Chapter 9
Pandora found Regulus hidden in an Alcove somewhere in an abandoned hallway.
He didn’t really remember getting there, just knew he had to leave, get somewhere other than there. He had waited until he was out of his brother's sight, and then he utterly and completely booked it.
He couldn’t remember feeling that many emotions since he was eleven.
Sadness, anger, self pity.
Embarrassment.
They simmered in his chest like a disease, only growing larger the longer he had time to dally in his thoughts.
Had he heard him, he wonders? Had Sirius heard him talking to the stars, to his star?
Regulus hadn’t even noticed him walking up, which is a giveaway enough he was out of it at the time. At first, he had thought he may have been a hallucination, or a dream (Regulus was getting barely any sleep, he wouldn’t have doubted he’d fallen asleep.)
But then Sirius had begun to hound him, and the pain that sat heavy in his bones was enough for him to realize it, unfortunately, was not a dream.
And then to put the cherry on top, Sirius thought so lowly of him he immediately assumed Regulus had the dark mark, and Regulus had run out crying.
Can you really blame him, a cruel voice whispers in the back of his head, for assuming the worst of someone like you? You’re hardly a good person, he had no reason to think otherwise.
He rubs his temples with a sigh, glancing towards Pandora, who had sat down across from him, resting her head against the window. She didn’t say anything, not even about his appearance (which he knows must be atrocious, he can still feel the tear tracks on his cheeks), she only hums lightly under her breath.
Pandora had always been a little more than strange, but she was also one of Regulus’ very first friends.
When they had first met, she didn’t even properly introduce herself. She had sat at the table Regulus had claimed as his in first year in the library, and made so much eye contact Regulus felt queasy, before promptly claiming, “We were meant to be friends, in one life or another, so I’ve chosen this one to see it through,” and opened her book to read with him. Regulus had stared, for a long while, before slowly going back to reading, peeking up at her every once in a while.
He had been so lonely that year, after being sorted into Slytherin, that he had all but clung onto her. When she started showing up everyday to sit with him, it was the third day she had actually given him her name with a sweet smile.
“I had a dream about you,” her tone is whimsical, and he glances up at her through tired lids, giving her a small smile.
“Oh?” It's prompt enough for her to continue, and she smiles before going on.
“You were drowning in darkness, lost, lonely. You were scared, dying I think,” she says, and Regulus feels goosebumps rise on his skin as she tilts her head towards the window with a sigh, staring at the rising sun.
“But then, the sun came up, and the beams of lights shone down on you, helping you, clearing you a path. You can stay there, in the darkness Regulus,” she turns her stare towards him, and there's something in her eyes, weary and heavy as she continues, slightly ominously, “or you can follow the light, trust the sun. It will help you, but only if you let the light in, let it shine down on you.”
There was something so cryptic in her tone, all Regulus can do is nod as he meets her eyes. Regulus didn’t know if Pandora’s dreams were truly true, she often claimed to see things, telling them of the dreams she had had of what would happen, but honestly, Regulus had no reason to doubt her. Sometimes it seemed as if she had seen too much for her lifetime.
She leans in, patting his hand softly with a fond smile. “Everyone is worried about you, probably more people than you believe. But in the moment, Evan and Barty are freaking out because you never came back to the dorm,” she informs him in her soft tone, and Regulus sighs lightly, tipping his head back towards the wall.
Pandora stands up to walk away, but Regulus clears his throat, calling her attention back to him as he sits up, twisting his fingers together as his stomach churns.
You’re not my brother. You’re just the little kid I left behind, the nuisance who doesn’t know how to make his own fucking descions. We were never friends, never family, never brothers. You’re just a pathetic puppet following in mothers footsteps.
He closes his eyes slightly, letting out a small, choked breath, before opening his eyes and meeting hers. “Do you think… do you know how I’ll grow to be, Dora?” He whispers, and there’s a hint of desperation clawing up his throat. Her eyes soften as she walks back to him, laying a soft hand on his cheek.
