Wings of Canon: Second Strike

Keiko entered her RC only to find a familiar Unison Device floating near the console. “Auntie!”

“Welcome back, Kei!” Corolla said, waving. “I was having a rather slow day at DoSAT, so I asked if I could work with you today. You don’t have a partner yet, do you?”

“No, I don’t. Thank you very much, I hope I’ll never have to do a mission alone.”

Corolla nodded. “Yeah, that would be scary. Especially since you’re still quite new... I bet Sergio thinks you should still be under Des’ mentorship, right?”

Keiko laughed. “You know Dad all too well, don’t you? Speaking of Des, I found some of that tea he was looking for. Do you mind if I go bring it to him?”

“Not at all. In fact, I think I’ll come with you. I have to—”

[BEEEEEEEEEEP!]

Keiko covered her ears. “The console minds. Auntie, can you do anything about the volume, please?”

“Sure thing!” Corolla said before literally diving into one of the maintenance panels. Keiko, instead, pushed the red button, and started reading the assignment.

“Done!” Corolla said, poking out of the console and  triumphantly holding a small plastic panel. “I want a word with whoever designed this cover — when you close it, it pushes the volume dial back to the maximum. And I keep finding it even on new consoles — I wonder if it is deliberate.” Corolla then noticed that Keiko was staring at the console’s screen. “Uh, is it bad?”

“... No way...” Keiko barely managed to say, before pointing at the screen. “This... this fic’s Gary Stu...”

Corolla floated next to her. “What is it? He’s some sort of unkillable hyper-badass?”

Keiko gulped. “I... I’m afraid it’s Dad.”

“What?!” Corolla asked, before having a look at the Intel report. After she started reading it, though, she sighed in relief. “Don’t worry. The name is the same, but the plot of this fic doesn’t match. Still... there’s even a Sakura involved. He’s pretty similar.”

Corolla rubbed her chin in thought for a bit before opening a holographic window. “Kei, I think I know what’s going on. We’re going to be working with your parents today — we need them to deal with this.”

Keiko kept reading the report. “You’re sure, Auntie? I... I don’t want to accidentally kill Dad! Also because if I do, well...”

“Don’t worry, that Stu isn’t your father,” Corolla said as she started tapping on the window, “and the Flowers are smart enough to try to avoid time paradoxes. Especially since it would mean undoing possibly hundreds of missions. That would be way more damage to canon than Sergio could cause on his own.”

***

“Yeah, that most definitely isn’t me,” Sergio said, rubbing his chin, “but I believe this isn’t just a homonimy case — I think this is one of the other Stus with the same name my author has written.”

“Other Stus...?” Keiko asked, mildly confused.

“That idiot had a fondness for Self-Inserts, I’m afraid,” Sergio explained. “I stopped counting at five. I’m chronologically the third one, by the way.”

Keiko’s eyes widened. “So there’s four more of you running around?”

Nikki put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “I don’t think so. After all those years I think all have been lost to the Internet — in fact, I’m pretty surprised this one’s still around.”

“Well...” Corolla began, turning a holographic window towards them, “not only is it indeed from Sergio’s author, this is even a recursive fanfiction of another massive crossover — if you don’t mind, I’ll try reading that other one as we go so we have an idea of what’s going on.”

Sergio nodded, looking up from the console. “Please do that. I think I remember now which one it is — we can call this AU version of me ‘Fourth Turbo’. He’s pretty similar to how I used to be; this will be quite of a wild ride.”

“Are you okay with this? I mean, he’s basically another you that we have to kill...” Nikki said with concern in her voice.

Sergio sighed. “Not quite, but I wouldn’t have anyone else than me do this.” The former agent loaded his assault rifle and opened a portal. “Well, the earlier we go in, the earlier this is all over. Don’t you agree?”

***

“Wow, this is a pretty weird sight,” Keiko commented after coming out of the portal. They had emerged in what looked like the main road of a classical dystopian city: tall, gray buildings and propaganda posters. However, what caught Keiko’s eyes was the fact that the people on the road were all wearing gray coats and sunglasses.

In fact, she was wearing such attire herself — though that was likely a disguise set by her father on the console.

“Welcome to Avalon, capital city of the planet Avalon,” Sergio said. “Not in its best days, I’m afraid. Also, blame my author for the weird current fashion trend.”

“Apropos that, I think I spotted our target!” Corolla said, pointing at the only person with a different attire. He was wearing a black, hooded cloak and walking fast. The guy pulled out a pistol with various stuff attached to it, and fired two quick rounds at the biggest poster, hitting the man portrayed on it in the middle of the forehead and the heart.

None of the other people in the road seemed to notice or mind, and the guy quickly disappeared in the crowd.

“A Walther P99 with a silencer, scope and laser sight,” Sergio commented. “Looks like Fourth Turbo here is into tacticool stuff. Anyways, charge for improbable aiming skills — even with the scope and the laser sight, hitting a target several dozen meters away while on the move and with that sort of accuracy is just impossible. Besides, a scope on a pistol?”

