Chapter 11
We followed Draco trying to get him to stop and talk to us but he continued walking ignoring our pleas. He saw an empty classroom and went in, me and Theo following behind. I shut and locked the door behind us, closing the blind and casting a silencing charm to avoid any disturbances. He was pacing the room up and down, like he was arguing with himself in his head. Theo approached him slowly and held his arm to try and keep him still for a second, Draco stopped and looked at Theo, his face livid.
"I know what you're thinking Dray, but please, don't even go there, do you understand me? You've come too far for the likes of that bastard to drag you back." Theo said with anger in his voice. I had never heard him speak that way before. He was always so upbeat, never too serious. Draco ripped his arm from Theos grasp.
"The fuck am I supposed to think Theo? He was right! I am a death eater. Everything he said, was the truth. The tattoo on my arm doesn't say any differently. And I could have done it you know. I could have tortured him without a second thought. Happily. I don't give a fuck what he says about me, but you as well? He's lucky I didn't torture him then and there." Draco was practically spitting venom as he spoke. It was scary to see him like this, but I didn't feel scared. I felt sad. Sad that Draco believed what that piece of shit Preece had to say. Theo didn't falter keeping his stance strong, regardless of Dracos angry outburst.
"No you wouldn't have. I know it, and you know it so stop. You are not that person. That tattoo, doesn't mean shit. It's a scar. We've all got scars, and that's one of yours. I am not letting you go back to this way of thinking about yourself. Plus I can take care of myself, I'm a big boy. I don't care what he has to say about me, and you shouldn't either" Draco went back to pacing now. Theo let out a frustrated sigh and turned and walked back toward me flopping onto the floor his back against the wall, down next to my feet. I slid down the wall and sat next to him.
"What can I do?" I ask quietly.
"Nothing, he's impossible when he's like this. I've worked so hard in building up his confidence and then this happens. He thinks he's not deserving of me, or anything else for that matter because of that fucking tattoo. I don't know what else I can do to make him believe he's not what he thinks he is." Theo sighed and brought his hand up rubbing his forehead.
"Do you mind if.. can I try and talk to him?" I asked Theo not wanting to over step.
"Be my guest. But good luck, he's impossible!" He said loudly so Draco would hear him, not that he seemed to notice or care. He lit up a cigarette and I stood up and approached Draco slowly, I touched his arm lightly to try and get him to stop pacing but he moved away from me and continued to pace. I sighed and sat on the edge of a desk swinging my legs. A few moments passed of Draco continuously pacing and Theo smoking his cigarette, both of us watching him.
"Draco, do you think I'm a mudblood?" I asked straight out, the word hanging between us all. Draco stopped pacing immediately and turned to face me, Theo stilled, his cigarette hanging from his mouth. They were both staring at me like I had gone mad. I asked again.
"Well do you? Do you think, I am a mudblood?" I said again matter of factly.
"What.. Granger..of course not!" He half shouted shocked I had even considered it. "Why would you even ask me that?" He moved closer now standing directly in front of me. I looked to Theo and he gave me a wink having now caught up with where I was going with this. He took a long drag from his cigarette ready to watch the conversation unfold. I pulled up my sleeve and showed the scar to him.
"Well, this says I am. So I must be one, right?" He took my arm in his hands so gently like I would shatter if he held onto me too hard, and looked at it with a great sadness, then back up at me.
"No. Not right. This word, was carved into you, against your will, by one of the most evil people to ever walk this earth. How could you possibly think like that?" I was still baffled that he wasn't getting where I was coming from. I grabbed his arm and pulled his sleeve up revealing his dark mark. He tried to pull his arm away from me his face twisting with disgust but I held firm and put my arm next to his.
"So was yours, Draco. Under different circumstances yes, but you were made to take this, against your will, and even more than that, it was to save someone you loved. You should remember that when you look at it" He was staring straight into my eyes, his were welling up with tears. I gestured down to our arms. "These, right here. They're the same thing. Permanent, given to us unwillingly, and they are not a mark of not what we are, but a mark of strength. Of survival. Just because you have this on your arm, does not mean it defines who you are. This, does not define you. You define you. You are not a death eater. The same as I am not a mudblood. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of happiness. The way you feel about my scar. Well it's the same way we feel about yours. That's all it is" I finished talking and he stepped forward, pushing in between my legs. He brought his head down, resting his forehead on mine.
"Thank you" He whispered. I nodded and he brought his head down, edging his lips closer to mine. I closed my eyes and was leaning forward too. Our lips barely grazed each others before I snapped out of it. What the fuck am I doing? I jolted back quickly and stood abruptly looking at Theo who was till sat on the floor, his cigarette forgotten between his fingers, mouth open wide at the almost kiss me and Draco shared. I ran from the classroom heading back to the 8th year tower. Stupid, stupid!
"No, Hermione wait!" Was that Theo or Draco? I don't know. I didn't stop to look back. I was such an idiot! I ran to my bedroom and went in locking the door behind me. I was about to kiss Theo's boyfriend in front of him?! What was wrong with me?! How could I be so dumb, I was supposed to be Theo's friend! I heard them both then outside my door, knocking and pleading me to answer it. I was pacing up and down trying to drown out their pleas.
"Hermione, it's okay, let us in, we can explain!" Theo said banging on the door.
"Hermione please let us in, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.. please, let us talk to you? I didn't mean..." Draco was pleading now stumbling over his words.
