You're Sprinkled With Moondust
“I won't be there for lunch,” Sirius walked in tandem with James to the dining hall. His cloak was gently sweeping behind him as his stocky legs took large strides forward. James had to speed walk to catch up with him.
“And why not?” James had questioned. He raised an eyebrow, hinting at the idea that Sirius and Remus would be off doing something nearly - but not yet official - couples did. Sirius bit into his apple and waved him off.
“Gonna be in the hospital wing,” he turned the corner. James jogged forward a bit.
“Visiting Regulus?” James leaned forward and turned his head to see Sirius’s expressions.
“No.” Sirius glared at him, when James leaned back and put his hands up he added, “I’m planning of pissing off Snevillus today, during history.”
James’s eyes narrowed. Sirius had been extra clumsy as of late. Just the other day he had stubbed his toe on a chair and said it warranted a visit to the hospital wing. He was fine of course, Madam Pomfrey sent him back to class without treatment. A couple days before that he was convinced he had gotten food poisoning - he was constantly clutching his stomach and groaning. Madam Pomfrey had the house elves make him some soup and he was sent back to the dorms within an hour.
James had his suspicions that Sirius just wanted to see Regulus, to make sure he was alright, but his ego was too big to actually admit that was the reason why. It was quite sad really, James found the whole situation to be depressing.
“You’re gonna get your face punched Sirius,” James elbowed him in the arm.
“That’s the plan,” Sirius walked faster, “do try to keep up, we haven't got all day to eat breakfast.”
- - -
Sirius came to lunch anyway. He had a nose oozing blood and a crumpled tissue in his fist. He strode forward, right up to the group, but did not look anyone directly in the eye. James could see the reflection of the trees in his eyes.
They all just kind of sat there. Staring at him. Mary’s jaw had dropped and Remus slowly stood to cup Sirius’s face. He had just pushed him aside though, not wanting affection.
“Has anyone seen Regulus today?” Sirius lifted his chin and put on his most convincing confident voice, but James could hear the slight waver in his tone. Even though Sirius hated Reg, every last fiber of him, he was still his older brother and would always be.
James shook his head and a few others said no. Remus cautiously took Sirius’s hand and tried to get Sirius to look at him, but he had yanked his hand away.
“That’s all then.” Sirius turned and walked back the same way he came. Remus chased after him just to get told of by Sirius. He walked back defeatedly and sat next to Marlene.
“What's his problem?” Marlene huffed - her attempt to make Remus feel better.
“Where’s he off too?” James wiped his hands on his trousers and got up.
“To find Pandora?” Remus exasperated.
“Alright lads,” he said, “I’ll be back.”
James had found Sirius quite easily, he was stalking the Slytherin entrance, waiting.
“Severus really got you that bad?” James appeared beside him and dodged a half hearted swipe from Sirius.
“You should see him,” he scoffed, “think I knocked out a few teeth.”
“So,” he shoved his hands in his pockets and looked around, “looking for Pandora I hear?” Sirius stiffened.
“Need to ask her about some homework.”
“Ah I see. I didn't know you two had classes together.” He, in fact, didn't. James was certain that if Sirius had classes with anyone of the sort - he would hear about it. Sirius ignored him and kept his eye peeled on each slytherin that passed.
“Sirius,” James walked right in his line of sight and Sirius moved to get a good view of the crowd behind him.
“Move Prongs.” He nudged.
“We can't have you getting hurt like this, yeah? You’re the pretty one of the group - can’t have your nose breaking on us can we.” James tilted his head.
“What's your point other than flattery?” Sirius pushed James to the side by the head.
“My point is, I’ll check up on Regulus for you.” Sirius paused. His hand was still midway up in the air.
“I haven't been checking up on Regulus.” His jaw tightened and he lifted his head, as if that would make him more superior - more believable.
“I beg to differ, just take the offer Pads.”