“I know a lot of things, but none of them may be true. I can tell you a hundred different paths or stories you may take, a thousand different deaths or lives you might face, but you and only you can truly shape your fate, Regulus Black. These visions hold no true depth, because they are but that, mere visions. Nothing is marked in stone, therefore you can grow to be however you’d like.” She presses a soft kiss to his temple, and he lets out a small, breathy laugh as she smiles and walks away.
Trust Pandora to be no help and simultaneously all the help you could need at once.
When Regulus finally walks back into his dorm, Dorcas, Evan, and Barty gape at him. Pandora, who had already seen the atrocity of his appearance, only gives him a small smile.
“Holy shit- that’s what you look like Reg, I mean, you look like the underside of Merlins balls, really,” Barty bursts, and Evan presses a hand to his face, letting out a small sigh.
“The underside… of Merlins balls? Really? Really Barty?” Dorcas asks, exasperation coating her voice, and he shrugs.
“It’s true- I mean look at him!” He pauses for a moment, studying Regulus, who stands in the doorway of their dorm awkwardly, picking at his nails, before letting out a small sigh. “So, are you ready to talk to us, or do you plan to avoid and ignore us a little longer?”
Regulus bites the bottom of his lip, not knowing if he’s holding back a smile or tears as he lets out a small laugh. He walks over to the bed, sitting down lightly as he pulls a leg up to rest his head on. Evan scoots closer, laying his head on Regulus’ other knee, and Barty plops his head on to Evans stomach.
“My mother found my soulmark,” he whispers when they all settle down again, and Dorcas squeezes his leg lightly, face pinched.
“We assumed. Are you alright?” She replies back quietly, and he rolls his lips together, tilting his head back as he lets out a small noise.
“No? I mean, physically, no, mentally, no, and all in all, no,” he laughs quietly, but nobody joins in, and he trails off, looking back down at them. He can’t cry again, not when the stickiness of the old tears just went away.
Merlin, he was ridiculous.
“My father- I’ve never been punished by him before, I mean, I hardly ever saw him, but- it was horrible. My soulmark, it’s all,” his voice is cracking, and he can’t even finish. He doesn’t have to, instead, he pulls up his sleeve, wincing softly as he unravels the bandages around it. It’s not even fully off before his friends gasp, Barty sitting up and swallowing thickly as he stares down at it.
When nobody talks, he let’s out a harsh gasp, letting his sleeve fall back down.
“It’s ugly, it’s ruined, why would he want me now, he didn’t even want me before,” he cries, covering his face with his hands. No tears fall, and he sniffles lightly as Pandora tugs his hands down.
“Non, non non non, Reg c'est toujours aussi beau, comme tu le seras toujours,” she murmurs, and he shakes his head quickly, letting out quick, small breaths.
“Tu ment. C'est- Merlin, c'est foutu Dora, c'est foutu. Personne ne m'aimera comme ça. Not even James could love this.”
“What have I said about talking like that?” Her voice is sharp, and his shoulders sag slightly as she continues in a softer tone, “your parents, they have drilled into your head that you’re unlovable, that you’re never good enough- but that’s not true, Reg, because we’re here, and you’re perfect just the way you are. We love you, and we always will, okay?” She squeezes his face lightly, and he lets out a small sigh as everyone chimed in their agreement.
“You couldn’t get rid of us if you tried, Black,” Barty jokes, but his voice is soft, and Regulus laughs softly.
“And if James doesn’t want you just because you’re a little scarred, then we’ll give him some of his own scars to worry about,” Evan grins, and Dorcas gets a small smile as she leans forward.
“I’ll hex him bald, and he won’t be able to grow his hair back either. I know the perfect spell,” Her voice is ominous, and Regulus actually snorts, shaking his head.
