Runs In The Family
Keiko looked around in the almost bare RC she had just been assigned. “Uh, this place looks quite abandoned.”
Corolla flew between her and Nikki, going straight for the console. “Yeah, it looks like it wasn’t assigned to anyone else since we used it, which was twenty-two years ago.” The Unison Device tapped on the console. “Wow, it still works. It needs a paper refill and new ink cartridges for the printer, but it will do for now.”
“And we’ll get you some furniture,” Nikki added. “You’re working part-time, but a sofa and some shelves to keep stuff can still be useful.”
“Speaking of buying stuff... Mom, are you sure it was a good idea to leave Dad alone?”
Nikki laughed. “He’s not going to torch the Marquis, don’t worry. Besides, he said he was off getting something for you... he wouldn’t use that as an excuse.”
There was a light, hesitant knock on the door. Nikki opened it, and found a very tall blond man and a brown-haired, freckled girl around Keiko’s age standing outside. “Hi. You must be... Alex? Or Aviator? Sorry, still can’t tell who’s who. I guess one of you is Keiko’s new partner…?”
“Take a wild guess which one I am,” the man said dryly in a thick Irish accent. “Anyway, the lucky partner would be this young lady.” The Aviator gave the girl standing beside him a small push, and she reluctantly stepped through the door. “She’s in a spot of trouble with everyone right now and the Flowers saw fit to give her a mission as punishment.” His lips thinned.
The girl crossed her arms uncomfortably and looked away, scuffing a foot on the floor.
“So…” The Aviator sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “There’ll probably be a mission coming in soon. I’ll leave you to get acquainted. Elanor, behave yourself.”
“Yes, mum,” Elanor muttered sullenly.
The Aviator raised a hand in farewell and disappeared down the corridor.
Elanor looked up briefly, met Keiko’s eyes, and quickly looked away.
“Uh, hi?” Keiko said uncertainly. “ I’m Keiko, Keiko Turbo. Pleased to meet you.”
Elanor looked up again, shifting her weight uncomfortably from foot to foot. “Elanorelisindrivar,” she said reluctantly. “Um… nice to meet you, too.”
Keiko raised an eyebrow. “Uhm, sorry about having to ask... The name is Elanore, and Lisan… Lisindrivar the surname?”
“No,” Elanor sighed, sounding like she was used to the question. “Elanorelisindrivar. One name. You can call me Elanor, though. Most everyone does.” She glanced at Nikki and then back at Keiko. “Turbo, huh? Like the Blank Sprite agents?”
“Apparently, that’s my parents. Mom here is Nikki Cherryflower, and my dad... well, as my surname says, he’s Sergio Turbo. Just learned they were PPC Agents today, though.” Keiko said, giving a quick accusatory glance to her mother. “Oh, and working somewhere inside that console is Auntie Corolla, but maybe you already know her. I wouldn’t be surprised.”
Elanor’s eyes lit up. “You call her Auntie Corolla too?”
Corolla chose that moment to peek out of the machine. “Did I miss something? Oh, hi Ellie. Are you Kei’s partner?”
Elanor’s eyes widened and she took a half-step back. “N-no, just, um, kind of, sort of? Maybe? Not really though, just for one mission and then holiday will be over, you know how it is, right?”
Corolla squinted at Elanor. “Hmm, that’s not exactly the kind of pastime I expected from you... I smell trouble?”
Elanor looked uncertainly at Keiko and Nikki. “Nnno? No trouble here.”
The Unison Device smiled smugly. “Something about that Kuvan boy?”
Elanor’s eyes went huge. “W-what did you hear about that?”
Luckily for her, the door of the RC opened after a couple of knocks. Sergio entered the room carrying a small case. “Hi. You must be Keiko’s partner?”
“Um, not exactly,” Elanor said, feeling sweat beginning to appear on the palms of her hands, and she wiped them off on the hem of her pink sweatshirt. “Just for one mission and then I’ll be going back to the Academy.”
“Oh, I see. Well, Keiko’s working part-time, too,” Sergio said before handing the case to Keiko. “Here. Congratulations on getting your first job. I didn’t expect to be buying this... but, then again, I didn’t expect this to be your job.”
“Thanks, Dad!” Keiko said, giving him a hug before opening the case. “...It’s a gun.”
“Well, killing badfics isn’t exactly a safe job. It’s a Beretta APX — nine millimeter, double action, seventeen rounds in the clip.”
Keiko facepalmed. “I’m a magical girl, Dad.”
Her father shrugged. “And so? Homura Akemi is one, your aunt Kuroko is one, and yet they both use guns. Will keep you alive if you run out of mana.”
“And, er,” Elanor spoke up, “your particular kind of magic might not fit certain continua. Um, maybe. I don’t know what kind you use.” Her cheeks pinked slightly. “Sorry.”
“Oh, no, yours was a very good point,” Sergio agreed. “Miss... I don’t think I’ve got your name?”
“She’s Elanorelisindrivar. Aviator and Librarian’s daughter,” Corolla said helpfully, “and yes, it’s a small multiverse after all.”
“Aviator... You mean Rina?” Sergio asked. “Oh.”
Elanor looked down and nodded, uncomfortable with the reminder. “Yeah, that’s me,” she said quietly.
“Okay, the console is good to go!” Corolla said after slamming shut the last panel. Nikki wondered if she had done that deliberately to stop Sergio from further embarrassing the two girls.
“Time for us to go, then,” Nikki said before giving her daughter a high five. “Do your best! Oh, right, I was forgetting.” Nikki handed Keiko a small backpack. “This can be useful. I also put in some spare clothes.”
“Thank you, Mom, I needed them. Had a couple run-ins with a river.”
Nikki laughed. “I guessed that from the fact you were still transformed.”
“See you at dinner, then. I’m making lasagne today, so don’t be late!” Sergio said before walking into a portal.
Keiko sighed. “I don’t think I have a choice in that.”
Nikki shook her head as she walked towards the portal. “Don’t worry, I don’t think you’ll get a mission that long. You know, the Flowers don’t like to risk getting torched.”
After the portal closed, Corolla gave a quick nod of satisfaction. “Portal generator is running like a charm. The disguise generator is still a bit messed up — I blame Nanoha Takamichi for that — so I guess you two should use a D.O.R.K.S. instead.”
“We’ll be fine, Auntie Corolla,” Elanor said quickly. “Promise.”
“You know, Elanor, you calling Corolla ‘auntie’ too actually feels a bit weird,” Keiko said, raising an eyebrow.
“Well, technically I’m not blood related to either of you,” Corolla explained, “but, yeah, I think I’m closer to an actual aunt for Kei. I had to pose as Nikki’s younger sister for a bit, as they wanted to keep their weird past a secret. Worked very well, huh?” She shook her head. “Still, you’re both my nieces, and I’m very happy that you’re getting to know each other!”
“Auntie, you know that what you said is basically relegating Elanor to second-tier niece?”
Corolla blinked a couple of times. “It is?”
The two girls nodded in an amazing show of perfect synchronization.
“Whoopsie. Well, I’ll be going, if you need me you know where to find me so bye!” As she said that, Corolla flew out of the room, likely breaking HQ’s indoor flying speed limit in the meanwhile.
Elanor sighed and turned to Keiko. “So…” She cleared her throat. “Er. How…’s life?”
“I just got hired by sentient telepathic flowers to kill badfics, turns out my parents were PPC Agents when until a couple years ago I thought they were just a racecar driver and a café owner, and in my first mission I got possessed by a Sue Wraith, drenched, disguised as a French maid and then drenched again. So, I’d say weird.” Keiko looked at the small backpack. “In fact, if you don’t mind, I want to go change my clothes. I don’t want to have to stay transformed all day.”
Elanor just nodded like this was completely normal. “Sure, go ahead.”
***
When Keiko emerged from the bathroom, she was wearing a black jacket over a T-shirt and a rather plain pair of jeans.
Elanor looked up from her tablet, where she’d been furiously typing away at something. “You look warmer.”
