Birthday Morning
Elphaba’s POV:
Midway through class, I glance to Galinda who has not been able to stop bouncing her leg since class started. I don’t really understand why she is so twitchy right now, it is her birthday- she has made a point to remind me everyday this past week, except for today. Which was odd, I’ll admit, but the first thing I did this morning was wish her a happy birthday and told her we could do whatever she wanted today. In which, she nodded and smiled softly, before getting out of bed to choose an outfit.
Which took way too long. Even for her. Typically, her choosing an outfit took 10 to 15 minutes, never more than that, but today it took her almost a half hour! She stood there picking up each outfit and pulling it to herself in the mirror, asking for my opinion, which she has never cared about, and getting overly frustrated.
“Galinda, most of these outfits look the same!” I told her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Just wear any one of them and let’s go, we will be late for class.” She then brushed my hand off and told me that I was wrong and if she was taking so long to just leave her behind. I didn’t of course, I knew better than to believe she wanted me to leave her, especially on her birthday. So, I sat and waited, watching as she rummaged through her closet, and when finally threw something on, she clearly did not love the choice but started her makeup.
Then the same thing, Galinda had always done the same makeup, every single day- but for the first time ever, here she was redoing her makeup. “Galinda, your makeup looks fine, no one will be grading you in cosmology today.” I had joked, in response, she had scoffed, quickly finished and stood up, ready to go.
“I know, Elphaba.” She rolled her eyes and gathered her bags. I had opened the door for her and we walked quickly to class. “You know, you don’t have to be so rude.” She told me as we walked into class, I hadn’t thought I was being rude… I was simply telling her she looked perfect and we would be late if she took any longer.
“Well, I am sorry if I came off in that way, I just thought you looked fine.” I told her, finding our seats as she quickly took her journal and supplies out. “Well, ‘fine’ isn’t good enough-”
“Happy Birthday, Galinda!” One of her friends had interrupted her mid sentence, causing her to stop her spiel and smiled at the girl in front of her.
“Oh, why, thank you!” She smiled brightly, before her face dropped as the girl walked away. I stayed silent through class, but now here we were, her leg still vigorously bouncing and eye’s everywhere but our professor. She hadn’t even been taking notes! Normally, she’d be trying to distract me- ask me ridiculous questions or asking me about weekend plans, or she’d be doodling in her notebook and tapping me to see what she had drawn. Even better, she’d dedicate a paper for us to have conversations in class so our professor wouldn’t hear since Galinda had gotten in trouble one too many times for talking in class. But today, nothing. I noticed her squeezing her hands together, playing with her rings and twisting them. How her eyes were zoned out. I wanted to ask if she was okay, or what was wrong- but I didn’t want to get us in trouble, so I did what she normally did.
I turn to a new sheet of paper in my book and write “you seem distracted, what’s wrong?” and slide it to her. She doesn’t even glance at it. I clear my throat, indicating the paper is waiting for her, nothing. Normally, she’d snatch it up right away and not ignore it. I frown at her wondering what it could be about and then I remember… She is clearly upset at me for rushing her this morning. I grabbed the paper and wrote “Is this about this morning? If it is, I really am sorry.” and drew a small heart, in hopes it may make her smile.
This time, I nudged her arm lightly with my elbow as I slid the note closer. That finally got her attention- barely. She blinked, like she’d just realized I was there, and glanced at the paper. For a moment, I thought she was going to pick it up. But instead, she gave me a small, distracted smile, shook her head faintly, and went back to staring at her desk.
That was it? A smile? Not even a real one too, the kind she had given me when we first became roommates and practically hated each other. Now it was my turn to shake my leg, I grabbed the paper one more time. “Can I do something to help?” I wrote, sliding it back, in which she glanced at the paper and shook her head no to me. Great. Maybe I was getting the silent treatment. And on her birthday too? Even better.