“I think he might quite literally die if you did that. Not to mention it’s one of his best assets. Please don’t,” he grins, and they laugh.
He quiet again, and Barty sighs, rolling his eyes. “Why are you getting all broody on us again?”
He fiddles with his rings, letting out a small sigh as he presses his lips together. “My brother, he found me yesterday.” Everyone visibly stiffened, except for Pandora. He wouldn’t doubt she knew somehow, one way or another.
“Did he bother you? Hurt you?” Evan asks quietly, an edge to his voice, and Regulus goes to shake his head, before stopping and letting out another small sigh.
“He saw some of my mark, I think. He thought- he assumed it was the dark mark. He thinks I’m a death eater. He- we yelled, some, or a lot,” he chews on his lip, closing his eyes, and Dorcas grinds her teeth together.
“He just assumed you were a death eater?” She bites out, and he shrugs lightly.
“I can’t blame him, really. I mean, he thinks I’m a blood supremist, he thinks I want to follow in my mothers footsteps. Soon enough… I may be,” his voice trails off, and she stiffens lightly, before swallowing and shaking her head.
“You don’t have to.”
“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” His voice is humorless, though he lets out a cold laugh. “What they did to me over break, it was hardly anything. If they found out the whole truth, that the person who stole my brother from them is my soulmate, and that I don’t want to grow to be like them…” his eyes get milky as he stares up at the ceiling, shaking his head. “You know, they threatened to kill me when I was eleven, my first year of Hogwarts. They threatened to kill me and my brother if I didn’t get into Slytherin. They told me that if I followed in his footsteps, it wouldn’t just be my life on the line, but his. I believed them, how could I not? The look my father gave me, it was cold, emotionless. He broke my wrist, and Kreacher had to set it back. I begged the sorting hat not to put me in Gryffindor. I could see my life, and his flash before my eyes as it told me I would thrive in it, that I was well suited for it. ‘You have the heart of a lion,’ it had said. The heart of a lion but the mind of a snake, how ironic.”
“If they would kill me for simply being placed in a separate house, how do you think they would react to me fully trying to separate from them? For becoming a blood traitor? Marrying a man, a man from the family that every pureblood family considers disgraces no less, and not becoming a death eater?” He laughs again, a little hysterically as he runs a finger over his mark. It was no longer smooth, but scarred and rough.
“Of course I don’t want to be a death eater, Cas, I just- I don’t know what else to do,” He whispers.
She’s quiet, before letting out a small, resigned sigh. “We’ll figure something out, we’ll get you out of this. Same with you, Evan, you Dora, and you too Barty. One day, we’ll all move far away, find an island or something. None of us will have to deal with our parents again.
“Yes, we will,” Pandora pipes in, and Evan nods, ruffling her hair.
“Speaking of… figuring things out. Do you know who told your mother? About your soulmark? Or did she just figure it out? If someone did tell her, I think we need to pay them a little visit.” Barty grins cruelly, and Dorcas nods, eyes lighting up. Regulus’ eyes widen, and he curses as he springs up.
“Shit, shit, Merlins balls, I was so distracted- I didn’t even realize. Of course, she said someone told her, I just forgot. Who told her? Who knew? How?” He asks, pacing slightly, and Evan sits up, grabbing his arm lightly.
“You don’t worry about it, Reg. Take it easy. We will figure it out. And we will get them back,” He grins, and Regulus tries to relax his shoulders some, nodding his head lightly.
“Okay. Okay,” he replies, shaking his hands out, and they all grin.
Dorcas gasps suddenly, jumping up, which causes Pandora to tumble to the side of the bed where she huffs as Dorcas spins towards the group.
“I think I know who did it!”
They all look towards her expectantly, and she rubs her hands on her trousers, eyes pinched in concentration. “Remember, the day before christmas break, you three-” she points at the three boys, and they freeze, “were sitting on the couch, alone. I came upstairs just as someone from the boys dorm did,” Regulus’ eyes widen, and he groans, dropping his head into his hands.
