Misunderstanding
Theos POV:
The Great Hall was buzzing with excitement. Banners hang from the ceiling in green and silver and in blue and bronze. The first quidditch game of the school year, and the last. Dumbledor has called for a half day due to the excitement of today, though I am feeling anything but.
I have been trying my hardest to avoid Scarlet. Watching her run to Adrian that day, after the horrid things he has done to her. Hearing him tell her it was him or me, cemented the fear in my brain that I will never be enough for her.
The mere thought that she has chosen him over me sent me spiraling into a sea of disappear. My fathers voice rings loudly in my head. My deepest fears of never being enough, losing my best friend have come true. That night I vowed I would leave her be, and let her be happy. Even if it was with that bloody git and not with me. She deserves the world. She deserves to be happy.
Blaise and I had one more practice early this morning, causing us to be late to breakfast. We make our way to our spot at the end of the long table, I hear her laugh first. That angelic sound that sends heat pooling throughout my body. Her laughter fills my body with happiness and anguish all at the same time.
Pansy and Scarlet are wearing their Slytherin house pride gear. Their outfits consisted of green and silver dots placed strategically around their eyes. Pansy is wearing Blaise's spare jersey, while Scarlet is wearing Draco's jersey from last year. Her hair is pulled half up and tied with a silk green bow, as her curls loosely cascade down her back. She looks absolutely beautiful.
I ignore the pang of sadness in my chest as the sight of her as I swallow my feelings and walk over to the group with a plastered look of indifference.
“There you boys are. I was beginning to think you weren't going to show up.” Pansy states, picking at her eggs. “Are you two big manly men ready to kick some Ravenclaw arse?”
“This is stupid.” I take a seat next to Pansy, so I don't have to look at Scarlet. “We have bigger things to worry about then some bloody Quidditch match.” I grumble under my breath, pouring myself some tea to keep my hands from fidgeting.
Pansy smacks my shoulder as I take a sip of my tea, spilling it on the table below me. “What the hell Pans?” I shout, as I clean the mess she caused me to make.
“She's right. We need to act normal. Which means going to the game. Act excited, like we always are.” I hear the silky voice of Scarlet from next to our raven haired friend. Even though I can't see her, I can just imagine the sorrowful face she is making. She has been making it alot lately.
Pansy hums in agreement. “So, that means me and Scarlet will be in the stands as always. Though, this time Draco will be with us.”
“Whatever.” I mumble under my breath getting up from my seat. Ignoring the scoffs and attitude from the group. They can all sit around and pretend like nothing is happening but I can't. The anxiety I feel for my two best friends -- two people who I care the most about in the world are going to be in danger and I am told I can't do anything to help. The feeling of uselessness is suffocating.
I look around and spot Padma, walking over to her, I tap her shoulder. “Hello, Padma. Beautiful day for a walk isnt it?” This has been our code word over the last two years. If we ever need a distraction, we will ask the other about taking a walk. Whether it be tired of studying, parents on our arse, or just plain horny.
Padma turns around with a smile on her face. “It is Theodore. Shall we?” I extend my hand out for her as she grasps it, excused herself from her friends and we walk side by side to my dorm. Since everyone is out at breakfast the room should be empty.
As we make our way out my eyes wander around the room and meet with Scarlet's green ones, though they are foggy with occlusion. Sadness envelops me as I force myself to look away.
“So, what is with the doom and gloom Theodore? It's the first game of the year, you should be bubbling with excitement.” Padmas voice drags me away from my thoughts of Scarlet. I don't know what to tell her. How to explain the storm that is raging on within my head and my heart, So I tell her the truth.
“Adrian gave her an ultimatum. Him or me.” I cough to cover the cracking within my voice, giving away the sadness that I truly feel.
“I see.’ Is all she responds with, as we continue to walk in silence to my dorm.
Padma takes a seat on my bed, sitting against the headboard. I drag my legs to move me to the edge of the bed. Staring off into space in front of me, losing the interest of the distraction beside me.
After a couple of minutes of silence, I feel her move closer to me. Placing a gentle hand on my back. There is no sexual intention in this act. It's friendly. Sympathetic.
Padma speaks up. “Theodore--” Her voice low in a soothing tone. “Dont.” I interrupt. “Do not give me some bloody speech about how I should tell her how I feel. I've gotten that enough from the rest of them.”
She huffs but doesn't remove her hand. No, she's now rubbing my back, slowly. “Fine. I won't. “ Moments of silence. I should be getting ready for the game, but this heavy feeling in my chest just won't go away. Padma stands up, and I suspect that she is taking her leave but she turns to face me. Her tone has shifted from sympathetic to one of annoyance. “What are you so scared of, Theodore? That she doesn't feel the same? Or that she does?”