“I think we should also charge for the extremely clichèd prologue?” Nikki wondered. “I mean, I don’t think what he did achieved anything, aside from looking cool.”

Keiko looked at the poster. “Uhm, question: who’s that dude that Alternate Universe Dad shot? Feels familiar, I think I saw him somewhere.”

“His name is Valtor,” Corolla explained, “a villain from the Winx Club cartoon. This world’s apparently a massive crossover, judging by the canon list on the Intel report. He’s the main villain of this Avalon fanfiction series, and the current dictator of this planet. By the way, the prologue is over, so we should portal ahead.”

***

The quartet ended up in front of a big, generic palace surrounded by a tall wall. It was nighttime, and a black Pontiac Firebird was parked not far from the gate.

“Hm, is that car what I think it is...?” Sergio asked.

Corolla opened a holographic window and took a CAD scan. “If you mean KITT from Knight Rider, that’s him. Sort of. 25% OOC, his programming has been altered by your alter ego, and it seems to actually have the nanomachines of the reboot version of him.”

Sergio turned to Corolla, eyes wide open. “He did what?”

“Removed KITT’s ‘don’t kill’ instruction. But at least KITT’s claiming he still doesn’t approve killing.”

Sergio went over to the nearest lamp post and bashed his head against it. “Ow... Okay, I feel better now.”

Nikki shook her head as she took out an instant ice pack from her bag and held it on her husband’s forehead. “Good thing I keep some of these around for Kei.”

“I resent that,” Keiko said, crossing her arms.

“Who’s the one that two times out of three fails the grind down the railing at the skate park, and still attempts that every time?” Nikki asked in annoyance before letting out a sigh.

“... Point.” Keiko said. “So... uh... back to the mission?”

“Sure,” Sergio said, holding the ice pack against his forehead. “Fourth Turbo and KITT managing to slip here unnoticed by the patrols during a curfew is rather improbable too — KITT is black and can move silently, but it’s still a car going around in an empty city.”

Corolla shook her head. “Close one, but I wouldn’t charge for that. Our talking car has all the gadgets to make such a thing possible — it would be the car equivalent of Metal Gear-like sneaking, I guess.”

In the meanwhile, Fourth Turbo and KITT were looking into a list of the rebels and noticed that one of them, Sakura Kinomoto, looked the same as a girl Fourth Turbo apparently knew.

Nikki scratched the back of her head. “Wait... so there’s Sakura Kinomoto, and... a Sakura clone, so another me?”

Corolla looked at the Words. “We’re going to get some explanation now. Planet-shifting flashback incoming, brace for impact!”

The scene changed into what looked like the interior of a generic fortress, throwing Keiko on the floor. When she managed to get into a sitting position, she noticed that the rest of her group had handled the shift better — her father kept his balance by squatting down and using a hand as an additional leg, Corolla was just floating like nothing had happened at all, and her mother was already offering her a hand to get up.

“You'll get used to it,” Nikki reassured her. “This was quite of a nasty one, by the way.”

“This was a shift of ten months and several light years. Fun, wasn’t it?” Corolla said.

Once she was on her feet again, Keiko noticed the boy and girl storming through the halls. “Okay, of all the things I thought badfics could throw at me, chibi versions of Mom and Dad weren’t on the list.”

“Meet Sakura Avalon, Earth’s current most powerful mage despite being just twelve!” Corolla said. “Well, considering she’s also said to be the last one kinda helps with the claim.”

“Sakura... Avalon? She’s named after the planet?” Keiko asked, eyes wide open.

Sergio shook his head as they started chasing the two kids. “That’s actually how Sakura Kinomoto was called in the American dub of the series. I guess that was the fastest way to make a very Sakura-like character without her actually being Sakura.”

Corolla crossed her arms. “I’m not even bothering with a CAD scan on her — she’s the exact kind of anomaly that would make me go Blue Screen Of Death.”

Keiko’s C-CAD beeped, and the girl pulled it out.

[Sakura Avalon. Original character/Carbon copy of Sakura Kinomoto/Sakura Avalon/Whatever. UNDEFINED% Sue. Unable to file in database. Restore/Restart/Quit?]

“See? That thing’s getting overworked trying to get a result, since she’s little more than a Generic as she is now,” Corolla said as they reached Valtor’s spaceship. The place surrounding it hadn’t been described at all, and kept flickering between indoors and outdoors.

“Adding spatial distortions to the charge list,” Sergio said as he scribbled on a notepad. In the meanwhile, his other self and Sakura attacked Valtor, trying to prevent him to escape the planet. That, however, only resulted in “Sakura” getting a generic spell straight into the chest.

“And that’s all we get about her. No wonder that CAD couldn’t get a proper reading,” Corolla commented.

Sergio shook his head when his alternate self emptied a full clip of tranquilizer rounds from a Mk22 pistol without hitting Valtor even once. “That’s not what that pistol was made for, kid.”

After Valtor managed to escape, Fourth Turbo dropped his pistol in order to pick up Sakura’s body and ran out looking for help. Sergio picked up the gun and showed it to Keiko before following them.