As class was dismissed, I waited as she took her time placing things back into her bag. She was desperately slow and I watched as she looked around the classroom at everyone leaving. Finally, once everyone had left, she stood up and looked at me as if she was ready to go- but I stood in her way.
“You’re not acting like yourself.” I told her, clutching my notebook to my chest.
“I don’t know what you mean.” She sighed, tossing her hair slightly.
“You’re... quiet,” I said, struggling to put my thoughts into words. “And weird. Quieter and weirder than usual, I mean.”
She laughed softly- barely a laugh, really. It was more of an exhale. “I’m fine, Elphie.”
“You’re obviously not,” I countered, stepping closer. “And if this is about this morning-”
“It’s not about this morning,” she interrupted, her voice sharper than I expected.
I raised an eyebrow, surprised by the flash of emotion. She sighed, rubbing her temples.
“Sorry,” she murmured. “I didn’t mean to snap.”
“It’s fine, I just want to know if I did something wrong.” I tell her truthfully.
“No, you didn’t. I’m okay!” She smiles, and gestures for us to walk out. In which we are met with a few of our friends that we did not have in class.
“Happy birthday, Galinda!” Pfannee squealed the moment he saw her. She smiled brightly, giving him a quick hug.
“Thank you, Pfannee!” She turned to Fiyero who stood waiting for his turn.
“Happy birthday, you princess!” He smiled, and placed a small kiss on her head.
Galinda’s face lit up with a smile, the kind of smile that was too bright to be completely genuine. She straightened up and tossed her hair, clearly pleased by the attention. “Oh, you guys,” she said, voice sweet as honey. “You’re all too kind.”
Pfannee bounced on her heels. “So, what are we doing to celebrate? We’ve got plans, right?”
“Of course,” Galinda replied, her tone a little too rehearsed. “Dinner, cake, a toast with everyone. You know the usual.”
I watched as she interacted with them, laughing at their jokes and nodding along, but there was something in her eyes- something that didn’t quite match the brightness of her smile. I stood still by her side watching the group's interactions. I watch her fingers running over the edge of her purse strap or smoothing her skirt for the tenth time in a row, I am close to reaching out and stopping her.
It was like she was trying so hard to be the perfect birthday girl, the one everyone adored, but I could see past it. Fiyero, catching her attention, leaned in with a grin. “Oh, by the way, my boyfriend’s going to join us for dinner. Hope that’s okay with everyone.”
Galinda blinked, her smile faltering for a fraction of a second before it was back in full force. “Of course! The more, the merrier!”
“Perfect, you will love him.”
“Oh! You know, it’s perfect you should mention that because my cousin’s in town, and I think it’d be fun if she joined us too. She’s just the cutest thing! I’m sure she’ll fit right in with the group.”
“Oh!” She blinked, “Yes, that sounds lovely.” She smiled, giving me a look. What the look meant, I had no idea, but I took notice, and wanted to pull her aside and ask if it was really okay that extra people would be joining us. We stood as the group fell into chatter about what the night would look like. What cake to buy, what restaurant to go to, where to go after dinner… and so on. I watched quietly as they planned her birthday practically for her as she stood silently listening.
I cleared my throat, the words slipping out before I could stop myself. “Maybe we should see what Galinda prefers?”
There was an immediate shift in the air. Everyone fell silent for a split second, their eyes going between me and Galinda. The moment felt too heavy, too awkward.
Galinda’s cheeks turned a deep shade of pink, her fingers stilling on her purse strap. “Oh.. um, I-” She stammered, clearly embarrassed by the attention, which she never is.. I could see her trying to force a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“Oh, Elphaba, you didn’t have to,” she said quickly, almost too quickly. “I- well, I don’t mind. Really. I’m just happy to be with everyone.” She nodded, her voice slightly trembling at the end of her sentence. I watched as her eyes were wide and a little flustered, before she hurriedly added, “I’m not picky. Whatever you all want is fine.”
“Alright, then,” Fiyero said, quickly trying to fill the awkward silence. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll make sure Galinda has the best birthday.”