Keiko sighed. “Unfortunately, I didn’t get to decide my magical girl outfit. But I heard there was this girl who got a swimsuit as an outfit, so a short dress with detached sleeves isn’t that bad.”
Elanor made a face. “That sounds terrible. Glad it’s not me.”
Keiko readjusted her jacket. “Hm, Mom brought this but I’m pretty sure it isn’t mine. It’s a bit too big, too. Well, it’s warm, so I guess it’s OK.”
“Mm.” Elanor didn’t seem inclined to say much else, instead returning her attention to her tablet.
Of course, it was at that moment the console decided to make itself heard.
“Ugh, forgot to ask Auntie if the volume of these things can be turned down,” Keiko complained as she ran over and looked for a way to shut it down. She found the red “accept mission” button and slammed it, causing the BEEPing to cease.
“They can, actually,” Elanor said, coming over to stand by Keiko. “My Uncle Alex showed me how; maybe I can take a look at yours… er, never mind. I’m not going to be staying long.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure Auntie will. So, let’s see... Elanor, did you read Twilight? This is a crossover between that and Harry Potter. I read the latter, but I heard bad stories about the former.”
“I read it a few years back,” Elanor said, shrugging. “Mum said he wanted me to know the difference between ‘good literature’ and ‘garbage’ but didn’t think I was old enough for Fifty Shades yet.”
“I see. Well, apparently this is in first person, so I’m throwing in a dummy.” Keiko said as she rifled through the assorted devices Corolla had given her. The girl actually found two of them — one labelled “Me” and the other labelled “You”.
Elanor tilted her head. “You use crash dummies?”
“Of course I do,” Keiko answered. “I’ve been possessed by a Sue-Wraith five minutes into my first mission. I don’t want to go through that again.”
Elanor’s eyebrows went up. “Seriously? My mum’s been an agent for ages and that’s never happened to him.” She paused. “Well, not from first person, that is.”
“I guess that my name meaning “lucky child” isn’t accurate at all. I should have a word with Mom and Dad about it,” Keiko deadpanned, her arms crossed. The girl put all the other devices in the backpack and opened the portal. “So, let’s see which one it is... The one with ‘me’, I think?”
“Yeah, ‘you’ is for second person,” Elanor said. She looked around. “Er, don’t we need weapons?”
“...Probably? Let’s check... Oh, fantastic, the intelligence report says we have a werewolf Sue.”
“Fun. D’you have a Muggle-use wand or should I run home and grab one?”
Keiko shook her head. “I’ve got only my water powers and the gun Dad gave me, so please do.”
Elanor reached into her pockets, remembered her remote activator had been confiscated, and instead used the console’s portal generator. A silver-maned Luxray lifted his head blearily when she darted to the weapons rack and snagged a wand, but she was gone by the time he was properly awake.
“Right then,” Elanor said, tucking the wand into her belt. “Ready. And before you ask, yes, I know how to use this.”
“That’s good.” Keiko said as she finished strapping on her pistol’s thigh holster. “I hope I won’t have to use this.” The girl then looked at the two crash dummies, shrugged and threw them both in the portal. “Better be safe than sorry.”
“I just said—” Elanor facepalmed. “I have no idea what that’s going to do and if you end up getting possessed again it’s not my fault.”
Keiko walked through the portal first, and found herself in the pre-fic space. Near her, the ‘you’ crash dummy was on the ground, deflated. Keiko picked it up and threw it back through the portal, narrowly missing Elanor as she walked in.
The young Time Lord sidestepped the dummy before it could hit her in the face. “You really like throwing stuff, don’t you?” she commented.
“Spend a couple years of your life being thrown around by monsters-of-the-week, and it will feel normal to you,” Keiko rebutted.
Elanor opened her mouth to retort, but then the summary boomed around them, drowning out whatever she was going to say.
Bella is really Bella Lupin, daughter of Remus and Tonks, Harry's best friend and the other chosen one. What will life be like for her when she returns to hogwarts?
The summary had barely finished before the voice went straight into the author’s note.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Harry potter, that would be Stephanie Mayer and J.K Rowling.
Set after Edward has left in Twilight and part way through Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
“...Okay, there should not be this much wrong with the summary alone,” Elanor said, frowning as she gathered up the mini-Sparklewolf.
“Bella Swan, now Bella Lupin, what is she? A walking zoo?” Keiko deadpanned while the other dummy took the shape of Bella.
“Never mind that — do these people not pay attention to timelines?” Elanor could feel a headache coming on and she rubbed her temples, grimacing. “If Bella is supposed to be Harry’s age and Lupin and Tonks’ daughter, do you know how old Tonks would have to have been? Seven! And that’s ignoring the fact that Twilight takes place in 2007, not 1995! I mean—” The headache began to build and she was soon doubled over, moaning as her brain tried to compromise the conflicting timelines. “Owowowow! Ow! Suebuprofen, ow!”
Keiko started rifling through her backpack. “I think Auntie gave me some something... Uh, I’ve got a Bleepto-Dismal flask, is it good?”
Elanor was now curled up on the ground, clutching at her head. “N-no, no aspirin!”
Keiko kept going through her backpack content in panic, but there was nothing useful inside. “What do I do, what do I do, what do I do...?” The girl then tapped on her wristphone in panic.
“Auntie, Elanor is ill, she needs some Suebusomething, where I can get it?” Keiko screamed as soon as Corolla answered the call.
[Suebuwhat? Oh, Suebuprofen. I think I have some around — hold on a sec.]
“Auntie Corolla, help!” Elanor yelled.
[...Here it is! Auntie Corolla to the rescue!]
A small portal opened near Elanor, dropping a small box of pills and a bottle of water near her. Elanor ignored the water completely, instead dumping several Suebuprofen straight into her mouth and gulping it down. She shuddered and rolled over so she was lying on her back, staring up at Keiko. “I don’t know how mum and dad do it,” she groaned.
[They hardened over time. I remember that the first mission I took with them had some mashed-up timelines too, and they weren’t that better off compared to you. Are you feeling better now?]
“Yes, thank you.” Elanor covered her face with her hands. “Can I go home now? I promise I won’t do it again, not after that.”
[I’m afraid you can’t, Ellie. But, if you need anything else, just give me a call. Your friendly neighborhood Unison Ex Machina Device will provide!]
“Great,” Elanor said to Keiko when the call ended. “Just great. What a way to start things off.”
Keiko offered her a hand to get up. “I guess I got lucky compared to you — what happened, exactly?”
Elanor took the offered hand and stood, brushing herself down. “The timelines not matching up — I can still feel it at the back of my mind, but the Suebuprofen really helped. Wow. Never felt anything like it before.”
“You can feel time? Wow, that’s amazing. Well, when it doesn’t cause pain, I guess.”
“Eh, kind of. You don’t really notice it, especially growing up in HQ. My time sense is a bit messed up from it.” Elanor scratched the back of her neck, looking awkward. “Aaanyway… mission? I think the story’s about to start.”
“Sure.” Keiko said as she started looking for where Bella had gone. While she was still in sight (also thanks to the fact that the pre-fic space hadn’t yet become a definite place), she was luckily far enough to not have noticed the other two girls and was busy writing a letter.
Dear Professor Dumbledore,
The Cullens have left. Edward told me I'm not good enough for him and its to dangerous in his world for me! He should try living in our world! I'm actually writing to ask if I can return for 5th year at Hogwarts. I think it is less dangerous to be with my family and friends than to practically be alone. They will find me in no time now that the vampires aren't here to make my magical aura undetectable. I miss you all, please hurry with your reply. (You know how impatient I get)
Hope to see you soon
Isabella Lily Alice Lupin
“...What the actual heck?” Keiko blurted out after reading the letter’s content through the Words.
“Do we even need to write down these charges?” Elanor asked, rolling her eyes. “This is just too easy.”
