Chapter 10
The first thing James does when he’s finished talking to Reg, is barge into his dorm room, startling awake all his dorm mates. He gets many grumbles, but he doesn’t stop until he’s turned on the lights and ripped off Sirius’ blanket, causing him to tumble out of his bed with a curse.
“What the hell, James. Are you dense, it’s almost one in the bloody morning!” He snaps, yanking his blanket back to cover his chest. He takes in James' state, being fully dressed and having the invisible cloak draped over one arm, and grunts, scrubbing a hand down his face. “What in Merlins name are you doing, Prongs?”
“I second that question,” Peter mumbles, pulling his pillow over his head. Remus had rolled over, already going back to sleep.
“He doesn’t have a dark mark,” James states, and Sirius pauses, letting the blanket fall slightly as he stares.
“What are you talking about?” He mumbles, though it’s quite obvious what Jaes meant.
“Reg- Regulus. He doesn’t have a dark mark, Pads.”
Sirius grits his teeth lightly, shaking his head. “And how the hell do you know that?” He grits out, and James straightens slightly, rubbing his fingers along his trousers.
“I- I talked to him.”
Sirius laughs at that, and Remus groans, turning over to stare at the pair as Sirius sneers, “You? You talked to him? How the hell did you manage that, huh? He won’t even talk to me.”
“Well- uhm, I just, I found him, in the potions room, and I stopped him, and I- well I talked to him.” He stutters, and Sirius stares for a moment, before plopping onto his bed and staring ahead.
“Well, if he would talk to you, then why wouldn’t he talk to me, huh?”
“I mean, sometimes, no offense mate, but when you’re emotional, you go straight from talking to, erm, yelling.”
SIrius snaps his head up, opening his mouth like preparing to yell, and then closes it, twisting his lips together.
It’s quiet for a pregnant pause, before he sighs, laying back onto his bed as he scrubs his face.
“He really doesn’t have the dark mark?”
“Really, I swear. I wouldn’t just say that, okay?” He plops down onto the bed beside his best friend, smiling at him, and Sirius bites his lip lightly.
“You saw? I swear- I saw something I did, so you saw that he doesn’t have one?”
James pauses for a second. He never actually saw the soulmark Reg said he had, but… well, to be honest, he didn’t need to.
He believed him.
“He doesn’t have one,” James repeats firmly, and Sirius visibly relaxes, turning to face James with a small smile.
“Thanks, Prongs. For doing this for me. And I’m sorry, for today, and this morning,” he mumbles, pressing his face into the pillow while curling into James. James gives him a smile, but a small ball of guilt had begun to form in his chest.
Had James truly done this all for Sirius? Of course he wanted to help his best friend out, but something, in the back of his mind, tells him it may have been more for himself, as well. Sure, he would have still been worried about Sirius if he had come in crying about his brother getting the dark mark, but would he have gone to all the work to find and speak to Regulus just because of that alone?
He turns over next to Sirius, as if that would get rid of the thought, and closes his eyes.
He drifts off to sleep thinking of what he does most nights.
When he wakes up, James has forgotten about the conundrum the night before, chest light and fluttery as he gets up. He gathers his clothes, brushes his teeth, and gets into the shower, scrubbing his hair as he thinks about the night before.
It was a happy coincidence, really, for Reg to get a soulmark around the same time as James. He had been nervous before, because one of the things that they had bonded over (or at least he thinks that was bonding) was them both not having a soulmark. When he had gotten his, and gone around showing it off, James had assumed that had been the reason for the boy avoiding him, and the awkwardness of them. Of course, he knew by now that hadn’t been the problem, that it was most likely the way Reg had acted when he was drunk, which of course James didn’t hold against him.
He flushes lightly at the memory, and then pauses at washing his hair, narrowing his eyes lightly.
Coincidence.
“It’s kinda strange that it randomly formed overnight, isn’t it? I mean, there has to be a reason.”
“Oh, stop putting the mood down, moony. It’s a miracle! There doesn’t have to be any logic behind it,” Sirius grins, and Remus, once again, rolls his eyes at the boy, grumbling under his breath. After a moment, Peter pipes in.
“I mean, he kinda has a point. It’s strange it only just formed, and randomly too. I wonder what sparked it into action.”
The day James had gotten the mark was the night after Regulus had kissed him.
And oh.
Oh.
It all clicked into place now, the strange behavior, the coincidental soulmarks, the strange feelings.
James stumbles out the shower, shampoo bubbles running down his shoulders as he grabs his towel, chest fluttery and tight at the same time.