“The noise, on the stairs, and you two said I was paranoid,” he snarks, and Barty clears his throat, tugging on his tie.
“That doesn’t matter right now. What does matter is that person coming was no other than Mulciber.”
Regulus blinks, before his hands fist and his teeth clench. Evan leans away, closer to Barty, who grins and wraps an arm around his shoulders. “Mulciber? Wulfric Mulciber?” He hisses, and Barty mutters a quick, “Stupid ass name,” as Regulus presses his tongue to his cheek.
“Always knew he was a snitch, but I thought he knew better than to get on my bad side,” he flexes his hands with a small laugh, shaking his head. “I guess now I know where all this pent up energy is going.”
James was currently in Hogsmeade with his friends. Things had been… tense, since the morning, but Sirius was convinced to not talk about it, to pretend it never happened. Anytime James tried to bring it up, he’d play it off like, “No big deal, Prongs. We all said things we didn’t mean, it’s done now,” and then walk ahead before James could continue.
He was tired. Tired, and hurt. His best friend was mad at him, even if he tried to pretend not to be, James wasn’t completely blind. He could see the simmering anger, the annoyance just below the surface. He genuinely didn’t know what to do, how to fix any of this. He wanted them to make up, wanted them to hug it out and laugh without being awkward and tense.
Not to mention Reggie.
He had the dark mark? No, it was impossible, James couldn’t believe it. Over these months he’d been tutoring him, he’d gotten to know the young boy. He wasn’t like that, he wasn’t, James was sure of that, so why would he have the dark mark all of a sudden?
Maybe his mother forced him? He remembered Regulus saying his mother was extremely expectant of Regulus following her footsteps, so he wouldn’t doubt she could’ve made him.
But even if that was the case he just… couldn’t believe it. It may be stupid, but he swears he could feel it, in his bones. Regulus didn’t have the dark mark, not yet.
And James was set on proving that. To Sirius.
And maybe to himself.
He shakes his hands out, fidgeting with the trim of his shirt as he watches Sirius rush ahead. Even though he was the one who gave everyone the idea to go out, he was doing a good job of avoiding them all, always being a step ahead, always being the first one done looking in the store or first one done eating.
He sighs again as he watches him enter a random store, Remus trailing behind, hands stuffed in his pocket. He goes to follow them in, resigned, but his eyes are dragged away, focusing on the store beside it. It looked like a small, run down shop, and all his years of being here, he had never really noticed it or gone in. Lip puckering slightly, his curiosity gets the best of them, and he steers away from his group, Peter giving him a questioning look as he heads towards the shop.
He waves him ahead, giving him a grin as he pulls open the door. A small bell chimes over head and he glances around. The shelves were lined with all kinds of things, pens, books, bottles, potions, and other random trinkets.
He runs his hands over a few things, coating his fingers in dust. He smiles as he finds an old childhood story of his, turning it over in his hands with a small sigh. He’ll buy this, he has to. He can’t remember the last time he’s read this.
When he goes to look at another book, something in the corner of his eye catches his attention, and he pauses, before going over to the book and brushing the dust off the cover. The book was thick, and the pages were yellowing with age, making him wonder just quite how old it was.
“The secrets of alchemy; for advanced wizards or masters,” he mumbles to himself, rifling through the pages. He had never seen half- or any of these potions before, actually. Not a single one looked familiar.
He wondered if Regulus had seen them before. He was quite good at potions.
He wondered if this could come in handy to him.
“That’s an antique.” James flinches, whirling around with wide eyes. He held the book up as if he had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing, and his face flushes slightly.
“Oh,” he replies back, not knowing quite what else to say to that. The voice belonged to an old woman, short and wrinkled with age. She hunched over, a cane holding her up and a large, witch hat sitting on her head. It seemed too big, though, and slid down over her eyes. She pushes it back up, milky white eyes twinkling as she gives James a smile.