I flopped down onto my bed burying my face into my pillow. I stayed on my bed while they continued pleading a little while longer before it died down. How could I ever face them again?
"Hermione, I will sleep outside this door if I have to. I'm not leaving until I talk to you. I know you're probably beating yourself up in there and it's not necessary. Please let me in sweetheart." What was I going to do? I couldn't avoid them forever. I had to leave my room eventually, I couldn't climb out the window and I couldn't apparate within Hogwarts grounds. I stayed longer on the bed trying to think through my escape options coming to nothing.
I finally waved my wand unlocking the door, hearing it click as it did so. I didn't move from my bed though. It didn't take long before I heard the door open more and shut. I felt the bed dip down, still not moving from where I was. I couldn't look at whoever it was that came in.
"Thank you." It was Theo. "Please look at me." I let out a sigh and sat up on the bed.
"Now, before you start freaking out up in that brilliant head of yours, Draco's fine. He thought just one of us should come in and talk to you as not to overwhelm you. Now, let me start by saying one, thank you for talking to him down there. You have no idea how much I struggle to get him to see what we see, and your speech was nothing but absolute genius, and the most heart warming thing I think I ever heard. It meant more than you could know to him and to me." I merely nodded my head once, still not looking him in the eye.
"And two, you have no idea, how badly, I wanted you to kiss Draco just now. How badly Draco wanted to kiss you too." Well that's me lost. Why would Theo want me to kiss Draco? Why would Draco want me to kiss him?
"I can see your wheels turning already trying to work it out so let me take you back to 4th year. Me and Draco hadn't really done much of anything at this point, we were very close friends, we knew we liked each other in a more than friends kinda way, but had never tried anything sexual or admitted our feelings for one another yet, so of course we just dated girls trying to look 'normal'. It was the night of the yule ball, we were both waiting for our dates come out of the bathroom. Then, you turn around the corner and show your beautiful self, and well, lets just say the obsession for Draco grew from that point on. I thought you looked amazing don't get me wrong, but my attraction for you came later on in 5th year." Draco had fancied me since 4th year? And Theo since 5th?! I was speechless. I felt like I was dreaming.
"Anyway, he was infatuated with you. Everything you did, drove him crazy. As you know, we were both brought up and taught to hate people like you, so we both felt so conflicted all the time. If Draco's thoughts were anything like mine, well I pretty much hated myself for liking you. One night we were just chatting and you came up in conversation. We spoke some more and because we told each other practically everything, we both admitted we liked you. It felt so good to know we weren't the only ones with these conflicting feelings. Like we weren't doing anything wrong or dirty by thinking you were attractive, or liking you." I can't believe what I'm hearing. "We spent more time with each other, got to experimenting sexually, and well here we are today. As our feelings grew for each other, our feelings also grew for you."
"But how does that make you want your boyfriend to kiss me Theo? That doesn't make any sense?" Unless they just wanted to befriend me to play out their fantasy and get it out of their system. Is that the only reason they befriended me? "Did you just befriended me to play out your fantasy because you both liked me?" My heart sank and I stood up and walked to the other side of the room hugging my arms around me. How could I be so stupid?
"What? No, no, no you've got it all wrong Hermione, I promise that's not what this is!" Theo looked terrified now after hearing my conclusion.
"Then what in Godrics name is it then Theo?!" I was shouting now, I felt like I was going to throw up. Why didn't I see this coming? Why did I trust they wanted to be my friend? I'm so naive. I should have just kept to myself.
"Salazars rod I am doing such a bad job of this. This is so difficult to say to you!" Theo ran his hand through his hair and sighed.
"Just say it Theo! It can't be any worse than what's happening in my head." I admitted. I just wanted him to say it, get it over with so I can go back to isolating myself and finishing up the school year without any drama and get the fuck out of here like I should have done from the very start.
"We like you okay?! Me and Draco like you!" Theo said in hopes it would help. It didn't.
"I know, you have made that perfectly clear already! It's not helping me right now though, I don't understand!"
"I mean we want you! We want to be with you Hermione!" Didn't see that coming. They want to be with me? Like in a relationship? Together? Me and Theo, me and Draco, Draco and Theo? I put my head in my hands still so confused. Brightest witch of our age my ass.
"Me and Draco, want to be with you. This was never a ruse to trick you or sleep with you or anything like that. This is real. And call me crazy but, sometimes, I really thought you might have liked us too?" Theos voice trailed off slightly at then end. I did like them. Quite a bit in fact. This was a lot to take in though. To go from thinking they hate me, to being friends, to fantasizing about being with them both, to my fantasy coming somewhat true? An emotional roller coaster I never thought I'd be on that's for sure.
"Please say something. What's going on up there? It's killing me not knowing what you're thinking."
"This is just.. a lot to take in. I mean, yes you're right, I liked you. I liked you both. I LIKE you both I mean. A lot in fact. But how does that work? What does it mean? I need to know the logistics, my brain doesn't function without cold hard facts. I need answers, is it a relationship? Friends with benefits? Do I get to date other people or is this an all in thing?" I was listing off each thought as it came into my brain, Theo looked as overwhelmed as me now.
"Okay, that's a lot of questions and I really feel like I need to get Draco in here to help me answer all of them. Mind if I go get him? He's probably dying to know what's going on too?" I just nodded once and he left to get Draco.