benjy Fenwick who was openly gay since he was 13 — poor kid suffered a lot with that. Not just because he’s gay but because he’s black and being out as queer and be black in society is pretty hard, Marlene couldn’t imagine how much, but she has heard some of his stories where he shared the awful experiences he has had growing up —, but she didn’t expect him to have something with Peter, or for better wordering, she didn’t expect Peter to have something with him.
“Yup.”
“That’s a new one,” she commented.
“I told you, very random,” he shrugged, “Mars, love of my life, truth or dare?”
Her heart was racing. She couldn’t say dare but she also didn’t want to say truth — dammit.
“Truth,” she decided.
“Alright. Have you ever called your ex when drunk?”
Relief fell onto Marlene. She could kiss Peter right now of how thankful she was he didn’t bring sexuality up.
“I have never been drunk so, no.”
“You’ve never been drunk?!” Lily was shocked.
“Nope,” Marlene replied, popping the p .
“She’s telling the truth, she only looks like a rebel.”
“I am a rebel compared to my siblings,” the girl shrugged.
“Alright Pete that question sucked,” Kingsley said, “You should’ve asked something that will make the person want to kill you like something really personal.”
“That's an invasion of privacy,” Marlene immediately answered.
“That’s the fun of it, love,” Mary said, blinking one of her eyes to Marlene, who rolled hers.
“It’s not fair that I get 2 questions, if his question sucked that’s his fault, not mine.”
“She has a point,” James defended.
Lily got away from Marlene’s arms to sit on the floor instead, resting her arm on top of the sofa, touching Marlene’s leg with her fingertips and her body shivered at the hot touch; her heart racing and her head frozen in one direction as goosebumps ran through every hair on her body
A few more rounds went by and Marlene was escaping the sexuality questions very well — and she was really proud of it, but she knew that at some point she’d be fucked. Well, that was until the game ended in a peculiar way.
“James, truth or dare?”
“Truth,” he said, confident.
“Do you have a crush on someone at the moment?” Lily questioned and Marlene wondered why she was so interested in who James fancies.
Marlene didn’t even realise James didn’t answer until Lily called him again, shaking his feet on Mckinnon’s lap.
“I do,” he confessed.
Mckinnon turned her head to stare at her supposedly best friend. He had a crush on someone? Since when?
“Excuse me.”
“James?!” Peter exclaimed and Marlene felt less attacked by knowing she wasn’t the only one Potter had hidden this information from.
He didn’t seem happy by sharing this information. He had a straight face, arms crossed, eyes locked on the closet next to the door.
“Who is it?” Mary questioned.
“The question was if I crushed someone, not who I have a crush on,” he rudely replied, not moving his eyes.
“C’mon James,” Macdonald insisted, “we’re all friends here aren’t we?” everyone nodded and said ‘yeah’ , James still didn’t look convinced, “we can keep a secret.”
“But I don’t want to fucking tell,” he snapped, getting up, “I need to go.”
“What the fuck, James?!” Peter got up from Emmeline’s lap, trying to stop James, but he kept waking until leaving through the door.
“What is wrong with him? Christ,” Lily complained.
“Do you think he’s still into you?” Kingsley asked and Marlene had to immediately look at the redhead to see her reaction.
She had to see if Lily was happy with that possibility, she had to make sure she was definitely not into James.
“You think so?” Lily questioned in a soft tone.
NO NO NO NO NO; Marlene’s head screamed. Please don’t be in love with someone else. Please look at me, I'm right here. Please.
“I don’t know,” Kingsley shrugged.
“I don’t think he does,” Lily sighed, looking back at the door.
Marlene’s heart was so fast she thought she’d drop dead on the sofa. She hated to think about her crush on Lily because she was afraid it’d end just like how it ended with Dorcas. Knowing that Lily liked girls should make Marlene feel better, but actually it only made her feel more insecure because if she ever confessed and Lily said she didn’t like her back, the problem would be her — she likes girls, but not her.
That was Marlene’s biggest nightmare.
“Should we keep playing?” Mary asked hesitantly.
“I’m not feeling like it,” Peter said, still shifting his gaze from the door to their friends.
“Yeah, I think I should go try and find James,” Marlene said before getting up, feeling Lily follow her with her eyes.
When she was ready to talk out, she felt a grip on her lower leg.