“It’s been sitting on these shelves for a while, collecting dust, the poor thing. You see, not many people come into an old shop run by an old, blind lady,” she laughs, and he blinks, wondering if she was truly blind how she had known which book he held.
“Oh,” he repeats, still not knowing quite what to say, and she laughs again, waving her hands about.
“Oh, don’t let me scare you, please! If you plan to buy that book, I’ll give you a discount. I’m sure it’s in a rush to get out of here,” She gives him another toothless grin, and he laughs slightly, awkward as he shakes his head quickly.
“You don’t have to do that, really,” he glances back to the book in his hands, pondering for a second, before nodding his head, “I think I will buy this, actually, if that’s okay.”
“It’s more than okay! I’ll throw in a free quill, as well, wonderful wonderful,” she hums, hobbling back to the counter. He follows behind, a small smile on his face as he takes out his pouch of coins.
She does just as she promised, instead actually throwing two free quills into the bag with his new book. She gives him another smile, patting his hand lightly as he takes the bag.
“I do hope you will come visit me again, James,” she says, and he grins, handing her the owed amount, plus a small tip.
“Of course. I think I may have a friend who would like your store, I hope I can convince him to come,” he admits almost shyly, and she laughs, patting his hand once more before letting go.
“I know,” she replies with a wink, and his eyebrows knit together as he laughs, telling her goodbye.
It’s only once he’s made it outside does he wonder if he ever gave her his name.
Regulus is in the potions lab, leaning over a cauldron as he mixes it. All it took was a little convincing of Slughorn before he had the privilege of using the potions room after hours.
He throws in a beetles wing, not even glancing at the recipe as he gathers the rest of the ingredients. He begins chopping a stem just as he hears the door open, and he quickly shuts his potions book, turning around as he wipes his hands on a cloth. He assumed it was Slughorn, coming to check on him. Really, the man should know by now that Regulus did not need supervision.
“Professor-” he freezes, mouth parted as he meets the eyes of none other than James Potter.
How? How did he always seem to know where he was, how did he always seem to find him when he didn’t want to be found? He lets out an exasperated sigh, rubbing the back of his hand across his forehead as he gives him a bored look. James shuffled in his spot, chewing on his lip as he looked at Regulus. Regulus doesn’t know if he’s ever seen him be this quiet for this long.
He could still hear what he had told James, and he almost winces as he stares ahead, not quite meeting the boys eyes.
All of a sudden, the memory of the night before hits him, and he narrows his eyes. Of course, Sirius had sent his best friend, Saint Potter, to harass the little death eater boy. He doesn’t know what he expected.
“Potter,” he says crisply, coldly, “is there a reason you’re here after hours? I have a pass, do you? I’m sure this would cost your house some points,” he tsks sarcastically, turning back to his potion. His hands are shaking lightly, and he busies himself with cutting the stem once again.
He didn’t care what his brother thought about him, and he sure as hell didn’t care what Potter thought about him. They were nothing to him.
“Reg,” he clears his throat slightly, stepping closer, and Regulus tenses even more, hands freezing.
“I think you should leave,” venom coats his voice, and James wipes his hands on his trousers, letting out a small breath.
“Can we- can we talk?”
“Why? So you can interrogate the death eater?” James flinches, and Regulus snorts lightly, turning back towards the boy. “Why don’t you just go back to Sirius, huh? Stop bothering me, for Merlins sake.”
“I don’t believe you,” James replies back, ignoring him, and Regulus raises his eyebrows, genuinely confused.
“Don’t believe that I don’t want to be around you? Trust me, I very much mean that,” he snorts, and James grins lightly, shaking his head with a small laugh.
“No, I believe that. I don’t believe you’re a death eater, though,” he clarifies.
For some strange, stupid reason, that makes Regulus’ heart stutter slightly. He didn’t know why, he didn’t know why it made his stomach curl and the back of his neck flush, but he hated it.