“Mk22 Mod 0 Hush Puppy, possibly from the Metal Gear series. Non-Generic weapons can be sold to the Armoury, so pick them up when you can.”

“... I’m more interested in the fact that an alternate version of Mom just died, thanks.”

Sergio took a deep breath. “Yeah, I know. But... I don’t think we could do anything to save her without derailing the fic or cutting it too short, as much as I hate it.” Sergio patted his daughter’s shoulder. “We can’t save everyone, unfortunately. But we can still try to do our best.”

“Actually...” Corolla started, “Earth is going to be rendered uninhabitable by some sort of magical mist soon, but apparently by the end of that other fic everything is restored as it was before Valtor started his conquest war. So... we might be able to do something after all.”

In front of them, Fourth Turbo had reached KITT, who told him that Sakura was already dead, and there was nothing either of them could do to save her. KITT then transformed in some kind of small spaceship, and took off with Fourth Turbo to chase after Valtor’s ship.

“Sergio, Kei, I think you should go ahead. Nikki, I’ll need you here,” Corolla said, opening a portal back to Avalon. After father and daughter went through, she opened another one and gestured Nikki to bring “Sakura” along.

***

“So... What’s your idea?” Nikki asked after they ended up in what looked like an abandoned building — possibly from another part of the badfic. She lay down the lifeless Sakura clone on the floor before giving Corolla a quizzical look.

“Well, the point about our Sakura Not!Avalon here is that she’s dead, but since everyone on Earth is supposed to be brought back to life in the other fic’s ending she’s not dead-dead Words-wise. I think. Sort of,” Corolla explained as a light blue magic circle started forming under the girl. “If my hunch is right, we should be able to revive her just by pumping enough mana into a healing spell — even a basic one — to counteract the effect of the curse that killed her. And maybe a bit of help from that magical defibrillator spell from Force.”

Nikki gave a nod of understanding before transforming. Once ready, she pointed her Device at Corolla’s magic circle, causing a white magic circle to form a couple meters above it. Glowing particles started descending from Nikki’s circle towards Corolla’s. “This is why you needed me, right?”

“Yeah. My mana capacity’s nowhere near enough for shock therapy,” Corolla admitted before summoning two small magic circles near the palms of her hands.

The circles started glowing while the Unison Device started beeping in a way eerily reminiscent of an emergency defibrillator.

“Clear!” Corolla shouted as she brought the two circles near Sakura’s chest. The sudden injection of mana straight to the heart worked; the girl bolted upright, gasping for air.

“Dr. House, eat your heart out,” Corolla boasted, fists against her sides.

Nikki gave her a sideways glance. “I’m not sure that should’ve worked at all.”

The just-revived girl looked around in confusion. “Where am I? What... happened?”

“I’m afraid you just died,” Corolla explained to her. “But, don't worry, you got better!”

“Sakura” blinked a couple of times. “Whaat? Then... Is Sergio alright? He kicked Valtor’s ass, right?”

Corolla and Nikki exchanged a glance. Not only her name coming from the Cardcaptors dub was apparently enough to make her speak in Carly McKillip’s voice instead of Sakura Tange’s, but her speech pattern was... well, not something you’d expect out of Sakura’s mouth.

***

In the meanwhile, Sergio and Keiko had taken up positions just behind KITT.

“So, what do you think my clone here will do?” Sergio asked while having a look into the Words.

Keiko rubbed her chin. “Hm, if he’s anything like you, he’ll study the place to see if he can slip in unnoticed and... I don’t know, plant some explosives?”

Sergio nodded. “That’s exactly what I would do. Except... well... I would do that now.”

Just as he finished speaking, KITT accelerated right through the gates, jumping well over the heads of two guards.

“... They just ran in!” Keiko screamed.

Sergio let out a laugh while pulling out the DORKS. “Seems that Fourth Turbo’s just as reckless as I was around that age. Good thing I calmed down, or I would be long dead.”

Keiko shot him a glare. “I’m very glad you did, or I wouldn’t have been even born.”

“True. Now...” Sergio said as he pushed the last button, replacing their coats with uniforms identical to those worn by the guards, “Let’s get in the smart way, shall we?”

Father and daughter walked into the courtyard completely unnoticed, due to the fact that everyone else was too busy trying to shoot the black car that was causing the mayhem.

In fact, KITT was indeed supposed to be the distraction, as Fourth Turbo used the eject function to propel himself into one of the windows of the last floor.

“That’s not a bad idea. Not a perfect one either, but going in from above with a diversion below definitely works.” Sergio commented, “C’mon, let’s get closer. But not too much — I’d say the roof.”

Keiko nodded and transformed, counting on the fact that everyone else was too preoccupied with KITT to notice her. She jumped on the roof, and found her father already standing there. “How...?”

Sergio waved a Remote Activator in front of her eyes. “Keiko, you’re not thinking with portals.”

Keiko sighed as she transformed back. “... I actually trust my leaping ability more than my portal-making ability. Okay, what is Chibi-You doing now?”

“According to the Words, he’s making quite the massacre while looking for Valtor’s throne room, so we’d better not poke our noses in if we don’t want to become Swiss cheese. Let’s see if there’s a balcony or something near that room.”