“Yeah. Special enough to write to Dumbledore directly, feeling like she has the right to come and go from Hogwarts, that magical aura makes no sense to me... uh, do you feel like being watched too?”
Elanor looked around briefly and shrugged. “Eh, maybe? Anyway, Bella was seventeen during New Moon, so she has no business being in fifth year — oh, look, a POV!”
Indeed, Bella’s POV was snuffling around the forest floor, looking rather lost. Elanor went over to it and braced her shoulder against its side. “Keiko, get a portal open, will you?”
“To where?” Keiko asked, mildly confused.
“I dunno, but I think these things go to the Mini Adoption Agency,” Elanor said, still pushing. The POV just turned its head toward her and blinked slowly.
Keiko looked into the Remote Activator’s quick dial list until she found the relevant coordinates, and opened a portal to the Mini Adoption Agency. Elanor dug her feet into the ground and gave the POV a good shove; it blinked again before finally lumbering through the portal. Before Keiko could fully close the portal, crashing noises could be heard through it.
“...Maybe you should have pushed the POV more gently?” Keiko suggested.
“I was pushing it as hard as I could and it wasn’t moving,” Elanor said, wiping her hands on her sweatshirt. She looked around at Bella, who had finished writing her letter.
'Dragon' I shouted into the forest. A minute later my black and gold owl landed on the window frame. 'Take this to Dumbledore and don't leave until you get a reply'
“That owl feels pretty off to me,” Keiko said, “and the name is stupid. Do you think it counts as a Sue, too?”
Elanor shrugged. “Maybe it’s a Cute Animal Friend? I mean, my mum used to have a replacement of Hedwig that barked. That black and gold owl isn’t doing anything but making the Sue look cool.”
“An owl that... barked? That’s... interesting.”
Elanor shrugged. “Not really. Though I was kind of surprised to learn they normally hooted.”
I bet your thinking WTH!
“Pretty much,” Elanor said. “Though ‘WTF’ is more accurate…”
Well I'm not really the muggle Isabella Marie Swan. I'm Isabella Lily Alice Lupin, a witch and the daughter of Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin (Moony from the Marauders)
“Thank you for the infodump, I know who Lupin was,” Keiko said annoyedly. “Also, replacement Sue confirmed without even using the CAD.”
I'm named after my dads great(not sure how many times) grandmother, and Lily(Harry Potters mum) and Alice(Neville Longbottoms mum)after my mothers 2 best friends.
“Okay, why was she named after Lily and Alice?” Elanor said, facepalming.
“I don’t know, but we’ll need to call in some carpenters for that poor fourth wall,” Keiko deadpanned.
“And it just keeps getting worse,” Elanor said, rubbing her eyes and peering at the Words.
My 3 best friends are Hermione Granger, Ron Weasly and Harry Potter (James and Lilly Potter's son. James was Prongs in the Marauders). Me and Harry were born on the same day and we are 'the chosen ones'.
“...Wow, it’s almost like this Sue’s going through a checklist,” Keiko said, writing down the new charges on a notepad.
“Love how she subtly shoved Neville out of the spotlight there, too,” Elanor said, snagging the stray mini-Aragog. “Never mind he was just as likely to be the Chosen One.” She gave a derisive snort.
You see Harry's parents James and Lily were babysitting me on the day Voldemort came…
“Oh no, don’t do it, don’t make it go to a fl—”
*Flashback*
Elanor’s stomach churned and she doubled over, trying desperately to not vomit all over the floor of the Potters’ living room. Keiko supported her and guided her to the nearest bathroom, where she promptly threw up in the toilet.
“I think I need more Suebuprofen,” Elanor said weakly, wiping her mouth when she was finished.
Keiko passed her the box and the bottle of water. “Don’t gulp down the whole box — I don’t think it would do any good to your liver. I’ll go have a look at the scene now, take it easy.”
“Livers,” Elanor said after gulping down some water, but Keiko was already gone. She sighed and leaned against the sink, rubbing her forehead.
In the meanwhile, Keiko peeked inside Harry’s bedroom and frowned as James and Lily were basically shipping Harry and Bella together, going so far to claim that they were already bonded. The scene continued with a rip-off of the scene where Voldemort killed Harry’s parents, only with Bella getting her own scar too. The sound of an approaching motorbike filled the scene only [s]econds later.
Wow, that was fast, Keiko thought. And then realized that the flashback was going to end very soon. The rookie Agent ran back to the bathroom, opened a portal behind Elanor and tackled her through.
“Ow! What was that for?” Elanor protested, shoving Keiko off her and sitting up. “I mean, I know I’m pretty but—”
“Flashback was going to end in, like, a few seconds,” Keiko explained as she got up. “Did you prefer throwing up your soul too again?”
“Oof.” Elanor made a face. “No. Thank you. For tackling me, I mean.” She sighed and put her forehead on her knees. “I don’t ever wanna be an agent,” she said quietly.
Keiko took a deep breath, but didn’t know what to say. She had signed up for the job, while Elanor clearly didn’t, not to mention the girl looked and acted somewhat younger than her.
“Sorry if I’m asking,” she said in the end, “but why exactly are you doing this? I mean, I sort of understood you are being punished for something, but I don’t think that forcing you to take on this mission was very fair.”
“Er. Well.” Elanor licked her lips nervously and looked away. “I… told someone. About the PPC,” she said quietly.
“Well... that would explain why Dad and Mom never told me about it, and why Dad seems to hate the strange daisy with a passion. But... This fic is causing you harm just by being in it, that’s... well... torture! Besides, how old are you? From what I’ve seen this is not exactly a safe job for teenagers.”
“I’m thirteen, but I’m fine,” Elanor said stubbornly. “Both my parents are agents; I know what I’m doing.”
Keiko sighed, acknowledging that she wasn’t getting any more from Elanor. “Well, I was chasing down Knightmares at twelve, so I believe I can trust you on that. Back to work, then?”
Elanor nodded and took another look at the Words; her frown morphed into a grin and she had to muffle a snort at Bella’s infodump. She helpfully informed the audience that [a]fter the death eaters showed at the quiditch (sp?) world cup last year I was sent to Forks under a glamour charm. Renee and Charlie are squibs and they are married they only pretended to be divorced and Dumbles tampered with people's memories.
“So, that’s a charge for introducing Glamor Charms, creating another mini—” Elanor caught the mini-Aragog when it appeared in midair. “—messing with basically Bella Swan’s entire backstory…”
“I’d add ‘asking the readers for spelling when re-reading the books or doing a Google search would’ve sufficed’ to the list,” Keiko added.
“And that. Jeez.” Elanor shook her head. “I kinda feel bad for telling mum to stop exaggerating what goes on in these fics. He’s never gonna let me live this down.”
Keiko raised an eyebrow at Elanor’s continuous use of male pronouns for her mother, but decided to not inquire about it. It was none of her business, after all, and Elanor didn’t seem to be very willing to speak about herself. In the meanwhile, Bella went on to give an extremely condensed summary of what happened during the events of Goblet of Fire.
Cedric Digory died that day, it was sad but me and him hated each other. That might be why I hated Edward so much as they were practically identical.
Slowly, Elanor brought her hand up to cover her face. “Why,” she said slowly, taking her hand away to grab the mini-Aragog, “does everyone feel the need to make jokes like this just because they were played by the same actor?”
“That’s kinda lame, yeah.” Keiko agreed.
Elanor sighed and cracked her knuckles. “Next chapter’s coming up and it’s in Dumbledore’s office,” she said, glancing at the Words. “And we’ll have another POV to deal with, too. And a mini. A mini-POV?”
“Well, there’s only one way to know it...” Keiko said as she opened a portal to Dumbledore’s office. The dummy popped into the office and took on the appearance of the headmaster.
Dumbdores POV
There was a tiny popping noise and a mini-Aragog, along with a POV barely larger than a hamster appeared at the agents’ feet.
“I don’t get it,” Elanor said, bending down and peering at them. “It’s a POV… but it’s tiny. Maybe because it’s a mini’s POV?”