“Make sure he’s alright,” Lily asked, looking up and Marlene silently nodded; feeling the grip loosen up so she could walk away — and she did.
Finding James was a hard task. He didn’t seem to be anywhere to be found, but Marlene knew him since they were just two little kids in the neighbourhood. She was James’ left arm; they knew each other better than anyone else — even if Peter was part of the same friendship, he had grown closer to Sirius and Lily, and that was fine. They were still a trio, they were still best friends because they still knew each other perfectly well, but they also had other friendships and that was alright.
There was a time where James had grown closer to Sirius and Marlene to Dorcas, but in the end they came back to each other like they always do since they’re 6. James was still super close with Sirius, but Sirius wasn’t Marlene; in the same way Dorcas wasn’t James.
When James was a kid and something upsetted him, he went to this small cliff only one mile away from his house; he’d just sit there and watch the river and how the waves hitted the low side of the rock he was sitting on. One day Marlene followed him; he had just fought with his dad — something that never happens — and was really sad, so Marlene wanted to help.She had already realised he was constantly disappearing after fights they had, or with Peter, — even when he had just fell and hurt his knee — so she followed him and found him peacefully sitting there, looking at the water.
On that same day, Marlene offered a muffin she had with her on the barbie lunch bag she used to take to school. James accepted and after that, the cliff became their secret spot. A few years later Peter got to know about it too, but he didn’t visit it a lot.
When Marlene got there, after passing through the familiar wood; she recognised the large back and dark curls her best friend had. She smiled softly and sat beside him, quietly. He didn’t say anything, so she respected his silence and decided to light the cigarette she had in her pocket.
“Do you want some?” she handed it to him after releasing the smoke that was trapped on her mouth.
He silently picked it up and took a drag, then exhaled before handing it back to Marlene.
“Are you going to tell me why you ran away from the room that way?”
Looking in the water, James took a deep breath before straightening his back.
“I’m pansexual,” he confessed in a rush.
Marlene wouldn’t say she wasn’t surprised, but it was still not clear the reason he got so angry? Was it Peter the person he liked? Maybe Kingsley? Sirius?
“Alright,” she started, “but there was no need to run away, half of our friends came out in that same room, everyone would support you. Everyone will support you.
“The problem is that I don’t want to be like this,” he said and Marlene felt her heart ache because she understands exactly how it feels, “I like a boy that I’m supposed to hate, someone I hated for years. I don’t want to like men. I don’t want to like him. I’m okay with everyone being queer besides me. I don’t want this. I hate these feelings.”
“Who is it?” she carefully questioned.
“Evan Rosier,” he breathed out and Marlene blinked.
Now, that was a surprise.
Evan Rosier was the boy that James hated since he was 12. They always fight over stupid things and provoke each other into fighting . Rosier broke James’ nose once when he was 14 and James made Evan vomit once with a kick on the stomach — so Marlene was confused. How could James fancy someone he always despised?
“You’re shocked,” he let a bitter laugh escape.
“I am,” she decided to be honest, “I’m not judging you, though. I was just confused as to why you stormed off and the answer caught me by surprise, just that.”
“What did you think?”
“I was just afraid it was Lily,” she decided to be honest because James would notice if she wasn’t.
“Why?” he turned to look at her, worried, “You don’t have a crush on me… do you?”
“Jesus, no!” she rushed to answer, “It wasn’t because I have a crush on you. It’s because… It’s because she wouldn’t stop staring at you the whole game.”
“What?”
“Lily. I want her to look at me .”
“But Lily is a girl,” he quietly laughed and Marlene swallowed her own saliva.
She was fiddling with the seam edge of her cardigan nervously. Mckinnon wasn't able to say it out loud, so she simply waited anxiously for James to understand.
“ Oh ,” he finally pronounced and Marlene could swear she felt actually sick, pale, like she would faint and fall from the cliff.
“Oh,” she repeated, trying not to cry.
“She’s not into me,” he said after a few moments of silence where they both just stared at the river.
“How’d you know that?”
“I just do. Trust me, me and Lily it’s something that is far from happening,” Marlene just nodded.
Strangely, she didn’t feel so anxious anymore. It was like a weight had fallen out of her back, like she could breathe better and be herself. Maybe not hiding who she really was wouldn’t be so bad.
“You’re the first person to know, by the way,” she started swinging her feet.
“Know what?”
“That i’m– that i’m a lesbian .”