Luckily for them, there was indeed a ledge running near the windows, and a rather big one at that — the two agents were able to stand on it rather comfortably.

“Dramatic entrance in three, two, one...” Sergio counted down before his alternate self appeared at the door, Swiss-cheesing a couple more guards as expected. He then proceeded to walk in, holding Valtor at gunpoint with his pistol.

“Wait a minute here. He’s holding the pistol in his left hand, and resting an assault rifle on his shoulder with the other?” Keiko asked. “Couldn’t he, y’now, use the rifle in the first place?”

“Probably because the pose looks cool. And yours is a very good point, looks like you were listening when I taught you those gun basics.”

Keiko sighed. There was no point in trying to explain to her father that magical girls aren’t usually supposed to be knowledgeable about firearms.

“Anyways, I’ve always wondered what exactly do the villains do all the time in a throne room — I mean, aside from scheming, it must get boring after a while,” Sergio said.

In the meanwhile, Valtor was doing his best to bide for time, and after the initial “you should be dead” shock tried to talk Fourth Turbo into switching sides.

Sergio facepalmed. “Please, not the ‘we can rule together’ thing. Also, looks like Sakura Avalon existing is just to allow Valtor to use her as leverage?”

Indeed, Valtor proposed to “bring back to life” Sakura Avalon, an offer Fourth Turbo promptly shot down as it was clear that the villain would use Sakura Kinomoto as a stand-in.

Keiko raised an eyebrow. “Dad, I hope your fic didn’t suck this badly.”

“... It wasn’t much better, let’s leave it at that,” Sergio said just as the Trix witches entered the room. His alternate self welcomed them with a long burst of assault rifle fire — missing them completely.

“That’s what happens when you try to fire a M4 with only one hand, kid. They have a handguard around the barrel for a reason.”

Keiko stared at the scene, eyes wide open. “He’s holding off four people, all possessing powerful magic, at once?”

“He’s a Stu, what did you expect…? No, wait, he changed plans.”

Father and daughter took cover behind the wall as Fourth Turbo decided to make his exit through the very same window they had been looking through. Below, KITT positioned himself to catch him.

“He doesn’t seem to like using doors,” Keiko deadpanned.

Sergio laughed. “Hey, breaking through windows is cool!”

“You two! What are you doing there?” said a voice behind them. When they turned around, there was Icy, the Trix’s leader, leaning out of the window and staring at them.

“Patrolling the roof, ma’am,” Sergio said without missing a beat.

Icy looked like she wanted to say something, but the bad writing was clearly affecting her thought processes. “Uh... Yes. Go on with your patrol,” she managed in the end.

“It will all be clearer if you and your friends look here for a second...” Sergio said, pulling out the neuralyzer. The three Trix looked at the strange pen-like object, only to be blinded by the flash.

“Let’s see... You’ve never met a dude called Sergio Turbo, in fact neither of them, the last ten minutes were all a very forgettable dream, and you never saw us. Now go make a plan to defeat the Winx Club or something.”

The three witches nodded and closed what remained of the window.

“We don’t portal them home?”

Sergio shook his head. “We’re in a recursive fanfiction — since we’re not tasked with taking down the original one, we have to allow it to take place.” He rubbed his chin. “Which makes me think, we should take a CAD reading on that Valtor dude. Being based on an already fanfiction version of him, he’s probably OOC as hell, if not replaced.”

“Possibly when we’re not standing on a ledge, I guess?”

“Indeed. Let’s meet up with Mom and Corolla, there’s no way we can follow KITT on foot.”

***

“Welcome to Doctor Corolla’s clinic!” Corolla greeted Sergio and Keiko as soon as they walked out of the portal. “The operation has been successful!”

“She’s been like that since we managed to revive her,” Nikki sighed before turning towards the girl. “Saki, this is my husband, Sergio, and my daughter, Keiko. Sergio, Kei, this is... well, you know who she is, but her name now is Saki Cherryflower.”

“Nice to meet you!” Saki said enthusiastically, only to freeze after having a better look at Sergio’s face. “Wait... Are you Nikki’s world’s version of the Sergio I know?”

“Well... Pretty much?”

Saki started staring back and forth between Sergio and Nikki. “And... You two are married?”

Nikki tilted her head slightly. “Yes?”

Saki pointed at Keiko. “And she’s your daughter?”

Keiko raised an eyebrow. “Well, yeah?”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEH?” Saki screamed, her cheeks deep red, while still pointing at Keiko, though her arm had begun to shake.

Nikki walked over to her alternate self. “Uhm... Calm down? You’re capslocking.”

“Er... Guys?” Corolla said, “I think she has the right to be shocked. We just spoilered one of her possible futures. After all, she and Fourth Turbo haven’t even confessed to each other yet, remember?”

Saki turned towards her, blushing even harder. “H-how do you know I...”

Keiko facepalmed. “Can we please stop embarrassing Chibi-Mo... er... Saki here?”

***

“So...” Sergio said as the quintet emerged out of a portal into the woods of a mountain. A road was visible near them. “Is this the place?”

