Expectations and Desire

Rons eyes are silently pleading with me. Begging me, not to kill him. I ignore the pleads and the green flash leaves my wand anyway, and Ron drops dead to the floor, eyes that were full of fear, now hold nothing. Death takes him and promises to hold him forever, in a place we do not know, and will not find. I step back a few paces and lower the wand, looking down at his lifeless body, and I scream. 

"Hermione darling, wake up, please. It's not real." I jolted awake and Draco was looking down at me holding my arms, and Theo was down by my legs. It felt like these were never going to stop. It always ended differently, though there were two fairly popular outcomes at the moment. Either I relive the entire ordeal and kill Ron, or relive it and miscarry. No matte what the end is, I always have to relive it all. It hurt me more each time I woke up. I had to relive it over and over, and it was killing me to do so. They had told me, when Ron was arrested he was held and a psych evaluation was done. He was admitted to St Mungos under 24 hour watch and mandatory counselling because I decided not to press charges, Draco and Theo initially argued with me about it but finally were convinced he needed to get help like I always said which he wouldn't have got if he went to prison. But I knew full well he could not hurt me anymore. But the mind is not so easily convinced with facts. 

I sat up and ran my hand through my hair tears running down my cheeks. I was so angry, that this was what Ron caused. It was his fault that I was going through this again. Draco and Theo were really worried about me and the baby as this wasn't helping the stress element and we were all concerned about the risks. Not that there was anything I could do to prevent the dreams from occurring of course. I stood up off the bed and put my hands on my hips trying to catch my breathe as Theo came closer to the edge of the bed.

"Sweetheart come and get back in to bed. You need to sleep." I shook my head as my tears continued to fall. I was so tired of this. So tired of fighting this again. I could hardly speak properly I was so breathless and the thought of this happening again terrified me.

"No. I can't do it again, I can't keep reliving it Theo." I put my head in my hands and Draco stood up wrapping his arms around me. I spoke into my hands quietly, though I don't know who I was asking. "Why did he do this to me?" Draco sighed and smoothed my hair speaking gently. 

"I'm sorry darling. I can't answer that, but like Theo said you need to sleep. You know, we know what it's like. But they will stop soon." Another fact, but that didn't help me right now. I couldn't go back to sleep. I shook my head and stepped out of the embrace. 

"I'm gonna go downstairs." I sniffed and made my way to the door but Theo let out a frustrated sigh to which Draco shot him a look. I knew it was a shit time for Theo at the moment. He was worried about me, worried about the baby, trying to quit smoking, and he was so tired because he went to the gym two hours a day if not more, to help with the urges and with his anger. He was moody most days, and arguments were a regular occurrence, though I still couldn't help my retort. "Theo I'm sorry but I won't go back to sleep so there's no point." He was getting more agitated by the second. 

"Yeah I know, I didn't mean to..." He brought his hand up to his face wiping down over it grumbling. "I'm just mad, that this is happening to you again. That because of him, you are being forced to deal with this and I can't fucking do anything to help you, I just have to sit and watch you in pain because of that.." Draco spoke with warning. 

"Theo. Enough." Theo shot off the bed even more angry. 

"It's true though Draco! It's been so hard for her to finally get to a place where she felt safe and comfortable and he's gone and fucked it all up, and it's not just her I'm worried about anymore, our child is involved in this!" Draco walked closer to him trying to stay as calm as possible. 

"Trust me, I understand that. But this isn't going to help anything." Theo looked at his watch and turned around to go to the closet. 

"Fuck this I'm going to the gym." 

"Baby it's three in the morning, and you literally went at eight until ten last night. You need to rest in between your sessions. This isn't healthy." Theo huffed out a laugh and shouted back from the closet. 

"I joined a 24 hour gym for this very reason and it's not as unhealthy as smoking. I'm going, and I'm not arguing about it anymore." Draco flopped back down onto the bed and buried his head into the pillow groaning as Theo emerged and opened the bedroom door chucking his final words over his shoulder. "See you later." I felt sorry for Draco. He had to deal with my mood swings, Theos mood swings, and was constantly trying to keep the peace between us all which was clearly not as easy as it seemed. I sat next to him and rubbed my hand up and down his back. 

"I'm sorry, we have been so difficult." Draco turned over onto his back and smiled at me. 

"It's okay, I knew this is what I would have to deal with, and that's purely just going off of what I was like a few months ago." I laughed and he opened his arms for me to enter them. "We'll get through it though. We always do." He kissed me on the head and I sighed.

"He'll be okay?"

