Chapter 1
Regulus Black tried to paint himself as perfect, for all of his life that was what was drilled into him. The perfect spare, the perfect son, the perfect replacement. But for all of his trying and all of his effort, perfect was the last thing Regulus thought about himself.
Many others might have thought differently, they probably saw him at the top of his year, as the heir to a noble family, as a perfect-mannered boy, and assumed that Regulus Black had it all. Assumed, that was funny. Everyone always assumed something about Regulus, but no one ever truly saw him. Someone used to, Sirius. Oh, how Regulus loved him. Growing up Sirius was everything Regulus wanted to be and no matter what everyone thought, that never changed, even when he was sorted into Gryffindor.
Regulus remembered vividly how everything changed after that, how his brother started to pull away ever so slightly. Most importantly, Regulus remembered the scowl on his brother's face when the sorting hat yelled out Slytherin. It was only for a second before Sirius realized that he was looking but that look of disgust was burned into Regulus’ mind. It took everything he had in him to hold in his tears throughout the meal, and if a couple of them slipped out after he walked past Sirius when heading to his new common room, that is something only Regulus would know.
Life after his sorting was hard. He always stared straight at Sirius hoping, wishing that he would talk to him again, just like they used to. Now Regulus knew that was a mistake, that he should have taken the initiative, that he should’ve marched straight up to his brother and told him that his stupid sorting wouldn’t change anything. But if there was one thing Regulus knew about himself, that he was certain of, is that he was a coward. So Regulus was stuck there waiting and daydreaming scenarios where he was there sitting right next to his brother and his friends, and Sirius was proud of him.
That was how Regulus spent his first year at Hogwarts.
It took his second year for Regulus to start meeting new people. If he remembered correctly the first time he spoke to any of his friends was on the Hogwarts Express. Dorcas walked straight into his compartment and just sat down. She didn’t even bother to ask for permission. He wanted a ride in silence, where he would wallow over another year of Isolation but Dorcas Meadowes walked up to him guns blazing, and declared them friends.
He wasn’t so alone after that, the silence he thought he was okay with suddenly seemed so suffocating compared to the warmth Dorcas brought him. Pandora came next. she just sat down next to the two of them one day during breakfast and whispered about mythical beings and a bunch of other nonsense, So of course, Dorcas welcomed her with open arms. The trio would spend time in the library, sometimes without even speaking, just basking in each other’s presence.
Evan and Barty weren’t too far behind (it was almost like the pair was waiting for a moment to strike), and the two firmly established themselves as part of the group as well. Now that Regulus was thinking about it, his friends were quite rude, but he loved all of them dearly. It made him upset that he didn’t put in the effort to make friends in first year, and that he missed out on a year of their company, but that didn’t matter to him. What was most important was that suddenly not everyone assumed things about Regulus. He had finally had someone who knew him again. Not just that it was a group of people he knew would never leave him. His life was finally getting better!
Before it got worse, That was another thing Regulus remembered rather vividly, was the first time his brother talked to him after his sorting. How he pulled him aside in the hallway with his group of friends around him, Regulus remembered the hope pulsing in his chest until he saw the look on his brother’s face. The same scowl he wore during the sorting ceremony.
“What the hell are you doing Regulus?” he whispered with such anger it made Regulus’ heart crack just a bit. To be completely honest, the tone Sirius took with him knocked the breath out of his mouth and left him dazed. “ Why in Godric’s name are you going around with those people?”. This however shook Regulus out of his trance
“What do you mean, Sirius?” he asked in a voice so quiet he was sure his brother only heard because of how close he was to Regulus’ face.
“The bloody death eaters Regulus.” His volume made Regulus flinch just a bit. Oh how he imagined how this scene looked to everyone else, it was like a giant dog towering over a shaking kitten. “You’re walking around with those assholes, Is that what you are Reggie?” Regulus had never had that much hatred directed at him before, not by anyone, and the fact that his brother was the first was killing him. “Wow, I guess you’re making good old daddy and mumsy proud huh? What's next? Maybe you should add some good old family slaughterings to the itinerary, can’t have all those mudbloods polluting the wizarding world, can we.” fuck, that hurt. Regulus had never felt smaller before, not even when his mother was staring at him. But here he was getting stabbed in the back by his brother. Regulus wanted to say something, he wanted to let the tears prickling in his eyes loose and just hold his big brother like he used to. To tell Sirius everything, to bear out his soul and hope that he understood. But he couldn’t because standing right behind his brother were three boys he did not know staring straight through him. Regulus felt their eyes piercing him and his frustration only made his eyes sting worse. So with all the strength, he had in his fragile body Regulus pushed. Breaking free from their grip.
“Fuck you Sirius.” he spat as he walked away, the tears finally rushing down his face. He didn’t care if anyone in the hallways noticed, all that mattered was that his brother- no was that Sirius didn’t.
“Wow” He could hear Sirius laughing roughly behind him. “You are nothing but a pathetic coward, Regulus!”. He probably wanted a reaction, wanted to see something spill from the neutral mask that was Regulus’ face but Regulus just kept walking. It wasn’t like he could dispute anything that Sirius said, because Regulus knew it was only the truth.