Because oh, Regulus Black was his soulmate, wasn’t he?
Regulus Black was his soulmate.
He rushes into his dorm, gaining the attention of his best friends as he scrambles to grab his clothes.
“Erm, Mate, I think you have some soap in your hair still,” Remus snorts, and James eyes widen as he brings a hand to his hair, blinking at the soap that came back with it.
“In a rush to go somewhere, Prongs?” Peter calls, and he clears his throat, rolling back his shoulders.
“Uhm, no, I was just- trying to beat my record.” He replies back nervously, and Remus raises an eyebrow.
“Your record… of getting ready?”
“Yeah?”
“Why don’t you hop back into the shower and finish rinsing off, Prongs?” He asks, rather exasperated, and James sighs, walking back into the bathroom.
Maybe this was for the best, he thinks as he tips his head under the faucet to scrub at the soap. What would he have done anyways? Gone up to Regulus and just state they were soulmates?
He stops, once again, and blinks. Holy Merlins balls, did Regulus already know? Is that why-
He could almost physically see all the pieces click together in the mirror, and he swallows.
He was Regulus Blacks soulmate, and his soulmate didn’t want him. No wonder Reg had been avoiding him, he didn’t want to be James’ soulmate. He groans into his hands, running his fingers through his wet hair as he groans again.
What should he do? Should he confront Reg? Should he ignore it until Reg says something? He didn’t want to lose Reg, not again, the short time apart had been enough on his poor heart. He couldn’t imagine how he’d feel if Reg stopped talking to him all together.
Another thought pops into his head, one that makes his heart stutter and his chest squeeze tight as he looks at himself in the mirror.
Did he feel something for Regulus? Did he-
Did James like Regulus in more than a friend way?
He flinches as someone bangs on the door, turning off the faucet as he hears Sirius voice muffled through the door. “Come on Prongs, hurry up. Thought you were going for a record here?”
He shakes his hands out, scrubs one down his face, and lets out a sigh.
Regulus Black was his soulmate.
And James had a crush on Regulus Black.
“I can’t believe I told him,” he groans once more, and Barty groans along with him, tipping his head back and raking a hand through his hair.
“Yes, yes, yes, so you’ve said.”
“What if he figures out?” He mutters, and Barty rolls his eyes as he continues to walk down the hallway.
“Reg, I think you’re forgetting you’re talking about the biggest idiot in school right now,” Barty snorts, and Regulus grimaces lightly, before letting out a small laugh.
“The idiot I’m stuck with.”
Barty feigns disgust as they stop at Regulus’ next class, before he turns towards Regulus, placing his hands on his shoulder dramatically to force the boy to look at him.
“Everything’s fine Reg. Everything will work out fine. Okay?”
Regulus grimaces once again, making a show of shaking Bartys’ hands off his shoulders, before biting the inside of his cheek. “Bye, Crouch.”
Barty rolls his eyes, grinning. “Bye, Black.”
Regulus walks into his class, shuttering his face and immediately looking towards James. He looked… nervous, almost.
Once they meet eyes, though, James straightens, giving him a grin. Regulus looks around the class consciously, before glancing back at James, who was fiddling with his tie. When Regulus sits, James clears his throat.
“Hey Reg!” He beams, and Regulus shushes him lightly, dipping his head into his textbook with a flush.
“Hey, Reg,” he repeats quieter, and Regulus huffs lightly.
“Potter,” he replies back, and James pouts slightly.
“I thought,” at the look he gets, he lowers his voice, ducking his head close to Regulus’, “I thought we were- were friends now,” he sounds nervous towards the end, and Regulus eyebrows scrunch lightly. He opens his mouth to reply, but Slughorn finally takes his place in the front of the class.
“Alright, class, good afternoon and welcome! Today, we will be brewing amortentia! Please get your ingredients ready and you may begin whenever you’re ready.”
Regulus takes the excuse to get up, gathering the ingredients, and sits back down without glancing at James. James tries to lean over and make eye contact with him, but Regulus does all he can to avoid it, glaring down at the table as he begins to crush the pearls into dust.
“Reg,” James whines, poking his side, and Regulus grits his teeth.
“What?” He snaps, and when James doesn’t answer, he glances up, only to find James staring at him with a peculiar expression. He glares, and James blinks, looking down at the table with a flush.
“Nevermind,” he murmurs, gaze sliding over to Regulus once more, before dipping down to his arm slightly and then back to the table.
“What?” He asks again, sounding more frustrated, and James shakes his.