"He'll be fine." I nodded and Draco drifted back off to sleep as I stared at the ceiling. Theo came back about two hours later all sweaty and flushed. He ran is hand through his hair and looked down at Draco smiling fondly stood at the end of the bed then looked to me and whispered. 

"I'm sorry, for getting so mad. I'll talk to him when he wakes up." I nodded and he turned to go and shower. 

"We aren't leaving, until you eat it." Draco put the plate in front of Theo and turned back around. He had been going to the gym so much, losing weight and gaining muscle, which was fine of course but he needed to fuel his body and Draco was worried he wasn't eating enough. Theo reluctantly began eating and I smirked laughing a little making Theo shoot his gaze to me grinning. 

"What are you laughing at over there?" I shrugged smiling back.

"Just at how the roles have reversed so drastically." Theo hummed not responding as he ate and Draco turned back round with another plate of food. 

"Well I don't know what you're so happy about over there darling." He put the plate down and wriggled his finger beckoning me over to the table. "Don't think you're getting out of eating. Come on." Theo laughed at the irony and I made my way over to the table sulking as Draco rolled his eyes muttering. "Honestly, it's like looking after children." Theo grinned and spoke seductively. 

"Sorry Daddy." Draco laughed out loud and shook his head. "I will try and be well behaved when we go shopping. But you know I'm not above begging for your attention and making a scene if I have to." Theo winked at me making me stifle a laugh. I didn't order any furniture for the baby's room when I was in hospital as I wanted us to do that together which was the plan for today. Everything else was fully decorated, even though I still hadn't even seen the house yet. 

"Oh shut up and eat your food both of you." We both laughed again and finished finally making our way to the shop.  

"Okay, how about this one?" I stood next to a white wooden crib and peered in. Theo shrugged. 

"Honestly they all look the same to me." Draco meandered over inspecting it carefully like he had the three previous ones. 

"Me too. Draco why are you being so specific with this?" I asked him.

"I just don't like how far apart the bar things are. What if she gets stuck in them or something?" 

"She won't be able to sleep on her own for a few months anyway, so she'll be in our room, and I'd be really surprised if she managed to get herself stuck with all three of us about. She will be fine."  

"You're just saying that so I hurry up and pick one aren't you?" I groaned and pointed to my bump. 

"I don't know if you noticed, but I have to carry this around with me everywhere I go and I can't stand anymore. But that is true though, that she can't sleep on her own for a few months."  

"Okay fair enough, we'll get this one. That's it right? We're all done?" Theo let out a breath of relief. 

"Oh good. Let's go get a drink. I'm absolutely dying in this heat." We made our way to a café and sat at a table closest to the door, it was a really hot summer and I was rarely comfortable. I had a pint glass full of ice cubes chewing on them to keep me as cool as possible. 

"So have either of you had any thoughts on first names? I chose the middle so it falls to you. I just need to approve it." I shrugged and they nodded. "Yay! Can I hear them?"

"We have two that we like. It was important to Draco that each name have some sort of meaning because he is over the top, and it was just important to me that I liked it. So we have Alya, and that means heaven, or sky. And the other is Halley, which means heroine. I like them both but we can't really decide. So you can choose, if you like them." That was a tough decision. 

"Aw I actually really like them both." I sat back and got an ice cube out crunching it between my teeth as I thought about it making Draco cringe. 

"I really, don't know how you do that." I smiled and shrugged one shoulder. "How are your teeth not affected?" I smiled and shrugged.

"I'm not a baby." I winked and Draco hummed. 

"I'll be sure to add that to your ever growing list." I gasped and sat forward. 

"It can't be that big? I'm always good." They both scoffed and I picked up my glass of water. 

I can't wait until I'm able to make you beg for your release again darling. You're going to regret not behaving yourself. 

I almost choked on my water at Dracos little comment. They had been teaching me for the past few weeks how to communicate without speaking as promised. Seeing as my list is long anyway, may as well add to it. 

If you say so. I grinned and Draco raised his eyebrow. 

"Oh yes. I really can't wait. Ohby the way Theo has to go away soon." I frowned and looked between them. 

"Yeah I have to go to America, but it will definitely be before the baby comes, and it's only for a few days." That made me sad. I hated it when one of them or worse both of them had to go away for work, especially overnight. I pouted and looked out the window. 

"Aw I'm sorry sweetheart, but it's only for two nights. Will it make you feel better if we take you to see the new house after this?" I turned my head slowly to look at him. 

"It's finished?" 

"All but the baby's room. We were going to wait until it was all finished but we can take you today if you want?" I nodded and Draco pointed at me. 

"Then lose the sad face because I can't stop Theo from leaving. Unless I go instead?" I shook my head and crunched more on the ice cubes making Draco groan again. 

