Chapter 12
Theo was gone for about 15 minutes, probably catching Draco up on our conversation. From the sounds of it, both of them had been waiting for this moment for years. I had butterflies in my stomach getting worse each minute they were away. In their absence I sent a patronus to McGonagall to explain our absence from the rest of the classes this afternoon. I said all three of us needed some mental time away after the DADA class, she sent one back saying she understood and would send word to all our teachers to excuse us for the day. I kept looking toward the door expecting them to come in at any moment. With the butterflies getting worse it was making me feel slightly sick. Theo's admission about them both liking me for years was a lot to take in. How was this going to even work?
The door finally opened suddenly and they both filed in making me jump a bit. Here goes nothing.
"Right, now that we're all here. Talk" I demanded staying stood at the foot of the bed, hands on my hips. They exchanged a concerned look before Draco came to stand in front of me. He stood for a moment then leaned his head down suddenly taking me in a kiss. I had been kissed before. But never like this. This was pure passion. He started off gently, and then pushed his tongue forward slightly asking for permission to enter my mouth. I gave it to him. He was stimulating my mouth like I never knew was possible. One hand came up from my waist into my hair, holding my head in place while his other arm stayed on my waist his hand snaking around me pulling me in closer to him. I completely melted into him, kissing him with as much drive and passion as he was me. He released me from the kiss and nipped at my bottom lip before then staring directly into my eyes. I was gasping trying to capture my breathe, my core was throbbing and I could feel my arousal between my legs. That wasn't talking. But I wasn't complaining either.
"Well fuck. That was possibly, the hottest thing I've seen to date. Please keep going" Theo said, eyes fixated on us both. Draco didn't turn to look at him but smiled at his remark. He stayed staring at me. My cheeks pinked under his gaze and I looked away. He brought his hand up holding my chin and turned my head gently to look back at him.
"Sorry. But I've been wanting to do that for days." He said still smiling. He stepped back then releasing me from his hold, I felt weak all of a sudden, like my legs were about to collapse from underneath me. I sat down on the bed as to not fall onto the floor. It felt like I had forgotten every word in the English speaking language. His kiss had an effect on me that I had never experienced before.
"I think you've broken her Dray." Theo said looking at me grinning. I finally recovered from my daze.
"Theo has caught me up on your earlier chat, and if it's any consolation, I'm sorry this wasn't better handled. I kind of lost my head down there. After you said all those things to me, it was all I could do but to kiss you. I understand why you ran and well, I'm just sorry for freaking you out." Draco finished and I finally found my voice.
"So, at the risk of sounding like a complete idiot, what is it you both want exactly?" I questioned them both. "I mean, I have heard of having more than one partner, they're not all that common in the muggle world though. Theo said you both liked me, but that could mean any number of things."
"They're a lot more common in the wizarding world. It's pretty normal to have more than one partner. It's usually three people, but I know of a few with four people in one relationship. And regarding what we 'want' well that's kind of harder to explain." Theo said apologetically smiling.
"Well, speaking in a best case scenario, we would like you to be in a relationship with us. Whatever that means to you." Draco said trying to better answer my question.
"So, we would all be in a relationship?" They both nodded.
"Yes, but if it makes you feel any better, this is new for me and Theo too. We've never proposed this to anyone else before, so we'll be navigating this just like you. Learning every day. I get that its not going to be easy. But we both want to work for this."
"Well, my concern is though, see, you two have.. well you've already." I internally cursed myself for being such a prude. Just say it Hermione! Sex. "Well you already.. know each other so well. How am I going to slot into that without either, one, ruining your already perfect relationship, or two, not knowing anything about..." I stopped talking. Just say it!
"Okay, first of all, our relationship is not 'perfect' we argue, we have our bad days, but we work through them, like any other normal couple. Yes we technically already have a head start having known each other so long and been together for a while, but I like to think that if, perish the thought, this were to not work out, then mine and Theos relationship is strong enough to come back from that. And how you would 'slot in'.. I guess I can't really answer that. It would be a leap of faith." He shrugged. He still wasn't getting what I meant with my other concern.
"Okay, and that's great, but Draco, I'm a...I've never done.. anything.. you know, sexually... is that, I don't know, going to be a problem?" Dracos eyes darkened and he gave me a look of pure lust and want. Was he turned on by that? I thought inexperience would be a huge turn off. He stood up clearing his throat. I looked at Theo confused. "Have I insulted him or something?" He was smiling trying his best not to laugh at Draco who now had one hand against the wall propping himself up.