It was the first time of her saying it out loud and right now, Marlene didn’t see this as a come out but an achievement to herself. She was able to say out loud that she was a lesbian. She didn’t say gay, she didn’t say queer, she didn’t say she liked girls, she said she was a lesbian because that’s what she is.
“You’re the first person to know i’m pan,” he informed and Mckinnon softly smiled at him.
“I’m glad.”
“I’m also glad.”
They stayed in silence for a while, watching the calm river move alongside their, now, calm heart beats. Marlene didn’t feel sick anymore, she felt peace installed inside her by knowing she could now be herself around her best friend and knowing that saying that she was a lezbia wasn’t as demoniac society made it look.
*****
[taylor swift & emma stone]
9:16 PM.
mars: you gotta stop changing the name of our chat
mars: also, do you know emma stone is naturally blonde right?
mars: you could’ve added rose bukater or whatever the hell you write that name
lils: you wrote it right
lils: and idc
lils: i love emma stone she’s a redhead icon to me
lils: in the deep bottom of my heart
mars:😐😐😐
mars: no words
lils: how’s james?
mars: he’s okay
mars: he was just stressed
lils: oh ok
lils: i was worried
lils: he doesn’t like me right
mars: he does not
lils: great, i was worried
lils: he’s an amazing guy i don’t want to hurt him again
mars: u dont like him??
lils: i do not
mars: do you
mars: like someone
mars: like maybe
lils: i do
lils: for a bit of a long time actually
Marlene put down her cell phone, not feeling able to answer. If she asked who she was, two answers were possible
- she would refuse to tell
- she’d tell and it wouldn’t be marlene
Thing is, it didn’t matter what option would happen, the answer would never be Marlene because Marlene is just Marlene while Lily is Lily . Lily is clever, she has beautiful red, wavy hair that falls perfectly on her big breasts; she has softly stretched shiny green eyes, big hips and fat thighs. Lily has English as her favourite subject because she’s a writer; she loves Taylor Swift and listens to it every single day. Lily loves Greek Mythology and her favourite god is Athena because of the powerful woman she was. Lily was everything while Marlene was nothing.
She was lucky enough to have Lily as her best friend, so asking for more would be too much. Or at least she thinks so.
Her phone buzzed once or twice, but Marlene wasn’t interested in it, she only rolled on the bed and reached the lamp on her white nightstand — her phone was charging next to the left side of her pillow so she made sure she was on the right so the noise wouldn’t be so loud next to her ear.
Trying to sleep wasn’t something easy for Marlene, it never was, but not it was harder because her mind was going back and forth about football and the competitions.
When she got home, she ran to see the lists of Beauxbatons just to get Dorcas Meadowes to be playing on their football team, meaning Marlene would have to see her — that was fucking her mind up. It's not that she hated Dorcas for running away like Marlene was going to contaminate her with her lesbianism but she wasn’t very pleased by her anymore either. Meadowes hurted her more than anyone else ever could and Marlene wouldn’t forgive her until she had an explanation.
******
Two weeks later.
Marlene was ready for the competitions. She was sure she’d beat the Beauxbatons team up alongside her classmates. They could lose in the total, but they had to win the football category; not just because it meant her school pride but because she had to beat up Dorcas’ ass as revenge. It’s been a whole academic year of them not seeing each other, a year of Marlene suffering and crawling on the floor, feeling betrayed, wondering how people can go from people you know to people you don’t so fast — the chance to see Dorcas’ face after Marlene wins the game it’s something she’d pay to see, she wanted to see her face once Marlene takes her honour away from her just like she took away her confidence, her pride.
They hadn't arrived yet, but Marlene was in the corridor of the changing rooms, walking around nervously. Her hair was back to the neutral blonde she had always had and maybe that wasn’t the best decision, but her hair needed a little bit of rest before jumping back to a new colour she had decided to be black.
Mckinnon was biting her nails when James walked out of the male changing room, looking just as nervous as her.
“Mars, hey,” he called and she stopped on her way, “are you ready?”
“More than ready,” Marlene replied, “just a bit anxious, though,” she added.
“Before we go. Me and Evan are basically dating,” James dropped the bomb.
“What?!” she almost screamed.
“Yes,” he had a wide smile dancing on his lips, “Don’t be loud about it though. I asked him what we were last night and he said anything that will last forever so I’m taking this as a we’re boyfriends”
“That’s amazing, James!” she laughed in disbelief, “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you,” he took a deep breath, “Now let’s focus.”