“Probably. In fact, we’re lucky,” Keiko said as she scooped up the two small creatures. She looked at the mini-Aragog warily before putting the tiny POV on her head. The POV snrfed happily and nested in her hair. “Think about the mess that a full-size POV would’ve caused in here.” Keiko opened a portal to the Mini Adoption Agency and sent Dumbdores through.
Elanor shuddered and nodded. “Yech, that wouldn’t have been fun.”
The Dumbledore-dummy stood dumbly in the middle of the room, locked in an internal monologue about how amazing Sue!Bella was.
Everyone misses Isabella Lily Alice Lupin so much, especially the other chosen one Harry James Potter. This past year has been hard on him, even worse considering the only person who truly understands him is not here.
Keiko facepalmed. “...Just great. She turned a good chunk of Hogwarts into needing her.”
"The entire school." Elanor shook her head in disbelief. "That... is some really strong Aura of Smooth." She sighed. "Why does everyone insist on using people's full names, anyway? Who does that?"
“Not me for sure. Especially when names start to be ridiculously long.”
Elanor snorted. "Seriously, I think her name's longer than mine!"
Keiko started counting on her fingers. “Hm, I’m at her given names and I think yours is still longer. Elanorelisindrivar, was it?”
Elanor opened her mouth, paused, and turned to stare at Keiko. "You... remember the whole thing?" she asked disbelievingly. "Nobody ever remembers!"
“Well, I had misunderstood it as Elanore Lisindrivar, which is oddly easier to remember,” Keiko said, looking up in thought. “You should suggest splitting it up to the others, I guess.”
"Might have to," Elanor said thoughtfully. "Though my point stands: my name is only eight syllables. Hers is ten. So mine's shorter."
“But yours is eighteen letters and hers is seventeen... no, wait, I forgot the surname. That’s twenty-two.” Keiko said before Dumbdores POV started snrfing in panic.
“Hm? What is it?” Keiko asked, looking around. Then she noticed something outside. “...Uh oh. Elanor, improbable owl coming six o’clock!”
Elanor flattened herself against the wall as the owl flew in with the letter from Bella Sue.
“One thousand yen his answer to the letter will be ‘yes’,” Keiko said as Dragon stubbornly remained there until Dumbledore wrote his answer.
"I'm not taking that bet," Elanor said automatically.
Dear Miss Isabella Lily Alice Lupin,
It would be a pleasure to have you back at Hogwarts. I shall arrive at 5pm and we will be back in time for the evening meal where you will be welcomed back. Your friends and family don't know of your return so you will be able to surprise them. And it wouldn't harm you to have a little bit of patients, but as I know from past experiences, to teach you that lesson would only cause harm to me as your owl would most likely peck at me until I gave it a letter to return to you. So, see you soon.
Professor A. Dumbledore
“Would you like to try a little bit of patients?” Elanor asked, pretending to hold something out toward Keiko. “I cut these giblets fresh this morning!”
“Why, thank you, Elanor,” Keiko said, pretending to take something, “Do you think we should share with our dear Bella?”
“Why, I do think I have to agree with you, Miss Keiko,” Elanor said, laying her accent on thick. “Absolutely wonderful idea, I must say.” She was able to hold a straight face for about a second before dissolving into giggles, quickly followed by Keiko. It took both girls a minute to compose themselves.
“Anyways,” Keiko said after taking a deep breath, “Dumbledore giving in to Bella’s rather arrogant request so easily? Nope, that’s not quite him... well, he technically is a dummy right now, but...”
The girl was distracted by her CAD beeping. Once pulled out of the backpack, it showed [Albus Dummydore. Harry Potter canon supporting character currently supported by Crash Dummy. 47.88% OOC. Remove Sue influence and exorcise] on its screen.
One of Elanor’s eyebrows went up. “Only 47.88%? That’s lower than I expected.”
“Well, Auntie says she made this CAD, and last one of hers I saw took a scan of the wrong character before freezing up. Literally. I’d say that even if the reading is wrong it’s still an improvement,” Keiko said as she started looking for the power switch.
"But if we don’t know the proper reading how can we charge accurately?” Elanor asked. “I mean, do you just say ‘driving people OOC’ and the number isn’t important? I don’t know how everything works.”
“Agent Trainer Desdendelle didn’t use the exact level in the mission I took with him. He said something like ‘horrendously OOC’, I think,” Keiko explained.
“Wait — Uncle Des is your trainer?” A slow grin appeared on Elanor’s face. “How have we not met before? Seriously!”
“I don’t know, but Auntie is right — this is a small multiverse after all.”
Hopefully this will cheer up Harry, Hermione and Ron, as they will get to go back to the Golden Quartet, maybe this will be the year that Isabella and Harry will get together. Oh No, they might try to beat their detention High scores... as long as it is not with Dolores Umbridge.
“The ‘Golden Quartet’,” Elanor said flatly. “Really? Really? You do realize ‘Golden Trio’ is completely a fan-made term? Bleh.”
“And he’s shipping Harry and Bella too. Ugh.” Keiko added with a very disgusted face.
Harry Potter and Isabella Lupin cause big trouble and create lots of pranks when they are together- just like their fathers. After musing for a while longer I noticed the time and apperated off to escort Isabella back to Hogwarts.
“And so, Harry’s horrendously OOC before even appearing. Why am I not surprised?” Keiko asked. “Also, you don’t Apparate in Hogwarts.”
“How many times has it been mentioned in the books? Honestly.” Elanor shook her head. “Are you writing this down?”
Keiko started scribbling on her notepad.“Of course. But I’m afraid I’ll end up missing something if stuff doesn’t stop going worse... Oh, time to go see what Bella is doing back in that forest, I guess.”
***
When the girls appeared in the next scene, Elanor found herself trapped underneath Bellas POV. “Little help here?” she called, struggling to get the giant mass of fur off her. Keiko tried pushing the POV off her, and when that proved unsuccessful she transformed and blasted some water on its side. The POV snrfed annoyedly before walking away, freeing Elanor.
She stood up, giving Keiko the stink-eye as she tried to wring water out of her hair. “Was that really necessary?” she asked, annoyed.
“Well... I couldn’t think of anything else. Sorry,” Keiko said before giving a hurried bow and transforming back.
Elanor just sighed, pulled out her Muggle-use wand, and muttered a quick drying charm.
Whilst I waited for my reply off Dumbledore I started planning pranks to pull on my friends.
Ron- Charm toy spiders to climb all over him, he will spook and scream.
Elanor scowled. “What an absolute b—”
“That’s not a very nice thing to say... though I agree,” Keiko said. “Basing a prank on someone’s phobias is just cruel.”
Bella Sue came up with the brilliant idea of pretending to destroy one of Hermione’s books as another joke, but couldn’t think of anything cruel for Harry and decided she would have to get the twins’ help.
I stopped there as Dragon came, dropped a letter by me, and then went to sit in his cage. After reading the letter I was jumping around clapping, then rang Charlie and told him. Once I was calm, I packed everything up and walked to the joke shop and craft shop, to get supplies for me, Harry and the Weasly twins so we could do some awesome jokes and pranks.
Elanor swooned and stumbled, grabbing Keiko’s arm for support at the sudden time compression.
“Are you alright, Elanor? Do you want to sit somewhere for a bit?”
“N-no, I’m fine,” Elanor said shakily.
Keiko sighed. “You aren’t fine, The time compression, was it?”
“Yeah.” Elanor rubbed her forehead. “Ugh, I know Auntie Corolla said it took mum and dad a while but this is just ridiculous. Dunno how they put up with it.”
Keiko looked into the Words. “Ok, aside from stuff we already charged for there isn’t anything worthy to see... aside Bella being rather childish, but I’m pretty sure that’s something we’ll see anyways, so I vote for skipping to next chapter?”
“Let’s, please,” Elanor said.
Keiko nodded and opened a portal to the Gryffindor common room. Before walking in she fiddled with the D.O.R.K.S. to disguise them as random students.