“If my calculations are correct, yeah,” Corolla confirmed. “Your alternate self and KITT are staging an ambush to capture a prisoner transport, and the truck should stop here after they shoot its tyres off. They’ll be coming from the right.”

Sergio nodded, re-reading a couple pages of his notebook before shaking his head. “I can’t believe he came up with such a convoluted excuse for this area. The prisoner truck being the only vehicle capable of taking the wide but still under construction road while the others can’t and have to take a road too narrow for the truck? Nonsense.”

“So... they’re there?” Saki asked, before taking a couple steps in the direction Corolla had pointed.

Nikki grabbed her by the shoulder, and shook her head. “Don’t. You’re supposed to be dead now, remember?”

“But...”

“Saki, the other me is currently... well, not quite human.” Sergio explained, “He’s something we call a ‘Gary Stu’, a creature capable of manipulating the reality around him, either willingly or subconsciously. I believe Nikki and Corolla explained something about the PPC and the World Worlds to you earlier, right?”

Saki nodded. “Yes. But... Is there a way to make him human again, right?”

Sergio took a deep breath. “We don’t know for sure right now. What we have to do is follow him around and keep an eye on what he does, without interfering unless really necessary.”

“Hm?” Keiko said, hearing something in the distance. “Screeching tires and... gunshots? I think they’re coming.”

And just at the right moment, Sergio thought. I just can’t bring myself to tell Saki that we’ll likely have to kill him.

A giant military-looking truck pulling a semitrailer appeared from behind a corner, followed by KITT. The black car fired a laser, hitting three of the truck’s tires in a row and forcing it to stop.

“You’ve got to be kidding me...” Sergio said after inspecting the truck with binoculars.

“Yeah, I miscalculated by five meters. I’m disappointed,” Corolla said with a nod.

Sergio shook his head. “I wasn’t talking about that. It’s about the truck — a Oshkosh LVSR? Pulling a regular, full size semitrailer?”

Nikki raised a eyebrow. “I don’t know what that truck is, but it sure doesn’t look like a prisoner transport to me.”

Sergio sighed. “That’s a heavy-duty military truck. It was meant to deliver large amounts of equipment on unpaved roads, not prisoners. A few minibuses or APCs would’ve been a better choice, and would’ve also prevented this two roads nonsense.”

In the meanwhile, KITT stopped in front of the truck. From the latter some soldiers came down and started firing at the car.

“Good luck getting through KITT’s Molecular Bonded Shell with anything short of missiles, guys,” Corolla commented as they ran out of ammo. Fourth Turbo exited the car and shot them down quickly before they could finish reloading.

“That’s... so wrong.” Saki said. “He never killed anyone before. But here, he’s being... brutal. I mean, I don’t think killing bad guys is wrong, but it just isn’t something he would do.”

Nikki sighed, and put a hand on her shoulder. “When you lose everything, you... change. He probably now thinks that showing mercy to your enemies is pointless, because they won’t.” She glanced at Sergio, who was looking down. “I know someone who went through that phase, too,” she said, little more than a whisper.

In the meanwhile, Fourth Turbo had made his way towards the rear of the trailer, and jammed a small object between the two doors.

“Don’t tell me that’s—” Keiko said, only to be interrupted by an explosion. Her father facepalmed.

“OK, I don’t think a grenade would be the best idea here,” Corolla commented as Fourth Turbo took down the two guards inside too.

“At all,” Sergio said flatly. “Let’s see... The four prisoners are... Retsu and Go Seiba from Bakusou Kyoudai Let’s & Go!! — though here they’re called Ricky and Ghigo, the Italian dub names — and the other two are—”

“Nagisa and Honoka from the very first Pretty Cure series!” Keiko said, almost squeeing.

Corolla laughed. “You sure love that series, don’t you? Anyways, in the next scene’s there’s nothing new to charge for — we can just assume every single canon character to be OOC. Who wants to skip to Chapter 5?”

***

“Okay, there was a trip to the ruins of the town Fourth Turbo’s rescued prisoners were from — of which there isn’t much left — and the decision of taking shelter here in the chapter we just skipped,” Corolla explained as they walked out of the portal. “It’s an abandoned police station... also where we got Saki back in the land of the living earlier, by the way.”

Keiko looked around dubiously. “Since when do police stations have a garden in the back?”

“Since it is convenient for the plot,” Sergio said, leading the group behind some bushes. In front of them, Fourth Turbo was kneeling in front of a small cross improvised with two wooden sticks and a bit of rope. A small photo frame was near its base.

Saki squinted her eyes, only to widen them again as soon as she recognized the girl in the photo. “That’s... my grave?”

“Sort of. Since your body was left on Earth, you wouldn’t have been buried under that cross anyways, but metaphorically you are,” Corolla explained.

Saki clenched her fists. She wanted to run next to her friend and tell him that she was alive, she was fine.

“It’s hard. I know,” Nikki said, hugging her.

In the meanwhile, Fourth Turbo heard the sound of someone stepping on a stick. He aimed his pistol to the source of the sound, who happened to be Retsu. The red-haired boy raised his hands and apologised for spooking him, only for Fourth Turbo to say that he should be the one apologizing instead.

