His boyfriend, his best friend, his brother, his lover. The person that Sirius wanted to spend the rest of his life with as soon as he laid eyes on, is gone and he's never coming back.
James died at the age of 21 years old, he had just turned 21 only a couple of weeks ago. Sadly life must go on and James will never live to be 22.
Everything was perfectly fine until the worst thing could possibly happen to the happy couple. It's never easy to lose someone you love, and you only ever realize how much someone means to you when they're gone.
When James told Sirius that he was sick, Sirius didn't take it well. They got into an argument and one of them ended up getting hurt by the others words.
When Sirius had finally calmed down he went to go and find his boyfriend, but when he found him it was already too late.
Thirty minutes after the fight Sirius knocks on his and James' shared room door, but he doesn't get an answer. He opens the door slowly.
"James? Love, are you here? I'm sorry for reacting the way I did when you told me that you were sick.." He still doesn't get an answer, "James? Stop ignoring me please, you know how much I hate it when people ignore me.. I-I'll jump on you as Padfoot if you don't answer me," James still doesn't answer him. He sighs, "Fine. If you want to be alone, then I-I'll leave you alone.. B-but I just want you to know that I love you and I'm never going to stop loving you," Sirius leaves the room and closes the door behind him.
(Present time) James still hasn't come out of their room yet, so Sirius decides to bring him his favorite cookies and some earl gray tea.
He knocks on the door again but still doesn't get an answer. He opens the door slowly and sets the tea and cookies on the bedside table.
Sirius shakes James a little but James still doesn't move, "James? Love you're starting to scare me, is everything alright?"
Still no answer. Sirius takes the blankets off of his boyfriend and he sees that he's not moving so he shakes him again. Sirius is starting to panic, but he doesn't think about anything other than "He's just sleeping" or "He's fine." But the thing is, James has always been a very light sleeper. So, Sirius shakes James again and he still doesn't get any response.
Sirius stops moving and just watches, he watches James and he waits for his chest to rise and fall so he knows that he's not alone. James' chest doesn't move, he's not breathing. Sirius lays his head on James' chest trying to hear a heartbeat. He hears nothing. He looks for a pulse, but doesn't find one. Sirius finally realizes that his best friend, his lover, his brother wasn't going to move and he wasn't going to breathe.
James was gone.
All that was there was a body of what James used to be.
Sirius falls down to his knees and cries. He's breaking because James was dead and there was nothing Sirius could do to save him. James was dead and Sirius' whole world came crashing down all at once. James was dead and Sirius wanted to die with him so his lover wasn't alone. James was dead and Sirius was blaming himself for all the things that he said to his best friend.
Sirius crawls onto the bed and holds James. He holds James in his arms and sobs into his shoulder. Sirius doesn't know what to do. All he knows is that he wants to die and take James' place but he can't because James is already gone and he can't be saved.
So, Sirius sobs and he sobs and he blames himself for not helping James and not being there for him when James told him that he was sick.
"I-its all m-my fault! W-why did it h-have to be h-him?! W-why couldn't it have b-been me?! H-he doesn't deserve to die! H-he can't be dead! S-someone t-tell me he's not dead! P-PLEASE SOMEONE T-TELL ME HE'S STILL HERE W-WITH ME!!"
He screams for the loss of his lover. He cries for the loss of his best friend and he doesn't stop. He wants to die with James, so he screams and he cries and he wants James to come back. He wants James to tell him that it was all fake and that he's alive.
So, Sirius waits and he waits and he waits for James to open his eyes and say "got ya" but he doesn't.
James is gone and he's never coming back. But Sirius needs James to come back. So he continues to wait and wait but all there is, is silence.
Sirius is broken without James in his life; he's not complete if James isn't there. All he can think about is how much he needs his sun to light up the darkness that's within him. How much he needs his lover to light up the room so he can see. Sirius needs his James to come back to life and tell him that everything will be ok and that everything is fine.
But he doesn't.