“We have a few minutes before the chapter actually starts,” Keiko said as she looked for a free couch. “I think we earned the right for a bit of rest, don’t you think?”
Elanor nodded and lay down on the rug in front of the fireplace, lacing her hands behind her head. “Definitely. This sucks.”
Keiko lay down next to her, with the sleeping Dumbdore POV still on her head. “Yeah, I’m afraid signing up wasn’t that good of an idea. But... Well, Mom wasn’t that older than me when she was recruited, so I think I’ll manage somehow.”
Elanor bit her lip. “Why’d you want to become an agent, anyway?” she asked. “Did you feel like you, I dunno… had to live up to what your parents did?”
“That would assume I actually knew what my parents did,” Keiko pointed out. “Something I still don’t aside from the fact that they were apparently quite badass and solved this Blank Sprite Incident. And, even then, I only have Auntie’s word for it, so…”
“Oh.” Elanor was quiet for a moment. “Sounds like you had it easy.”
"Well, we have to see if the Flowers start assuming I am as good as Dad and Mom combined and so give me awful fics, though. According to Dad, the Marquis de Sod isn't to be trusted at all." Keiko looked up in thought. “There’s probably some bad history between the two of them, though.”
Elanor nodded. “I heard the Marquis was kind of a dick.” She paused for a moment. “Er, I’m not supposed to repeat that.”
Keiko laughed. “Yeah, we'd better not. Anyways, I think we just have to do our best. I don't know your parents, but I know that for mine that will be enough for them to be proud."
“Mine… I mean…” Elanor sighed and looked away. “My parents do want me to do what I want, but everyone else keeps waiting for me to become an agent like them — my mum’s kind of… well, famous, so everyone expects me to be as good as him. It’s not… it’s not fair, what it is.”
Keiko looked down. "...I can see what you mean. The other Magical Girls in my group were a bit annoying after they discovered that I was actually a second-generation Magical Girl, too."
Elanor made a face. “I know what you mean. Sucks, doesn’t it?”
"Well, they're gonna stop someday, right...? I hope...?” Keiko said before letting out a sigh, “OK, now that you've been partnered with me, we're both doomed."
Elanor gave a faint smile. “Well, you’re an actual agent and everything. You want to do this. I think you’ll be okay.”
Keiko tilted her head slightly. “Well, you said you’re doing only this one mission, didn’t you? I don’t think you will be forced to become an Agent if you don’t want to.”
“I hope not.” Elanor grimaced. “I just want to go back to my home universe and become an engineer. Especially after having to deal with this nonsense.”
“I really hope you manage to.” Keiko said just before the Author Note nearly made them jump off the rug.
AN: Because Remus is a werewolf I have decided that Bella will have the gene so she doesn't need to be bitten to become a werewolf too.
“WHAT?!” Elanor exploded, sitting bolt upright.
“Lycanthropy was an illness in the Harry Potter universe last time I checked,” Keiko echoed her, “and even an uninheritable one. It has nothing to do with genes.”
“Augh!” Elanor rubbed her temples. “Looks like the next scene is… um, not sure, actually. It just has Harry thinking to himself that everyone misses Bella Sue…” She got up from the rug when Harry POV appeared in the middle of the Gryffindor common room, knocking over several tables as it turned around. “Oh, for the love of—”
Everybody is worried about her especially Remus, he told us that before she left she showed signs of having the werewolf gene, like on full moons she was tired and emotional. We all hope she wont start to change on full moons until she returns so she has the support of her family and friends.
“Oh, come on, this is ‘missing the elephant in the room’ kind of wrong. They’re just making up stuff as they go,” Keiko said as she quickly opened a portal in Harry POV’s path. A muffled “Snrrrrf!” was heard from it as the poor POV likely faceplanted into something on the other side.
“Sorry,” Elanor called to it. She sighed and took another glance at the Words; her eyes widened. “There’s another time skip coming up!” she yelped, running over to Keiko, who tapped in the new coordinates very quickly... resulting in the portal opening under their feet.
***
“Ow...” Keiko moaned as she got on her feet again, “I still have to get the hang of that thing, sorry.”
Dumbdore POV snrfed in surprise before nesting down in her hair again to continue its interrupted nap.
“You alright there?” Elanor asked, offering her a hand.
Keiko accepted it gladly. “Had worse. I think my freefall record is fifty meters? I was transformed, though, so it probably doesn’t count.”
Elanor’s eyes widened slightly. “Yikes. Not sure even I could survive that.” She looked around and quickly took a seat at the Hufflepuff table, pulling Keiko down next to her. “Sue’s about to come in,” she whispered.
Once everyone was seated, Dumbledore stood at the podium to make an announcement. ' I would like to welcome back...Miss Isabella Lily Alice Lupin' Dumbledore looked over at our table as he said this. At that moment the doors swung open to reveal Izzy.
“And of course she does it with a dramatic entrance, too,” Elanor said, rolling her eyes.
“Do I have to say that’s not how it would’ve happened, let alone the fact that it shouldn’t have happened at all?” Keiko wondered as she wrote it down on the charge list.
“Nah, but might as well for completion’s sake.”
We all sat mouths open staring at her, the first ones to recover were the twins who picked her up and placed her in between them as they sat back down. After we had we had welcomed her back and the meal was finished we headed back to the common room. All I could think was my best friend is back and she is HOT!
Elanor put her head down on the table and groaned, feeling like she was going to barf again from the time compression.
“What? The meal is being skipped over? That’s not fair, the books keep saying that the food here is great and I don’t get to try it.” Keiko muttered in frustration.
“It’s only good when it’s not Generic,” Elanor mumbled. “You’re not missing out, promise.” She reluctantly lifted her head to peer at the Words, only to groan and let it drop back down again. “Charge for Harry acting OOC again.”
“Noted,” Keiko said as she looked into the Words, “Hm, scene’s changing to the Common Room. Let’s go there, you can lean on me if you want.”
Elanor nodded and stood, only to fall back down onto the bench when Hermione POV appeared inches away from her nose. “Stop it with the random point of view changes!” she yelled at the ceiling.
Keiko pulled out a chocolate bar from her pocket, waved it in front of the POV and then tossed it into an open portal. The furry creature chased after it. “Uh, POVs seem to be attracted by azuki bean-flavored Kit-Kats. We should take advantage of it.”
Elanor gave a tired smile. “Maybe stampede them or something, I dunno.” She glanced at the Words again. “Can we get a portal to the Gryffindor common room again?”
“Sure.”
***
The two girls emerged in the common room just in time to see Bella nearly breaking Ron’s arm just because he complained about her not being able to stay still while talking about the last months.
Izzy looked furious and pissed off and when she replied her voice was quiet but sounded deadly ' Well Ronald, I cant help it and talk about annoying, the way you eat and talk at the same time is. And as for sounding sickening lets listen to your bones being broken' after this reply she stalked forwards, grabbed Ron's arm and squeezed, we all heard the sickening cracks and Ron's cries of pain
Elanor swore in an unfamiliar language and started towards them. “We have to do something!”
Keiko grabbed the back of her robes and pulled her back. “Not now! She would just turn the entire Gryffindor house against us, and that’s not going to end well for either of us!”
“But—” Elanor shook her head, unable to look away from the scene. “She’s — she’s torturing him!”
“I know, right? We’ll make her pay for it, promise. And, unless she’s the Weasley-bashing sort, he’ll probably be fine and friends with her again by next chapter. I might be new in this job, but I stumbled into lots of badfics on the Net.”
Elanor swore again but took a step back, crossing her arms tightly. “This is wrong.”
Keiko sighed. “Elanor? I know. But your Uncle Des taught me that we have to keep our cool if we don’t want to end up dead.”
Elanor gave a tight nod, her lips pursed together in a thin line. “I’m still allowed to hate it.”
Keiko nodded too. “On that, I see nothing wrong and I actually agree. Oh, look, seems that, bad grammar aside, people’s being properly disgusted at Bella’s antics... Also, why is she suddenly Izzy? I thought Bella was already a nickname.”
