Chapter 4
Jhoanna and Aiah had grown closer than ever.
Their days together felt effortless—waking up to shared breakfasts, exchanging inside jokes, and going for jogs, although Jhoanna wasn’t as dedicated as Aiah.
Still, on some days, Aiah managed to drag her out, teasing her about building stamina.
Tonight was different, though.
Aiah returned from the convenience store downstairs, pushing the door open with her shoulder as she held a plastic bag in one hand.
She found Jhoanna sitting on the couch, seemingly lost in thought, her fingers idly tracing patterns on the sofa.
"Hi."
Jhoanna blinked, turning to Aiah as the older girl walked in.
"I bought some drinks. You wouldn’t mind, right?" Aiah asked casually, setting down a couple of Smirnoff bottles and a bag of chips on the coffee table.
"Hindi naman," Jhoanna replied, eyeing the bottles.
"Anong meron, bat tayo mag-iinom?"
"Kailangan ba talaga ng reason? Hahaha. Wala lang naman, Jho, gusto ko lang. Pero okay lang if ayaw mo, I won’t pilit you," Aiah said, her voice gentle.
"No, no, okay lang, Ate Aiah. Tsaka gusto ko rin uminom."
They set up the table, the TV playing in the background, though neither of them really paid attention to it.
Jhoanna took a sip, feeling the alcohol burn slightly down her throat.
"Few more days, tapos balik na naman sa reality," she sighed, swirling her drink in her hand.
Aiah chuckled. "Bakit? Is this a fantasy, Jho?" She laughed at her own joke before shaking her head.
"Pero yeah, gets ko. Pero at least, we’ll get to see the girls again. There goes the fun and lots of laughs."
Instead of responding, Jhoanna took another sip of her drink, her thoughts wandering elsewhere. Colet.
She wasn’t ready. She didn’t think she’d ever be ready.
Desperate to change the topic, she pointed at the TV, where a teaser for a podcast show was playing.
"Naalala mo pa yung podcast na ginawa natin noon, Ate Aiah?"
"Oo naman! Our episode was my favorite nga eh," Aiah grinned.
"Talaga? Ang ganda nga ng topic natin nun eh—‘Mahal ko mahal ako?’ You really opened my eyes with what you shared about love and your ex. Grabe din yun, no?"
Aiah leaned back, a nostalgic smile tugging at her lips.
"Yeah. But I’m really glad I was able to get it off my chest back then. People appreciated it, and honestly? It helped me move forward. Ang ganda nung episode na ‘yun."
Jhoanna stared at her, a question forming in her mind before she could stop herself.
"Paano mo yun nakayanan, Ate?"
"Ang alin?"
"Ang umusad. Moving on. Acceptance."
Aiah exhaled, setting her bottle down.
"Well, for starters, it didn’t happen overnight. It broke me in so many ways, Jho. I even broke myself—by not taking care of my mental and physical health. It was really hard. Yung feeling mo na walang makakaintindi sayo? Yung walang mapaglagyan yung sakit?"
Jhoanna nodded, swallowing the lump forming in her throat.
"More than the relationship itself, it was the breakup," Aiah continued.
"There wasn't any anger in it, no shouting, nothing grand. In fact it was too soft, too gentle and now remembering it natatawa ako kasi parang di nga yun breakup eh. It was just us, slowly accepting that our relationship will end there. And it wasn’t because we didn’t love each other or dahil may iba siya—hindi eh. It was just… reality. No matter how much we tried to make it work, hindi talaga. We were different. He was in a different stage in his life, way farther than where I was. And no amount of compromise could fix that. Even if pilitin ng pilitin, wala talaga. Mauubos lang kami."
Jhoanna clenched her jaw.
"Back then, I couldn’t accept it. I felt like life was unfair. Ang unfair ng mundo sa amin, sa akin. Pero wala eh. Hindi talaga. Our love wasn’t enough."
Aiah let out a quiet laugh, one filled with old wounds and acceptance.
"Totoo naman ‘yon, Jho. Love alone will never be enough."
A heavy silence settled between them, the only sound coming from the soft hum of the TV.
Then, Aiah heard it.
A sniff.
She turned her head and found Jhoanna with her face down, gripping her bottle tightly.
Then, the sniffles turned into choked sobs. And then—into a full-blown breakdown.
"Jho?" Aiah put down her beer immediately, shifting toward the younger girl, but Jhoanna couldn’t stop.
She sobbed like she hadn’t cried every night.
She sobbed like she had an endless supply of tears.
