Anxiety Attacks
Galinda’s POV:
The rest of the dinner went on as my friends chattered. I sit between them all, smiling politely, nodding at the right moments, but no one really talks to me. It’s not that they’re ignoring me on purpose- I know that. They’re just caught up in their own banter, their own dynamics that, tonight of all nights, I can’t seem to fit into. And it’s embarrassing really, that I feel like an outsider at my own celebration.
I keep listening anyway, pretending the conversations include me. My fingers fidget with the edge of my napkin, twisting it into a wrinkled mess.
“You’re going to destroy that poor napkin,” Elphaba’s low voice murmurs beside me.
“Oh,” I glanced at her and the napkin in my hands, “I guess I didn't realize.”
“Rough night for napkins, I guess.”
Despite myself, I smile. “I’ll try to be gentler.”
“Good idea. We don’t need any more casualties.”
Her dry humor pulls a small laugh from me.
“So,” she continues, her tone playful, “do you always eat artichoke dip like it’s a life-or-death situation, or is that just a birthday tradition?”
I blink, caught off guard. “Excuse me?”
She gestures subtly to my plate. “You’ve been glaring at it for the past five minutes. I assumed there was some sort of vendetta involved.”
“I wasn’t glaring.” I laugh, shaking my head.
“You were,” she insists in a teasing manner. “Very intimidating, really.”
“You’re ridiculous,” I mutter, but my smile lingers.
“There’s that smile,” she winks at me, and reaches across me to steal from my plate of appetizers. “I was starting to think I’d have to work harder for it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask her, and she shakes her head. “Well, thank you.” I smile again, “for helping me out today.”
She doesn’t immediately respond. Instead, she watches me for a moment with a look that makes my chest tighten, her eyes thoughtful, almost too intense for my liking. “I don’t know what you mean.” She smiles, and I look away.
“Yes, yes you do.” I say softly.
“It’s your birthday, Galinda. You don’t have to thank me for that.” The way she says my name sends a shiver down my spine, so gentle and caring… It's almost too much. I feel her eye’s on me, almost like she’s studying me, like she’s trying to figure something out.
The conversation around us continues, but I can barely focus on anything else. My mind is racing, my heart beating a little too fast. Why is it so difficult to just breathe right now? Why does she have that effect on me? I mean, it’s happened before, when it is just the two of us- never in public.
“Hey, you okay?” She whispers again, the way she says it makes my pulse spike. It’s like she knows something’s off. Like she can tell I’m not entirely myself, but she’s giving me space to admit it.
“I-” I can’t just blurt out how she’s making me feel. How her proximity is making my stomach twist in the strangest ways.
But I can’t seem to pull myself together. The intensity of her gaze is suffocating and comforting all at once, and it’s like she’s drawing me into a secret world of just the two of us. Before I can answer, Fiyero’s voice cuts through the tension, loud and brash, pulling me out of the moment. “Galinda! Stop being so quiet over there! What do you think of the appetizer?”
“Oh,” I cleared my throat, “It’s amazing.” I smiled at the waitress who nodded, and began taking orders around the table. I scrabble to find my menu, to find I have only skimmed the pages and not decided what I wanted. I feel her shift her direction to me as she waits patiently for my response. I glance at Elphaba who is clearly aware I have no idea what I want- how embarrassing is this!
“You should get the Mushroom Risotto, it’s their top rated dish.” She points to the menu, and I nod, it does sound appetizing.
“Um, y-yes, I’ll do that.” I tell her, and she nods, taking my menu. “Thank you, I’m sorry I just-”
“Don't apologize, it’s okay.” She gives a nod to me and shifts her attention to Phanee’s cousin who is visiting, who has not introduced herself to me, but clearly has no problems chatting it up with Elphaba. I clear my throat, subtly trying to get her to look back to me, and now the girl who has not even wished me a happy birthday. I feel my fingers tighten around the napkin again. I try to force a smile, but inside, there’s this strange twisting feeling, like I’m being left out of something. And I shouldn’t feel this way, there’s no reason to. But then part of me feels as if maybe she’s tired of this. Trying to help me, as she has been doing all day.
I can’t be the person who interrupts, who pulls her away from others just because I need a little reassurance. That’s not who I am. Right? Sweet Oz, typical me would’ve already demanded her attention and made a comment to the nameless girl about how she just showed up to my party. Now I just sit here, watching, too afraid to break the silence or say anything that might draw attention to myself. Not like the me who is confident and doesn’t need someone to ask if she’s okay. God, what was wrong with me?
Even as they bring out food, the two stay talking. I stare at my plate not wanting to be the first one to eat. But then I feel it- warm and steady, a hand slipping into mine beneath the table. Her hand.
I blink, startled, my heart beating faster as I glance her way. She’s still facing the others, nodding along to whatever Phannee and his cousin are saying, but her fingers curl around mine. Her thumb brushes against my skin, and my first instinct is to pull away, to hide the fact that my hand is clammy and that I’m probably overthinking this entire moment. But I don’t. I let myself hold on, even if just for a little while. I tighten my hand slightly around her, signaling I am grateful for the small gesture, and I am appreciative. She squeezes back and I wish dinner was over so we could be the two of us again.
Elphaba’s POV:
“I vote we hit up the new dance club downtown,” Fiyero grins, leaning back in his chair. “Perfect vibe for a birthday celebration.”
Pfannee perks up. “Oh, yes! I heard their dance floor lights up.”
Galinda nods politely, though I can tell she’s less enthusiastic than the others. Her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. I want to tell her we don’t have to go out, it was only a suggestion- but the waitress interrupts us by placing a cake in front of the blonde who had no idea.