“I was thinking,” I said carefully, my voice interrupting their overlapping talk. “There’s that little Italian place we went to last month, the one with the outdoor seating? I thought it might be nice to go there tonight. They do the best cheesecake.” I offered, knowing Galinda had mentioned just a few weeks ago that she wanted to go back for her birthday. Maybe I could help by pushing them in the right direction.
“Oh, I don’t know, Elphaba,” Fiyero started, “There is that new restaurant, The Hidden Lantern, I heard they had incredible food.”
“Totally trendy, too. Everyone’s been talking about it!”
“That’s true, it’s so in right now,” ShenShen added, her voice dripping with excitement.
I turned to Galinda, expecting her to back me up- after all, we had been there just a few weeks ago, and I knew she’d enjoyed it. But when our eyes met, I could tell she wasn’t going to agree with my suggestion, or the one she really wanted. Now she was staring at the group, her hands now folded tightly in front of her, like she was bracing for the decision to be made for her.
I could tell she didn’t want the new restaurant, she knew what she wanted- but to come out and say it was difficult. And usually for Galinda it wasn’t, but today it was. Which concerned me, quite frankly. I opened my mouth to argue, to press the issue, but then I saw the look on Galinda’s face again- her hesitant and resigned expression, and something stopped me.
“No, you’re right,” I said, nodding slowly. “We should go where Fiyero suggested. That sounds great.” I made the decision for her, knowing if I pressed the issue, it would cause more attention which she clearly didn’t want right now, and more discomfort.
“Yeah, sure. I think it’ll be fun,” she said, her voice a little too high-pitched, a little too eager.
“Oh perfect! I will call to make reservations right now!” He smiled, patting her on the head once and walking off. Clearly our little interaction went over his head…and everyone else's… because it was extremely clear Galinda did not want this.
“You can always change your mind,” I whispered to her, nudging her slightly.
“Elphaba, it’s fine.” She said quietly, “I wanted to go there.”
“No, you didn’t you wanted the other restaurant but -”
“I am fine, Elphaba,” she snapped, her voice grew tense. “Really, it’s okay. I don’t mind. I’d rather everyone else be happy. If they want the new place, we should go there.”
“Alright! Reservations set for 7 tonight!” Fiyero smiled, walking back and giving us a smile.
“Perfect,” she smiled, and everyone dispersed talking to each other as she and I stood there awkwardly.
Galinda’s POV:
Finally, we were able to head up to our dorm in silence. “You know,” she began hesitantly, “if something’s bothering you, you can just tell me. I’m not... terrible at listening.”
I smiled tightly. “I know.”
“Is it the dinner thing?” she asked, her brow furrowing. “Because you can change your mind, you know. I’ll back you up.”
“It’s not the dinner thing,” I said, more sharply than I intended.
She crossed her arms, leaning against the desk. “Then what is it?”
I busied myself with straightening the already perfectly aligned pillows on my bed, my back to her. “Nothing, Elphaba. I’m just tired.”
“You sure? Because you don’t seem-”
“I said I’m fine!” The words came out harsher than I wanted, and she took a step back.
“Okay,” she hesitated, “I’ll drop it.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, feeling guilty for yelling at her for trying to help.
“It’s your birthday,” she said softly. “You don’t have to be sorry for... whatever this is.” She turned away, taking out her book and sitting at her desk. I want to apologize because I am sorry. I wish I could tell her, but, she wouldn’t understand.
I sit down in my bed, pulling my journal out from under my pillow.
Dear Diary,
I just feel.. like my birthdays could be a burden. I often feel like maybe the people celebrating me… don’t even really care about me, that they are just doing this because they feel bad for me.Like I’m dragging people into a performance they don’t even want to be part of. I feel so much anticipation leading up to the birthday, that when it comes, I expect it to be perfect- and it never is. And it makes everything ten times worse. I spend days, even weeks, building it up in my mind, imagining how perfect it could be. Should be. But then the day arrives, and it never lives up to that shimmering, impossible vision. And I am left feeling so empty inside, and it leads me to feeling guilty for being sad on my birthday- who is sad on their birthday, Diary?