She sobbed so hard that her chest ached, her throat burning from the force of it.
She sobbed, and still—it wasn’t enough to lessen the pain.
"Ang sakit, Ate Aiah. Ang sakit."
Aiah didn’t say anything.
She just pulled Jhoanna into a tight embrace, wrapping her arms around her trembling frame, rubbing soothing circles on her back.
"It’s okay," she whispered. "I’m here. Just cry it out, Jho. No questions asked. I’m here."
And so, Jhoanna cried.
And Aiah held her.
--
After what felt like hours of crying, Jhoanna finally calmed down, her sobs fading into quiet sniffles.
She clung to Aiah, her grip tight as if letting go meant falling apart again.
Aiah gently tried to pull away, just enough to grab a glass of water for Jhoanna.
"Inom ka muna, Jho."
Jhoanna took the glass with slightly trembling hands, sipping slowly, letting the cool liquid soothe her dry throat.
When she finished, she looked up at Aiah, eyes still red and puffy, as if she wanted to say something—but no words came out.
She didn’t need to say it. Aiah understood.
"It’s okay. You can take your time. No rush, Jho." Aiah’s voice was soft, comforting.
Jhoanna swallowed, her grip on the glass tightening slightly. She had been holding it in for so long.
And now, with Aiah in front of her, with someone finally listening—she wasn’t sure where to begin.
"We broke up last month, Ate." Her voice was hoarse, fragile, as if the words themselves hurt to say out loud.
"More than two years kaming magkasama. We only made it official seven months ago, but before that… it was always us. It had always been us."
Aiah listened intently, letting Jhoanna speak at her own pace.
"Everything was going well, Ate. Akala ko kakayanin namin. For so long, kinaya namin. So I don’t understand… I don’t know what happened." Jhoanna’s brows furrowed, the confusion in her eyes turning into frustration.
"Parang I was blindsided. I thought everything was fine. And then one night—boom. Bigla na lang niya sinabi na ayaw na niya. Na hindi na niya kaya. Na hindi na niya kinakaya ‘yung risk na dala ng relasyon namin."
Jhoanna let out a humorless laugh, shaking her head.
"Ang unfair, Ate. Kasi ang laki rin naman ng risk ko, ah. Pero kinaya ko. At handa kong kayanin kasi… kami ‘to, eh. It was us. And I thought that was enough."
Aiah felt her chest tighten at Jhoanna’s words.
"Pero hindi pala."
Jhoanna looked down at the glass in her hands, her grip loosening.
"Sabi niya, masyado na siyang natatakot. Pero Ate, anong kinaiba noon sa umpisa? We knew what we were getting into. We knew the risks. Pero pinasok pa rin namin ‘to, diba? Kasi we wanted it. We wanted each other. So bakit bigla na lang bumitaw?"
Jhoanna bit her lip, trying to hold back another wave of tears.
"I just don’t get it, Ate. I did everything right. I loved right. I fought for us. Pero bakit parang ako lang ‘yung lumaban hanggang dulo?"
Aiah took a deep breath, choosing her words carefully.
"Jho, sometimes… it’s not about doing everything right. You can love someone with all your heart, give everything you have, and it still won’t be enough to make them stay. Kasi minsan, hindi naman about sayo ‘yung desisyon nila—about them ‘yon. About what they can and cannot handle."
Jhoanna looked up at Aiah, searching for something—an answer, maybe. A reason. Anything to make the pain make sense.
"Pero Ate… if you love someone, hindi ba dapat kaya mong ipaglaban ‘yon? Dapat kaya mong panindigan?"
Aiah sighed, reaching for Jhoanna’s hand and squeezing it gently.
"Ideally, oo. Pero hindi tayo nabubuhay sa ideal world, Jho. Sa totoo lang, love alone will never be enough. Kasi minsan, kahit gaano pa kalaki ‘yung pagmamahal, may mga bagay na mas matimbang—fear, expectations, circumstances. At minsan, kahit hindi natin gusto, kahit hindi natin matanggap… we have to let go."
Jhoanna inhaled shakily. "Pero Ate… paano ba ‘yon?"
Aiah gave her a sad smile. "Hindi ko alam kung paano for you, Jho. But I know this—hindi mo kailangang gawin mag-isa."
And just like that, Jhoanna broke down again.
Aiah didn’t say anything more.
She simply held her, letting Jhoanna cry as much as she needed.
Because sometimes, the best way to heal wasn’t through answers—but through the presence of someone willing to stay.