Picking up the pieces of our broken family
Remus awoke to a nasty migraine.
It was one of those days- the days where everything hurts and no potion or medicine will help.
Today was the day of the full moon.
At least they weren't as bad as they used to be. Now he knows that others around him will be safe from the monster.
He took out the map for what must be the millionth time since he got it back.
The same question still plagued his mind: why is Peter's name on the map?
It makes no sense.
He tried to ignore the thoughts telling him why it did.
He closed his eyes and let out a harsh sigh.
He had thought things were getting better- they were getting better.
He was a professor at Hogwarts, something he never imagined to be possible, and got to make sure that Harry was safe.
Harry was so much like his parents that it hurt. He had James' untameable, messy black hair and terrible eyesight, as well as his seemingly effortless way of getting in trouble. He had Lily's enchanting, intelligent green eyes, thin figure and unwavering kindness to those who he thinks deserve it.
God, he missed them.
Oddly enough, he also reminded Remus of him.
Remus quickly erased that thought from his mind. Today was bad enough without having to think about him.
He checked the clock on his desk and saw that it was 7:53 PM. He had slept in late, it seems. He had woken up at 8:00 AM to go to breakfast and marked some essays until lunch time. He didn't last long after lunch and gave in to sleep's calling. The moon was affecting him more and more as the years went on; even after that much needed sleep, he still felt like he was going to collapse out of fatigue.
As he looked back at the parchment, he saw that Peter's name had moved from Hagrid's hut to across the castle grounds. Harry and his friends (Miss Granger and the youngest Weasley boy) were with him.
Something definitely wasn't right.
Remus groaned inwardly- he really didn't want to get up.
This was why he accepted the position at Hogwarts in the first place though. He had vowed to himself, Lily and James that he would keep their Harry safe.
He never once took his eyes of the map, even as it lead him to the whomping willow. To be honest, he was lucky he hadn't run into any student or colleagues.
Remus went down the tunnel as fast as he could when he heard voices above him. He pulled himself up through the trapdoor and briskly walked up the stairs to the door. The voices were so clear it hurt. He was almost at the door when he heard it.
"Are you going to kill me, Harry?" Sirius said in a voice that was too cheerful for someone who's life was clearly being threatened.
It was almost enough to freeze him where he stood.
He didn't stop,
He threw himself against the creaky broken doors that separated him from the chaos the room contained. "Expelliarmus," he hastily shouted, desperate to prevent Harry killing Sirius.
He gestured for Harry to move away from Sirius and was grateful when he went to join his friends in the corner. He kept his wand trained on the man, letting all of them know that he was in control in this situation.
"Well, well, Sirius. Looking rather ragged, aren't we? Finally the flesh reflects the madness within," he voiced his thoughts, though let no emotion escape onto his face.
"Well you would know all about the madness within, wouldn't you Remus?"
Remus tried to keep a straight face but he felt a smile slipping onto his face within seconds. He was instantly reminded of all the reasons he loved this man. He was one of his best friends, albeit a massive pain to deal with, but a good man. He definitely wasn't a killer. He definitely wasn't Lily's and James' Killer.
He let his wand drop and offered his old friend a hand. He was greeted with a bitter smile and was gifted a hug in return.
God, when was the last time he'd been hugged?
He knew that Sirius wouldn't have been hugged for a long time either. 12 years. That poor, poor man. Not even Sirius deserved that.
The man clung to him desperately for a long moment before he spoke. "I found him."
"I know." God, he does know. Sirius had done so well, finding the rat all by himself.
"It's him." Remus felt his heart break as he heard the desire in Sirius' voice for him to believe him. Remus knew that he hadn't believed him before but that was a mistake he intended to never make again.
"I understand," he told him. Hoping that Sirius would understand in turn.