“Just another sign of her being a replacement, from what I understand.” Elanor shook her head. “And there’s no way they’re going to stay mad at her; she’s going to be instantly forgiven by next chapter, I’ll bet you anything.”
One by one, everyone filtered out of the room, leaving Bella Sue alone.
“Well, at least she has the decency of being shocked at what she did,” Keiko conceded, “though, considering losing control of herself is foreshadowing her werewolf transformation, I’m not sure we should be happy about it.”
Elanor just grimaced and shrugged, shivering slightly at the transition to the next chapter. Luckily, since Bella’s POV had already spawned, they didn’t have to worry about it again.
Bella Sue remained by herself, crying until Professor McGonagall showed up to take her to Dumbledore’s office, accompanied by a clumsy transition. The agents, for their part, hid outside Dumbledore’s office, ears pressed to the door as they listened in.
After I explained [Dumbledore] looked at me and said "I'll get your father to come and get you for a few days" that told me everything "I'm gonna turn on the full moon tomorrow aren't I?"
“...Elanor, do you think we just witnessed the world’s shortest Hogwarts stay?”
“I can’t tell at this point,” Elanor groaned, rubbing her head. “Time keeps getting so compressed I’m not even sure how long we’ve been in here.”
“I’m afraid you’re not the only one,” Keiko said after looking at her wristphone. Instead of the hour of the day, the screen read HE:LP.
Elanor glanced at the watch and grimaced. “Great. Just… great.”
Lupin showed up to collect Bella Sue, and Dumbledore told them to wait in the common room while he collected her things. This was, unsurprisingly, accompanied by yet another time skip that left Elanor reeling.
"What? They didn't expel you or put you in Azkaban?" sneered Ron looking at me.
“...Leaving Ron’s exaggerated reaction aside — a physical aggression is worth a detention, not an Azkaban sentence — why claim Voldemort manipulated her emotions? That’s a pretty lame excuse that will worry her friends more than the actual truth.” Keiko said flatly as she quickly opened a portal to skip the following scene change.
They arrived in the next chapter, which opened with a brief musing on Harry’s part before quickly switching to Hermione’s point of view. The crash dummy was starting to look a little worse for wear with all the stress it was being put through.
“Here’s another thing I don’t get,” Elanor whispered, flattening herself against a Generic Wall and hoping the characters wouldn’t notice them. “Why do we never get any descriptions of where we are? It’s annoying.”
"Probably laziness on the Sue’s part?” Keiko wondered. “They pretty much care only for themselves from what I’ve understood.”
“Aaand now it’s going into pseudo-scriptfic,” Elanor groused as Hermione and the twins began speaking very haltingly.
"Well last night it looked as if she had got some important news" George
"YEAH, DUH, GEORGE" Fred
"And tonight is a full moon and she looked like Remus does before a full moon" George
"OMG" Me + Fred
Keiko facepalmed. “...I believe Hermione would kill herself rather than saying ‘omg’.”
“That might be a bit extreme but I otherwise agree,” Elanor said, nodding. “I’m just surprised that, if in this universe it’s an established fact that werewolves can pass their genes on—” She snorted derisively. “—Hermione didn’t already know about it.”
Keiko looked up in thought. “...Now that you make me think about it, not knowing something supposed to be common knowledge would pretty much shock her.”
"It says in the book someone who is a new werewolf gets; fidgety, angry, irritable and their joints crack more than normal, the day before the full moon. The anger and irritableness is only for the first change" George
“I... kinda want to have a word with that book’s author.” Keiko said, raising an eyebrow.
Elanor muttered something that was likely extremely rude under her breath.
"I think we should go to Dumbledore, so he knows we know" Me
"Good idea" The twins
And just like that, everyone was back in Dumbledore’s office. Keiko stumbled from the transition, and barely managed to catch Dumbdores POV as it fell off her head.
“Maybe you should send that one to HQ,” Elanor said, raising an eyebrow.
“B-but I wanted to keep it!” Keiko said defensively. “Look at how cute it is!”
“Yes, it’s cute, and it was three seconds away from going splat on the floor. D’you really want that?”
“...No, I don’t.” Keiko said, looking down. She reluctantly opened a portal to her RC and let the mini-POV through. “I’ll be back soon, promise!”
Meanwhile, inside the office, Dumbledore was ordering Hermione and the twins to “steer them in the right direction but do not directly tell them or anyone else".
“Okay, and what’s the point of that? If they’re allowed to know, why not tell them outright?” Elanor demanded.
“...Badfic logic?” Keiko wondered before looking into the Words. “We want to skip the next scene though — it’s basically the previous one just with Harry in it... It is alright to charge Harry being fine with leaving Ron out of the loop if we don’t witness it directly, though?”
“We can see it in the Words; that’s good enough for me.” Elanor cracked her knuckles. “The scene after that is back in Dumbledore’s office and I think we should see that one for ourselves.”
***
After Dumbledore told us not to tell anyone, we all wanted the answer to one main question.
"Will it be hard for her to be alone?" All of us
"Yes, in a way. Remus always had Sirius and James who became illegal animagi(?)" Dumbledore
“Again with not bothering to look up how to spell words,” Elanor groused. “At least this one was correct.”
“Even a broken clock is right twice a day?” Keiko wondered.
Elanor just grunted and folded her arms. “I was thinking more the ‘monkeys at a typewriter’ thing.”
"So Sir, since we know and don't want her to be alone, if we are willing could you teach us how to become animagi?" Me
"Well I should say no, but she is your friend and in the future you might need this skill, so if your in then okay" Dumbledore
“No, no, no, Human Transfiguration is a very serious thing that Dumbledore shouldn’t be taking this lightly,” Keiko said, shaking her head. “Besides, if someone’s teaching them it should be Professor McGonagall, she’s the Transfiguration teacher and an Animagus herself!”
“You said it,” Elanor said, and sighed. “This is just… this is stupid! And I’ll bet you anything Ron is going to be roped into the Animagi party later, too.”
Harry, Hermione and the Weasley twins all declared their intention of becoming Animagi right after Elanor stopped talking, as if they were answering to her.
“Considering how willing the others are, I guess you’re going to win that bet, Elanor,” Keiko said in a deadpan tone. She rubbed her temples and muttered something in Japanese.
Elanor copied her movement and took another glance at the Words. “The next scene is a whole two sentences in the common room; I vote we move on to the next chapter.”
“Vote accepted,” Keiko said as she opened up another portal. “The faster we end this, the better.”
Unfortunately, the portal led them straight into the Author’s Note that followed the short scene.
AN: This chapter is the longest so far, I know Dumbledore is a bit ooc. Fred and George are also a bit ooc but I think they deserve more recognition.
“And that merits throwing them OOC?” Elanor hissed, her fists clenching.
“Most definitely not,” Keiko agreed, her eyes on the Remote Activator. “Also, sorry. I wanted to skip the Author’s Note, but I got the coordinates wrong again.”
The next chapter is also coming along okay-ish and its really just about the morning after. So would anyone be willing to give me some ideas? Who should Bella start a relationship with? Should the Cullen's make an appearance? Or maybe the pack? I would really appreciate the help
“...Not again, please.” Keiko said, covering her face with her hands. “It’s the second time in two missions that I see the plot being outsourced to the readers. Seriously, if you don’t have ideas for what should happen in the story, what’s the point in writing it in the first place?”
Elanor just shrugged and sighed. “Just charge and move on.”
Before Keiko had a chance to portal them, though, the next chapter started with the dummy inflating to once again take on the form of Bella Sue, who appeared to be lying in a bed in a Generic Bedroom. The Words mentioned she was injured and being tended by Madam Pomfery and, for some reason, Professor Snape since hopefully they can prevent scaring as well.
“I don’t think that’s possible,” Elanor whispered to Keiko, grabbing the mini-Aragog and tossing it through a portal. “I’m already pretty terrified of this story.”