“I guess saying “I’m sorry for aiming a gun at you” adds a point to the “Sensible” score!” Corolla cheered as she opened up a holographic chart.

Keiko blinked. “You’re keeping track?”

“And considering the situation he’s in, aiming at the first weird sound isn’t something I can hold against him,” Sergio conceded while Ricky wondered if the girl in the photo was Fourth Turbo’s girlfriend

-No... or, rather, not yet. I liked her a lot... but she was killed in the last battle against Valtor. He killed her himself. For this... and for a lot more... I have to kill him. He has to pay with his blood for everything he has done!-

“Is it bad that I’m agreeing with him here?” Saki asked. “I kinda have a score to settle with Valtor.”

“If the Valtor who killed you is confirmed to be a Character Replacement, he’s all yours.” Sergio said with a smile. “Anyways, I think we can skip the next scenes too. The next important point is... let’s see.”

Sergio unfocused his gaze to read the Words, but Corolla was faster again. “We just have some exposition on how Fourth Turbo & Company started a resistance, saved a town from being burned to the ground, and namedropping of new allies. We’ve got canons from... uh. Lupin the Third, Inspector Gadget, Galaxy High and Fullmetal Alchemist. That’s quite the weird mix.” Corolla started tapping in the coordinates for the portal in a holographic window. “Anyways, the next important scene is Valtor talking with one of his underlings. But... Sergio, if this dude’s an AU version of that guy with the same name you told us about... you won’t like it.”

***

The quintet emerged from the portal on the familiar ledge outside Valtor’s throne room. Corolla opened up her CAD subprogram and took a scan of the evil overlord.

[Valtor. Cardboard cutout of the Winx Club character. Dispose in a paper recycle bin.]

“Dibs on him,” Saki said, but Sergio didn’t answer, instead stiffening when he recognized the other person in the room.

Corolla looked at him in concern. “Don’t tell me. This ‘Commander Marcus’...”

“Is indeed this world’s version of my old archnemesis,” Sergio completed for her. “I didn’t quite expect to see that face again after all these years.”

“Wait,” Keiko said, “so, basically, that dude is an alternate version of... well, who’s in a way my grandpa?”

“Correct. In our world, the other Marcus created me. But I don’t see that bastard as a father, and neither should you consider him your grandfather.”

Keiko nodded. After all, “grandpa” Marcus was a villain who even decided to kill his own daughter when she betrayed him — someone like that just didn’t fit in the family.

“Anyways,” Corolla said, feeling the gloominess of the atmosphere, “aside from Valtor ordering Marcus to stop Fourth Turbo, there’s nothing else to see here. Shall we portal past the scene shift?”

“Of course.”

***

“Okay, we have to be careful here,” Corolla explained after they all took seats at the highest balcony of a very big theater. “This scene is also happening in Avalon: Post Regnum, the fanfiction this one’s a recursive fic of. So, we must not interfere with anything happening on the stage. Anything on this balcony is fair game, though.”

Sergio chuckled.

“Hm? What’s funny?” Corolla asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s just that I would’ve never imagined you would be able to become so careful when I first started working with you.”

“Hey, that was twenty-five years ago! I went through character development!”

Nikki pointed at the balcony’s entrance. “Guys? We should hide, the other Sergio is coming.”

Keiko smiled as she ducked behind the seat’s backrest — seeing her parents and Aunt Corolla in action as PPC Agents was actually a rather funny show.

And, suddenly, she found herself floating in midair, everything around her covered in a white mist.

“Whoops, didn’t notice there was a flashback here. Sorry.” Corolla said, as a generic stage materialized in front of them. Another Saki — likely still as Sakura Avalon — was on it, and only Fourth Turbo was recognizable in the generic audience.

“Ok, where the hell are we?” Sergio asked.

“I remember this!” Saki said as her other self started singing. “It was at the last school festival! But... well... I’m not very good at singing. It’s quite embarrassing.”

Luckily for her, the flashback ended after just a few lines, and the quintet was sent back to the theater.

“So, basically, the singing of that girl on this theater’s stage triggered a flashback for Chibi-Dad?” Keiko asked, earning a weirded-out stare from Saki. Chibi-Dad?

“It looks like it did. But I’d keep this out of the charge list — considering what he’s been through, it’s sort of justified,” Nikki said, before looking at the singer on stage. It was Kari from the very first Digimon series — and, judging by the barely visible enchanted chains at her ankles, the entire performance was being forced by Valtor.

As Valtor’s speech started, Fourth Turbo pulled out a dismantled M82A1 rifle from a suitcase and started reassembling it.

“Well, the Words describe it as a sniper rifle, which is incorrect as it is actually categorized as an anti-materiel rifle, but it’s a forgivable mistake — it is used also for long distance sniping, after all,” Sergio said.

“What about the fact it is disassembled?” Nikki asked.  “I remember you said something about calibration last time I went at the shooting range with you.”