Maybe it was because, for once, someone had faith in him? James had faith in him?
Reality hits him, and he swallows, top lip curling. No, he was lying. James didn’t believe him, Sirius probably sent him down here, just to make sure. He was trying to trick him, to prove himself right, and Regulus was not going to fall for that.
All of a sudden, he’s standing right in front of James, the tip of his wand pressed to his throat. James’ eyes widen, and he swallows, adam apple bobbing as he stares down at the younger boy. Regulus’ sneer turns into a smirk, and he leans closer, giving him a feline-like grin.
“Oh? You don’t? Why not, James? Don’t believe I have the heart, the strength to do it? You don’t think I could parade and hurt people for fun, is that it?” He murmurs, and James can feel his heart pound in his chest, choking on his breath.
Regulus was so close he could smell him, feel his breath on his cheek as he spoke. It takes him a moment to actually register what the boy had said, and he lets out a small, breathy laugh.
“No, no I don’t. I don’t think you’re the type of person to join a cult, and I definitely don’t think you’re the type of person to hurt people just for fun,” he replies back, voice breathless, and Regulus’ eyebrows knit together as he presses his wand farther into James’ throat, making him wheeze slightly.
“And if I hurt you right now? Left you for someone to find in the morning? Then what would you think?”
James can hear his heartbeat in his ears, can feel a flush rising up his neck and into his face. He stares at Regulus’ face, at his eyes, and gives him a small grin. “I don’t think you’re stupid enough to do that, Reggie. ‘Specially since you apparently have a pass to be in here, so who else would they assume did it other than the boy who was supposed to be in here?” His grin widens as Regulus lets out a grunt, stepping back as he glares at the boy in front of him. The pounding in James chest slows, but the heat in his stomach doesn’t quite go away.
“So, are you ready to talk to me, or no? He asks, and Regulus lets out a scoff, grinding his teeth together.
“And why the hell would I talk to you,” he hisses, and James shrugs, giving him a small smile.
“Because, something obviously happened last night, and I truly don’t believe you have a dark mark, Regulus.”
Regulus stares at him, almost in awe. He stares and stares until James steps closer, and then he snaps out of it, stepping back and bumping into the desk. He whirls around, eyes wide as he mutters ‘shit,’ and quickly dumps the orange, bubbling potion into the sink.
“Fucking great, ruined my potion,” he snaps, and James tilts his head, stepping even closer. Regulus tenses, and James feels like he lost all the progress he had been making; he doesn’t give up though. Instead, he chews on his lip, trying a new approach.
“Whatcha making?”
“None of your fucking business Potter,” he replies back rather aggressively. James sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face. Before he can say anything else, though, Regulus jumps in, whirling around to face him with an angry expression.
“I’m not a good person, Potter,” he spits, and James flinches slightly, mouth opening. “I don’t know what kind of fantasy of a person you created in your head for me, but that’s not me. I’m not some saint tainted by a bad history, no matter what you think I’m not something you can just come in and fix, okay?” By the end of his rant, his voice becomes more resigned than angry, and he places a hand on his forehead, like a tired adult being pestered by a child.
James doesn’t let that ruin his spirit, though, so he tries again. “I don’t- I’m not trying to fix you, you’re not broken, Regulus,” he says softly, and Regulus peels his eyes open, staring at him warily as he rushes to continue, “you’re not broken, you’re not unfixable- you’re just a little cracked, like Sirius was,” Regulus’ face hardens at his brothers name, but James doesn’t let him cut him off, doesn’t let him storm off or leave.
“But cracks can be fixed easily- all they need is to be filled in. Even so, that’s not what I’m here for, okay? I’m here cause Sirius came back to the dorm crying, saying you got the dark mark, and I just don’t believe that! I mean, I can’t believe it,” he trails off, and Regulus gives him an exasperated look, rolling his eyes.