I don’t understand why I feel like this. I don’t want to feel like this. But I don’t want people to remember my party as lame, or not fun… I want everyone to have fun, everyone to enjoy themselves even at the expense of myself. Because at the end of the day, even if it is my birthday, it can’t be all about me. I want everyone to enjoy themselves, even if it’s at the expense of my own happiness.
I glance at Elphaba, still occupied. I can’t tell her all of this. She wouldn’t understand. She’d probably argue with me, tell me I was being ridiculous, that birthdays should be about the person being celebrated. But what if that’s selfish? I continue writing silently.
Because at the end of the day, even if it is my birthday, it can’t be all about me. There’s only one of me, and there are tons of guests. Of course they matter more. They’re the majority. And isn’t the majority always supposed to matter more?
The words blur on the page, and before I can stop it, a sob escapes my lips.
Across the room, Elphaba is still reading, and he doesn’t notice at first, and I try to keep it that way, hoping I can cry quietly enough to go unnoticed.
But then another sob breaks free, louder this time.
Her head snaps up. “Galinda?”
I shake my head, trying to turn away, but it’s too late.
She’s already crossing the room, her book abandoned on the desk.
“Hey-” her voice is softer now, full of worry. “What’s wrong?”
I curl in on myself, closing my journal and placing it on the side, my shoulders trembling as the weight of everything crashes over me. Oh oz, it’s barely afternoon and I’ve cried, how embarrassing.
“I’m fine,” I manage to choke out between sobs.
“You’re clearly not fine,” she says, concern in her voice. “What happened?”
“Was it the dinner thing? Or something someone said?” she presses gently.
I bury my face in my hands, shaking my head.
She doesn’t push further. Instead, she reaches out, her hand hovering awkwardly near my shoulder before finally settling there. “It’s okay,” she says quietly. “You don’t have to tell me. Just… breathe, alright?”
“I’m trying.” I told her, and she shook her head in understanding. She fully sat down next to me, grabbing my hand and squeezing it, her other hand soothing my hair gently. “I know.” She whispered finally. This was extremely embarrassing, I hated people seeing me cry. I take a shaky breath, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’m just feeling a little sad.” I admit to her, and she nods.
“It’s silly.” I let a small laugh out.
“It’s not silly,” she says firmly, her fingers move gently through my hair, and I feel myself begin to lean into her. The weight of my head rests on her shoulder, her arm brushing against mine.There’s been a handful of times that we have shared my bed without a second though. Many times I have fallen asleep as she flips the pages of her book. Many times she has played with my hair at night- but now it feels different. I feel the panic sink in once again.This is too much.
I’m too much. What if she realizes that? What if she thinks I’m clinging, pathetic even, for needing this comfort? Always needing all this attention.
“I-” My voice cracks as I sit up abruptly, pulling away from her touch.
Elphaba’s brow furrows, her hand still suspended in the space where my hair had been moments before.
“Galinda?” she asks, confusion in her voice.
I can’t look at her. I stand up quickly, brushing my hair down. “I- I just remembered I need- I need to-”
“Hey, what’s wrong?” She asks, starting to stand as well.
“Nothing! I’m fine. Really.” I nod and smile to her, which she clearly doesn’t believe. My throat tightens, “I’ll be back in a bit. Don’t wait up.” I walk out and the door slams behind me.
Elphaba’s POV:
It’s nearly six and we prepare ourselves for her dinner in our room. It’s quieter than usual, but I don’t want to push her and make her upset. She’s in the bathroom finishing getting ready, and I’m left here, fidgeting like an idiot and wondering if I’ve done something wrong. I hear her heels clicking as she walks back to the main room. She gives me that smile that says, Don’t ask. Don’t pry. Just let me be.