“Good point. Disassembling and reassembling a gun with a scope will likely misalign the crosshair, but a sniper doing just that with no issues happens so often in fiction that we shouldn’t charge for that.”

While Fourth Turbo finished preparing the rifle, Valtor went on with his speech.

“That’s indeed a completely different dude from the one you saw in the throne room,” Corolla said after taking a quick CAD scan. “By the way, that Martino he claims to have captured is King Martino, beloved former ruler of this planet and the original fic’s protagonist. According to the Words of that one, though, the one Valtor’s showing in that hologram is actually a clone and the true one is actually going to...”

Valtor burst into flames just as Fourth Turbo pulled the trigger, making the latter miss completely.

“Well, try to incinerate him. Can’t quite blame him.”

Keiko gave a quick glance at the Words, trying to see for herself what was going on. “Uhm, guys, this fic’s going to end soon. Should we catch Chibi-Dad now?”

“Indeed. But first, let me say something,” Sergio said as his other self was trying to get his jammed rifle working again. “It’s an automatic rifle. If you try to load another round manually while it is already doing so on its own, of course it’s going to jam!”

***

Fourth Turbo dropped the rifle and used his pistol to dispatch the two guards who had discovered him, He tried to grab their pistols, but before he could reach them someone tackled him to the ground. He managed to roll away from his assailant’s grasp, and turned around to face him... why did the dude look like an older version of himself?

The moment of distraction was enough for the man to grab his wrist and try to wrestle his P99 away, a shot going off from the pistol straight into the wooden floor.

Fourth Turbo managed to get away from his attacker again and tried to shoot, but the gun clicked empty. Somehow, the clip had been ejected from it in the heat of the fight.

“What the—?” he tried to say, but before he even realized it he was already on the ground, his right arm bent behind his back and a gun barrel pressed against the back of his head.

“So,” the man started speaking, his voice vaguely resembling Fourth Turbo’s, “I am Agent Sergio Turbo from the Protectors of the Plot Continuum...”

Even his name is the same as mine! Fourth Turbo thought.

“... well, technically former agent, but that’s not really important here. Fourth iteration of Sergio Turbo, you’re charged with the following: being a Gary Stu, having improbable aiming skills, causing the simultaneous existence of two iterations of Sakura from Cardcaptor Sakura in the same world, generating a cardboard cutout of Valtor from Winx Club, driving several other characters OOC, including deliberately altering the programming of KITT from Knight Rider without having any reason to be able to, and having nonsensical plot points. The sentence is death—”

“No!” screamed a girl. Fourth Turbo recognized the voice, and tried to look around for the source. Sakura…? No, it can’t be!

“Or, rather, should be death,” the other Sergio continued. “Considering I wasn’t any better than you when I was around your age, but I got a chance to improve, I would be one hell of an hypocrite if I killed you here and now.”

Sergio pulled Fourth Turbo up by the nape of his neck, making him face Saki. “Besides, this girl would be very sad if you died.”

Fourth Turbo stared at her for a few seconds, before looking away. “This is one of Valtor’s tricks, isn’t it? Sakura Avalon died. I know it very well.”

“Well... I got better?” Saki said weakly. “Well, that’s how they explained it to me.” Saki shook her head, then clenched a fist. “But if you don’t believe me... then just ask me something only I can know!”

Fourth Turbo took a deep breath. “Fine. If you’re really her... then you surely remember which song you sang at the last school festival, don’t you?

“Of course I do! It was I pomeriggi passano by Renata Bertolas! Though I didn’t quite do a good job at it.”

Fourth Turbo let out a short laugh. “That’s the song, alright. You even got some of the lyrics wrong. So... Is it really you? I... I can’t believe it. How is it possible?”

“You can thank Dr. Corolla and her medical division!” the Unison Device said cheerfully. Everyone except Fourth Turbo rolled their eyes.

***

“... and that’s pretty much it.” Sergio finished explaining. “Oh, by the way, we have to find you a new name, like we did for Saki.”

Fourth Turbo raised an eyebrow. “But... I’m not a copy of a canon character, am I? Why should I?”

“Yeah, but we have the same name, remember? I have nothing against you keeping Turbo as a surname — we’re twins in a way, and Nikki and Saki did the same — but it is going to be confusing if we share the given name too.” Sergio thought up a bit before continuing. “And going by Third and Fourth Turbo will make people think we’re two regenerations of a Time Lord or something, I’m afraid. So, what should we call you?”

“I... don’t know?” Fourth Turbo said.

“I’ve got an idea, I’ve got an idea!” Corolla shouted, raising her hand. “There’s this Japanese name, ‘Shiro’, which can be written in a way that means ‘fourth son’. Fitting, isn’t it?”

Nikki raised an eyebrow. “Hm, shouldn’t we look for something Italian?”

“Well, if we have to follow Corolla’s idea, there’s ‘Quarto’. But it’s quite the archaic and outdated name, and just doesn’t have the same ring to it,” Sergio said.

“I actually like ‘Shiro’!” Saki said, prompting a laugh from Fourth Turbo.

“Whatever. If Saki likes it, then I guess I can be Shiro Turbo. I don’t mind,” he said.