“Compliments of the green lady,” the waitress says with a knowing smile before stepping away.
“Elphaba! You really didn’t have to-”
“I know, but it’s your birthday and you deserve something special.” I shrug, and everyone urges her to smile as they sing to her. There’s something delicate about the way she holds herself, like she’s balancing between gratitude and discomfort. She looks around hesitantly, and I reach my hand back out to her just as I had done earlier, and she accepts by squeezing it gently.
“So Galinda, where to next?” Shen Shen asked, clearly excited about what she might say.
“I still vote for the new dance club, it’s fabulous.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she says hesitantly, forcing a bright tone. “Whatever you all want is fine.”
“Oh,” I cut in, trying to give other options more suitable for her, “maybe we can just go back and watch some movies? Maybe just call it a night?” I pause, “Whatever she wants, right?’
“Oh, yeah totally.” Fiyero nods, “Whatever you want, Galinda.” He smiled and the other nodded. “No pressure.”
“Oh... um, really?”
“Of course,” Fiyero says warmly. “It’s your day.”
Her shoulders relax, “Thanks. I think... I think I just want to head back for a quiet night.”
“That sounds perfect,” I agree gently.
“I don’t mind if y’all wanted to come over and we can watch a few movies in the private theater, though.” She offered, her voice hopeful they would agree.
“Oh, perfect! Now I don’t have to spend more money,” Fiyero laughed.
“And I can change into something more comfortable.” Pfanne had agreed.
I glanced sideways at Galinda, narrowing my eyes slightly in realization. The private theater wasn’t something you could just walk into; it had to be reserved in advance. She’d already rented it. This wasn’t some last minute decision.
“You already booked it, didn’t you?” I whispered to her as the others talked excitedly about movie choices.
Her cheeks turned pink once again. “Maybe.”
“That’s what you wanted to do, huh?”
She shrugged, pretending nonchalance. “I didn’t know if anyone would want to.”
“Well, they do,” I assured her softly. “And so do I.”
“I knew you would, Elphie,” she smiled at me, and I smiled at the nickname she’d given me so many months ago. “Can you sit next to me?”
“Is that even a question?”
“Sorry, I didn't know if you were going to leave me for your new little friend.” She eyed the girl sitting opposite of me. Galinda was.. Jealous? Over a girl I had just met and talked to for ten minutes?
“I didn’t realize you were keeping tabs on my social life,” I teased, though my tone softened when I noticed the flicker of uncertainty behind her playful words.
“Maybe I am,” she smiled softly.
“Well, just know, if I’m there, always save me a seat.” I tip my head down to her and she shakes her head.
“Good.” She paused, and looked around at how everyone was gathering their belongings.
“Shall we head back?” I stood and offered her a hand up. She hesitated again, before grabbing it. As we made our way toward the exit, I turned to the group. “We’ll meet you all at the theater in an hour so everyone can change.”
“See you there!” Fiyero gave a two-finger salute.
Galinda and I walked back to our room together, the night air cool against our skin. The energy from dinner faded with each step, and Galinda grew quieter, the spark from earlier dimming once more. Once I shut the door behind us I knew I needed to see what was wrong.
“Okay, that’s enough, what’s bothering you?”
“Bothering me? Nothing’s bothering me, silly. Why would you think that?”
I raised an unimpressed brow. “Because I have eyes. And because I know you.”
She laughed a little too brightly, waving a dismissive hand. “Oh, Elphie, you’re being dramatic.” She turned toward her closet, rummaging through hangers with unnecessary enthusiasm. “Now, what should I wear to the movie night? I was thinking-”
“Galinda.” My voice was gentle but firm, cutting through her rambling.
She stilled, her hand faltering on a pastel sweater. “Really, Elphaba, I’m fine,” she insisted, though her voice wavered. “Nothing to worry about.”
“Look, you already told me earlier you were feeling a little sad, is that what this is? You’ve been quiet, you’ve been fidgeting nonstop, and I am not trying to push you but I am just worried, Galinda.” I reach my hands to her and squeeze. “I just want to help.”
“There is nothing I need help with, Elphaba.” She releases my hands and turns back around.
“You don’t have to pretend with me, you know.”
“I’m not pretending,” she shot back, a bit sharper now.
“You are.” I softened my tone again. “Galinda, it’s me.”
“It’s not a big deal,” her voice shook and I had to get to the bottom of this.
“Galinda, yes it is!” I stand closer to her, “Galinda please, don’t run away from me.”
"Elphaba, please. Just stop. I'm fine."
"You’re not," I said firmly, refusing to back down.
Her breath hitched, and suddenly it was like a flip and switched as she turned around from her closet to face me. "Why do you care so much?" she burst out, voice cracking. "Why are you trying to fix me? You can't just make everything better by... by playing with my hair or pulling out chairs or- being you!" Tears welled in her eyes, and she swiped angrily at them, clearly humiliated by her own outburst.
"I just wanted it to be a good day," she choked, her voice thick. "But it never is. I always mess it up- or it just goes wrong. And then I feel like- like I'm too much or not enough all at once. And I hate that you’re seeing me like this. Oh Oz, I am so embarrassed.” She slid against the wall and onto the floor. I quickly rushed to her side, sitting next to her.
"It's okay," I whispered against her hair. "You're not too much, Galinda. And you don't have to do anything to be enough."
“You’re just saying that.”
“I am not. You have been an amazing… friend, roommate, and person- I love you.” I let out, hesitating at the word friend, and the
"I love you too," she whispered, her voice catching. We both knew what we meant. There were no further questions or anything between us, just the silence that filled the air.