James grabbed her shoulders, massaging softly to give her a little bit of confidence. They nodded to each other before hugging.
“We will kill them.”
“We’ll kick their asses.”
It was happening. They were on field and Marlene had already spotted Dorcas a few times, but this wasn’t time to stare at her or think about how she sucked — this was about winning. Marlene was putting her soul and heart in that game and every time her team scored a point, she’d feel even more hungry for victory.
“Go, go,” she screamed when James was almost kicking the ball; however, someone came in and stole it from him, “FUCK,” she complained, not caring about the try not to swear advice she got from Frank Longbottom once.
That didn’t stop them, though. They were still winning by 2 points — Marlene was sure they would win. They had to win.
The first game ended 2-0. They had a brief 6 minute pause where Marlene drank water and tried to shoot Dorcas with her eyes. She looked alright, like she never had kissed Marlene, like she was never her best friend, like she never disappeared without saying anything — Marlene was angry.
The second part of the game was way more intense than the first one, the opposite team started scoring points and even took an advantage that only lasted 2 minutes before James kicked the ball in the right direction and strength. It was 5-4 now and it didn’t seem to be changing any time soon as the game was almost ending.
They were going to win. They were going to win. And they won.
When the referee's whistle was heard, the field stopped and the Hogwarts side began screaming as the beauxbaton players slowly retreated, trying to catch their normal breaths. Marlene jumped and yelled, in a hug with the team. They fucking won.
As everyone was leaving and the players were heading back to the locker rooms, Marlene felt a tap on her shoulder and she turned around only to see Dorcas in her Beauxbatons uniform, sweating, with a blue bottle in her right hand.
“Can we talk?”
*****
Marlene didn't know if being under the benches on her school's field, facing Dorcas was the best option, but she promised an explanation and Marlene was there to listen — and she did.
“… and then when you kissed me I just panicked.”
“So let me see if I got this right; you liked me but you were struggling with the fact you like girls so when I kissed you, you ran away because you were denying your identity?”
“Yes.”
“You blocked me everywhere and changed schools!”
“I was scared!”
“And it didn’t cross your mind to reach me once you sorted yourself out?”
She was quiet for a while. That’s what Marlene thought. She wouldn’t be panicking for more than a year — she didn’t reach out because she didn’t want to.
“I was scared you would hate me.”
“Maybe if you reached me out you would know.”
Meadowes looked to the floor and Mckinnon wondered if she was ashamed, if she was really sorry or if she was just wondering what more bullshit she’d tell Marlene to convince she was innocent.
“Look, I’m not asking for forgiveness,” she started, “I know I messed up, but when I figured myself out I was scared you wouldn’t want to hear me but today… when I saw you looking at me I thought fuck it . If you hate me, you have a reason for it. But you can’t demonise me. I was going through a rough time understanding my feelings and back there I just ran away because that’s what I was doing, about being a lesbian, I was running away from it. I liked you but I didn’t like liking you ,” Marlene was hearing everything quietly, “You were unlucky you caught my parents at a time they were wondering if changing cities would be a great idea. I came home, asked to go to Beauxbatons and they decided that the definitive answer was moving houses. This is all I have to back me up on this situation. I messed up and I am sorry, Mars.”
There was a moment of a deep, horrific silence between the two girls. Marlene’s anger was slowly fading away because she understood Dorcas — breaking her heart wasn’t the answer, but she knows how hard accepting you don’t like boys can be; she’s still accepting that herself.
“I understand you,” she said, “I don’t hate you — at least not now. You messed up, yes. You broke my heart, yes; but I understand how it feels so I do not demonise you.”
Dorcas smiled.
“Seriously?” Marlene hummed with a soft smile, “Fucking Christ. Can I hug you?”
Marlene rolled her eyes with a grin.
“You can.”
That was enough for the black girl to pull the pale skinned one to a tight hug. They were sweaty but it was a sincere, good hug. They were best friends and then they became two confused girls who liked each other — it had everything to end up completely wrong like it did. However, they have sorted things out and Marlene was hoping this meant they’d try to be friends now.
They kept talking for hours; updating each other on their lives. Dorcas was dating a girl named Pandora Lovegood, she’s apparently from a different class but a boy she met there introduced them and they started a friendship that developed really fast to something else. Marlene also told her about Lily.