“We should probably start on this, yeah? Do we need anything else? I can grab it.” Regulus gives him a strange look, before sending him off to collect the rest of the ingredients.
When he comes back, he watches Regulus in silence, something Regulus isn’t quite used to around him, and it was beginning to weird him out.
Finally, he sighs, glancing at the older boy beside him. “So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
James meets his eyes, once again flushing, before swallowing thickly and letting out a small laugh.
“Nothing, Reggie, but I’m flattered to you know you worry about me,” he grins, and Regulus flushes, his gaze shifting to a glare as he huffs.
“Idiot,” he hisses, and James laughs once more as he stirs the potion.
Regulus holds up a hand, stopping him, and leans over the cauldron, before leaning back with a satisfied expression.
“It’s finished,” he says, and James’ eyes sparkle as he stares down at it.
“It is?” He grins, and Regulus gives him a look.
“I said it was, didn’t I?”
James gives him a grin, before waving the younger boy towards the cauldron. “Well, since you did most of the work, and all I did was stir it, I suppose you should have first go, yeah?”
Regulus rolls his eyes, leaning over the cauldron, and James shuffles up behind him, so close Regulus could smell him.
He huffs lightly, shoving at James shoulder as he scowls at him. “Merlin, Potter, could you be any closer? All I can smell is-”
He stops, stiff, and James furrows his eyebrows at him. “Reg? Something wrong?”
“No,” he replies back, voice cold, and James tilts his head slightly.
“So, what’d you smell?” He hums, and Regulus scans him, biting the inside of his cheek.
And then, with a neutral expression, he shrugs. “I don’t know. Can’t seem to place the smell. Something like books?”
He was lying, of course, but he wasn’t going to let James know that.
Quidditch pitch, broom polish, and cedar wood.
He hadn’t smelt James because he was too close, he had smelt him in the potion.
He curls his hands into fists as he steps back, motioning for James to step forward, and James bites his lip lightly as he does so, leaning over the potion and inhaling deeply.
He immediately jerks upright, eyes wide, and glances back at Regulus, who raises an eyebrow at him.
“What’s that look for?” Regulus asks suspiciously, and James flushes, letting out a startled laugh.
“Nothing- nothing, just-”
“Prongs, mate!” They both turn towards Sirius, who had darted over with a grin. His eyes slide over to Regulus, who scowls. Sirius swallows lightly, expression falling,before turning back to James and grinning once more.
“So, who’d you smell?” He wriggles his eyebrows, and James laughs, scratching the bag of his head.
“Uhm- well, I smelt-” his eyes slide over to Regulus, before quickly snapping back to his best friend. “I smelt books, perfume, and… lavender,” he clears his throat nervously, flushing as he wipes his hands on his trousers, and Regulus purses his lips and squints his eyes in suspicion.
Lavender sounded like-
“Mate you know who that sounds like,” Sirius beams, and James furrows his eyebrows in confusion as Sirius continues with excitement, “Evans! It sounds like Lily, Prongs!”
Regulus’ face goes blank, and his eyes drift to the back wall. Of course. He didn’t know what he expected. Potter was in love with Lily. He didn’t know why he felt like it mattered, because it didn’t, sure they were soulmates, but that didn’t mean they had to be together. He would marry a woman his mother picked out for him, and Lily would get with James.
James raises an eyebrow, before letting out a small, nervous laugh, “Mate- I don’t think it’s-”
“Sure, I mean, she doesn’t really smell like Lavender- but maybe you just really like Lavender! But the books and perfume? Come on Prongs, how obvious does this have to be? You can say you don’t fancy the girl anymore, but you obviously do.”
James had never really liked the smell of Lavender before, not before he met- before he met Regulus. He used to think it was overwhelming, but with the younger boy, it was overwhelming in a nice way. He could drown in his scent for eternity.
“Well then,” Regulus drawls, and both boys look to him, James mouth snapping shut before he can reply back to Sirius. “I’ll go tell the Professor we’re done, and then I’ll see if he’ll let me head down to the library. I have some revising I have to do, and preferably I’d rather be anywhere but around you two.
“Reggi- Regulus wait,” Sirius tries quietly, but Regulus had already walked off, stopping in front of Professor Slughorn. He glances up at the boy, and then beams, clasping his hands.
“My star pupil! How may I help?”
“Me and my partner- potions partner,” he clears his throat slightly, before beginning again, “have finished our assignment,” he waves towards James, who was making a show of trying very hard not to look at them while Sirius rambled on about something.