I clenched my fists so hard I feel as if I will start bleeding. “Both.”
“She’s your best friend Theodore, you love her.” Padma said softly, sensing my anger from the conversation. “You’re in love with her.”
Of course I love her. How could I not.
“Your silence speaks volumes.” She states, with her arms crossed. I still don't respond. I just keep my head down. Ignoring the cowardice that I feel.
“Theodore,” Padma whispered as she stalked closer, once again placing a hand upon my shoulder. “You can’t keep avoiding her forever. You’re not only hurting yourself, but you're hurting her as well.”
I turn away, tensing my shoulders. “I know. But what if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if it ruins our friendship?”
“What if she does?” Padma countered with a small smile. “What if she’s waiting for you to take that leap? I don’t know Scarlet very well, but you do. Could you think of any reason she would have not to put herself out there?”
My eyes met hers, vulnerability shining through. Of course. Scarlet has always hidden her feelings. She always puts others before herself. In her head, making sure everyone else is happy is what's most important. “I can’t lose her, Padma. I need her in my life.”
I heave a heavy sigh, feeling the weight of my words on my chest. “Maybe this is just all we will ever be.”
“Love is a risk, Theodore.” Padma said. “But so is regret.”
She stepped back from me, turning towards the door. “Tell her, Theodore. Tell her how you feel. Life is too short for unspoken words. You never know what may happen.” With that, she leaves me alone with my thoughts. Thoughts of what a life with Scarlet being more than just my friend could mean.
Fuck, what I would give to be more than friends with her.
I talk the long route to the quidditch pitch. Padmas words rung in my head on a loop. “What if she does?” “Love is a risk, but so is regret.” Is it possible that the girl I have been in love with for years feels the same way? Scarlet Johnson.
The girl who I have spent everyday for 5 years admiring? The girl who learned how to brew Blood-Replenishing potion, Murtlap Essence and Essence of Dittany in order to heal me after trips home to see my father. Who will stay up late with me to discuss the magical theory of potions, or will help dissect the ingredients of a potion piece by piece to figure out where I went wrong. The girl who will put everyone's needs in front of her own, if it means they will be happy and safe.
Could she possibly love me too?
I sure as fuck hope so.
“Nott, I want you to keep an eye on Cho.” The git's voice brings me out of my thoughts as I look in his direction. He still has bruises around his left eye and along his jaw. A sense of pride surges through me knowing that I am the one causing the bloody arse pain.
“Cho? You want me to follow the seeker around all match?” I know he is just doing this as a way to get back at me for beating the piss out of him.
“Yes, Nott. Do you have a problem with that?” He flashes me a cocky smile. Whoever voted for this git to be captain must have been drunk off Ogdens. “Whatever.” I grumble, as he gives the rest of the team a play by play.
I am the lone survivor in the locker room, when suddenly Adrian crashes into me, a malicious smirk on his face. "Enjoying my sloppy seconds, Nott?" he sneers, "She loves it rough, especially when you yank her hair. She's always been a masochistic slut."
My blood boils as I hear him speak, but before I can react, Blaise restrains me with a firm grip. "He's not worth it," he says in a pleading tone. I shake off Blaise's hold and seethe with anger. "I can't keep watching him treat her like utter garbage. She deserves so much better."
Blaise looks at me with a mix of confusion and concern. "Yes, she does deserve better, but resorting to violence won't solve anything."
I roll my eyes, knowing that Blaise will do anything to prevent Draco and I from getting into another brawl. "It's not just about her anymore. They're not even together." My shock is palpable. "W-what? What do you mean?"
In that moment Blaise drops a bombshell on me; "She chose you, mate," Blaise declares with a hint of admiration in his voice. “How'd you not know? He hasn't been around since that day. Scar has been an utter mess--” He pauses looking at me with a sense of pity. “You haven't been around much now that I think of it…
Scarlet and Adrian broke up. She chose me. Scarlet Johnson chose me and I have been ignoring her. My body is fighting with itself. To be overjoyed or to feel regret and disdain for myself for being a bloody wanker for the past week.
“I have to find her.” I shoot out quickly. I must apologize. I need to see her. “We have a game mate. Find her after. You know where she'll be.” Blaise gives me a sly smile and pats me on the back pushing me towards the door that leads to the pitch.
“I'm going to tell her. I'm going to tell Scarlet Johnson that I love her.”