"Don't mind him, he's just trying to control his...thoughts." Theo said rolling his eyes. I'm still confused. Control his thoughts? "Hermione, just in answer to your statement, that, is fine. There is absolutely never going to be any pressure to do anything you don't want to do. You set the pace in this, okay? Not us. It's never been about that for either of us and that hasn't changed."
"Well, what if I want to do something?" I asked innocently. Draco threw his head back letting out a strangled groan.
"Please Hermione, say more things like that, I wanna see how long it will take before he collapses to the floor!" Theo was uncontrollably laughing now tears streaming down his face.
"What why? Will someone please tell me what is going on?!" I was so confused! Draco stayed where he was, shooting Theo a look of frustration. Theo recovered from his laughing fit and turned back to me still smiling.
"Lets just say, Draco loves... corrupting innocence." He winked at me then, well that cleared up absolutely nothing.
Draco took a deep breathe. "I'll explain it another day, but just to reiterate, Theo was right. This moves at your pace not ours. If you want to do.. something.. then just vocalize it with us. Otherwise, it will just come naturally, if that's what you want. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, it's all part of getting to know each other. But I can't stress enough that the last thing we would ever want to do, is pressure you or take this at a speed you're not ready for, okay?" I nodded in agreement. Draco shook his head.
"No Hermione, first thing you need to know about me, I need verbal confirmation, a nod won't cut it. You need to tell me you understand." I looked at him confused, then to Theo.
"It’s a consent thing. I have to do it too" Theo explained shrugging his shoulders.
"Yes, okay, move at my pace, got it.." I said finally. He looked satisfied and turned to Theo then, his voice a lot lower than just now.
"As for you. You better be ready for me later after laughing at me how you did just then." Theo squirmed as he spoke and smiled menacingly, looking excited. I squirmed a bit too, his low voice was making me giddy. Draco and Theo looked at me taking in my reaction. Draco smirked, looking more turned on than before, if that was even possible.
"Hmm, looks like you might have another sub on your hands there Draco." Theo said looking amused. Sub?
"Sorry, you're going to have to clear that up for me too?" I stated. There was so much to learn with these two. I hated how sheltered I was to all this sort of stuff. I now wish I had done it with Ron or at least had a few more girl friends I could talk about it with. I had only ever heard talk in the girls bathroom but never joined in with it all.
"Umm, okay I'll try to but it's not a set in stone thing. Draco's voice just then, you noticed it was lower, more dominant?" I nodded, though still not sure what this had to do with anything. "And you noticed how I reacted to it, unlike when he usually speaks? You noticed how you reacted to it as well?" I thought then back to when we were sat drinking tea downstairs on the first night here.
"Yes, I remember it happening downstairs too, the first night here. He called you… something, but I remember feeling…" I trailed off then not wanting to admit how turned on i had gotten by it.
“You remember feeling..?” Theo said making me finish my sentence. I rolled my eyes, I guess I need to stop being so embarrassed by this.
“Turned on by it.” I finished quickly.
"Is that right darling?" Draco said again in the lower voice. Theo and I both shuddered again and Draco chuckled darkly. "Basically, it's a dynamic, can be in or out of the bedroom, for us, at the moment anyway, it's mainly in the bedroom but not all the time. In which Theo, the sub, or 'submissive' takes on the role of the pleaser, or sometimes, when he wants to, takes on the role of a 'brat'. He tests me, in order to get a response. Then myself, the dom, or 'dominant' takes on the role of the enforcer, or the protector, of the sub." This was making so much sense now.
"Well I guess that makes sense. So when you weren't drinking much the other night, and looking after Theo, you were taking on the role of the protector?" I asked with a realisation.
He shrugged “Kind of, yes. I was looking after you too by the way. Anyway, there are certain rules that Theo and me have set, and in a way he broke one by laughing at me just then, so in turn, I enforce a punishment”
“Wait, a punishment? Isn’t that a bad thing?” There were so many layers to this.
“The rules we set, as easy as they are to follow, Theo breaks them on purpose, or in this case it was more of an accident, in order to get a reaction from me. And that’s in form of a ‘punishment’ and he loves it. So, no it’s not a bad thing.” I wonder what the punishments entail?
“What are the rules and punishments?” I ask intrigued. Theo turned to me and explained.
“With the rules they sometimes change or more are added depending on situation, where were are, and Draco lets me know if that’s the case. But mainly, there are 2 pretty big rules. The first is to respect him at all times, pretty simple. So my laughing at him earlier was in a way crossing that line. And the second, is to not make him feel jealous or belittled, purposefully, especially when talking with other people. I must admit though, that’s probably the one I have broken the most.” He said smirking at Draco. "There are of course layers to those. With the punishments, they vary too, but mainly it's spanking or orgasm denial."