“I think you should talk to her,” she advised.
“It’s easy to talk,” Mckinnon sighed.
“I’m serious. There’s nothing better than my advices,” they both laughed while Marlene rolled her eyes, “Dialogue it’s always the best solution.”
“But what if…” she played with the grass below her body, “what if she doesn’t like me?”
“You know she’s into girls.”
“Girls don't equal me .”
“I mean– yeah. You have a point, but it’s still a win.”
“I’m scared of losing her. If she says she doesn’t like me, our friendship is most likely to start feeling weird.”
“James liked her, didn’t he?” it wasn’t a question.
“That’s different,” she sighed, looking at the moon.
“How so?”
“James isn’t into her anymore. I am,” she said the obvious.
“But maybe with knowing that she’s not into you,” her heart aches, “- it’ll be easier for you to move on.”
“And what if I don’t want to move on?” she questions, turning her head to look at the dark-skinned girl who had a pity look on her face.
“Then I’m not quite sure how I can help you,” Marlene sighed.
“It’s okay,” she said, getting up, “I’ll just be suffering until a miracle falls under me and I wake up with Lily Evans out of my brain.
Dorcas laughed, getting up with Marlene’s help. They look at each other for a while, with warm smiles — it was good to have a talk with Dorcas like they were best friends again, this time without the romantic feelings part. They got along pretty well and Meadowes was a person very easy to talk to because she always tries her best to understand you.
“Are we good again?” Marlene asked.
“We are,” Dorcas confirmed.
******
Knowing that Lily was bisexual one of the worst things to ever happen to Marlene because now she has been paying the double of attention to the girl for the last couple days but also drifting away because she was sure she was going to get herself hurted. How could she know if the person Lily liked was her? Would Lily answer if she just asked straight away who it was or should she ask the gender first? What does a woman who likes women do around the girl they’re into?
Marlene was really confused. Lily has always been a very touchy person so the hugs and hand holding surely didn’t mean anything to her and she had no idea how fast Marlene’s heart raced whenever that happened. She just wanted to be hers.
“Are you okay?” Miles asked during the car ride home.
“ Huh? Yeah, I’m alright. Why'd you ask?”
“You seem a bit off today.”
“Boring day.”
Look, it wasn’t a total lie — it was, indeed, a boring day. However, the Lily situation was also stressful enough to make her annoyed for the rest of her life. She just wanted to understand if Lily was into her or not. That’s all she’s asking.
She surely doesn’t want to destroy the friendship, but she’s also desperate for answers. She’d give in everything right on the spot if Evans promised her answers — it doesn’t matter if she was going to get heartbroken now, she’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all, than knowing nothing at all.
When she got home, Maverick tried to start a fight about how it was unfair that the football team won but the rugby team lost, but she ignored him because she didn’t want to talk to anyone. Miles said she was probably on her period and that just annoyed her more to the point she locked her room and threw herself onto the bed, taking off her phone to text James.
[scooby doo and velma]
8:03 PM.
mars: kill me rn
jay: wow calm down
mars: how did you stop liking lily
mars: HOW COULD YOU actually like who tf gets over lily mf evans
jay: she didn’t like me back. what did you expect me to do?
mars: nothing bc then i’d have less chances than i already have
jay: you dont know if she doesn’t like you
jay: dont consider it a loss before even playing the game
mars: go finger yourself with that shitty poetry
jay: it’s not shitty!!
mars: HELP. ME.
jay: i have an idea.
mars: spill
jay: monday she’s gonna be at the library studying right? we can always trap you both inside on purpose?
mars: you’re so stupid.
jay: im trying my best???
mars: i can’t wait to see your lowest
mars: alright yk what
mars: imma ask her rn
mars: who does she fancy
jay: YES GO GIRL
[taylor swift & emma stone]
8:13 PM.
mars: who do you have a crush on
lily: excuse me?
mars: is it a girl or a boy?
lily: a girl
lily: why?
mars: nothing
mars: who tho
lily: i cant tell you 😕
mars: i won’t tell anyone
lily: i’ll talk to you at school tomorrow alright
mars: fine
[scooby doo and velma]
8:20PM
mars: [Image Attached]
mars: why did i ask
mars: god i don’t really wanna know
mars: i just fucked up our friendship didn’t i
mars: jesus im so dumb
mars: im gonna kms
mars: she’s gonna tell me who she fancies and it’ll def not be me and i’m gonna be so awkward
mars: i hate this
jay: hey calm down
jay: you didn’t fucked up anything mars
jay: im sure everything will be alright
mars: whatever
mars: im gonna idk listen to taylor swift again bc i know she loves it
jay: oh you’re down bad
***
Lily didn’t talk to her. In reality, she just ran away for most of the time they spent in school.