“Oh, already! How lovely, you have quite some talent, Mr. Black,” Slughorn beams, and Regulus tips his head in appreciation.
“Thank you, sir. I was wondering, since I have finished early, if I may head to the library to revise for some other classes? Of course, you can take my potion for an example,” he gives the professor a practiced smile, and Slughorn thinks it over for a moment, before nodding his head quickly.
“I suppose that’s fine. You are excelling in my class!” He laughs, and Regulus laughs along with him.
When he heads out, he keeps his gaze directed ahead, making sure not to even glance in the direction of the laughing boys.
He starts towards the library, and then veers off course, instead wandering down the halls and down to the great lawn. He sits underneath a tree by the lake, pressing a hand to his stomach, which was knotting uncomfortably.
Why did it hurt so much, knowing Potter was still undoubtedly in love with Evans? Why did it cause his chest to pinch and his stomach to knot?
He presses his hands to his eyes, resting his head against the back of the tree. Merlin, there was something wrong with him.
“I thought you were going to the library for revision?”
Regulus about flinches out of his skin, eyes widening as he glances up at the boy in front of him, before gritting his teeth.
“Potter, what in Godrics name are you doing here?” He snaps, and James gives him a sheepish smile.
“Well, I thought I’d come… ‘revise’ with you, since we are partners.”
“Partners in potions, not out of it,” he hisses, leaning back against the tree. James sits beside him after a hesitant moment, sucking on his teeth.
“Reg, could I ask you something?”
“I would prefer you didn’t, but I’m supposing that won’t really stop you.”
James opens and closes his mouth, before clearing his throat and restarting. “Uhm- I was just- who did you smell, in the amortentia?”
Regulus blinks, before slowly turning to face the older boy. “That? That was your question, really Potter?”
He flushes lightly, picking at the grass as he mumbles, “You know what I smelled,” he looks up through his lashes at the younger boy, who flushes lightly and grinds his teeth together.
It’s quiet for a long moment, and James thinks he’s not going to speak, but he finally does, startling the older boy.
“Broom polish, quidditch fields, and- and cedar wood,” he whispers, and James feels his chest flip, blinking rapidly.
Did that mean… had Regulus smelled James?
He lets out a small gasp, and Regulus gives him a confused look just as James leans in, pressing their lips together in a clumsy kiss.
Sure, James acts rashly, but he has to figure out these feelings- has to know if Regulus feels the way he does, with the fluttery chest and knotted stomach, the flushed cheeks and shaky hands.
Regulus gasps against his lips, a hand coming up to hover over his cheek as his eyes widen.
James seems to take that as a yes, because he moves in closer, pressing Regulus back up against the tree as he knots his hand in the younger boys’ hair.
Regulus blinks, eyes hooding slightly, before blinking again and shaking his hair, shoving James back, whose face is flushed and eyes are wide.
“What in Merlins name,” he jolts upward, clambering to his feet, and James scrambles up too as Regulus rushes on, voice trembling slightly, “went through your head to do that? Huh? What the fuck-”
“Reggie-”
“-is wrong with you? I mean, why would you even- did you forget you’re in love with the Evans girl-”
“Reggie-”
“-and you’ve been in love with her for the past years?” He finishes, voice hard, and James tugs at his arm, his good arm, pulling him back with a desperate plea.
“Regulus,” he breathes, and Regulus stops, stiff as he glares over his shoulder.
“What if someone had seen, huh? Didn’t you smell Lily in your potion?”
“Regulus, you heard what I smelled,” he replies quietly, and Regulus grits his teeth.
“Books and perfume, sounds a lot like the Evans girl, yeah?” He snarks, and James tips his head back lightly, groaning.
“Lavender, too, did you forget? That doesn’t sound familiar?”
“No.”
James laughs lightly, breathlessly, and dips his head closer to Regulus’ who flinches back slightly.
“Well then, since you don’t know, it smells like you, love,” he replies softly, and Regulus shakes his head, flushing dark.
“No- you do not.”
“Regulus.”
“I know I have a nice name but you can stop saying it, Potter.”
“I know.”
Regulus freezes, straightening, and blinks rapidly. “Know what?” He asks breathlessly.
“I think you know what,” James replies with a small smile, looking nervous, and Regulus inhales deeply, before shaking his head again.
“No- no I don’t-”
“We’re soulmates, Regulus,” his eyes are wide and desperate, and his lip puckers slightly as Regulus’ breath leaves him and he stumbles back.