"Let's kill him," Sirius told him rather than suggested to him. He had obviously had this thought on his mind for a while and Remus honestly couldn't blame him. There was a time when Sirius was the focus of his thoughts, no matter how hard he tried to pretend like he had never met the man. He had had thoughts of the man dying a torturous, excruciating death. He thought all of that because he was sure that the convict had killed two of his dearest friends. Remus hadn't even been framed for said crime and faced terrible experiences after being convicted. Goodness knows what Sirius feels.
He was about to respond before Miss Granger spoke up, "No! I trusted you! And all this time, you've been his friend." Remus started to realise what it must look like for the students who had been watching the interaction in fear. He looked at Sirius and felt guilt rising up within him. They both knew that he hadn't been Sirius' friend. Sirius looked crushed and it wasn't even Harry who spoke. He wasn't expecting Miss Granger's next words though, "he's a werewolf. That's why he's been missing classes."
Remus felt himself feeling an inexplicable emotion. She knew? "How long have you known?" he said seriously as he walked towards her.
"Since Professor Snape set the essay," she answered, quite bravely for a 3rd year faced with a 'mass-murderer' who she thought was after her friend and his werewolf friend who had 'betrayed' them. He honestly wasn't surprised that Severus had let it slip the first chance he got. Thankfully, he knew that a lot of kids wouldn't have gotten it. They weren't as brilliant as the girl in front of him.
"Well, well, well, Hermione. You really are the brightest witch of your age I've ever met." He said mirthlessly but sincerely. The only person he can remember being this bright was Lily. She was also the brightest witch of her age. It felt strange to compare Hermione to Lily but right at the same time. It was the truth, after all.
"Enough talk Remus. Come on. Let's kill him," Sirius interjected, obviously extremely irritated that they were getting off topic.
"Wait!" Remus warned. There were things that had to be done first. He knew that, given the chance, Sirius would kill Peter (wand or no wand).
"I did my waiting! 12 years of it. In Azkaban!"
Remus had to take a deep breath in to steady himself. The hurt was almost debilitating. He had let his friend suffer so much and for no reason. The real murderer hadn't even paid the price. He tried to gather his thoughts as he looked over at the trio. He watched them for a few moments as he considered what to do. "Very well," he relented. "Kill him." He turned to Sirius and passed him his wand. No need for Sirius to have real blood on his hands. The metaphorical kind will be enough. He knew this had to happen though. Someone had to face justice for The Potters' deaths. "But wait one more minute. Harry has the right to know why," he told him seriously.
"I know why," Harry started. Remus doubted that though. He didn't know enough about the situation for him to have figured it out yet. Remus felt for him though. Suddenly the man, who was said to have led Voldemort to his parents and escape Azkaban to kill him, shows up saying he wanted to kill. Then, a (hopefully) trusted professor sides with the man and agrees that they should kill. No. He doesn't know why. "You betrayed my parents. You're the reason they're dead," he finished angrily.
Yeah. Remus was right. This kid has no idea what's happening. To be fair to him though, it was almost impossible to understand without context. That reasoning was exactly why he didn't hold it against Harry that he had just said that to Sirius. The man was going to be destroyed after hearing those sentences come out of his godson's mouth.
He was about to tell Harry that Peter was the one that betrayed his parents but he was interrupted by Sirius.
"I can't betray myself Harry," he said wryly. Remus didn't understand. What was going on? What could Sirius mean by that?
"What are you talking about?!" Harry shouted back at him.
"You wouldn't know, of course. It was a heavily guarded secret that even our closest friends didn't know. Everyone thought I was your dad's best friend. They thought that we were 'brothers'. They were all told that I was your godfather."
"What are you talking about?!" Harry questioned again, much more irritated and confused than the first time. Remus himself didn't understand what was going on. Sirius was James' best friend and they had been brothers ever since the summer after fifth year, that much was obvious to everyone who knew the two. What was he implying? Sirius had been Harry's godfather since the day Lily announced her pregnancy. There was no way that any child of James Potter's wasn't going to have Sirius as the godfather. That much was impossible.