“So Sirius can believe it, who grew up with me, but some random boy can’t?” He snarks, and James presses a hand to his chest.
“Random boy? You wound me, truly, Regulus,” he pouts, and Regulus glares at him. He sighs, chewing his bottom lip as he stares at the younger boy, and then shrugs.
“Just, call it a hunch, I don’t know,” he murmurs, and Regulus laughs- at him, which is obvious. He’s laughing at him. Okay, ouch, but James can handle that.
“Oh, Merlin save me, the great Potter has a hunch that I’m not evil, and now he’s come to prove it. I just- I don’t even know how to reply to that, truly,” he scrubs a hand down his face, and James rolls his eyes.
“Reg,” Regulus pauses, and James tilts his head to the side, giving him a look. “You say- you say you’re a bad person, but I just don’t see it. I can’t see it, and maybe I’m biased, but once someone gets to know you, nothing really screams ‘big evil dude,’ sorry. You can pretend all you want, but me being here talking to you is proof enough to me that you’re not a bad person. I- I don’t care if you have the dark mark, Reg,” he murmurs, and Regulus actually flinches, face curled in what almost looks like disgust as he swallows.
“Don’t care? How the fuck could you not care, huh? Who are you to tell me what kind of person I am? Who are you- I just, I-”
“I get it, okay, I do, you feel like you have to put on this big act to protect yourself, protect yourself from getting hurt,” he says, and Regulus glares at him, shaking his head.
“You don’t know anything. What, you think just cause you know Sirius you know me? You know nothing about me or my family,” he hisses, and James sighs.
“He grew up in the same house, Reg, he went through the same things, I used to take care of him whenever he came back hurt. He’s your brother-”
“I’m not his brother!” He snaps, and James huffs, running his hands through his hair.
“How can you say that? I know he hurt you, just like you hurt him-”
“Oh for Merlins sake James stop pretending you know anything, because you don’t!”
“You’re still brothers,” he whispers, and Regulus shakes his head, curls whipping around as he sneers.
“No, no I’m not. I haven’t been his brother for a long time. Not since he came to hogwarts and met you. I’m not his brother, you are. You have been since he first met you. I haven’t been since he abandoned me, since he stopped sending me letters cause he was too busy with you. After I got sorted into Slytherin, he blatantly ignored me! He said himself I wasn’t his brother, you know, yesterday on the Astronomy tower,” he snarls, and James flinches, eyes wide.
“He was confused- he was hurt. He thought you had a dark mark,” he replies back quietly, and Regulus lets out a cold laugh.
“Yeah, whatever,” he snaps, going to shove past him, but James holds him, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. Hugging him. Regulus tenses under his touch, holding his breath.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you felt that way- I didn’t know you felt like I replaced you,” he murmurs, and Regulus squirms, letting out a grunt.
“I didn’t feel like anything. It’s true, he did.”
“He didn’t. He talked about you all the time, saying he was so excited for you to come. I remember he had a specific time set aside to write you letters, as well. No one could bother him during that time, and he always took at least thirty minutes, sometimes an hour,” he rambles, and Regulus stiffens.
“I never got any letters,” he mutters, and James shakes his head, confused.
“I don’t know why, I swear on Merlins grave he wrote you. Sometimes twice a day.”
It hits Regulus, the truth of what had happened. The weird times when he had seen piles of letters getting thrown into the fire, the times his mother denied receiving anything. “He must have forgotten about you.” She would say, and Regulus would be smacked whenever he began to cry.
“Oh,” he whispers, and James pulls back, looking concerned.
“Are you alright?” He asks, and Regulus looks up at him, eyes wide.
“I-” He stops, shaking his head with a small sigh.
“A soulmark,” he blurts out, and James’ eyebrows knit together. Regulus can see when it registers with him what he meant, because his eyes widen and he drops his hands from Regulus’ shoulders.
