Chapter Twenty-One
Sneaking around Hogwarts was not how Harry thought he would spend the day after his Defense Against Magic NEWT. But here he was. Sneaking around the school his birth family and mates resided in so he didn’t run into them. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see them, he just didn’t want to see them right now. He would see them preferably after an entire 36 hours of studying for his Potions NEWT in Severus’ private lab that he secretly got permission to use. He even made sure not to use Hedwig to ask Severus just in case his family recognized his owl.
Entering the private labs there were six work tables, three of them had a potion brewing with a barrier around each table. Two tables were cleared off and organized, but the one in the far corner was stacked high with a few books Harry couldn’t read the titles of yet and had three cauldrons stacked on top of each other. That table was obviously for him.
He pulled his school robe off and laid it on an empty table then carried his bag to the workstation pulling out his own study items as he sat on the stool. On top of the stack of books there was a small scroll of parchment with six potions written on it. He was so telling his mates Severus gave him a not so subtle hint about which potions to practice or study when they didn’t help him at all.
That will teach them.
****
“Severus have you seen the black- Oh…Harry! I didn’t know you were here.” Harry glanced up from his own notes to see Lily was closing the door behind her as she looked around the room clearly looking for Severus.
“Severus agreed to let me come here after my Defense NEWT today to study for my Potions NEWT Friday.” Harry explained
“Oh..Well that’s nice of him.” She said walking towards him, “Is he still with his classes then?”
“I would assume so.” Harry straightened when it became clear she intended to stay.
“Well…if you’re up for it how about you and I go get lunch in Hogsmeade? I just finished my last class of the day.”
A rejection was on the tip of his tongue. More than a rejection. Words that would hurt her were right there ready to spill, but then he thought about Charlie and Ariel. How he had promised Charlie he would try. So with a deep breath and a heavy sigh he nodded.
“Sure. I could go for a food break anyway.” Harry said, closing his journals.
“Good. I’ll leave a note for Severus to let him know where we are going and to expect us back soon in case he comes by.” Harry nodded as he straightened his items on the workstation. After a quick note they were leaving the private labs, the walk through the castle was quiet, neither of them wanting to speak yet.
“So….how are Remus and Sirius treating you?” Lily asked as they stepped out of the castle, the dewey May weather greeting them as if a thunderstorm was just behind the mountains heading their way.
“Good. Well…as good as can be expected, but they’re working on it.”
“That’s good.” She said, Harry nodded looking around their surroundings, “How are you and James getting along?”
“We’ve argued a few times.”
“Oh? What about?”
“Pick your poison, you'll probably be right.” Lily nodded though she looked a little confused at his words.
“How are you and Charlie and Ariel getting along then?”
“Fine.” Harry shrugged, “We’re getting there.”
“Good. That’s good.” Harry was starting to think that’s all she knew how to say as a response.
“Did James invite you to my graduation?”
“Yes! Yes he did and I wanted to thank you for the invite. I’ll be there.”
“Well..you’re welcome.” The rest of the walk was thankfully quiet. Harry didn’t think he could suffer the small talk without some type of food or drink in front of him.
They sat at a booth in The Three Broomsticks, Harry immediately requesting a glass of wine to go with his roasted duck while Lily ordered a Honey Duck Salad and her own glass of wine.
“I’m surprised you didn’t protest the wine.” Harry said after their orders were placed.
“From what I understand, you’re seventeen in all ways except your birth certificate. I figured Henry is much like James and I, whereas he’s been allowing you small sips on occasion since your fifteenth. You’re clearly responsible about it and your education hasn’t been negatively affected by a glass of wine on a school night I assume. Besides you don’t see me as one of your parental figures any more than you see James as one.”
“So that’s where I get my brain from.”
Lily laughed and Harry will admit, only inside his head, that the woman who gave birth to him was rather beautiful. While his bone structure made him look much more like James, Harry could tell he shared many of the small softer features of Lily. Something he assumed came from being an Omega, really came from his mother when she wasn’t using her face to scowl that is.
“James is smart, just in a different way. Charlie is more like him in that regard, he’s not school smart. Ariel is I think. If she applies herself.”
The small talk was meaningless. Nothing real big or of importance was talked about. At least not in Harry’s opinion, but maybe that was a good thing. By the time their food arrived it was a relief as they were running out of things to say so for the next forty-five minutes they focused on eating. When the food was gone and the wine glasses empty Lily found her next topic to talk about.
“You know I must say I am surprised you haven’t asked me about signing away my parental rights.” Harry stared at her confused and shocked.
“Why would I ask about that?”
“Oh you know just to ask why I did it and everything.” Harry shifted, his shoulders tensing up as he tilted his head.
“Why you did what?” Harry asked, hoping he was misunderstanding something.
“Signed them away.” Harry’s entire body tightened, his back straightened, and his jaw twitched.
“You did?
“Yes, didn't James tell you? We did it last week, he said he would tell you over the weekend. I suggested we try to talk to you beforehand, explain our reasoning a bit, but James thought it might be too much around your NEWTs and I agreed so we just did it.”
