Chapter 4
Regulus was dreading his first patrol with James Potter. Wednesday was coming up and ever since he had been back at Hogwarts, the dreams of him drowning and the hands have been more and more frequent. He needed to do something to stop them, if only to enjoy what little time he had left.
“No offense Black, but you look like shit”
Regulus looked up to see James Potter staring at him. Regulus slid back up the wall that he had sat against waiting for James to appear. His lack of sleep was starting to take a toll on him. "I haven’t been sleeping, What’s your excuse?" he said, hoping James wouldn't push for more.
James let out a small laugh, almost by accident it seemed. “I look damn good and you know it.” Regulus brushed past him and started their patrol. They walked in silence for what felt like a long time, but in reality was probably only about 5 or so minutes. “So are you really not going to talk to me the entire time we patrol together?” James asked, casting a quick glance at Regulus. He really did look bad. He had dark circles under his eyes that contrasted against his porcelain skin. He looked like he had lost a bit of weight too, which was saying something considering the term had just started.
“I assumed you would not want to speak with a, how did you word it? A Jr. Death Eater?” The words had bite to them that James hadn’t expected. Regulus only felt slightly bad, because he was technically a Death Eater, but he hated James too much to care if he hurt his delicate feelings. James had no idea what it was that Regulus went through to protect Sirius which by proxy meant James and his parents. What right did James have to judge him?
“Technically, Sirius said that. Not me.” James stepped in front of Regulus, walking backwards with his hand held up, as if to show he was merely an innocent bystander.
“Yeah well what Sirius doesn’t know about me could fill the restricted section in the library.” Regulus mumbled, before sidestepping James - begging for the rest of his patrol to go down silently.
James was quiet for a few blissful moments until he finally spoke up, “why don’t you tell me something about yourself that Sirius doesn’t know?”
“Now why would I tell you any of my secrets, Potter?”
James seemed to think for a few minutes. “Honestly Black, I’m not sure you have any secrets that I would find particularly interesting anyway.”
That made Regulus stop in his tracks. He knew for a fact he had several secrets that James and Sirius and even bloody Voldemort would find interesting. For James to imply that he simply had no interesting secrets, except for maybe being a Death Eater was ridiculous. “I happen to have several secrets that would rock your world, James Potter. Just none you are privy to know.”
Maybe it was the use of his full name, maybe it was the way he seemed so confident, but suddenly James wanted to know every secret Regulus Black had. “Fine. What if we make a deal? If you tell me something about yourself that genuinely shocks me I’ll…” He trailed off, thinking what he could possibly have to offer Regulus for a secret. He couldn’t very well tell him any secrets in return. Regulus could be dangerous with the knowledge of him being an animagus, the map, or even his cloak. “I won’t prank you when we pull pranks on your entire house! You’d be the only Slytherin safe from our antics for the entire year.”
Now that… That might be worth it. Regulus hated being pranked by Sirius and his friends. Last year they dyed everyone in Slytherin house’s hair bright red. It didn’t come out for a whole week. It might look strange that he would not be pranked as well, but he could just claim that he is simply better than everyone else because he was the heir to the Noble House of Black. Not to mention, maybe sharing a secret with James would stop his dreams for a night and he could get some sleep. Plus, if James tried to spread his secret he could just call him a liar and say it was just a way for Sirius to get back at him. Either way, this could really only work out in Regulus’ favor. He would only be alive for about a year or so anyway, if the frequency of his dreams were any indication, so this whole thing would be inconsequential. “One rule, you cannot tell Sirius.”
“I can’t tell Sirius your secret? He might already know…” James trailed off.
“I told you, what Sirius does not know about me could fill the entire restricted section in the library. I promise he doesn’t know this. If you tell him, I’ll know because he won’t be able to pretend like it means something it doesn’t. He’ll think I’m changing my mind and I’m not. It would hurt him more to know.” Regulus thought maybe he was already giving too much away, but it was true. If Sirius found out Regulus had muggle tattoos it would open the flood gates. Sirius wouldn’t be able to let him go and would bother him. It would then get back to his parents and that would be horrible for everyone involved.