“So when you flirt with people you’re trying to get a reaction out of him? But, you flirt with everyone...No offence”
“He tries, but it’s not often it tends to work. As you’ve rightly pointed out, Theo flirts with pretty much everyone. So now, I also get to have fun with it, by seeing how far Theo will go to get a reaction out of me. So his meaningless flirting that you’ve seen him do with people, doesn’t really get to me anymore and he has to work really hard to push me over the edge.” I’d love to see what he does to get him there.
"There was one time, where I allowed another man to touch my leg when I was harmlessly flirting, trying to make Draco jealous. It did not end well. The guy ended up with a bloody nose and I could barely walk for two days after... but I had never had that many orgasms in one night so it wasn't all bad" Theo shrugged. He couldn't walk?!
"You had to be reminded no one can make you feel like I can" Draco argued. Theo winked at him. “So Hermione, just so we are all on the same page, you want to try this? The whole sub thing doesn’t have to be for you if you don’t want it too, you don’t have to think or worry about sex either right now. But, do you want to be in a relationship with us?" Draco asked his eyes full of hope. I really did want to try this. I know there was going to be a lot that I would have to learn and get used to. The main thing being not having to deal with stuff on my own. To be able to ask for help if I needed it. That was going to be my hardest obstacle I think. I was so used to being on my own.
"Yes, I do. I want.. I want you both." I confirmed. They both grinned. I was so excited to get to know them more intimately.
"Well, I'm starved, anyone fancy coming down to lunch?" Draco said whilst walking to the door. Theo agreed and left. I hesitated wondering if I should follow them out. I didn't really fancy eating anything.
"You know what, I sent word to McGonagall to say we needed some mental time to recover from DADA and she excused us from the rest of the classes this afternoon. I better go tell her we're all okay and get any homework we may have missed so far. You carry on. I'll see you later?" Theo laughed at the fact I was offering to get homework, but Draco eyed me suspiciously.
"Hermione, you've hardly ate anything today, are you sure you don't want us to bring you anything?" He said concerned. I shook my head and picked up my bag, pulling out the apple he gave me this morning.
"I'm not hungry, plus I've got my snack remember?" I said flashing the apple at him. "You two go ahead and I'll meet you back here later on. I'll probably head to the library as well to catch up on any work so if you need me that's where I'll be" I smiled as convincingly as I could, and Draco nodded and stepped forward pressing a lingering kiss to my forehead.
"Alright, see you later darling" I made my way down to McGonagall's new office, I hadn't seen it since Dumbledore passed. As soon as I got there the door opened like she was expecting me and I saw her sat at the desk. The layout was pretty much the same as before, a few more feminine touches around the place. Dumbledore's portrait hung behind her on the wall, he was sat in a chair asleep.
"Hermione dear, thank you for making me aware of this mornings events. How are you doing?" She asked looking down past her glasses.
"You're welcome, I just didn't want our first day to be set off with us not attending lessons without reason. Thank you for being so understanding. I'm okay."
"And I trust Mr. Nott and Mr. Malfoy are okay as well?" Oh, they are more than okay.
"They're fine, thank you. That Preece kid really was acting outrageously towards them. It was so uncalled for. I thought that once the war ended, these silly prejudices and judgments would be over. But I guess not." I huffed and collapsed down into one of the chairs the other side of the desk. All of my feelings from earlier today flooding back to me all at once. McGonagall continued to stare at me, giving me a small smile.
"I know dear. Rest assured he was not let off lightly. But, like I said at the very beginning of the school year. You must lead by example. All of you getting along will hopefully show the rest of the school that not only have you come back, but you have come back as a strong unit of young adults who were, quite literally on opposite sides of the war. And if you can look past it, and see that not everything is quite as it seems, then they will follow in your steps. I am sure of that." She stood up and walked around taking a seat in the chair next to me now. "And, between you and me, off the record. I just want you to know. If you ever need to talk about anything. Anything at all. Please know you can come to me. I know how hard it must be to not only come back to a new school year without your closest friends, but I know you also don't have your parents." I was grateful with what she was trying to say. I told her myself about my parents before I came back and she had been nothing but supportive.
"Thankyou, Headmistress. Now if there is nothing else, I am going to go and collect any homework and do some catching up in the library?" She nodded and squeezed my hand before excusing me.
"Oh and Hermione?" I turned back at the doorway. "Happy Birthday for tomorrow" She smiled sadly and I nodded and left. Oh yeah.I shook the thought from my head and went to get any homework. Luckily there was only one paper due for study of ancient runes so I made sure to get all the info for Theo and Draco as well as myself. I might as well make a head start on it. I made my way to the library and went to the back and sat on my favourite table below one of the windows. I collected a number of texts in order to decipher my chapter of runes. We each had different chapters to work out and I had made good head way on mine but I needed to take a break. I set down my quill and curled up on the chair facing out the window.