Keiko let out a short laugh. “Heh, can’t argue with that. Though, I’m pretty surprised this story got the quarantined werewolf self-mutilation thing right.”
“It’s a good source of angst,” Elanor pointed out. “Sues love that sort of thing, from what I understand.”
The point of view changed to Snape, with the dummy starting to look very worn in the split-second its default appearance was visible. Keiko portalled Snape’s POV out of the way just before it bumped into its namesake. “We’re going to have a full herd by the time this thing is over, aren’t we?”
“Maybe we really should stampede them,” Elanor mused. “I know mum mentioned doing something like that once…”
Keiko waved her hands to get her attention. “Elanor? If we start copying our parents, then we will be assumed to become their successors. And... well, I think flying fighter jets like Dad and Mom would be cool and all, but I really want to avoid risking my life more than necessary. And that includes stampeding stuff.”
Elanor grimaced. “Yeah, you’re right. Forget the stampeding, then.”
“And here’s yet another one,” Keiko said as this time Remus POV appeared in front of her. She opened yet another portal, this time right under the poor creature, and frowned.
I have never envied my werewolf curse as much as I do now.
A tic appeared above Elanor’s eyebrow. “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Keiko nodded. “Yeah, I think what we’re looking for here is ‘hated’, or something like that.”
“Thanks for killing the joke,” Elanor said grumpily.
Keiko gave her a glance while Remus admitted that usually [he] would not trust Snape with her, but did believe that he could help. “That’s more believable than the rest of this trainwreck, I think.”
“When we’re having to grasp at straws for some tiny vestige of canon, you know something’s gone horribly wrong.”
As Elanor spoke, the dummy deflated and reinflated to become Sirius, spawning another POV in the meantime.
Elanor flailed her arms at the dummy. “Why did it switch?! Why? They’re doing literally nothing but discussing how banged up the Sue is!”
“Yeah, third person would’ve worked just fine for pretty much everything there,” Keiko agreed, “No need to focus over a single person, definitely no need for going each one of them in succession. Especially since Sirius isn’t thinking anything that wasn’t already thought by the others.”
The point of view switched to the Sue’s again, almost like she wanted to show that she didn’t care. The dummy tried to shift into the Sue’s shape, but the strain from the continuous transformations were too much for it, and it ended up exploding instead.
Keiko’s eyes widened in horror. “Kuso!”
Elanor yelped as the Sue’s point of view took over, and she was jerked into the middle of the room by an unseen force, pinned down on the bed. She tried to scream, but her voice was no longer her own. Keiko realized right away what was happening... though it didn’t mean she had the solution handy.
“Why I didn’t think about bringing the books?” Keiko muttered as she started tapping furiously on her wristphone’s screen. “It must be a source of canon so maybe this...?” She started playing the Twilight movie on her wristphone before jumping on the bed in order to slam the screen on the back of Elanor’s head. “Get out, spirit of uncanon! GET OUT OF ELANOR YOU IDIOTIC SUE!”
Elanor coughed and began retching as a glittery beige cloud trickled from her mouth and nose, coalescing into a humanoid form resembling Bella Swan. The wraith stared at them, dumbstruck.
“Why are you doing this to me?” it wailed. “I’m just trying to recover from the full moon and you come in here and try to — to kill me?” It began to sob. “This is why I tried to hide my identity for so long, nobody loves a — a — a werewolf!”
The canons who were in the room just stood around, watching stupidly, trapped by the Sue’s influence.
“Werewolf? Think again. You just freaking possessed my friend here, you’re a... uh, Sue-wraith, was it?” Keiko looked up in thought before shaking her head. ”Why am I discussing things with a Sue ghost? Bella Lupin, I am Agent Keiko Turbo from the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, and you’re charged with: replacing the character of Bella Swan, pretending to be Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks’ daughter, messing up timelines... uh...”
Elanor somewhat shakily climbed to her feet and cleared her throat. “Being a second Chosen One, completely ignoring how lycanthropy works in canon, multiple point of view changes for no reason, knowingly and willingly driving multiple characters OOC, ridiculously simplified and beige prose, pseudo-script formatting, complete disregard for the rules of spelling, punctuation, and grammar, ignoring the canons of both Harry Potter and Twilight, and Keiko can we please charge her multiple times for screwing with the timelines? I can still taste barf in my mouth. And glitter. But mostly barf.”
“I’m afraid not, but the last charges are: causing distress to Elanorelisindrivar here and then possessing her too. The sentence is forced dispelling by high-pressure water blast.” Keiko said before transforming and shooting the aforementioned water blast against the Sue-Wraith. All what was left of her afterwards was some glitter in the water running down the wall.
“And, yes, before you ask...” Keiko said as she dispelled her Magical Girl weapon, “my actual magical weapon is a glorified Super Soaker.”
Elanor cleared her throat a few times, coughing up more glitter as she did so. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but now you’ve pointed it out…” She grinned.
“Both me and... my mascot, I guess? Were quite puzzled as why it manifested in a gun-like shape. Maybe it has to do with Dad being a gunslinger, I don’t know.” Keiko said with a shrug as she reverted to her normal clothes. Only then she noticed that they were being stared at by the very confused canon characters.
“Er... uhm... Can you look here, please?” Keiko said as she pulled out her neuralizer.
***
After running through what was left of the fic, neuralyzing canons and sending them back to where they belonged, Elanor and Keiko portaled back to Keiko’s RC.
“Phew, that was... long. Do you think they have copies of the Marauder’s Map here? It would’ve made stuff much easier,” Keiko said after taking some deep breaths.
“Nothing I’ve heard of,” Elanor said. Despite all the running they’d been doing, she seemed barely out of breath.
Keiko gave her a glance. “Elanor, how exactly do you manage to look like you just got back from a walk in the park while I’m exhausted?”
Elanor shrugged. “Just part of my biology. I’m—”
There was a knock on the door; Elanor gave Keiko a quizzical look before going over to open it. “DAD!” she yelled happily when she saw the woman on the other side, and gave her a hug.
“Dad...?” Keiko repeated under her breath.
The woman hugged Elanor close. “Are you alright, Elanor?” she asked.
Elanor sighed and pulled away slightly. “I guess.” She made a face. “How do you handle the time compression? That was horrible!”
“You get used to it, sweetie,” the woman replied. “There is something you can do to lessen the impact, though. I will show you later, if so you want, though I hope you will not have cause to use it.”
“I shouldn’t. I’m never gonna be an agent,” Elanor declared.
“That is also alright,” the woman said. She smiled and let Elanor go. She squinted at Keiko. “You are Desdendelle’s new rookie, are you not? He mentioned having started training a Japanese girl,” she said.
“Yes,” Keiko said before bowing, “My name is Keiko Turbo. Pleased to meet you.”
“Hello, Keiko. I am the Librarian,” the Librarian said, inclining her head slightly. “I am Desdendelle’s partner. I am also Elanor’s father.” She ruffled her daughter’s hair.
“Er...” Keiko started, unsure whether her question was going to be a rude one or not, “Can I ask a question...?”
Elanor put a hand to her mouth to hide the sudden grin of understanding.
The Librarian tilted her head. “Of course,” she said.
“Well, uhm... You said you’re Elanor’s father, but... er... you look more like a mother? And... well, the same with her mother, he looks like a father...?” Keiko asked, fidgeting, “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be rude, it’s just—”
“Confusing?” the Librarian supplied. “It is fairly simple. When Elanor was born, I was male. It was the Aviator who carried her. We have both regenerated since.”
“Regenerated...?” Keiko asked, still confused.
“They’re Time Lords, from the Doctor Who continuum. Like the Doctor himself,” said a voice from behind the Librarian. Keiko recognized the voice as being her mother’s. “Please excuse her,” Nikki said as she entered the RC, “she’s only started today.”
“Wait, today?” Elanor said incredulously, turning to Keiko. “I knew you were new, but not that new!”