“I um…I wasn’t feeling well Sunday so I didn’t get to talk to him much.”
“Oh. Well I’m sure he was going to tell you as soon as he saw you again.” Harry nodded, “Do you want ask or-”
“No I don’t really care to be honest.” Lily looked taken back but nodded, pressing her lips together.
“Of course.” A tense awkward silence fell between them, “Well I have to-”
“Right yeah you go. I’ll head back to the castle in a minute.”
“Well thank you for having lunch with me.”
“Course.” Another awkward moment before Lily nodded and stood up leaving the table.
Harry sat there for well over an hour trying to decide if he was angry or hurt more. He knew he couldn’t just keep yelling at James, although it was becoming his favorite pastime and a great stress release. He knew James was doing what he thought was best and on one hand Harry could understand every reason why this was the best course of action, but on the other hand all he knew was that out of four parents, two of them have officially just signed him away with a little bit of ink as if it was nothing. As if 15 months and 13 years wasn’t full of memories, memories he did and didn’t remember. As if nine months of being created in her body didn’t happen. 50% of the people who were supposed to love him forever have signed that love away with black ink on a piece of parchment that was now filed in the Ministry in the folder with his name on it.
The first stinging of his eyes had him standing up and leaving the restaurant as quickly as he could. Outside it was dark. Not too dark yet, but enough that the lights were on and he was sure curfew was in effect. Making his way to Hogwarts Harry found himself in what assumed to be the Astronomy tower. He sat there, with legs over the edge and his arms on the railing watching as the moon slowly rose higher in the sky. The full moon was soon, his wolf had run under the moon in a long time and it was getting antsy…twitchy.
“Harry?”
Harry was so into his own head that he hadn’t even realized the scent in the room changed or heard the footsteps until the voice was behind him. Jumping he spun around and saw Remus standing behind him, a slight frown as he looked at him.
“Oh…hey Remus.” Harry said trying to pretend he wasn’t currently still having a few tears escape his eyes over a conversation that happened a few hours ago. Remus tilted his head and came closer.
“What’s wrong? Why are you here… on the edge of the astronomy tower?”
“Because I didn’t want to yell at James again.”
“What did he do this time?” Remus asked with a sigh as he came to sit beside him, Harry shrugged.
“It’s not entirely his fault.” Harry admitted
“So why yell at only him?”
“Because he’s the only one who can still leave.” Harry said fighting back his stupid tears again as he stared at the horizon, “If Papa was going to leave he’d have left by now after everything I put him through when Matteo did.” He felt his nails picking at each other, his thumb and index finger on his right hand picking at his left thumbnail, but he didn’t look at them. He just kept his eyes glued to the darkness ahead of him, his head turned just enough so Remus had to lean a little to see his tears.
Harry knew it didn’t make sense…or maybe it made too much sense, but all Remus did was hum a little.
“So why didn’t you?”
And wasn’t that the fucking million galleon question. Harry fought against the words. He fought his lips, his mouth, his tongue, his throat. He fought against everything but the words still came out with a voice crack and more tears.
“Because I don’t want him to.” Harry admitted.
He fought against the sob, he swallowed it down as if it was an overcooked steak and didn’t let it out, but he did have to sniffle so his nose didn’t start to leak too.
“Well you can yell at James every day for the rest of your life and he’ll still be there every day.”
“You don’t know that.” Harry said
“I do, actually.” Harry shook his head, “Harry James isn’t going anywhere. He’s-”
“He’s what?” Harry challenged looking at Remus, “My blood? My birth parent? Missed me for the past fifteen years? Well so is Lily yet she still signed away her parental rights to me.” He turned away from his mate because he didn’t know if he was going to win this next war against the sob in his chest.
“She what?”
“She just…signed me away.” Harry said around a pitiful half sob-half laugh that escaped his throat, “Fuck! All I’ve been doing this month is crying!” Harry said frustrated as he pressed his hands to his eyes as he lost the war and started crying.
He knew most of it was because he was always emotional a few weeks to a month after his heat, he was tired, stressed, and a lot of things have been happening over the past two months that it was all coming down harder, but he hated it. He hated feeling like this. He hated that he was letting so many things affect him so strongly.
Remus didn’t say anything, he just moved until he was closer beside him and pulled him into a hug that smelled like him and a little bit of Sirius. He didn’t try to soothe him, didn’t try to tell him everything was okay or it was a misunderstanding. He just held him. Held him against his body tight enough that Harry felt like he was in his own personal cocoon of his Mate’s arms. One of Remus’ arms was vertical to his spine, his hand holding the back of his neck squeezing it comfortingly, an alpha move to comfort their omega.
When his crying calmed down, Harry pulled back just enough to lay his forehead against Remus’ shoulder while his own hands came up to wipe his eyes. He realized he was on Remus’ lap, knew he had been moved there pretty early into his crying, but he didn’t pay it any mind.
“Fuck! I hate this.” Harry said miserably as he wiped his face again.