"You see Harry, Lily, James and I were quite close. The summer after our fifth year, I ran away from home and went straight to The Potters' house. I was always welcome there. After spending our summer together, we learned a lot of things about each other- mainly that we loved each other so much that we wanted to be together forever."
"What are you on about?" Harry asked unsure.
Remus felt the same. Where was he going with this? "Sirius?"
"When we went back in sixth year, James stopped being so openly infatuated with Lily because (and I quote) 'I deserve his undivided attention'. No one else knew about us so Lily thought that James had just matured. Without his constant attempts at flirting and asking her out, she grew to love him for him. She went to ask him out one day while we were on a date- not that she knew that- but James gently turned her down. He told her that, while yes, he did love her, he was with me for life and that would never change."
"Bloody hell, are you trying to say you and James Potter were together?" Remus hoped that that wasn't the case. Had they really been together? How could Remus have missed that? They were two of the most over-dramatic people that Remus had ever met. If James had loved Sirius that much then how had they hidden a relationship and a break-up that well?
Sirius continued despite Ron's interruption, "That is precisely what I am trying to say, if you just listen. One night, I asked James what he saw in Lily. The things he said made me think. I started to fall for her as well. After Lily's initial confession, we were together a lot more. She knew about us so we didn't have to hide it when we were with her." Remus was saddened that they felt they couldn't be themselves around him. "It wasn't long before we all confessed that we loved each other in the same way. We eventually realised that there was nothing wrong with all three of us being together and started dating."
"Wait, what?" Harry spoke up again. "I don't understand. If you were all together, then why did you break up? I don't get why you are telling us all this now. Why has no one told me this before?"
"The only reason that Lily and James were seen as a couple was because Remus and Peter walked in on them kissing. Soon, everyone knew that the two were dating. Lily and James didn't like that no one knew about me but we didn't want people to know about us. We all moved in together after Hogwarts and Lily soon became pregnant with you. We didn't know who was the father and we were fine with that because we would both be the father."
"Oh, good God. Sirius, please tell me that you aren't saying that you are Harry's father." Remus' world view was shaken. It might sound like a hyperbole but he truly couldn't believe what he was being told. It made no sense. All of them had been in a relationship when Harry was born. Harry was just as much as Sirius' child as he was James'.
"Soon though, we realised that if anything were to happen to them, you might not end up in my care because you looked an awful lot like James with Lily's eyes. I decided to blood adopt you, even though I could have been your birth father. James did it too. That way, we were both your biological father. Blood adopting you was the only way because we didn't want me to legally be your godfather. That went to Moony and Minnie. It almost went to Peter as well but we didn't want him to be too worried. What, with Voldemort after you."
"You-...I-"
Sirius' eyes softened as he looked at Remus," you are legally Harry's godfather. I hope that's okay. We couldn't risk asking you because that would make it obvious that we were a couple but we knew that you would be the perfect godparent. Apparently, you can legally make someone a godparent without them knowing when in a time of war."
"I don't understand, Siri. Why would you make something like me the godfather to your child? I can't look after a child; I'm dangerous. Anything could have happened. Your just lucky that he went to live with his Aunt and Uncle and not me. Why don't you think before you act?" Remus criticised.
Apparently, that wasn't the right thing to say to the man, who let out such an animalistic growl that Remus would have though he was transformed into Padfoot if his eyes weren't fixated on Sirius'.
"You take that back right now Moony. Stop talking such absolute shit. All of us agreed that it should be you. You loved Harry and you would have done anything for him. Yes you turn into a wolf every month. Congratulations. Now get over it. My son deserves a guardian who would love him and would take care of him if his parents couldn't. That's you. You would do that and more. I know you would. James and Lily knew you would. I know you know you would, deep inside. So stop-.... Wait a second, did you just say he went to live with his aunt and uncle?"
Remus was confused, "Yes, I did. Why?"