Sirius used the crushed tissue to wipe blood off his nose, threw it on the ground, and grunted, “fine,” all while storming away. James put a hand to his temple, sighed, and walked the other way. He first checked the library, but after a few minutes of searching, gave up. He looked in most of the hallways next, but was proven unsuccessful.
- - -
Later that day James had stopped by the hospital wing. The only person there, beside other sick kids, was Pandora. She looked relieved to see him.
“James,” she smiled. Her hands were clutching a pretty box with floral pastel walls. It was wrapped together with a neat blue bow. She was sitting on Reg’s bed, doing nothing in particular but waiting. Before she’d noticed him she had looked quite somber.
“Hi Pandie,” he waved a hand and walked over.
James wanted to ask her where Regulus was, but judging by the fact that she was alone, he surmised she didn't have much more of a clue then he did.
“How’ve you been James?” She asked as he sat down next to her.
“Pretty good, you?”
“Alright.”
James fidgeted a bit. He scratched his neck, then cracked his knuckles. He rubbed his shin, and adjusted his glasses.
“What’s in the box?” He finally asked.
She looked down at it and ran the edge of the bow between her fingers.
“Mille-feuille, it's a french dessert. Regulus quite likes it,” she explained.
“What's it made out of?”
“Puff pastry and pastry cream. I would offer you some but I only have one,” she panicked.
“It’s alright,” to further reassure her he added, “pastries aren't really my speed, I’m more of an ice lollie type guy.” He chuckled.
“I was just about to check Reg’s dorm to see if he’s there.” Pandora got up.
“Oh, mind if I come with? I need to relay his condition to Sirius or I’m afraid my head will be chopped off.”
Pandora hesitated, and James couldn't understand why until he looked at the color of her tie. For a brief moment James had forgotten there had been houses at all. They were all human anyway, no need to separate them into attributes.
“Oh yes that's right. Well, just, tell him I was looking for him, yeah?” He scratched the back of his neck. She nodded and said ‘bye James’, before walking away - blonde hair trailing behind her.
- - -
James checked the hospital once more that day. Supper had finished hours ago, and only the very top of the sun was visible in the horizon. It made the corridors look orange.
Sure enough Regulus was there. He sat on the windowsill, knees pressed to his chest and arms wrapped around them. His forehead was pressed against the glass and his eyes traced the tree-line of the forest. He looked so fragile. James walked closer. Reg tilted his head slightly in James’ direction causing his long hair to fall out of the way of his neck. James could see every detail off it. He could see the freckles and beauty marks that trailed from behind his ear to his collarbone and the delicate vein that ran up his neck. He looked as if he’d been sprinkled with moondust or as if he was made of all the constellations and galaxies. Reg was the universe. Most notably, he saw the red scratch marks that covered his ear and sunk down beneath his shirt. Regulus turned back to the trees. James, having just realized he was starring, looked anywhere else.
The box Pandora had held before was sitting on his night stand, opened and half eaten. His wand and cloak were thrown about his cot, as well as a few small novels. James took a hand out of his pocket to pick one up. The most loved one seemed to be A Fall of Moondust by Arthur C. Clarke. James flipped through the pages covered in notes and scribbles in pen. A folded piece of sheet music slid out and landed by his feet. He looked over to Reg once more who paid no mind to him. The sheet music had, what James assumed to be, coffee stains on it. He delicately unfolded it and ran a finger across the soft crease marks. The paper must have been folded hundreds of times, he thought. It was only the first page of what James assumed to be that of thousands. The title - Clair de Lune.
The page was annotated more than the book it was folded in was. A poem was scribbled on the back. Even if James could understand French he wouldn't dare read a word of it. He felt as though he’d stepped into something deeply personal. The sacred indulgences of a person whom he’d been groomed to be wary of. The person with silver eyes who sat on the windowsill behind him - whose words should be framed and hung up in museums.