“What do you mean changing your mind?” Now James’ mind was reeling. What could Regulus possibly say that would make Sirius think he could change? James remembers the night Sirius moved in with them, beaten and bloody, sobbing over the loss of his brother who couldn’t even bother to save him. Sirius vowed to never forgive Regulus and that he was as dead to Sirius as his parents.
Regulus sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. This talk was giving him a head ache. “Do you want to know or not? Final offer.”
“Tell me.” James didn’t know how he became so invested in Regulus in such little time.
“Okay, Potter. Over the summer my parents were gone a lot so I went to a muggle tattoo shop and got several tattoos.”
There was silence for a minute before James burst out laughing. “That was a really good lie, Black, but not a secret.”
Regulus rolled his eyes before pushing his long sleeve up the length of his arm, turning it slowly to show James. James felt his mouth go dry at the sight of Regulus with a sleeve of tattoos. He could make out some things, like constellations, some Latin phrases, and snake coiling around his arm as it went up. He was lost for words. “What - I mean… why did you ..”
“Since I’ve rendered you speechless for perhaps the first time in your life, I think it is safe to say I won. That is the least interesting of my secrets, Potter.” Regulus pulled his sleeve down quickly, just in case James might notice the constellation that has Sirius’ star right next to his own. There were secrets just in his tattoos that he would not want James discovering.
“I - wow. Alright, Regulus Black. I have officially been proven wrong. But, Sirius would love that! Why don’t you tell him?” Their first patrol was almost over, and neither of the boys were sure if it went better or worse than expected. They stopped at the halfway point between Gryffindor tower and the Slytherin dungeons.
“I already told you, Potter. It doesn’t change a thing.” Regulus quickly left James after that, walking swiftly down to the dungeon.
James continued to ponder the wonder that was Regulus Black as he headed up to the tower. When he walked into the common room, Remus, Sirius, and Peter were up still waiting for him.
“How was it?! Did he try to hex you?! Did he shout slurs at you. I swear if that little prick did or said anything I’ll -” Sirius jumped into his tirade the second James entered the room.
“No, Sirius he didn’t do anything. We barely talked, really.” James rubbed his neck uncomfortable at the slight lie he told to his best friend. He noticed Remus staring at him, as if he already knows something that James doesn’t.
“Oh. I thought he would probably just ignore you the whole time. That’s good. Well, I’m off to bed. You know I have to get my beauty rest to stay better looking than the lot of you and grace this school every morning with my presence!” Sirius walked up to the boy’s dorm. Peter followed after him with a smile and a wave goodnight, but Remus stayed. That’s when James knew he was caught.
“James…” Remus started.
“What, Remus?”
“What really happened on your patrol?”
“I told you, nothing. We barely talked.” James tried to stare Remus in the eye. He didn’t know how Remus could always tell when something was up with him. Any time he was in a sour mood but trying to hide it for the sake of everyone else, Remus would just give him a look. Similar to the one he was on the receiving end of now.
“I know you, James. I know that look on your face you get when you are presented with a challenge. Regulus Black is not a project or someone who needs your friendship or saving or anything of the sort. Do you understand?”
James sighed and slumped on the couch next to Remus. He was right. On the walk back to the common room all he thought about was continuing to break down Regulus and give Sirius his brother back. After all, how prejudice could he be if he spent so much time with muggles over the school year. James never heard Regulus to be someone that would outwardly defy his parents like that, so it must have meant something changed. Regulus’ warning remained in James’ thoughts, but like Remus said… he likes a challenge.
“He’s just… different than I thought he would be. That’s all.”
“Don’t do this to yourself, James.” Remus left him to his own thoughts with that.
Don’t do this to yourself, James. He’s not doing anything. Not at all. And he’s definitely ignoring the feeling in his stomach as he continues to think about Regulus Black and his muggle tattoos.
That night, Regulus dreamt of a gold cord and warm hands. He felt like he bathing in sunlight. It was the first night he hadn’t dreamt of the cold in weeks.