I felt a bit numb. I wondered then, at what point, did I make this 360 turn? I was, happy literally all of 30 minutes ago. How does my mind decide where that line lies? When did I cross it? Is it just when I am left alone? Did I need to rely on people to make me feel good. Make me feel anything other than empty. It feels like a part of me is missing and I can't fill it. I try, so hard. I push through every day that comes always on little sleep, with little energy, I still get up, I still face the day, and it seems that unless I'm with Theo and Draco, I'm knocked back down on my ass. I'm not this person, am I? Have I lost that part of me, that independent, swotty, take no crap part of me. Is this who I am now? A dependent, needy girl who can't be alone for more than 20 minutes without falling into a pit of despair? I noticed then that I was silently crying. I wiped my tears away and shut my eyes, searching my mind for that missing piece. Did anyone else have to rely on someone after the war or was it just me?
"Hermione, hey, wake up darling." I felt someone nudging my shoulder gently. I opened my eyes to see Draco knelt next to my chair. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, they had crusty bits in the corners from my crying earlier. Looking around the library it was empty and dark. Shit, I must have fallen asleep.
"Hey" I croaked still a bit dazed from my sleep. He smiled and was running his finger gently up and down my arm.
"Hey. I hadn't seen you in while so I got worried and came looking for you. Are you alright?" I nodded and began gathering up all my papers and books. "So, me and Theo have some things we need to do in the evenings and weekend for the next few weeks, so you won't see us much. We will still be attending our classes, but I just wanted to let you know so you don't think we've run off anywhere." Things to do?
"If you don't mind me asking, what will you be doing?" I asked as we left the library.
"Sorry darling, I can't actually tell you. But it's nothing bad or to be worried about, if that helps. I promise it won't be a secret much longer and you will find out soon, just not tonight." I nodded in understanding. Fair enough I guess.
"Well I'm sorry you won't be around. It's a shame, I was hoping to...I don't know, never mind. Thanks or letting me know anyway" We walked back to the tower and I felt tired. We stopped outside my door.
"Don't feel like you have to, but feel free to stay with us tonight. Don't feel like you have to go back to your room." Draco said looking at his feet.
"Thanks, but you may not get great sleep if I stay so it's probably best I don't. Thank you though."
"Remember, any night terrors or bad dreams.."
"I'll come to you. Don't worry, I promise I will. It's unlikely tonight though, I plan on taking some dreamless sleep potion. If I don't then there's no way I'm passing any of my O.W.Ls because I'll have slept through all my lessons. Oh! Speaking of which I have your runes homework." I rummaged through my bag but there was so much going on in there I couldn't find it. I went into my room and emptied the contents of the bag out on the bed. I began to pick through all the papers and books when Draco walked forward and picked up and held the uneaten apple out in front of him. It was just an apple. But I think it said a lot. Maybe I should have binned it.
"Oh, I wasn't..."
"Hungry. Yeah." He finished my sentence. I bit my lip and felt anger rise up inside me.
"That's not fair. You don't know... I can manage myself, Draco. I'm a grown adult." I was getting so defensive.
"I never said you couldn't Hermione. But are you..are you really, okay? Because you keep saying you're okay, that's what I keep hearing from you, but I'm not so sure. What's going on?" He said pleading with me. I get that he worried for me, but this was none of his business. I shook my head and ran my hand through my hair.
"This is none of your business Draco. If I say I'm okay, then I'm okay. And I. Am. Okay. Just drop it will you?" I was getting more and more angry. I didn't mean to get so mad but he was overreacting. It was just an apple. So what?
"I can't understand everything Hermione. But I know what this means. I can't exactly stand by and watch you..."
"Watch me what? Be anything other than okay? Anything other, than old Hermione? I get that from everyone else I really don't need it from you too. She's gone. Anyway, I just didn't eat a stupid apple! So what?"
He chucked the apple back onto my bed and turned to leave but he paused in the door way turning his head slightly to speak over his shoulder. "I can tell this is going to end badly if I continue to push you. So, I'll go."
"Fine." I said shortly he turned and left then. I walked to the door and slammed it shut tears stinging my eyes. Fuck! I chucked the apple from my bed into the fire and set it alight. I stayed awake all night. That feeling of numbness returning once again. I lead like that for hours. I didn't take the dreamless sleep. I didn't deserve it. I deserved feeling this way.