James folded it together again and placed it back in the book with shaky fingers. Even though Regulus couldn't hear, James felt like he needed to be quiet around him. Gentle, as if one motion would carry him away like paper with coffee stains.
James walked over and sat down next to Regulus, back pressing against the glass of the window. He studied Reg’s face; the downward curve of his lips, the beauty mark under his left eye, his angular cheekbones and jaw. His eyelashes were downcast, making shadows in his irises. Regulus looked at him, eyes piercing through his very bones. James took a breath - for just in this moment he realized how strikingly similar he and Sirius were, and it shocked him.
They were both products of the same heritage; same genes, same parents. Sirius had painted Regulus out to be a cruel being reminiscent of their mother. James leaned his head against the pane. He could see cold, but he could not for the life of him see Reg as cruel. He did have an icy glint in his eyes that danced around his pupil and he was so still that one might have mistaken him for a statue. Not even breathing caused his chest to rise and fall. His blinking was the only hint that the boy in front of him was alive at all.
Then his face softened. The shimmer of ice was replaced by the warm glow of the sun. His eyebrows were not in straight unamused lines anymore, they ever so slightly furled. The lake was no longer frozen over, the ice began to melt, revealing the orange and yellow fish swimming beneath it. James turned to face the window. He cupped his hands around his mouth and blew, creating a foggy circle in which he wrote a simple, hi.
Regulus scoffed, as he often did, and said ever so delicately, “I’m tired of writing.” James nodded in understanding and tilted his head, pointing to his ear.
“I know I can't hear James.”
James shook his head and imitated scratching over his ear. Regulus still didn't pick up on it, or he simply didn’t wish to respond. So James slowly brought his hand over to Reg’s ear and traced the red marks softly. Regulus’ eyes grew wide, his stare unmoving. James could now hear his quiet breaths quickening in pace.
James rose an eyebrow and traced the edge of his ear, stopping at the point where his neck met his jaw. His hand moved a bit farther back and lingered by a scratch that trailed down the side of his neck. He could feel his heartbeat against his finger and how his neck moved when he swallowed. James continued to trace the scar until he reached the edge of his shirt, where the mark disappeared behind. He stopped for a moment to look Regulus in the eye before dropping his hand and knitting his eyebrows together.
Regulus took a few breaths before exhaling, “silence is so loud.” James frowned. He wished he knew how to help Regulus. The Black family troubles he’s grown accustomed to comforting, but this? This was foreign territory. He knew how to comfort Sirius about his family, but no words formed when it came to Regulus. Whether it be a family issue, or in this case not, James had no clue how to comfort him. He didn't know what made him laugh or what made him tick. He didn't have the slightest clue as to what made Regulus feel alright. That unknown tore at his insides.
“Sorry,” Regulus pulled him out of the fog with a whisper so quiet, it was nearly inaudible. James shook his head frantically and mouthed no, no, no. He hoped Reg would get the message, but he simply looked away and down at the mess of his cot. Or maybe, James thought, he was looking at the half eaten dessert. James pointed to it and raised his eyebrows. Regulus looked at the finger, then at James, and shook his head.
“Not hungry,” he mumbled and laid his head on his knees. His complexion was slightly blue, as the sun was gone and the moon began to shine. He looked more comfortable in this light, less out of place - like the moon and the night and Reg had an unspoken pact to protect each other. Regulus belonged with the constellations and the stars.
James thought of an idea. It was stupid, and probably incorrect, but James was willing to try it anyways. He slid off the windowsill and grabbed the heavily annotated book. Regulus watched him as he got up and his eyes followed him as he sat back down. James opened to the first page and cautiously reached for Reg’s hand. Regulus, confused, hesitated as James put the tips of Reg’s fingers on his neck and began to read.
He couldn't hear the words of course, but the vibrations were soothing. He laid his head down once more and was lulled to sleep by the crew who barely escaped the hands of death under the dust of the stars.