We pulled onto a large gated driveway and the driver swiped a fob over a panel on the wall and the gates opened letting us in. Fancy. He drove up the road and the house came into view. It had a white exterior with beautiful high arched windows on the lower floor, on the top floor they were still arched though not as big. There was a separate building to the right which I assume was the gym/garage I saw on the floor plan. We got out of the car and approached the double natural wooden doors, pushing one half of it inward turning the doorknob and entered a large foyer, the floor polished wood. The walls were off white and had all different kinds of art work hanging from them, the ceilings were high and wooden beams ran along them, showing the natural structure of the building. A staircase was in the middle of the room. It was quite open plan, the right leading to the dining room, the left to the living room both with a wide arch to enter instead of a door. Draco pointed to two other doors under the stairs.

"Downstairs bathroom, and coat closet." I nodded and turned left walking into the living area. There was a fireplace on the far wall in the middle and it had the same floors as the foyer but it was kitted out already with everything I had ordered. It had the large white and green patterned rug, in the center, the green fabric sofa opposite the fireplace and white arm chairs either side. A large mirror hung above the fire place and against the left wall was a small gold trolley with different drinks atop of it. Along the back wall behind the sofa was a wooden unit with a green runner going across it with a vase and flowers in the center.

There was a door on the right wall which led through to the office. I walked in and the window was arched, same as the front of the house and had a view of the garden. The desk was in front of the window, the chair this side of the desk so while working you would be looking out to the garden. There was a book shelf on the right wall that went from floor to ceiling with a slide along step ladder to access the higher shelves. The same theme ran throughout the house, wood, white, gold and sage green. 

"Please tell me we can lock the door to the office? I don't wanna have to worry about her climbing that ladder." Theo nodded and looked around. 

"Can I just quickly say you did good with the furniture love. It looks amazing."

"Yeah, the green is a nice touch." Draco winked. 

"I thought you might like it. I have the gold, you have the green." I walked out the office and across the foyer to the other side of the house and came into the dining room. The long wooden table and benches that tuck neatly underneath was in the center of it with woven place mats, three on each side and one each end. A green dining chair was either end of the table that closely matched the sofa in colour. Above the table were six hanging light bulbs that followed the length of the table spaced out evenly. I turned left and walked into the open plan kitchen. It had an island in the center and sage green units all around the three walls, natural wooden counter tops and gold hardware. A spider gas cooker on the left with an oven underneath. The sink was in the far unit below the window showing the garden. 

Theo took my hand leading me up the natural wooden staircase. I ran my hand along the banister, the wood soft and shiny beneath my fingers. We got to the top and I looked down either side the hallway. There were five doors all together. Three along the wall I was facing, one on the far right, and one opposite the furthest left door along the back wall. I went into that one first and entered the main bathroom. It had a large shower unit which ran along the entire back wall, with a waterfall shower in the ceiling and a normal shower on the right side attached to the wall. There was a bath tub to my right which I was already looking forward to using, though I would miss the jacuzzi. I walked into the opposite door that was for the moment, a spare bedroom. The one to the right of that was the baby's room not yet furnished, and our room was the far right side.The bed was the same one we had at the flat which I ordered in a bigger size due to how comfy it was. There were wooden bedside drawers either side of the bed and a green and white rug similar to the living room on the floor. In front of the arched window which was draped with white sheer curtains, there were two green armchairs facing each other at an angle. 

"Where's the closet?" I asked excited. Draco laughed and left the bedroom turning into the last door and it opened to a walk in closet, but it was just Dracos clothes in this section. He didn't really care much for the closet like me and Theo. There was an entryway on the left wall and the right wall of his closet. I turned back to them and Draco pointed. 

"Left side." I went in to an even bigger closet than Dracos, that was full of all my clothes bags and shoes that had been moved so far. It wasn't full yet, and I was so excited to add more to it. There were things hung up, sections of folded clothes, a wall of bags and shoes and in the middle of the room was a unit similar to the one in the flat that held all my jewelry and accessories. 

"Oh my god I am in love. I'll just live in here." Theo laughed and pointed to the right at a section of folded things. 

"Noticed that section over there that isn't your stuff?" I walked over and looked through the clothes and gasped. It was all of my favourite jumpers and t-shirts of his. 

"I have my own little Theo section!" He laughed and hugged his arms around me resting his chin on my head. 

"Now you can stop stealing the rest of my stuff. I organised this ages ago, it has been weeks in the making. I have worn them all, so they smell like me and I even smoked when I wore them. If that's not dedication sweetheart I dunno what is." I turned in his arms and kissed him and pulled back with a huge grin.