Keiko tilted her head slightly.“...Well, I am? This was my first mission without Des supervising me... and, well, my second one overall.”
Elanor looked slightly disgruntled. “Good to know the Flowers care about our well-being.”
“And who are you?” the Librarian asked Nikki. “A relative of Keiko’s, perhaps?”
“Oh? Right, I forgot to introduce myself, sorry.” Nikki said. “I’m Nikki Cherryflower, Keiko’s mother. I used to work here, but I retired many years ago.”
“Well-met, then. I am, as I said, the Librarian,” the Time Lady said, inclining her head again.
Elanor turned back to the Librarian. “Where’s mum, anyway?” she asked. “I wanted to… ask him some stuff.”
“He and Zeb have gone on a mission,” the Librarian replied.
Elanor looked slightly put out. “Oh.”
“Well, I guess it’s time for us to go, then,” Nikki said before putting a hand on Keiko’s shoulder. “Dinner’s probably going to be ready in a few minutes.”
Keiko’s eyes lit up at the prospective of eating her favourite dish. “Sure! Elanor, see you... well, sometime?”
Elanor shrugged. “Dunno. Holiday’s over tomorrow, and I’ll be going back to the Academy then. Maybe next time, though…?”
Keiko looked up in thought for a couple seconds, then ripped a piece of paper out of her notebook and scribbled something on it. ”Here, this is my phone number if you want to chat sometime. I don’t know what kind of communications device you Time Lords use, but I guess we can find a way for at least a text chat or something, right?”
Elanor took the paper and grinned. “I might have to come up with some weird explanations for my roommate, but I’ll see what I can do.”
***
Sergio looked at his wristwatch before turning off the oven. The lasagne was ready; it was just a matter of waiting for Keiko to finish her mission.
He had just finished thinking that when he heard a crashing noise behind him. When he turned around, his wife and daughter were sprawled on the floor, and a portal was open into the roof. “Keiko! Nikki! Are you alright?”
“Don’t worry,” Nikki said as they got up, “us Magical Girls are tough.”
“I’m sorry, Mom, I’ll learn how to use that thing, promise!” Keiko said as she looked around for something. She eventually found a small furry creature and showed it to her father. “I found it during the mission, can I keep it? Mom is fine with it, but she wanted me to ask you too.”
Sergio looked at the mini-POV in curiosity. “Is this a pov? Weird, never seen them this little before.”
“Well... it is a mini’s POV, or something.” Keiko explained.
Sergio nodded understandingly. “I see. Well, I have nothing against it — as long as you take care of it properly, obviously — but I’m afraid you’re going to have to keep it in the Response Center when people come over. Povs aren’t quite existent in this world, after all.”
“Leaving it in an empty RC doesn’t feel right to me. Maybe leave it to Corolla’s care on those times?” Nikki wondered. “I mean, considering Mr. Snrfles is still healthy after almost twenty years with her, I think she can also give you some pointers.”
Keiko nodded. “Yes, I’ll do that. Thank you!”
“Well, it’s time to go wash your hands now,” Sergio said, “I just finished cooking, and it’s lasagne with extra besciamella sauce. Just as you like them.”
At “sauce” Keiko had already passed Dumbdores POV to her mother before heading to the bathroom.
Nikki shook her head at her daughter’s antics before turning towards her husband. “You’re spoiling her, you know?”
“How, exactly?”
“It was supposed to be my turn in the kitchen today,” Nikki explained with a smile, “and yet you went and made sure she would find her favourite dish after her first day on the job.”
Sergio laughed. “I plead guilty. Though... speaking of food, what do povs eat, exactly?”
Dumbdores POV sniffed the air before snrfing eagerly, prompting a laugh from Nikki. “Seems that Keiko isn’t the only one wanting some of that lasagne.”
***
Elanor was lounging on the sofa of RC 3-Apple-14, playing Tetris on the console, when the Aviator and Zeb portaled in, both drenched to the skin and shivering violently. She paused her game and raised an eyebrow. “Should I even ask?”
“Disney’s The Little Mermaid Sue,” Zeb said, shaking out his mane and spraying water everywhere. “Oops, sorry.”
“I’d give you a hug, but I don’t think you’d appreciate it,” the Aviator said, dropping his coat on the floor with a wet splat while Zeb disappeared into the bathroom. “So, how about you, kiddo? Mission went well, I hope?”
Elanor grimaced. “I guess so, if you ignore the time skips and—”
“The what now?” The Aviator’s face hardened. “Either you got unlucky or the Flowers were feeling sadistic. Shoulda known better than to give you a mission like that, especially since you’re not trained. You’re feeling alright now, though?”
“Now that the Sue wraith is out of me, yeah.”
The Aviator’s eyes widened in horror and he turned away for a moment, fists clenching. He turned back to his daughter. “You… were possessed… by a Sue wraith?” he said, struggling to keep his voice calm. “Did you not bring a crash dummy? I told you, second person fics are—”
“Er, that’s the thing,” Elanor said, twisting a lock of hair around her finger, “it was a first person fic, and Keiko did remember to bring the dummy, but it… exploded.”
The Aviator sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Almost twenty years I’ve been an agent and that’s never happened to me before,” he said. “I guess you just got really unlucky, kiddo.” He went over to her, trailing seawater in his wake, and bent down to cup her face in one of his hands. “But I’m glad you’re okay.” He kissed her on the forehead and stood up. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some overgrown plants I need to yell at.” He headed out the door, muttering, “Punishment should fit the crime, my arse…”
Elanor waved after him and got up to help Zeb when he emerged from the bathroom with a towel in his teeth, looking up at her with the best puppy eyes he could muster. “I don’t know how you guys have survived this long,” she said, taking the towel from him and beginning to dry his mane. “Missions suck.”
“Sometimes they do,” Zeb agreed, his voice slightly muffled by the towel. “Sometimes they don’t. Like your mother said, it sounds like you just got unlucky.”
“Or the Flowers decided to teach me a lesson,” Elanor said sourly.
Zeb nuzzled her hand with his nose. “As long as you don’t do it again.”
“Believe you me, I won’t.” Elanor finished drying his mane and dropped the towel on the floor by the Aviator’s coat. “You want some cocoa or something? You look cold.”
“Cocoa would be great.” Zeb grinned. “And from what I heard, you sound like you could use some, too.”
***
Sergio was going to shut the lights as he and Nikki went to sleep when Keiko appeared at the bedroom’s door. “What is it?”
As an answer, Keiko flopped down on her parents’ bed.
Sergio muffled a laugh. “I thought you’ve grown a bit too much to sleep with your parents, haven’t you?”
“Just five minutes,” Keiko said without raising her head from the pillow.
“Still shaken by the mission?” Nikki asked.
Keiko turned towards her. “A bit. But I’ll get used to it, promise.”
Nikki hugged her. “Of course. It wouldn’t be you if you didn’t, after all. But Dad and I will always be here if you need, OK?”
“Thank you.” Keiko said before turning her face towards the pillow again.
A few minutes later, Sergio poked his daughter’s shoulder. “Shouldn’t you be in your bed now?”
“She’s asleep.” Nikki whispered.
“Already?” Sergio asked before letting out a short laugh, “I guess she’s still a kid after all.”
“True,” Nikki said, caressing her daughter’s head, “but that isn’t stopping her, is it?”
“We wanted her to have a normal life, but losing track of her for a second was enough to find her walking right into our footsteps instead,” Sergio agreed.
“Maybe our family isn’t supposed to have a normal life after all?” Nikki wondered.
Sergio shook his head. “I thought we had managed that in the last twenty years.”
Nikki propped her chin on her hand. “You’re discounting as “normal” a lot of stuff, you know?”
“Oh, come on. You’re telling me that Magical Girls and dark magical kingdoms aren’t a normal occurrence in anime Japan?”
Nikki shook her head. “Normal Magical Girls don’t have fathers who shoot down their Monsters of the Week with anti-materiel rifles, I’m afraid...”