Sirius began in a patronising voice that was edged in ice, "Hmm. Well James was an only child. My brother is dead. That only leaves Lily. Yes, I remember, she had a sister. Petunia, who hated magic so much that she refused to be associated with Lily and would call her cruel names. Do you mean that Aunt?"
Remus began to feel dread. In a weak voice, he responded," I don't know."
Harry took this as his chance to re-join the conversation," Yeah, he means that Aunt. I live with my Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and their son, Dudley. Why? What do you know?"
Sirius swallowed bitterly," I know that Petunia is a bitch who hated Lily and James. She despised Lily for her magic and stopped speaking to her. Her husband isn't much better. He's worse probably. He couldn't help but spew his vile words at us. The last time Lily and James saw them was when Lily wanted to visit. She had found out she was pregnant and wanted Petunia to know she would be an aunt. It didn't go how she wanted it to though. Petunia looked disgusted at the thought of being related to any offspring of Lily's and told them as much. That husband of hers went as far as to say it would be better if you died. That it would, and I quote, 'rid the world of another freak'."
"Sounds about right," Harry laughed as they all looked on in concern. Well, except Sirius. He just looked sad and knowing. Remus felt himself growing pale as an ill feeling took over. He hadn't known about Lily's sister but he should've. If he did, Harry might have grown up with a family that loved him for him.
"I don't know much about their child though. I would say that I doubt that any child of theirs' would be nice but my parents were disgusting people and I like to think I was at least a little better than them. I can't say much though. I was clearly bad enough that everyone thought I had killed my best friends," he finished with a depressing chuckle.
"Sirius, I'm sorry. I didn't want to believe it. It took years for me to start processing that it was you who did it. Eventually, it started to seem more and more likely. You had obviously seemed guilty at your trial if they had sent you to Azkaban. It didn't help that Peter and all those muggles were said to be dead with just you as the survivor. And you being the secret keeper, of course."
Sirius muttered something incomprehensible.
"Pardon?"
"I didn't get a trial and I wasn't the secret keeper."
"What?! What do you mean you didn't get a trial? That's illegal!"
"I don't think they particularly cared moony," Sirius replied in an almost amused voice.
"You told me you were the secret keeper. Everyone thought you were the secret keeper. Who was if you weren't?"
"Guess," Sirius said in a dark voice.
"Oh," he replied feeling stupid.
"Yeah, I came up with the brilliant idea to tell Lily and James that I would probably die as the secret keeper because I was a target. They, being my husband and wife, obviously didn't like that idea and wanted me to change it to someone else. You were dealing with Greyback's pack at the time or something like that. We also knew what would happen if anything went wrong. If it were anyone else, they would have a chance to explain. (Or at least I thought so until I was tossed into prison.) You wouldn't get that chance if they found out about your furry little problem, which they would, once you were in a Ministry cell long enough to experience a full. We couldn't and wouldn't risk that. Peter was fine with that. Even went as far as to suggest they were right to not given the responsibility since you were around so many Death Eaters and Dark Creatures. Yeah, the signs were pretty obvious, thinking back on it," he finished with a chuckle that lacked humour.
"I just assumed you didn't trust me enough or thought I was the spy. Did you really care that much about me that you thought of all that for me?"
"Of course, you daft idiot. You were our best friend. To be honest, you were the one thought of like a brother- by all of us." Remus teared up at the thought.
The moment was ruined by none other than Severus Snape, who barged into the room without second thought.
He obviously went to cast the disarming spell but Remus beat him to it. He grabbed his wand back from Sirius and held it up to Severus.
"I told Dumbledore you were letting an old friend in the castle. Such a shame he didn't believe me. No matter though when you're both all the proof I need. I could do it, you know. Kill you. But why deny it to the dementors when they're so longing to kiss you."
Remus was about to respond with a warning for both of them to behave when Ron spoke up, "Scabbers!". The rat had bitten him and was trying to scamper through a hole in the wall.
Remus was quicker though. He cast, "Animagi Vercissim," and was rewarded with the body of Peter Pettigrew. He hastily cast a full body-bind spell on him.