“I figured it out this morning, and I think you already know. I was trying to figure out- I mean, I didn’t want to just confront you about it, but I guess that’s what I did, huh?” He laughs breathlessly, and Regulus stays frozen, eyes wide.
“I didn’t- the kiss was- I mean, it wasn’t planned, but I don’t exactly regret it either. Reg? Why’re you looking at me like that?”
“So that’s what this was about,” he looks away from James, sucking on the inside of his cheek, and James tilts his head in confusion, clearing his throat.
“I don’t think I know what you mean, Reg.”
“You found out I was your soulmate, and now you feel obligated to be with me. You don’t have to do that, Potter, I want to be with you just as much as you want to be with me,” he laughs, shoving his hands in his pockets, and James flinches, biting his bottom lip.
“I- that’s not what this is,” he whispers, and Regulus raises an eyebrow.
“Oh? So you suddenly just forgot about Evans? Suddenly you have a huge crush on me and you’re smelling me in amortentia?”
“I’ve been getting over Lily for a while now,” he says slightly desperately, and Regulus snorts.
“Yeah, that’s sure what it sounded like in class with Sirius.”
James cringes, shaking his head. “He’s wrong- he’s gotten the wrong idea since… since the night you kissed me,” he leans in, giving Regulus puppy dog eyes, who flushes from head to toe.
“On the cheek,” he hisses back, and James smiles slightly.
“This- these feelings are new to me, too. I didn’t realize ‘till this morning.”
“You mean when you figured out we’re soulmates?” Regulus grinds out, and James sighs, exasperated, shaking his head.
“That’s not it, Regulus. I wish you’d stop trying to run away from me.”
“Run away? Please, Potter, I wouldn’t waste my energy on running from you.”
James grins, tracing a finger along the younger boys cheeks, who flinches away once again, flushing lightly.
“Stop it,” he hisses again, and James lowers his hands, biting his lip lightly.
“Listen, Reg, if you truly and completely want me to leave you alone, I will, okay? But don’t tell me to go away if you don’t want me to leave,” he murmurs, and Regulus inhales lightly, blinking as he takes a small step back.
He looks down at the ground, quiet, before looking up at James. “Can we- I just, I can’t do this, not right now James,” he whispers, and James looks down at the ground with watery eyes as he clears his throat.
“I- can we be friends, for now?”
James lets out a shuddery breath, before blinking and perking up lightly. “For now?”
Regulus puffs out his cheeks, neither adding on or denying anything, and James grins, nodding his head excitedly. “Yes! Yeah, I’d be happy to be friends with you any day. We can work things out, take it slow,” Regulus tips his head down slightly, and James clears his throat again, scratching the back of his head. “And if friends are all we’ll ever be, I can deal with that.”
When Regulus looks up, James gives him a soft smile. “I’d be happy as long as I can be by your side, truly.”
Regulus lets out a shuddery breath, face flushing as he rolls his eyes. “You’re so cheesy, really Potter,” he huffs, and James grins, twisting his fingers together.
“Can I- can I see your mark? With how much I’ve shown mine off, I’m sure you’ve seen it- but I can show you again!”
Regulus stiffens, glancing down at his own arm, which was still scarred and burned. He tries not to cringe at the thought of it, glancing back up at an excited James.
“No,” he states, and tries not to feel bad at the dejected look he gets in return.
“Okay, okay that’s cool.”
It’s quiet, awkwardly so, and James finally breaks it with a grin. “So, now that we’re friends, can we hang out?... outside of school, maybe?”
Regulus swallows. Being seen with Potter, of all people, could be extremely dangerous for him. If anyone was to see the two of them, it could result in multiple injuries- to both of them.
But he couldn’t reject the boy, not for the second time in the past minute, so he shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly, giving him a bored look. “I suppose maybe, after the quidditch match coming up. I’m busy until then.”
James grins, expression shifting to mischief as he laughs. “Hope this game won’t change our relationship.”
“Oh, I’m sure it won’t, as long as you don’t mind losing,” Regulus muses, and James throws his head back and laughs again, making Regulus smile slightly.
“You’re funny Reggie,” James snorts, brushing his knuckles against the back of Regulus’ hands. Regulus looks up into his eyes, into the hazel eyes he dreamed of for so long, and smiles.
For the moment, he was happy, and he wished he could stay in this moment forever. He wishes he could trace the features of James’ face, wishes he could run his fingers over his mark, wishes he could kiss him again.
But he knows he can’t, and he knows this won’t last, so he lets the moment linger, lets himself stay in the sunlight for just a little longer before heading back inside and putting his mask back on.