Relief or Regret
Scarlets POV:
The snow falls in gentle whispers, coating the world in a blanket of white as I stand frozen in place. The cold mirroring the numbness that spreads throughout my chest and my mind as the doors I spent months carefully constructing locks on, slam open.
The words Adrian spat echo throughout my head, The doors that I keep tightly locked are slamming open with all the terms of endearment my parents have instilled in me throughout the years. Overwhelming my senses, I drop to my knees. The voice of my mother and father, once distant whispers muffled behind closed doors now roar within my ears. Each syllable cuts through my already crumbling self worth.
The walk back to Hogwarts was cold and wet, which I endured without the use of warming charms, allowing the weather to numb my body in hopes to stop my inner thoughts from causing me to have a mental breakdown in front of all my peers.
As soon as I stepped foot within the doors of the castle, heat envelopes me instantly, chasing away the chill from my bones, but not from my soul. I was safe now, from the elements, but not from the storm that was currently raging on within my head. When I reach the common room I hesitate for just a moment. I take a deep breath before muttering the password, watching the golden snake appear revealing the door.
After a day like today I praise Salazar that the common room is empty, which to my pleasure it is, save for a few students either studying or enjoying their goodies from their trip to Hogsmead. I quickly head straight for the women's dorms. Once inside, I let the damn break.
Stripping off my wet clothes from the storm that started to rage outside, I close the curtains to my four poster, charm them shut and lastly casting a silencing charm. Within minutes my sobs turn into whimpers, covered with heavy breaths, and before I know it, I’m asleep.
With a woosh a bird flies out of the cabinet soaring around the room, getting lost within a labyrinth of chairs and furniture around them.
Pansy got me out of bed the next day. Essentially dragging me out of bed, forcing me to go to class. It was no easy task, she destroyed my bed in the process. She may be small but her curses are strong.
“We did it!” a smug look on Draco's face as my smile widens. I wrap my arms around my cousin in a jump of joy. Relief floods through my veins, but just as soon as it was there, it's replaced with regret. We fixed the cabinet, but the castle will be infiltrated with Death Eaters.
Students. Teachers. No one is safe.
We aren't sure how long we will be at the castle as soon as they take over. Will we be forced to come back to school? Or will we have a worse fate. Doing the bidding of a lunatic. That's what terrifies me most. What else will Draco and I be forced to do because of who our family is?
As if reading my mind, Draco tightens his grip around me. My resolve breaks and I let the doors open. Sobbing quietly into his chest. Draco leads me to the chaise letting me fall apart in his arms.
“Draco… Do you think we are going to be okay?...” I manage to breathe out in between sobs.
The words spoken this summer ring out into the void between us. Whether it is the hesitation in his voice or the look in his eyes as I stare back up into them through the tears, or maybe it's the realization of what is to come, but he doesn't give me false hope as he did this summer. No, this time his own eyes well up with tears as he stared back at me.
“I don't think so…”
Before we left the room of requirement Draco and I decided that we would wait to tell the Dark Lord until after the first quidditch match of the season. We want to be able to prepare before unleashing hell onto Hogwarts. Unbeknownst to Draco, I want to be able to warn Harry beforehand. Before Draco has to kill Dumbledore.
The thought still sends chills down my spine. Draco isn't a killer. A prat? Of course. But a murderer? The boy who holds me while I cry? The boy who I spent my entire childhood with? He's scared of spiders for bloody sake! I have full faith in Dracos ability to do many things, but to cast an unforgivable you need to want to do? I know Draco and I know that he does not want to kill anyone…
It was late by the time we made it back to the common room. Our friends are sat by the fireplace in the far corner, playing games and laughing with each other. A part of me doesn't want to go over there and drop this pile of shite onto them. To ruin their carefree school year, but we have to tell them. Just because we are the kids of Death Eaters doesn't mean we are safe, Draco and I have learned that first hand.
“There you guys are. We have been waiting all night for you.” Blaise says smiling up over his game with Pansy. They all look over as Draco and I walk up to the group.
Well, everyone except for Theo. He and I haven't talked to him since Adrian broke up with me a week ago. He's been avoiding me like the Black Cat Flu, refusing to even acknowledge me when I enter a room.
“Anyone fancy a smoke?” Draco has his hands in his pockets to stop him from fidgeting nervously. The air around us shifts, negative energy engulfs the group, alerting them that something bad is about to happen. They look at each other and slowly stand up to follow Draco and I to our spot by the lake.
I hang back, hoping to gain Theos’ attention. I reach for his arm, wrapping my small hand around his bicep. “Theo?” I mutter, suddenly very anxious. He stops in his tracks but does not turn around to face me. Immediately I look to the ground. Why is he acting cold?
He's silent, waiting for me to speak. “I--uh I haven't seen you much this week.” I explain stumbling over my words. Why am I so nervous to talk to him? He's my best friend for Salazars sake.
“H--how's your hand?” I question, as I lower my hand down his arm to grab his bruised hand. He pulls away from my touch quickly, as if I burned him. “I’m fine. Better than your boyfriend's face” his words are harsh as he stalks out of the common room.
I am left stunned in place. My boyfriend? Did Theo not know that Adrian and I broke up? I have obviously been upset about our break up, but not because I regret it. No, because I am embarrassed I let a man treat me the same way my parents do.
Adrian made me choose between him and Theo. I of course choose Theo. I would choose Theo over most people in my life. I would do anything for him.