Her hair is swept up elegantly, soft curls framing her face. She looks…beautiful doesn’t even begin to cover it. Her dress is just as stunning, everything is absolutely gorgeous on her, it almost distracts me from the same fake smile on her face.
“You’re staring,” she says, a hint of teasing in her voice, though her cheeks flush pink.
“Am I?” I force myself to sound indifferent, and I watch as she gathers a few of her items into a purse.
“You look nice,” she says softly, fiddling with the clasp of her necklace.
“So do you.” The words escape before I can stop them, her smile changes. It’s more genuine. And when we meet up with our group downstairs, everyone gushes over her and her look. Saying he looked amazing, looked beautiful, gorgeous- and I watched as she smiled and nodded graciously at the compliments. But by the look on her face I could practically hear her thoughts, they don’t mean it. This is what they are supposed to say.
As we fall a few steps behind the group, I lean closer, keeping my voice low so only she can hear. “I really do think that you look gorgeous tonight.” I smile, wrapping my arm around her elbow. Her steps faltering a bit before she turns to me,
“You mean it?”
“Why would I lie? Not that you need a fancy dress to look good,” I add, feeling heat creep up my neck. “You always do. But tonight, you look like you belong in one of those portraits hanging in a museum,” I let a small laugh out but she is not laughing.
“Honest to Oz?” She asks.
“I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t.” I smile and she presses her lips together, clearly flustered, but there’s something lighter in her expression now- relief, maybe?
“Well… thank you,” she manages, her voice a little breathless.
“You’re welcome.” I pause, “And let’s have fun tonight, celebrating you.” I say, shoving her off balance slightly. She only nods in agreement but I can't tell if she fully agrees.But what I do realize, she doesn’t just need praise. She needs sincerity. And I’ll always give her that.
And when we arrive at the restaurant, the hostess greets us with a polite smile. “Reservation for Fiyero Tiggular?”
“That’s me!” he says brightly, guiding us toward a long table near the windows. “Only the best for Galinda’s big night.” He smiles, standing and awaiting his new partner that would apparently also be joining Galinda’s “big night”. Galinda stands beside me, quiet but composed. Her fingers twist slightly around the strap of her purse… again, a subtle tell I’ve come to recognize. She’s nervous again.
I watch as another person appears, apparently Fiyero’s new boyfriend. He pulls out a chair for his new partner, and now everyone starts to arrange themselves to sit with one another as me and Galinda stand at the edge of the table, I watch as she looks around to see where she may fit.
Before she can sit on her own, I step forward and pull out the chair for her.
Her head snaps up, surprise flickering across her face. “Oh,” she breathes softly.
I offer her a small, awkward smile. “Go ahead.” I pause, “I’ll sit next to you.” I don’t know if this was the right thing to do, but when I glance out of the corner of my eye to see her, I see a small but genuine smile once again.
“Thank you,” she murmurs, so quietly that only I can hear it.
“No problem,” I say casually.
“Alright, table! Let us see the appetizers,” Fiyero announces to the group, and everyone begins to talk about what to order. I watch the way her fingers absently trace the edge of her menu.
I lean slightly toward her, keeping my voice low. “You doing okay?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” She glances at me, her smile a little forced
“Just checking,” I say simply, not pushing further.
“It’s your night, Galinda. What do you think?”
“Oh, I’m fine with whatever,” she laughs, waving a hand. “I just want everyone to enjoy themselves.”
I bite back a sigh. “Maybe we should see what Galinda prefers,” I suggest, earning a few surprised looks from her friends.
Galinda’s cheeks flush again, and she shoots me a quick, flustered glance. “Elphaba-”
“No pressure,” I add, “but it is your birthday.”
For a moment, she looks like she might protest, but she glances down and looks over the menu.
“Well…” she hesitates, “the artichoke dip does sound nice.”
“Ah, so the dip it is.” Fiyero nods, and lets the waitress know as she comes to the table.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“Just looking out for you.” I nod, and point to her menu so she can choose what she wants next.