“Feeling a little better?” Remus asked softly
“No.” Harry pouted sniffling as he laid his head back on Remus’ shoulder, “I don’t even know why I’m this upset about it, it’s not like I even liked her and even saw her as a parent.”
“That may be true, but she’s still is your birth mother-”
“Was. She was. She signed that away with a dip of a quill into an ink jar. Pretty ironic really. If James didn’t dip his quill into her ink jar-”
“Really Harry?” Remus asked
“I’m just saying.” Remus shook his head as Harry sobered a little, “If she can do it then what’s stopping James from doing it too?”
“Because that’s not who James is.” Remus answered, Harry couldn’t help the eye roll, “I mean it Harry. You’re just going to have to find a way to believe that.”
“Why?” Harry asked, pulling away, “Why can’t I just keep him at arm's length like I have been?”
“Because you obviously don’t want that anymore.” Harry made a face making Remus chuckle, “Come on let’s get you to bed.”
Harry slowly stood up then helped Remus up only to attach himself to his arm as they left the astronomy tower. The walk was silent, Harry was grateful Remus wasn’t prying, he felt too….undecided to talk about it still. When they eventually got to the bedroom, Sirius was passed out, hanging off the edge of bed. He was shirtless and his briefs were just barely over his ass, his mouth open with drool pooling on his pillow. Harry climbed into the middle of the bed after dressing down to his own briefs then shamelessly attached himself back onto Remus when he joined him a moment later.
He couldn’t help it, usually Sirius was in the middle so Harry rarely got to cuddle his alpha and they were usually always accompanied with SIrius as well so being alone with his alpha wasn’t usual. He and Sirius have been alone more often than he and Remus at this point. So Harry was going to take full advantage of this opportunity by wrapping his entire being around Remus and burying his nose right where his scent was the strongest.
He pressed a gentle kiss to his jaw before settling against his throat, Remus’ hand rubbing his back pulling him deeper into sleep. Right before Harry lost the sleep battle, he felt Remus press a soft kiss to his head, just beside his temple and felt a soft rumble in his chest as he breathed his scent in. Harry smiled because it was about damn fucking time one of his mates did something.
****
Harry walked into James’ private office a few hours after breakfast, he had somehow missed James this morning so he probably still had no idea he was even here. Remus and Sirius had stayed in bed longer than they meant to when Sirius realized he was there. So Harry hadn’t left their room until well past the time James was gone.
“Hey….James.” Harry said awkwardly, James’ head shot up, probably ready to berate a student, but he grinned when he saw him.
“Harry? Hey! What are you doing here?”
“Are you busy?” Harry asked
“Just grading papers, but I can do it later. I’m not behind on my work unlike Sirius.” As James said that he was already setting his papers to the side ready to give Harry his full attention, “Do you need something?”
Harry has been thinking about his and his Papa’s conversation from Monday morning. What they talked about after Harry was feeling better and was eating his breakfast before he had to leave for his NEWTs.
“You never fly with me.” Harry had said
“That’s because flying was a you and Matteo thing. You haven’t really flown on a broom or played Qudditch since he left. Even after I bought you the newest broom on the market when you asked for it. The Firebolt has been sitting in its case since you got it.”
“Well you and I had other things to do together.”
“Exactly. Flying, Quidditch, any sport really was a you and Matteo thing. Dad and Son thing. I wasn’t going to step on that unless you asked. Do you want to go flying together sometime?”
Harry had just shook his head and changed the topic.
“Do um….Do you want to go flying together?” Harry asked hesitantly. Softly. Terrified and embarrassed that this felt far more bigger than he thought it should.
For an entire minute James just sat there and stared at him, then he did a complete 360 and was grinning from ear to ear as he shot up.
“Yes! Come on! Want to go now? Let’s go now! Do you have a broom? Did you bring one? It doesn’t matter, we have plenty.” Harry grinned nodding.
“I brought one. I um…I haven’t flown in a while though so go easy on me?”
“Sorry Harry, but in this family we don’t go easy on each other. Don’t worry there’s no shame in losing against your old man, okay?” James said, slapping Harry’s shoulder with a grin as they headed towards the family suites.
“Lose? Oh I don’t lose.”
Harry lost.
But he would like to point out that he hadn’t flown in a very long time and he wasn’t playing with a snitch which is what he knew. James was grinning as he flung an arm around Harry’s shoulders and led him back inside the castle.
“Don’t worry Harry, I'm sure you’ll beat me next time.”
Harry resisted all of five steps before he was hugging James tightly around the waist and tucking his face into his neck. James was clearly shocked by it, but he hugged him back. For the first few seconds it was a loose hug, James thinking Harry would probably pull away quickly, but when he realized Harry had no intentions of pulling away just yet he hugged him tighter. Squeezed him properly. Harry sagged a little into James, he wanted to bury himself into him but also run as far away as he could.
“I love you dad.” Harry said softly just beside his ear.
James tensed for a second before his body shook in either a laugh or cry as he hugged him even tighter.
“I love you too.” James said, “So fucking much.”
Harry closed his eyes and breathed him in. He felt a little more settled, more steady, more ready to face his damn Potions NEWT.