Marlene tried to call her, but she’d just keep walking without looking back — she wondered what she did that was so wrong to make Lily simply cut her off like that.
Maybe she found out. Maybe she knew Marlene was a lesbian and liked her and now was running away — but why would she? She’s bisexual, she wouldn’t be homophobic towards Marlene; or at least she hoped so.
Her mind was going wild and the day was spent most of the time in a sad mood. Peter tried to cheer her up, because he didn’t know what was happening, but nothing. At the end of the day, she just looked to the floor and heard Peter and James excitedly talk about subjects she wasn’t interested in.
Everything was a disaster. Lily was in the dancing category of the competitions and it was tomorrow — Marlene even thought that it could be the nervousness for the competitions; however, she was the only person Lily ignored throughout the day, so the problem was definitely her , not anything else.
Marlene certainly did something to destroy the friendship from one day to another; she didn’t know what, or why, because she seemed alright in the messages but she was aware she destroyed it. Once again.
Maybe it was a curse, because the two people Marlene liked, both ran away from her without saying anything. Even if Dorcas justified herself, even if they were friends now, she had still run away — Marlene caused her to run away. She just hoped Lily would still be in the same school, differently from Dorcas.
[Marlene & Dorcas]
mars: im so sad
mars: lily ignored me ALL DAY
mars: why does this keep happening
cas: what
cas: why would she ignore you?
cas: im sorry lene :(
mars: im sick of making ppl run away
cas: u don’t make ppl run away
mars: you did
cas: for MY reasons
cas: it wasn’t your fault
mars: i called her name like 5 times and she just walked faster than she was walking before
mars: idk what i did or what i said
mars: maybe she found out i’m into her but no one knows besides you and james and james wouldn’t tell a soul
cas: maybe she was ignoring YOU
mars: she talked to everyone but me.
cas: :(
cas: look, maybe you should force her to face you
cas: im sure she has her reasons but she can’t just ignore u like that
cas: tomorrow. try it tomorrow
mars: she has the competitions
cas: talk to her before the competitions
mars: i’ll try
cas: good luck 🫰🍀
mars: 💜
******
Lily was beautiful. She had the dancing outfit on, something simple but that fell perfectly with her red hair tied in a high ponytail. Her makeup was soft, like everything about her; still, simple like she was, she was still the spotlight. It was impossible not to notice Lily when she was around, it was like she had some time of magnitude that pulled you towards her — or maybe that only happened with Marlene.
The way she loved Lily was pure — probably the purest love she’d ever known. She’d worship Lily for the longest of times, she could stare at her like she was a statue in an expensive museum, a beautiful piece of art. She could kiss every freckle on her face, every stretch mark on her body. She’d do anything for Lily and sometimes she couldn’t understand how people could not feel that way for her; because in her eyes, everyone who Lily looked at would fall in love with her.
Marlene had to take a lot of deep breaths before walking up to her, touching her shoulder. Lily turned around, looking scared as she recognised who was calling her.
“I think we have to talk.”
“The competition is almost starting,” she tried to escape, but Marlene wasn’t going to wait.
“You still have 25 minutes,” she informed, “it’s more than enough,” added.
Lily sighed, getting her lips wet before looking at the floor for brief seconds.
“Alright,” she made herself heard, “come here.”
Lily grabbed Marlene’s arm, pushing her to the outside of the dressing rooms. She was nervous — of course she was; but she wouldn’t show that. Right now, Marlene had to put her most strong self to be shown.
“I know why you came,” Evans stated, “and I want to tell you that I’m sorry,” a sigh ran out of her mouth.
“I don’t want sorry’s, I want an explanation. You can’t just cut me off like that!”
“I didn’t cut you off.”
“It looked like you did.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologising, Christ. I just want to understand why the hell you ignored me after saying we would have a talk the next day?! What? You decided it wasn’t worth your time? Did you randomly decide you don’t want me in your life?”