Pansy, Draco and Blaise all knew what happened, I had just assumed they would have told him. I guess I'm not the only one he has been avoiding.
When I made it to the group, their faces were riddled with sadness. Draco must have started without me. I quietly sit next to Draco on my blanket that he laid out on the grass, pulling at the bottom of my skirt so it covers most of my exposed thighs. After Draco's confession Blaise is the first one to speak. He looks over to Draco with a solemn expression “So that means you have to kill Dumbledore?” Draco's jaw clenches at the thought. “Yes it does.”
“We tried to come up with another--” I hesitate for a moment trying to come up with the right words to use. “--way to achieve the Dark Lord's task. But we were unsuccessful.” I am fidgeting with my wand now, this conversation plus my earlier interaction with Theo has put me on edge.
I occlude further in order to regain control of my emotions. It's Pansy who now speaks next “Katie Bell--” it's a statement, not a question. She already knows the answer. Her eyes hold a sad look, while she holds back tears.
Draco darts his vision over to the lake and nods his head slightly squeezing his eyes shut.
It was quiet for a moment. Everyone is taking in the weight of the situation that has been plagued upon us, before Blaise breaks the silence once again. “What can we do? There has to be something we can do to help.”
Draco snaps his vision back over at them with a serious expression, similar to the one that is displayed on my face. “Nothing. You will do nothing.” “We want you to stay in the dorms until we come to find you.” I add quietly but stern, knowing this is the part that they aren't going to agree with.
We do everything together. Homework, holidays, pranks. We are inseparable. Draco and I knew that ordering them to stay hidden was surely going to cause an argument. We prepared for this.
Our order gains Theos attention. His head snaps up turning to face the blonde haired boy next to me instead of the spot on the blanket he was burning a hole in.
“Absolutely not! If you think I am letting you two fend for yourselves amongst a group of deranged Death Eaters, you're bloody mad!” Theo shouts, anger is radiating off of him in waves.
At the mention of Death Eaters, my Mark burns slightly. I ghost my hand over where my cardigan is covering my Mark. The Dark Mark has a consistent phantom burn radiating off of it. No doubt created purposefully by the Dark Lord as a constant reminder of what I’ve done and the things I will do. The Mark tainting my skin will always be there and he ensured all of us will never forget it.
Draco catches my attention as he too has his hand ghosting over the mark. “I am a Death Eater, Theo.” Draco spits at his best mate.
Theo scoffs rolling his eyes, as Blaise shouts angrily “You are nothing like the other Death Eaters! Y-you didn't choose this!” He turns to look at me as he throws his arms out in my direction. “Scar isn't even marked. Why is she even a part of this!?”
“They will not hurt us Blaise. They are just there for aid. Besides, Snape will be there.” Draco says, grabbing my hand and squeezing it attempting to crush the utter fear he knows that I am feeling.
“That's not good enough Draco! What if something goes wrong?” Pansy asks while holding on to Blaise's hand so hard I’m afraid she's breaking his hand.
Draco sighs rubbing his temples. We knew this conversation wasn't going to be easy, but I don't think Draco took into account how tired and drained we would be already. “Snape has made an unbreakable vow to protect me. He will meet us before so he can assure he is with us the whole time.”
Draco looks at all of them now, trying to show them that he is confident in the protection of our old potions professor.
Theos’ eyes are like daggers piercing through Draco. His stare still refusing to reach me. “What about Scarlet?” Theo asks, acknowledging my existence for the first time in a week.
“What about Scarlet?” Draco echoed, eyes equally as sharp, staring back at him.
“Did Snape make an unbreakable vow to protect her as well?” Theos tone is harsh. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Of course Theo would be the one to catch on to our deception. Draco is occluding fully now, his jaw is clenched tight. Theo turns to stare out into the Black Lake, scoffing at our silence, already knowing the answer. Pansy and Blaise both give me a look of sympathy.
I knew Snape made the vow and after Draco found out, Draco begged Snape to vow to protect me too. Snape refused, he and I both knew it was useless. I am doomed either way.
Theo doesn't participate in the conversation anymore, not seeing the reason to since his point was made. He just nods his head once in anger, quietly inhaling the smoke from his cigarette.
Draco and I went over the details with everyone and made it very clear they are to stay in the dorms until we come get them.
“We will let you know when it is time. It is important that you stay in your dorm until we come get you. Don't leave for any reason. We aren't sure who will be joining us, or what they will do, but we promise, you do not want to find out for yourself. Just please, stay hidden.”
Once the plan was set, Draco extended his hand and helped me off the lakeside ground as we started to head back to the castle. The walk to the common room was quiet. We could all feel the world had shifted. A lingering sense of fear follows us through every corridor we sneak through. Once we are all safely back in the common room, the group disperses, but I stay back trying once more to try and get Theo to talk to me.
I carefully grab his wrist stopping him from following the other two down the corridor to their dorms. “Theo, wait please.” I beg. I sense his resolve break slightly at the tone of longing that's intertwined with my plea.
He stops, giving me a chance to continue. He is still refusing to look at me, He barely seems to be breathing, as if he is holding his breath. I am frozen in place in fear at the coldness in which he refers me but I swallow my pride and ask him anyway. “Are we okay?” I barely whisper.
I can see him take a deep breath, as if weighing his next words carefully before pulling away from my hold on his wrist. This time it was a lot gentler than before. It's almost as if he doesn't quite want to pull away. “We are fine, Scarlet.” He sighs, before marching down the hall away from me.