"Is that...?"
"Peter Pettigrew? Yes, yes it is."
"How is that possible? He's supposed to be dead," Severus said in an emotionless voice.
"He was the real secret keeper. He framed me for his 'death' and the deaths of the muggles. It was really him though," Sirius answered in a monotone voice.
"I don't believe you," Severus sneered at Sirius.
"I'm not surprised. You always were one to hide from the truth Snape. What, with your hate of anyone who wasn't pureblood. Ignoring that you yourself are a half-blood."
Remus could honestly say that he was surprised by how Sirius was handling the situation. Of course, he was antagonising Severus but he acting like he would have the last time he saw him.
"You know nothing about me," the man spoke in disgust.
"As Lily's husband, I would say that I know quite a lot about you. I know how you met her, how you taught her about magic and how you called her a mudblood. Oh, and we can't forget about the nasty Slytherin friends you made."
"As if Lily would marry someone as infamously irritating as you. She had standards. You're also forgetting how she was married to Potter. I know you like to lie but you clearly aren't good at it- even with all of your practise," the Potions master drawled.
"We were all in a relationship. It isn't that hard to understand Snape. Now can we please alert the aurors to Pettigrew's presence."
"Why should we? I, for one, would be more than happy to let them give you the kiss they've been waiting for."
"Are you really saying that you would let Lily's killer get away, Snape? I would have thought that after everything, you would care enough about her to get the justice she deserves," Sirius inquired with a raised eyebrow.
"Of course I care about Lily, Black. How dare you insist otherwise!"
"She was really hurt by what you said, you know. Thinking of you would always make her cry before she got used to ignoring the pain. You were her first magical friend though and she wanted to make amends with you." Remus noted how Severus fell silent. He was clearly taking in everything Sirius was saying with rapt attention, even if he would deny it. "I don't suppose that you knew she was pregnant with our second child? She wanted you to be the child's godfather. James and I had our concerns, of course, but we were considering it. If you wanted it, you probably would have been."
There was silence in the shack for a few minutes before Harry decided to speak up. "I could of had a little brother or sister?" he asked in a heartbreakingly sad voice.
"Yes, Harry. We always wanted a large family. Lily's only sister hated her and mine grew to despise me. James had no siblings or cousins his age. We wanted you to have what we didn't. You still have a sister though. She is and always will be your little sister. You just never got to meet her."
Harry smiled for the first time that evening, "I suppose your right... my sister." His smile only grew as he thought over the words his father had just said.
"Was she really?" Severus asked in a hesitant voice.
"Yes. Personally, I didn't think you deserved it and frankly, I still don't but she was. She had hoped that you would come back to her and you could both be like you were when you were younger. She was still rightfully angry at you and would probably never forgive you for that comment. It wouldn't have mattered to Lily in the end though. As long as you could make amends, that would have been enough for her. She always was uncommonly kind." Sirius reacted with a loving smile directed at one of the two people he loved the most. It would take Remus a while to fully process all the information that he was being told but he knew that every word was the truth.
"Wingardium Leviosa," Severus cast as he stared at them both. "Go on then, we don't have all day and I don't trust you not to fire a hex or curse at me. You are notoriously a murder, after all." Remus couldn't tell if Severus was insulting Sirius or teasing him. He didn't think that he would ever be in a situation where he would have to figure it out.
They followed the man outside as he carelessly levitated Peter's body with them. More than once, he 'accidentally' knocked the man into something. Remus couldn't blame the man. There was even a part of him that was jealous that he couldn't be the one to do that.
As they got outside, a thought struck him. A terrible, terrible thought.
"Fuck."
All heads whipped around to him as he froze in his tracks.
"With everything that happened, I forgot to take Wolfsbane."
Severus himself turned deathly pale. "Go!" he ordered with a voice tinged in panic.
Remus didn't wait a second longer and took off in the direction of the Forbidden Forrest.