“What?! Of course not! Stop thinking I’m trying to cut you off my life when that’s not true. It was one day.”
“It doesn’t matter. You talked to everyone except me; how do you think I feel? You're supposed to be my best friend.”
Something on Lily’s face changed and she gave Marlene a bittersweet laugh.
“You think I’m Dorcas, don’t you? You think I’ll randomly block you and stop talking to you without a reason.”
“I’m afraid you do, yes,” she decided to be honest, “and I’m friends with Dorcas again, she justified herself. You’d know if you talked to me yesterday.”
“I won’t do that. I had my reasons to not talk to you.”
“What were they?”
Lily was nervous. It was clear she was anxious, moving her body back and forth, looking everywhere, playing with the edge of her hair, then her shirt. Marlene wanted to understand why.
“I–” she tried, but sighed, “I can’t tell you about the girl I like,” Lily finally said, looking to the floor right after.
Mckinnon was confused.
“Why?!”
“That’d ruin our friendship and I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Why the fuck would you lose me?”
For a few seconds, she hoped Lily would make a speech about how she’s in love with her, but that was asking too much, too far from Marlene’s reality.
“Lily?” she called, because Lily was pure silence, “Look at me,” she asked and the girl lifted her head, “Why would you lose me?”
“Because you’re the girl I like,” she confessed, looking away almost immediately.
Marlene’s world stopped. She didn’t know what to answer because she couldn’t think, she couldn’t feel. All her body was cold and butterflies were making a party inside her stomach, making her feel like throwing up. However, she was quite observant on Lily’s face — she looked nervous, then looked away with a pout, controlling the tears she definitely wanted to release.
“I’m sorry,” she wiped an disobedient tear off and when Marlene didn’t answer, she started walking away to run from the situation.
“No, wait,” Marlene begged, holding her arm. Lily didn’t fight back.
“I’m sorry,” Evans repeated, “I know you’re probably uncomfortable with this and I don’t want our friendship to be ruined by this. I tried to fight it, I swear I did. I understand if you want to sto—”
Lily never got the chance to finish because Marlene was kissing her the second after. Marlene could have sworn fireworks were exploding in the sky the second her lips touched Lily's — or maybe it was the heart inside her chest that was beating faster than usual. Marlene's grip on Lily's arm gave way as the girl raised her hands to touch Marlene's face. The two smiled in the middle of the lip touching that slowly turned into a tongue kiss. Mckinnon knew maybe it was best to wait for her to finish talking, but why would she waste time listening to unrealistic nonsense when she could give the clearest signal that the feeling was mutual?
The blonde intertwining with the red on a ponytail, the wine red lipstick mixing with the pink gloss, the cold fingers tangling with the warm ones, hearts beating at the same time while one girl touched the other’s right cheek, feeling the cold face on her hand. Everything about that scene was beautifully poetic — even the poor lightning, making them the spotlight.
“Mars,” Lily whispered against the kiss, but Marlene didn’t stop, she couldn’t stop, “Mars” she quietly laughed and stepped back, “the competition.”
Lily had her lips with mixed colours and so did Marlene’s, but they were both too happy to notice.
“What time is it?”
“Almost 7:15,” she said after looking at the clock on her wrist.
“Can you take that with you?” Marlene asked.
“No. I’ll take it off before going on stage,” she said.
“Right.”
“Go see me dancing but come back here and wait for me,” she asked.
“Anything you want,” she smiled before stealing a kiss from Lily, who giggled.
“Bye,” she said.
“See you later.”
******
Watching Lily dance was one of the most beautiful things Marlene has ever watched. Her body moved slowly, something sensual and poetic. Marlene thinks that’s the better word to describe Lily in general, poetic . She danced in a way that wasn’t too exaggerated but also not simple, something that you know no one can copy or try to change — it looks like she was born to be on stage, because her body was moving freely, natural and comfortable. All the other people on the team looked like they had rehearsed the steps, but Lily didn’t. She looked like her body was made for dancing, like she didn’t need to decorate the choreography to know step by step.
The messed up gloss wasn’t noticeable on Lily while she was on stage, however, Marlene seemed to have a troubled luck.
“So, were you eating cheetos too?” James mockingly asked while the competition was happening.
“Excuse me?” Marlene forced herself to focus on James.