“Holy shit, Holy Merlins beard, you got a soulmark? That’s awesome! That’s amazing Reggie!” He shouts, and Regulus cringes lightly. He didn’t even know why he had told James, really. It had just slipped out.
“So it was a soulmark. Holy shit, Reg, this is awesome! Why didn’t you tell Sirius that was what it was?”
Regulus shrugs, grinding his teeth together. “Didn’t matter. I doubt he would’ve believed me. He hardly let me get anything out anyways, doubt I could’ve explained either way,” he mutters, and James shakes his head, dropping it.
“So, do you know who it is?” He asks excitedly, and Regulus stares at him for a long moment, like he was stupid, before rolling his eyes to the ceiling.
“No, James. I don’t know who it is,” he mutters, and James gives him a confused look.
“I’m sure you’ll find them soon, Reg,” he grins, and Regulus sighs, rolling his eyes again.
They sit in awkward silence, Regulus still seeming exasperated with James and James confused, before James clears his throat.
“I- uh, have something for you, by the way. Consider it a late christmas gift,” he gives Regulus a small smile as he pulls a wrapped gift out of his bag. He hands it to Regulus, who takes it hesitantly. He stares at it for a moment, before giving James a look.
“If this explodes in my face, expect not to have a face tomorrow morning, Potter,” he drawls, and James grins, saluting.
He peels it open, somehow still doing it elegantly and not at all like how James does (tearing it open with no mind to the paper at all.) When he pulls it out, his eyes widen, and he stares at it for a long time. James waits anxiously, before he can’t handle the silence anymore and he grins. “So, do you- I dunno, like it?” He sounds nervous, and Regulus swallows, glancing up at James.
Someone other than his friends hadn’t gotten him any gifts in a long, long, time. He didn’t really know how to react.
“Yes- uh, yes, I like it,” he clears his throat as James’ face absolutely just lights up, and James beams, tilting his head slightly. “I didn’t- I didn’t get you anything.”
“Don’t worry about it, Reggie! I saw it at a shop earlier, and well I thought you might like it. I’m glad you do. The shop was cool, by the way, I think you might like the shop as well, we should go together sometime,” he adds offhandedly, and Regulus flushes lightly, dragging a finger down the cover of the book.
“I’ll have to check my schedule,” he says sarcastically, and James laughs, throwing his head back. Regulus swallows, a fluttering feeling filling his stomach, and he suddenly thinks he should make James leave- like right now. He didn’t know how much longer he could be in the same room as this boy without his heart just completely bursting, which was stupid, because Blacks’ hearts did not burst.
“Well, now that you’ve done what you came here to do, maybe you should leave. I have to get back to my potion, and I’m sure you don’t want to be caught past bedtime,” he waves his hand towards his potion, and then the door, not glancing at James. James deflates slightly, before grinning again.
“Okay, well I guess I’ll see you around, yeah? And- I mean, McGonagall talked to me earlier… so maybe it’d be good if you started coming back to tutoring, yeah?” James asks nervously, and Regulus flushes up his neck with embarrassment, nodding his head swiftly.
“Sure, whatever Potter,” he replies back, and James grins, reaching out and grabbing Regulus’ hand. Regulus flinches, and James squeezes his hand slightly, before letting go and waving goodbye.
“Bye Reggie,” he sings, and Regulus watches him leave with an astonished expression.
“Stupid Potter,” he mutters, face burning as he glances back down at the book in his hands. He runs his fingers over the cover, admiring it. It was green, with gold, chipped linings going up it. It seemed old, the pages yellow and crinkled. He had never seen it before, not even in his parents library, which was filled with old books and scrolls. He flips through the pages, before stopping on a certain one. A slow smile spreads across his face as his eyebrows knit together.
Now this, this was perfect. Scratch his current potion, he was starting anew.
“Thank you, James,” he murmurs to himself, dumping his potion into the sink and pulling out his new ingredients.