“Good,” Sergio said with a nod, before walking over to where the two guards had dropped their weapons. He picked up the two pistols and offered one to Shiro.

“Here, take this. It’s a Beretta 92 — not as flashy as your tacticooled P99, but that gun was very, very stupid. Goes without saying that I’m confiscating it.”

Shiro took the gun, but kept looking at in in mild confusion. “Why are you arming me?”

“Lesson number one, kid: never leave loose ends around, they’ll come back to bite you in the ass. We’re taking on that cardboardy Valtor and Commander Marcus.”

“... May I have the other gun, please?” Saki asked, prompting a weirded out look from everyone else. “Hey, I still haven’t figured what my magic was supposed to be, and I want to give Valtor some payback.”

“... Mom, were you that bloodthirsty when you were a teenager?”

Nikki raised an eyebrow. “Most definitely not.”

***

Cardboard!Valtor was doing some crosswords while sitting on his throne when he heard the door opening. He hastily put the magazine away, already thinking about how to punish the idiots who barged into his throne room without knocking first.

Except that in front of him there were two people who clearly shouldn’t have been there.

“You—” Valtor started. That annoying Sergio dude had broken into his palace again, and... was that Sakura Avalon? He was pretty sure he had killed her for good.

His train of thoughts was permanently stopped by thirty 9mm rounds.

***

“And this is how you actually use a Barrett M82,” Sergio said, getting up from the ledge from which he had taken the shot.

About one kilometer away, several soldiers were frantically trying to understand why their commander had suddenly become heartless. Literally.

***

After the neuralyzing and relocation of the canon characters was sorted out, Keiko was the first one to walk back into the RC, hugging her notebook.

“I can’t believe it! I managed to get Cure Black and Cure White’s autographs!” she said, almost squeeing.

Nikki muffled a laugh.“Well, working for the PPC does have the added benefit of being able to meet your childhood heroes.”

Corolla checked that everyone had walked in before closing the portal. “Keiko, you should have a look at your parents’ autograph collection — though I’m afraid they’re mostly from old shows.”

Shiro smiled a bit, before looking down in thought.

“What’s the matter, kid?” Sergio asked.

“It’s... well, I have no idea what I am supposed to do now. My world... is gone, isn’t it?”

“I’m afraid so. And... I think I know how you feel,” Sergio said before patting his back. “Well, as a former Gary Stu you’ll probably going to be asked to work here for a bit — the Flowers will claim it is to check if you’re behaving, but the truth is this place is as understaffed as ever. You can see it as a way to atone, though — I actually did that myself, back when I worked here.”

Shiro didn’t answer.

“Heh, now I know how Nikki and Corolla felt when I had my moody moments. Anyways, let me tell you this: you’re not alone anymore. For anything you need, there’s me, Nikki, Corolla and Keiko. And, of course, Saki.”

Sergio turned towards her. “He’s exactly as I was many years ago: confused, remorseful, and likely still full of the anger he built up in the last days. If I got out of that, it’s only thanks to my friends. If I can ask something from you, stay close to him. He needs you.”

“Leave that to me!” Saki agreed enthusiastically before tackling Shiro in a bear hug, and causing his cheeks’ color to match that of his red bandana.

Nikki laughed. “I don’t think he meant that this literally, you know?”

***

Des took a sip of the tea. Hm, he thought, just a pinch of ichor…?

Then someone knocked on his RC’s door. He got up, but the Librarian got there first; the Time Lady opened the door.

“Hi, Librarian. Is Des inside? I’ve got some of that tea he was looking for... and, well, I guess his new rookies too?” Keiko said, before looking back. “Hm, I think you’d better warn him that this is going to be weird.”

“H-hello, Keiko,” the Librarian said. “One moment, please.” She returned inside; Keiko could hear the two veteran agents whispering, then Des appeared at the door. “Hullo, Keiko,” Des said. “What’s up?”

Keiko offered him a packet. “Here, you were running out, right? Anyways... This is a favour Dad’s actually asking to you on his own so I don’t think you’ve received any official stuff yet, but... well, he’d like you to give some pointers to Shiro and Saki here.”

Keiko moved aside, to let Des see them.

The cyborg blinked. “That’s not Sarge and Nikki, I’d wager.” He tugged at his goatee. “You guys related to them somehow, I’d wager?” he asked Shiro and Saki.

Seeing that the two newbies were too embarrassed — or perhaps confused — to talk, Keiko decided to explain herself. “Well, Des, remember what you told me about Alternate Universes? Apparently there was one in which chibi versions of my parents existed.”

Des glared at the newbies. “Guys, Khataltelet got your tongue or something? I don’t bite,” he said. “Well, except that one time where that Sue thought trying to French me was a good idea, for some idiotic reason. Neither does the Librarian” — he pointed over his shoulder with his thumb — “except on Mondays.”

A muffled “H-hey!” came from inside the RC.

“Because that last one is so going to make them at ease,” Keiko muttered under her breath before letting out a sigh. She then patted Shiro and Saki’s shoulders before pushing them towards the RC’s interior. “Welcome to the PPC!”