“I bumped onto Lily before she went on stage,” dammit, “Her lipstick was smeared and she said she ate cheetos and didn't have time to retouch. You have the exact same smudged colors in your mouth, so I was wondering if you've eaten cheetos with her...or if you are the cheetos.”
Marlene tried to hold back a smile, but she ended up giggling.
“I might be the cheetos, yeah,” she happily confessed and James grinned, slightly punching her arm.
“I’m happy for you,” he stated.
“Thank you. I’m happy for you and Evan too,” they shared a smile, “talking about him, do you know when you guys will openly be dating? Like, tell people.”
“He said he’s gonna tell his friends tonight. I’m planning how to tell our friends, especially Sirius. I mean, he’s not gonna react badly, he’s with Remus.”
“Remus?” she asked, “They’re gay?” James nodded, “They’re dating?” James nodded again with a smile, “Jesus, are you telling me all of our friends are queer?” they laughed, “I’m serious.”
“Yes, basically all of our friends are queer.”
“I think i’m going to come out soon,” she warned, “Kissing Lily was the most magical thing i’ve ever experienced, I felt so confident and comfortable. I feel so happy,” she vented.
“Come out whenever you feel like it. No pressure.”
“Yeah,” she smiled at him.
Lily’s team lost. That was a bad thing and Lily didn’t seem very happy when she sneaked behind the dressing rooms to meet Marlene — now with her hair free and casual clothes with no makeup on. She smiled softly, but Marlene knew her.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “But look, our school had already lost anyway, it wasn’t your fault.”
Football and acting were the only categories where Hogwarts won. That was upsetting, but they had won for 3 years consecutively, maybe this year was time for a little loss.
“I know, I just put my soul on that dance,” she sighed, getting between Marlene’s legs.
Marlene was sitting on a small wall, touching Lily’s exposed thighs and throwing her head slightly back when the girl touched her face. They smiled softly at each other.
“I like your wolf cut,” Lily complimented.
“I like you,” she replied and Evans stole her a kiss, breaking it with a laugh right after, “No, but seriously,” she started, “Everyone could see and feel you were putting your soul on the choreography. You were the spotlight, I love to see you dancing.”
Lily blushed, throwing a shy smile at Marlene, who replied with a smirk.
“I like to see you in general, doesn’t matter what you’re doing,” Mckinnon confessed.
“I didn’t know you liked girls,” she changed the subject.
“James is the only one who knows yet,” she said, “came out as a lesbian a little while a go to him, after the truth or dare game.”
“A lot of us came out that day, didn’t we?”
“Apparently.”
“Want to walk me home?” Evans asked, tilting her head.
“I’d be glad to.”
Lily took a few steps back, away from Marlene's touch and dodged so the girl could jump off the wall. Soon after, Marlene stole another kiss and Lily smiled, showing that she wasn’t annoyed by that.
They held hands while walking, talking about silly things until Lily asked about Marlene’s feelings.
“I don’t know,” she replied, “I liked Dorcas, and when we kissed she ran away so I think that falling for you was something so natural, I didn’t notice until I was all on the floor,” they shared a soft laugh, “I just can’t explain how I feel about you. It’s like you’re the oxygen I breathe, you know? Sometimes I wonder how many people are in love with you right now, because It’s impossible not to love you.”
“Well, if there’s anyone else in love with me, too bad for them,” Lily swinged their hands one last time before stopping, “i’m totally, 100% forever yours,” she stated, holding the other hand to rest her chin on Marlene’s chin, giving her a little kiss.
Marlene smiled.
“Good to know.”
“Can you pick me up tomorrow?”
She pretended to think.
“Maybe,” Lily started blinking a lot of times until Mckinnon chuckled and held her cheek, “Alright, I will.”
Lily automatically smiled before pulling Marlene’s face onto hers, kissing her. This kiss was different from the last one, now it was calm, like they both knew that they weren’t going anywhere by the time it ended, like they both knew they were safe, like they were written down on the skies to be together.
“Goodnight,” Lily whispered.
“Night,” Marlene whispered back.
Then, Lily pulled away, stealing one last kiss before running towards her door, waving to Marlene when she turned her body to watch her, now, girlfriend. Marlene waved back, feeling her heart warming up.
When she saw the door close, the feeling didn’t fade away. She was happy and glad she got it all figured out, happy that she was Lily’s and Lily was hers, happy to share a beating heart with her.