"That is very impressive. You are so spoiled." Draco said shaking his head. 

"Don't think I won't still steal your stuff when I run out though. I don't care that it won't smell of the smoking." 

"I would expect nothing less my love." We left the closet and stood in the hallway. "So you like it then?"

"I love it. This house is just.." I didn't know what to say. No words seemed to do it justice. 

"Outrageous?" Theo asked making me laugh. 

"Very. But it's perfect." 

"We're glad you like it. It's ready to move into whenever you're ready darling." 

"Well I'm ready. We just need to do the baby's room but we can do that when we're in I guess. What are you going to do with the flat?" 

"Nothing really, probably just keep it. We can't exactly rent it out." Draco said making his way downstairs. 

"Maybe we'll use it as a place Draco can go when he pisses one of us off and we don't want him in the house." Theo said winking at me. 

"I heard that Theo and I will not be going anywhere. I can sleep on the sofa just fine. Also why am I the one pissing you off, you are far more irritating than me. Especially at the moment." Theo scoffed. 

"True as that may be, I am a lovable kind of irritating. You're just..." Dracos voice lowered. 

"Theodore, be careful what you say. You don't wanna go getting yourself into trouble now do you." Draco winked and Theo shivered. This was unfair. 

"I can't wait to give birth. I can have all the things I miss again." Draco chuckled and Theo put his hand to his chin. 

"Out of interest, what's highest on that list? Us, or coffee?" I bit my lip and smiled. 

"I'd better not say babe. You're not going to like the answer." 

Theo put down his suitcase and hugged me for what was probably the hundredth time in the past ten minutes. 

But who's going to make sure we eat actual food?" He laughed and kissed my head. He had been trying to leave for ages but I kept stopping him. 

"I will only be gone for two nights sweetheart. Draco can cook, though he isn't as good as me. If it's really that bad though just order takeout. Behave yourself while I'm gone." He winked at me and hugged Draco. "Love you." He kissed me on the head once more actually leaving this time. We shut the door and I pouted. 

"This better not be a regular thing with you both." Draco shook his head and took my hand walking back into the flat. We were surrounded with boxes as we were in the process of packing to move out. 

"We will try our best to keep it to a minimum for you. Anyway it'll fly by, we'll be busy moving into the new house so you'll be distracted." I shook my head disagreeing. It wouldn't fly by. "Do you want to aim to be in the new house by the time he's back? That might be a nice surprise for him actually." Draco stated. 

"Yeah let's do it. Hopefully he doesn't come back here and think we've abandoned him." Draco scoffed and began to move boxes closer to the door. "Are you going to be moving all of these yourself?" 

"No chance. I'm getting movers to do it. I honestly can't believe how many clothes you and Theo have between you. It's out of control." I laughed and shrugged walking over to him wrapping my arms around his wait and smiled up at him. 

"You spoil us too much. It's your own fault really." He raised his eyebrow at me and smirked. 

"Well in that case, I'll stop?" I glared up at him. "Hm, maybe not." I nodded and we spent the rest of the day making sure everything was packed for moving tomorrow.  

Dracos phone buzzed and he groaned turning over in bed and answered it with a raspy voice. 

"Theo it's 5am. Are you okay?" Draco paused and I turned over and looked at him in question. "Don't worry. No of course I'm not." I frowned and Draco looked at me and put him on speaker. 

"I didn't even want to do it, and now I feel like shit. It was just a nightmare getting here, and then loads of people were doing it, and I had some drinks and then I did it, and I didn't want to disappoint you. Or Hermione." What was he talking about? "I promised I'd quit before the baby came and she's due in two weeks." Ahh, he must have smoked. He hadn't smoked in a few months. I wanted to give him a hug. "So I phoned you so you could tell me how terrible I was and to not do it again." 

"Well you're out of luck there babe. This is what, one time in months? I'm not disappointed, or mad, or going to tell you you're a terrible person."

"Then let Hermione tell me."

"Okay, but she may tell you the same as I did. Love you." Draco passed me the phone and led back down.

"I'm not disappointed. Please don't beat yourself up over this, it was one time. You've done so well, don't let this make you feel bad." 

"Thanks sweetheart. I'm sorry for waking you both as well, it's nine over here and I forget about the time difference."You know I never used to miss Draco this much if I had to go away and all I want to do now is come home to you both." Draco mumbled how he resented that fact making Theo laugh. 

"That's because I'm pregnant, and you miss her too now."  

"You're probably right. As always."

"Oh Theo you really do know the way to my heart." He laughed again and Draco placed his hand smoothing over my bump making her kick.